Halloween and Gender Breakthroughs

Halloween
Image from
the JJ Hart
Archives. 

Back again we go to Halloween and the effects it had on me as I developed into a novice transgender woman.

Very early on I learned when I cross dressed head to toe as a woman for a Halloween party, I would be cut out of the male club and my male friends would ignore me. Very early signs of losing any male privilege I had built up over the years. On the other hand, I was not ignored by many of the other women I knew from before who took the time to comment on my shaved legs and "costume." Both were small but definite signs of what I would face in the future if and when I decided to enter the public as a transgender woman. 

Over the years, my tastes in Halloween "costumes" changed from just wanting to be slutty, all the way to trying to present myself as a cis-woman would at a party. Plus I needed to overcome any fears I had of going to the party as a woman and mostly giving up on having a traditional good time partying with friends I had known for years. Again, just a small dose of what it would be like to cut all ties with my old male life and start all over. 

Everything began to change when my "costumes" began to evolve. One party in particular stands out in my mind. It happened when my second wife and I were living in the metro New York City area and I was managing a food location. It just so happened I was invited by one of my assistant female managers to go with her and several of her friends to a Halloween party they were going to. Without hesitation I said yes and wondered how I was going to explain it away to my wife. She never was into Halloween much and turned out she did not much care so I set out to put together an outfit for the evening. I decided to go semi-sexy (or try to) and chose my short mini dress, heels and dark wig for the evening. Off I went into the great unknown of not knowing where I was going and with whom.

It turned out, where I ended up first of all was at the house of my manager and to my pleasant surprise I learned all of her friends who were going were all tall attractive women dressed approximately the same as I was. As I walked into the room where they all were waiting, you could have heard a pin drop as they all looked me over from head to toe. Once they realized who I was, off we went to the real party which was being held at a small bar near to her house. The first thing I thought of was how far was I going to have to walk in my heels but the distance was not too bad and I was on my own cloud nine. I mean, here I was with three other women my height dressed the same way headed for a party. I was scared but excited by the time we arrived at the venue. Once I got to the bar and had a drink or two I started to calm down and learned another couple of gender break throughs. 

The evening turned out to be my first ever girl's night out because I was able to blend in so well with the other women I was with and I learned the power of being able to blend in with the feminine world. The second big breakthrough I learned was how to handle being approached by a man who perhaps did not know he was talking to a transgender woman. I was even asked to dance by one man. Finally, I learned single women of a certain age have a tendency to mark out their own territory when it comes to attracting male companionship. Once we all arrived in the venue, I was left very much on my own. 

I did not know it then, but all of the gender lessons I learned would come back to help me later in life. So much more than an empty comment about how good my shaved legs looked. As my second wife kept trying to tell me, I hadn't paid my dues yet to be considered a good feminine person. Trans or not.   

Trans Girl Playing with Butches and Bears

 

Wishing you a Happy Pride Month!

One of the mistakes I made when I first came out of my dark, isolated gender closet was thinking the gay and lesbian community had very few layers. 

Quickly I learned how wrong I was. In the male gay community, there were tops and bottoms, drags and bears just to name a few. Not to be undone, women in the lesbian community have butches, femmes, lipstick lesbians, gold star lesbians and baby dykes. Again just to name a few. Initially, I was confused by wondering how I fit in as a transgender woman, if at all.

Just as quickly I learned the male gay world was not for me. I tried going to male gay bars when I first came out and was roundly rejected. For the most part, the majority of the people thought I was a drag queen. Which of course I wasn't. It didn't take long for me to leave the gay scene for the most part and try new venues. About this time, two small lesbian venues opened as luck would have it, I was not accepted in one but had no problems in the other.  The first one was a hard core biker dyke bar and they had no use for a trans woman on her own in their bar. Just to be a pain to them, I kept going back before I found other places to spend my money. 

As I mentioned, the other bar was a direct opposite. I went often and ended up meeting several butch lesbians which were interesting. Ironically, it was not my first interaction with butches since my first dinner date as a trans woman was with a super-butch who later transitioned into a transgender man. Through it all, I thought I could handle myself and deep down I was flattered by any attention I received such as the night I was gifted a beer by a lesbian who said she should take me home with her, Since I was still married at the time, I didn't think it would be a good idea to follow up on her idea, Just like the night a super-butch in a cowboy hat would not take no for an answer when it came to singing karaoke with her. After our ill-fated attempt ended, she commented I had a lower voice than hers as I rapidly paid my bar tab and left. I never saw her again or was asked to sing. Yes, I was that bad.

On the other end of the spectrum were the interactions I experienced with the big burly male gay bears I happened to run into. I have no idea what the attraction was but I could count on at least a couple of these macho looking men with Pride or Bear flags stopping me to say hello. Including the time, Liz and I just happened to go into a gay bar in New Orleans which was frequented by several bears and the same thing happened. Instead of being shunned, I was welcomed. 

I finally figured out there was something in the aura I was exuding as a trans person and it was resonating with a few of the extremes of the gay and lesbian community. For example, I was never approached by a gay man or lipstick (femme) lesbian at all. At the time, none of it mattered because life was so new and exciting to me when I first explored my new world. 

Playing with butches and bears just added to the intrigue and fun as I discovered the many layers of the LGBTQ society. Maybe they realized I had so many added layers to me too and wanted to research more. Even though, I was a new transgender woman in the world, life was so much more exciting and simple at the same time. Maybe I was similar to a child and when the newness wore off, I became more jaded. 

I still feel though, if the world understood all the varied layers of the LGBTQ world they may try to treat us better.

Running with a Different Pack

 

Image from Omar Lopez
on UnSplash

Back when I was living as a faux macho male, I used to be a fan of the "Big Dog" stores and was fond of using certain terminology they used to harass other store managers who were in competition with me.  Such as "If you can't run with the Big Dogs, Don't jump off the Porch. Even my second wife made sure she had given me several of their shirts. 

Little did I know later on in life, my idea of running with the big dogs would radically change. Once I started to seriously undertake a male to female gender transition did I understand who the big dogs really were. The true alpha or "big dogs" were really women. Quite quickly I realized women had to carry the weight of society on their shoulders. Women led a multi-layered complex existence which often included the burdens of raising children and holding a full time job at the same time.

To survive, I needed to learn quickly how to be accepted and be invited into cis-women circles where I found how different communication was between the two primary binary genders. It was no wonder men and women didn't understand each other. On occasion I was even asked to explain my idea of why a couple wasn't getting along. I was flattered but was at the same time a little scared I would give the wrong advice and set their relationship back even further. At the same time, I am sure none of the other women in the circle realized how much I was learning from them. After all, I was being given an once in a lifetime chance to play in the girl's sandbox. All I had to battle then was an extreme case of "impostor's syndrome" which kept questioning my right to be there in the sandbox at all.

I was fortunate also in that the circle of women I was included with were very strong individuals. What better way to learn my way in an exciting yet scary new world was there. Being able to run with the new circle increased my gender transition timetable immensely and made the whole dream of living as a fulltime transgender woman a distinct reality. I had assembled the role models I needed to move forward when they all accepted me.

The final problem I needed to face was living up to all their expectations of me. Or, what was the new person I was just becoming turn out to be. Could I be the person they expected me to be when I was still learning so much. The professional football game I was invited to was a prime example. Here I was, with my ill fitting wig and all trying to enjoy such a different experience. I had been to many games as a man but never as my true authentic self. Thanks to Kim for the wonderful time!

The final chapter in "Running with a Different Pack" has yet to be written. I still will have the final chapter to write. Hopefully it will be another smooth one once as I face the very real possibility of assisted living later in life.

Should Have Known

 I just never really learn but then again I was never a quick learner.
Yesterday I had and accepted an invite to go see the Cincinnati Reds play. I went with the only three people in the world that I care about that I'm not out to.
So I went as my other self.
So how did that work for me? Well sort of "bittersweet". I did enjoy the old sports banter with the other three guys but felt for all the world I was in "guy drag". No real surprise.

What really did surprise me was the old reaction I had to the other women in the ball park.  I was back again to wanting to be them and wear the leggings and boots they had on in the chilly weather.
Quite obviously in my everyday life now I'm past all of that and in to what I'm wearing.  Sure I notice the fashion other women are wearing. Now though I adapt what I can into my style and do the best I can.

At that point, I started to get aggravated with myself for going back to my old emotions or putting myself voluntarily through this day at all.

Then I was frustrated for being a damn victim, which I hate.

Fortunately, the Reds won and I'm back to normal. What ever that is.

Happy Birthday "Y'All"

I guess I'm fortunate enough- no let me say I am fortunate enough to be invited along on uniquely feminine activities. The latest was a birthday celebration with four other women.
Birthday's for guys and for kids are different for women.  Just to sit down over dinner or whatever and exchange a card or even a cupcake among friends just had a different feel.

Women form different friendship bonds which are so much more complex than men.  Of course family and relationships are the major topics of conversation but there is more. Last night for example, one of the women's daughter was experiencing early labor pains.  During dinner she was in constant contact with Mom (the birthday girl) about the process.  Even I know most all women experience them and it's usually a false sign the baby is arriving.   The call started a conversation around the table about child birth experiences.  Three out of five of the women could contribute and two of us couldn't. I have obvious reasons and I'm not exactly sure about my other friend.

The whole tribal evening was primeval in it's scope I believe. Without being too melodramatic, I'm just using cavemen and women as an example.  Women of course were tied in to the home front much more than the men.  Over the centuries a female may really dislike the woman in the next cave over but for the most part may not go and try to harm her. Instead the process carries over into the clique I was part of last night. The gender dynamics of gossip and passive aggressiveness were fascinating.

Over the years, I have written on the benefits of learning the dynamics of feminine communication. Last night, I had to keep rebooting my male trained mind to understand what the girls were really saying. When was a bitch a real bitch and when she wasn't. Or when was a compliment genuine or just nice "how you doing girl" warm and fuzzy?

My solution was and is to be an interested observer and learner-which is impossible for most of this group.  As an accepted part of the circle, I do participate and learn at the same time.

Of course the whole evening was just another stop on this long transgender journey. I know I should never take any of this for granted so it's time to learn and move on to the next party.  Hope I make it!

Yikes! There is a Man in the Rest Room!

Last night was girls football night out.  All of us drink the big glasses of draft beer and as all of us beer drinkers know, any consumption to speak of - off to the bathroom you go.
Of course last night was no different and I had to go. When I went into the rest room, it was empty except for one woman on her phone by the sinks. As I went into the stall to pee, I heard another woman come in and then intermittent comments from a very male voice. Of course two or three things went through my mind including wow is there another trans person in here or did indeed I have too much beer?
I left the stall and came around the corner to see two very sheepish women looking at me.  They quickly reassured me the man was actually on a speaker phone and they were having a water problem at their house. We laughed as I washed my hands.
I was so glad my privacy wasn't violated (ha!) and I got a chance to pass along a cute restroom story for a change in Cyrsti's Condo.

Estrogen Intensive Therapy

Today was visit number two to the hair salon to get my hair color "freshened".
A nice way to say-out with the gray roots.
This visit was yet another "first" in that I was totally feminine when I went today.
When I made the appointment last week, the receptionist changed my name from the male version my daughter originally gave them.  As you might remember I was told to come with about three days worth of beard growth to be evaluated for hair removal for my first visit.

This morning I had a relatively early appointment and really didn't know or care how many others I would encounter in what serves as a lobby in this salon. As it turned out, when I opened the door and walked in there were about five or six young women around the front desk.
Now it's been awhile since time has stopped in front of me.  What I mean is during various points in my transition, certain situations seemed to stop all of the life around me. I was moving in slow motion and the world was stopped or looking at me. This morning though,  I again added a couple extra seconds to the day as all the women just stopped at stared at me. I almost said "I come in peace earthling women. May I come in?"

In reality I just smiled and said "Good Morning" and all was fine. For many of them I may have been the only transgender person they ever knew for sure they encountered. They indeed let me in and even got me a cup of coffee.

As I sat and waited for the stylist, I felt I shouldn't have taken my estrogen today. I could have overdosed with all of it in the air in the salon and I loved it.
Overall,  the pampering and the overall effects today were about the same as visit number one. The big exception was I noticed the three or four other women also getting their hair done were more or less resigned to the process. I wondered how many visits will it take before I join that club too?

Finally I wonder how long it will take for the novelty of having a transgender customer to wear off?  Especially one who is like a kid in a candy store?

Fun Stuff

I think I have mentioned this site at least once here in Cyrsti's Condo if you want to further your feminine development by reading up on bunches of different aspects of being women-by women.
To coin an older term, this site lets it ALL hang out about women and sex, clothes, beauty and soooo much more.
It's called xoJane jump here to check it out!

Women and Halloween

Julie and Susan

Well kids, of course it is "Boo!" time in my part of the world and it's positively HUGE. Around these parts Halloween is right behind Christmas as the biggest holiday. Of course everyone is talking about it finally taking some of the heat off the election babble. (and the coming hurricane which we are fortunate enough to miss most of)
I heard an interesting radio talk show this afternoon with a male and female host talking back and forth about how women approach Halloween.
She started of course by saying how the costume dynamic was so much different for women...duh! The best comment was how many of her friends spend an eternity buying underwear for their costume everyone would see. Plus, lets not forget men don't have to worry about the pain and suffering of walking around in 4 inch heels for five hours.
Then in ever so subtly in typical femme speak she slipped in the phrase "maybe all that work is what makes it fun".
Really?

The End of Men?

I read a post recently about this topic.
Yes it was feminist babble and not worth passing along. You have read it all before.  However,  in it's own way it's no worse than when I lost IQ and  talked down to by men as I really  started to transition.
Sooner more than later, I believe the human race (if we last that long) will become essentially genderless anyhow.
Already there is news about experimental womb transplants starting to occur. How long will it be before your flight to Bangkok will include a new womb too? Will it matter with some? Probably not I'm sure some will still think a home grown vagina or womb is worth more than store bought models.
Of course I'm biased but the feminists have always wanted us to feel guilty about our transgender or transsexual selves.
I'm sure similar to so many archaic gender biases-the feminist manifestos  will be yet another meaningless footnote in history.
Take sex out of the picture for a moment and unique view of the world from the gender spectrum's would be missed if there was an end to men and women!

Commercial Gender Quiz

Two friends asked me last night which of the two big home improvement stores- Lowes or Home Depot I liked best.
I said "Why? Is this a trick question?".
They said no...which did I prefer? I said Lowes- Why?
Both of them laughed and said it was a gender question.
Lowes is set up to appeal more to women with the store's emphasis on lighting, appliances etc. Home Depot is a more direct material buying center which appeals more to men.
I guess I passed?

Cosmo Missed One!

Cosmopolitan came up with this top ten list of the "Top 10 Lies Men Tell Women" because:
The average dude fabricates something six times a day-that's twice as often as women-and with #LiesMenTellWomen trending on Twitter right now, some dudes are being called out.
All the normal ones are on it like "I'm stuck in traffic" and "This will be my last beer."
The one they missed?
"I just tried on your clothes once honey. I hated it and will never do it again!"