"Mom" Returns

Not my Mom, if she returned from the great beyond, it would be bigger news. This post is about meeting up with the woman who you might recall, harassed me a couple times about my hair. I made the comment at the time, she reminded me of how my Mom would have approached me.

Fortunately this time, I just had my trip to my hair dresser Friday, so visually I was ready for her.

When Liz and I arrived at the outside shelter house near a nearby lake, it didn't take her long to approach me. To her credit, she was very positive about my hair which indeed made me feel better about our relationship.

Then, she asked could she tell me something and I thought now what?  She paused and said how proud she was of me for living the life I wanted to. I was taken totally off guard. Finally I managed to blurt out the truth...I appreciated her acceptance but my choice didn't come out of bravery or anything like it. I literally didn't have the chance to be brave, it was either change my life or lose it.

A day later as I look back on her comment though, I feel now as if I finally found a sense of peace with my long deceased Mom. Whose approval is what I really wanted.

Thanks to my new Mom, Monika.

Jumping off the High Dive

Back in the day,

one summer my parents hooked my brother and I with a summer membership at a local municipal swim club.
All of that was well and good and the swim club provided swimming and diving classes. What wasn't so well and good were the times when our Mom decided to come to the classes.
She wanted to make sure her money was well spent and her sons were being taught how to not sink to the bottom of the pool when trying to swim. Again, being the mental giants we were-we learned how not to sink to the bottom. Good deal.
Then of course she decides if that was so successful, why not enroll us in diving classes? Really? It was not as if we were heading to the U.S. Olympic Diving Team any time soon. The biggest problem for me was though was jumping off the high diving board. I have never been fond of any height over approximately 10 ft. The 600 foot high board (seemed like it)  was intimidating to say the least.
My Mom was a proponent of "if it didn't kill you, it would just make you stronger" school of child raising- so guess who had his rear up on that board.  Looking back on the moment, I did learn one thing. From that diving board I could see half a continent away... The Rocky Mountains from Ohio.
You certainly are thinking by this time, what the hell is Cyrsti's point this time? (You are lucky you and I don't text!)
Here's the deal.
I have been on the high board quite a bit this year and just as scared as I was so long ago.
I have been fortunate enough to have four very close friends and family which have made it impossible for me to not jump off that board in a very positive way.
I tell quite a few folks I'm not totally sure of how I arrived here-but I sure do love it.
In reality though, I do have an idea how and those people had a hand in it.
I believe only one of the four reads the blog and that would be Liz. Another of course is my daughter.
This is my thanks for pushing me off that damn board!!!!!

I'm trying hard to put a couple pictures of my new hair cut today. I apologize for the overall quality and promise to pass along some better ones later!

What Kind of Daughter Did Your Mom Want?

 (I posted this question Oct. 7th, 2010 on Cyrsti's Condo.)
Yes girlfriends, I'm talking about us.
Some Mom's really wanted a daughter and dressed some of us as girls. Some Mom's may have found it interesting to relate to us on some level as a girl and let us in on a little makeup or clothes. Other Mom's may have shut us out all together.
All of the mother/son interaction intrigues me because of a couple of reasons.
The first would be the simple question of why me? Did my Mom set me up for all of this? (My brother believes she did).
The second would be is how much I look like her.
How many of you believe your Mom knowingly  or even unknowingly opened your door into a female world?
I remember vividly the way my Mom blotted her lipstick and made sure the rest of her outfit was together before she went out.  I would bet you my brother doesn't!
The age old question-environment or genetics? Was I predisposed to be trans? Most likely it's a question I will never know. (Update! Perhaps the DES drug my Mom very well could have taken during her pregnancy could been the answer.)
Maybe the whole "daughter" question explains my total lack of respect for women who do not take care of themselves. This girl was raised believing that appearance was part of the female gender.
My Mom passed away years ago and I believe in two sure facts.
She would like the fact I try to keep up a good appearance.
She would hate the fact I'm a lot like some of the girls I brought home she didn't like!!!!!!