It's Halloween Season

 

Image from Andrea Li
on UnSplash.

It is finally here, the season that all cross dressers and novice transgender women dream about, Halloween. It is the magical day when we can be ourselves without all the paranoia of being caught and exposed as a man wanting to be feminine. The time when everyone has a chance to cross the gender line and be themselves.

These days, since I sadly don’t participate in Halloween much anymore, I don’t write much about it. But back in the day, I was fanatical in my Halloween preparations. Without fail, I would begin thinking of my “costume” the first of October and change my mind several times before Halloween itself. I always felt a transgender woman had the right to change her mind. Would I try to be sexy this year or try for a more authentic “costume” such as a professional woman look. Major decisions I needed to make with the added pressure of knowing it would be another year before I could take advantage of the parties again.

Ironically, the “costumes” I chose followed in many ways my progression as an early transgender woman. In the early days, I would try to dress sexy and get away with the shortest mini dresses and highest heels I could find. Of course, then, I would give myself away as more than just a casual “jokester” at Halloween by shaving my legs, wearing a long sexy wig, and having great looking makeup. Which my wife took credit for when she wasn’t and didn’t wear any makeup at all. Even the most casual ciswoman observers at the parties I went to could tell how serious I was about looking my best as a woman.

As I said, I quickly grew out of my sexy/trashy Halloween costumes and began to dream of being accepted my mistake as a “real woman” at the parties I went to. That began my era of actually being mistaken for a woman just getting off work and coming to one of the parties I went to. I was professionally dressed in a dress and heels and ended up surprising other guests I had known for years. For the evening, I went with another woman other than my wife and had to sadly turn down a request to go with another couple to a different party. Later on, I learned that the man was a politician who was elected to Washington, so my political career was quickly ended by saying no.

Outside of that party, there was only one other party I went to when I was dressed in a moderately sexy “costume”. It was during my stay in New York and another night I got out of the house without my second wife going with me, for some reason. This time, my invitation came from one of my female managers where I worked, so I looked forward to what the evening had in store for me. It turned out my sexy “costume” hair and makeup fit it perfectly with the other women I ended up meeting for the first time.

I ended up meeting everyone in my manager’s house and they were all there when I arrived. I will never forget the delight I felt when I saw they were all dressed like me, so unknowingly I had dressed to blend with them. Also, I will never forget the hush that fell over the room as the other women looked me over from head to toe. I ended up tagging along in my heels, hose and mini skirt with all the other women who were almost as tall as I when we made our way to a close by neighborhood bar where the party was taking place. I had my misgivings about how I would be treated there, but after I was in the bar for a while, there was no indication from anyone that I was not anyone different than I appeared. I was even asked if I wanted to dance by a man. All I know was the night flew by in a hurry and my wife did not speak to me for days because she saw my “costume” before I left.

Even though my Halloween highs were very high, sadly they were accompanied by very lows I needed to suffer through. I became very depressed and mean and tried to make everyone around me feel the same way. My problem was only ultimately solved by getting out of my dark gender closet more than just once a year.

In order for me to exist in a life I was discovering I needed, I had to set Halloween aside as just another day. Which ultimately took all the fun and drama away from it. But sacrifices had to be made for me to live as a transgender woman and Halloween was just one of them.

 

Sex Versus Gender

Image from the 
Jessie Hart Archives

One of the main problems a transgender person faces is the confusion we face in the world over the difference between sex and gender.

My easiest explanation to a "civilian" is sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears. It is the primary reason I chose not to undergo any serious gender realignment surgeries. I just didn't need any reinforcement from my body to reinforce what was my brain was already telling me. Even still, on occasion I have a difficult time explaining to the average person I am transgender but not gay. 

Some would say I was lucky to be able to experience my sexuality the way I did. Back in the day when I was exploring coming out as a trans woman, the trendy act to follow was to find a man you could be at his side so you could validate yourself as a woman. I know I felt the same way, all the way to having several dates with men. Including one transgender man. As I was seriously considering my sexuality at that point, I began to notice I was attracting much more attention from women than from men. Naturally, I was more at ease dealing with women due to a lifetime of experience, so the entire experience made my life easier and very much more fun. Plus I was never good at really having any close male friends in my life and I didn't have to start now. Perhaps the biggest factors I faced when I made women friends was they taught me tons of ideas on how to survive in their world.

Also what most "civilians" don't understand is, both gender and sex are on spectrums. Even though they refuse to admit it, very few individuals are totally straight or gay and fall into a middle point. With new understandings of the gender spectrum we have discovered new terms such as "gender fluid" or "non-binary" humans. It all makes perfect sense for the transgender women or trans men who don't feel completely as one gender or the other on any given day. The whole process makes it very difficult for the people who simplistically attempt to put everyone into neat little  gender corners. The old square peg in the square hole theory. It is basically too complex for many to understand

Since I had never really experienced any sort of a sexual spark when it came to my dealings with men, I was fortunate when I transitioned. Even though there were the men I mentioned dating, I didn't really have any sexual feelings towards them. Plus the hormone replacement therapy I was under, effectively reduced any sexual drive I used to have to the bare minimum.  So if I ever did have to become sexually active again, I would have to get creative. To the point, I even had one female acquaintance tell me I better get a banana to practice. I didn't have to because I never became that close to having a male friend.

On the other hand, I cherished the time I spent with my women friends. They helped me blossom into the person I am today. Speaking of cherish, my days of being sexually active as a man helped to reproduce my daughter whom I love very much and made the time of gender torment I was going through so worth it. It turned out I was on the gender spectrum as a woman and fought it all the way and I never had much choice as far as the sex aspect happened. I never had to really experience the fact I wasn't into men and my sex versus gender was far apart.

 

Truth!

 Humans are sharks and sense blood in the water. So when you are out and about in the feminine world, remember:

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"Sex is between the legs, Gender is between the ears and Love transcends both if it is True."

Cyrsti Hart

We Got Mail!

It seems my comment about the "immoral right" in our country stirred some emotion.

As always, my thoughts do not carry to my written word well at times.

First of all, I feel politics and issues now can be compared with sex and gender- each are so different. To me, issues are what effects my life as a citizen and politics have become way for special interest groups to bully the true issues.

Look, I'm old. I have seen a comedy of errors from both political parties. I'm ashamed to explain to my grand kids how my generation did and still does contribute to such a mess. All in all though, what does any of that have to do with the immoral right, left or center? Everything, then again nothing.

The immoral right I was referring to resides in the pulpits of local preachers spouting an endless stream of homo or transphobic hate,  or behind the microphones of Rush Limbaugh or the camera's of Fox News. One could argue the immoral right has simply utilized the polarizing voices of politics and religion to be the most vocal bully on the block. Misinformation and fear have always been powerful tools in any hands.

So there you go.  I never wanted to talk politics here in Cyrsti's Condo but I did and do. It's important to to take a stand and it's important for all of you to do the same. The problem is, the complex issues facing us have no easy answer and no dynamic leadership to offer us clear cut hope.

The true tragedy occurs when we can't talk about it!

Please go here to see the comments!

Getting Frisky!

One of the so called "civilian sites" I visit on a regular basis is theFrisky.  As you may recall, I pull the Cyrsti's Condo  "Horror Scope" from them as well as occasional fashion and other "girl stuffs". theFrisky also is not shy in running transgender and transsexual related material also.
Their latest post that caught my attention was called :
"Mommie Dearest: Let’s Talk About The Difference Between ‘Sex’ & ‘Gender’"

Check out this radical thinking:


"Someone’s sex doesn’t necessarily dictate their gender. A person can be assigned the female gender at birth based on their sexual organs, but be of the male gender. That’s why when somebody gleefully posts their baby-to-be’s “gender,” I bristle a little at the assumption. Now, I’m certainly not advocating for raising up our babies as gender-less, but I don’t see what’s wrong about thinking a bit more critically about all of this. It’s worth thinking about deeply: why are we so obsessed as a culture when it comes to the sex of our babies? Will we treat them any differently based on what’s between their legs?

Unfortunately, various studies have shown that we actually do. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to know a baby’s sex. I get it. We’re a society that feels comfortable and safe when things are easily defined and labeled. However, when this need to know starts the basis of a lifetime’s worth of gender indoctrination, then we have a problem. If you think strict gender codification with babies isn’t a real thing, think again. I have no issue with allowing little girls to be girls or little boys to be boys, but when we put so much pressure on defining them based on their sex right from the start, we make it that much harder for those who stray outside those narrow boxes. Let’s give our kids the space to figure out for themselves what they want to be and love them unconditionally no matter what."

Of course I jest, those of us who do our best to live as a transgender person in a binary gender world just love her thinking. Better yet though, you have civilians such as theFrisky preaching our gospel!  Good for them! We need all the positive preaching we can get!

Follow the link above and you too can "get Frisky"!