Figuring it All Out

 

Image from Erik McLean 
on UnSplash.  

I correspond quite a bit with one of my regular readers “Bobbie” whose life and mine amazingly align up in many ways including our military service. And if my memory is correct, she also benefited from a heavily influenced lesbian set of interactions. My apologies if I am wrong with my old memory which is like a steel trap…a rusted one. Because I heavily benefited (and still do to this day) with my feminine “upbringing” with my lesbian friends.

At any rate the reason for this post I to explain how Bobbie and I diverged on our gender paths. One very important way was when Bobbie went into how precisely she planned her male to female transition. All the way down to having a supportive wife. Which I did not and I needed to work my transition around her because she flat out refused to live with another woman. But on the other hand, did not mind that I was a cross dresser. She even went as far as scraping money from our limited family finances for me to rent a motel room to cross-dress in so I did not have to go out from our house which was on a heavily traveled street.

 Another way I diverged from Bobbie was her employment as a man required her to have several backup plans for every move, which mine didn’t. I was in the fast-paced casual dining industry which required me to work in an environment which constantly changed and was very difficult to plan ahead for. All of which really appealed to me at the time. Also, for various other reasons, I have decided to stay away from all gender related surgeries. Much different from Bobbie as I will translate for you:

“When the transformation began, the checklist was social first, add HRT, get the orchi and then the bottom surgery. A BA may be in the offing as my P has finally exhausted any more growth and a "Barely B" doesn't quite cut it.” Translating, “Orchi” means removal of the testicles, “BA” means breast augmentation surgery and “P” means taking progesterone hormones in addition to any Estradiol you may be also taking. Finally, “Barely B” means her breast size under the hormones she is taking, and “bottom surgery” is genital realignment surgery and is a major move.

I also decided against taking any progesterone after my endocrinologist did not like the idea at the Veterans Administration. But on the other hand, I started like Bobbie did with social and then went to the HRT or hormone replacement therapy and then went off to live my life as a transfeminine person. By this time, I was in my sixties, excited about my new life and set out to find someone unique enough to want to share it with me.

As you can tell, the whole male to female femininization path is not for the weak of heart and very much trashes the idea that transgender women embark down this extreme path out of a desire to just dress and look like a ciswoman. I get amused when I read that and think if the person saying it only knew the truth, they would certainly think differently.

Also, you can tell from Bobbie’s and I’s paths, there are many different ways to get to where we want to go as transgender women and transgender men. Even though my first dinner date as a trans woman was with a trans man, I still thought I knew the layers of the lesbian community, but I did not. Not only was I learning something totally new, but at the same time, finding out where I fit in. As the result of pure effort and observation, I learned I fit in quite well with the femmes or “lipstick” lesbians I encountered. To this day, I still benefit from my initial friendships I made with lesbians. As I have been in a relationship with a ciswoman lesbian for over fourteen years now and is going strong.

You may not have the circumstance or the ability yet to go “social” like Bobbie and I did, but the world is always changing, and you can change with it. Change is also different. You can plan ahead for six different scenarios (like Bobbie did) or pretty much just step out into the world and do the best you can like I did. I think now, I just wanted someone to realize my truth who knew me, but then it grew into carving out a whole new feminine life away from my old male one. I guess you could say I won the battle by taking an approach I never thought of taking. It was only then that I did set up an orderly “bucket list” of what I wanted to try to do behind the gender curtain in the world at large. As I was getting closer and closer to a dream life I never thought I could succeed in, for the first time in my life I needed to plan ahead and then let destiny take control of my life.

Examples of how destiny led me to successful outcomes were when I was matched up at the VA with a therapist who was knowledgeable about LGBTQ persons and specifically trans ones and was willing and able to help me with important tasks such changing as many of my legal markers that I could. She was really good and even helped me separate my depression and anxiety issues from my gender dysphoria. Maybe most importantly, she opened the door for my approval for HRT which I still cherish today. Sadly, my therapist moved on but I was lucky to have her when I did.

No matter where you are in your gender journey, I always enjoy hearing from you. As I said, remember there is no right or wrong way to discover your true self. I am always interested to hear of different paths. Humans are a very complex tribe and being transgender might be the most complex as all. Just remember you are in excellent company.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stranger Things have Happened

 

Image from Alexander
Krivisly on
UnSplash.

My gender journey has proven to me that stranger things have happened, just not to me.

What I mean is, on a scale of one to ten at succeeding in ever living a life as a transgender woman, I would have ranked myself some where around an eight. Meaning I was giving myself very little chance of ever making it to my dream life. Along the way now, I wish I had kept more track of every time I succeeded at and then passed a goal I had set for my feminine self.

In many ways, the early days of shopping in mall women’s clothing stores was easy and gave me a false sense of hope. I was naïve and did not realize for the longest time, I just represented as a dollar sign in front of the store clerks, I was facing. Most certainly, I was not the first man in a dress and makeup they had ever seen in their store and would not be the last. Regardless, the false sense of confidence I was giving myself raised my faint hope of ever succeeding at my dream.

As I went not so blissfully on my high-heeled way, I did pick up bits and pieces of information I would need to survive. For once, I thought far enough ahead to set up time away from my wife so I could slip away and shop with the rest of the women in the malls on Black Friday after Thanksgiving. Which had been on my trans bucket list for years. By this time, I had experienced enough time in public as a woman, I knew things such as wearing comfortable footwear was a must for the long trips from the parking lot to the stores, all the way to being stylish but not overdone in my fashion choices for the day so I could blend in well with the other ciswomen I met. Stranger things happened and I had a great time which I will write about in a later blog post.

All of my continued success combined to make me think maybe, just maybe I could achieve my dream life, and I could increase my scale to a four out of ten. What helped me were the short trips I made to Columbus, Ohio to the small diverse parties I went to where I could meet and interact with anyone such as transsexuals on their way to surgery to cross dresser admirers who were there just to watch. I even met a stray lesbian there one night who I left with briefly to go to a big gay club together. Through it all, I was just trying to see where I fit in at all. I figured if I had any success at all at understanding where I was, I hoped I could see the light at the end of my gender tunnel was not the train and just maybe I could live my dream.

As much as I liked the interaction in Columbus, I knew I had to leave the relative safety of the group and try to carve out my own life as a transgender woman in the world. Sure, I was terrified to do it but I knew I had to overcome my fears if I was ever going to be able to move up my scale from a five to a seven. When I made it to a lucky seven, the pressure to live the way I wanted to really be increased. The reason for the increase came because of the new interactive experiences I was now having with other ciswomen around me. What I did was watch the women around me and try to learn how they were living their life and learn my own way.

From then on, when I could see the dream life I had hoped for was in sight, I could really concentrate on my future as a transfeminine person. At that point, I needed to begin my preparations for what do about telling the family close to me about my male to female gender transition, all the way to what I was going to do about surviving financially. I was to the point where I did not have to make it as a transgender woman, I just needed to let it happen. I had to stay in the new moment I was in and live it for all it was worth. It turned out my scale was worth it, all the way.

Stranger things happened to me. I may not have looked like a ten, but I felt like one.

Bucket List Friday

Well, it's the most anticipated shopping day of the year...Black Friday.

"Back in the day" when I had a cross dressing feminine bucket list, one of the items on my list was to brave the crowds as a woman on Black Friday.

After many years of watching my wife head out with several of her girl pals to shop, I finally got my chance to go out when she got a new job in retail and I was left unattended.

When the much awaited day finally made it, I bundled myself in my best fuzzy sweater and tight jeans with boots then headed to the closest/biggest mall.

I don't know what my expectations were but I might as well have been a gorilla in a dress for all the attention I didn't get. Everyone was moving fast and in their own world and predictably, mostly women. I did manage to get into a few stores and shop for a couple of small Christmas items for my wife.

All too soon, the morning was over meaning I had to head home and be back to my old boring male self before my wife finished work and came home. Time has eroded my memory and I don't quite remember what excuse I told my wife how I spent the day. Chances are, with my restaurant job, I had to be at work around three.

Some items on a bucket list are harder to accomplish than others. 

In Hot Water?

OK, of all the responses I figured I possibly may get from my transgender "Bucket List" post about going swimming, I missed the point totally on this one. I thought Connie would zero in on me for my "bucket" being large enough to use as a wading pool- or my bucket is so old it wouldn't hold water anyhow!  Here's Connie's comment:

Senior Ladies Water Aerobics class at the community pool? I hear the sharks in Ohio are among the most discriminating; they prefer aged meat. Be careful that your feminine expression does not become just another old expression, considering that "valor is the best part of discretion", that is. :)

**Note-the closest sharks to me are in the Ohio River and they have different names: giant catfish and carp!

Then Paula commented:

Paula GoodwinFebruary 9, 2015 at 5:29 AM

In London and Brighton (and quite possibly other places as well) we have special closed swimming sessions at local pools specially for trans and gender diverse people. It is really liberating, and great fun. Having been swimming with the London group and on holiday I am now challenging myself t use my local pool.

Thanks Paula!  My prediction is if my swimming idea happens at all, it will happen at a hotel pool when Liz and I travel. And, yes Connie, I will warn them ahead of time about an oil slick if I don't wear the right water proof makeup!!!!

"Wassss-up?"

Well kids, here we are. 2013 is collectively beginning to wrap her collective arms around us all.
Of course, as the dust has settled-some of us have tossed our new years resolutions in the trash all ready.
I prefer to think of mine as goals. In my mind at least a kinder gentler form of resolution.
Truthfully, I haven't had much time to think much about them because once again life seems to be rushing ahead so fast I'm lucky to stay on for the ride. Speaking of ride, the first week or so of my year left me without one. My car developed severe problems shortly after Christmas. I live in an area devoid of public transportation so thank goodness for friends who came to my rescue.
Since I'm finally on the road again, I can take care of fun filled tasks such as a big dental appointment...Yay!
On the bright side though I have set up another appointment with my Endo Doc to judge where I am with my  hormone levels and where we can go with them. That week is turning out to be an exciting one since I have also set up a laser consultation earlier in the week.
Then, as February comes around it's time for my first trip to Mardi Gras! I really don't go into "Bucket Lists" very much (Like John Lennon wrote "Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans.) But I would really like to get my beads the natural way!
So that's my disclaimer of sorts of where I have been outside of Cyrsti's Condo and all of you.
I did want to mention I did run into a trans man friend of mine last weekend.  He is getting reading to start transitioning in earnest and in fact is going to the same Doc I am.  I have rarely seen a person as happy and at peace with himself! It certainly did my heart good!!!!