Transgender Fear versus Ignorance

Ohio State Student Union
Jessie Hart Archives

 Often I think all the right wing attacks in our country and elsewhere come from fear of what a transgender woman or trans man can bring to the table. After all we have had the opportunity to experience the two primary binary genders from both the male and female perspectives. Some people have a tendency to become uneasy when you have the possibility of knowing just a little too much of where they are coming from personality wise. Others carry very little self esteem and are always looking for the slightest edge when it comes to thinking they are better than someone else. I perceive many "TERF's" as suffering from gender insecurities normally reserved for men. "TERF's" by the way are Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist's. 

Perhaps the radical feminist's are fearful transgender women will find out too well how it is to be a woman and have access to too many feminine privileges. I have been fortunate in that my personal dealings with TERF's has been fairly rare. Going back several years ago when I was asked at a lesbian Valentine's Day dance what my real name was, all the way to being refused acceptance into my wife Liz's lesbian social club. Which she promptly left. 

I looked at the groups refusal to accept me as pure ignorance and nothing more.  These days though I perceive all anti-transgender rhetoric is mostly fear based in where it comes from. How could we trans folks have the courage to live as our authentic selves when others in the world are stuck in their mundane existence. Plus, as I have mentioned before, gender all by itself is a powerful force. So much so, many parents are afraid to discuss it with their children. They would rather take extreme measures such as banning books on the subject from schools and libraries. All stemming from a deep seated ignorance of the subject. Since the number of true transgender women or men is a small portion of the overall population, very few people ever have the chance to meet and know a trans person and realize we are not much different than the average person.

Then there are the drag queens who all of the sudden became threatened with all this far reaching anti-LGBT legislation. Once again it seems in some circles, transgender women are being mistaken for drag queens. Or vice versa. We will see how a few of the smug seemingly protected cis gay males take it when their rights come into question again. If motivated, they can bring at the least, monetary resources to help with the upcoming battles. 

Maybe I am making too much of the fear aspect out of all of this. In many circumstances fear comes from ignorance on a subject. The only way around all the ignorance is education. I consider being able to be out and proud with my authentic life is a blessing. Hopefully I will be able to help those coming behind me with my actions.

Well, It was a Good Idea

 As I previously wrote about, yesterday was the day of the college class I was supposed to attend with several other LGBTQ board members of the group I am part of. 

As it turned out, I drove an hour and fifteen minutes one way to not ever locate the classroom I was looking for. 

Needless to say, I was deeply disappointed. 

Better luck next time.

So Close yet So Far

 Every morning when I wake up, after I figure out which part of my old body hurts me the worst, I begin to think about what I will write about here in Cyrsti's Condo, 

After more than six thousand posts over the years, often it's not the easiest process. 

This morning, the idea didn't come until I was talking to Liz about our past experience with Ohio University (not Ohio State) OU is a medium sized school in Southern Ohio which happens to have a well respected communication school. 

It was of interest to me because at the time, I had over five years experience in the radio business as an announcer (DJ), was just out of the Army and had a couple years of GI Bill money I could use on education. Since I already possessed a bachelors degree, the natural move would have been to work on my Masters in Communication. 

To make a long story short, I didn't do it. I used all my usual excuses such as having a new daughter and not really wanting to uproot my little party world by moving to another. Looking back on it now, the real reason I was afraid of moving myself ahead was rooted in my gender dysphoria. When times became real tough mentally, I could always fall back on wearing a dress and makeup. I just bought into the fake reality that women somehow had an easier life.

The more accomplished I became with my feminine appearance, I became so close to actually finding out what women went through but remained so far away. Worse yet, I used the process to become very self destructive in my life. Too much angst led to too much alcohol as I tried to self medicate my bi polar tendencies away. All mixed in with a very strong gender dysphoria. 

The end result is I am surprised I happened along several women who loved me over the years and I was able to survive and actually thrive on occasion.

Until I was actually able to fully complete my Mtf gender transition though, I finally was able to put my so close yet so far reality in the rear view mirror. 

Living my authentic life still seems like a dream after all these years.