Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Queering The Tranny"

I stumbled upon this review of a book from the transgendered world that sounds interesting.
This review of "Queering the Tranny" comes from "The Weekender".
No I haven't read it but this portion of the review sounded very realistic and hit home.

"While most people seem to be under the impression that transgender
identification is entirely related to homosexuality, the truth is the
two are not always connected. In fact, Drummond has admitted to a fear
of being thought of as homosexual (which he is not), and is then
forced to study his own stereotyping and preconceived notions about
why that label has such a negative connotation for him.

Stereotypes play a large part in Drummond’s outing process. As he
describes his journey, it becomes apparent that many of his fears are
based largely on his assumption that certain people will react to his
appearance in certain ways based on, in turn, their appearance.

Throughout “Queering the Tranny,” Drummond succeeds at not stirring
pity in the reader, but rather a profound sense of empathy. Without
the context of growing up as a girl, he is forced to simultaneously
learn the rules as he goes while also fearing the scrutiny of a
society that places utmost importance on gender. He offers insight
into an issue that is usually treated as taboo and nefarious, and does
so with a sense of confidence."

As I said from the title to what I read in  the review, Alex Drummond has put into words what so many of us have lived.

Changes

Just happened to catch Jimmy Buffet's "Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude" song on a new local radio station I just discovered by accident.
If you have never heard it, here is just a touch:
"It's those changes in latitudes,
changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning,
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."
Jimmy Buffet fans are called "Parrot Heads" and I am a huge one! Jimmy is known for his great concerts in Cincinnati.  Unfortunately, as he gets older he is down to one a summer and it is one huge party! Every summer it is rumored he is going to quit touring all together.
I just hope he still comes next summer and I can go after I have transitioned farther.
In person the song would mean even more to me than it does now!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Transitioning And The Silver Screen

Some of you may remember the post I wrote some time ago when I became totally immersed in a "chick flick".
The moment was one of the first I can remember. 
As with most of my life these days the moment went by and I gave it very little extra thought.
Since then chick flicks have been an afterthought until this morning.  I was working on my book and catching up on emails and I had the television on in the background.  A classic "40's" movie was on and I don't really know who was in it. 
What did happen was I slowly became drawn in to what the women in the movie were feeling.  I was empathizing  with their relationships and lives without even thinking about it.
All of a sudden my new fascination with characters on the silver screen became clearer than a high definition big screen. I was watching from a female point of view. Not as a man relating to a woman or even wanting to be her. No, I was feeling her emotions towards men, other women and life.
Wow! What a revelation!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Weely Horrorscope

Libra (September 23- October 22)
You do know how to present well, but that doesn’t mean that people can’t see through your glossy veneer. Try all you might to appear as if you’ve got it all together, but what really will that get you? If you need help, don’t be shy about accepting it. There is support available and no shame in wanting it. Besides, who really likes perfection anyway? So boring!

From "the Frisky
No comment!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

When The Face In The Mirror Doesn't Change

As you remove your makeup and you look into your own eyes.  What do you see?
Yourself of course (unless you have some real problems.)
I used to be really depressed as I cleaned my face...the male one looking back at me from the mirror.
Fortunately the depression is starting to fade.
No I haven't started nay hormones yet or went through any facial feminizing surgery. The difference is I'm beginning to see past the face and into the eyes. 
Two things are beginning to occur. 
I see some of the inner me...increasingly less male and I don't do grudge drag anymore. 
Grudge drag is a very uncomplimentary term from the days when I felt I had to venture out dressed female.
The transition from wanting to to having to being who I am has been a long process.
Now the mirror has become more than one dimensional. It is allowing me to see the real me.

Sexuality vs Sensuality.

Can we agreed men are sexual beings and women are sensual? OK I know I'm making a sweeping generalization and it's all Janie's fault! In a good way of course. During the past month or so she has written so well about her gender journey. We are very similar in the life path we have decided to follow and I just wish I had her gift of writing about it!
She has questioned her feelings about being female and even prioritized her male side for a period of time to test herself.
At any rate, recently she made the comment again about how she lost the sexual thrill of female clothes years ago.  The same as me.
I began to think of why and how the "why" related to gender stereotypes as a whole.
One hundred and ten thousand years ago when I began my gender journey to the "other side" I did have the sexual thrill of shaving my legs and wearing hose and bra etc.  Now I feel a deep satisfaction when the wind blows my hair over a bare back and shoulders or around my bare legs. I just feel at home somehow, More sensually stimulated. I feel my skin and hair; the sun and the air so much more acutely.
Where and how did this change happen?
Well, basically I came to conclusion that men are sexual beings.  It isn't true that sex is all men think about but it is true they spend a lot of time thinking about it and how it may apply to many females they meet or see.  Nothing evil about it. Men are just reacting to what life is for them and their role in populating the world.
Women on the other hand are sensual beings.  Starting with their breasts and extending head to toe they all have an innate ability to have a sensual connection with the environment. It's why there is a "Mother Nature"  follow this link and read the definition. 
Women are more apt to go barefooted, women play with their hair and pamper their skin and of course possess the all important breasts. Both genders admire and obsess over breasts.  Men of course are easy and really so are women. I have mentioned so many times how I have spent my life working in female dominated workforces. I can not tell you how many times I have heard the breast conversation in regards to another woman they were watching or even among themselves. These days of course buying the breasts of your dreams is not out of the question. I feel the main breast attraction is their sensation to a woman.  When she enters puberty sensations increase which goes a long way in developing a sensuality and is exactly the reason I am attempting to begin some hormone therapy.
I'm jealous. I want to experience that sensation and be more sensual not so much sexual. A journey I unknowingly undertook years ago.
With all the upheaval in our community these days about transsexual this and transgender that, it could be this is a simpler explanation of why some of us have arrived where we are today.
Sure, I will never experience many of the realities of a biological woman. No child birth or monthly periods or even female genitals are in my future. BUT
An increased awareness of the world from the sensual side of nature has been part of me for a while now. It most certainly is time to nurture that awareness.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Fireman Putting Out Wrong Fire.

 According to the "MailOnLine" a An FDNY fireman who posed in a calendar of other firefighters allegedly battered his transsexual girlfriend in a jealous rage two weeks ago.
Miss Charriez told the Post: 'He called me from jail [Thursday] and said he wanted me to write a letter saying it didn't happen.'
An FDNY spokesman told MailOnline that Mr Murphy, who's been with the department for four years, has been suspended.
She was famously disqualified from America’s Next Top Model after it was revealed she was born a man.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Make Up Magic!

This is one of the male stars from the Indian movie "Double Dhamall" If you have never priced the very effective breasts he is wearing, Ive seen them for about 2 grand or so.



I simply love the before and after pix! This is

Paolo Ballesteros aka Precious Paola

The Filipino Answer to Christopher Morley?


I Felt Like A Spy!

At work the other day, the crew jumped into an animated conversation about drag shows. It seemed one of the older women had been invited to join some friends at a prominent gay club for a show.
I listened with great interest (of course) to the discussion.  The group was several "20" somethings and a couple of the women were going positively nuts about how the best looking women in the room at the show they went to were guys.
The one woman who was invited hated the whole idea and was very negative.  I didn't hear her remarks first hand but expected the gay/trans slurs.
Even more interesting was the comments on the man who used to come quite a bit dressed as...you guessed it...a woman.
I was so proud of the group who applauded him for living his life the way he wanted to and how about his great taste in purses! Unfortunately, they said they hadn't seen him for awhile.
I said absolutely nothing. Didn't have to. I was so proud of how the group approached our culture. Keep in mind all of this took place in a relatively rural town in Ohio.
Maybe things are really getting better!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Horoscopes!

From the Frisky  I thought I would share my latest horoscope. With everythiong that is happening now in my personal life the "scope" could be interesting!
I'm a Libra by the way.
"Despite what you might hear, you are going to have to pay attention to your intuition, as it’s going to be at its peak now and can lead you out of pending despair -- if you bravely face the truth and its consequences. Yes, we’d all like to see the world with rose-colored glasses, right now, you should know that point of view will eventually catch up with you in a bad way."
Hmmm that make it's all so clear! lol
the Frisky by the way is a great girl site that gives you insight into everything girl from fashion to lifestyle to guys!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Womanless Revisited.

I happened across this older picture of an "amateur" contest in a womanless pageant I believe was held in Mississippi. Obviously his first time dressed as a girl?
These boys are from a baseball team in the South. You have the love the bow in the cheerleaders hair!










Last and least, just a one of my "dark pix!

Thanks
Cyrsti


Adding A Link

I've mentioned Matt Kailey's blog Tranifesto  here a couple of times. Matt is a FtM transsexual who writes a very interesting blog. In addition to presenting a different look on the trans life (as a guy) he answers many thought provoking interesting questions!

Red Means Stop?

NO! I'm sure all of your have noticed or read I went red again. 
I try to have the Blogs main picture reflect the current style I'm wearing to give you all an idea of who I am.
Essentially, the hair is the same length and volume of the dark so it I can pass the red off as a whim of my hair dresser.
As far as the public is concerned The red seems to be just a bit more accepted. The shade of hair is easier to match with my skin shade so that's a benefit too.
I have felt like I reacquainted myself with an old girlfriend.  Fun and comfortable!

Curves Ahead!

I was planning what I was going to wear as I made my way home from work. The weather has started to ever so slightly make it's way to a cooler fall so I could wear a soft clingy top I almost forgot I owned. It sort of screamed "Hey you! Don't forget about me!"
I call the top "breast orientated" it definitely highlights the shape and size of my breasts and requires just the right bra. I wear a very soft bra with very little shape.  My breast forms fill out the bra and in turn the top very dramatically. (even giving the slightest hint of nipples). All of this is very exciting of course but the top has a couple other benefits. The sleeves are long enough to comfortably cover my wrists which will always be thick.  It is also long enough to fall to the curve of my hips created with a couple small hip pads. Add a pair of my favorite religious jeans (wholly) with big flair bottoms, flip flops and a long strapped bag and the outfit was complete and dee-licicious!!!!
The overall proportion was correct. The hips and breasts took away the span of my shoulders which is always a goal. For some reason it was so much easier to throw the shoulders back and sway the hips last night. How much fun was that!
I slid up to an open seat at the bar and leaned back to watch a preseason NFL game.  Beer and pizza appeared quickly as I  pulled my phone out to check my messages. Here I was, legs crossed looking down over my breasts to my phone feeling certain life was good! It was indeed. The only attention I created was welcome.  Another female patron I see quite a bit there came over to say Hi and we exchanged girl talk for a brief time before she headed back over to her friend.
All too soon, it was time to go and I noticed an older man was beginning to show some interest.  I decided to take my time as I got up played with my hair and slid my purse over my shoulder. Rather than take an indirect route to the door I walked straight past him to see if he would follow my movements.  As with so many men who play the eye games so well (thinking I'm not noticing) he never looked up as I passed by.
At these times it's nice to find a reflection in the area from a mirror or window to see if he is following my back side. No such luck last night.
Didn't really need it!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Stuck in the Restroom with You?

Not only you...but your young kids (male and female)?
Sure it happened the other night and was exciting and or scary.
I decided to stay closer to home and go out earlier on a weekend night. I was secure in my girlness and really couldn't sit where I could see the restroom. When I had to go, I hoped for the best.
So much for hoping. When I entered, the room was crawling with little kids and Moms.
I kept my act together and didn't panic or run and found an empty stall. Fortuantely the kids and Moms were fighting each other and barely noticed me.
I took care of my business and waited a split second before i exited the stall and headed for the sinks. I learned the hard way not to hide in a stall when there are other women waiting.
I washed up and only faced a server passing through also. She gave me a knowing smile and I headed back to my seat.
The whole early evening was different in that I ran into people I know in my male life. I don't like that but was successful tonight. No one gave me the second look.
That's all good but kids in the restroom are cruel and unusual punishment!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Answered My Own Question?

I agonized over how I should talk to the "Doc" when I set up my hormone appointment date. I have never been really happy with my voice but others tell me it's fine.
The phone of course sets up a whole new dynamic. A voice with no visual.
I finally decided to try a softer version of my own voice and go from there. When she called back and I answered she (of course) asked for me by my male name. When I told her she was speaking to me, there was a slight pause.
As we discussed a date of September 7th, she seemed to relax to the point of even enjoying the conversation.  In turn I felt even more relaxed. She apologized for the wait to see me and I told her I had been waiting for years for this...a couple weeks sure wouldn't be a big deal.
She ended with "I'm looking forward to meeting you". Probably I'm a bit different?
My next decision is how to dress for the occasion.  I don't see going in guy drag will give her a fair representation of who I really am. 
If living the life is a deciding factor for her...might as well "git r done"!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Again and Again and Again....

Can I ask a question? Is it more satisfying to go into public and have people assume that you are a woman -or- is it more satisfying to be recognized as transgendered?
Answer: both!

Shopping Thoughts

Today I had to go shopping for guy clothes.
Hate it. Boring...sort of like watching paint dry but I will have to do my best guy drag for an interview coming up.
Felt the same old "why me" feelings as I entered the store and went the wrong way to the men's department.
The process never takes a long time.  Pick from the same boring colors and styles and take off.
In my part of the world it is back to school time. As the mother/daughter combos attacked the clothes,  I  wondered how it would have been for my Mom to take me shopping for new fun back to school outfits. A part of my life I will never know.
Many of these families were ahead of me in line and as I waited I realized I'm not as bitter or frustrated anymore with buying a few items of male clothing.
Today was the first time ever I could comfortably watch with interest the items other women were buying. The first time I could look for imperfections in other women lol! A huge difference from simply wanting to be them. Even though I was in guy drag (I passed) I was them.
For once I was comfortable in the knowledge my girl was safe and secure and growing. Comfortable in the knowledge my life was changing.
Sure, a new pair of shoes or purse I noticed would have been more fun to buy today but now there is a tomorrow.
A tomorrow when those new heels will look fabulous!




Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Finally!

The call came from the VA psychologist. I will call her back for an appointment tomorrow.
Now what? I will tell her for sure I've taken this "girl" thing as far as I can go.
She will probably ask me if I really want to go further and why.
My life has been similar to digging a tunnel from two sides.  On one side is my inner girl. On the other is how she presents to the public. I believe a powerful connector could be the hormones.
Here is how I visualize this. (Years from now, we can revisit)
For example, the last three out of four times I've been out I have seen nothing that would lead me to believe the world didn't accept me as female. One end of the tunnel is moving inward quickly!
The other end is much more difficult to judge. She's a little jaded and cynical and has waited years to see if the light in the tunnel wasn't the train.
How are hormones the connector? Those of you who read the blog who are on them may agree with my ideas.
Sure the body changes I know. Any increase in breast size and hips is just the beginning to physically feeling more female.
The more dramatic connection would be mental.  I've written in the past about my "feminine" thoughts. I want the tunnel connected here.
I envision a "gentle" connection. I really don't want any invasive surgery but to want to have softer skin, nicer breasts and stronger feminine emotions n my life.
So we will see what the psychologist has to say.
Whatever her decision, work on the tunnel will continue!


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Non Information

Hormones part two.  Updating my visit to the VA to inquire about hormone therapy, updating you is easy.
There isn't an update. Nothing so far.  No appointment with a consulting shrink. Nothing,
OK, it has only been a week. Yes, I am impatient.
My imagination tells me my request is rattling the around the halls of the local VA. Yes we saw the transgender memo, but we have someone wants to do it? Here? Now what?
Truthfully, I wonder about the number of qualified  people the VA may have?
The person I talked to can legally prescribe hormones if she is allowed to.
Now, I do understand there are parameters. Not just any Tom,  Jane or Cyrsti should be able to walk in and leave with hormones.
I don't even know if I qualify with the lifestyle requirements. Sure I live most all of my leisure time female. Is that enough and am I just being paranoid? Probably.
All I need now is an "anti-paranoid" drug!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Showing My Age!

As I was shopping the other day, I discovered a really attractive two piece top. I took it off the rack and took a look at the price tag and saw "Made in Vietnam".
37-year-old Wendy Iriepa and 31-year-old Ignacio Estrada
Later I happened on a story of a couple getting married in Cuba on Fidel Castro's 85th birthday.
I read that  same-sex marriages are not legal in Cuba but Iriepa is now legally registered as a woman following her 2007 sex change.(Reuters is reporting.) The couple said the wedding would be both a first in Cuba's once-persecuted gay and lesbian community and a birthday "gift" for Castro.

In some senses I feel betrayed. Were all the tensions and loss of friends being wasted? Vietnam and Fidel Castro? After all it was Fidel and the Russians who took us to the brink of nuclear war.
Happily I feel relieved. In our lives all tensions seemed to be replaced by others. I guess it's good the old ones are getting laid to rest.
Too bad I don't smoke cigars anymore!

KISS..Keep It Simple Stupid

At times (or most of times) I tend to get a bit mystical about how life kind of moves back and forth. I seem to go through phases of female interest and then the guys move back in. 
I've never been able to connect the dots of gender interest to how comfortable I'm feeling. Last night for example I had three women at least say hi.Later I finished the evening with a quick trip through a big grocery store about 10 at night.  I wondered down the aisles dong some light shopping and encountered a larger older handsome guy who was seriously checking me out from a not so sly side glance. From him I passed five girls who probably were in their early 20's who never gave me a second glance and finished with a young black guy looking straight through me. So I guess you can say I was successful..
So any connection? No.
Then in the last two days I have received much more female attention from one of the dating sites I'm on and had an incredible night out with a very close lesbian friend I hadn't seen for ages.
I am intrigued (and shouldn't be) by the gender dynamic I experience.  Women present a much softer dynamic to me; much more lifestyle orientated.  Men of course are "cause and effect". Follow the action with them and all is good.
So any connection? No.
When all of this begins to really heat up, life can be very interesting and confusing.  Then again all of the interaction is just what genetic women go through.
I can get as mystical as I want about all of this but the fact remains it's the life I chose. May as well have some fun doing it!

My Style

I've written and read many articles about women and their style.  I know what mine is but I have a hard time describing it.
I finally saw a picture of my dream girl. (At least today lol)
Well here is my style!
OK I know I can never look like her but I can take certain elements from her example.
Our hair is very similar. The hat is fabulous but would not work on me because I have a big noggin.
Her shirt is very similar to one I own but I have to wear it under a top or jacket because of my arms.
The shorts? Not even. I love them on her. I'm just a lot too old to be wearing those shorts!!!!!
Instead I work with a couple pairs of beat up bell bottoms with holes and a belt similar to hers.
I usually just wear them with flip flops and a long shoulder bag.  As I enter a room I do my best to show off the most important piece of my outfit...My attitude.  
If my model didn't have her shoulders thrown back and that smile on her face, half of the effect would be gone!
Many times the most important part of my outfits escape me due to years of negative conditioning. But hey, I'm working on it!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Candis Cayne On "Necessary Roughness"

On the "USA" Channel is a show called "Necessary Roughness"
In the episode called "Dream On" Candis Cayne plays Gerald Daniel at a class reunion of the shows female stars Jeanette and Dani. Gerald as you might have guessed has become a beautiful Geraldine.
Quickly, Candis introduces herself to Jeanette. Stunning as ever, Candis confides Jeanette was her dream girl growing up...she (Geraldine) was so in love with her. Her confidence, beauty and effortless femininity...how she wanted to be her.
I thought, wow that is just the way I felt about a couple girls growing up.  How did they ever come up with such a plot?  They certainly didn't pick it up with out having some inside knowledge! (No they didn't call.)
Geraldine is shown and mentioned a couple times in the last fifteen minutes of the show, including the classic ending. Dani and Jeanette  are sitting around chatting about the reunion. They both were fairly certain they were the hottest women there except for Geraldine.Dani gave Jeanette all the credit for being a great fashion role model.
The two when on to girl chat about Dani's ex husband and Jeanette's unfulfilled dream of the dream guy and the white pickett fence. Without missing a beat Jeanette says "No worries. It turns out Geraldine is a lesbian and there is still hope!" What a sequel we will never see!
If you can catch this episode...you have to wait at least halfway to catch Candis...who is always worth the wait!

Diversity at Home

My job takes me to different spots on occasion. Unfortuantely nothing real exciting like the Bahamas! Lol.
As I walked in (I work in male drag) I said hello to all the employees (I knew) and then waited for the new guy to turn around so I could say hello.
When the new guy turned around, he wasn't a guy at all. She wore a burr haircut and a very loose uniform shirt  which almost completely hid her breasts.
I tried to give her the warmest greeting possible of course and proceeded to praise the company's diversity in hiring to others.
In the circumstance I'm in, I'm sure I will not ever be able to find out if she is a real butch or an actual FtM trans. Certainly I can't just walk up to her at work and ask.
The good part to all of this is the crew accepts her as far as I can see and I will get a chance to work with her a couple more times this week. Of course she will get a fair shot while I'm there.
The better part is she doesn't need it.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Two Is A Fun Number!

Enjoyed a long delayed evening with a female friend last night.  For whatever reason we had just not been able to get together to catch up on life. She is the one I went to the NFL game with last year.
We met in the place I go to on a regular basis. As we sat and talked a few of the friends I have met came up and it was fun and new to introduce a girlfriend as a girl.
Interestingly enough my girlness extended to the guy who called me man at the end of our music conversation the other night. (Alpha Post) He walked by and told my friend "you can't believe a word she says" referring to me! How quickly pronouns change!
The whole evening of engaging in girl talk with her and the others just reinforced in me how good it feels to be a girl!
All of the sudden the restroom issue wasn't one as we exchanged comments about the young "Elvis" pictures on the walls.  The pronoun issue wasn't one as I was addressed as "she".
For one evening at least I transitioned! The fun part was I was just being me.

Monday, August 8, 2011

What Will The Neighbors Say?

Perhaps along the way I should have explained how I come and go from my house as two different genders.
I live in an urban area in a medium sized town.
Over the years I have risked more than just being recognized.  When my wife was alive, there was the fear I would ruin our life if I was recognized by the wrong people. Thank God that never really happened.
When she passed the whole ordeal of being outed was less than a priority. I have told a story or two here when I was. Normally after I brushed the whole story off, the people who saw me talked to a close friend of mine. She refused to lie (that's cool) and said yes that's him...so what?
Fortunately my neighborhood changes quite a bit. Many rent an apartment or house and are gone within 6 months.
Some do stick around and are very interesting to interact with...when I do.
I get a lot of side glances, especially from a teenaged boy I perceive to be trans or gay who lives behind me.
No one YET has asked who is that other person?  If they are asking, chances are they already know.  I'm a very honest person and I have considered my answer...a political style change the subject.
Sure that's me but maybe it's someone else who was visiting that day.
The bottom line is it their problem  not mine.  Maybe they won't be so bored!

You Tube Blond

I keep "finding" these totally beautiful girls on YouTube .
Check out "Britney"!!!!
The girl  above is "Anthony Berry" (pictured right).
Anthony appeared in 2007 as "Shania" on the British TV show "Coronation Street"
I was going through some of my old pictures and thought I would pass it along!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Quite Possibly

http://youtu.be/ok-L3WxdaTU
Follow this link to one of the most beautiful sex changed girls I've seen on You Tube. If you follow her other posts there are pix of her as a guy.
Wow.

New Blog Roll!

I am always looking for links to other creative or informative blogs featuring the trans experience! If you would like to share a link...let me know!
The only thing I ask is you have a blog that is active!
Cyrsti

Saturday, August 6, 2011

"Alpha Guy" and Me!

"Alpha Guy" is always in one of the places I go to a couple random times a week.  Nothing wrong with that except he pounds me at trivia and I have to take it like a girl. lol. "Your so big and strong and smart and I'm so dumb" Just kidding.
Over the course of the past month or so, he has played the "eye" game with me across the bar more than once and has even spoke to me as we pass each other. So I'm thinking this guy may be a little more than intrigued by me.
As luck would have it, he showed up after me the other night and there was a seat or two open close to me. I still decided to stay  to my self and shyly  put off his attempts to talk to me until..We found a strong common interest in music.
We probably chatted for almost an hour and it was time for me to go. I said my farewell and he startled me with his.
 "I will see you man." I started to think "what the hell" ?
I was surprised when his last comment had the "M: word in it and we were all alone.
After thinking the comment through....I thought it was the only way for him to salvage his manhood!
I mean what was he going to say to the rest of the group?
I have to give him credit for stepping forward. Although you never know how much I should give him.He may have had a trans girlfriend somewhere in his past. But I digress from the "man" word.
Maybe it's a competitive guy thing. He didn't want me to think I was getting over on him with the hair clothes and makeup.  Forget the little "eye" games he plays across the bar or how it's always him that
initiates the conversation.
Maybe he just felt a little too overwhelmed with the whole experience. 
I can tell you what "man" the next time I saw him he didn't look my way once...with his wife!

In The Eye of The Storm

Had to happen. The sun and moon and stars would align and all the people in my fave spot who wanted to know more about me...are.
I have come to the conclusion a couple of the women there will never accept me and that's OK. The three others more than make up for the two.One of the three I have mentioned before.
She is the Russian "Quantum Physics" professor can totally drink anyone I've ever met under the table.She is attractive and 40ish and wonders why she doesn't have a serious man? I asked her if she could spell intimidation? Most of the guys I know as a guy would be scared to death of her! Like me, most have no idea of what Quantum Physics is and she teaches it on a graduate level?
Perhaps "whatever it is" (I'm too lazy tonight to even Google it) effects how she relates to me.
Let me relate it to you in a baseball sense.  She will throw me a pitch which looks like it is coming right down the center of the plate as girl to guy communication. Then, at the very last minute she will pull the string and it will dip into a girl to girl moment. Fascinating!
So I can live with the other "bitches" (OK I said it). Just so they don't go after my rest room privileges!
In the midst of these girls is the guy I will call the "alpha" regular and I will discuss him in the next post.

Sign of the Times?

I saw this article a couple days and just kind of dismissed it into my "isn't that good" file.
It wasn't so long ago I would have jumped at a story such as this:  "Jenifer Pool, a leader in Houston's construction industry and LGBT community, is hoping to become the city's first transgender city council member."
From "Gayaolis News". "Pool worked in the construction industry in the 1990s but was fired when she transitioned. After that, she started consulting business that assisted companies with construction management and permit issues. "
We have come a long way!

Friday, August 5, 2011

On The Way?

I took the first tentative steps towards a very different future today.
Among other things, my blood test today included a testosterone level check.
I found my therapist is qualified to prescribe hormones and she will check with others with experience in  the area.
Next week I will know more!!!!!

Kim Petras Signed





According to the "German Herald"
Sex change pop singer Kim Petras has been signed as a songwriter by Universal in advance of the first live performance of six of her own songs tomorrow (Saturday) at the Christopher Street Day (CSD) parade in Hamburg, Germany.
Kim has been given a prime time slot on the main stage at the event before an estimated 20,000 strong crowd.
As you can see "the advancing years" have not lessened Kim's appearance!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Janie Scores Again!

Well maybe you have to ask her that! lol
Now that I have your attention, a must read from Janie's Blog deserves a mention.
She has a special talent for exploring a very intricate topic and coming up with a wonderful opinion.
Her latest post can be described loosely "What came first, the cart or the horse"
Did her desire to explore and live the female role begin deep inside or appear as the result of other stimuli?
On her blog I added a comment that I feel my journey down this road may have started as a reaction to a male dominated family; teamed with the fact I lived in a rural setting with very few girls.
Maybe I ran and hid from the male expectations in my family to a safe place I really knew nothing about...girls.
Add a fetish or two and boom! there it was.  I have always simply loved being a girl.
Whatever the reason I am the way I am really doesn't matter. "I yam what I yam".
Follow my  link to "CD's Janie's Blog" it will be worth a visit!

Is Enough....Enough or More?

I can't thank all of you enough for joining me on this odyssey.
I started the blog late in May of last year. Since that time I've been fortunate to be able to add nearly 500 posts.
Every once in a while, I decide to pull out an old post, dust it off and use it again.
All of the sudden I thought the blog was getting too crowded and bringing back past thoughts was making the situation worse.
What's a girl to do?
Rearrange the house!
I've decided to start a companion blog.
I'm going to rearrange the house and move much of the old over to the new.
As soon as the new place starts to take a little more shape, I will mention it a little more.
In the meantime, this cleaning is killing me!

Under Construction?

It looks as if I'm a couple days away from approaching the VA about hormones.
Of course I've been considering this move for years. Doors opened that I never thought would and I have come out to the few remaining key people in my life. I have decided it is now or never.
This blog is enjoying over three hundred hits a day from around the world and I know I have many readers from all ends of the transgendered spectrum. I'm sure you all know what an intensely personal experience this is! Allow me to share some ideas.
First of all, it is time to take a realistic assessment of the body I plan to reconstruct.
It's been a very serviceable and durable body.
For most of my life it was male enough to shield me from bullies and moldable enough to explore being a girl. I dislike the thickness of it but respect it. It is what it is.  Even though I've lost 80 pounds or so in the past year, I will never be mistaken for a small person. On the other hand, there are many women my size or larger. Obviously their 200 pounds is distributed differently than mine...right now. 
I have no miracle expectations of an overnight weight shift on my body but I'm sure the hormones will make a difference over a period of time.
Will I miss the old body? No, I'm just modifying it. I don't foresee any major sex reassignment surgeries in my future.
The modifications would be a welcome change.  Living the split gender existence does get old sometimes.
The positive part of living how I do is having an intense look at what to expect. I have a network of friends and places I go who know me. It's not as if I'm starting from ground zero.
Again, my expectations are that over a period of time the body changes I will experience will help in the process.
I do have some worries about losing who I am as a girl.
I have personally known several girls who just weren't very nice people since they  started down the hormone path.  I can tell you I didn't know what kind of humans they were before so maybe it wouldn't have mattered anyway!
Yes, I am prepared to deal with the mood swings and I'm very interested to see how hormones will effect how I think I feel female now. Will my perception of a female thought change?
We all know the only constant in life is change. You either have change or want it and normally it is not as bad or as good as you think it will be.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Duh! It's About Time!

Lingerie Brand Markets Itself to Transgender Women.
Chrysalis Lingerie is out with a video that features Maya, a woman who used to be a man and has discovered a new-found purpose in life after becoming a woman.
Follow the link to the video showing Maya!

A Night In A Transgender Girl's Life

Last night proved to be a fun and interesting evening.
The hot weather is continuing in my part of the world and I was able to wear a very lightweight dress I have had in the closet for a while. The slight breeze on my legs did provide some relief from the heat!
My first stop was a reunion of sorts. I met a delightful couple I hadn't seen for awhile.  In the past I even took them up on an invite for pizza at their apartment.  We caught up on some girl talk while the husband hung out with another guy.  The only negative was when she used the wrong pronoun (he) with me. She was more embarassed than I was.
Later in the evening by accident I ran into a going away party. I knew several in the group and was able to talk to some women I hadn't seen for awhile.
More girl talk about family, life and clothes.
The evening can be summed up like the dress I wore. Lite, airy and suggestive at times!