I signed up for a vanity sight and felt guilty about it.
Somehow it did not feel right but I wanted to see what others thought of my look...as a woman. There was no transgender tag attached to it at all.
I ever so slowly opened the email saying I received votes. I was very afraid of the results. Why?
I suppose the score validates me as a girl somehow? A rating attached to all the trial and error work over the years?
Then I thought, what the heck real women do it why shouldn't I? I'm sure it doesn't validate them as biological women but it does validate their looks. When a girl gets rated the magical "10", sure she feels good!
Well the site I went on was "Hot or Not". I've seen other trans girls explore it and I was certain I saw a couple on the site.
Well so far, my rating is an 8.5! Initially I was flattered and humored equally.
Now my reaction is "Wow"! How great is it to be rated close to the really beautiful girls on the site!
But you know, it's just a picture. The inner Cyrsti is flattered but it doesn't make her a better girl!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Damn, I'm Old!
As I was doing my usual "channel surf" a day or so before Thanksgiving, I saw one of my million channels was showing "Ally McBeal" reruns all Thanksgiving Day. If you have never seen the show, it centers around a yuppie law firm. A very quirky 90's show with Calista Flockhart as the star.
I remembered being excited when I saw the shows preview's originally. Finally a realistic portrayal of one of us! "Ally" was going to change the life of a "transvestite prostitute."
Of course I wondered exactly how long ago was it? 1997!
I also recalled that two things stood out in the show. The first was how Stephanie the "transvestite prostitute" looked. Very attractive with dynamite legs was how I remembered her.
I was not disappointed! I returned home from my family's Thanksgiving feast and turned on the DVD disk. the episode is called "Boy to the World" and it stars "Wilson Cruz" as Stephanie.
In those days, the "outfits of choice" in the law office were business suits with short skirts and Cruz more than held his own with the rest of the women. The best shot was when he was walking down a short flight of steps with "Jane Krakowski". The camera started at their high heels and followed them down the steps in their short skirts. The fact that Cruz had better legs was even more amazing because "Krakowski" was a dancer too.
Unfortunately, Cruz's looks are where the positives end.
The "transvestite prostitute" title didn't thrill me but again the show aired well over a decade ago. Ally and "Stephanie" (Cruz) did see a shrink who briefly mentioned gender dysphoria but that was it.
Stephanie was also treated badly by Krakowski's character in the show. I would have thought an upscale group of yups would have done better.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention "Dyan Cannon" in this show! She had the most amazing hair! The best part was she supposedly was way too old to have all that curly wonderful blond hair!
Awright girls, I'm not smart enough to tell you how to track this episode down. I saw it on the "Reelz" Network on my satellite feed. The rest is up to you!
I remembered being excited when I saw the shows preview's originally. Finally a realistic portrayal of one of us! "Ally" was going to change the life of a "transvestite prostitute."
Of course I wondered exactly how long ago was it? 1997!
I also recalled that two things stood out in the show. The first was how Stephanie the "transvestite prostitute" looked. Very attractive with dynamite legs was how I remembered her.
I was not disappointed! I returned home from my family's Thanksgiving feast and turned on the DVD disk. the episode is called "Boy to the World" and it stars "Wilson Cruz" as Stephanie.
In those days, the "outfits of choice" in the law office were business suits with short skirts and Cruz more than held his own with the rest of the women. The best shot was when he was walking down a short flight of steps with "Jane Krakowski". The camera started at their high heels and followed them down the steps in their short skirts. The fact that Cruz had better legs was even more amazing because "Krakowski" was a dancer too.
Unfortunately, Cruz's looks are where the positives end.
The "transvestite prostitute" title didn't thrill me but again the show aired well over a decade ago. Ally and "Stephanie" (Cruz) did see a shrink who briefly mentioned gender dysphoria but that was it.
Stephanie was also treated badly by Krakowski's character in the show. I would have thought an upscale group of yups would have done better.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention "Dyan Cannon" in this show! She had the most amazing hair! The best part was she supposedly was way too old to have all that curly wonderful blond hair!
Awright girls, I'm not smart enough to tell you how to track this episode down. I saw it on the "Reelz" Network on my satellite feed. The rest is up to you!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Take It Like A Man
I finished a very interesting and complex conversation with my BFF genetic girlfriend tonight. She wanted to think more like a man! An interesting subject since I'm trying so hard to think like a woman.
She had just finished a very frustrating week with a guy friend of hers. She felt the only success she was ever able to have with men was starting to think like one.
So here I was, listening as a woman to my genetic friend wanting to be more like a man?
Be patient with me as I try to explain!
A guy she has known for an long time really drained her emotionally last week. She felt she needed the male "quick fix" to move on. Get out and go!
Guys are good with the quick fix. Simplify a complex problem "Git r Done" and move on. By her own definition she had to be more like a guy in this instance. I used to have this mindset of course.I knew exactly where she was coming from. Fortunately, my inner girl kept pushing me to hear her out. Do not toss a quick fix at her!
The second major issue she mentioned was the most common. Men don't listen, especially the needy ones. (Her description of the guy last week) We all know this is true. I don't even have to relate some of the stories I have when I was delegated to a second class citizen. She went on to say "If I force the issue, I go from being a nag to a bitch." So true again!
So what's a girl to do? Probably what women have since the days in a cave. Work the man from different angles or kick him to the curb. Is that thinking like a man? If so my friend was there!
I listened intently. My female side was being patient and hearing her out. What was she really telling me and where did she want to go with it. My male side was screaming "The guy's an idiot and a loser!" Dump him!
We talked for nearly an hour with no real resolution, again to the chagrin of my male side. My female self on the other hand was happy with the fact that my friend seemed to feel better. At that moment, it was all that mattered.
If I had to guess, my girlfriend won't be too successful at thinking like a guy. She already knows how the male mind works and really only needs the right guy to come along.
At least I hope not. I really don't want my best girlfriend to start thinking like a guy. Been there...done that!
She had just finished a very frustrating week with a guy friend of hers. She felt the only success she was ever able to have with men was starting to think like one.
So here I was, listening as a woman to my genetic friend wanting to be more like a man?
Be patient with me as I try to explain!
A guy she has known for an long time really drained her emotionally last week. She felt she needed the male "quick fix" to move on. Get out and go!
Guys are good with the quick fix. Simplify a complex problem "Git r Done" and move on. By her own definition she had to be more like a guy in this instance. I used to have this mindset of course.I knew exactly where she was coming from. Fortunately, my inner girl kept pushing me to hear her out. Do not toss a quick fix at her!
The second major issue she mentioned was the most common. Men don't listen, especially the needy ones. (Her description of the guy last week) We all know this is true. I don't even have to relate some of the stories I have when I was delegated to a second class citizen. She went on to say "If I force the issue, I go from being a nag to a bitch." So true again!
So what's a girl to do? Probably what women have since the days in a cave. Work the man from different angles or kick him to the curb. Is that thinking like a man? If so my friend was there!
I listened intently. My female side was being patient and hearing her out. What was she really telling me and where did she want to go with it. My male side was screaming "The guy's an idiot and a loser!" Dump him!
We talked for nearly an hour with no real resolution, again to the chagrin of my male side. My female self on the other hand was happy with the fact that my friend seemed to feel better. At that moment, it was all that mattered.
If I had to guess, my girlfriend won't be too successful at thinking like a guy. She already knows how the male mind works and really only needs the right guy to come along.
At least I hope not. I really don't want my best girlfriend to start thinking like a guy. Been there...done that!
Dark and Sexy!
In the winter part of the world, darker hair just seems to fit the seasonal mood.
Your look can begin with those new black boots you just had to have. Tuck those skinny jeans into the boots and slide into that "oh so" soft black sweater that falls over your hips.
Pull that black leather jacket out of the closet and you are sexy and set. right?
Not so fast girl, lets check in with another opinion from Deborah Dunham on "the Frisky".
Oh, by the way girl, good luck with your Christmas shopping in those new boots!
Your look can begin with those new black boots you just had to have. Tuck those skinny jeans into the boots and slide into that "oh so" soft black sweater that falls over your hips.
Pull that black leather jacket out of the closet and you are sexy and set. right?
Not so fast girl, lets check in with another opinion from Deborah Dunham on "the Frisky".
Oh, by the way girl, good luck with your Christmas shopping in those new boots!
Giving Thanks!
Once again it is time to take time out of our busy lives to give thanks for what we DO have!
If you are fortunate enough to have your health...that is number one!
Number two if you have loved or are loved...that is number two.
All the rest of life's problems are minor and can change on a dime! (If you have one!)
This time of year brings out the best or worst in our lives. Between now and Christmas, we have a chance to experience our families in the most positive of situations-or the worst.
Hopefully, this post finds you in the positive category. I do know though that many of the best of families don't accept their transgendered relations. So sad!
Finally, giving thanks includes a hope that all of you have a new family or friends to share just a touch of the season with.
Cyrsti
If you are fortunate enough to have your health...that is number one!
Number two if you have loved or are loved...that is number two.
All the rest of life's problems are minor and can change on a dime! (If you have one!)
This time of year brings out the best or worst in our lives. Between now and Christmas, we have a chance to experience our families in the most positive of situations-or the worst.
Hopefully, this post finds you in the positive category. I do know though that many of the best of families don't accept their transgendered relations. So sad!
Finally, giving thanks includes a hope that all of you have a new family or friends to share just a touch of the season with.
Cyrsti
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Can We Talk?
Some transgender women strike an unrealistically feminine tone. “Some people who come in are in their 50's and 60's, and they want to sound like a 20-year-old girl," Hancock says. "They have that feminine ideal of Marilyn Monroe, but that sound is so much younger than they are. Part of the initial program is about setting appropriate goals for their voices."
Others find that a feminine affect disadvantages them in the business world. “A lot of our clients have said that it’s really difficult for them to be in business meetings because they don’t get the same attention or respect with a feminine intonation," Hancock says. "They find themselves going into their lower voice to gain authority in their speech."
I doubt seriously if I will see a course such as this being offered at our community college. I have heard however that speech professors are doing some moonlighting in this area!
The whole idea excites and scares me at the same time! How much fun would it be to totally throw a person into turmoil that believes he or she has read you? A voice to go with the vision would be unbelievable. No more quick glances when I open my mouth! (Except when I say something stupid)
On the other hand, I don't know if I have the confidence to do the voice training right. What if I fail?
Even if I did fail, what's the bottom line?
As my friends say, there are many women who sound like men. The problem is I don't want to be one!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I've Always Wondered
How do you decide when to shake hands with a guy?
I've always considered it the man's prerogative to offer his hand.That is until I read this short excerpt from "The Frisky". Ironically, I had the opportunity to shake a man's hand tonight before I came home and read the article.
The entire piece centered on flirting with a guy but in particular I felt this excerpt provided the best information.
"Introduce yourself and offer him your hand to shake. When he shakes your hand, hold his gaze and smile. You should disengage from the handshake first so you don’t come on too strong (a girl who won’t let go is creepy). Glance down as you take your seat, then back up again at him with a slight smile on your lips and in your eyes."
In the past, when I have shaken a man's hand, I obviously don't squeeze tight and try to slide my hand gently from his grasp. Judging from this bit of information, I can be a little more aggressive when I'm introduced to a man.
I've always considered it the man's prerogative to offer his hand.That is until I read this short excerpt from "The Frisky". Ironically, I had the opportunity to shake a man's hand tonight before I came home and read the article.
The entire piece centered on flirting with a guy but in particular I felt this excerpt provided the best information.
"Introduce yourself and offer him your hand to shake. When he shakes your hand, hold his gaze and smile. You should disengage from the handshake first so you don’t come on too strong (a girl who won’t let go is creepy). Glance down as you take your seat, then back up again at him with a slight smile on your lips and in your eyes."
In the past, when I have shaken a man's hand, I obviously don't squeeze tight and try to slide my hand gently from his grasp. Judging from this bit of information, I can be a little more aggressive when I'm introduced to a man.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Get Frisky!
On my trips around the web, I sometimes find sites so uniquely feminine I just have to pass them along. I used to be very envious of women and their world on these sites. Now I find them great fun and a great learning tool. Makeup and fashion tips are just the beginning at "The Frisky". The site just drips estrogen!
Girl stuff such as celebrity gossip and lifestyle issues make the whole site similar to a much tamer "Cosmo" magazine. Check it out.
Speaking of "girl stuff" and estrogen, I'm adding this Trans Girl to my "Red Head Hall of Fame".
She is "Jamie Clayton" who moved to New York City from San Diego and became a renown makeup artist.
In 2008, Jamie decide to step out of "stealth" mode and agreed to an article about her transgendered life.
Just click on the link above to read more about her!
Of course, I couldn't resist one more picture!
Girl stuff such as celebrity gossip and lifestyle issues make the whole site similar to a much tamer "Cosmo" magazine. Check it out.
Speaking of "girl stuff" and estrogen, I'm adding this Trans Girl to my "Red Head Hall of Fame".
In 2008, Jamie decide to step out of "stealth" mode and agreed to an article about her transgendered life.
Just click on the link above to read more about her!
Of course, I couldn't resist one more picture!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Follow Up!
Time goes by so quickly. It does not seem possible the big Monday Night Football trip is now 3 weeks old.
Some have asked for more info about the evening! and what I would do different.
I already discussed the biggest factor...me! I had a real hard time relaxing that evening and letting the night play out. I didn't wear my team jersey which I do wear to sports bars when I watch them on TV. Why? I was searching for the best possible outfit. I needed to stay warm and look the best I could. The night turned out to be so mild that a long sleeved shirt under my jersey would have been fine. Ironically, the jersey is long enough that it gives me a good body shape when I wear it with my favorite old hippie bell bottoms.
OK, enough is enough about fashion. I didn't practice what I preach. "Attitude" is a huge part of presenting female. Did OK but could have done MUCH better.
I've been through this I know but I thought up some other ideas to pass along. I thought of what the genders do differently at a sports game. Being a passionate fan is not restricted to one gender anymore. The women around us were whooping it up equally with the guys. The difference is how they do it. Think about the simple act of clapping as a girl. The biggest difference is clapping with breasts. You naturally have to do it different The "girls" can get in the way! But that's not all. Many women clap with their palms almost touching and their hands facing each other. Not crossed palm like guys when they clap.
Finally, you can't let out this deep roar when your team scores. Unless you are real good with your voice, you can go my route and be enthusiastic with a "Yay"! I always thought all of this would be a detriment when I watched the game as a girl. It really isn't and sometimes you will catch the eye of a guy who appreciates a knowledgeable female fan. I'm just careful not to know too much!
Another one of the simple guy things at a game is buying a beer. Not as simple when that male face is on the ID you are showing to the beer vendor! I was happy the guy I bought off of carded everyone one but me He barely looked up at a old broad and sold me a beer. lol. I was unhappy when I found NFL rules forbid the sale of more than one beer per person. I was trying to buy two which meant I had to go and come back for another for my friend.
Actually there are two simple solutions to the beer problem. Buy the beer in the stands where the vendors normally don't check ID's. It's still the same cheap beer for the same ridiculous price.
Finally, the thought that weighed on my mind the most was the group could have stopped anywhere for food before the game. The good point to this is-all three others in the group accept me totally as a girl. The bad thing is-100% of the public doesn't. In the worst way I didn't want to cause any problems for my friends!
While it's true I'm well on the way to feeling really natural in the female world, it is always so easy to fall back and do something which screams GUY!
That too was one of my Monday night worries.
Is that enough paranoia for you? It is for me!
On the bright side, the group is already planning another game for all of us. Something went right!
The evening was actually my second trip to an event. Went to a "Joe Cocker" outdoor concert two summers ago. He was terrible but the night was fun and the only attention I received was from a couple down the row.
I believe that was the evening I learned to applaud different!
I hope I answered a few more questions and didn't bore you girls too much!
If you are into sports I am a Bengals fan and you can feel sorry for me now or call me stupid! If you are not, the Bengals have been one of the worst NFL teams for decades!
I have learned the internet is really world wide! Can't get anything past me!
Actually Australia and Brazil are in my top 5 list and I thank all of you! I'm sure your Aussie football Or "footy" is every bit as tough as the NFL! But I never said that!
Some have asked for more info about the evening! and what I would do different.
I already discussed the biggest factor...me! I had a real hard time relaxing that evening and letting the night play out. I didn't wear my team jersey which I do wear to sports bars when I watch them on TV. Why? I was searching for the best possible outfit. I needed to stay warm and look the best I could. The night turned out to be so mild that a long sleeved shirt under my jersey would have been fine. Ironically, the jersey is long enough that it gives me a good body shape when I wear it with my favorite old hippie bell bottoms.
OK, enough is enough about fashion. I didn't practice what I preach. "Attitude" is a huge part of presenting female. Did OK but could have done MUCH better.
I've been through this I know but I thought up some other ideas to pass along. I thought of what the genders do differently at a sports game. Being a passionate fan is not restricted to one gender anymore. The women around us were whooping it up equally with the guys. The difference is how they do it. Think about the simple act of clapping as a girl. The biggest difference is clapping with breasts. You naturally have to do it different The "girls" can get in the way! But that's not all. Many women clap with their palms almost touching and their hands facing each other. Not crossed palm like guys when they clap.
Finally, you can't let out this deep roar when your team scores. Unless you are real good with your voice, you can go my route and be enthusiastic with a "Yay"! I always thought all of this would be a detriment when I watched the game as a girl. It really isn't and sometimes you will catch the eye of a guy who appreciates a knowledgeable female fan. I'm just careful not to know too much!
Another one of the simple guy things at a game is buying a beer. Not as simple when that male face is on the ID you are showing to the beer vendor! I was happy the guy I bought off of carded everyone one but me He barely looked up at a old broad and sold me a beer. lol. I was unhappy when I found NFL rules forbid the sale of more than one beer per person. I was trying to buy two which meant I had to go and come back for another for my friend.
Actually there are two simple solutions to the beer problem. Buy the beer in the stands where the vendors normally don't check ID's. It's still the same cheap beer for the same ridiculous price.
Finally, the thought that weighed on my mind the most was the group could have stopped anywhere for food before the game. The good point to this is-all three others in the group accept me totally as a girl. The bad thing is-100% of the public doesn't. In the worst way I didn't want to cause any problems for my friends!
While it's true I'm well on the way to feeling really natural in the female world, it is always so easy to fall back and do something which screams GUY!
That too was one of my Monday night worries.
Is that enough paranoia for you? It is for me!
On the bright side, the group is already planning another game for all of us. Something went right!
The evening was actually my second trip to an event. Went to a "Joe Cocker" outdoor concert two summers ago. He was terrible but the night was fun and the only attention I received was from a couple down the row.
I believe that was the evening I learned to applaud different!
I hope I answered a few more questions and didn't bore you girls too much!
If you are into sports I am a Bengals fan and you can feel sorry for me now or call me stupid! If you are not, the Bengals have been one of the worst NFL teams for decades!
I have learned the internet is really world wide! Can't get anything past me!
Actually Australia and Brazil are in my top 5 list and I thank all of you! I'm sure your Aussie football Or "footy" is every bit as tough as the NFL! But I never said that!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
IS It Just Me?
For some reason I just hate being called a "gurl" or "gurrl".
For starters the names are "grinder words" like Scranton or Yonkers. (no offense to either of these places!)
The words just aren't pretty. They provide a mental picture of a guy in hose and heels smoking a big cigar.
Yes they do reference the fact the person you are seeing isn't a 100% genetic female BUT I for one feel 100% real girl when I am one. I want my inner girl to shine through!
It is very difficult to come up with a term to use with us because we are so varied. I've seen the word "tranny" called a gender slur like "f__"
In addition some trans girls are so beautiful, you have to have a word to tell you they are trans if they are not in "stealth" mode. Stealth means they are living totally as a woman with no reference whatsoever to their previous life or gender.
I don't have the magic word to replace the "g" words above except "she" of course. I also don't have the answer to those of you who are admirers. Again maybe you are not involved as deeply in the transgendered culture and that's fine.
Please don't call me "gurl" and I'll love you! (For at least a couple seconds!)
For starters the names are "grinder words" like Scranton or Yonkers. (no offense to either of these places!)
The words just aren't pretty. They provide a mental picture of a guy in hose and heels smoking a big cigar.
Yes they do reference the fact the person you are seeing isn't a 100% genetic female BUT I for one feel 100% real girl when I am one. I want my inner girl to shine through!
It is very difficult to come up with a term to use with us because we are so varied. I've seen the word "tranny" called a gender slur like "f__"
In addition some trans girls are so beautiful, you have to have a word to tell you they are trans if they are not in "stealth" mode. Stealth means they are living totally as a woman with no reference whatsoever to their previous life or gender.
I don't have the magic word to replace the "g" words above except "she" of course. I also don't have the answer to those of you who are admirers. Again maybe you are not involved as deeply in the transgendered culture and that's fine.
Please don't call me "gurl" and I'll love you! (For at least a couple seconds!)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Love Conquers Gender?
"Back in the day" I knew a gorgeous Trans Girl. Can't say I really knew her well enough to slap a label on her.I didn't know if she was a really accomplished CD or more. She could really handle herself well as a "she" is all I really knew.
I knew her from a monthly get together and one month I asked where is Renee? I was told she had met a woman, got engaged and was no longer dressing as a girl.
Being the cynic that I am, I always wondered how long that would last? Most all of us have been through the dark times of "purges" and the like. I never found out about "Renee" unless she happens to read this.
I never have changed my belief that you can't just walk away from this life but maybe you've seen this story about a person who did.
From the DailyMail:
I knew her from a monthly get together and one month I asked where is Renee? I was told she had met a woman, got engaged and was no longer dressing as a girl.
Being the cynic that I am, I always wondered how long that would last? Most all of us have been through the dark times of "purges" and the like. I never found out about "Renee" unless she happens to read this.
I never have changed my belief that you can't just walk away from this life but maybe you've seen this story about a person who did.From the DailyMail:
He spent £100,000 on cosmetic operations and tooth veneers to create the ‘ultimate male fantasy’ and was so convincing as a woman he had no trouble attracting men, and was briefly engaged to a wealthy landowner.If you would care to follow his story further, there are after photos too. He should have stayed female! The irony is that he has the money to do it.
Initially thrilled by his transformation, life as a woman quickly paled despite a jetset lifestyle in Monaco.
He hated the way female hormones made him moody and emotional. Shopping bored him and sex was a disappointment.
No matter how feminine he looked, he felt he was merely playing a role.
So, five years ago, Charles spent a further £25,000 on three operations at the gender clinic at London’s Charing Cross Hospital to turn him back into a male.
Catching up!
Sometimes I think I'm in this giant rut!
Last night I went to my sports pub on a very busy night and watched the beginning of the real college hoops season without so much as a comment or look from anyone. Saturday was the same way. My outfit was a football jersey and jeans Saturday.
I wonder if this is what it would be like full time? Just being out as me...a girl and why now?
I suspect there are a couple factors. Number one is hair style and color. Here on the blog, I have some other pictures of me in other hair. Well, I've decided on the red. My friends like it as do I. If I believe I can wear it with confidence all the time-that is half the battle.
I hate to admit to the other. Makeup! All of the sudden (after years) I subtly changed the way I'm applying it.
I changed my approach to my eye make up for the better. For years I was told my eyes were the most dramatic part of my look so I emphasized them. Too much so on occasion. Recently I've tried to make the eyes dramatic but with less. Emphasizing the line of the eye with out doing much with the lids themselves. This allows me to bring out my eyebrows. My brows are very thin to start with and I'm able to color them to match the hair and bring them out. At least for now all of this seems to be working. My acceptance level is at an all time high. BUT you are thinking what the heck is her problem???
It's complex, but I'll give this a shot. I follow two people closely and a couple of their ideas enter into this.
"Stana" at Femulate and I are somewhat on the same path of public presentation. She has mentioned she is to the point that it is getting to be all so natural (I paraphrase). Stana is a "hose and heels" girl! I respect her sense of style and fashion but my world is quite different. That is the fun part!
Fun, brings me to the other influence I have and she is "Janie" who I've mentioned here a number of times. Janie once had a post basically asking is it more fun to present female or to spice your outfit up and be a great looking guy in a dress? (paraphrasing again)
I have succeeded temporarily in the first part. That's the rut I'm in. Where's the fun?. Even at the NFL game I walked, looked and talked like a girl and was accepted. I dress in nice fashionable clothes but nothing with heels, jeans and sweaters. I get some looks but the same as any middle aged female would get...from middle aged guys.
Yes I could ramp it up again! I have the boots, leggings and clothes to do it. Doing that risks the gains I've made as a person, so it is not as easy as it seems.
So I guess if you see someone peeking at you over a hill, it's just me in my rut. It's all good. Sigh!
Last night I went to my sports pub on a very busy night and watched the beginning of the real college hoops season without so much as a comment or look from anyone. Saturday was the same way. My outfit was a football jersey and jeans Saturday.
I wonder if this is what it would be like full time? Just being out as me...a girl and why now?
I suspect there are a couple factors. Number one is hair style and color. Here on the blog, I have some other pictures of me in other hair. Well, I've decided on the red. My friends like it as do I. If I believe I can wear it with confidence all the time-that is half the battle.
I hate to admit to the other. Makeup! All of the sudden (after years) I subtly changed the way I'm applying it.
I changed my approach to my eye make up for the better. For years I was told my eyes were the most dramatic part of my look so I emphasized them. Too much so on occasion. Recently I've tried to make the eyes dramatic but with less. Emphasizing the line of the eye with out doing much with the lids themselves. This allows me to bring out my eyebrows. My brows are very thin to start with and I'm able to color them to match the hair and bring them out. At least for now all of this seems to be working. My acceptance level is at an all time high. BUT you are thinking what the heck is her problem???
It's complex, but I'll give this a shot. I follow two people closely and a couple of their ideas enter into this.
"Stana" at Femulate and I are somewhat on the same path of public presentation. She has mentioned she is to the point that it is getting to be all so natural (I paraphrase). Stana is a "hose and heels" girl! I respect her sense of style and fashion but my world is quite different. That is the fun part!
Fun, brings me to the other influence I have and she is "Janie" who I've mentioned here a number of times. Janie once had a post basically asking is it more fun to present female or to spice your outfit up and be a great looking guy in a dress? (paraphrasing again)
I have succeeded temporarily in the first part. That's the rut I'm in. Where's the fun?. Even at the NFL game I walked, looked and talked like a girl and was accepted. I dress in nice fashionable clothes but nothing with heels, jeans and sweaters. I get some looks but the same as any middle aged female would get...from middle aged guys.
Yes I could ramp it up again! I have the boots, leggings and clothes to do it. Doing that risks the gains I've made as a person, so it is not as easy as it seems.
So I guess if you see someone peeking at you over a hill, it's just me in my rut. It's all good. Sigh!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Better Sex Through Chemistry.
Better sex through chemistry? Absolutely girls! But not the way you think.
Several posts ago, I touched on a few of the basic hormonal theories about testosterone.
As it turns out some in our community have taken these theories even farther. All the way to sexual attraction.
At some point in our lives, most of us been strongly attracted to someone, Not love-attraction. It happened to me a couple weeks ago as I was in my male mode. I work with the public and this women and I were positively in dream mode. I could see it in her eyes and I'm sure see could see it in mine.
Some feel the attraction is a basic chemical one. If you think of the human as an animal, all of this isn't so far fetched. Men are very visual sexually. The sheer numbers of sperm produced causes them to be less selective.
Women of course are basically the opposite. Fewer eggs to fertilize causes them to be more selective.
Into the middle of all of this throw in pheromones and better yet the trans girl!
This has more possibilities than a politician on the take.
If the trans girl has a spouse and begins female hormone therapy, does she smell different to the spouse? Yes, according to one Hub Page post I read. In fact the spouse said smell was the first change she noticed. Does the trans girl care? Probably not. If she is in the market for a man, the breast development, softer skin and less body hair would most likely give her more satisfaction with guys. If she is the market for women, I have a different theory.
Let's assume the trans girl is NOT on hormones. If she presents well enough she could still attract guys...but how about women? I don't know, but on very rare occasions I've encountered women who were positively entranced with me. Not attracted-entranced. A whole different meaning. They were not so much into how I looked. They were into what I was.
Could have this been chemical? Did my intact male hormones react to the female attention and could that have been part of the potent attraction?
How does all of this theory affect a post op TS? In theory, she wouldn't have much of a sex drive because of low testosterone. If she was into men, could she smell them and react as a genetic woman? If a man walked by would she react on a subconscious level sexually?
I find all of this fascinating and a great discussion that could go on forever. The fact of the matter is, chemicals inside you could be controlling more than you think. As a man or a woman, or somewhere in between.
Several posts ago, I touched on a few of the basic hormonal theories about testosterone.
As it turns out some in our community have taken these theories even farther. All the way to sexual attraction.
At some point in our lives, most of us been strongly attracted to someone, Not love-attraction. It happened to me a couple weeks ago as I was in my male mode. I work with the public and this women and I were positively in dream mode. I could see it in her eyes and I'm sure see could see it in mine.
Some feel the attraction is a basic chemical one. If you think of the human as an animal, all of this isn't so far fetched. Men are very visual sexually. The sheer numbers of sperm produced causes them to be less selective.
Women of course are basically the opposite. Fewer eggs to fertilize causes them to be more selective.
Into the middle of all of this throw in pheromones and better yet the trans girl!
This has more possibilities than a politician on the take.
If the trans girl has a spouse and begins female hormone therapy, does she smell different to the spouse? Yes, according to one Hub Page post I read. In fact the spouse said smell was the first change she noticed. Does the trans girl care? Probably not. If she is in the market for a man, the breast development, softer skin and less body hair would most likely give her more satisfaction with guys. If she is the market for women, I have a different theory.
Let's assume the trans girl is NOT on hormones. If she presents well enough she could still attract guys...but how about women? I don't know, but on very rare occasions I've encountered women who were positively entranced with me. Not attracted-entranced. A whole different meaning. They were not so much into how I looked. They were into what I was.
Could have this been chemical? Did my intact male hormones react to the female attention and could that have been part of the potent attraction?
How does all of this theory affect a post op TS? In theory, she wouldn't have much of a sex drive because of low testosterone. If she was into men, could she smell them and react as a genetic woman? If a man walked by would she react on a subconscious level sexually?
I find all of this fascinating and a great discussion that could go on forever. The fact of the matter is, chemicals inside you could be controlling more than you think. As a man or a woman, or somewhere in between.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Quick Quote!
Just another quote from an old source! This again comes from a yahoo group I'm still allowed in!
The quote comes from Sue Johanson who was a sex therapist on the radio for many years before the currant crop said "crossdressing is an affection a man has and his wife suffers from." She said the crossdresser is fine, he will find his way but it's the wife who needs treatment".
I'm not so sure this was a real positive quote among TG spouses but regardless, Sue wasn't flashy and could say a lot in a few words! She also sounded like your granny telling you about sex. One of the reasons she didn't make it past Ophra and Jerry?
The quote comes from Sue Johanson who was a sex therapist on the radio for many years before the currant crop said "crossdressing is an affection a man has and his wife suffers from." She said the crossdresser is fine, he will find his way but it's the wife who needs treatment".
I'm not so sure this was a real positive quote among TG spouses but regardless, Sue wasn't flashy and could say a lot in a few words! She also sounded like your granny telling you about sex. One of the reasons she didn't make it past Ophra and Jerry?
Saturday, November 13, 2010
What IF?
Working on very little sleep this morning, I made a quick deduction I had no food in the house.
Since I'm off today, I figured I would make the quick trip down the street to a convenience store that sells those breakfast biscuits. Not healthy but a quick hunger fix.
As always, I looked around to notice the other females in the store No surprises as they were all dressed in jeans and sweat shirts. The only makeup on anyone was probably the trace of left over mascara on my eyes.
I started to think...if I was genetic female how would I be dressed?
Would I have taken the time to put on a little mascara and lip gloss? Would my jeans fit a little better? How about my hair? If I didn't take the time to brush it out, would I have least pulled it back or hidden it under a hat? Was I a hypocrite? My guy clothes were a little on the shabby side and I was unshaven. The rough, casual male look! lol!
I would like to think I would do all the girl work above.
How much time would that have taken? I can go from guy to girl in about a half hour. Certainly I could go from girl to presentable girl in five minutes. Would have growing up as a girl erased my passion for looking the best I can? I hope not!
Years ago my very attractive sister in law would always take the time to so some eye work before ever leaving the house. She would say "I never know whom I going to meet and what is HE going to think of me."
She had a lot going for her to start with and she always tried to make herself better. You see that with a lot of attractive women.
Or do you? What came first, good looks or good makeup? Looks for sure but attractive women just seem to care more. That makes them attractive! There are many women do a wonderful job of looking nice but just as many around here who haven't seen a make up isle since Clinton was in office.
Life goes on. I grabbed my taste treats and headed home to the delight of two begging dogs.As I returned , I was safe in my belief I would put effort into being a presentable woman. Even if I was genetic. All was right in my little transgender world.
After all, it was time to turn my thoughts to what football jersey, boots and jeans I will be wearing this afternoon. It's game day and I'm watching college football with a girlfriend. It's a challenge to look girly in a football jersey but I've watched many women look really feminine doing it. I plan on giving it my best shot!
Most of the time a little effort produces great results!
Since I'm off today, I figured I would make the quick trip down the street to a convenience store that sells those breakfast biscuits. Not healthy but a quick hunger fix.
As always, I looked around to notice the other females in the store No surprises as they were all dressed in jeans and sweat shirts. The only makeup on anyone was probably the trace of left over mascara on my eyes.
I started to think...if I was genetic female how would I be dressed?
Would I have taken the time to put on a little mascara and lip gloss? Would my jeans fit a little better? How about my hair? If I didn't take the time to brush it out, would I have least pulled it back or hidden it under a hat? Was I a hypocrite? My guy clothes were a little on the shabby side and I was unshaven. The rough, casual male look! lol!
I would like to think I would do all the girl work above.
How much time would that have taken? I can go from guy to girl in about a half hour. Certainly I could go from girl to presentable girl in five minutes. Would have growing up as a girl erased my passion for looking the best I can? I hope not!
Years ago my very attractive sister in law would always take the time to so some eye work before ever leaving the house. She would say "I never know whom I going to meet and what is HE going to think of me."
She had a lot going for her to start with and she always tried to make herself better. You see that with a lot of attractive women.
Or do you? What came first, good looks or good makeup? Looks for sure but attractive women just seem to care more. That makes them attractive! There are many women do a wonderful job of looking nice but just as many around here who haven't seen a make up isle since Clinton was in office.
Life goes on. I grabbed my taste treats and headed home to the delight of two begging dogs.As I returned , I was safe in my belief I would put effort into being a presentable woman. Even if I was genetic. All was right in my little transgender world.
After all, it was time to turn my thoughts to what football jersey, boots and jeans I will be wearing this afternoon. It's game day and I'm watching college football with a girlfriend. It's a challenge to look girly in a football jersey but I've watched many women look really feminine doing it. I plan on giving it my best shot!
Most of the time a little effort produces great results!
"Viewing" A good Idea?
During a mindless bout of channel surfing I ended up on "The View". For those of you lucky enough to know nothing about it, "The View" features four or five women such as Whoopi Goldberg and Barbra Walters. The girls discuss current topics and even manage to get in trouble on occasion. Not my cup of tea, even if it is served properly by Martha Stewart. I would rather watch the trashy Kardashians and wonder how Kim does her eye makeup. Am I the only one to think Bruce Jenner is the biggest girl on that show?
At any rate, as soon as I flipped on the girls, they started talking about that poor kid who got so much publicity for wanting to go out on Halloween as a female Scooby Doo character. Their point was if the boy did it...Dad should have done it too.
Not a bad idea! Why should the ordeal have fallen directly on Mom's shoulders?
If my feeble mind serves me correct, wasn't there an old "Life according to Jim" TV show episode with a similar topic? The son wanted to be a female character on Halloween and after some protest Jim put on a dress and went with him.
The cynical side of me thinks that Mom wanted all this publicity? Boys being girls on Halloween has obviously been going on forever. In my youth, the kid down the street who was transformed into a very pretty girl never made the press. Most kids like that probably never dressed up like a girl again. Totally unlike the kid who went as a football player and now spends most of his time as a girl. (Guess who?)
So as always, "The View" missed the true point. In typical fashion, one of them made some off the wall comment about a man walking around in their underwear. The conclusion? It was OK if it wasn't their man!
My expectations were low and they were met. Now what channel are the Kardashians on?
At any rate, as soon as I flipped on the girls, they started talking about that poor kid who got so much publicity for wanting to go out on Halloween as a female Scooby Doo character. Their point was if the boy did it...Dad should have done it too.
Not a bad idea! Why should the ordeal have fallen directly on Mom's shoulders?
If my feeble mind serves me correct, wasn't there an old "Life according to Jim" TV show episode with a similar topic? The son wanted to be a female character on Halloween and after some protest Jim put on a dress and went with him.
The cynical side of me thinks that Mom wanted all this publicity? Boys being girls on Halloween has obviously been going on forever. In my youth, the kid down the street who was transformed into a very pretty girl never made the press. Most kids like that probably never dressed up like a girl again. Totally unlike the kid who went as a football player and now spends most of his time as a girl. (Guess who?)
So as always, "The View" missed the true point. In typical fashion, one of them made some off the wall comment about a man walking around in their underwear. The conclusion? It was OK if it wasn't their man!
My expectations were low and they were met. Now what channel are the Kardashians on?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Indian Summer In Ohio
Days like yesterday we pay for later around here!Veteran's Day (A big thanks to all of you) Sunshine and high's near 70?
To top it all off...a day off. I ran some mundane errands during the morning and then got ready to go about 4 ish.
Plenty of time to roam the one mall I go to and take advantage of a free appetizer coupon at a restaurant.
I was forced to stop for gas at the last station in town. Car just doesn't run without it! As I pulled in, I did notice the television news van parked at one of the pumps.
I started to pump my gas and here he comes. Mr. young reporter enthusiastically asking me questions about a story that happened yesterday. What was I doing, what did I think? I answered and then he said would I like to come over to the van and talk to them?
I quickly said "No, I have to be at work." He insisted and I said no I REALLY have to be at work and jumped in my car.
That would have been a real hoot. A TV on TV! I can hear it now. Hey, there was a person who looked a lot like you on the 6 o clock news. Do you have a twin sister?
First the NFL this week and now this!
Well it didn't happen and the remainder of the day was pure heaven. I was able to be the real me with no negative public reaction. So much fun mixed in with relaxation is difficult to find!
I'm sure soon the warmer weather will be difficult to find to! I'm prepared though! Fuzzy warm sweater and fur lined boots are standing by to battle the elements!
To top it all off...a day off. I ran some mundane errands during the morning and then got ready to go about 4 ish.
Plenty of time to roam the one mall I go to and take advantage of a free appetizer coupon at a restaurant.
I was forced to stop for gas at the last station in town. Car just doesn't run without it! As I pulled in, I did notice the television news van parked at one of the pumps.
I started to pump my gas and here he comes. Mr. young reporter enthusiastically asking me questions about a story that happened yesterday. What was I doing, what did I think? I answered and then he said would I like to come over to the van and talk to them?
I quickly said "No, I have to be at work." He insisted and I said no I REALLY have to be at work and jumped in my car.
That would have been a real hoot. A TV on TV! I can hear it now. Hey, there was a person who looked a lot like you on the 6 o clock news. Do you have a twin sister?
First the NFL this week and now this!
Well it didn't happen and the remainder of the day was pure heaven. I was able to be the real me with no negative public reaction. So much fun mixed in with relaxation is difficult to find!
I'm sure soon the warmer weather will be difficult to find to! I'm prepared though! Fuzzy warm sweater and fur lined boots are standing by to battle the elements!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
It's theory time girls.In one of the groups I follow, we were having a lively discussion of why a man would date a Trans Girl anyway. Hence the reason my ten ideas resurfaced.
A spouse posted that both of them go out on occasion and "s/he" always has an aggressive edge of real challenge when "s/he" is hit on. She went on to say the men involved usually "perk" up.
I put a link up for the book she mentioned "Why Men Love Bitches" as a possible explanation.
I immediately thought of the woman I ran into a couple weeks ago. She was the one I had the seat incident with .(I Touched A Girl) She is the stereotypical bitch and I was amazed at how fast I came back on her as a bitch too. Like it mattered!
Before I had left, the one woman in her group had left and she was with 3 guys. Theory correct?
Non of this however is really a part of my personality. Nor have I read the book. All of this is just speculation. Yet another unique idea of going out in the world as female. AND! There is more.
Another idea being discussed is the hormone testosterone. Very simply, it's the sex hormone in humans. Obviously men have more but women have it too to varying degrees and it aids the sex drive.
How all of this effects a fully transitioned woman with no testosterone is the question.
I'm no scientist and if anything really interesting comes of this I'll pass it along.
In the meantime girls...get that "bitch slap" ready!
A spouse posted that both of them go out on occasion and "s/he" always has an aggressive edge of real challenge when "s/he" is hit on. She went on to say the men involved usually "perk" up.
I put a link up for the book she mentioned "Why Men Love Bitches" as a possible explanation.
I immediately thought of the woman I ran into a couple weeks ago. She was the one I had the seat incident with .(I Touched A Girl) She is the stereotypical bitch and I was amazed at how fast I came back on her as a bitch too. Like it mattered!
Before I had left, the one woman in her group had left and she was with 3 guys. Theory correct?
Non of this however is really a part of my personality. Nor have I read the book. All of this is just speculation. Yet another unique idea of going out in the world as female. AND! There is more.
Another idea being discussed is the hormone testosterone. Very simply, it's the sex hormone in humans. Obviously men have more but women have it too to varying degrees and it aids the sex drive.
How all of this effects a fully transitioned woman with no testosterone is the question.
I'm no scientist and if anything really interesting comes of this I'll pass it along.
In the meantime girls...get that "bitch slap" ready!
Top Ten Reasons!
Here they are! The Top 10 reasons to date a trans girl!
1.- guy has been trashed by g-girls in the dating scene.
2.-guy wants a girl who will do her best to look good for him...always
3.-guy wants a girl who can really understand him.
4.-guy wants a girl who is not a nag and knows when to shut up.
5.-guy wants a girl who is NOT after his money or wants to get married.
6.-guy wants a girl whose biological clock is non existent along with periods and mood swings.
7.-guy wants a girl who only shares his interests for the short period of time needed to "catch him".
8.-guy wants a girl who knows what "space" is and how to give it to him.
9.-guy wants an "old school type girl" Sometimes it takes a man to know what a woman should act like. Many women have forgotten.
10.-guy is bored and wants a new and exotic person in his life.
Cyrsti "Letterman"!
I know I've done these before but I just answered a question in a yahoo group I'm still allowed in. I thought I would pass it along!
1.- guy has been trashed by g-girls in the dating scene.
2.-guy wants a girl who will do her best to look good for him...always
3.-guy wants a girl who can really understand him.
4.-guy wants a girl who is not a nag and knows when to shut up.
5.-guy wants a girl who is NOT after his money or wants to get married.
6.-guy wants a girl whose biological clock is non existent along with periods and mood swings.
7.-guy wants a girl who only shares his interests for the short period of time needed to "catch him".
8.-guy wants a girl who knows what "space" is and how to give it to him.
9.-guy wants an "old school type girl" Sometimes it takes a man to know what a woman should act like. Many women have forgotten.
10.-guy is bored and wants a new and exotic person in his life.
Cyrsti "Letterman"!
I know I've done these before but I just answered a question in a yahoo group I'm still allowed in. I thought I would pass it along!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Take Me Out To the Ballgame!
I'm certainly not the first transgender girl to go to an NFL game and hopefully I won't be the last. It's a god given right to love football if you are a guy or a girl or both!
Yes I did go to a Monday night NFL game with 3 friends. My initial reaction was WOW - this trip is not for the faint of heart!
I have been to a bunch of games, but never as a girl. So I knew what to expect from the other side.
Game time temperature was about 55 degrees which was beautiful for Cincinnati in November. I was able to wear flats, jeans and a vest coat over a sweater. That's all good.
We had a great parking pass and only had to walk through one tailgate area. My major problem was worrying about how my hair looked. LoL! On the other hand, I just couldn't loosen up and feel the moment. Remember, a couple years ago, you couldn't have convinced me to do this.
At this point we are moving with the mob of people into the stadium and through a security checkpoint. We all had to open our jackets for a pat down. Not much choice but I tried to pick a younger female guard. She patted me down and knew I wasn't all I appeared to be and kind of smiled as I went through and on to the ticket gate. Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief although I didn't really think this spot would be a problem.
The ticket taker was a breeze since they never look up anyhow and we all got into to the stadium as a group.
One of the other two women had to use the bathroom, so I rounded us up some beers while she was in there. I went to one of the vendors just selling out of his case and he did look up enough to see he didn't have to card me. Good, but not a compliment?
At this point the theme of the evening was being set. Yes I did get some recognition but not much and no real negatives. The problem was still me! I didn't have enough courage to use the restroom to check my look I felt as if I was flying blind.
The good thing was I didn't have time to dwell on it as we were headed for our seats and they were excellent! We were within a comfortable distance of the field and sitting around a more "upscale" clientele. I only had to shuffle past four older guys to get to my seat and they showed no signs of recognition. I did think I heard "that's a dude" on the way down the steps, but I can't be sure.
At this point, I had mixed emotions. If you are a sports fan and are in a NFL Stadium, they do it right. It's a spectacle and I was excited to be there! BUT those damn lights were not doing me any favors! I did manage to pull out my compact and sneak a peek and that was a mistake! Too late to run and hide!
Game time was still about ten minutes away and the camera that travels on the wires above the field was roving all over. If you never have seen one, it is about 50' above the field and has tremendous flexibility on where they can go with it. Well, here's my fantasy story of the evening. I was watching it as it came to our area of the stands and literally stopped right in front of us. So here was "Big Brother" staring at me! Now, logic dictates the camera was shooting the whole section and the live broadcast of the game hadn't even started yet. But logic also could dictate the control room guys had spotted the TG girl in the crowd. It's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Finally the game got started and everyone decided to stand through the whole half. Not so much a problem but I'm glad I'm wore the comfortable flats and not my new boots! The best part was that no one in the section was really giving me a second glance. Maybe this won't be so bad after all? I still had a long way to go however and the next big decision was coming up. Do I stay put or go during halftime?
Well, I didn't have to "go" so I stayed put. I got out my cell phone and got busy sending some pix of the stadium and text's to friends. Many of which didn't know "how" I attended the game.
If you don't know, NFL halftimes aren't very long and everyone was back and ready for the second half. With the new half a few new problems appeared. One of which was sitting next to my friend who got the tix. He switched seats with a friend and was very obnoxious. He was bothering her about her Steeler" coat and looking over her shoulder at me. I kept thinking "here it comes" but it never did from him. The worst that ever happened was some guys behind me tapping me on my shoulder for a "high 5" or two. In addition, there were three or four middle aged guys a couple rows down who would look over their shoulders and lean in and talk.
So! All of this could have been just paranoia.
As we were leaving, I had a guy stop be and thought he knew me and an obnoxious woman get in my face and stare. That was it.
Bottom line is I'm really happy that I went. I'm really unhappy I didn't ALLOW myself to enjoy it more.Yes, the major determination of you being able to do this is how you look but there is so much more.
I'm very sure there will be a next time. Everyone in the group seemed to really enjoy themselves and the lady who got the tix and I get along well.
The only problem I see is the next invite is mine!
The next time I will relax and be me!
Yes I did go to a Monday night NFL game with 3 friends. My initial reaction was WOW - this trip is not for the faint of heart!
I have been to a bunch of games, but never as a girl. So I knew what to expect from the other side.
Game time temperature was about 55 degrees which was beautiful for Cincinnati in November. I was able to wear flats, jeans and a vest coat over a sweater. That's all good.
We had a great parking pass and only had to walk through one tailgate area. My major problem was worrying about how my hair looked. LoL! On the other hand, I just couldn't loosen up and feel the moment. Remember, a couple years ago, you couldn't have convinced me to do this.
At this point we are moving with the mob of people into the stadium and through a security checkpoint. We all had to open our jackets for a pat down. Not much choice but I tried to pick a younger female guard. She patted me down and knew I wasn't all I appeared to be and kind of smiled as I went through and on to the ticket gate. Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief although I didn't really think this spot would be a problem.
The ticket taker was a breeze since they never look up anyhow and we all got into to the stadium as a group.
One of the other two women had to use the bathroom, so I rounded us up some beers while she was in there. I went to one of the vendors just selling out of his case and he did look up enough to see he didn't have to card me. Good, but not a compliment?
At this point the theme of the evening was being set. Yes I did get some recognition but not much and no real negatives. The problem was still me! I didn't have enough courage to use the restroom to check my look I felt as if I was flying blind.
The good thing was I didn't have time to dwell on it as we were headed for our seats and they were excellent! We were within a comfortable distance of the field and sitting around a more "upscale" clientele. I only had to shuffle past four older guys to get to my seat and they showed no signs of recognition. I did think I heard "that's a dude" on the way down the steps, but I can't be sure.
At this point, I had mixed emotions. If you are a sports fan and are in a NFL Stadium, they do it right. It's a spectacle and I was excited to be there! BUT those damn lights were not doing me any favors! I did manage to pull out my compact and sneak a peek and that was a mistake! Too late to run and hide!
Game time was still about ten minutes away and the camera that travels on the wires above the field was roving all over. If you never have seen one, it is about 50' above the field and has tremendous flexibility on where they can go with it. Well, here's my fantasy story of the evening. I was watching it as it came to our area of the stands and literally stopped right in front of us. So here was "Big Brother" staring at me! Now, logic dictates the camera was shooting the whole section and the live broadcast of the game hadn't even started yet. But logic also could dictate the control room guys had spotted the TG girl in the crowd. It's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Finally the game got started and everyone decided to stand through the whole half. Not so much a problem but I'm glad I'm wore the comfortable flats and not my new boots! The best part was that no one in the section was really giving me a second glance. Maybe this won't be so bad after all? I still had a long way to go however and the next big decision was coming up. Do I stay put or go during halftime?
Well, I didn't have to "go" so I stayed put. I got out my cell phone and got busy sending some pix of the stadium and text's to friends. Many of which didn't know "how" I attended the game.
If you don't know, NFL halftimes aren't very long and everyone was back and ready for the second half. With the new half a few new problems appeared. One of which was sitting next to my friend who got the tix. He switched seats with a friend and was very obnoxious. He was bothering her about her Steeler" coat and looking over her shoulder at me. I kept thinking "here it comes" but it never did from him. The worst that ever happened was some guys behind me tapping me on my shoulder for a "high 5" or two. In addition, there were three or four middle aged guys a couple rows down who would look over their shoulders and lean in and talk.
So! All of this could have been just paranoia.
As we were leaving, I had a guy stop be and thought he knew me and an obnoxious woman get in my face and stare. That was it.
Bottom line is I'm really happy that I went. I'm really unhappy I didn't ALLOW myself to enjoy it more.Yes, the major determination of you being able to do this is how you look but there is so much more.
I'm very sure there will be a next time. Everyone in the group seemed to really enjoy themselves and the lady who got the tix and I get along well.
The only problem I see is the next invite is mine!
The next time I will relax and be me!
Monday, November 8, 2010
"Old" Quote of the Day!
From "M. Butterfly":
Song Liling: Comrade! Why in Beijing opera are woman's roles traditionally played by men?
Comrade Chin: I don't know. Most probably a remnant of the reactionary and patriarchal social structure.
Song Liling: No. It's because only a man knows how a woman is supposed to act.
Kind of says it all?
Song Liling: Comrade! Why in Beijing opera are woman's roles traditionally played by men?
Comrade Chin: I don't know. Most probably a remnant of the reactionary and patriarchal social structure.
Song Liling: No. It's because only a man knows how a woman is supposed to act.
Kind of says it all?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I Touched A Girl.
As I left work last night, I figured I could actually go out and enjoy myself alone...with others. Get a seat, watch a couple of the late college football games and sort of "zone" out.
Good plan until I got to my pub and found only two seats open at the whole bar. One of which had a jacket on it. A woman was standing one seat away from the open one so I asked her was the seat taken? She was every bit as tall as me and we locked eyes as she verbally bitched slapped me with "yes, and I'm sitting there!" I really didn't know (or care) if she read me as TG or just another woman invading her space. I wasn't asking about that seat anyhow and just took the next one down.
About five minutes later she turned back to me and said she knew me and we had talked in another spot. Did I remember her? I wanted to desperately and finally did. One afternoon we had sat close to each other in a tavern downtown. At that time I had mentally labeled her as either bi or gay . She is very attractive in an assertive way. I followed her lead (with my own personal confidence) and we got along and talked until her brother came to pick her up.I figured I wouldn't probably see her again. Until last night!
We chatted for awhile and she introduced me to her 3 friends and they went on their way. I thought they had left until about a half hour later someone was lightly rubbing my back and saying "pretty lady". Fortunately it was her. I obviously thanked her and ordered another beer.
This time I could see her in the mirror and was trying to muster enough courage to return the "touch" on the way out. Assuming I left before her. I always (in both genders) have never had the courage to do this. Until last night.
I paid my tab and walked by her group on the way out.. I stopped and lightly brushed her bare arm with my fingernails and said "thanks and I'll see you!" I kept on walking and she said wait and motioned me back. I got a hug and a chance to talk to the group for a couple minutes.
I'm so glad a finally found the courage to step forward a little with others. Better yet, I hope I see her again!
Good plan until I got to my pub and found only two seats open at the whole bar. One of which had a jacket on it. A woman was standing one seat away from the open one so I asked her was the seat taken? She was every bit as tall as me and we locked eyes as she verbally bitched slapped me with "yes, and I'm sitting there!" I really didn't know (or care) if she read me as TG or just another woman invading her space. I wasn't asking about that seat anyhow and just took the next one down.
About five minutes later she turned back to me and said she knew me and we had talked in another spot. Did I remember her? I wanted to desperately and finally did. One afternoon we had sat close to each other in a tavern downtown. At that time I had mentally labeled her as either bi or gay . She is very attractive in an assertive way. I followed her lead (with my own personal confidence) and we got along and talked until her brother came to pick her up.I figured I wouldn't probably see her again. Until last night!
We chatted for awhile and she introduced me to her 3 friends and they went on their way. I thought they had left until about a half hour later someone was lightly rubbing my back and saying "pretty lady". Fortunately it was her. I obviously thanked her and ordered another beer.
This time I could see her in the mirror and was trying to muster enough courage to return the "touch" on the way out. Assuming I left before her. I always (in both genders) have never had the courage to do this. Until last night.
I paid my tab and walked by her group on the way out.. I stopped and lightly brushed her bare arm with my fingernails and said "thanks and I'll see you!" I kept on walking and she said wait and motioned me back. I got a hug and a chance to talk to the group for a couple minutes.
I'm so glad a finally found the courage to step forward a little with others. Better yet, I hope I see her again!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Scared to Death!
What the heck did I do?
NFL Monday Night Football??? Really?
Well girl, it's almost time to put your game face on. Game time is this Monday.
What was I thinking? I was euphoric about this event until last night when I really started to think about it.
I don't have much problem presenting as a woman so what would be the problems? Plenty!
Let's start with Footwear.
Monday will not be the time or place for heels! Both set of boots I own have about a 2" heel. The good thing is I still have plenty of time to pick up some low heel options. I know what I want but finding my size is always a challenge. I am fortunate to be just on the high end of women's sizes (10 1/2-11) so anything is possible. I would love a suede pair with fur lined tops! '
Weather. Perfect! 5 day forecast calling for clear and a low of 36 Monday night. I have a couple different options for coats. A sleeveless shell worn over a sweater or a sweater coat I have. Sleeveless shell probably best choice. The shell also has a couple of pockets which I will need.
No purse for this outing..Security outside of stadium really only checks bags and purses so I should be OK. Will have to utilize pockets! I can store cash and ID in my jeans pockets and stash some light makeup in my shell pockets. I would imagine the make up I start with will have to last. Probably won't be much chance for touch ups. Long lasting lipstick should work.
Once we are in the stadium, I'm with a group of four, so blending with them should get me to our seats.
Now the problems? Number one is the bathroom. My host wants the group to stop and eat and drink a couple cold ones on the way down. Plus we will probably consume at least one of the ultra expensive beers in the stadium. Somewhere along the way I will have to go.
I have had almost no problem with rest rooms for years but Monday would not be the time to start! Best case scenario would be to go with two of the other women in the group. One guy makes up the foursome.
Number two is probably pure paranoia but what if one person where I'm sitting picks me out of the crowd and wants to make a scene? More likely, all should be intent on the game. I hope it stays close so everyone stays with the game.
There you have it girlfriends. My hopes and fears for a once in a lifetime trip to an NFL Monday Night Game as a girl.
I'll keep you posted!
NFL Monday Night Football??? Really?
Well girl, it's almost time to put your game face on. Game time is this Monday.
What was I thinking? I was euphoric about this event until last night when I really started to think about it.
I don't have much problem presenting as a woman so what would be the problems? Plenty!
Let's start with Footwear.
Monday will not be the time or place for heels! Both set of boots I own have about a 2" heel. The good thing is I still have plenty of time to pick up some low heel options. I know what I want but finding my size is always a challenge. I am fortunate to be just on the high end of women's sizes (10 1/2-11) so anything is possible. I would love a suede pair with fur lined tops! '
Weather. Perfect! 5 day forecast calling for clear and a low of 36 Monday night. I have a couple different options for coats. A sleeveless shell worn over a sweater or a sweater coat I have. Sleeveless shell probably best choice. The shell also has a couple of pockets which I will need.
No purse for this outing..Security outside of stadium really only checks bags and purses so I should be OK. Will have to utilize pockets! I can store cash and ID in my jeans pockets and stash some light makeup in my shell pockets. I would imagine the make up I start with will have to last. Probably won't be much chance for touch ups. Long lasting lipstick should work.
Once we are in the stadium, I'm with a group of four, so blending with them should get me to our seats.
Now the problems? Number one is the bathroom. My host wants the group to stop and eat and drink a couple cold ones on the way down. Plus we will probably consume at least one of the ultra expensive beers in the stadium. Somewhere along the way I will have to go.
I have had almost no problem with rest rooms for years but Monday would not be the time to start! Best case scenario would be to go with two of the other women in the group. One guy makes up the foursome.
Number two is probably pure paranoia but what if one person where I'm sitting picks me out of the crowd and wants to make a scene? More likely, all should be intent on the game. I hope it stays close so everyone stays with the game.
There you have it girlfriends. My hopes and fears for a once in a lifetime trip to an NFL Monday Night Game as a girl.
I'll keep you posted!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Asked to Leave!
A restaurant, a store, a rest room? No a transgender group blog on Yahoo! Yes girls that's right. The moderator showed me the virtual door.
Why? Because I was backing Misty's case concerning the California DMV person. *You can read my post from a couple days ago and or follow Misty's "Bad Tranny" link on our blogroll. Misty really provides much more info!
The moderator stood firm in his belief in the sacred rules of the group. No political or religious discussion.
I know rules are rules and the German's knew they were following Hitler's rules in WWII. That's all good.
Where would we all be as transgendered beings? I remember laws against even being out in public in women's clothes when I was a kid.
Bravo to all that fought those rules!
Yes I know I'm over reacting to being kicked out. There are a zillion other groups on the web and in fact one (yahoo) stepped up to email us with an invitation to their group.
It's the principal that one of ours basically supported the guy at the DMV. The moderator effectively shut down our protest.
The light of the closet when it opened ever so slightly must have blinded him.
Why? Because I was backing Misty's case concerning the California DMV person. *You can read my post from a couple days ago and or follow Misty's "Bad Tranny" link on our blogroll. Misty really provides much more info!
The moderator stood firm in his belief in the sacred rules of the group. No political or religious discussion.
I know rules are rules and the German's knew they were following Hitler's rules in WWII. That's all good.
Where would we all be as transgendered beings? I remember laws against even being out in public in women's clothes when I was a kid.
Bravo to all that fought those rules!
Yes I know I'm over reacting to being kicked out. There are a zillion other groups on the web and in fact one (yahoo) stepped up to email us with an invitation to their group.
It's the principal that one of ours basically supported the guy at the DMV. The moderator effectively shut down our protest.
The light of the closet when it opened ever so slightly must have blinded him.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween Party?
Due to work obligations, I knew my Halloween this year was not going to happen.
I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party.
I almost panicked! A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as me...no costume.
This year again I was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume.
I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction.
Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"!
I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!
I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party.
I almost panicked! A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as me...no costume.
This year again I was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume.
I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction.
Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"!
I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Am I Going To Hell For Being Transgendered????
Why Me?
Does God really hate me? Am I really an abomination? Will I join my other transgendered friends in hell?
NO! The California "DMV" person who took it upon himself to create a major upheaval will probably make it to the hot part of eternity before I will.
If you haven't heard the story, he sent a letter to a transgendered woman seeking to change her sex on her driver's license. He took it upon himself to condemn her to hell along with some other choice statements.
I really don't like to discuss religion here or in social settings but the fact remains mankind has always twisted religions for many different self serving reasons-including wars. I will not even attempt to make any in depth complex argument. This is a very simple view of the way I feel.
Does the fact I choose to live as my non birth gender take away from my belief in basic Christian principals? Is there some giant scoreboard somewhere?
My belief is that ideas such as the "DMV" guy come from single minded non thinking humans. Obviously your life is less complex if every Sunday someone gives you their opinion on how to run your life. Life is easier If every election day you automatically vote for one parties candidate or if your boss is always right. (He is the boss!) You don't have to think and that is a good thing for you!
I know for a fact the bible has many contradictory writings and it is man's oldest history book. I'm not educated enough to know that for sure about the "Koran", but it is probably true too.
I also know for a fact I follow many of Jesus principals. I strongly believe in treating others as I want to be treated. I don't cheat or steal. A simplistic attitude to be sure will that get me to hell?
I try to be sympathetic. When I hear stories such as the DMV, I don't want to hate. Maybe someday he and the guy who attacked me with religion one night will find a kinder gentler Christianity...the real one. Then non of us will meet in Hades!
A side note. I ran across a blog which presents A Jewish slant on transgenderism which I had never seen. I will include a link. http://gavigirl.wordpress.com/
May the "force" be with you. What ever one you choose!
NO! The California "DMV" person who took it upon himself to create a major upheaval will probably make it to the hot part of eternity before I will.
If you haven't heard the story, he sent a letter to a transgendered woman seeking to change her sex on her driver's license. He took it upon himself to condemn her to hell along with some other choice statements.
I really don't like to discuss religion here or in social settings but the fact remains mankind has always twisted religions for many different self serving reasons-including wars. I will not even attempt to make any in depth complex argument. This is a very simple view of the way I feel.
Does the fact I choose to live as my non birth gender take away from my belief in basic Christian principals? Is there some giant scoreboard somewhere?
My belief is that ideas such as the "DMV" guy come from single minded non thinking humans. Obviously your life is less complex if every Sunday someone gives you their opinion on how to run your life. Life is easier If every election day you automatically vote for one parties candidate or if your boss is always right. (He is the boss!) You don't have to think and that is a good thing for you!
I know for a fact the bible has many contradictory writings and it is man's oldest history book. I'm not educated enough to know that for sure about the "Koran", but it is probably true too.
I also know for a fact I follow many of Jesus principals. I strongly believe in treating others as I want to be treated. I don't cheat or steal. A simplistic attitude to be sure will that get me to hell?
I try to be sympathetic. When I hear stories such as the DMV, I don't want to hate. Maybe someday he and the guy who attacked me with religion one night will find a kinder gentler Christianity...the real one. Then non of us will meet in Hades!
A side note. I ran across a blog which presents A Jewish slant on transgenderism which I had never seen. I will include a link. http://gavigirl.wordpress.com/
May the "force" be with you. What ever one you choose!
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