Gender Not Important?

When do you reach a point where gender isn't all that important anymore?
I'm guessing when you reach a point where you do care or not that society views you as your chosen gender. You just live it.
The only reason I bring this up is (for my enjoyment) I once again jumped into the transgender versus rad fem debate on a blog.
Being the contentious person I am, I just said don't all of you have a real life? Of course I was labeled a troll and told to crawl back under the rock I came out from under.
I was devastated! I have spent years making my area under the rock liveable and I have most of the comforts of home such as running water, electric and of course the all important computer access. It was not easy kicking all the snakes, spiders and snails out of here!
Actually, the whole affair saddens me- but not enough to realize they all are sitting ducks on the pond. So easy to stir up when I am bored.
I've taken 63 years to get to the point of just being comfortable with me-transgender or not.
I know that on occasion I'm naive. I was fairly certain most peeps come to some sort of peace with who they are even if they aren't transgender or transsexual or whatever.
I guess I was wrong. Excuse me while I clean the cave!