A Genderless Journey

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Jessie Hart
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Recently I needed to take our car to the oil change place to get the transmission fluid replaced. 

In the past I have written concerning my paranoia of going to male dominated places. Since normally I am the only feminine person at the oil change place, the usual paranoia set in. The last time I was there, I was called "Ma'am" several times and had no gender problems so I did not really expect anything else this time. 

To prepare, I shaved closely, put on my foundation and contour blush with lipstick and was ready to go after tying my long hair back. Off I went to get the car serviced hoping I would not be mis-gendered. 

It turned out all my paranoia was baseless. I was treated with respect and not referred to as sir. Plus it turned out the whole process needed much more work than a simple oil change. So the manager was very much involved in the process. At times, he was so involved I wondered if he was trying to impress me. He even went as far as helping me turn off the "perform maintenance soon warning" off. Maybe I was the recipient of female privilege. Or, I needed help and he volunteered. 

Very soon the process was over and I was free to go (after I paid) and it was time to go through the drive thru of our favorite coffee place for a treat. The pressure was off and once again I wondered why I got so worried about going at all. Looking back, I have never experienced any negative feedback when I have gone to male dominated spaces. I guess I am afraid of being taken advantage of. When most of the time the opposite has happened. For the most part, men have bent over backwards to help me.

Maybe I will never change but I doubt it because the transition scars  run too deep. My gender dysphoria ran too deep as a transgender woman. It could be time to change my own oil.