Normal?

Saturday was one of those rare days when I felt relatively "normal." Before you jump to conclusions, I know the concept of "normal" is highly subjective.  To narrow it down, to a gender dysphoric person normality is being able to navigate society without being stared at or unnecessarily being singled out.

To arrive at the point I achieved yesterday, first I had to feel secure in the way I looked. I wore a pair of my favorite leggings, boots and a nice sweater. I felt the outfit was slimming and showed off my legs. Also, I was able to mousse my hair Friday night after my shower, enhancing my wavy hair. All in all, for once I felt I made the most of what I had to work with.

As far as makeup went, the less is more look worked well without my glasses. And, while I am on the subject of makeup, Friday night when Liz and I went out with the cross dresser - transgender group, another trans woman asked me if Liz did my makeup? I was stunned. I have always done my own makeup. I know too, sometimes it looks like it. Despite being a "natural" lesser makeup person, Liz used to be an Avon beauty consultant. So she does know enough to tell me if I look like a clown. Overall, my goal is to externally project as a "lipstick" trans-lesbian. Hows that for putting a label on everything?

As the evening progressed, we stopped for dinner at an upscale Creole Restaurant we have been meaning to try out for quite a while. All the cooking is done from scratch by a chef trained in New Orleans by Emeril Lagasse. The food was great and we were served by a woman who seemed only concerned about overselling us on appetizers and drinks. One way or another, It's always nice not to be noticed.

From there, our Witches Ball group was meeting for coffee at the coffee chain Connie hates...I will let you use your imagination. It's always good to get together with these friends who accept me for me.

So, all in all, the day was a reaffirming day as far as my gender dysphoria went.

I wait for it to go away all together but so far it shows no sign of leaving anytime soon.   

 

Will You Take Half a Man-Part Two

I have received several very good comments to my recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning a recent coming out to a genetic woman in my family.

The point I don't think she ever really understood- was why I wasn't sexually attracted to men, now or ever. Believe me, I have wondered about that too.  In my past, I have "made out" with guys and kissed a few who bothered not to stand me up on a date...or even didn't spit on the floor after they kissed me...really?  All of that aside, all I can say is-the spark just isn't there. Say what you want (and more than a few will), identifying as a trans lesbian puts me even a notch lower on the mythical "I'm more Trans than you" scale. The fact remains, I'm way past that kind of criticism and I know the rather archaic idea of a man dictating the femininity of a woman wouldn't play well to any of my lesbian and most of my straight women friends. As Marion commented though:

These are questions that many in the cis-gendered world do not have a clue about. They think that gender presentation and identification are related to gender preference. And until they see that these are separate, we have a lot of educating before us....

Education indeed is the key word and it is happening more than we know. In fact, my family friend ( to my surprise) had a real grasp of what a transgender woman was all about, from a couple of television shows she had seen.  More importantly, her grasp wasn't a negative one.  Just because she had problems understanding the gender versus sexuality concept didn't make the experience any worse.  I sometimes don't think many in the transgender - cross dressing community have it figured out either.

So, I think by now all of you know I was happy with the experience. In a future post, I will have to pull a few coming out excerpts from my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book .

Speaking of the book, I do have several readers who took the time to leave wonderful reviews such as Don and Mindy.  I'm so insecure, I was afraid to even look!!! If you follow the Amazon link on the upper right hand side of the blog, you can buy it for your Kindle.

Finally, Jen said it best (instead of a half a man)  I think it's more like two for the price of one, or maybe "get this special bonus" if you act before midnight :-)

Busier Than a One Armed Paper Hanger!

I think this was one of my famous phrases in the daily management communications log in one of the restaurants I worked in "Outta Time, Outta Money, Outta Luck!" (The evening was particularly tough.)  The statement could describe to a degree the rest of this month for me.

Liz and I are only two weeks and a couple days from the Trans Ohio Symposium weekend May 30, 31, and June 1st.  My workshop will be the same as last year-the basic where, how and whys of how I was able to begin HRT and transition so late in life.  Liz, on the other hand should be doing her own workshop about being the partner of a person who does.  The dynamics of how we identify alone, causes many heads to spin.

As of now and probably in the foreseeable future, both of us retain our birth genitalia. I retained my sexual attraction to women as did Liz.   All of that is simple enough until everyone wants to know how Liz and I met and was it when I was more or less a guy.  (No I wasn't.)

Perhaps a workshop could be called "The Taboo of Trans Lesbianism and It's Effect on the Gay and Lesbian Community."  Then again, I'm lucky to get done what I have to do, with workshop handouts etc.

I have also given myself a deadline to get my book "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" E-published by then.  I'm going through the "Vook" publishing tool, from which for a fee, they distribute to Amazon and Barnes & Noble. In order for all that to happen I have to leave an extra week of time.  So, using anther time honored expression from my Dad growing up, "It's time to S__t or get off the pot."  As you can see, I'm a "outta time person writing."

In the cash department,  no difference either.  I knew coming into all of this and taking an early Social Security retirement, I would have to scramble to make ends meet-and I have.  So now,  I'm not buying any new sun dresses for a Caribbean cruise.  I would just get sick on it anyhow!  I'm just trying to scratch together a few extra sheckles for some party time in Columbus (Ohio) which is a wonderfully diverse city.

Finally, I have always believed luck is what you make of it.  When I set myself up to do dumb or impossible things, I did fail and vice versa. Sort of like thinking the mini skirt and heels I wore to the mall so many years ago was a good idea! Now,   to the best of my ability, I think what I'm doing at Trans Ohio is the right thing for the right reasons and at the end of the day-that's all I can do.

So forgive me if Cyrsti's Condo is looking a little dusty these days.  Maybe I can get one of those cross dressed  "French Maid Sissy Types" (Pictured at left.)  to come clean it?  Will she work for fish nets and heels?

Endangered Species?

In some circles, trans lesbians are held in the same view as trans women male admirers.  For some reason, people can't make the separation between gender and sexuality and think a transgender woman who identifies with lesbians is just a cross dresser trying to invade the "hen house".Or worse yet, you are labeled a total transgender "pretender" if you don't need the validation of your femininity through a man. (I have here)

Of course though I'm biased. As most of you know my partner is a genetic female and yes, a lesbian. But you know, I'm totally fine with what you do, along as it doesn't hurt me-or others.

If you are wondering, I the trans woman on the left is Andrea Scott who I believe is also a transgender vet. 

Trans Dating

The Canadian National News recently published 7 tips on transgender on line dating.
The tips are pretty simple stuff (no they aren't). In the so called hetero normal dating world. it's not a cake walk either and we trans folk are just a wee bit different.
One of the harder facts to accept for a few of us more mature women and men is the fact on line dating is as popular and productive as it is.  I can't quote the number but an amazing amount of people these days are successful on line.
The first suggestion I rejected immediately: "Why not try a transgender dating site?"

Candis Cayne probably  NOT the best example of transgender dating used  by  article.

Most that I have seen don't appear to be very reputable if you are really trying to break the transgender/cross dresser stereotype of sex first-relationship later.
Then the problems start. The article mentions honesty. If you go to most of the mainstream dating sites it's nearly impossible to find one who even has a transgender option...yet.
Then what do you do? What I did in a couple places I visited was I never took the male option (said I was female) but I mentioned in the first sentence of my profile my transgender status. Others I took the male route with my picture and let the chips fall where they may. I sort of made value judgements depending on the site.
Through out the process you have to factor in your sexual preference. Are you a trans lesbian for example?
I was surprised how seemingly unconcerned the article was about honesty. It's just me but I would hate to live any of my life with another person without disclosing my gender past.
Regardless, it's worth a visit here to read more ideas on a very complex subject.
Finally, make sure you check out the cost factor. Nothing is free! Once you sign up-that is what you get for free. Anything else is extra. Also watch for the hidden "automatic" renewal option.
Good luck  be patient and careful and you can win. A date in my book is not a guy showing up at my house who isn't willing to be seen in public with me.
You have to be wary (as any genetic women knows) of where you are and who you are with to the best of your ability.
The chance to learn about a potential date without exposing yourself to harm is never fool proof but you can use chat systems like Yahoo without even giving out your cell number.
There are quality people out there but you must be prepared to sort out a lot of trash to find them.