Cyrsti's Condo

  Image from Noah Grossenbacher on UnSplash You don't know what you don't know is so appropriate when it comes to describing a lengthy transgender transition.  Similar to anybody else, I had my predetermined ideas of the steps I would need to go through.  Very early on, I was so involved in looking the part I failed to realize all the other intangibles I would face along the way.  My all encompassing desire to be an attractive woman many times would lead to huge fights with my second wife. She was a very strong, down to earth woman who accepted my cross dressing desires but drew the line at any idea I was transgender. Since she didn't wear much makeup at all, she was fond of calling me the "Pretty, Pretty Princess"  when I put the time and effort into being the most attractive woman  I could be. I got my revenge when we were going to an event where she needed to wear makeup and she was forced to turn to me for guidance.  What I didn't realize how much my old m

Image from Shalomi Platzman  on UnSplash   First of all, I never have participated in any sort of track and field events at all. So jumping anything, especially at my age is impossible. In my life, however, I have faced many invisible barriers when it came to being a transgender woman.  The first barriers were self imposed as were many later in life. The main self imposed barrier I faced was my struggle to free myself from my mirrors who were the only way for me to reinforce my femininity. Sadly, the mirrors had a way of lying to me. No matter how I really looked, the mirror told me I was attractive. When I started to explore the world as my true gender self, I was greeted with many rude awakenings on my true appearance. Trashy, even clownish came to mind when I went out in the world. Fortunately, the negative feedback I received helped me to resolve to do better with my appearance. Slowly but surely I was able to build a small wardrobe of feminine clothes which helped to flatter what

Image from Karla Herandez on  UnSplash Every once in a while I see a transgender sister in my age bracket being hassled for starting to transition later in life.  Since I didn't begin a very serious gender transition until I was in my early sixties, I feel their pain when someone mentions they aren't trans enough. For some reason, the person applying the pressure to be transgender enough doesn't realize why the transitioning person felt the need to wait before seriously going down their gender path. There are many reasons. Primarily, life gets in the way. Examples are many and simple such as families which come along as well as friends and employment.  I was guilty of considering all of those as I put off finally transitioning. Plus, it was true on occasion, I did enjoy the benefits of attaining a certain level of success in my largely unwanted male world. By male standards I was bringing home a better than average income while I became fairly proficient at managing larger

  Image from the Jessie Hart Collection Recently I went with my wife Liz to her latest Doctor's appointment. As I waited I was able to see and judge several genetic or cis women.  It is a past- time I have developed over my many years studying all sorts of women as I transitioned. Along the way I so envied women for many different reasons. Before I transitioned and began to live full time in a feminine world, I over simplified what I observed from other women. In other words, I was seeing the totality in what I observed in the woman's world. Not the overall layers which went on behind the scenes.  An example was when I noticed a younger woman this morning with a head of curly beautiful hair. Since now I have an idea of all the necessary steps a woman with long hair has to go through for maintenance, I immediately had more respect for the woman I noticed.  Over the years of changing my gender presentation, hair was not the only part of a woman I noticed. Of course there were the

Image Courtesy Renith R on UnSplash  Years ago I felt the need to attempt to copy many of the most popular feminine mannerisms and/or activities I could find. This is a fun post describing one of those activities I was able to indirectly join in on.  At the restaurant I was managing at the time during lunch we had several women come in for a late lunch and a cocktail (or two). During the warmer times of the year they were avid tennis fans and came in with their very sexy short tennis outfits. Of course, at the time, I wanted my own tennis outfit and be able to go out and show off my legs.  What happened was, by total accident, I was able to piece together a passable (I thought) tennis outfit with everything in white excluding a tennis racket I didn't have or want. Since I had never really tried to play tennis at all. What happened was I found an all white, lite weight mini dress as a starter point. With it I was able to find all white tennis shoes which were very inexpensive in my

On a Good Adventure in  Columbus from the Jessie Hart Archives  As a transgender woman of a few years, I have a tendency to look back at my life. When I do, often the positive memories out number the negative ones. Of course I remember the benefits of being younger and potentially more attractive.  I had substantially fewer wrinkles as we all do when we are younger but on the negative side, I had more and darker beard growth.  These days I can get away for the occasional close shave every couple of days with no electrolysis ever.  Then there were all the other days when I seemingly wanted to force my way out of my closet by making very bad fashion choices and ended up being ridiculed by a discerning public. For years I was sure all the public was just looking at me. Heading home extremely depressed to the point of crying most certainly were not the good old days. As with anything else in life, I needed to learn the hard way on how to properly face the public as a feminine transgender w

As I went through many years of being a cross dresser, I knew time was running short ( I was sixty) if I was ever going to make the big jump to living as a full time transgender woman. As life went on, two major ideas set in.. Perhaps the hardest one was facing my own mortality and knowing I had lived longer than I was going to live in the future. The writing on the wall was telling me I was entering my senior years and time was growing short for any major lifetime changes such as a gender change. Of course changing my gender involved the possibility of losing friends and family as well as my financial livelihood.  Photo from the Jessie  Hart Collection  The second major factor in changing my gender closet was how natural I felt when I was out of my old dark and lonely closet. Somehow the gender euphoria which flooded over me when I was out and about presenting as a woman was a feeling I had a difficult time expressing. Because there was no one to tell how I was feeling. At the time, m

  Image from Karla Hernandez  on UnSplash We transgender women and trans men have always encountered plenty of dilemmas as we complete our gender transition, or attempt to. Most of us have friends, family and jobs to consider. Sadly we are considered to be selfish as we pursue our gender goals. Ironically there is truth to the selfish idea because we often need to address our most inner souls to find a path. We found muses were difficult to find. Dilemmas were everywhere. I know one of my biggest drawbacks to transitioning earlier was trying to figure out how I would support myself. Most certainly I would have had to quit the well paying, hard earned male career I had managed to carve out. None of it seemed fair but who said life had to be fair? As I quote my parents who were fond of telling me just that when I didn't want to do something they wanted me to do. Another huge dilemma came when I needed to learn the new basics of presenting and appearing realistically as possible in my

 During my errands this morning, I heard the "Jet" song "Do you Wanna be my Girl." If you aren't familiar, the lead singer mentions his lust interest in the song as having long blond hair and long legs. Back in the day, I tried my best to look the same way as I wore my skirts too short and matched them with a long blond wig. Through it all, I certainly wasn't having any music written about me. Ironically I was doing all the wrong things fashion wise as I supposedly didn't want to attract any attention and blend in with the world. My problem was I was presenting to attract men and not blend in with the other women around me.  Girls Night Out from the Jessie Hart Collection I'm seated in Stripes on Left As I look back at my life, I see how often and desperately I wanted to be my own girl. Way back in high school after I was turned down yet again asking a girl on a date, I would run home and if possible shave my legs, put on a pair of pantyhose , apply

 From "BeLatina.com": Latinas continue to break barriers, and we at BELatina are proud to see actresses from our community  step forward  to be the representation that is so lacking in television. This time we celebrate the news that Latina trans actress Talisa García  will join  the cast of the Disney+ series “Willow,” becoming the first trans actress chosen by Lucasfilm. As reported by  Screen Rant , García will play a queen and the mother of Tony Revolori’s lead character in the upcoming Disney+ series, “Willow.” Lucasfilm’s decision to cast García is not only historic for the production company but the first time in Disney history that an openly trans person will play a cisgender role.