Friday, September 10, 2021

The Path

 Over the years of writing Cyrsti's Condo, among other things, I have discovered how similar yet different our paths become as we pursue the quest to live as our authentic selves. I have no way to really confirm this but I feel (from the comments I receive) many readers are of the approximate age I am. So I can compare my story with yours. 

Cluttered office-Cluttered mind. 
Photo courtesy Cyrsti Hart
If you did grow up in the pre internet dark ages, you don't need me to remind you how lonely the time was. I spent years thinking I had to be the only boy who wanted to be a girl. I did the best I could by trying to compete in male activities such as sports as I over compensated  for my feelings. 

Perhaps (like Connie) you followed a similar path or on the other hand you were bullied growing up. Neither with good results. At the least, we all turned into survivors. I made it through with my small precious "stash" of girls clothes and make up. When the very few times my parents and brother were gone, I managed to cross dress out of my boring boy clothes and into my exciting feminine garments. Unfortunately, the more I was able to escape the doldrums of being male, the more I wanted to be a girl. Little did I know, I was a girl cross dressing as a boy. 

Of course back in those days too, no one really knew much about being transgender and/or gender dysphoria. I am sure many of you remember how long it took to stop the medical world from calling us mentally ill. Our parents, far from being understanding to begin with, had little or no information to help us if they wanted to. My parents being from the WWII generation were long on material support and short on emotional help.

Perhaps also as life progressed you took the military or marriage road out to "making you a man." Predictably with less than stellar results. I was in the Army, served three years all along wishing I was in a dress. The fortunate ones among us ended up with supportive spouses and family when we entered the world as our true selves. So many aren't so lucky. 

As we age, ironically, the path doesn't become any easier. Now we face the harsh reality of assisted care living. All it takes is one or two misguided individuals to force you back into the closet you worked so hard to escape from.

Yes the path is rocky but no one ever said crossing the gender frontier was going to be easy. Look at it this way. When you make it, perhaps you make the journey easier for the next transgender person in line.   

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