Thursday, May 31, 2012

Cyrsti's Condo 2nd Anniversary!

Really? Two years?
Isn't there a song with lyrics that go something like this: "Where are they going without over knowing the way?"
What a great description of my life!
Two years ago I knew pretty much I felt really natural as a female. Whatever I perceived it to be.
Being a relatively astute student of my human condition, I knew I had to follow my soul with only the vaguest idea of how to do it.
Two years ago, my personal closet was already open so what was I waiting for?
As it turned out, nothing.
I was fortunate that I had a couple friends who urged me to write about my experiences.
So here we are two years later! Wow!How times have changed. I can safely say our community is more out and active than ever. The best part is the younger transgender generation seems to be in the best shape of all.
I've gone from worrying about everyone elses' perception of me to worrying if I'm perceiving enough of the world.
As a dear friend has told me more than once: "Very few people ever have the chance to reinvent themselves."
How wonderful, humbling and scary the process has become over the last two years.
I wish I could say how much I'm looking forward to celebrating two more years with all of you.  The truth of the matter is we are all just as good as seeing the sunrise tomorrow.
Thanks for being around for many sunrises to the east of "Cyrsti's Condo". Let's enjoy a few more together!

Transgender Commandments

1.- Thou shall not be a victim. The world is full of people with problems. Those that find away to live with them are the success stories.
2.-Thou shall not be a whiner.  The world is full of many compassionate people. Attempt to state your case as honestly and truthfully as you can. Falling on your own sword only hurts mostly you.
3.-Thou shall not be a bigot. Just because much of society is bigoted against us, it does not make it right to be bigoted against each other.
4,- Thou shall not turn your back on anyone in our community always remember you were there once..
5.- Thou shall not take yourself too seriously and lose the joy of life.
6.- Thou shall be a positive role model for those in or out of our community-no matter how small the effort.
7.-Thou shall find the courage and the wisdom to do what's right to preserve your existence.
8.-Thou shall find the joy of your existence-how ever small it may be.
9.-Thou shall find those who rejoice in your diversity.
10.- Thou shall be a diva! You deserve it!

New Post "Over Yonder"

I have passed along the fact I'm doing some writing over on Brianna Austin's TG Reporter site.
The latest one about dealing with neighbors is here.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Another Second Anniversary Post

From May 31st, 2010 this is one of my favorite posts. Just keep in mind it was about 5 years old-then!

"Here is one of the stories I sent to a friend  and she thought I should share so...Here" ya" go! Direct from alternate life style redneck bars , two stellar tales...of me being me.
The first establishment basically was a female biker bar, not hardcore outlaw women, but a serious crew none the less. The best way I can describe the place was I got the juke box turned off one night when I played Shania Twane "Lord I feel like a Woman." No sense of humor...kind of like the urinal that was made into a planter.
The best pick up line I heard was "you don't look half bad. Maybe I should take you with me and we can see what kind of time we could have."
YAHOO. Me thinks that could have hurt!
Back in those days my wife was still alive and I had to be home around midnight. She got off about that time and I had to be presentable with all signs of makeup gone. Believe me, no amount of jabbering would have saved my place in the house when I told her I was abducted by an alien lesbian.
A kinder and gentler lesbian bar also operated on the same side of town. I made friends there that I'm in touch with today. (5 years later)
One night karaoke was the entertainment. Here she comes...burr haircut, cowboy hat and weighing in at a
conservative 250.
I'm in long blond hair, tight jeans and boots. It occurred to me quickly...  it may be about time I started sharpening up my non existent singing skills.
She did ask me to sing, she TOLD me to pick out a song. I thought "is this the way they treat girls in Texas?" 
I opted for the only song my male self destroyed after many beers...the romantic ballad
 "You don't have to call me Darling, Darling.  You don't even call me by my name."
 David Allan Coe if you're familiar.(I think he wrote it in jail?)
After we made sweet music (ha) she said "your voice is as low as mine!"
I felt as if I was in a "Lola" song remake, just all twisted up. In this version, I was the guy and she was Lola. Well, I kind of was the guy and she was kind of the girl but backward... when and if she put me on her knee. I thought maybe I could outrun her if I took my boots off!
We parted friends (thank god!) and I don't truly know if she guessed my gender. I had never seen her before or after!
Unfortunately all the pure lesbian bars are closed now in the area. How
sad. I miss drinking free. But more importantly, I won't get to try out
one of my top fantasies...female strippers in a lesbian bar! Dammit!
Mo MO MO! as Billy Idol would say coming up!

Move Over Jenna!

From the UK:
 Angkookrat, known as Toon, was one of 200 'women' who entered Brighton's Next Hot Model contest.
Toon sailed through the preliminary rounds, with her
deep brown eyes, long dark hair and slim figure.

Only after being given the go ahead by the contest judges, "Toon" revealed she was a 26 year old
"Lady Boys of Bangkok Star" and was born male. Contest organizers said: "During the selection process it did not cross any of our minds that she was a man."

Can you blame them?

Monday, May 28, 2012

Not Just Another Transgender Pretty Face!

Yollada "Nok" Suanyot is officially Thailand's highest-ranking
transgender politician

Patrick Winn from the "Global Post" May 28, 2012 04:39

It's official. Yollada "Nok" Suanyot, one of Thailand's more famous
transgender cover girls, has gathered enough votes to become the
country's highest-ranking transexual politician.

According to the Thai-language outlet Matichon
, Nok, running as an independent candidate, successfully took on a
ruling party candidate in an election deciding who will help govern
their province's "provincial administration organization."

Trans Surfing

You all know I always catch "CD Janie's" blog.
Her insights are wonderful!
Once a year she attends a party with friends in "Vegas". From the way she describes it, it is a PARTY!
More importantly she has been writing about her "afterthoughts" recently.
Her latest post says a lot about accepting our lives as transgender folks.
Read it here.

Just a Tweet Away!

Sometimes I have a tendenency to forget about the growing number of readers here in Cyrsti's Condo that access us through "Twitter".
I did receive a comment from "Girl-Blossoming" on the recent "Male Privilege" post.
Very simply she said "What Privilege?"
Certainly, many of us agree with that or would argue there are intrinsic privileges which come with either gender.
Being who we are in the gender world as trans women or men, we just get a better view of both sides.

For all of you who access the blog on "Twitter" thanks so much!
Here's the bad thing about it. Communication (Tweets) are kept very short. The good thing? The tweets are kept very short!

Memorial Salute!

First of all, there are a couple of you here that have gone out of your way to thank me for my service to our country.  You other Vietnam Era vets know that thanks was never part of the deal for us. So I want to sincerely thank all of you for remembering!
In turn, I would like to thank all the others who have served for popular and non popular causes.
Popular or not, the sacrifice is still no different for the veteran and the family. Draftees or volunteers all stepped up for a way of life we believe in.
I am the first to say the system is far from perfect but still very much worth fighting for.
Memorial Day is second only to Christmas in our country as a holiday that can very easily lose it's real meaning.
It's so much more than just another day off to so many people!
Take a second to remember!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Male Privilege

Much has been written by many peeps on both sides of the gender fence about "male privilege".
Very simply privilege is the benefits one receives from simply being birthed as a male.
When I say "much" has been written, I'm not overstating the fact. I have even read several radical fem bigots use the male privilege term to even justify hating transsexual women. Somehow the TS women used their male privilege to cross the gender divide-or something like that.
On a much more personal and basic level, Sherri Lynn recently wrote a post on her blog about the subject.
Check it out here.


Yet another term! "Bishonen" literally means "beautiful boy" and is "Yohio's" preferred term for himself.

And another famous "Bishonen":
Andrej Pejic

Beware of Cougars!

The "Honey" moon is over?
Or just beginning?

Just A Moment to Think

When I see all the thousands of words written on all the nuances of the transgender or transsexual or bi gender or gender queer or the gender of the earth worms in your back yard- it has occurred to me it all comes down to this video:

All of the sudden the real problem is so clear and exceeding sad.

It's Time to be Proud!

It's the time of year when almost any community of size in the USA commemorates the anniversary of the 1969 "Stonewall" neighborhood bar incident  in New York City.
"Pride" events of all forms are happening across the country-as they should.
As basically the lowest common denominator, where does the everyday transgender person stack up in the situation?
I'm not real positive. Most of the public pride events I see- two things always happen (which are linked to the transgendered community) by people who don't know any better.
The two are drag queens and cross dressers. The queens are doing what they do best, presenting their flamboyant images of women and the cross dressers presenting their flamboyant image of the queens.
NOW, let me say I see nothing wrong with that. After all, the Stonewall incident was the result of queens protests. Also, if a cross dresser is tired of getting busted in the mall in 4 inch heels and 4 inch mini skirt-then this is a chance for another Halloween. Cool!
Neither of these images do me as a transgender woman any good. It's like saying "no that was not me you saw on Jerry Springer."
So I do have an immense amount of respect and pride for all who have stood up, been counted and effected change in our community.
Just forgive me if you happen to see my girlfriend and I kind of strolling hand in hand-totally unnoticed.
Should we call it "stealth-pride"?

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Cyrsti Can Remember Her Past!

Well at my age, I may need some help in the memory department!
Of course, with the help of "Blogger" and it's wonderful archives, we are dusting off a few of our initial posts from two years ago.
For some reason, the last one I brought back was never actually posted here on "Cyrsti's Condo". This one was:
I have been frequenting a couple of the casual chain bar/restaurants in the area for over ten years. On my first visit, I was so scared I took a seat next to a supporting post around the bar and tried to blend with it! Nothing in my closet that screamed Oak, so that didn't work.
I lived that night and found out the world wasn't trying to destroy me and continued to return. In fact, a couple of the bartenders that have waited on me since the beginning are still there!
I also became pretty good "buds" (no not the beer) with the crew of the companies' other unit. I ended up one night sitting next to one of the bartender's sister. I had heard stories about the exotic "stripper sis" and wasn't sorry! She was exotic with some well placed tats. Her other job was as a hairdresser and she proceeded to tell me how much she loved trannies and gave me some tips on my appearance. She even went as far as inviting me to sister #3's bachelorette party. (another story)
Her husband was always with her. He was a big guy with a classic Triumph bike and the look to go with it. He ran a lumber yard. What a threesome!
The only problem was she loved to trade shots and the extra Jaeger and Tequila was hard to survive!
About three months later, she broke up with her husband. I guess exotic strippers have a hard time with monogamy? One night after the breakup, he came in with about three other friends that I knew..
Regardless of his decision making process with women, the poor guy was heartbroken. I tried to lend some support the best I could and away I went.
A week later, he was in the bar again and came over to sit next to me. Much to my (and the bartender's amazement) he was really interested in talking about things like his bike and music. He was leaning into me ever so slightly and added some light touches. He had to be at work early the next morning, gave me his cell number and left. He never asked for mine.
One of the bigger mistakes I've made is that I never called him. Only saw him once after that and he moved away.
At that point in my life my profile would have read "no men" After my brief encounter with him, I changed that profile. Ever so briefly I connected with a person who shared many of the same interests with me. Ever so quickly, I never tried to see the gentle bear of a guy again.
All of a sudden spending time with a guy wasn't such a bad thought.
I often wondered what that ride on the back of his Triumph would have been like! 

Revenge Is a Dish Served How?

Over the years, I spent so much time wondering why and sometimes poking light fun at the females around me for two reasons- keys and hair.
I couldn't figure out the untold minutes wasted as women with me looked for their keys.
I also couldn't figure out the endless need to "do something with my hair".

Over the years, I have come to pride myself on the fact I have to have a fairly decent shot to the noggin (short of a concussion) to understand.
So here I am on that threshold.
Hot humid, sticky weather has arrived in my world with a vengeance. My hair is in a very in between place. Not quite long enough for a real pony tail, it is giving me fits. My survival tools are hair bands and hats so far. In the meantime I am feeling that endless need to "do something with my hair".
My plan is to wait another month or so and seek professional help- no not mental this time!
The idea is to find a stylist who can trim my hair in preparation for the future.
In the meantime...ha ha the jokes on me for ever doubting the need to do something with my hair.
The biggest meanest "karma" swing of the two is the "key" debacle.

Some sort of invisible force moves my keys in my purse in some sort of grand gesture of perverse joy.
Ha ha, the jokes on me again. Just where are those damn keys?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Yet Another Anniversary Post!

First of all, thank you Jillian for all your wonderful comments!
Of course some would question the use of "bravery" in my life. I would prefer to look at me just having an absolute will to live as I desire-mixed with a huge amount of good fortune along the way to have experienced what I have.
In my latest journey back into the dusty archives here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was thrilled to find this very topical post from May 31st, 2010:

"Finally found some extra time for myself during the first summer holiday weekend.

The weather was hot and humid so it was definitely time to pull out the denim mini that assumed a back place in the closet. It screamed my name.
It is worth mentioning the skirt only comes about three or four inches above the knee and I wear jeans most of the time.  I rarely wear heels. (boots the exception!!!) Don't don't put me at Wall-Mart in a micro mini and 4"heels PLEASE!

So a close leg shave, a flimsy off the shoulder top, flips and off I went. I must point out, I am not a rookie. I have been out and about for years. But I had a case of the nerves yesterday.
Don't know why.  My dress for the day was appropriate for a hot day. Skin in the summer around here is appropriate. Work dictates I can't shave my arms but I can my legs for comfort and fun. So bare legs help me blend in the summer. (I love it)
But for some reason yesterday I was being paranoid about presenting.
My first regular stop was a place I've been frequenting for years.  It is a national casual bar/rest chain with several big screens where I can watch my sports. A very relaxing start to the evening.  The feel of the bare legs was tremendous. No adverse reaction from anyone. Good.
 My second stop was another  regular stop for me.  Big place, big screens and big mirrors to check my reflection.  Always my favorite place. It's dark too! I always look better in that light! lol.
Last night however proved the earlier bout with nerves might have been a correct premonition.
The bar was fairly empty so a "muscle builder" type guy with big arm tats had a clear sight pattern of my skirt and legs. Over the space of an hour, he put it to good use.  I received a lot of visual attention.
I own what I wear, if I didn't want someone to look at my legs...I would have worn jeans.  So I don't know why the nerves. My "spidey" senses were up and I was ready for the approach but fortunately he belonged to the bartender and kissed her on the way out. Over reaction ruled again.
What did we learn? Calm down!  "Me thinks" I will wear the skirt again for a couple of the guys I do interact with!"

The part that bothers me the most about this post was, I never posted it?

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Yohio Video

Perhaps you have heard of the band Seremedy with a lead singer by the name of "Yohio" Take a look:

Cleanin' The Condo!

Well, not really. I don't have that much time.
Recently I have managed to get a few things accomplished though.
I went back through the dusty old archives here in "Cyrsti's Condo" to actually come up with the first published post. It was called "You Make a Better Looking Woman" from May 29th 2010. You can read it here.
There has been "a whole lot of makeup over the damn" since then!
I did get my appeal filed with the VA yesterday (Veteran's Administration) concerning their lack of wanting to pay for an outside physician to monitor my hormones and overall health. Of course I feel that stance is blantantly unfair-financially and morally.
Once again this year I missed "Stana" of Femulate during her visit in my area for what ever excuse of being crazy busy- or just crazy.
Also, I did see the disgusting story of the Japanese transsexual who sold the "extras" from her surgery at auction and even oversaw the cooking of them for the highest bidding diner. EEEEEEWH!!!!
She will be the star of the new reality show "Hormones Gone Wild"!
Finally a quote of the day:
"You can never take two things for granted when you wake up in the morning. Number one is that you will wake up at all. Number two? That your computer will come on and function properly!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Gay Bar Survival Guide

"Brianna Austin" recently came up with this "Gay Bar Survival Guide."
This whole idea has wonderful advice for you less experienced cross dressers just starting to test the feminine waters.
Gay bars and clubs seemingly are naturals for this process but again all may not be as it seems in some places.
I have told the story several times here about the intense transgender discrimination I experienced one night in a male gay bar. It was an experience which gave me the willpower to establish myself in straight venues. Follow the link above for more!

New "HorrorScope"

 I love this one!

Libra (September 23- October 22)
Be willing to break out of your boundaries and go o a new adventure, as you'll be craving a new flavor that you’ve never imagined before, and it might require some work to be satiated. The good news is that destiny is on your side and if you are willing to go out of bounds, something delicious will be waiting just past the finish line.

As always, the "HorroScope" (my term) comes from theFrisky!


I'm a contradiction in more ways than just my gender.
I know the anniversary date for the blog is coming soon but I'm notoriously bad in remembering dates. (Yes I will look it up!)
Since I have a history degree you (and I) would think I would be better.
Of course I have my own excuse why I don't.
I'm a forward thinking person who has a hard enough time staying the the present-let alone the past. On the other hand I'm a great believer in tradition and history guiding us forward.
See I told you I had contradictions!
Maybe gender is only the beginning!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"Jender Jump"

Just when I say I'm against new terms, here's one I've used recently with friends in conversations: "Jender Jump".
Relax , excuse the spelling and all. Also,  I know that some of you question my transgender card for living out what is left of my male life. That's OK, it's your life and that's cool. But:
The use of the term came as we were discussing how we made the journey to where we are today.
"Back in the day" more than once I spent time in both of my genders in one night. I would start as one and visit the remaining friends from my male life, go home and visually change my appearance to match my female self and visit my new female friends. The "Jender Jump" I called it.
She said "wasn't that difficult?". Of course it was and I hated it until it dawned on me "jender jumping" for me was the ultimate determination of how I was to chose how I wanted to live my life.
Regardless of all the endless banter about trans this and trans that the only person I needed to answer to was me. I was lucky to be have the opportunity to do so.
Turns out the "Jender Jump" had some real meaning after all! It's fairly obvious where the "Jump" ended up.

Gender Confirmation Surgery and Memorial Day

I recently received a really nice comment from Josie (Thanks!) In it she mentioned a newer term a doctor has been using for SRS- Gender Confirmation Surgery. I know we don't need more labels but this one seems to hit the nail on the head!
As we are into the week before Memorial Day in my part of the world, the suddenly unpredictable weather this winter and spring has become predicable.  It's going to be near 90 degrees Fahrenheit for the 3 day weekend. It's been warm this week and I've had a chance for the first time in my life to really feel the air and breeze on my arms and back.  Of course I've been able to remove and keep the hair off my body which has been surprisingly easy. My own hair is still not up to my length standards yet so I'm still wearing the longer hair pieces which still feel so good! The whole deal gives me wonderful  glimpses into what the future will hold!
Interestingly enough, I've found that timing is everything with this Memorial Day. For those of you from other parts of the world, if you don't know Memorial Day in the USA commemorates our military veterans fallen and alive.
As my own personal celebration, it will be time to send my appeal to the Veterans Administration (VA).  As expected they turned down paying for my private doctors consultation which I had to have. It's the only way they would fill my hormone prescriptions.
To put it simply, my VA caregivers said I qualified but they had no one qualified to prescribe. The way I see it-that's their problem not mine.
It's not a lot of money but then again, I don't have a lot of money and the principal is important here!
I will pass along more later this week!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Real World Beauty

Every now and then I run across a site which I have to put everything down and look at as far as taking care of my appearance.
Being the busy trans woman that I am becoming today, this site grabbed my attention for the multiple features it had currently going on skin care, makeup and yes- even plus size clothing.
It's called the Thread.
The current featured video made me feel vindicated in a way when the "expert" zeroed in on the problems plus sized women have with finding the right size of pants. Then of course, once you find them do they flatter you?
Adapting my male hips and rear is getting easier with the hormone induced addition of "padding" to the area (away with the damn foam pads!) but I have always have had a problem with my proportions. By proportions I mean the areas roughly between my waist, crotch and leg length. Early in my fashion explorations I found women's pants had a  dizzying array of styles and sizes.
Also, earlier in my life, my circle of friends were mainly cross dressers who felt wearing any kind of pants at all was heresy! I was always attracted to the "pant" side of fashion, even to the point of loving the "man tailored"clothes.
An example is recently I was communicating with a friend who I have known for years who said that night she was hanging out with her girl friends with her hair in a pony tail and ball hat, old jean shorts, tank top and one of her old men's oversize dress shirts over the outfit. Of course she has the benefit of years of hormone therapy to pull it off. I was envious!
Some of us would not see that as any kind of a fashion statement. I see them as missing a basic idea of a woman understanding her style and making it work.
Making it work comes from following sites such as the Thread and "borrowing" ideas from experts.
Another feature on the site compared "trashy" to sexy- a problem loads of us face as we go down a cross dressing or transgender road.
Then there was a story on make up shelf life.  How many of us face budget constraints and have that eyeshadow hidden for years? (Let me raise my hand again.)
Finally, for the sake of simplicity in this post, I'm not even going to go into the skin care tips.
Every once in a while I'm dazzled by a person who thinks somehow all of this is easy or natural. Indeed the art form with any woman, transgendered, transsexual or genetic is making the whole style piece look as if it was natural.
Most certainly, operations and hormones make the whole appearance and style agendas easier. I am really shocked though when I see any woman trans or not whose style is not having one.
At that very point I see sites such as the Thread or Fabulous after 40 not being a luxury. They are a necessity!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Gay or Transgender?

John Shore is a straight Christian writer, blogger and author of
several books, including "10 Ways (We) Christians Fail to be
In a recent post, John Shore came up with some very interesting numbers from recent national polls.
The numbers represented the American public's perception of gay and transgender men and women.
Here's a part:
"Do Americans prefer transgender people to gay people?

So the pretty darn surprising news out this week, courtesy of the
Public Religion Research Institute, is:

    * 89% percent of Americans (including strong majorities of all
religious and partisan groups) think transgender people deserve the
same rights and protections as other Americans.
    * 75% of Americans agree that Congress should pass laws to protect
transgender people from job discrimination.
    * Approximately two-thirds of Americans not only know what the
term “transgender “means, they’re well informed about transgender
people and issues.
    * Three out of four Americans think Congress should pass
employment nondiscrimination laws that protect transgender people.

These are Actual Findings from a recent RPPI survey, about which you
can read more here
<> "

Follow the links for more!


 For more by John Shore, visit his website at

Eye Eye Mam!

On occasion I believe I have forgotten more of what has gotten me to this point of my life than I remember.  Some of the more basic strategies I learned to judge and edge my way into the world have all made their way into the back of my memory or that much ignored book of mine. (Which sits like an elephant on a computer memory stick in the corner of my room.
As I have mentioned before, I write a column for "TG Life Reporter" where
I try to dredge up some of my earlier learning experiences out in the world as a girl.
In an upcoming column, I write about reading other people's reaction to me- particularly feminine reaction.
The whole process proved to be a real strong insight into female non verbal communication.
After a while, I developed a rating system based on women's stares.

1.- She stares right through me. A win! She is in her own world and not mine.  All is good.
2.- The little look and smile. She is letting you know "she is in on our little secret" #2 is an middle point which is normally harmless.
3.-The OMG negative look. Not good. She about breaks her neck looking at you and makes sure she lets her companions and the world in on her discovery. Vacate the area from this idiot.
Note-#2 and #3 should always send you back to the drawing board. What signs are you sending out to trigger those reactions and how can you improve the situation?
4.-The OMG positive look. She has heard or even knows a transgendered person and intrigued or pleasantly surprised to meet one. Take this for what it is and don't let your ego get in the way. Don't get your feelings hurt that she didn't think you were a genetic female.
5.- The YOU BITCH look. This is my favorite. She is sure you are a genetic woman and one she doesn't like. Either it's your clothes, hair or makeup-you have set her off. Just flash her your best "you are just jealous" and move on!
6.- The Nothing Look. The best compliment of all. Studies have shown humans determine gender in others within the first few seconds of seeing you. She sees female and you feel good!

Of course these are just the basics and one little trick to see what others are thinking of you is to not forget those "cheap sunglasses"!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Past and Present Transgender Beauty

The past comes from Paris in the 60's from the Christer Stromholm collection:
[Photo: <> Suzannah and Sylvia, 1962]

The second is from the present. An unbelievable picture of Jenna Talackova from the Miss Universe Pageant.
As a side light, if you ever have a chance to see one of the "Hooter's" national bikini pageants. That's where Jenna belongs!

Quote of the Day

If you die doing something impossible-it's not suicide?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

From the Knife to the Runway

Brazilian model "Lea T" is back on the runway after completing SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery).
From the looks of this picture, she is recovering nicely!

Transgender Wall of Fame

Always nice to look back!

Quote of the Day

"We spend so much time disguising ourselves to others, we end up losing track of who we really are" .


Hello! Finally time for a little update as I approach the 5 month point in my hormone journey.
First let me point out I started on New Year's Eve on a minimum dose for the first two months which was then doubled to 4 mg a day. It was my choice to go slow at first and I'm scheduled for an update appointment sometime in July.
The latest physical changes I can pass along are in the breast and hip area.
I can now put a full two fingers under the breasts (my own measuring system similar to the metric)
As satisfying as that is, the very beginning of hip development was wonderful too.
I have always had some sort of a slight waist line but then nothing in the hip or rear area. Slowly I'm starting to add some flesh into both of those areas that most genetic women hate to do.
With the warmer nice weather I have been able to at least to stabilize the weight gain I have experienced with my new less active life style and increased appetite. Some say it's hormonal induced. Some don't.
I finally listened to advice and began to use a cocoa butter moisturize for my face which has relieved the drying.
Overall I love the way my skin is softening and the soft glow I feel it has and hair growth on my body has definitely slowed.
The next step (with the advance of and the lowering of laser prices) would be laser facial hair removal which I would love. I just have other financial needs right now.
So there you go!
I'm sure it's familiar ground to you trans women (transgender or transsexual) but maybe informational (I hope) to you transitional girls who are considering taking a bigger step!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Socialization of Transgender Numerology

I'm thinking about now I have spent way too much time on my latest pet theory.
Just when I want to put it all to rest and enjoy passing along simpler fun posts about the effect of the hormones I'm on-there is more from "Natalie Reed":

"While cis girls, throughout their socialization and lives in our
culture, internalize cultural messages about ideal womanhood as a
demand of what they need to be in order to be considered valuable,
desirable, good women, they have the comparable “advantage” of at
least already being girls / women (or at least already having that
assignment). Trans girls, though, are subjected to those same messages
but internalize them as what is required to manifest womanhood at all.
We’re swimming upstream against our gender assignment, and if THAT is
what “being a woman is all about”, THAT gets internalized as the
standard we need to live up not simply to be loved and valued, but in
order to simply be read and perceived as ourselves. In other words,
while cis girls internalize it as what they need to be in order to be
good girls, trans girls internalize it as what they need to be in
order to be.

This ends up creating a whole lot more existential urgency in a trans
woman to live up to the cultural standards of womanhood. For us, the
question driving our self-hatred and self-consciousness over stupid
things like our body not meeting arbitrary-cultural-standard-of-beauty
#2677 isn’t as relatively easily conquered as the desire to “fit in”
or be “good”. It’s instead driven by the pressing need to exist, to be
embodied, to be seen by others and understood as who we are rather
than who we aren’t.

So when we’re told that we’re failing to live up to one of those
morphological standards, the consequence isn’t a feeling of “Oh shit,
I guess I’m not a proper woman”. It hits us much, much more deeply. It
undercuts our fundamental sense of being."

Natalie Reed comes up with very good points and you can read more here.
Now, lets see...about those hormones....

Transgendered Numerology

Recently, I watched a show on the scientific approach to sexual attraction. Essentially, as our lives progress we subconsciously choose mates in our numerical category. Most of us are fives or sixes and that is what we end up with for a mate. Not a ten or a one-a five. In essence that is what the show said not I.
Of course I wondered how all of that effects a trans person?
I have been fortunate enough to have met a couple before and after trans women in my life and seen pictures of many more. The best example of gender numerology was one of the people I met years ago. He was a very plain male. I would say a three but as a female? An easy eight. As introverted he was, she was the opposite. Was this the norm? Probably not. A few bodies are just gender ready to assume the opposite gender while most aren't.
Back to the numbers.  The great majority of us who will never make it to a feminine six or seven, let alone an eight or nine. We are lucky in many ways to be a five or six in either gender.
So what? Some of the most interesting, fun and stimulating people I have ever met, have been fives at the most. I won't even mention the other end of the spectrum of people who are nice to look at and that is it.
The biggest true problem we transgender women, transsexuals and cross dressers have with numerology is how it skews our thought processes. From the cross dresser who desperately wants to be a nine (in the ridiculous on  line skimpy photo) to the transsexual woman who thinks just one more procedure will make her that head turning babe (she turns heads all right and not for the right reasons)-it seems the numbers are ruling their lives.
Here's what you are thinking. What about matching your true gender with your external self- Cool! But at the expense of looking like a clown? I know-I've been in the clown category. If I had some sort of guidance about the power of self versus appearance maybe my journey would have been easier?
I of course, have no answer to all of this and it's all just speculation.
I just wonder how the gender attraction numbers work with trans people.  Hopefully someday a person much smarter than me runs attraction tests with our culture. It would be an incredibly complex process to add all the layers. Trans men and trans women, cross dressers, transgender and all who are attracted to their own birth gender or the other or both!
My only hope would be the findings could be a help to all of us struggling in the middle of all of this. Especially the younger ones!

Bo Derek and The Female Priviledge

Remember actress Bo Derek in the movie "10"? If you don't, she starred in the 1979 movie which was instrumental in establishing a numerical rating for feminine beauty. Very simply, the beautiful "Bo" was at least one man's version of the perfect woman-a ten.
Hey, it's a movie. Right?
My point is two fold. Is there a female privilege which extents past the external which Bo Derek enjoyed and as transgender women how does it fit with us?
One of the raging debates in the radical transsexual and feminist community is the concept of male privilege. My goal here is not to get bogged down in all the semantics of the argument. I just know growing up, the concept of benefiting from being a white male was far outweighed by the expectations. Again, another story.
The question? How do the so called "gender privilege's" effect trans women or trans men in any stage of their transition.
Let's refer back to "Bo" and use the very shallow example of physical appearance.
Appearance is indeed shallow but indeed very important as studies prove. From sexual attraction to job advancement facts show appearance is important.
As transgender people the "A" word certainly effects us deeply. I recently contributed to a  thesis survey which asked questions on appearance and fashion. Basically how does my appearance effect me and on a larger scale how do unisex fashions and the such effect overall gender stereotypes?
The point all of this is taking me to is what sort of before and after number do you put on yourself as either gender and how do the numbers effect your confidence.
More ideas coming in the next post!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Weekly "Horrorscope"

I do a lot of talking to myself and even answering myself. This "HorrorScope" is for the birds!
"Libra (September 23- October 22)
The truth will be subjective this week, putting you and your honey on opposite sides of the fence. You’ll say tomato, he’ll say to-mah-to. Thankfully, you don’t have to let this place a wedge between you, if you just take out your aggressions with more time out in nature. Yes, time to commune with the birds. At the very least, they won’t talk back to you."
As always (for the birds or not) this "HorrorScope" is from theFrisky..

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Oh Canada!

Big mistake. I mentioned Canadians, hockey and Tim Horton's but forgot Jenna!
Bobbie, Janie and all you other Canadians! I'm sorry!

"Jenna Talackova"

She's Baaack!

Yes there is more of me somewhere else (sorry!)
Approximately a month ago, I started to write a weekly column for "TG" For the most part I'm writing some original content which focuses on the dynamics of how I became the female me. I actually pull material from my 40,000 page book on the subject which is laying around here in Cysti's Condo somewhere!
It's free to become a member at TG Life and the site has a lot of fun features about crossdressing all the way through transsexuals. You need to become a member to view some of the material in the "TG Reporter" area of the magazine-where I write.
I have added a link in the blog list here on the condo.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Thinking of You Mom!

For many of us (in the U.S.) Sunday is Mother's Day. Sometimes I'm pretty ignorant. Do you UK folks have "Mum's Day" in Great Britain? How about you Canadians? You folks to the North are pretty independent with all those Tim Horton's coffee shops, 2$ coins and hockey.
At any rate the day should be a time to celebrate the unconditional love your Mom has always given you with flowers and dinner of some sort.
Hopefully that is true for you! Was she was the first to step up and say "that's OK dear, I'm happy you have come to grips with your cross dressing-just so you are not gay and not one of those transsexuals!"
Of course Mom's do run the spectrum in transgender acceptance.
I've written about my Mom. Here are the basics. She has been gone for nearly 20 years, was part of the WWII/Depression "Greatest Generation" and recommended electro shock therapy when I tried to come out to her.
Do I hold it against her? No-she was doing the best she could with her past. After our little chat that one night, the gender subject disappeared like the Nazi's to Argentina and was never brought up again.
She never knew I wanted a doll one Christmas instead of the BB gun my brother used on me. She never knew my fascination with her application of makeup when I was very young. She had to have known I was playing in her clothes and makeup later in life and chose to ignore it. We all know it was just a fad that would go away! Especially if you don't talk about it!
Through all of this Mom and Dad were incredible providers. He was a self made man who actually was the youngest son of a man born in 1869. Talk about spanning generations! I never knew him. He passed away in 1949 before I was born.
We were far from wealthy but never lacked for a good roof over our heads, food and education. On the other hand we always lacked emotional support.
So Mom, happy Mother's Day! I would have loved you more if I would been taught what was love was.
I do respect you though and I know you would see the irony the daughter you almost never had resembles you a lot and inherited your restless personality.
I wonder if you would be proud of me still trying to completely feel what that love thing is all about!.

Transgendered In Southeast Asia

For obvious reasons, Thailand earns most all or the transgender - transsexual news coming out of Southeast Asia.
This story comes out of Cambodia from the Phnom Phen Post:

"She waited patiently at the office of the Women’s Network for Unity because she had a message she wanted to deliver to Cambodia through the media. “Stop discriminating against transgendered people because this discrimination forces us into sex work to survive,” Touch Srey Leak said, explaining that it was impossible for her to get a job in the formal sector. She also said she wanted to “suggest to local authorities and police that they stop raiding and arresting sex workers, because they do this work because they have no choice”.

She said this quietly and without anger – as though she believed that if people understood her dilemma they would change their attitude towards her. She also asked whether the interview would be translated into Khmer because this was the audience she wanted to reach.

“Because you discriminate against me as a transgendered person I am forced to do sex work, and then you discriminate against me again for doing this work,” the 24-year-old from a village in Kandal province reiterated in her quiet logic.

Like most transgendered Khmers, Touch dislikes the Thai word “Kathoey”, which is often translated as “ladyboy” in English, but is used pejoratively here, even though some scholars say this is the culture the term originated in. Women born as men here prefer to be called Srey Sroh, which means “Beautiful Girl”: a phrase that fits Touch to a T."

Follow the link above for more! In many countries around the world, the person and nation change but the sad story is still the same.

TranssexualTV star Poppy receives the award for Most Attractive Star at the Star Kingdom Awards earlier this year. Photograph: Pha Lina

Friday, May 11, 2012

Laverne Cox "ENDA" it All!

Can't write it any better than this:
"Laverne Cox"
I was so moved by and proud of President Barack Obama's history-making declaration yesterday with this sentence: "For me, personally, I think it's important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think that same-sex couples should be able to get married." This is great news. Marriage equality is indeed an issue for transgender Americans, as well, as evidenced by Littleton v. Prange, and recently by Nikki Araguz's case. But while I believe in and am a huge supporter of marriage equality, as a transgender woman of color, I recognize that there are arguably bigger issues for my trans brothers and sisters, issues like employment and health-care discrimination and violence against transgender people, particularly trans women of color.
This is why I went to Albany, N.Y. Tuesday for Equality and Justice Day. I wanted to lend my voice to the support of the passage of the Gender Expression Nondiscrimination Act (GENDA). Many transgender folks are fighting for our lives and basic civil rights all over this country, and to have those rights acknowledged by our legislature in the state of New York right now. For the fifth year in a row, the state assembly has passed GENDA, but the bill has yet to come to the floor for a vote in the Senate. This bill is about acknowledging that trans folks should have the same rights as everyone else. That's all. It's simple. This is America. Equal access and opportunity are what we're supposed to be about.

Being a Political Transgender Person

By nature I am a political person. Raised in the shadow of the Kennedy's and Martin Luther King's assassinations, I felt the hypocrisy of a truly great country which over the years had been very slow to equalize basic rights to all it's citizens. The so called "white male privilege" did buy me an all expense paid trip to Southeast Asia and infantry training.  So why should I complain?
Now it seems, I occupy a unique political spot. I'm old enough to be the offspring of a true "greatest generation" parents and even older grandparents. My paternal grandmother used to tell us stories of going to the Ku Klux Klan meetings in a wagon. Of course I was wondering about my own gender and why people couldn't look past color to co exist as she was talking.
Then there were those old pesky ideas of equal rights. It took until 1920 for the Nineteenth Amendment to give women a national right to vote and the 1960's to get the Equal Rights Bills passed. So what the hell, why wasn't this country practicing what it preached as far as freedom went? It was always too easy to say- well we are better than any other country. Just exactly what does that mean?
It means to me as I read news about the Canadians, Argentina and others making progress in transgender rights I get upset.
I get upset because I feel essentially powerless.
I do join on line causes,  write this little blog and do my best to present myself as a proud transwoman to the public.
On the other hand I see many of the bigger mainstream transgender blogs who seem more interested in endlessly debating terminology than making any significant difference.
Finally, I have never stopped being a competitor and I want my country to be the best it can and the belief we can get there!

It's On!

When President Obama endorsed same sex marriage yesterday, the expected backlash did not take long to materialize but as they say in the old country-"we ain't seen nothing yet"!
By the way, I'm writing another companion post on politics.
For what it's worth, here's my take on the situation:
I believe the President caught all the conservatives off guard with his timing and responses started immediately in the House (of course) but I would bet the "Romney" campaign was burning some serious "midnight oil" trying to figure out their next move.
Romney ends up with the chance to get pushed into a conservative corner most feel he was in anyhow.
Now of course here comes rounds of dirty political tricks from both sides. In fact Bobbie Douglas just sent me this story from "The Raw Story"

"Eric Fehrnstrom, a top aide and political strategist to presumptive Republican presidential candidate former Gov. Mitt Romney (MA), made headlines earlier this year with a gaffe comparing Romney in the primary fight to an “Etch a Sketch” that you can flip over and shake and start over with as a blank slate in the general election. Before he was an adviser to Romney, Fehrnstrom was a political columnist for the Boston Herald. According to a profile in GQ, in 1992, he outed recently-elected Massachusetts Rep. Althea Garrison (R) as a transgender woman, effectively ending her political career.
Althea Garrison was a Boston politician and activist who was elected as a Republican to the Massachusetts state House in 1992. Two days after her election victory, Fehrnstrom published an article in the Herald announcing that Garrison had been born male.
“I can remember his glee when he found the birth certificate,” said a former Herald reporter named Robert Connolly.
The outing of Althea Garrison raises serious questions about the culture of the Romney campaign, where Fehrnstrom operates as a privileged member of the command team and as Romney’s longest-serving, most-trusted political strategist. It has been said that if Karl Rove was “Bush’s brain,” then Fehrnstrom is “Romney’s balls.”

I'm not going to say I'm unbiased and I believe there will be more than a few of right wing preachers who will work this theme into Sunday's Mother's Day sermons.

So get ready. All of this should be interesting!

Andrej Pejic Bridal Pictures!

Well in actuality Andrej Pejic  paraded down the catwalk  in a stunning bridal gown, for Spanish designer Rosa Clara during Barcelona’s 22nd Bridal Week.
Every ounce of my inner female just wants to dislike him! :)


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Argentina-The Transgender Gold Standard?

From our Bobbie Douglas, and the Associated Press:

"Transgender rights activists say Argentina now leads the world by granting people the right to change their legal and physical gender identity simply because they want to, without having to undergo judicial, psychiatric and medical procedures beforehand.
The gender identity law that won congressional approval with a 55-0 Senate vote Wednesday night is the latest in a growing list of bold moves on social issues by the Argentine government, which also legalized gay marriage two years ago. These changes primarily affect minority groups, but they are fundamental, President Cristina Fernandez has said, for a democratic society still shaking off the human rights violations of the 1976-1983 dictatorship and the paternalism of the Roman Catholic Church.
Activists and academics who have tracked gender identity laws and customs worldwide said Thursday that no other country has gone so far to embrace gender self-determination. In the United States and Europe, transgender people must submit to physical and mental health exams and get past a series of other hurdles before getting sex-change treatments.
Argentina's law also is the first to give citizens the right to change their legal gender without first changing their bodies, said Justus Eisfeld, co-director of Global Action for Trans Equality in New York.
"The fact that there are no medical requirements at all — no surgery, no hormone treatment and no diagnosis — is a real game changer and completely unique in the world. It is light years ahead of the vast majority of countries, including the US, and significantly ahead of even the most advanced countries," said Eisfeld, who researched the laws of the 47 countries for the Council of Europe's human rights commission."

Read the whole article here.

The last part of the article-as well as Ontario, Canada's new provincial stance just astounds me.
If this continues to play out around the world (even in the USA)- will I and others like me, have the self determination to be who we are as transgender people with out society's condemnation (which I can handle) and radical transsexual's condemnation (which I can't).

Such A Day!

It almost seemed Wednesday was information overload day around here.
Of course the biggest news was President Obama's support of same sex marriage. Many suspected he would go that direction, but of course not until after the election. It's easy to put a lot into this proclamation. Of course it's huge when a US President comes out in support of gay marriage but that doesn't mean the gay population of America will be able to go out and get legally married anywhere this weekend. Plus (being selfish) what does it mean for the transgender community? Again a lot. If a trans woman or a trans man wants to marry a same gendered person, then the possibilities should become easier.
I am not going to get into politics or the future here. I'm not worthy! At the least I would think even the strongest naysayers in our world would not down play the President's statement.

On we go to the music world. Yesterday the story exploded (Rolling Stone) about "Against Me's" lead singer "Tom Gabel" coming out as transgender or transsexual. Not being the current music critic, I did a little more reading and found "Against Me's" music  is very aggressive and Gabel's voice was so deep and raw and all things associated with masculinty. . (Not a huge surprise to many of us who went through the same phase). Seemingly, most of their fans are angry teenage boys. Maybe that's why they are angry?

Then (lost in the shuffle) was "Sarah McBride".
"Sarah McBride"
Here's the headline from "The Eagle": After years of struggling with gender identity, AU student president
comes out as transgender to supportive campus.
It's important to note Sarah is also the outgoing student government president at "American University" who started her term as "Tim".
Of more importance is "Mara Keising's" description of Sarah:
 Keisling,  is the executive director
of the D.C.-based National Center for Transgender Equality
<>  (NCTE) and said "Sarah is remarkable,'' says Keisling. ''She already has quite an
amazing political résumé. She's just going to be a really important,
amazing, significant and visible trans person, I'm convinced. She's
smart, amazing and committed to public service. I think that's why
she's been willing to be visibly out."

Wow! Such a day!!!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Quote of the Day

"Today is the next day of the life I’ve already had, but at the same
time, the first day of the life I always knew I wanted to lead."

Sarah McBride, outgoing  President Student Body, American University explaining her transgender status.

Let My Trans People...

From Monica Roberts at "Transgriot". If you haven't heard about her she is a writer, award winning activist, lecturer, speaker, native Houstonian and Texan who transitioned in 1994. I have a link to her blog here.
Here's part of her latest post, follow the link above for more:

Let my transpeople pee in peace without being messed with by ignorant cis people.

Let my transpeople access trans specific and non trans specific health care without the Janice Raymond restrictions being used by insurance companies and transphobic doctors to deny them coverage.

Let my transpeople be able to work and keep a job they are qualified for.

Let my transpeople be able to have identity documents that accurately reflect the person they are now.

Thanks Monica!

A Broken Promise

Some where in my dim past here on the Condo I promised more pictures from the Christer Strömholm: Les Amies de Place Blanch exhibition at the " New York International Center of Photography".
The exhibit is described as raising profound issues about identity, sexuality, and
gender - features 40 photographs, historical publications, and
ephemera documenting young transgender males in the heart of Paris’ red-light district in the 1960's.
Here is a picture of "Belinda":

Rolling Stone Gathers Transsexual Mass

One of my "bestest" contributors, Bobbie alerted to me to this upcoming "Rolling Stone" article about "Tom Gabel":
"Against Me! singer Tom Gabel reveals plans to begin living as a woman in the new issue of Rolling Stone. Gabel, who has dealt privately with gender dysphoria for years, will soon begin the process of transition, by taking hormones and undergoing electrolysis treatments.

"Tom Gabel"

Writing on the Condo's Wall

I received a quick comment from "Reality Check" on my recent post concerning "Jackie Green".
The comment:
"So is she transgendered or transsexual? Which is it?
You wanna have both ways?"
Truthfully, I have always coveted "having it both ways".
Growing up I was always hammered by my parents for wanting money without working for it. As I embarked down my own transition my wife always told me I wanted to be a pretty girl for the benefits and not experience the reality of womanhood-then jump back to my male side. Both were true but not feasible.
As far as transgendered versus transsexual goes, I agree they are different even though some definitions say they are not.
I also think the word play/semantics debate about the two terms is quite tiring.
Having said that, perhaps you regular readers here have seen that I have added both terms more and more when I write. Rather than being more attractive to search engines, for the most part I do try to keep peace in the family.
I am a firm believer you all should not be subjected to the petty stories of discrimination and  venom I have been subjected to over the years by those in our culture/community/umbrella. (Yes those words are potential problems too!) I never have wanted this blog to go down that path.
Yes I do want to have it both ways "Reality Check" yours and mine!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Dragging Out The "Tupperware"

Apparently selling "Tupperware" is and isn't a drag for "Dixie Longate":
Drag artist Dixie Longate has been selling Tupperware for more than 10 years – most recently through a stage show that doubles as a party – apparently becoming one of the biggest sellers in the US.
She says that, on two occasions now, she has shifted more "fine-quality plastic crap" than anyone else in a year, and been invited to the Tupperware sales conference to collect her tiara. Known as jubilees, these conferences are "fantastic, like a cult without the animal sacrifice ... When I was No 1 last time I had sold $219,000 of Tupperware in a year. Ain't that crazy?"
Dixie Longate
It is.
A party takes place globally every 1.7 seconds, with sales of $2.3b in 2010.
You better "drag" out all the old Tupperware in your cupboards!

Another Transsexual Beauty Queen?

With all the "hoop-la" over the success of Jenna Tackalova winning her bid to compete in the "Miss Universe" pageant, it's easy to forget young transsexual woman "Jackie Green" competing in the "Miss England" pageant.
Jackie (pictured above on the right) is now 18 and has secured her place in the
semi- final of the national beauty pageant.
She won the public vote in a heat, impressed a panel of judges
and became the first transgender teenager to go through to the Miss
England semi-final.

The event will take place on May 30.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Weekly "Horror Scope"

Already a week has blown by and it's time for another "horror scope" from "theFrisky"!

"You aren’t one to judge, but when you hear all the tales another tells you this week, you’ll be wondering if they aren’t pathological. As it goes, what you’ll find out isn’t exactly the most normal news, so for that, don’t be shy to ask for proof. After all, you deserve the full show, as it’s only real talent that will satisfy a lady like you."

Well, I have never identified with "normal", not really shy and I love the show!

More Explanation from a Smarter Person!

The EEO transgendered inclusive policy decision has been publicized and kicked around now for the last week or so.
Here is another view from "Sherri Lynn" and she takes it a step further:

" This (ruling) is the first major milestone in affording us equal rights and could be what is needed to compel Congress to pass ENDA. It is important to understand that it was the Democrat party that obstructed the passage of ENDA. It was passed in committee, and sent for final markup. The Democrat chair of the committee, did not move the bill forward and it expired in his possession. Not that I believe it would have moved forward under Republican leadership either. We simply must be aware that one's political allegiance is no guarantee of advancing our rights, though it is the Democrat party that has helped us the most. Still we do have allies in the Republican camp and it does not serve us well to blindly endorse one party or the other. We need to learn about each member of the House and the Senate and determine who will help us advance our quest for civil rights"
Read more here


Being Transgender and Religious

Admittedly I'm more spiritual than religious but I watch with interest of course those transsexual and transgender  folks that are.
Of course I could go on a righteous rant about those who use what organized religion they chose to fabricate reasons to beat us down. When I see us get rejected and trashed from the pulpit (or wherever) it just reinforces my thoughts of hypocrisy concerning most organized religions.
I just have never believed a higher being really cares how I feel about my gender. I do believe the higher force does believe how I treat the world is important!
So, when I see transgender or transsexual people stepping up to protest and attempt to affect change in their religions- I have more than a passing amount of respect!
Here's a story featured on the "Institute of Religion and Democracy" site about two of those people!
Read more here.
While I'm editorializing, I do fear a right wing religious backlash on our hard earned gains!

United Methodist Layperson Giselle Lawn and Pastor David Weekley spoke Wednesday about their experience as transsexual persons. (Photo credit: Institute on Religion and Democracy)

250 Large

Two Hundred Fifty Thousand hits and growing here on "Cyrsti's Condo"!
You all are the BEST!

Sunday, May 6, 2012


"This creation of an illness is not a trans centric concept.  It
postulates, fundamentally, a variance that is undesired in the greater
population, and, in this case, this variance is considered harmful in
and of itself. In my seeking to work and promote a trans centric
understanding of things, this fell under my sights that long ago time
and I did my usual thing of sitting on a rock like stool and assuming
a famous pose of an elbow on a leg, head resting on a fist, and
peering forward into the vagaries of that which lies behind my eyes.

In other words, I sat and thought about it.  Thunk on it, in the vernacular."

Afterwords, I sat and thought about it and thunk on it and said Huh?
Just to prove I didn't make this up...go here.
All this time I was kicking myself for not making it through the sixth grade without new crayons.

Have You Seen Her?

I'm fortunate to have restablished a tie with a person I met years ago in my formative cross dressing years.
As I look back on the experiences with him and the others in the small group of individuals we used to "hang out" with "back in the day", it is truly amazing the diversity in the small numbers.
I would say this little social group numbered at the most 8 or ten people. Included were two who went on to complete the change, so we numbered a couple true transsexuals.  Another two or three would probably be called transgender today. Of course there were a couple cross dressers, a couple spouses and even an admirer thrown in.
Looking back the 30 plus years or so and I compare the learning experience with going to a diverse public school instead of a private school with all the same kids.
At any rate, as I have started to share some of my recent experiences with him, his most basic comment is Wow, what happened to the person I (him) used to know?
Of course I don't hold the comment against him, but that person so many years ago is gone. Our paths went separate directions and he stayed firmly in the closet (his choice-it's all good) and of course you see where I have ended up. (No cheap shots!)
He now is wondering (and asked) when I am embarking down the final path to SRS.
Well, I'm not I told him. I explained I am very comfortable where I am in life right now and more importantly the people I love and love me are comfortable with me too.
I guess that very thought pattern was foreign to him and maybe more sustainable in  today's society than in the past?
With all the information available these days, it's almost as if we are going through a knowledge bonanza that us (older) trans folks haven't seen since the internet started to boom.
All of the sudden I'm finding others like me and life choices I didn't know existed. Sort of like when I was so alone as a youth thinking I was the only one in the world who thought about gender like I did.
It has been a special experience contacting with him though! The whole process has given me yet another chance to step back in time and evaluate where I have come from. In the end, it's the best way to predict the future!

Interesting Problems

As our springtime weather has finally settled in here in my little part of the world, the need for severe lawn care is upon me.
I don't have a lot of property and over the years I have let several of the old garden areas go wild.
This year however, I want to be organic hippie girl and plant herbs for a friend of mine to use in her products and grow some tomatoes, peppers and oregano to use in cooking later this summer.
So here I am with a couple of dilemmas. First it's warm and second I don't want to risk a farmers tan on my neck and arms if I'm out with a t-shirt on. (A farmers' tan comes up your arms to where the shirt starts-not exactly complimentary with a sleeveless top.) The hormones are working and my breasts are beginning to take on a very feminine shape so taking my shirt off is still barely in the realm of possibility. I'm very fair skinned and have never been able to tan so lotion is a necessity too.
I do have a high wooden fenced in yard so privacy is very good.
So, solution? Go topless?  Put on one of my sleeveless tops to do the work. I have never owned one of the male sleeveless t shirts so I didn't want to put out the money now for one of those.
What I did do was find the biggest old T-shirt I had and "customized" it with a pair of scissors.
Being the fashion designer I am not, I cut the sleeves off and cut around the neck line to expose more shoulder and only stayed in the sun for about 5 minutes at a time.
I realize as the hormones keep working their magic none of this will be feasible. For now though, today was like most everything else in my life-in transition!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

From Pretty Boy to Beautiful Girl

Here's a video I thought you all may enjoy. One of the benefits the boy in the video starts with is a "female ready" body!

This is Too Damn Simple?

"There's no difference Honey (Cyrsti) between cross dresser, transgender, or transsexual for that matter. They are just the same people on different planes of development. Just like not everybody graduates from first grade, not everybody graduates into accepting themselves fully as what they are. The fetish thing isn't a fetish, at all. It's just the first step for most of us - the first thing we accept about ourselves. With time many move past that as they start accepting the other things. And some don't. It's really that simple. Only the people that don't want to admit that we're all apples from the same try try to make it more complicated."
A comment by Jamiegottagun on When is There a "T" in Crossdresser?

Come on Jamie, lets be real careful about making all this simple!!!!  Nice Job.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Trans Discovery

During my endless surfing in the transgender galaxy I come across people and places which stand out.
I compare the feeling with having access to the "Hubble" Telescope and discovering a new planet or star.
For every transsexual, transgender or crossdressing story I discover there are probably hundreds of others still waiting to be discovered.
Here is my latest which is actually a rediscovery of Annika.
Before and After!
From what she wrote, she doesn't update the blog much but it's a site with really nice videos and pix of her life.
Check it out here.

A Long Trans Woman's Shopping List

This post is from a couple of known resources, "Autumn Sandeen" and "Pam's House Blend".
 It's a very long list called a "A Shopping List of Trans Woman's Shame"
As I read it I saw one, then two then many items I wanted to pass along.
I soon realized I shouldn't highlight my own agenda's (again) and let you decide.
Read it here.

Are We There Yet?

I have never had the luxury of feeling comfortable in either gender.
Can't totally claim womanhood anatomically but feel comfortable in all the female community. Communication, friendship and all.
Never could claim manhood. Existed in it, was sometimes successful with it but never felt secure in it.
Never did I wake up thinking I was only a boy but never thinking I was only a girl...never.
As with many of my posts here, I'm only writing this from an informational view point. Maybe you have been or are in the same place. Ironically, a place that leads to scorn from within our own community.
What began my introspection into who I am and where I am going as a transgender human came from a thesis project I am contributing to.
Here are a couple excerpts from my response to a gender stereotype question:

"I believe humans are desperate for something basic to cling to and gender is the most basic one. That's all good when there are only two recognized genders. What about a third? I have no recollection of having the luxury of thinking I was one gender.

Many of the ancient Native American tribes believed in dual gender spirits in humans and somewhere along the line (major religions) many of the beliefs were lost.

I don't really identify with the gay community (not a drag queen) or either primary gender.  I do my absolute best to use my look to shout female but know that until I can birth a child (never) or have monthly periods but I can only really say I am a feminized male who (I think) feels female. Who really knows? If you were born either gender and never questioned it-you know. The rest of us? The best case is we can pick and chose the best of both worlds. The worst case is more prevalent. Confusion, depression and lack of understanding.

Two things are sure...I can only know what makes me feel natural  and that is coming as close as I can to doing stereotypical girl things.  One of my biggest learning experience was adjusting to the dynamics of feminine communication and power structures...all so much more complex than male ones.

All of this is just a huge feast for thought and no, we are not there yet.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

When is There a "T" in Crossdresser?

Recently, I have had the chance to explain to others my own transition from crossdresser to transgender person.
I understand each of our cases is different but I wanted to write about mine in the hopes I can understand the process more. Hopefully parts of it will ring true to you!
I've always believe the true transsexual kids have it better if there is such a thing in our culture. They start with a clear knowledge of their true gender.The rest of struggle with a huge why?
For the rest of us our transgendered existence starts off with a fetish attraction to clothes of the opposite gender.
I'm not an expert, but I'm thinking this is more prevalent in males more than females.  Hose, bras, girdles and "borrowed" feminine clothes are irrestible attractions.
Now, if the clothes stay more of a fetish to a person and become the end result for "dressing up" chances are you are the classic cross dresser. Let me point out, I am not making any value judgements-so don't attack me.
Where the "T" starts to become part of the cross dresser may start in the mirror.
Certainly any of us live in our mirrors.  The reflection serves as a validation of our chosen gender. How the validation works is the important part.
Do you see yourself looking the part of your chosen gender or do you see yourself as who you really are?
Here are the steps I took in my journey.
Yes, in the earliest days, the bras, hose and other female clothes were sexually stimulating to me-but not for long. Something was missing.
The missing "T" in my being took a long time to understand. Gender validation became less and less in how I looked and more and more on how I felt.
I'm not a huge fan of long drawn posts on subjects, so I will write more on this later including why many of us are obsessed with less than flattering photography of ourselves.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Fair and Un Biased?

Recently we have seen various documentaries centered around certain transgender youth. The obvious question is are these a positive or negative for our community?
Recently "In the Life" took a look at transgender and non conforming gender children.
Take a look:
On the plus side is "Janet Mock" transsexual female. On the negative side (of course) is Fox news using the word demonic... really?

Cyrsti's Quote of the Day

"Life is a thin line between what side of the dirt you are on!"


Weekly "Horror Scope"

Well here it is friends! From the Frisky.
Libra (September 23- October 22)
If you want to listen to sad songs and feel the romance of tragedy, go for it. After all, we all need to hit a bit of rock bottom to propel back into full working order. So, go ahead, play the baby, and throw yourself a glorious pity party, because by the time you’re done, you’ll probably want to turn up the music and dance!

Maybe it is referring to my new hormone induced emotional changes? Turn up that damn music!!!!!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

We are Everywhere!

 Coming up Friday in the same week as the National Geographic transgender special aired-there is more coming Friday on ABC.  Here's the promo and yes I did notice how they destroyed Jenna Tackalova's name!

Transgender” — the word and the shifts in sexual identity it encompasses — have become more mainstream. Transgender women have been on the cover of major fashion magazines, and one transgender woman, Donna Tackalova, recently competed in the Miss Universe Canada pageant.
Legal boundaries are being pushed. Nikki Araguz, a transgender widow of a firefighter, is suing the City of Wharton, Texas for workers’ compensation benefits that she was denied because she was born a man.
Perhaps most famously, Chaz Bono, a transgender man, competed on “Dancing With the Stars.”
But Bono received hate mail, an example of the discomfort many feel about this trend.
“What Would You Do?” tested people’s acceptance of transgender with a scenario set at Colonial Diner in Lyndhurst, N.J. Carmen Carrera, a 26-year-old transgender woman who has appeared on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” played herself as if she were a waitress at the diner. Kevin, an actor, played a longtime customer back from a yearlong trip who deplores that the waiter he knew and liked as “Christopher” is now a woman.
“What the hell is the matter with you? Look at yourself! You’re a freak!” Kevin said.
“I’m not a freak, I’m transgender,” said Carrera. This appearance marks the first time Carrera has revealed that she is transgender.
How would diners react to Kevin’s scorn? Would anyone step in and defend Carrera?
One patron, Mary, tried to calm Kevin.
“Look at Chaz Bono,” she said. “Cher’s son. She used to have a daughter and now she’s a guy.”
Kevin only got angrier. “I don’t think I can even eat here!” he said. “This is disgusting.”
A group of women looked ready to rally behind Carrera, but right then Michael Rizzo, a diner regular, walked across the room to confront Kevin.
“It’s okay to be whoever you want to be. This is America,” Rizzo said.
Believe it or not, things were just getting started.
Watch the whole scenario on “What Would You Do?” Friday at 10 p.m. ET.


Every once in a while life seems to move at "warped" speed (my term-not Spock on Star Trek)
First of all, let's get the fun "stuff" out of the way!
Yesterday I was featured on "Jessica Who's" site! Jessica has one of the most entertaining and informative sites on the web (and she is gorgeous!). I'm flattered to have been a part!
I'm always also flattered to have "Sherri Lynn" read and comment on my prisoner care blog post. Her comment seems to mirror most of the feedback I have received that hormonal treatment should be as far as prisons should go!
While I'm mentioning Sherri check out her latest blog post on driver license gender markers in Virginia here.
It's a very positive move which I hope my home state of Ohio follows since my license comes up for renewal this year!
Looking ahead a bit, the month of May looks as if I will have the chance to participate in a couple of study programs seeking information about the transgender, transsexual culture and all the many layers in between.
I always welcome the opportunity to pass along any of my experiences in the world if it can help anyone to understand where we come from.
Let's see, this post puts me over the 1000 mark here on "Cyrsti's Condo"! Wow! Who would have "thunk" it!
None of it would have been possible without all of YOU! -Trans women, trans-men, cross dressers, transvestites and all!
Thanks! Can't wait for the next 1000 if the force is with me!!!!!!!