Under Construction?

It looks as if I'm a couple days away from approaching the VA about hormones.
Of course I've been considering this move for years. Doors opened that I never thought would and I have come out to the few remaining key people in my life. I have decided it is now or never.
This blog is enjoying over three hundred hits a day from around the world and I know I have many readers from all ends of the transgendered spectrum. I'm sure you all know what an intensely personal experience this is! Allow me to share some ideas.
First of all, it is time to take a realistic assessment of the body I plan to reconstruct.
It's been a very serviceable and durable body.
For most of my life it was male enough to shield me from bullies and moldable enough to explore being a girl. I dislike the thickness of it but respect it. It is what it is.  Even though I've lost 80 pounds or so in the past year, I will never be mistaken for a small person. On the other hand, there are many women my size or larger. Obviously their 200 pounds is distributed differently than mine...right now. 
I have no miracle expectations of an overnight weight shift on my body but I'm sure the hormones will make a difference over a period of time.
Will I miss the old body? No, I'm just modifying it. I don't foresee any major sex reassignment surgeries in my future.
The modifications would be a welcome change.  Living the split gender existence does get old sometimes.
The positive part of living how I do is having an intense look at what to expect. I have a network of friends and places I go who know me. It's not as if I'm starting from ground zero.
Again, my expectations are that over a period of time the body changes I will experience will help in the process.
I do have some worries about losing who I am as a girl.
I have personally known several girls who just weren't very nice people since they  started down the hormone path.  I can tell you I didn't know what kind of humans they were before so maybe it wouldn't have mattered anyway!
Yes, I am prepared to deal with the mood swings and I'm very interested to see how hormones will effect how I think I feel female now. Will my perception of a female thought change?
We all know the only constant in life is change. You either have change or want it and normally it is not as bad or as good as you think it will be.


Popular Posts