Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Brazilian Trans Beauty Pageant

Transgender Beauty in Brazil

Thanks Michelle-Halloween II-not the Movie

Michelle commented on my "Halloween Post"

" Sorry to disagree, but I have NEVER tried any sort of "drag" halloween costume. It has ALWAYS been a big joke for halloween when any male dresses as ANY form of female. Halloween is my favorite holiday because I put on a huge display in my yard for the neighborhood. Except that hurricane Sandy killed that this year. I have had very sincere friends ask if I had ever done "drag" before and I NEVER have. I NEVER want my female presentation to be even the slightest fodder for humor. This is my life and it is not funny in any way."

 Number one...I agree with you too. I guess I should have offered a little more information.

 My costumes were never designed as being "drag".  Looking back on all the experiences, most were an attempt at presenting myself as a convincing women to the public for the first times in my life.
Ironically, I met my first wife at a Halloween party and ended up coming out to her a couple weeks later and she is the mother of my daughter who so accepts me today. My second wife and I's first big date or so was a Halloween block party. At yet another party, I was approached by a fledgling politician and wife to "go partying with them" at a few other places. That was after they found out I was a guy. They didn't know. Of course he went on to a long and successful political career. They went to Washington and no I didn't go with them.
Another time Halloween happened to fall during a week I was out of town training for a new job and I went to a big straight club's party to see how well it would go and I seemed to fit in quite well. After all, if I was spotted as a guy in heels and mini- it was my costume! Outside of hands straying places on my rear as I walked through the crowded room- the only major reaction was from the girl at the door who carded me.

Halloween just offered me a door to get out and see what I was about...I went to the parties to see how well I could do as a girl and found there was a chance...

Back to you Michelle, I have often wished I too could enjoy Halloween more for the fun although I did used to do some real scary haunted houses as a Santa with a chain saw character.
By the way, your "two cents" is worth quite a bit more!

It's just that I never wanted my presentation to be one of humor either...and it turned out it wasn't!

The True Meaning of Halloween

Yes, it is the official Halloween.
Time to look at the defacto top annual holiday of most trans and cross dressers  I have known-including me.
Unless you are one the transsexuals who knew from an early youth without a doubt who you were in the gender world, Halloween presented a rite of passage for most of the rest of us.
Parties of course provided the chance for us to open the door and check out the world from a gender perspective we had only dreamed of. Some of us were sly and even used the opportunity to have genetic women around us unknowingly "show them the ropes" leading to the night of their dreams.
Countless others of us learned how those sexy heels you just had to wear became very uncomfortable- as much so as explaining how long it took to shave your legs and who did your makeup.
But through it all, so many of us just knew this felt more than good- it felt right.
The true meaning of Halloween!

I Ru The Day

Very few things make me recoil as bad as RuPaul. To me the "thing" represents a huge part of what I'm fighting against as a transgender women in today's society and specifically in the LGB world.
Ever the one to joke at our expense to make a ratings point or an extra buck...the thing did it again last night:

Last night, October 29th 2012, on RuPaul’s All Star’s Drag Race, gay male entertainer RuPaul once again used his show as a bully pulpit to mock and misrepresent what the medical condition transsexualism actually is, despite the last few years of transsexual and transgender advocates protesting his use of offensive pejoratives such as “tra**y” and “she-male” . Comedienne Vicki Lawrence asked, “Hey Ru, what’s the difference between a drag queen and a transsexual?” RuPaul laughingly replies, “About twenty-five thousand dollars and a good surgeon.” Ha ha Pauly...old joke buddy...ha ha...have a sense of humor Cyrsti. I do. But I'm tired of this jerk even having a platform to open his clueless mouth at the expense of us. This fake makes my skin crawl and has for a while!

.Here's what you can do.
 1: BOYCOTT RuPaul’s Drag Race: - Urge your friends and family to stop watching this show -
 Post MAGNET’s boycott announcment in your social networking sites and email to ally groups: Link
2: JOIN CONVERSATION: - Join Facebook Group: ‘Boycott RuPaul’s Bullying, Transsexual-phobia & Misgendering’ :
 3: WRITE & CALL RuPaul & His Production Company, World of Wonder Productions: - EMAIL World of Wonder Productions CEOs Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey: Barbato: Bailey: - ADDRESS (World of Wonder): 6650 Hollywood Blvd # 400. Hollywood, CA, 90028. - TELEPHONE (World of Wonder): 323-603-6300

 For more information/press inquiries: Contact MAGNET: Media Advocates Giving National Equality to Transsexual & Transgender People (MAGNET) is an anti-defamation organization dedicated to educating the media about transsexual, transgender & intersex issues, as well as pushing for more authentic and positive portrayals of transsexual, transgender & intersex people in the media.

I would call for boycotts or protests of Vicki Lawrence's career but if she is on with thing there is nothing left of her career to boycott.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Stepping Up In India

Kalki Subramaniam is a journalist, writer, actor and activist. She holds two masters: in Journalism and Mass Communication and International Relations. Now, she is an entrepreneur. She is also a transgender. That makes her, she says, India's first transgender entrepreneur. recently published an interview with this great transgender role model. Read it here.

Trans Kids Update

Way back in the year of the force 2007, Barbara Walters and ABC produced a show which focused on the lives of transgender children such as Jazz (above).
From Transgriot:

"This Friday Barbara will visit the trans kids and their families that were interviewed for that 2007 show and find out what is transpiring in their lives five years later. One of those adorable trans kids was Jazz, and she'll be part of this broadcast. It's slated to be televised November 2 from 10-11 PM EDT on your local ABC station. It is sweeps month, so count on the trans themed programming to flood the airwaves for a few weeks."

Monica Roberts (Transgriot) has the videos from the previous shows here.

Is the Transsexual Grass Greener?

Every now and then we see a story where a transsexual person has decided the "change" wasn't for them and want to try to move back to their birth gender. Normally they are older people and even the most insensitive of us all are right to think "well good luck". When the extreme gender dysphoria occurs in a younger person then my heart goes out to them.
From the UK and Parent Dish comes the story of Ria Cooper:

"Britain's youngest sex-swap patient has decided she want to go back to being a boy – because she experiences too many mood swings as a girl. Ria Cooper, 18, from Hull, has had thousands of pounds worth of NHS treatment involving hormonal injections to turn her from a boy into a girl. But the hormones affected her so badly that she attempted suicide twice. Ria, formerly known as Brad, lives her life as a female. She has developed breasts, wears her hair in a feminine bob and has dated several young men. But now she questions whether she was too young to be allowed to swap sexes in the first place."

She started hormone treatment when she was 17, making her the youngest ever patient in the UK to receive such treatment. But she says her decision has had disastrous consequences. She has fallen out with family, got into dangerous situations with men and even worked as a prostitute. She is booked in for the full transgender operation in January but now says she will no longer go ahead with it. She said: "I just can't be what I want to be. My mum Elaine loves and supports me as much as she can, yet she doesn't allow me to live at home any more. My dad barely speaks to me and says I'm an embarrassment. "I think as the only boy in the family he thought I'd follow him into the steel business and pictured us working out together at the gym. "Obviously it s not turned out like that. I don't know who I can trust as friends. I feel really, really alone." The Sunday Mirror said that critics warned two years ago that Ria's tender years meant she was too young to make the decision to become a woman."

All of this begs the question, where does she go now? No family or friends? Hopefully this publicity will enable her to reach out to people who can really help her.

Quote of the Day

"It's a great plan till someone punches you in the face."   Mike Tyson
Words to live by from a great philosopher!

Are We All Transgender Activists?

In this age of extreme media in every area of our lives it's easy to be a trans activist- or be confused with one.
Then again, what exactly defines a trans activist? Let's use transgender broadcaster Eden Lane as an example.
She was interviewed recently by Michelangelo Signorile:

“Once in a while, I may be asked to identify myself and make a statement in a certain way, I think that would undermine the meaning of my work, not just for my work's sake, but for the very reason they're wanting to identify me as a transgender broadcaster. If I were to make political statements, then that undermines my credibility as a journalist. And if that's the point, that I'm a journalist first, and that people are tuning in to watch my program not because I'm talking exclusively about LGBT issues, but all sorts of things, then for me to step up and try to be a political figure would undermine that work and really rob us all of a chance to have a different kind of example available.”

So of course in certain circles in the transgender community I have seen Eden criticized for not being a trans activist...Really? Isn't she the type of positive example we all need? She is a non stealth person just living her life as a real person-the perfect activist!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Take Care!

If you international friends don't know, a whole bunch of the USA is getting hammered hard by a combo monster hurricane mixed with an Artic cold front.
My message is to all of you in the grasp of Sandy, I wish you the best.
I'm on the very edge of it here in Southwest Ohio and we are still expecting 50 MPH winds.
Hopefully, Sandy will be nicer to you than expected- thinking about you!

Katie Goes National

Katie and Mom
We posted an article here in Cyrsti's Condo about a young transgender woman named Katie some time ago. Here's part of it:

Katie and Arin
"This is "Katie" on the left trying on a bracelet with her mother.
As you probably guessed since I'm blogging about her, Katie used to be "Luke".From the "Tulsa World" comes Katie's story.. Katie grew up with three other brothers and a Marine officer Dad.

Here's an excerpt from the story that just blew me away! Just in time for Mother's Day. Mom..."I was expecting (Luke) to sit me down and say, 'Mom, I'm gay,' " Jazzlyn recalled. Instead, at age 15, Luke told her: "I'm not gay, Mom. I'm transgender." Her reaction: "A trans-what? I had prepared myself for 13, 14 years that my son was gay. And now I'm thinking, 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'?" They cried."

Tonight Katie was one of the featured stories on the Inside Edition entertainment news show. It turns out she has completed SRS at the age of 18 and is a beautiful young woman with an handsome young trans man friend Arin.

Follow the link above for more and oh yes, Dad accepts her now!

Horror Scope!

Well, quite the "Non Halloween" Horror scope here in Cyrsti's Condo!
Your week is going to be all sunshine and rainbows, so live it up! Get out there and prance under the stars. Your energy will be perfect for attracting miracles and beauty everywhere you are, if you place yourself out beyond your normal stomping grounds. Just be prudent with whom you hang though, because although feelings will start out intense, they can also end as powerfully.

 Then again, I still have an invite to a late Halloween party out of town this Saturday!

Go get your Horror Scope from theFrisky   here.

  Chaps Embellished Empire Dress - Women'S Plus (Google Affiliate Ad)

Cis Privilege?

On occasion I recommend and quote from a really good blog I follow called Ask Matt.  Matt Kailey is a trans man but never really limits his scope to men and includes trans women too.

The more we all start to venture out into the public we naturally seek acceptance or some sort of understanding from other human types. This is often very difficult to find even from "friends" in our own LGBT "community" as seen in this comment from a FAAB (female-assigned at birth) genderqueer individual who is also gay  This person got a kick in the gut from very good friends (four lesbians, one gay guy) when they completely slammed the whole trans umbrella:

 “They essentially said that they do not believe that trans women belong in spaces such as the women’s group at the LGBT center, and same for trans men with the men’s group. I asked where I fit, and they were like, ‘You have a vagina, don’t you? With the women, duh.’ I felt like my entire identity was invalidated in that moment by the last people who should be doing that. “But then they made what some would consider a valid point: trans women grew up with male privilege, and that is something cis women have never had. Trans women wouldn’t know anything about menstruation and other issues that happen in that department that cis women want to discuss."

I am passing along a very short excerpt from the post and an equally short portion of Matt's answer. After which, I will give you the link for more.

"The reality is that most gay men and lesbians understand about as much about trans issues (and probably about as much about genderqueer issues) as non-trans, straight people (and those with a binary gender identity) do. Your friends probably don’t even realize that they hurt you, misgendered you, and pretty much discounted and/or trivialized your entire sense of yourself. What this demonstrates is not necessarily that your friends don’t care about you. What it demonstrates is that they can’t wrap their heads around who you are. They don’t understand your identity, they can’t relate to it, and they might not be all that interested in trying – or they might be."

The entire post is here.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I'm Not Worthy!

MULIEBRAL it a real quote and what does it mean?

"I doesn't know it!!!!"

But if you are curious...go here then be prepared to take your time- this woman is one of us and can pump out some wordage-way beyond my fourth grade attention and "edication" level!

Women and Halloween

Julie and Susan
Well kids, of course it is "Boo!" time in my part of the world and it's positively HUGE. Around these parts Halloween is right behind Christmas as the biggest holiday. Of course everyone is talking about it finally taking some of the heat off the election babble. (and the coming hurricane which we are fortunate enough to miss most of)
I heard an interesting radio talk show this afternoon with a male and female host talking back and forth about how women approach Halloween.
She started of course by saying how the costume dynamic was so much different for women...duh! The best comment was how many of her friends spend an eternity buying underwear for their costume everyone would see. Plus, lets not forget men don't have to worry about the pain and suffering of walking around in 4 inch heels for five hours.
Then in ever so subtly in typical femme speak she slipped in the phrase "maybe all that work is what makes it fun".

Hi Naomi

I just added "What about Naomi" to the blog roll here in Cyrsti's Condo.
Welcome Naomi! Her blog features a real life look into the complex gender transition process.

Empty Calories

Empty calories at a Halloween drag show?
Very much so last night for me at least. To begin with, lets describe "empty calories" as that 99 cent value burger you ate for lunch and were hungry less than two hours later.
To set the scene, last night was one of the only nights I considered myself in drag for years. Pulled out the BIG Drag Queen hair, boots and overall just slutted it up...and had a great time. I received some ego building compliments and even was called Gloria Estefan. Believe me, I'm not going to insult her and say that was true in anyway shape or form.
All of this took me back to my younger days when going to drag shows and garnering any attention at all was my life. I called it " Running with the Queens". Time after time I would do it, get the buzz go home and crash to the bottom quickly- empty calories.
Something was wrong.  Sure, as a human type being I crave pleasure. I understood all of this but dammit why the deep empty feeling in my soul? Wasn't I helping my gender situation? How difficult could this cross dressing thing be anyhow?
Well, no I wasn't helping.  The best you could say was I was biding my time until I came to grips on what was really going on inside me. The true story was watching a bunch of cross dressers watch a bunch of drag queens wasn't really me.  My inner girl was hollering "No you idiot!" Ha Ha, who listens to women anyhow?
You see, I'm tough and stubborn -or just stubborn beyond a fault and it takes me years sometimes to actually grasp my own reality and then put it to words. For all I know, there could be another me in the cyber world who says hey! she's right!!! Number one, I'm sorry I compared any of you with me but if I can help- count me in!
So I'm happy I went and thanks to the friends who invited me and I plan on doing it again BUT I'm sure all you purists are thinking - if she is living female, is this fun really called doing drag?
Duh! No it's not but it's my warm and fuzzy moment of realization and I'm sticking to it!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Unfit To Serve?

As previously mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo,  transgender Army veteran Allyson Robinson was named to head the  Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) and OutServe, the association of actively serving LGBT military personnel.

 Robinson assumes the post as the two organizations are slated to finalize their combination this weekend. A native of Scranton, Pa., Robinson is a 1994 graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point, where she majored in physics. After an internship at Los Alamos National Laboratory, she was commissioned as an officer in the Army and commanded PATRIOT missile units in Europe and the Middle East. She also served as a senior trainer/evaluator for NATO and as an advisor to the armed forces of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Qatar.

I know I'm speaking to the choir here but somehow I'm thinking transgender service people such as Allyson might just ruin all the stereotypes the U.S. Military has for refusing to let us serve.

Friday, October 26, 2012


Recently it seems I have spent a lot of time here in Cyrsti's Condo discussing the Veterans Administration.
Not too long ago I exchanged emails with Jessica from France and she asked what the VA was? OK, I'm a dope sometimes and forget the world wide web is indeed world wide.
Very simply, my definition of the VA is that it is a branch of the U.S. Government entrusted with the welfare of military veterans following discharge.
My journey with the VA started a year ago and currently is finally at the point I call my "second level" of hormone therapy. Simply, I want to increase the dosage of the meds I'm on to expediate my feminization process.
I believe all of that will happen and now are starting to look at level three.
Level three is having the VA change my gender markers. So far it hasn't been that big a deal but it will be.
When it is, already I owe a huge debt of gratitude to trans vets such as Autumn Sandeen. 
This year she has tested this basic VA Directive:

"Effective immediately, to change the gender on VA medical records, a vet must simply provide a letter from a physician certifying that the vet has changed genders and has had appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition. To be clear, the physician’s letter does not need to certify that some specific surgery or any particular medical procedure has been completed – only appropriate clinical care for the individual veteran as determined by the physician.”...BUT!

In testing the policy she found that one couldn’t change one’s sex marker as easily as the new healthcare policy was supposed to make it. So October 2011, I filed an appeal with the VA challenging the denial of my request for a sex marker change...AND

That appeal was the tool NCTE and the VA used to clarify the policy. So March, the VA identified what kind of documents would be acceptable for changing one’s sex marker. I had applied fall 2011 with the kind of documents the VA identified as acceptable in their March policy clarification. Yet, the new policy didn’t impact my ability to change my sex marker: my appeal was still pending. As of Oct.15 – almost a year to the day after filing my appeal – I was sent a letter from the VA. My appeal was resolved in my favor. Per the letter, sometime within the next thirty calendar days the VA will change my sex marker from male to female.

Because of transgender veterans such as Autumn pushing the system, my path becomes so much clearer and hopefully easier. Just saying I have a debt of gratitude doesn't seem enough.

Go here to read more.

Trans Woman Picked

From BuzzFeed Politics:

"The new head of the country’s leading LGBT military organization is Allyson Robinson, a former commissioned officer in the Army who most recently worked at the Human Rights Campaign on workplace issues. Robinson also is transgender — and her selection represents a huge breakthrough for a community that has received a level of respect in recent years but still faces overwhelming discrimination and high rates of violence, according to recent surveys by LGBT organizations. Following the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," however, she now faces the unusual challenge of persuading activist and donors that, in spite of that victory, the cause still needs their help. "We disentangled America from this legalized discrimination against gay and lesbian servicemembers," Robinson said, acknowledging that the key aim of Servicemembers Legal Defense Network since its founding in 1993 was reached with the September 2011 repeal of the law. The case she will make is the one that SLDN and OutServe, formed in 2010, have been making since the repeal: Troubling issues remain when it comes to LGBT military service. In addition to benefits issues for same-sex couples, open service for transgender people, whose own sense of their gender does not match the sex with which they were born, was not addressed in the repeal of the 1993 ban on open service and remains a reason to be discharged from the military today. "We have not achieved full equality for LGBT servicemembers, and I think that’s something that Americans care about. I think they care about the way that our troops and their families are treated," she said."

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Silent Enemy

Speaking primarily for me, I have been critical of the LGBT movement and the silent "T".
Truthfully, the farther I have transitioned into society the more silent I become. Not necessarily by design- I started to blend better into the world. All of a sudden it wasn't "hey isn't that a..?" to androgyny.
None of that means I would be less politically active in the transgender movement if I knew how to how to help more.
Before you think that is an excuse, here is what I have tried and what I plan to do. I have contacted my local LGBT center in Dayton and have received absolutely NO feedback-don't care. In the future, I going to put together a proposal to do a presentation at the state wide trans convention this spring.
I sometimes get the idea some think I'm just a know it all. Perhaps I am in the areas of late life transition, building a new friend network and even dealing with the Veterans Administration. I certainly don't ever think I can come close to knowing it all but I have gone there.
So, that's why I think the "T" is silent. Here is a much better in depth look from Ashlee Kelly in the UK.

In true dyslexic manner, here's the end of her article in GayStarNews:

Trans people are a minority within a minority. Our representation within wider society is so small that even the most basic transition stories can attract national attention. So it's important we work on our visibility. If even LGB people can't see us, how can we complain about being underrepresented? For more go here.

More Cassandra!

I recently mentioned Cassandra Cass and Brianna Austin here in Cyrsti's Condo. Perhaps I should have reversed the lady's names and called it the ABC posts?
Sorry, you know how so I like a little play on words in my little mind!
At any rate (as luck would have it) Brianna just posted a a set of pix and a link to Transtasia on her TG Reporter. 
Co incidentally, check out my lasted post while you are there!

Flying Above the Babble

As I skim the surface of the cyber world searching for Cyrsti's Condo content...on occasion I find a person who uses the written word effectively to describe the trans life experience.
A person who can rise above the babble (including mine) and make sense.
Recently (of course) I have read posts from so called experts taking the terms cross dresser and transvestite to task.
What's the old term "Sticks and Stones can break my Bones but Words just Confuse Me?"
I'm passing along an article called Blurred Youth: An Introduction into Femininity. It was published in the Daily Titan from California State University Fullerton.
Read Julie Nitori's story here.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Echoes of our Lives

Perhaps by now you have heard the story of the transsexual Matrix co-director Lana Wachowski who reemerged in Hollywood this past July.
Over the years. Lana and her brother Andy have been notoriously solitary. A fact Lana recently said had nothing to do with her gender.

Recently, Wachowski was awarded the Visibility Award by the Human Rights Campaign, after her recent decision to end a long-standing policy of ignoring press and public appearances and to instead openly acknowledge her transition to womanhood. Which opened the opportunity for wide reaching public relations benefits for the transgender community.

 While accepting her award, Wachowski gave a moving 25-minute speech about her painful past growing up transgender, being bullied by a nun at her Catholic school and why she nearly committed suicide. I began to believe voices in my head -- I was a freak, that I am broken, that there is something wrong with me, that I will never be lovable. After school I go to the nearby Burger King and write a suicide note. But it was addressed to my parents and I really wanted to convince them that it wasn’t their fault, it was just that I didn’t belong... When I see the headlight I take off my backpack and I put it on the bench. It has the note in front of it. I try not to think of anything but jumping as the train comes. Just as the platform begins to rumble suddenly I notice someone walking down the ramp. It is a skinny older old man wearing overly large, 1970s square-style glasses that remind of the ones my grandma wears. He stares at me the way animals stare at each other. I don’t know why he wouldn’t look away. All I know is that because he didn’t, I am still here... I am here because when I was young, I wanted very badly to be a writer, I wanted to be a filmmaker, but I couldn’t find anyone like me in the world and it felt like my dreams were foreclosed simply because my gender was less typical than others.

A video of her entire speech is available here.

Catching Up!

The last couple of days, I've been down and out with a bad cold/flu or whatever.
As I finally summoned up the last bit of energy I could find (kidding), it was time to write a post or two to Cyrsti's Condo.
I suppose this has given me a breather to think about how life has rolled on the past month.
It's hard to believe it was just October 3rd was when my journey went into overdrive- again. That was the day I was treated to a style and coloring job at my daughter's hair salon.
Fast forward to a totally different public experience and a four day trip exclusively as a woman. So I guess that's kind of fast.
It could have been faster yet, if I had been able to get to my much anticipated appointment with the Veterans Administration endocrinologist. Instead, it's coming up on November 1st.
As I have written, I think I have basically "hit the wall" with my hormonal progress and would love to move forward.
Maybe I just wanted to make sure I kept all of this into a 30 day period?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Cassandra Cass

Now that I got your attention with a picture of transgender actress Cassandra Cass, It's time to point out you should visit Brianna Austin's TG Reporter for a wonderful diverse look at our transgender - transsexual world...(TG Reporter even includes a touch of written content from me! Yes! I am biased kids!)
Seriously, head over there on this link.

Just to be extra nice, here's more of Cassandra!

How Mentally Ill Was I?

As I am fond of saying, if I was or am the diagnosis certainly has nothing to do with my transgender identification.
The was I'm referring to was the time I served in the U.S Army.
As a transgender vet, one of my favorite blog stops is Outserve Magazine and Brynn Tannehill.

Over the next few weeks, she is going to be writing several articles concerning the question of open transgender service. This first excerpt comes from her views of the policy trans men and women can't serve because of the now hopeless outdated mental illness questions:

"For 45 years there have been transgender individuals who have functioned at the highest levels of their fields. Lynn Conway is one of the people most responsible for the microprocessor revolution of the 60s, 70s, and 80s. She was also on Board of Visitors at the United States Air Force Academy, and a civilian two-star equivalent at DARPA. Dr. Christine McGinn was an astronaut qualified flight surgeon in the Navy. Amanda Simpson is a Presidential appointee to the position of Special Assistant to the Secretary of the Army. Dr. Chloe Schwenke is a Presidential appointee to a director’s position at USAID. The list goes on and on, but it puts to rest the notion that gender dysphoria is a debilitating mental illness. It’s a medical condition that doesn’t prevent people from doing their jobs, and often those people are doing them extremely well. Being trans hasn’t been an adverse indicator for security clearances since the mid-1990s. Given that, the government has tacitly recognized that gender dysphoria doesn’t imply an inability to function, nor does it imply a dysphoric person is untrustworthy. It also begs the question: if the U.S. government was and is willing to trust Lynn and Amanda with the highest levels of decision making and responsibility for national security, why is it also unwilling to trust a gender dysphoric culinary specialist third class with making sloppy joes? While the Associated Press and some LGBT media outlets picked up this story, there are few outside the trans community aware of this shift. The paradigm among the public, and even amongst some members of the LGB community, remains that trans people are mentally ill or dysfunctional. This is not altogether different from how the public saw the APA’s decision to remove homosexuality from the DSM in 1973: it took a long time for this position to become the conventional wisdom as well."

Follow the link above for the entire post!

Jenna Steps Up...Again

Jenna Talackova is proving once again she is so much more than a beautiful transsexual face:

Canadian beauty Jenna Talackova knows firsthand the affects of prejudice toward transgender people. Most will recall her triumphant battle with the Miss Universe committee earlier this year, eventually being allowed to compete in the international beauty competition, after much debate about her eligibility given her status as a transgender woman. Now Talackova is tackling larger issues in this vein by asking the World Health Organization (WHO) to remove transsexualism from its list of mental disorders. Her petition, at, has gained over 40,000 signatures thus far, and joins an international initiative backed by celebrities including Vladimir Luxuria and Maxwell Zachs. Sign the petition at, and after the jump check out the international video in support of the campaign. http://yout

Read more here at Passport Blogs

Monday, October 22, 2012

Halloween "Horror Scope"?

Check this one out!!!!

What might be a disgusting habit to you could be endearing for that other. So, don’t get caught up trying to be too prim and proper, as it’s your rough edges that will say more to that person you want to vibe with. After all, our flaws give us character and if you reveal your more disturbing ones, you will find the right freak to worship you for them. Astro Guide 2012: Libra

Even I can't or shouldn't comment on that!!!

If you aren't lucky enough to be a Libra go to theFrisky for your scope here!

More from the UK's Paris Lees

We have posted articles in the past about Paris Lees and her Meta publication.  If you haven't heard,   ‘META’ is available online and features news, features and entertainment from a
feminist and transgender perspective.

Over the past two years, Paris has embarked on a campaign to raise awareness about transgender people, appearing everywhere from BBC Breakfast to primetime Channel 4. She says her message is simple: “I just want people to stop bullying people like me. I understand that difference can seem strange, but really we’re just people and should be judged on our actions — not what was between our legs when we were born. After all, who gets a choice in that?” She adds: “I used to feel ashamed of who I was, but then I realised I had nothing to apologise for. Despite the discrimination we face, trans people help run councils and manage the NHS – the prime minister even takes advice from people who are transgender.”

Here's your link for more!

Transgender "Jocks"

At my advanced age, my interest in sports remains strong as a transgender woman but of course participation opportunities are for the most part out of the question.
However, as the door continues to open for transgender athletes a bit at a time information is coming out from different sources.
This guide comes from a FTM publication called Original Plumbing

1. Check the regulations of team you want to play with – even small recreational dodge ball leagues have by laws that regulate gender and gendered competition. Check to see how the league has written their by laws, and if there are any concerns, contact the head of the organization. If they are unfriendly to you or are not clear about their regulations, do not join that organization.
 2. Co-ed sports can be great options for folks who identify beyond the norms of the binary gender system, however, do not alleviate problems involving transphobia. You have a right to play and participate without hateful comments or actions no matter how you express your identity. However, there is a limitation in what sports may be available for multiple-gender participation.
 3. Private organizations do not have a right to information regarding your healthcare status and is protected by HIPAA law. The organization may be allowed to ask for documentation on your legal sex, but your health is your business.
 4. LGBT sports organizations and recreation leagues tend to be more progressive with their gender policies – even if you do not want to participate in their exact sport, they may have members who might have advice finding a team/organization that will be able to work with your needs.
 Regardless of which team or sport you have chosen, you have a right to play as anyone else. But sometimes as trans folks, we have to fight for our spots at the table. Find an athletic organization of your choice, make some contacts, do your research, and most importantly, know your rights.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

"The "B" Word

No, not that "B" word- the bully word.
I can't say enough negative about bullying and in fact haven't written much about it's tragic effects here in Cyrsti's Condo much at all.
The reason (or excuse) is I really did not know where to start.
I do think we transgender individuals sometimes think we have the market cornered and certainly it seems that way in our world.
Ironically, one of the woman in the group I went out with last night told me the saddest story of her youth as a very obese kid.  Without going too deep into it, she said the torture such as bubble gum in the hair became so bad she nearly couldn't stand it...and ballooned to over 400 pounds as a young adult.
The good news is she survived the experience, had surgery and literally has lost hundreds of pounds.
Other's of course haven't- inside the transgender, gay or straight world.
Amanda Todd is one of those:
She was a Vancouver-area teenager who posted a story to YouTube last month about being cyber-bullied, then was found dead  in Coquitlam, Canada. Authorities believe she committed suicide.
 The sad part is that a petition has to be started on  Causes  to try to do something.

Then, there is the story of Denver Transsexual TV Host Eden Lane.

In high school, Lane wore androgynous clothing while trying to simply move through the world like any other kid. Until the day some boys were gathered in the back of the science lab talking about which girls they found attractive. The new boy at school named Eden. When the other boys told him she wasn't exactly a girl, the humiliated boy lit her hair on fire with a Bunsen burner.

Read more of her success story here

I was admittedly luckier than most. My physical stature and interest in sports kept me in a safer nondescript .middle point. I wasn't part of the popular crowd but I wasn't bullied nor thank god did I bully. Seemingly today, more and more folks in our society need to be haters and feed on the different or the weak. I (of course) have a few thoughts on why-but in reality who cares what I think. It's what I do that's important and that is exactly why I'm passing along the Causes link to you.
Look,  I know I could pass along sad story after sad story to you.
On the other hand, you survivors need to make sure the world knows more of your successes. Recently again I had someone try to hang the courageous tag on me.
In reality you bullying survivors deserve the credit for being courageous and brave more than I ever will!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Girl Stuff

Jillian Page writes a blog for the Montreal Gazette
and she presents great perspective on the transgender experience.
This is a great post concerning the female socialization process we go through:

"I was chatting with two women last night — one born-female, the other a transitioned woman — about my concerns with the way some women give me the evil eye when I wear certain clothes. I got two very different sets of responses from them. The born-female woman, who is my partner in life now and someone I love very much, says some women are just naturally jealous of each other, and that I just need to learn to live with it. I shouldn’t be so sensitive, and should just shrug it off. In other words, c’est la vie. I should add that my partner would be the first one to let me know if something I am wearing is not appropriate (she hates my long wigs, for example). The transitioned friend first asked me what sort of clothes are drawing the evil eye, then suggested I need to dress in clothing that would “better match my age.” Grrrr . . . them’s fighting words to me . . . First, I don’t wear mini-skirts to work. Occasionally, I wear a dress that falls, say, 2 or 3 inches above the knees. But mostly, I wear dresses or skirts that fall to the midway point of my calves. I don’t show any copious amounts of cleavage because, sadly, I don’t have a heck of a lot of cleavage to be showing. Other women in my office reveal more than I can ever hope to have. So, objectively speaking, at the very most, I might show a bit more leg that others do . . . but then again, I’ve seen other female colleagues show the same amount if not more. As for my choice of clothing, some of it is a little more youthful, but most of what I wear in public is fine for a woman of any age."

Follow her link above for more.

Will the Circle be Unbroken?

Recently, I re encountered one of my protagonists in a place I go to quite a bit for a drink.
He is middle aged and is one of those guys who comes off as just too smooth. Worse yet, when you see beneath the veneer there is structural damage.
Over the year or so that he has been coming there when I have, he has always made the point of seeking me out and always manages to come up with some sort of snide comment concerning my gender presentation. About the time I get mad enough to really rock his world, he seems to sense it and scurries away.
The visit was quite the eye opener for me anyhow because no one seemed to know who I was with my new hair. The significance of the experience was not lost on me since once again I had gone full circle. I actually have been going there for approximately 6 years. My wife and I actually went several times before she passed away and I continued to go back as a girl until the present. For most of the crew and all of the regulars not to know me was huge.
Back to my buddy.  He circled me a couple times on his way to the bar's lottery machine. Finally he slithered up and said "I finally recognized you over here-looking all normal and that." Well, I guess that's a compliment?
Often I have thought about saying "pull up a seat, let's talk." If I thought it would do any good I would try to explain I never was just a guy getting dressed up as a girl to come out and socialize. Did he understand what female hormones are and that I have been on them for most of the year now and OH Gee- I neglected to mention I have been growing my hair for a year and that is what he is seeing. The bottom line is I don't like or respect him enough to waste my time.
Finally, I know the normal he saw is finally the real me and it's only the beginning.

Transgender Cinema

I can only describe this cinema trailer for the Carl(a) movie is a view into transgender, transsexual reality:

Friday, October 19, 2012

Allie in Stuttgart

Stuttgart, Arkansas-not Germany to be exact. Allie is one of two transgender teens profiled in a new film project:

"She’s a regular teenager in many ways — worried about what other kids in school think of her and excited about college. But she’s also transgender, and that’s made her life more difficult and challenging than most of us could imagine. Allie realized she was meant to be a girl when she was  three years old, she explained, but had to keep her identity hidden to avoid bullying and abuse. The project called a "friend film" still needs funding, and if you’re inclined you can support it through Indie-Go-Go.

I have never thought words such as courage and bravery were appropriate for me so I hesitate to use them for Allie either.  In reality she is just like the rest of us-just trying to be ourselves. Don't we all deserve a chance?

Check out the video:

Sophia Abella

Sophia Abella, transgender model

Playing by the Numbers.

Without getting too political, one of the presidential candidates recently referred to a certain 47% of the population he wasn't concerned about. Unfortunately, I fall into his "47". I'm on Social Security and I receive Veterans Administration health benefits.
Then I read this huge Gallop Poll tossing me into the three percent or so of Americans who are LGBT. I really don't know what all of that means to me or that I should care.
I was curious about the 3 percenters this morning when I stopped by a thrift store on the way back from my daughter's.
The reason I was curious is this store is huge but was almost empty. I estimate there were only ten or so shoppers in the whole place and three of them were men shopping exclusively in the women's clothes. Hmmmm- Now I will give you the fact that a guy could be shopping for an outfit in one of the large women's retail stores but not so much in a thrift store. Here honey "happy birthday" -check out this deep discount used sweater! Now there are great clothes and values to be found in these stores and I shop them a lot. I do not think a man just happened in to shop for women's clothes there.
Also this morning, one guy was going through the dress rack in earnest and even stopped a clerk to inquire about a size. The other guy had a whole arm load of clothing-was wearing shorts with hairless legs. I know it's just Halloween?
My only point is from my own personal survey this morning, maybe Gallop missed a large segment of the population who identify as cross dressers and normally are very deeply closeted.
If they added a "C" to the LGBT count, maybe all my numbers would total up to over 50 percent!
Oh wow! I'm finally validated!!!! Yay!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Gender Not Important?

When do you reach a point where gender isn't all that important anymore?
I'm guessing when you reach a point where you do care or not that society views you as your chosen gender. You just live it.
The only reason I bring this up is (for my enjoyment) I once again jumped into the transgender versus rad fem debate on a blog.
Being the contentious person I am, I just said don't all of you have a real life? Of course I was labeled a troll and told to crawl back under the rock I came out from under.
I was devastated! I have spent years making my area under the rock liveable and I have most of the comforts of home such as running water, electric and of course the all important computer access. It was not easy kicking all the snakes, spiders and snails out of here!
Actually, the whole affair saddens me- but not enough to realize they all are sitting ducks on the pond. So easy to stir up when I am bored.
I've taken 63 years to get to the point of just being comfortable with me-transgender or not.
I know that on occasion I'm naive. I was fairly certain most peeps come to some sort of peace with who they are even if they aren't transgender or transsexual or whatever.
I guess I was wrong. Excuse me while I clean the cave!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Your Transition Tube

As you all know, every now and then I like to pass along a YouTube Video which seems to stand out from the rest of the huge number of transgender transition vids. I so wish the medium would have been around in the "dark information" ages when I grew up!

Anjali Lama

Anjali...Nepal's first transgender model!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

"Trans-tainment Tonight"

From the UK: "X-Factor's" Rylan Clark kissing a transgender model who looks suspiciously like Andrej Pejic. (She isn't)

Transition on Duty

More and more stories are coming out considering transgender and transsexual veterans.
Most of course are from veterans who are no longer in the service. We are still deemed unfit for service by the US Military.
Recently, The Army Times ran a story about a trans man who is beginning his transition on duty-in Afganistan.

Here's part of the story:

"She’s a lesbian, and almost everyone in her unit knows it. She wears her hair cropped short and has a distinctly boyish appearance. And she’s becoming manlier by the day, now that she’s started taking male hormones. Call her Keith. That’s the name this 26-year-old specialist, now deployed to Afghanistan, plans to take when she completes a transition begun several months ago when she started giving herself testosterone injections every other week, under the direction of a civilian doctor who specializes in gender changes. “It’s going well. My voice is deeper, I’m getting more muscle. I feel more energy. I feel more like myself,” she told Military Times in a recent interview via Skype from her containerized housing unit in Afghanistan. Keith declined to be identified by her real name because under military policy, troops diagnosed with “gender identity disorder” are deemed medically unfit for service and face administrative separation. The repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” in September 2011 cleared the way for gay troops to serve openly but did not address transgender individuals, def
ined as people who don’t identify with their birth gender."

Of course there is so much more to this story and you can read it here.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Plans A, B and R

As I think back on the last four or five days, I would be remiss in not bringing this up from my trans girl road trip.

First of all, forget about plan A and B- lets go straight to the "R"...for rest room of course.
Going into this venture I thought I had one pretty secure plan"R". The bus of course would have a unisex toilet. As in the best laid plans of transgender folk everywhere-the bus restroom was pretty much declared off limits and the driver would pull into rest stops along the way. Scratch that plan!

My added problem is I take "Spiro". For those of you who take or have heard about Spiro. it's a drug which is commonly prescribed in HRT as a testosterone blocker. Well it also is a blood pressure drug which also makes you pee- a lot on occasion.
So here I was, stuck between the bus and the "R" place- down the road.

I felt another factor would be the average age of the women on the bus who were older than even me. My theory has always been the older the woman the less understanding they are about a transgender girl in the rest room. However,  it was time to hitch up my "big girl panties" and get with the program as alternatives were basically none. (The men's room or the woods?)

So here I was, not only using the women's room with at least 35 women who had to pee as bad as I did but standing in line with them.  I tried to not show the abject panic I was feeling as minutes turned to hours waiting for a stall to open.

Amazingly enough, I lived through the first experience and the second, third and so on. The reasons were very simple actually: extreme need and new hair. I can't and won't tell you wearing my own hair makes me this beautiful creature but it does give me relevance.

I also can't tell you I ever lost my rest room paranoia on the trip or perhaps ever will but I was able to not let it ruin the rest of the experience. In itself a major victory!

Horror Scope

I knew my run of crazed "Horror Scopes" in Cyrsti's Condo would continue somehow- even though this one goes in an opposite direction!

Don’t ignore the obvious, no matter how sweet you want that someone or something to really be. Facts don’t lie. Just own up to it now, as the price to pay only disrupts others and you’re already in the red in terms of karma coming to save your ass from your current turmoil. So, message of the week: Reboot! Reboot!

Really? I need my ass saved a lot!
Sort of reminds me of the one of the old WWII Submarine movies. Dive! Dive!

As always, "Horror Scope" is my term. You can do to Friskyscopes to get yours!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Getting "Weepy"

Damn hormones! Here I was actually needing my soft sweater jacket not for fashion-I was getting chilly. The next thing you know I will be jumping from the summer furnace I experienced into the winter freezer I really never have.  Over the years, I have loved cold weather. Be careful what you hope for? Kidding, I love I'm experiencing what I hoped for but never really understood. Specifically unexpected weepiness in this case.  I don't even really know if it's a word but it sure visited during a show we went to on the tour.
The show was country/gospel and mountain orientated which sort of fit where we were in the mountains of West Virginia (DUH!) Certain musical numbers for some reason sent me into an elevated emotional state and yes a few tears followed.
Fortunately it was dark in the place and I really didn't want to be the only person in the place crying-female or male or transgender. All was good...until:
At the end of the show, the performers wanted to thank all the veterans in the audience. Please hold your hand up if you are a veteran. My friend jabbed me in the side until I did raise my hand. OK, no big deal. I survived until..."all you veterans stand so we can thank you!" Well, I really didn't want to stand for not the reason you think but guess what-I did-to stop the abuse to my side.
Oh, one more thing I neglected to mention. Not only did the transgender girl end up sitting in the front row, I was in the middle of the front row. Where the hell was Jimmy Buffet when I needed him? But I digress.
I'm sort of funny about my Vietnam Vet status for a number of reasons which I won't bore you with. Mainly my deal is that as a group we were swept under the rug like the war itself and don't get me started on the mistreatment of Viet Vets affected by Agent Orange.
So being singled out and thanked for my service is as foreign to me as going in the first place and you thought standing as a transgender person would bother me.
I had to say, standing was easier than being drafted and I only had one very elderly lady thank me for my service in WWII. (Kidding-I hope!)

Cyrsti's Condo Packing 101

Similar to so many other "jender jumping" issues, packing for a trip is yet another!
The days of tossing jeans, t shirts, socks and undies into a suitcase are gone. Not only did I have to plan for all the female accessories I would need, I had to plan for four to five days worth.
Of course the makeup was the easy part and my new "natural" hair style helped me not agonize over a wig. The hard part was planning outfits.
I was fortunate in that the entire trip was female casual too so I could mix and match sweaters, tops and jeans.  I think I would have only needed an extra top or so to have done better. The whole trip was an ideal starter venture for me but not without quite a bit of angst.
Finally, I shook off my considerable indecision on clothing choices and just started packing....everything. This  was huge! The whole process reminded me of how full circle I have been able to come since the cross dresser meetings I attended years and years ago. As it turned out, the feelings were just the beginning of how weepy I would feel later in the trip.
I know you are dying to know what I forgot!  It turned out to be just a minor article-my jacket. Really? Yes I did but I was lucky.
My drive to meet my friend for the trip was nearly an hour and a half away and for one of the very few times in my life I was running ahead of schedule. On the way, I had time to stop and shop at a deep discount store for some sort of jacket.
Amazingly enough I found a very nice sweater jacket at a very nice price AND it was the only one they had AND it was my size. The last time that happened was when all the planets aligned with some sort of esclipse of the sun.
So, as with most other life experiences, Packing 101 wasn't as easy or as hard as I thought it would be!

Jumping the Great Divide

I didn't really publicize the fact I was taking off on a mini vacation down into a very rugged area of West Virginia last week for about four days.
A genetic girl friend and I made the trip as two women and no we were not "roughing" it. If the truth be known I'm a huge rail buff and there are several historic operating train lines around the Elkins-Cheat Mountain area of West Virginia.
As fun and relaxing as all of that was, the fact still remained that I was leaving all vestiges of my male past behind for an unprecedented four days.
Interestingly enough, I have a ton of thoughts to pass along. So many in fact, I'm experiencing an overload problem of how to do it in some sort of coherent fashion.
My goal  for the next week is to try to pick bits and pieces from the trip and pass them along-including some of my friend's insights.
In essence, I'm unpacking my luggage and my mind.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

All Hallow Back in the Day

This one goes wayyyyy back in the day:

" I won't tell you how many years ago this occurred . Only that I had a decidedly better figure! It was "back in the day" when a Halloween party was a rare coming out event. I believe as a transgendered person you can only do one party with the same people before they start to gossip. If you care. I got an invite to a classic party in an old Victorian mansion in one of the town's historic districts. At the door was an antique coffin with a very real skeleton observing the guests. My first wife (who figured that some day I was going to take off and be a girl full time) didn't much care I was going to the party with a female co-worker-dressed like a complete tramp. Halloween is a great time for genetic and TG females to strut their stuff. (Who do they think they are kidding?) Shaved legs, heels, micro mini dress and long blond hair pretty much described my outfit. When we arrived, I pretty much didn't say much and I found that a lot of the guests didn't really know I wasn't as I appeared to be. I was in heaven! Later in the evening, a couple did approach me to tell me how good I looked and didn't know the truth initially and did I want to go with them to another party? Reluctantly I had to turn them down. My ride was with my co-worker and I thought it would be rude to do that to her. The couple left and I asked the hosts who they were. It turns out he was a very new politician who was running for a state representative seat. As the years went by, he went to Washington and became a very powerful congressman. I've often wondered how deep the attraction was that night and did I destroy my chance for a job in the capital or even a "tell all" book? Let's see: "Monica and Cyrsti" A Life Under The Desk! lol"

Pick the Trans Woman!

Actually she is Liu Shi Han and is in the middle of this group of genetic women.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Eva Robbins

Beautiful Italian transsexual blond Eva Robin's!

Hey Dude!

Here is another Cyrsti's Condo post from 2010 entitled "Hey Dude-Nice Costume"

Due to work obligations, I knew my Halloween this year was not going to happen. I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party. I almost panicked! A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as costume. This year again I was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume. I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction. Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"! I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Amor Concepcion

Amor competed in Ms Amazing Philippines 2009 a few years ago. She didn't win which makes you think how "amazing" the winners were?
Tis the season! Here is another Cyrsti's Condo Halloween post from the past:

" In my own part of the world, Halloween is the second biggest holiday behind Christmas. It is absolutely HUGE! I was searching through some of my older posts for Halloween stories. Of course the season is a prime time to sneak out of the closet or even out yourself in the process. If you recall one of my earlier posts, I mildly outed myself after one memorable Halloween party in the Army of all places. In those days "transgender" wasn't even a word and I admitted to a fondness for women's clothes to several close friends. For you girls who I will refer to as "accomplished closet dwellers"; when you do head out, someone will notice how accomplished you are! By the way, I meant nothing at all negative about the comment. I understand the closet well!!!! What I meant was you have achieved an attractive female persona that no one else has seen. If you decide to attend a party with friends and or acquaintances, they will notice you girl! The solution of course, is to go to a party or a club where no one knows you. Of course, I've done it both ways. I timed a couple "business" trips to be out of town and out at a couple big Halloween parties at straight clubs. Quite a rush! On the other hand I took the compliments and the questions in stride when I attended parties with people I knew. A typical question was "don't your legs itch since you shaved them... but you really have great legs!"

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Alicia Liu

I'm actually testing a different posting style with more Alicia!

Quote of the Day

"Failures are people who never try"
Cyrsti's Condo


When I really started to learn what a feminine existence was all about, I went through several learning experiences early in the process.
Of course I learned my IQ dropped with men , I didn't know what I was talking about and people quit listening to me. Truth of the matter is everyone pretty much knows all of that.
What I was searching for was more of a true feminine socialization process. Such as:
What do genetic females really think about the world around them? Sure, a certain segment of the female population are victims. They want to blame men or whomever for their so called station in life.
I never felt I was a victim because I was transgender and I wanted to learn from genetic women who weren't victims either.
I ran across such a site and thought I would pass it along to you.
It's called xoJane .. Go here to it check out!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Alicia Liu

This is model Alicia Liu . She is a 24 year old model from Taiwan. Alicia is a successful model in Taiwan- appearing in commercials, promo shoots and videos. No one knew until recently that she is a transsexual woman until a former schoolmate outed her.


"Now where the hell is that cyrstal ball?"
OK kids-here you go. This is yet another wild "Horror Scope" in Cyrsti's Condo. Maybe I'm becoming a believer!

" Libra (September 23 - October 22) You’ll be feeling your curiosity veer off into wild new directions. Don’t stop to pick up passengers; this is a solo ride you have to take on your own. Not that you have to unload your baggage, but just put it aside for a while and learn something that is all about your pleasure and betterment. Anyone in your way can suck it. Astro Guide 2012: Libra"

As always: "Horror-scope" is my name for the version I get from theFrisky go here to get yours!

Picture Perfect

I haven't passed along any photos or videos for a couple days soooo...I thought I would pull a couple out of the dusty archives here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Just two guys "out" for the evening
Weekend Help?
"Are the balloons a bit much?"

I've Been Spotted in Space

I'm so flattered!
Go here to see it!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Quote of the Day and More!

It ain't what you do- it's the way that you do it!
I am not exactly sure who said it but it sure fits quite a bit of my life as a transgender woman.
For seeming a thousand years I was too concerned about my looks and not my soul.
I've tried to revisit the problem as much as I can here because I believe in it's importance.
Not paying attention to my inner self was why I was never satisfied with my life as a cross dresser.
First the fetish aspect of just wearing the clothes left me quite early in the process.  The obsession phase set in. I just couldn't wait to put together that perfect outfit to be that stunning creature I knew I could be and not just stun someone. I just knew that new wig would work magic.
Nothing worked any magic over the years. A potent mix of alcohol, heavy work schedules and a fine alpha male acting rendition made for a volatile life.
As most of you know, all of that changed almost five years ago when my wife of 25 years abruptly passed on. I guess you can say the intense grief, pain and introspection I was going through led to the life I lead today.
As part of my birthday week and hair epiphany, I also had my Q and A session with my daughter. Being the out front person she is-she didn't hesitate to come out strong. "What is the difference between the Dad she knew and the person she really doesn't?"
I thought for a moment and said "Not much". I went on to say my interests were basically the same. Still into sports and history. Still like to bargain hunt for clothes and other items. The only difference is the outward feminizing of my body to meet my soul. I just am starting to look like the person I always really was.
Ironically she was trying to match me up with the grand kids. I really have come to be in their lives quite a bit and we all enjoy each other and I really want that to continue. So if I'm essentially the same person who looks different and is infinitely happier-the process is easier. (Neither of us see a huge problem)
So there you go. I'm starting to close a circle. I'm  really doing the same things the way I want to.
Don't get me wrong. I take none of this for granted and I'm not the first one to preach the virtues of living life on some of your own terms. I also don't put myself on any pedestals because it took tragedy and 60 some years for me to get this far.
I do think however I'm a fairly decent judge of the transgender experience.  If you have lost the buzz of just putting on a dress and primping in front of the mirror and are miserable- you may consider a transgender existence. Life is too short not to.


OK, if I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times. "Welcome to Our World" 
From the first development of sore breast "buds" to the dry skin to the hot flashes, my genetic girl friends have laid it on me.
Hey, I love it. Obviously, I want to be in their world.
Also I should point out (as with most of my life) I'm fairly certain I'm doing this transition thing backwards. I have experienced a ton of feminine socialization, it's keeping up with their world physically or at least
coming up to speed has been the challenge.
I always knew of course that female was the high maintenance gender but really?
Filling a bathtub full of 10w30 weight oil to re-lubricate my skin which could have been reacting to the fact my body was doing a wonderful job of self combusting all summer is an example. As I have written, all those frilly girly shower or bath moisturizers just aren't cutesy girl need them!
Now summer comes to an end and it's time to add another intensely feminine aspect to my progression-hair.
We all know how inherently sensual a woman's hair can be.  For out entire lives we watch girls and then women seemingly always primping or playing with their hair. In addition, you have probably read a couple of the articles concerning how much the average woman spends on her hair in a lifetime.
All right, go ahead and say it girls: "Welcome to Our World". In an incredibly short period of time, I've had to step up my shampoo game  to a shampoo with conditioner and now a shampoo with conditioner for regular color treated hair. Plus, lets not forget the spray bottle of "Freeze and Shine" which I'm supposed to spray five times on my hair before I use the blow dryer with more attachments than an old wrench set I kept losing pieces to.
As I said, I have a lot of catching up to do but that's all right. It's really different to reach up to adjust your wig and it's your head and hair and all ready I feel helpless to do much with the actual style I have.
I am fond of saying "I'm nothing if not persistent" and I have two really positive factors working for me:
The first is I'm told I have good hair to work with. The second and most important is I have some really good friends to help me!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Crossing the Line

As promised, back to this hair thing.
Of course, we have discussed breasts seemingly a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo.
Now it seems,  we have a ways to go in the hair department.
The more I write seemingly the more there is to write.
I wrote a bit about looking androgynous but now I want to add a little extra.
With my hair the way it is now, I think I have taken a huge step in looking natural.
That's good, right? Absolutely and the public dynamic instantly changed for me. Eons ago, Janie Black wrote a piece on her blog (I paraphrase) "would you rather be a bland woman or an attractive trans girl?" Remember, I paraphrased a lot.
Basically, all of the sudden, you are just one of the crowd and not the center of attention.
For all intents and purposes, I'm arriving there and it's a real adjustment.
To be truthful, I guess there was some sort of ego involved with the fact that if I couldn't be a real attractive genetic woman, I would do my best to be a real attractive transgender woman.
In essence "Your a good looking woman-for a man."
Then I changed all of that this week.
It turned out going in for my first serious hair styling turned out to be the biggest move I've made since I took my first dosage of Estrogen.


I've been trying to find the words to describe this week and close it out and get ready for what's next.

Perhaps one of the more exciting parts of all of this is I'm in another "warp speed" phase of life. In a little less than two weeks I have my appointment with a new doctor which I call my second phase of HRT.

As I do with most of my major transition events, I have a tendency to become more than a little withdrawn to consider what just happened.

I always considered my hair was going to be a Major piece of the puzzle. How big it turned out to be- I wasn't quite prepared for.

First of all, the obvious. I took a huge step to becoming complete- head to toe. All of the sudden, I became androgynous. With the help of the hormones, all of the sudden my hair tipped me towards the feminine side of the spectrum no matter how I was dressed.

Then there were the fun things such as the visit to salon after I calmed down and their reaction to my hair.
I have mentioned I'm very fortunate to have no male pattern baldness in my family and of course my hair has not been subjected to a lifetime of treatments. No coloring, no perms or heat just naturally gives me a younger fuller head of hair. My daughter commented how bitter she was that she "didn't get my hair instead of her Mom's". Of course my BS detector was figuring daughter and stylist were just being nice but she took my grand daughter back there a couple days later. It turns out the crew wanted to compliment her on my hair and wanted to see the completed process. As you remember I had to go as a guy with three days of beard to be evaluated on facial hair removal. Ironically, the first time my daughter saw me as me was in the same crummy picture I posted here.

There is more to this of course which I'm going to get into in my next post!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Jumping off the High Dive

Back in the day,
one summer my parents hooked my brother and I with a summer membership at a local municipal swim club.
All of that was well and good and the swim club provided swimming and diving classes. What wasn't so well and good were the times when our Mom decided to come to the classes.
She wanted to make sure her money was well spent and her sons were being taught how to not sink to the bottom of the pool when trying to swim. Again, being the mental giants we were-we learned how not to sink to the bottom. Good deal.
Then of course she decides if that was so successful, why not enroll us in diving classes? Really? It was not as if we were heading to the U.S. Olympic Diving Team any time soon. The biggest problem for me was though was jumping off the high diving board. I have never been fond of any height over approximately 10 ft. The 600 foot high board (seemed like it)  was intimidating to say the least.
My Mom was a proponent of "if it didn't kill you, it would just make you stronger" school of child raising- so guess who had his rear up on that board.  Looking back on the moment, I did learn one thing. From that diving board I could see half a continent away... The Rocky Mountains from Ohio.
You certainly are thinking by this time, what the hell is Cyrsti's point this time? (You are lucky you and I don't text!)
Here's the deal.
I have been on the high board quite a bit this year and just as scared as I was so long ago.
I have been fortunate enough to have four very close friends and family which have made it impossible for me to not jump off that board in a very positive way.
I tell quite a few folks I'm not totally sure of how I arrived here-but I sure do love it.
In reality though, I do have an idea how and those people had a hand in it.
I believe only one of the four reads the blog and that would be Liz. Another of course is my daughter.
This is my thanks for pushing me off that damn board!!!!!

I'm trying hard to put a couple pictures of my new hair cut today. I apologize for the overall quality and promise to pass along some better ones later!

Just Another Dose of Nirvana

I guess it's really true- you don't don't know what you are missing if you have access to it all the time-or you have never had it at all.
Sort of like the apple pie your Grannie used to RARELY make when you were a kid. I' m sure if I had it every night, the pie would grow commonplace or if I never had it? Who cares, right?
Today, I went to an upscale full service hair salon-compliments of a birthday gift from my daughter.
OK, I was scared to death. The thought alone of deciding on a hair color alone was giving me cold chills. Another reason I was scared (I realized) came from thoughts I had after a conversation with a close female friend last night. I came away from the talk with the frightening relevation that almost any woman I had ever known in my life hated her hair after the trip to the salon. How was I to be any different?
Well, you all know I'm pretty shy and withdrawn but dammit! What's wrong with all of you? Sure, I understand a hair butchering job as well as the next girl BUT...
As I was waiting for the dye to set in my hair on a soft couch with a cup of coffee and fashion magazines all over the place-I could see it looming on the horizon.
Then, when I was being shampooed and being given a mini facial-I arrived... Nirvana.
Look, I know it's expensive but I know if I could afford it I would be stepping into the same estrogen filled environment as soon as I could.
Was today worth the wait and the fretting? You know it was.
After I come down off this cloud, I will pass along more of how I was an idiot and missed the Nirvana stop for years.
In the meantime, all you genetic women must have been trying to keep this part of your existence a secret for a reason???  It's wonderful...why all the complaining?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Across the Pond

19 year old Brit Ryan Mckenna. After Ryan's body started to take a decidely feminine turn: (left)

Also from the UK:
Carla, 47, (right)  was once Paul and split with his wife Jane two years ago to live as a woman — Carla. Carla grew her hair long, dyed it blonde and had her facial stubble lasered away. Jane moved out of the family home but the kids have stayed — and they love Carla to bits.