Finding a Transgender Friendly Place

Did I get your attention with this title? Actually it's one of the bigger questions I get on a regular basis. Over the years I have tried to over think this process and come up with  complex answers I can't even follow.

Last night though, in a rare moment of brilliance- my transgender spirit guide said "listen dummy, you find your own places by just going there."

I thought for a moment a said "wow spirit peep you are on to something!"

Think about it, we all have the power to help a place to become transgender friendly. But of course there are rules:

One of the biggest misconceptions is that all gay venues are trans friendly.  The truth of the matter is you have to educate them the same as any other place.  They just don't know us. Recent surveys have indicated that only 10% of the population has met a transgender person-change that!

Shopping of almost any kind should be a given. After all you are spending money with the merchant.  You can also endear yourself if you don't treat women the way they treat each other. If you don't know, listen sometime.

Which brings me to what I assume are common sense points:

1- Never Assume your experience is going to be a bad one and be a bitch. With that attitude you will be right. More than likely you will give yourself and the rest of your trans sisters and brothers a bad start.
2.-Mind your own Business, be pleasant and TIP well when you are in a service situation.  You will indeed make a good impression.
3.-Go Back.  Maybe not common sense but a good point.  If you become a good customer, you will be remembered and even protected in certain situations.
4.-Communicate. I learned this one the hard way. When you don't talk to people they assume the worst about you. So what if you don't think you have the sexiest female voice around. Not using your best effort will hurt you more in the long run.

Last but certainly not least, rest room and dressing room usage.

Very iffy and very sensitive.  Too big of a subject to be covered here except to say I do have one definite standard. When I'm a great regular customer in the places I go-I can get my restroom privileges. Employees and managers get used to me using the women's room.  BUT any "civilian" (not an employee) can change that in an instant with a complaint.  The last thing I want to do is cause a scene. Years ago a male manager at one of my regular haunts revoked my rest room card.  I simply went up the street and established myself at a competitor.  About 6 months later, he got fired and a few of the employees who were still there came and invited me back. How nice was that?

Finally, YOU have the power to enable a place to become transgender friendly.  Just don't go dressing all crazy, acting like an idiot and being a poor citizen. You will just ruin it for all of us.

So Close to Home

From Shane Morgan, Trans Ohio Founder & Chair:

"Tuesday, April 30, 2013 Not One More.

   Those words still resonate with me. It’s the title of a poem written by our board member Erin Upchurch and read aloud at the 2011 Trans Day of Remembrance

. Not One More. Today, we learned that a community member from the Olmsted Township, a western suburb of Cleveland, was murdered and found floating in a local pond. She had been stabbed and tied to a concrete block. Local newspapers quoted people saying that they thought that she was a “mannequin, floating in the water” – the image of this burns in my head, just as the image of Matthew Shepard does – propped up against a fence like a scarecrow.

  Not One More. The outrageous and the stereotypes that have been perpetuated by the media are unthinkable, and honestly I find myself having to be reserved in what I write about them – the media, at this very moment. It disgusts me on so many levels; I don’t even know where to begin. Not One More. “While we remember and honor the life of Ce Ce, we - her community - have the responsibility to ensure that her death, her life and her struggle do not exist in vain," says TransOhio board member Erin Upchurch from Columbus. “The violent death of this young woman is unconscionable and needs to be addressed. Ce Ce was someone’s child but the perpetrator of this horrific crime could not see that all they saw was how she was different and trying to live their life the best they knew how. This is the third trans woman of color murdered in April in the United States alone and this needs to stop! This was a beautiful young lady whose life was stolen from her and all the news can talk about was what she was wearing, shame on them!” shared Cleveland trans activist, Jacob Nash.

   Not One More. “As a representative of MTQWI and the Cincinnati Trans* Community Group, I am both saddened and appalled by the news Cemia’s death. This tragic loss, and how it was handled by the media, reminds us of harsh realities; that transgender youth continue to be at severe risk; that transgender women, especially women of color, are frequent targets of violence; and that society still struggles to recognize trans* people as human beings deserving of kindness, love, and respect. Cemia’s attackers robbed her of her life and the offensively transphobic language of the Cleveland Plain Dealer robbed her of her dignity. We stand with Cemia Dove tonight as members of the trans* community and as fellow human beings,” says JAC Stringer.

   Not One More. It’s a difficult thing to wrap my head around – such intentional brutality intended to be hidden and never surfacing – literally. As a human being, as a compassionate person, as somebody’s friend, brother, sister, child – I can’t even begin to comprehend what Ce Ce’s family and friends are going through. As a community, we cannot allow this kind of violence to continue to happen, nor can we continue to allow the media, those who use our faces on camera or stories on the tv – we cannot allow them to use us – ANY OF US – especially our trans brothers and sisters of color – to be beaten down, brutalized and shown in the media as if there is something wrong with us, that we must have deserved such treatment. Tonight and as tomorrow comes and goes, we must reaffirm our commitment to one another, to our community. We must stand up for one another and put aside differences. We’re stronger together as a unit – let us not forget that. Stay strong. Grieve. Heal. Stay committed. You are worth it. We are worth it. In community,

 Shane Morgan Founder & Chair, TransOhio"

   As the sun came up so brightly on a Spring day and the birds were chirping here...this very dark cloud came across the horizon.

Laverne Cox "ENDA" it All!

Can't write it any better than this:

"Laverne Cox"

I was so moved by and proud of President Barack Obama's history-making declaration yesterday with this sentence: "For me, personally, I think it's important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think that same-sex couples should be able to get married." This is great news. Marriage equality is indeed an issue for transgender Americans, as well, as evidenced by Littleton v. Prange, and recently by Nikki Araguz's case. But while I believe in and am a huge supporter of marriage equality, as a transgender woman of color, I recognize that there are arguably bigger issues for my trans brothers and sisters, issues like employment and health-care discrimination and violence against transgender people, particularly trans women of color.
This is why I went to Albany, N.Y. Tuesday for Equality and Justice Day. I wanted to lend my voice to the support of the passage of the Gender Expression Nondiscrimination Act (GENDA). Many transgender folks are fighting for our lives and basic civil rights all over this country, and to have those rights acknowledged by our legislature in the state of New York right now. For the fifth year in a row, the state assembly has passed GENDA, but the bill has yet to come to the floor for a vote in the Senate. This bill is about acknowledging that trans folks should have the same rights as everyone else. That's all. It's simple. This is America. Equal access and opportunity are what we're supposed to be about.

Laverne Cox Actress, producer and transgender advocate; co-creator and star, 'TRANSform Me' from the Huffington Post.