Gender is a BIG Deal

 

Image from Dwayne Joe
on UnSplash.

Gender is a huge deal in our society in America and around the world. You can’t go for a minute on the news or social media without someone pointing out how powerful their gender is.

Plus, just consider how many “gender reveal” parties that are going on these days before the child has a chance to choose for themselves. And I won’t even get into intersex children which have to with whatever a doctor decides about their ambiguous gender at birth. How confusing can that be to overcome later in life.

Regardless, gender is a big deal. We are expected to abide by the results of what our genitals are telling us. Not regarding at all what our minds are screaming at us, that something is certainly wrong with what we are being told. For me, it was being shoved into a dark hole with no way out. Mainly because I was born as the eldest son into a very male dominated extended family where women ruled from behind their men. Maybe that is where I learned the hard way on my own, what it meant to be a strong ciswoman. In her own way, mom held the family together in many ways that dad did not as for years, he was busy being the main provider in the family. Leaving me to wonder what I could ever do to follow in her footsteps.

It took me years of experience of being a cross-dresser, then a transwoman to decide which direction my life should take me. Towards the masculine side I was born into, or the feminine side which I kept leaning towards in so many ways. My male gender kept pulling me back to a life which I had become comfortable in and just did not want to let go. More precisely, it took me five decades of searching to finally decide which life I wanted to lead. The one I was currently comfortable in, or the new exciting life I felt so natural living. A homecoming of sorts.

I write often of my experimental gender years when I did my best to learn if I entered the world of ciswomen for good. Since I did not have the feminine upbringing, they did, I had many surprises. Some good, some bad but the bad ones brought with them an opportunity to improve. That was when I found how big of a deal gender was with some people while others just seemed to take it for granted. Such as the gender haters such as TERFS who women who fanatically guard their femininity like some sort of mean gatekeepers who want to keep all transgender women out. Fortunately, in my life, I have only encountered evil TERFS who resented me for just wanting to cross the gender border and live as a transfeminine person. I learned to ignore them and they eventually went away and left me alone.

Then, we cannot ignore the effect of the ultra-masculine and feminine athletes of the world have on the youth they have looking up to them all the time. It is more apparent during Pride month when baseball teams attempt to honor their LGBTQIA+ fans by wearing rainbow themed uniforms and some teams protest.  Can you imagine that happening in the National Football League where over the years, only a few players have come out as gay. Percentages dictate there are more (even transgender players) who are still in their closets in the NFL. Whatever the case, it is obvious gender worship overcomes hero worship most of the time with young fans. At least with the lucky fans who do not have any gender issue problems like I did when I was young. I knew I could never play professional football but as a fallback, could I ever become the woman I dreamed of.

As I continued to attempt to find my way in a new world, I did not know how many stop signs I would encounter. First of all, how I looked then as I improved my feminine presentation, what was I going to do about how I was moving about and communicating with the world. All the way to using the restroom of my choice (women’s). Sure, I was scared to enter women only spaces, but I learned through careful observation that I could use the restroom I wanted to if I was careful to follow all the rules. Which I could write a whole other post about. To put it briefly, the greatest majority of ciswomen I faced in the restroom were just there to do what I was doing, and it was no big deal. They were just going where their gender had always told them to go. I had never had that luxury, so I needed to learn what they had always known. My gender workbook had no chapters on using women’s only spaces.

It was also important for me to get out of the gay venues I was always going to and test the world one on one as myself. There was no way to tell if I could ever be successful as the person I dreamed of if I was always only perceived as a drag queen. I knew it would be difficult for me to be mistaken for a ciswoman in society, but I hoped I could make it as a successful transfeminine person just getting by in the world. The more I lived in this new world, the more I knew how big a deal it was to me and I tried even harder. Mainly to become the friendly outgoing woman I always wanted to be. Going back to my young male days.

I discovered too that I had a huge sense of accomplishment when I was able to carve out a new life for myself. Mainly in the straight venues of the world, I used to frequent often when I was a man. It was all I could ever ask for and so much more.

Gender turned out to be the biggest deal of my life.

 

 

Wrestle Mania

 First of all, I need to send out an apology to all of you who have commented on previous posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. My excuse is, for once I have been busy in my everyday life with Doctor's appointments, completing taxes and other fun filled things to do. 

So, I am going to try to get to a few comments, including the one featuring WWE wrestler Tyler Reks  coming out as transgender. 

Gabbi Tuft Tyler Reks

The first comment comes from "Sara":

"Tyler Reks as I remember was not a big name wrestler and these guys have dreams of making it big, but all too soon fade away... So I was quite surprised to hear you mention this! I checked his bio and sure enough the 1st sentence mentions her female name and pronouns! unfortunately it also mentions her "dead name" because wrestling ring names are often an attention getting stage name, there are only a few that actually use their real name It's not that I doubted what you reported, but it just sounded too good to be true!"

Thanks for checking Sara. I do the best I can to check sources but most of the time it is very difficult.

The next comment from "Connie":

"How does one wrestle in a wig and wearing silicone breast forms? I have enough trouble just doing yard work; bending over, lifting, and perspiring. More than once, I've had to grab my wig as it's been snagged on a limb, not to mention a breast form that slipped out of my bra because it had gotten so slippery from sweat.

John Lithgow played the part of an ex-NFL tight end who was transitioning mtf in "The World According to Garp." His portrayal was, at that time, far from the weirdest thing in that movie. I would hope that it wouldn't seem to be weird, at all, these days.

Who knows, maybe Tom has a desire to be Marsha Brady. He's tried to deflate his balls, anyway. :-)"

For those of you who don't remember, NFL QB Tom Brady was once accused of using deflated footballs to get a better grip and cheated in the process.

As far as having my breasts slip out of their bra, I still have that sensation every now and then even though my breasts are now attached to my body through the miracle of hormone replacement therapy. Also, in the past when I wore wigs, I had the misfortune one night when I ran out of gas and was walking home to have a low hanging tree snag my wig. 

Finally, I am sure if Gabbi Tuft tries to continue to wrestle, she will soon learn how sensitive the breast area becomes and will have to perhaps learn from other women wrestlers how to protect herself.  Could be the least of her problems!

I really appreciate all of your comments!

Sports Fan?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have written often about how I felt when I began to cross the Mtf gender frontier and began living as a transgender woman.

One of the problems I had was reconciling my life long love of sports with my new life. Slowly but surely, I learned I didn't have to. Following some unfortunate happenings at gay venues (being discriminated against) I began to seek out a few of my former haunts to see if I could succeed in them. A couple were big sports bars/restaurants. As it turned out, for the most part I could go, watch my sports, drink my beer and be a woman. And, as an extra benefit, I met a couple other women (lesbians) who happened to share my love of sports. We had a great time and on occasion even were joined by another trans woman friend of mine.

Perhaps my biggest sports events came at professional baseball and football games in Cincinnati. One of my friends and I went to a couple Cincinnati Reds games followed by a NFL Monday Night Football game, again in downtown Cincinnati. What I remember the most was the abject fear of discovery from sitting around the same people (strangers) for such a long period. Even outdoing my fear of using the rest room. It all proved to be unfounded because, surprise-surprise, the other people were there to watch the game...not me.

All of this brings me to a similar comment from Connie:

"A major milestone, early in my transition, was reached when I actually went to a Mariners game. Sitting for three hours in one place among the same group of people opens one up to the potential of scrutiny like nothing else could. That was my fear, anyway. While there is plenty of downtime during a baseball game to do some people watching, I don't think I have ever been considered to be much more than just another fan who paid for a ticket, thus having the same right to be there as anyone else. I've been to many games since, and the only time I've sensed disapproval at a game was for snagging a foul ball from the guy who was falling over my back to get it for himself. Everyone else gave me a cheer!

Really, though, if one is tentative about being in a crowd of people, I would urge them to try to forget about anyone else. Chances are that they aren't going to even notice you, either. Besides, there's safety in a crowd. I'm much more aware (and rightfully so) when walking alone in a parking lot; all women should be"

So, if you are thinking of pursuing .your love of sports as a transgender woman or cross dresser, hitch up your big girl panties and do it!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Overheard on my Twitter account last night:

"Will the NFL now come up with a new concussion protocol when their players hit women?"

You ARE Gay Dammit!

Just when you thought it was OK to come out of the closet and be the NFL's first openly gay player (if he makes the team) Michael Sam was shown smooching his boyfriend after he was drafted. (Left) Of course many are in shock now over the public display of affection but if you ask anyone who has watched the draft closely over recent years-it certainly has looked on occasion that NFL Commissioner Goodell was leaning in for a smootch from NFL players on more than one occasion! So Sam's smootch was not the NFL's first man on man kiss!  Goodell had him beat years ago!

Speaking of the "G" word, if you recall me writing about the wife and daughter of the guy who mis-pronoun-ed me last night, the daughter made sure she didn't make a mistake with me.  When her and her Mom were having the conversation with me about being a transgender woman, Mom said something about me being gay.  Of course I said, I'm transgender not gay.  I had to love the daughter when she said: you (me) are here with two women, your partner is a woman and you identify as a woman-you are GAY! 

I said you are right!

Gay in the NFL

Breaking news from the sports site : SB NATION.

Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo was released by Baltimore this offseason, and on the heels of comments earlier this week where he suggested that he was cut in part because of his outspoken stance on gay rights and equality issues, Ayanbadejo clarified himself to the Baltimore Sun on Friday. During an hour-long interview he made it clear that he harbors no resentment for the Ravens, and respects them for the support they offered him throughout his career both on and off the field. But that's not all. When the conversation turned to his work with gay rights and the question of when we might see an openly gay player in the NFL, Ayanbadejo had this to say: "I think it will happen sooner than you think," Ayanbadejo said. "We're in talks with a handful of players who are considering it. There are up to four players being talked to right now and they're trying to be organized so they can come out on the same day together. It would make a major splash and take the pressure off one guy. It would be a monumental day if a handful or a few guys come out." Ayanbadejo's release not related to advocacy The 36-year old linebacker says he was misquoted in a report claiming his release was related to his stance on gay rights. He took to Twitter to defend his former team. In other words, everyone prepare themselves for the most insane day of the NFL offseason in human history. A day to make the sports world explode, basically. And it would be awesome.

For more go here.

Makes Sense

This all makes sense if you take a second to think about it and is very humorous:

The NFL Dallas Cowboys for some reason didn't settle a dispute over the domain name Cowboys.com.
Now it's a gay man's dating site.

No need to put out a few more bucks for a domain name if you are putting out mega bucks for a stadium-right?
Plus, don't gay cowboys deserve a site too?