Empty Calories

Empty calories at a Halloween drag show?
Very much so last night for me at least. To begin with, lets describe "empty calories" as that 99 cent value burger you ate for lunch and were hungry less than two hours later.
To set the scene, last night was one of the only nights I considered myself in drag for years. Pulled out the BIG Drag Queen hair, boots and overall just slutted it up...and had a great time. I received some ego building compliments and even was called Gloria Estefan. Believe me, I'm not going to insult her and say that was true in anyway shape or form.
All of this took me back to my younger days when going to drag shows and garnering any attention at all was my life. I called it " Running with the Queens". Time after time I would do it, get the buzz go home and crash to the bottom quickly- empty calories.
Something was wrong.  Sure, as a human type being I crave pleasure. I understood all of this but dammit why the deep empty feeling in my soul? Wasn't I helping my gender situation? How difficult could this cross dressing thing be anyhow?
Well, no I wasn't helping.  The best you could say was I was biding my time until I came to grips on what was really going on inside me. The true story was watching a bunch of cross dressers watch a bunch of drag queens wasn't really me.  My inner girl was hollering "No you idiot!" Ha Ha, who listens to women anyhow?
You see, I'm tough and stubborn -or just stubborn beyond a fault and it takes me years sometimes to actually grasp my own reality and then put it to words. For all I know, there could be another me in the cyber world who says hey! she's right!!! Number one, I'm sorry I compared any of you with me but if I can help- count me in!
So I'm happy I went and thanks to the friends who invited me and I plan on doing it again BUT I'm sure all you purists are thinking - if she is living female, is this fun really called doing drag?
Duh! No it's not but it's my warm and fuzzy moment of realization and I'm sticking to it!