Dealing from the Middle of the Gender Deck

Following yet another tragic burst of violence which killed many in California this time, I read with interest more than a few views of how genetic women felt about the attack.  If you hadn't heard, female rejection was stated as one of the main causes of the random violence.  Many times, when I'm looking for a genetic feminine written reaction to a tragedy such as this, theFrisky site usually never lets me down.  This time the site ran a post called "Not All Men Are Dangerous, But Yes, Women Do Live In Fear Of Elliot Rodger's Fury."

We have discussed here in Cyrsti's Condo, the serious need to be increasingly aware of how our world as we transition. How we need to learn how to be extra safe in it as MtF transgender women or cross dressers. This last incident though is extra scary to me partly from all my life experiences dealing from the middle of the gender deck.

As a guy, I knew a few other guys who were flat out scary in any number of ways.  I had a dishwasher in one of the big restaurant kitchens I ran who I told regularly "when he blew up and headed to his car for a gun to shoot the rest of the cooks who harassed him-give me five extra steps to get out the back door."  It got to the point of when I told him something to do, I asked. It's only now I'm beginning to learn what women feel like on a much broader spectrum.

Toss in the fact, that anyone and everyone seems to be able to come up with a semi automatic weapon in this country and the world becomes even more scarier.

I remember vividly the days when I was searching the dating sites for even just a friend. What I found from the male side of aisle were mostly who thought somehow I was desperate for their company, or the ones who only wanted to meet me in an out of the way motel where their wife wouldn't find out.  I did set up very public dates with a few-ended up being stood up more times than not and pretty much just gave it up.  I can't say some of those guys I didn't meet weren't like the ticking time bomb Elliot Rodger was.

Obviously, I was never the guy Rodgers' was and luckily only knew a select few that were.  I can understand the headline though and resent it because of what it says about men.  On the other hand, more and more now, I can see why women are thinking it.

Genetic Females Presenting as Women

Recently on one of the thousand of television shows I watch, I heard the comment "She's a female but that doesn't make her a woman" Unless I was missing something, a genetic woman said it. So true it is.

Since that time, I have been bouncing around the idea of another post in my noggin called "Are Genetic Women Human Too?"

Let's see if I can toss them both into the Cyrsti's Condo kitchen blender and see if anything good comes out.

The last time I looked both genders are human!  I knew all that college biology I almost flunked would come back to help me! YAY!  OK, back to the blender. Females aren't necessarily women but yes they are still human. Now, lets toss in some spices from our culture. Both are fairly rare, so we may have to use a lot!

The first spice is a little gritty and comes from the base of a pedestal.  As I jump around the never never land of the Internet, I still am dazzled by the sisters in my culture who hoist females up on a pedestal for worship purposes. Certainly females are the "keepers of the flame" currently in our race because of their birthing ability. Past that kids, the days of wives in suburbia living fairy tale lives are gone and females are out in the world competing hard to make it.  But if want to put them in your bubble bath world- that's cool.  This is a large pedestal so the little bit of it we use won't affect it's stability.

The second spice is also so very rare and maybe a little sweet if you find it. The spice is the very mystical "if I could find a woman to show me "the ropes" of a feminine existence, I could shortcut the real learning process, and get to the "promised land."

As you could tell, I may be a tad jaded in my assessment of the spices needed so I'm going to add an extra helping of chocolate to flavor our drink.

Now, unless you are as scattered as I am, you need a bit of translation. Very simply female is a birth issue, woman is a lifestyle choice.  The same as being born male but your transgender noggin is screaming NO! Secondly, females or women do come from another planet than men but it is not the pink warm and fuzzy world you put up on a pedestal and proclaim undying loyalty to. And finally, there are a few of the magical mystery women willing to take you to the other side. You may live with one and bless her heart! Unfortunately from my perch here in the "web-o-sphere" the spousal response I hear most about is "Take your dresses and the next sound you will hear will be from my divorce lawyer."

So there you go. I hope you enjoyed your beverage.  On occasion I try to "bundle" several thoughts and tie them in with feedback I get here in Cyrsti's Condo and a couple other places I participate in.  The final parting thought I can leave you with is: the next time you are out and feeling really insecure about yourself as a woman-take heart, there could be plenty of females around you feeling the same about themselves.

Now have some class and quit making noise sucking on that straw!

Girl Talk

Every once in awhile I still encounter the occasional person who thinks all women are sweet, shy beings. Some are of course but this rather X rated comment I heard today from a reality television show showed the not so soft feminine side: (between two 20 something women) " you can take the victim tampon out of your ass"!

I tried to manage rather large groups of female servers for years during my days in the restaurant biz. I would have loved to have heard it then and am surprised I didn't hear it from my female managerial cohorts.

The experience turned out to provide wonderful lessons I needed to start down my transgender path. Primarily,  never forget to beware of the "claws" when you jump into the feminine cat box.

Road Princess

The reality of the last seven days was overshadowed by the place I was headed. I had no idea of what was to occur.
Let me lay out some details.

Photo by Liz T

First of all we were going down to New Orleans on a tour bus which is an approximate 12 hour trip on the road with nearly 20 other peeps older than even I. The good part of the experience is we were on a bus and the bad part was we were on a bus. I was able to spend mega time with my girl friend and see parts of the country I wasn't familiar with. Some of the country I want to see again. Some I don't. I had the feeling that parts of Alabama and Mississippi haven't seen many transgender folk. A bus rolling down the road doesn't present a problem but rest room stops obviously do. Also it's tough to blend with a group of 70 something women headed into a rest stop. Plus the first task was to win them over. I don't labor under any impression they viewed me as a card carrying genetic woman but I'm fairly sure the discussion over what I really was and my relationship with my girlfriend was. That of course didn't bother me and by the time the trip was over I was accepted by most as a de facto woman. Oddly, the acceptance showed me how far I have come down my transgender path and how far I have to go. I learned why reputable therapists and SRS centers want you to live as a woman or man before you go down a surgical path of no return.

On later posts (for all you statisticians) I will break down my perceptions of the public perception of me and no I didn't forget the basis of this all: Mardi Gras itself. I can only say the event is everything I thought it would me and more and so is the city of New Orleans itself. They do a fabulous job. Returning to the city itself reinforced how much I love the food, music and architecture. On the dark side, examples of the terrible devastation of hurricane Katrina are still evident. I can't vouch for other huge parties but I believe Mardi Gras lives up to it's reputation as one of the best. I'm far from a tour guide but I do have more than a couple ideas of how to navigate the area now and can't wait to go back.

I will use this quote often: "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat" because it describes my trip. My girlfriend gave me a journal to jot down ideas and I have plenty to cover and they are coming up here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Pieces of the Puzzle

Every once in  while here in Cyrsti's Condo I get excited and do a little housekeeping. I was going through a few of the old posts which described my first visit to a hair stylist and the resulting benefits.
As I said at the time, being able to go natural with my own hair was huge!
The whole experience was similar to finding a huge piece of my transgender puzzle. I was to discover quickly the benefits and drawbacks of finally being able to wear my own hair. Of course there was the sensuality. Whether or not women know the effect a simple twist of their hair has on some men is up for speculation but at the least the simple twist has an effect on them.
The other end of the spectrum is the time and effort hair requires. A part of me didn't believe I would have to schedule monthly salon visits to hide my gray, cut the split ends and trim my bangs. All of the sudden, I'm shopping for different shampoos, combs, brushes and hair dryers.
As all my genetic female friends say "welcome to our world"!
I can only say, thanks for the welcome and I love it here!
Ironically, the funniest part of all of this is when I try to take my hair off!

It's a Slippery Transgender Slope

Just when we think we are making real strides as transgender women, here comes a story from Iowa that demeans women everywhere trans or not.

You have probably heard the story of the dental hygienist who was fired sometime ago by a male dentist who said essentially :"she was too attractive." The case worked it's way to the Iowa Supreme court (all male) who upheld her termination. A few of the details in the termination included the role of the dentist's wife who also worked in the office as well as a few of the definite sexual harassment quotes from the Doc himself.

I suppose the "rad fems" would point out this case is a stark example of losing "male privilege" when we transition.  Then again if you have spent anytime in the world as a transgender woman- you had to know what you were walking into. Here are a few of the realities. (Be aware I'm writing in broad strokes you don't want me to write a thousand words here).

If you like it or not, you suffer an intelligence loss as a female. Questions all of the sudden get routed around you. Your space changes as you step aside for a guy to walk by and most surprising to me was how men reach over you and get too close. So DUH femme nazi's, most of us figure it comes with the territory and adapt. Blah, blah, blah... We trans folks are adaptable critters.

Every once in awhile though a story like the one in Iowa comes along which does graphically show how far women (either genetic or trans) still have to travel. Let's be careful out there girls. If you transition too well, not only do you have to fear for your safety on the streets- you will have to fear for your job too.

Bored

This weekend, I was feeling a little under the weather so I just stuck around the house and got bored.
As some of you know, you can pass a lot of time surfing the web.
From time to time I have followed the Rad Femme vs Trans Woman blasts which truly I have found very much pointless. I mean, who cares what they think?
Like I said, I was bored and ran across another version of the appeal competition between trans and genetic women and the male gender. A chance for some cheap fun!
Also, I neglected to mention a Rad Femme believes any man is the man who has always kept his foot on the throat of woman since birth-No matter how many operations a person may undergo.
Whatever....
I just mentioned didn't the whole discussion give the male gender a victory if this Rad Femme site was discussing competing for their attention?
The result was I was told I would be given a first time pass for my response because I was certainly "under read".
Why do people always take cheap shots about my 8th grade ed-u-ca-tun?
At least when I get accepted to Oxford in the UK, I can wear a skirt now.
Then what will the Rad Femme's say then? Yawn.