Loss of Status

I have written numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning how crucial it is to be careful when you first begin to explore the feminine world. 

You lose many things when you cross the gender frontier and lose your male privileges.  The most important one to consider is your own personal security. In society, the feminine gender is simply the one which becomes the target for physical and emotional abuse.

My idea's on the subject were brought up again when I read a post from Mandy and her experience in a coin shop. To make a long story short, she encountered a questionable man who was trying to buy her coins instead of the store. Mandy has her own very long hair, painted nails and has no problem "passing" as a woman. On this occasion, perhaps "passing" could be the least of her problems. Fortunately the store clerk got rid of the man in question and Mandy even noted his license plate when he left.

Over the years I have noted my own close calls with the public when I first began to come out. In particular, I wrote about the near altercation I had with two men outside a gay bar late one night in downtown Dayton, Ohio. I paid my way out of that with the last five dollars I had in my purse. The next time I went to the same area in my long black skirt with a deep slit, matching sleeveless tank top and long straight flowing dark wig, I asked for support when I left. I was meeting two lesbians and I asked them to walk me to my car. Which they gladly did.

All transgender women should learn quickly to park in lighted areas, as close as possible to your destination. In other words, do not make yourself a target. It's a double edged sword because if you look too good you could be a target. Or, if someone clocks you as a transgender woman, trouble could erupt again.

Some trans women I know, as well as cis women too go to the drastic step of carrying self protection. From pepper spray to fire arms I have heard it all. My partner Liz (who has martial arts training) has purchase long pointed objects to go on our key chains in case something happens. 

Also, bars and taverns around the country are placing warning signs in the women's restrooms to provide possible help to women in need.(left)

How sad is it any of this has to happen. Or sadder yet I have to write about it.

Just be aware when you transition, your greatest privilege loss could be your personal security. 

Jayde

Photo Credit Jayde

 It's not often I get to feature a local transgender woman here in Cyrsti's Condo. This is Jayde and she lives in the Cincinnati metro area:

 

Sunshine Day

Pre Weight loss, Credit Cyrsti Hart

 Sunday turned out to be a wonderful day for several reasons. 

First of all, it was another beautiful autumn day with highs in the mid 70's (F) 

Also, for some unknown reason, Liz's 23 year old son invited us out to lunch. It was one of those days when my gender dysphoric self gave me a break and I thought my feminine self was able to shine through. Ironically, even my face is thinning out again, which accentuates my cheek bones. Other than that, I chose a nice pair of leggings and lightweight lacy top. I even got real fancy and wore a pair of earrings which I try to do on occasion to insure the holes in my ears don't grow shut. (They haven't). All in all, I felt good which always is the number one accessory a transgender woman can have. 

Once we arrived at the restaurant we had gone to for years, we found out they were closing early due to staffing issues so we had to hurry our lunch. It vaguely occurred to me to go somewhere else but I didn't say anything and we stayed. Ultimately we ended up taking most of our food to go. The disappointment came when there was very little public to see or to be seen.  Even though all my attention to detail with my appearance seemingly was wasted, the whole experience was good for my soul.  

Also yesterday another rarity happened.  The Cincinnati NFL football team went to their arch-rival Pittsburgh Steeler homefield and won for the first in like fifteen years. So life was good again.

With my birthday coming up in the not so distant future, I should be able to talk Liz into a special night or two.

Transgender Ally's

Saturday was National Daughters' Day. Along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have not been shy writing about my daughters acceptance of her transgender parent. 

Liz (left) and my daughter. Credit Cyrsti Hart

I was fortunate when not only did my daughter accept me, she wanted to help me. On occasion she tried to go too far. She was going to help me with my wardrobe and appearance. As I recently wrote about, she gifted me an appointment to her decidedly upscale hair salon. As I said before she came with me and added another layer to me being equally excited and terrified. I distinctly remember the second time I went back for a cut and color and suffered the "sticker shock" of being presented a bill for 175 dollars, not including tip. Due to financial considerations, it was my last visit there! Plus, I moved away. 

Of course my most influential dealing with allies came when I started to actually present my feminine self to the world. I made a couple of cis woman friends through my dealings at a local sports bar I went to and met my current partner Liz on an on line dating site. Liz essentially became my most influential ally when she told me to live totally as a transgender woman because she had always seen me as a woman. 

Over the years though, not unlike almost everything else in the transgender world, allies have come under scrutiny. It's become more difficult for potential trans allies to comprehend the intricacies of pronoun usage as an example. Plus just imagine if you were on the outside looking in and trying to understand the always evolving alphabet in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Then again, what if your child is trying to tell you they are gender fluid? 

Somewhere along the way I think we have lost some of our perspective on what an ally actually is. As in everything else in our world, being an ally evolves too.

In the meantime, I love my daughter Andrea and my partner Liz very much! 
  

Fall has Fallen

 Finally it looks like what is called Indian Summer around here has come and gone. Indian summer describes the last gasp of summer like weather. It's always been a pleasant time for me, as it's the time I take to re-assess my fall wardrobe of light weight sweaters, leggings and even boots. 

Early Denim Skirt Picture
Credit: Cyrsti Hart

Early looks into my wardrobe tell me it's time to do some shopping. Not only do I need some new key pieces, I need some new jeans in a smaller size. The diet is working plus my hips are continuing to change due to hormone replacement therapy. Since my very early days of transgender transition, I have never liked the idea of extensive shapewear, Relying totally on the what you see is what you get theory. For the most part I think it worked. Plus my favorite outfit was a long patterned top paired with a jean skirt. Since everyone told me I had good legs it made sense to show them off. 

Even back then, I was doing dieting and managed to shed nearly fifty pounds from the 275 I weighed when I started to seriously transition, 

All of this takes me back to my current dilemma of having a fall wardrobe deficit. Thanks to my cats claws, she has effectively ruined several pairs of leggings which I wear. Leggings fortunately, are a relatively inexpensive replacement item. After deeper inspection, I found I could use a couple more sweaters to wear.  Since I am a big thrift store shopper, it may be time for another trip. 

Seasonal wardrobe changes have always been fun for me. One of my favorite times to be a transgender woman. Being full time as long as I have been now just adds to the challenges.

Transgender Decision in Thailand

 

Thailand is considering whether to deport a transgender businesswoman who was convicted this month of illegal entry and is wanted in Malaysia for insulting Islam, a case that has put a spotlight on Malaysia's approach to gender identity.

Cosmetics company owner Nur Sajat, (above) as she prefers to be known, fled from Malaysia this year. Thai police confirmed that Sajat was arrested this month and was found guilty by a court of illegal entry and subsequently released on bail.

In Malaysia, she faces up to three years in jail and or a fine for dressing as a woman at a religious event in 2018, which she pleaded not guilty to, according to news reports.

Transgender Talent

 Transgender Talent, the transgender owned and operated management and production company, is looking to help Hollywood get better at portraying transgender and nonbinary characters on screen with the launch of a new consulting arm.

The company, which represents talent including David Makes Man’s Jamie K. Brown and The Craft: Legacy’s Zoey Luna, has opened the consulting business to assist the entertainment industry’s drive to increase diversity and inclusion both in front of and behind the camera.

Run by Ann Thomas,(above) an activist, and second-generation transgender person who has worked on HLN series’ Transgender in America, the division is an expansion of its medical education division which educates and advises UCLA medical students on transgender patient care.

 

It's a Material World

And, as Madonna would say, I am a material girl. Then again, don't all of us have to be one way or another? Unless you are living off the grid and probably aren't reading this at all. 

Picture after first hair appointment
Credit: Cyrsti Hart

Actually, I am a very basic transgender woman. Give me a comfortable pair of jeans or leggings, add a tank top and tennis shoes and I am happy and secure as the transgender woman I am. Ironically as basic as I am, I still dress more femininely than my partner Liz who is a cis gender woman. Meaning she was assigned female at birth.

Backtracking a bit, when I first began to explore the feminine world in public, I was much more materialistic. All my accessories such as jewelry, purses, shoes etc. were so much more important to me. All my attention to detail worked too when I was complimented on my appearance by other women. 

All went well until I really started to transition, aided by the effect of hormone replacement therapy. One of the first changes that happened was I was fortunate and my hair really started to grow. So much so that my daughter gifted me my first visit to her upscale hair salon as a birthday present after I had come out to her. The visit remains in my mind as one of the most exciting yet scary experiences of my life as I crossed the gender frontier. Having to walk the "gauntlet" of women who had nothing else to do but to watch and judge me was amazing pressure to say the least. 

I learned too, it was a material world when all of the sudden I was paying to have someone else take care of my hair. My old twenty dollar haircuts at a barber shop were long gone. Also when I was going out, I had to learn there was a back to my head also. All those years of wearing a wig had spoiled me. Of course I could simply turn the wig around on it's stand and brush it out. 

Another of the main problems I faced as I MtF gender transitioned was the cost of trying to maintain two wardrobes. Along the way I was biased because shopping for the feminine side was so much more fun and satisfying. Once I settled into my feminine natural role and quit cross dressing as a guy, of course the costs went down.

I suppose it could be argued we all live in a material world. Transgender women may experience it all in such a unique way.
  

We Got Mail

 The first comes from "Georgette" and mentions coming out in the pre internet Dark Ages:

"Ah, The coming out in the "Dark Ages",

Yes it was difficult but hasn't it always been difficult now and back then,

For me enlisting in the Navy during the Viet Nam era really formed my lifetime career in electronics/computers, And because of my outing during that time it set into the motion of what/where/when I needed to do after the Navy,

I have some now call me brave and a pioneer of sorts, But really it was a do or die, If it didn't all work out I had no "Plan B", Not sure what would happen, One thing that it did for/to me was it made me grow a hard exterior emotionally, Oh sure all the pointing/ whispering/laughing at me hurt inside but I was determined because I saw a future where I could be the real me,

These are my only help for all the newer/younger ones now, You can live a happier life and hopefully a longer one as yourself,"

Yes it has always been difficult! Thanks for the comment!

Now on to Connie who commented on the "History" post: "

I can relate, except that I quite enjoyed being a defensive end. Taking on the block of a fullback or pulling guard on a sweep play, and then forcing the running back to go inside - only to be tackled by a linebacker or cornerback - was analogous to my life. It was a struggle, and took all my energy to deal with it, but nobody really noticed my efforts because the glory went to someone else. I never minded, though, because avoiding the spotlight was safe. Still, I could take quiet satisfaction in knowing I'd done a good job.

 Besides, it takes a lot of discipline and toughness to hold one's ground like that, and the physicality of it all helped me to take out my frustrations in an acceptable manner. 

As far as the cheerleaders go, I remember them teasing me from the sidelines that the blackout under my eyes looked like my mascara was running. Little did they know that there were times, after a game, when I went home and applied my mascara flawlessly. ;-)"

Thanks Connie!

Georgette Cornio

GEORGETTE CORNIO FOLLOWS

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Monday Inspiration

 This may help you with your Monday Blues!

History

Pre Covid Picture. Credit Cyrsti Hart

 Many transgender women and men resent their restrictive upbringing not living as their authentic selves. I prefer to think of it as far as I am concerned as the days of cross dressing as a guy. Even though for the most part I was successful, all too often, the whole effort was so very stressful. The entire time I had to hide my resentment. Back in those days (the 50's and 60's) there was simply no one to reach out to.

These days of course are different except for the fact some of the young transgender population don't understand how a seemingly increase in older trans women and men coming out somehow is bogus. They don't realize how difficult it was to come out in the "dark ages" of being transgender.

Then there is the
effect of testosterone poisoning. The infamous result of puberty often is too much for many of us to overcome. No matter how any hormones you take, there is nothing you can do about your size or bone structure.  On the positive side, many of us learn to dress ourselves to still accentuate the positive and survive the feminine world. 

One idea to look back on your male history is to look at what he did do for you. For some of us, he kept us safe from the bullies. He acted the hated macho role well and did enough to get by. He was able to somehow internalize the confusing feminine feelings. He didn't want to be a defensive end on the football team. He wanted to be a cheerleader. 

For better or for worse, my history is one of survival. I went to proms and dated when I had to all the way to getting married and having a daughter. I even was forced into the military through the Vietnam draft so I could add it to my "male resume"'  

Being a historian myself, I have embraced the positive aspects of  being forced to live a period of my life in a foreign gender. Through it all, I learned what it is to live both sides of the gender fence. 

History now tells me it is as difficult as it sounds.

Another Top Transgender Star

 

Indya Moore started as a model, but they really made a name for themselves when they were cast as Angel on FX's "Pose." 

As a trans and non-binary person, they became a mainstream success, booking even more modeling gigs and eventually becoming Elle's first trans cover model. 

Bond Girl

 Caroline Cossey, also known as Tula, made headlines as the first transgender model to pose for Playboy magazine.

 Prominent throughout the ‘70s and ‘80s, Cossey worked with major fashion magazines and small brands, even appearing topless in denim ads. Her big break came with a cover spread for Playboy in 1981, which led to her role as an extra in James Bond’s film For Your Eyes Only. 

 After being outed by a British tabloid in 1991, she made a comeback by posing for Playboy again, this time in a solo spread that dubbed her a “beautiful woman who was born a boy.”

What's in a Name?

 Often as we go through the stages of a transgender transition, our names go down a similar path.

It's very interesting how we choose our feminine names. My example is my first name I used was Karen. She sat next to me in study hall in junior (middle) school. When I transferred to a much bigger school, I developed crushes on many more girls. Too many to "borrow" their names. 

It's likely the biggest mistake with feminine names I made was when I first started to seriously come out of my closet. I made a habit of naming myself after a persona I created. For example, Roxy was much more flamboyant than Darcy. I learned the hard way all I was doing was confusing the people I met along the way. They were trying to call me by one name when I was attempting to use another. Fortunately I learned to dress to blend and settled in on one name. For awhile. Actually for a long while. 

Shortly before I began to write the blog (ten years ago) I changed my name to Cyrsti. It's pronounced Cristy. I changed the spelling to reflect how a light is redirected when it goes through a crystal. I used the name for years and years until I came out as transgender to my daughter. She accepted me totally except for my name. She was concerned what the three grandkids would call me.

At that point in time, I went back to the name drawing board and came up with a solution. I would rename myself after family figures I looked up to and make it my legal name. I chose Jessie as my first name after my maternal grandfather and Jeanne as my middle name, from my Mom. The kids could just call me JJ.

Then I ran into problems with what I should do with the blog. By that time I already had millions of hits thanks to you all. So I decided to leave it alone and use Cyrsti as sort of a pen name. 

It would be easy if the story ended there but it didn't. 

I write on several different platforms. Blogger, WordPress and Medium. I wish I could tell you all my posts are original to each platform but they are not. I just can't generate that much content. So, Blogger and WordPress are under my Cyrsti pen name and Medium is under my legal name of JJ. 

So if you see me on other platforms, that's the reason for the name confusion!

Another Transgender Crush

 

A central figure in many episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Carmen Carrera first appeared on the show in its third season, and was the second contestant in the show’s history to rejoin the cast after being eliminated. 

She also appeared as a drag “professor” in the spinoff series RuPaul’s Drag U. Carrerra presented as male during the third season of Drag Race, and came out as a trans woman the following year, in 2012. 

Since then, she has appeared in many magazines, including the cover for the fifth anniversary edition of Candy, and is involved with AIDS activism and advocacy.

Baggage

Photo courtesy Cyrsti Hart

 In a recent post I mentioned sports as one of the items of baggage I took with me when I crossed the transgender gender frontier. Obviously, undertaking such a difficult journey requires planning and experience to attempt a smooth trip.

The first lesson I learned was relying on an obsession with appearance was not going to work. Certainly projecting a feminine appearance helped open gender doors but didn't accomplish much when I was faced with one on one interactions with the public. In order to survive, I had to pack gender communication skills as well as trying my best to achieve a feminine voice. To this day, I am not sure I ever made any real strides with my voice. Even after attempting vocal lessons. 

I guess you could say I was traveling light and learning as I went during the early part o
f my journey. I discovered the hard way how women lead a multi layered experience. 

One of the biggest lessons I learned was losing my male privilege. I lightened my baggage extensively and quickly. All of a sudden I was excluded from male conversations. Even to the point of supposedly not knowing the quickest route to where I lived. All of that was easy compared to the danger I encountered when I made in roads to areas where cis women knew not to go. I was fortunate to have not been subject to violence. I learned quickly to park in lighted areas and not be cornered by over aggressive admirers in narrow hallways. 

All in all, it was a terrifying yet exciting time in my life.

So, what do you pack? What about your sexuality? In my case, I ended up with women anyhow so it didn't matter. On the other hand, these days, I know several transgender sisters who have made the journey and found men to live with. Plus with all the information available today I know several transgender individuals who were able to make the transition journey with their spouses. Finally, with all the surgeries and insurance becoming available, I know too several trans women who have found and established relationships with other transgender women through the increasing influence of social media.

Even though the gender crossing won't be easy with many hills and valleys along the way, the most important item to pack is your desire to make the journey. Otherwise, if you aren't willing to add or discard items along the way, the trip will be so much more difficult.   

Weekend Review

Liz and I. Photo Credit Cyrsti Hart

 My weekend was built around sports with a pleasant surprise added in. 

As I have already written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was deeply shocked by The Ohio State Buckeyes losing in college football. Almost as shocked as I was when the NFL Cincinnati Bengals won their first game yesterday. To make a long story short, both happenings are rare. 

I'm sure there are many of you who could care less or perhaps didn't carry sports with you as part of your baggage when you crossed the gender frontier. Sports was always such a big part of my life and I was delighted when I found other accepting cis-women who shared my passion. 

Now, onto the pleasant surprise. Liz and I's tenth anniversary was actually August 5th. We have been putting off (for various reasons) going out and celebrating since then. Yesterday we finally made it. We went to an upscale steak house for huge rib eyes. For the occasion I wore a simple lace top and leggings. 

The steak was good and I was able to splurge a little on the sides because the diet has been progressing so well. I am now down 22 pounds to a weight I have not been since basic training. 

So excluding the Ohio State loss, it was a great weekend, and the weather was good too. 

Inspiration

 I need this after a very rare The Ohio State University football loss yesterday. Congratulations Connie!

 

Never Forget

 

On the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 United States terror attacks, it's important to look back and never forget.

Not only do we need to have to honor the first responders who headed into danger to rescue whomever they could. We need to remember all of those who lost their lives in the World Trade Center, Pentagon and Pennsylvania tragedies. 

Then there were all of the Americans who paid the ultimate price in Afghanistan, which included all of those wounded or are still suffering from their roles in yet another thankless war.

Never forget and stay alert to future threats.

The Path

 Over the years of writing Cyrsti's Condo, among other things, I have discovered how similar yet different our paths become as we pursue the quest to live as our authentic selves. I have no way to really confirm this but I feel (from the comments I receive) many readers are of the approximate age I am. So I can compare my story with yours. 

Cluttered office-Cluttered mind. 
Photo courtesy Cyrsti Hart

If you did grow up in the pre internet dark ages, you don't need me to remind you how lonely the time was. I spent years thinking I had to be the only boy who wanted to be a girl. I did the best I could by trying to compete in male activities such as sports as I over compensated  for my feelings. 

Perhaps (like Connie) you followed a similar path or on the other hand you were bullied growing up. Neither with good results. At the least, we all turned into survivors. I made it through with my small precious "stash" of girls clothes and make up. When the very few times my parents and brother were gone, I managed to cross dress out of my boring boy clothes and into my exciting feminine garments. Unfortunately, the more I was able to escape the doldrums of being male, the more I wanted to be a girl. Little did I know, I was a girl cross dressing as a boy. 

Of course back in those days too, no one really knew much about being transgender and/or gender dysphoria. I am sure many of you remember how long it took to stop the medical world from calling us mentally ill. Our parents, far from being understanding to begin with, had little or no information to help us if they wanted to. My parents being from the WWII generation were long on material support and short on emotional help.

Perhaps also as life progressed you took the military or marriage road out to "making you a man." Predictably with less than stellar results. I was in the Army, served three years all along wishing I was in a dress. The fortunate ones among us ended up with supportive spouses and family when we entered the world as our true selves. So many aren't so lucky. 

As we age, ironically, the path doesn't become any easier. Now we face the harsh reality of assisted care living. All it takes is one or two misguided individuals to force you back into the closet you worked so hard to escape from.

Yes the path is rocky but no one ever said crossing the gender frontier was going to be easy. Look at it this way. When you make it, perhaps you make the journey easier for the next transgender person in line.   

Truth!

 Humans are sharks and sense blood in the water. So when you are out and about in the feminine world, remember:

Stealth

 This comment comes from "Georgette" in the "Medium" platform:

'WOW, Lay it all down on the "Not so Visible" TS/TG people that in the past just wanted to live some semblance of an everyday "normal" life,

I won't use the word "stealth", as for me that means something different, Something akin to "witness protection", Where someone breaks off all contact with anyone from ones past life, Which at one time that was encouraged and almost required,

My partner and I made no hiding of the facts to our families and work, Infact I transitioned at the same work center and with anyone that cared in the company (a fairly large corporation), I was not hidden away but worked at a variety of company sites (mostly all Dept of Def), And would also travel to other areas of the USA to work on special projects,

I may not have been out to all as in telling my background (as in anouncing here I am the TS), But is that really necessary,

We didn't purposely avoid any contact with others, There were NO actual TG/TS support groups that I knew of locally, But around 1985 we just made no effort to keep up with the local CD groups and stopped going to all the Lesbian clubs, We just settled in as growing old as two women together,

And yes I see those arguments on-line of an almost hierarchy of TG/TS, Such a sad state of affairs,

I'm glad you still have a loving partner, And I may feel envious you still have one (mine dying in 2014 after 39 years), Too often I meet the ones that have lost/divorced/or who never had one, But you state that you seldom go anywhere without her, My loving partner and I would have many adventures outside just the two of us,

Since my loss I have come back out to a LGBT+ world that I am trying to figure out, And will tell my long background to any that want to hear it, I may still not be obvious to the non-LGBT+ world but don't really hide it either.'

Thanks so much for the comment!

Georgette Cornio

GEORGETTE CORNIO FOLLOWS

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  Kaylin Scott

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  JJ Hart

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  Phaylen Fairchild

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Being Gender Fluid

 On occasion I feel as if the term "gender fluid" is a relatively new term. In fact those of us in the more mature age range remember when transvestite was one of the only words we could use to describe ourselves except maybe cross dresser. Then, along the way, the transvestite term was shortened to "tr_nny" which became a gender slur in some parts of the world. 

The reason I bring up the gender fluid term in today's post is I heard it re
cently from an eleven year old person on national television. They said they didn't know what gender they were. I quickly flashed back to my youth and knew I felt the same way. In fact, I have written extensively in the past the number of mornings I woke up not wanting to be a boy anymore. On the other hand when I was successful doing "boy" things I enjoyed it. Definitely gender dysphoria at it's most severe. From a time before gender dysphoria was even a term. Plus, I can't even imagine having such an understanding and supportive set of parents.

As I grew, served my time in college and the Army I prefer to think I "grew" into the transgender term too and out of being gender fluid. Once I experienced being around other so called heterosexual cross dressers, I learned there was a whole other level of individuals who loosely identified as transvestites. These persons were the impossibly feminine visitors to the mixers I went to. They just didn't fit. Somehow they were out of place.

Soon I discovered I felt out of place too. I certainly didn't fit in with the ultra masculine men in a dress crowd and barely tried to hang out with the "A" listers as I called them. I tagged along on the adventures they embarked on after the regular meet ups. I discovered a wonderful world of gay clubs along with the chance to live my life as a feminine being.

All of this decidedly terminated any chance of my gender fluid tendencies but not quite. Even though being feminine felt so natural, going out with friends cross dressed as a man felt good on occasion also. I guess you could say any traces of gender fluidity for me was becoming toxic.    

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and took advantage of several drastic changes in my life. I put my suicide attempts behind me and started hormone replacement therapy. Which once and for all forced my male self into his closet.

It also ended any lingering ideas of being gender fluid. 

Have a Safe...

 

Stealth versus Invisibility

 I have re-written this post several times as I try to include all of you who are still living in your closets. Finally, I decided to go ahead and publish it because hopefully there will come a day when you too can live freely as your authentic selves. Now, here is the post:

I used to resent quite a few of the transgender women I knew who underwent gender realignment surgery then promptly went stealth. By "stealth" I mean  they went away to simply live their lives away from the remainder of the transgender community. Before you say the often irritated and jealous transgender community...I agree. In fact,  in many ways, I don't blame them. 

Even so, to a large degree, there were very few trans women and men to follow.. No one to tell us it was perfectly OK to feel and act the way we do.  

Over the years, I have battled the urge to go stealth even though for the most part it has been available to me. Much of being able to go stealth has much to do  with my partner Liz as it does with me and any so called passing ability. Since I so rarely go anywhere without her, I am so very used to letting her lead the way with calling me the proper pronouns. 

Sometimes I wonder if being too invisible as a transgender woman once again is letting the community as a whole down. Or what the subject even means to the average transgender person just trying to get by.  

As I try my best not to be too in depth about the topic at hand, recently I had a chance to unfortunately witness yet another ugly episode of transgender infighting. To make a long story short, in the transgender - cross dresser support group I am in (or used to be), a disturbance erupted between two members basically concerning who was more trans than the other. 

Once again it seemed to me, the more things change over the years, the more they stay the same. I mean really, what does it mean if a person is more trans than another.

Maybe on the other hand, as a community we should protect the out and proud leaders we have gained such as Laverne Cox.   

The more out and proud trans people we have, the more chance we can defeat the evils of the stealth and the invisibility culture.  

One of my Faves

 Out of the many invisible Facebook friends I have, one of the ones who is not and I am absolutely fascinated with is Melonee Malone (no relation to Connie). In addition to being beautiful, she adds uplifting inspirational posts about surviving life as a transgender woman.

On this Labor Day weekend, here is Melonee: on a rainy morning in her native Wisconsin. 

Trans Survival in a Cis Gender World

 

No matter where you find yourself  in the coming out process, I am fairly sure along the way you may have encountered some resistance to changing genders. Mine came years ago when I was called a pervert in a women's room I was using. Later on that same evening I was asked to leave the venue all together. From other happenings similar to that, I developed what I call "Transgender PTSD".(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) On occasion, I still experience it today.  

How did I survive? Basically, everytime I had to go through extremely negative experiences, I shed tears and went back to the drawing board and tried to improve my exterior self to match my feminine interior self.  It was tough for me because I had very few feminine traits to build on after spending decades perfecting my macho act. Along the way, I still lived in fear of hearing the dreaded "Hey! That's a man in a dress." 

Gradually I did improve my appearance as I learned to dress for other women and to blend into where ever I was going. An example? If I was going to one of the upscale pub/restaurants I went to socialize I would wear a fancier outfit which would indicate I was a professional woman of some sort. On the other hand, if I was going to meet my lesbian friends at a sports bar we normally went to, I would wear a nice pair of jeans and top. All of a sudden, my life in the cis-world became easier.

When my life really became easier was when I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). All of a sudden I went to the tipping point of no return. My face and skin started to soften as my hair began to grow along with my breasts. Relatively quickly I reached a very androgynous spot in my life. Finally cross dressing as a guy felt very wrong. 

I need to emphasize none of this was easy. I went through terrifying times all the way to feeling euphoric with my progress. Crossing the gender frontier could be a path I could follow after all. 

If you are considering following the same path, don't go it alone. Find a therapist or a gender professional to monitor your bloodwork and hormones. Estrogen can be a good thing until it goes too high and can become toxic.

In the meantime, try to relax and enjoy the ride. Very few humans have the opportunity to experience both of the binary genders up close and personal.

When it happens for you, you too will be a true survivor.