Introspection

With the advance of the Corona Virus 19, most of us have had been forced to stay home. With the extra time alone many of us have had the chance to reflect on our lives.

Reflection is tough on many people, including me. A totally quiet room is often my worst enemy and I even sleep all night with the television on. (Thanks Liz! who is my partner and only mildly protests.)

It could be much worse. I think back to the days when I was first exploring the feminine world and was out and about as much as I could to do it. The very essence of my being revolved around how and if I could make my way in the world as a woman. The very places I went to do it...restaurants and taverns are all currently closed around in my section of the world because of the virus. In so many ways, my femininity was based on what others thought of me. Looking back on that time of my life, I know I would have been strongly affected by the experience. Not to mention being mostly unemployed because I was a restaurant manager.

Timing is everything though. After all these years, I don't need to put on all the feminine finery to feel like a girl. In fact, I am a fairly "plain Jane" type woman. I guess my feelings go back to my very early days as a cross dresser when the clothes lost their appeal. What replaced the "urges" was an over powering desire to be a girl, not just look like one.

These days, I am so fortunate to have a solid base of gender support around me. Family and friends who look past my transgender lifestyle and instead see the true me. The true me is a happier more satisfied person than many of my family knew before. I have found through much trial and error happiness may still be impossible to find for a person such as me but joy isn't.

Since we are all stuck in this current crisis together, please do your best to keep yourself safe. I know many of you may look at this as a form of being forced back into your closet. Also, I have a dear friend who is really upset her genital realignment surgery has been postponed from March 31st. My thoughts go out to her.

Reach inside yourself and find your inner woman and use the time to cherish her. Hopefully, all of this will be over before we know it and your woman will flourish again.

 

Be Careful What you Eat

Anymore, I try to consider what I am ordering to eat at restaurants. In other words, I try not to order bone in chicken wings which I have to pick up and eat like a guy.

Last night though I ended up with a sticky situation in a BBQ restaurant we go to often. If I am just with Liz, I don't care so much since I already know I am already totally accepted but with others I try to do better.

I did break down and order a pulled pork brisket sandwich which of course I had to add extra sauce. At that time, the only other person eating with us was another woman who knows and accepts me well. So, I thought I could eat most of my dinner before a man I didn't know joined us later. 

Actually, with the help of a fork, the dinner didn't go too badly. I managed not to slop BBQ sauce all over myself and since I wasn't wearing much lipstick at all, I didn't have to worry about that. Thank goodness for Chapstick tinted lip gloss.

In some ways I consider eating like a woman is one of the last transitional transgender frontiers. After all you have to be good enough to get to your seat in a venue without half the world staring. For the most part I am past all of that paranoia and simply try to stand up straight and walk to my seat. And, as I always write...confidence is a trans girls best friend.

Once you get to your table though, don't forget to give yourself a break and don't be a slob. Be careful what you eat and don't get BBQ sauce all over your new sweater!