It's an Art Form

Image from Hung Pham
on UnSplash

I don't think any transgender woman's path to her own womanhood should be taken lightly. 

We take many many years of experimentation before we reach a point where we can even venture out in the public's eye without the fear of being made fun of, or worse. The problem is even those born female don't have an easy path towards making it to woman hood. Another problem trans women have which extends far past what cis-women face is we don't have any real mentors to help us with basics such as makeup and wardrobe. In most cases, we have to sit back and let testosterone ravage our bodies with unwanted male changes. By the time we can start hormone replacement therapy later in life, it is too late. 

Also, as soon as we discover the art form of makeup and wardrobe, we also are faced with how to more completely present our new feminine selves to the world. I remember my very early days when I went to transvestite mixers up in Cleveland, Ohio as well as in nearby Columbus, Ohio. I found quite the layers of different people attending, all the way from those still dressed as their male self to those impossibly feminine women who I called the "A" Listers. Even though the "A's" had been able to conquer the appearance part of being feminine, on closer inspection, it seemed they had a long way to go to capture the art form of having any class at all. In fact, I nearly changed my terminology from "A" Listers to "Mean Girls." Maybe I was being too subjective myself because maybe they were just going through a phase in life of their own. 

You need to keep in mind too, how many cis (or genetic) females you know who never made it to the position of being true women. The same can be said for males who have never understood what it takes to be a real man. Or, to be able to put the toxic male ego aside and treat the world better. And, when you are obsessed with presenting as a woman, think of all those cis-women who struggle daily with it also.

No matter how you choose to look at it, following your new gender path is an art form. A woman often glides when she walks in that uniquely feminine way and putting your old male movements in motion is a challenge. Let's not forget too, the aspect of communication. There are certain smiles which women reserve for other women as well as a set of passive aggressive or non verbal communication. Consider how many times when you were cross dressing as a man and couldn't quite figure out what a woman was trying to tell you. It is just as bad until you learn the basics of communicating with another woman as your transgender self. If you think you have conquered the makeup and wardrobe artforms, just wait until you get to the level of communicating with the world. With women and men.

If you want a challenge like no other, try changing your gender. Discovering art form after art form makes the process exciting...at the least. 

Another Transgender Lesson Learned

Yesterday I wrote a post concerning my limited experiences when I transitioned to a novice transgender woman and tried to date a few men. The process was a failure and then I moved on to the warmer and more responsive experience of getting to know other women as I was completing that phase of my gender transition. With their help, I learned so much on how to survive in a new feminine world. It turns out Fellow Blogger "Paula" from Paula's Place encountered some of the same pressures when she came out of the gender closet:

"  There was a time when I tried dating a few men. It never quite worked out, mostly for the reasons you too found, they were either ashamed to be seen with me, or were not attracted to me a person, but as an object. Maybe that was part of my induction into the the female world, but in the end it was not for me.

Photo from the Jessie Hart
Collection

When meeting new people I'm never sure just how much of myself to reveal, I try not to out myself, but sometimes it's difficult not to, so much of my experience has been male ~ often in what at the the time were exclusively male environments. Women were excluded from some Brass Bands well into the 1980s, and for some it was still an issue into the current century! and as for sport! Do I just sit quietly in the corner, or admit to some knowledge and experience and so out myself?"

Thanks for the comment Paula. I too was afraid to reveal too much information about my previous life  when it came to men An example was when sports came up as a topic, my knowledge was at least equal to the man I was attempting to communicate with so I needed to "dumb it down" so I wouldn't scare him off.

Through it all, the point which was lost on me was all of what I was going through was in many ways the same things cis women go through on a daily basis. I read all the time of the problems women have finding a good or stable man. I used to subscribe to "Cosmopolitan Magazine" and usually their letters to the editors  had to do with how to find and hang onto a quality man. Competition it seemed was fierce as both binary genders struggled to understand each other. In fact I wrote a few blog posts years ago pointing out the virtues of dating a transgender woman. The biggest benefit to dating trans as my biased self noted was we understood both sides of the gender fence. Especially the male ego. Unfortunately dating trans never became a real thing and to this day we transgender women still remain little more than fetish objects to too many men. Not to mention the cis women who resent us entering "their" world for whatever reason.

The end result is we transgender women have to be more skillful in how we approach the world. Paula used sports as an example. Since both Paula and I played sports in our pasts and still show a passion for it, how far do we go before we out ourselves to strangers, Just another of the reasons there is always another transgender lesson to learn.