KIlling Me Softly...

With his song!
OK girlfriends, I don't pretend to be a music critique. But as you know I'm not shy on writing about what I like and dislike with you!
I do live in the Central Ohio area (Go Buckeyes!) and the 4th Saturday of every month a mixer is held for T-Folks at "Club Diversity" in Columbus.
Last Saturday was actually my third visit and truthfully mixers aren't really my cup of tea or glass of beer. I don't mix well and actually I'm kind of shy.
Fortunately I was meeting a new friend from Columbus and we attended together. She is gorgeous and was immediately attacked by a couple of dirty old men in dresses-leaving me to kind of roam the club.
"Diversity" is located in an old Victorian house just south of downtown and does have a very diverse clientele!
In the main room with the bar is a small entertainment area.  As I walked by, the musician was singing "Angie" by the Stones. I liked it!
As luck would have it, as the night progressed I kept making my way back to hear more of "Shane" who was the entertainer. To preclude being a total bitch, I still made my presence known with the T-crowd...but loved Shane's music! The mix of music I heard was classic and diverse and kept bringing me back.
Finally, I could only describe my emotion "Roberta Flack" style. Shane was "Killing me softly with his song"!
It has been years since I've felt that way about music!
If you live in my area and would like to hear a non-rap, diverse (Beatles, Stones, Seger and MUCH more) musician- I know Shane will be back at "Diversity" November 6th. I do have an E-Mail if you would like more info!
The nice thing is I wasn't killed softly and can still chat  with you!

Can You Ever Go Home Again?

If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

So Much-So Little Time!

As fall and October get ready to make their appearance (already has where I live) there are so many things to consider!
I already bought a pair of new fall boots that I managed to fall in last night in front of a bunch of people. I know what your thinking! The boots were not the four inch stiletto style. Still had a heel of course but not enough to go down!!!! Just a little sore in the body and very sore in the ego department!
But girl friends it's almost the magical time of the year called Halloween!
If you've got that fun Halloween story, feel free to share it here!
I have mixed emotions about the day now. Since I'm out so much, I can't attend a party with friends. There is too much of a chance that they have seen me!
But some of the bigger parties at venue's in the area are too much fun to pass up. I went to a big outdoor event last year and just kind of hung out and watched the crowd.
I pretty much just went as female. No real costume.
This year it might be fun to head out to one of the big straight clubs..haven't decided yet!
Halloween was my first high heeled step out of the closet. It very much has a near and dear place in my heart! I dressed as a hooker years ago and went to a party with friends and ended up telling them it was more than a costume to me!
Two rules, however-don't expect to win a contest unless you are dressed as a female
character. (not just as a girl) Sarah Palen comes to mind. Rule two is don't expect to present easily as female! People are really looking at each other!
Then again you may not want to on Halloween! Don't know what delicious trouble you could get into!
Trick or Treat!

Quote of the Week!

To be or not to be; that is the question.

I am everything and nothing – male/female, beautiful/ugly, shy/outgoing, saint/sinner, humble/egotistical and I’ve been known to be happy, sad and angry all at the same time. I am, and more importantly, I am not.
Wish i was good enough to write it!
The quote comes from a person called "Ophelia Rising" on the "Genderfork.Com" sight!

Disclaimer!

I thought I might post a small disclaimer to my book and "how to guide" on the blog.
What you are seeing here are works in progress.
If they seem to be a little off center it's because I'm working on them!
The goal is to remember and add different experiences that could be a value to someone else!
Thanks to all!
Cyrsti

Another New Term?

Aw-right girls. Start making fun of me now for either living in a cave OR introducing yet another new term-"Bi Gender".
I saw it as a question on another blog. Of course I had to throw in my two cents worth!
I am a "bi gender" person. It means to me that one day I can live as a girl and a guy the next. It takes a lot of work for me since I'm not an androgynous looking person.
As a guy I've been able to run with the "alpha males" and as a girl I've been fairly good at moving through society with few problems. I shop, party and socialize mainly as a girl.
None of this came easy and I would not recommend it to my worst enemy.
On the other hand my girl side absolutely adores her girlfriends (real) and female communication, clothes etc. More importantly I do feel a deep satisfaction in my soul when I'm presenting female. Not enough, however to do it permanently.
Bi gender should mean you can take the best of both genders and mold yourself into this wonderful person. Both of me have not perfected this! Yet I have had some truly outstanding moments in both genders. In a strange way, I've been blessed.
When life gives you lemons-you make lemonade. When life gives you two genders to play with-you play!

The Sun, The Moon-The Stars....

Finally came back together and I had a great day out yesterday!
For some reason, my presentation was off kilter and too much male was showing through on about three of my previous outings.
I've told you girls about my percentage plan. I consider a good day when only a few people break their necks turning to look and stare. I was breaking a few necks recently!
I went back to the basic shorter black straight look which is not as much fun but presents better.
Actually I was out two days in a row with little or no reaction from anyone. This included one night at a straight bar restaurant when I went in late and ate! Usually the hardest test is passing folks who have a chance to look at me for awhile. But it worked!
I paired the outfit up with jeans and my cami that shows the girls well and just a little tiny bit of bare tummy.
The fun part about the look is that I can really highlight my eyes which everyone says are my best feature!
I will have to get a picture with yet another of my sunglasses (which are my latest summer addiction) for you.
What a relief it is to have both of my lives back in order and thanks to all of you for reading!

Transgender.A Blessing OR A Curse?

For transgender folks like us, this question has burned a deep hole in our psyche.
On one hand we hate one side of ourselves. On the other we can't wait to return to the other side.
How many times have I written about the joy of feeling my long curls on my bare back and shoulders or the soft feel of a skirt on my freshly shaven legs. How exotic is it to throw back my shoulders and give my "girls" a little extra exposure in a soft slinky form fitting top. I will forever remember the looks I have had on occasion that I know saw me as female.
I also remember the looks that didn't. The pointing, the whispering and yes-even the laughter. How many times have I wanted to go home and forget any of this insanity ever happened?
But then there are times when friends of both genders approach me with questions about their opposite gender.
Why do guys act a certain way? Why do women? They believe I should know, and I'm learning!
The blessing is to have been added to several female circles and to learn a whole new form of communication.
The secrets of genetic females aren't so earth shattering-their reactions to them are. Just one glance can say it all about a guy being an idiot.
The curse is the amount of time it takes an individual to understand what is going on and how to make it a positive. Letting your female grow up and learn is a painful process! Just like with genetic females.
The curse is sharing her with family and friends. Most men really don't want anything to do with you and women have a whole different of way of letting you be a part but not accepting you as a friend. Especially a spouse!
During the course of history, transgendered people have been elevated to higher levels in certain societies.
We just have to learn to elevate our inner selves in the meantime!

Quick Quote!

Ana Fernatt, a contributor to Chicago Now! Writes an "Accidentally Sexy" Blog. She says a woman should be "classy and fabulous!' Great words to live by.

New Quote

T-girls are a different breed of woman. We don't think exactly like women - and we don't act like men. We're unique. We're the best of both sexes!

I "Rhoda" in to a Transgender Friendly Place!

To many of you girls who are entrenched in your closet, or those who are tentatively stepping out-here is a story that I hope will help.
Some of it is repeated in the "Handy Dandy" how to post but please be patient with me. I'm more mature and we do things like repeat ourselves!
Number one, when you shop-the great majority of clerks will love you!
Especially "DeeDee" at Charming Charlie's in Dayton. I've plugged the place before. It's just a great spot for accessorizing your wardrobe! Jewelry, bags, earrings and the such!
I was in the store for about 5 minutes or so when she introduced herself and asked if I needed any help.
I said "no" and then she said "are you (me) Rhoda?" Rhoda is "Rhoda Horse" and she is a beautiful blond performer in the Dayton, Ohio area.
I said "I'm flattered, but I'm not and actually Rhoda and I are much different breeds of the same cat."
Quickly, I explained. (I had serious shopping to do!) Rhoda does female to perform. I do female as a lifestyle.
So, if you are ever around the "Greene" off of I-675 outside of Dayton look the store up and definately ask for DeeDee!
Sales people such as DeeDee can offer you some great insight into your look and you offer them a respite from a all too often grumpy female clientele.
Shopping as a girl is truly an occasion when you can use being transgendered to your benefit!

OMG! My Own Jerry Springer Moment!

It finally happened! My own Springer transgender moment. Perhaps you've seen or have heard of Springer's non ending parade of transgender girls whose boy friends don't know the truth. Of course I had to go down that road myself. Accidentally!
In my constant quest to spread my self too thin on the world wide web, I decided to set up a "My Space" site.
As you probably know, they make the set up so easy a "cave girl" could do it! What they don't do is give us a transgender option and when in doubt I choose female...but I make no secret of the fact I'm a transgendered girl. In fact on "My Space" I listed transgender in about the third sentence of my profile.
SO! the first two "I'm madly in love with you" guys didn't bother to read and just looked at the pix. (Just being guys, right?)
By the time we got to the third round of bringing me home to mom-I asked "Hey!" did you read my profile? Well, no they didn't.
The first one was a bit more worldly and asked if I was transgendered, did I have a ... I said yes, three of them and they are great cats who need to be fed and keep the mice under control!
At least he said "bye!"
The second one was from somewhere in Virginia and never really understood what being transgendered was all about. He never even said goodbye!
The moral of the story is you won't see me on Springer with the internet boyfriend who didn't know I was transgendered. But if you do-I sign autographs!!!!

Just When You Think....

Have it together, here comes another question!
It's Saturday night and I went out after my Buckeyes posted a big win!
I was going to a slightly upscale place so I was looking for a special outfit. After digging through the closet, I found this black shortish "flippy" skirt.
I paired it with a white "T" under a black jacket. I loved it!
I took off and went to my spot. As I walked through the main room to the bar, I thought "I shaved my legs for this?" Yes and it was fabulous. Freshly shaved bare legs brushing the skirt and I was in heaven.
I also went blond for the evening which is always kind of a reach. The blond does get more attention which is always not so good. I don't know if blond's really do have more fun but they get more attention!
I found a seat at the bar and was watching my Reds struggle with the Pirates when a tallish black guy with dreads sat down next to me. Being black is not really a factor, just part of the story later.
He was alone for about 10 minutes when his girlfriend showed up. I thought since she was there I wouldn't have to prepare for impromptu conversation.
WRONG.
Following another short time span, he turned to me and said "do people treat you differently?" I said "No-Why?" "Do people treat you differently because you a a big black guy with dreads?" He just laughed.
He was actually very polite but had to ask a few more questions. The first question was one I should have printed on cards with an answer and my name!
"Why do you dress as a female?" Because I want to, I love the feel of the experience, my soul tells me it's right and I can.
The answer seemed to satisfy him and he only asked one more question (what was my given male name) before he turned back to his girl who was chatting with another woman next to her.
My only disappointment was getting read by him. It wasn't the first and won't be the last. It really just drives me to work harder. Saturday I hoped I presented as good as I felt! Hopefully to the remainder of the patrons I did.

Urban Nights

As I mentioned in my previous post, I said I would get back to my "Urban Nights" story. I actually had three experiences this weekend. Not all good!
Friday night was fabulous! The weather was perfect-an early fall evening in Ohio.
I wore my "bestest" jeans and kind of a slinky form fitting top. The whole outfit was designed to show off "the girls". I wore comfortable flip flops and pretty much blended well with a middle age to younger upscale group of people.
Ironically, most of the crowd didn't seem to notice me at all. The exceptions were women in my own age group. I noticed a few "side glances" and a couple quick eye contacts. Could have been anything from reading me to just noticing my style which is a little uptempo for a girl my age!
That look is exactly what I strive for! I hate it when women automatically start cutting their hair shorter and use less of everything when they get a little older.
At any rate the feel of the hair clothes and body was fun and satisfying! Sensual even!
Halloween is the next big event there!
Don't have to tell you what that means.
Friday, in many ways was the highlight. I'll have more for you girls later!

Gender Quake?

Have you heard the term? I suppose it describes the blending of the genders in the younger generation.
Last night I went out to a downtown art and music festival in Dayton (more on that in another post) and of course stopped for a nightcap in my fave tavern. It was a slow sports night and they were showing video's on one of their zillion big screens.
"Lady Gaga" soon showed up. I have to tell you I'm not her biggest fan. It sure has hurt her career! But you've probably heard of her transgender rumors.
If she is or isn't a boy isn't really the point. (She really could be!) Drawing attention to the transgender scene in a positive way is the great win for all of us!
Maybe to an extent the Springer Show even is a positive-IF you think that any publicity is good publicity. I don't think that but...
It probably is time for more transgender programming on networks such as TLC,BBC, Discovery etc.
"Degrassi" has a FTM high school character so hopefully more is on the way.
Personally, I would like to see a show or two about people who live in both genders.

TransgenderTrap?

"Trapped in a man's body" is a phrase that has received a lot of attention over the years in the transgender community.
During the past week and a half I've been trapped in that body.(I have a brutal work schedule and have not been able to play) But have I really been trapped in that body at all?
That body has treated me well over the years. It has been blessed with excellent health and some questionable intelligence.
More importantly that body has allowed Cyrsti to be a kept woman. It still earns the income for her existence.
That body has also provided the basics to go out in the world as a female. It has had the basics to jump the gender barrier.
Drawbacks? Sure! The size that allowed some athletic action and less bullying as a youth had it's benefits. Now the bigger wrists and broader back are not so useful.
However, as age increases I'm experiencing a natural hormone replacement therapy. The once dark body hair has grayed and thinned considerably. Leg hair is easier to keep under control and beard cover is much easier. In addition, my skin is softening noticeably.
The biggest drawback are breasts. If a genie jumped out of a bottle and granted me 3 requests-breasts would be very high up the list. In the future a full time girl existence is very possible. I can't put that body through all the surgery but I would put it through breast enhancement. I just want the sensuality!
Well, it's obvious you can't have your cake and eat it too. The calories just go to your hips! But as the "Rolling Stones" once sang-"You don't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need."
That body has given me that. I guess I was never trapped in it anyhow!

Handy Dandy How To Page

The first installment of my transgender "how to" page is up in it's own room!
Been wanting to do it for awhile!
I hope in the future to make it a feature you can add to!
Thanks girl friends!

Walk a mile in my wing tips.

What are your ideas concerning ftm transgendered folks?
For the longest time it seemed the transgender scene was dominated by males wanting to be females.
At least one prominent theory was that women could wear men's clothes and participate in many male activities without the stigma attached to a guy dressing feminine. Girls didn't have to travel far to be guys.
All of that of course is true- but slowly many of the documentaries dealing with sexual reassignment began to focus on women wanting to become men. REAL men. Not a woman in men's clothes.
What a concept!  That idea to me is as foreign as the women I see who put absolutely no work or thought into how they look.
Trading in the soft curves and skin for a hairy face and deep voice? I don't think so!
Along the way I sat down and watched a couple of these programs and even met a couple girl/guys.
OMG (always wanted to use that) they are just like us and I'm such a geek!
They feel like guys! Pretty simple stuff.  Still, positive media coverage of any of our issues is so hard to come by.
Hopefully, the new publicity will get the men out of their "man caves" and into a place we all can understand!

Narcistic Bitch?

After reading my latest post-I thought what a bitch I was!
All the eyes on me and comments like that must have all of you thinking that. I would.
OK, let me rephrase this.
I strive to be the most attractive female that I can.  At 5'9" I'm usually one of the bigger girls in the room so that alone creates attention.
I also strive to be the nicest person I can be. Like all of us who are out in the world-I'm a pioneer of sorts. I don't want to ruin that.
It just happens I like to do it on the edge a little!  Attractive and authentic is great-if I can achieve it.
Furthermore, I have to leave that "plain woman" alone in my blogs!
I just had to get this "off my chest" lol!

Creature Comforts

Recently, "CD Janie's" blog( which I have a posted a link to) featured an outstanding post on passing as a female.
Ironically her ideas sort of fit in with my "thousand eyes" post. My assumption is that both of us fit into the same category. We enjoy moving about society.  As we do, our contact possibilities are endless.
Her comment "I rather come off as attractive than authentic" was a classic.
I thought of the very plain woman  I referred to in the "thousand eyes" and concluded I rather do the clothes, makeup and hair. Not her jeans loose top and tennis shoes.. If I did a look like her, chances are the public would notice me less.
No fun!  I would miss the thrill of my hair blowing on my bare back and shoulders. I would miss the soft strokes of the makeup brush on my face and the challenge of just getting my eye makeup on just right.  Of course I would miss the feel of the softer clothes and fun shoes, bags, and even sunglasses. When I misjudge a small space and my soft breast forms accidentally brush against something I want to feel that! Sorry there are a lot of "I's" here but it's all about the eyes on me.
If I come off as attractive until someone takes a closer-so be it!  Hopefully they will think if that person is not really a female then she looks pretty good!
Although problems do and probably always will pop up for a transgender girl, the fun outweighs the problems.
I'm with "Janie". I want to be an exotic creature. A different brand of cat!

Three guys and a game?

                                                                                 According to the "Kotaku" Website, Kayo Satou , One of Japan's best looking "Street Fighter IV" players has   announced she is a he.
Now I can't even begin to tell you what any of that means except it is no surprise than no one knew the truth about the star's true gender!