Monday, January 31, 2011

Winter Blahs?

I'm still in my "dark state of mind". Still in love with my dark hair.
In my part of the world we finally saw the sun for the first time in a week or so and that's before we hit a major ice storm tonight. Maybe my darkness just fits the environment  like a chameleon?
Who knows or really cares. The picture to the right is from last summer during my last "dark" love affair. The feel of the hair on my bare shoulders and back was delightful so I didn't mind going darker when most were gong lighter.
All went well Saturday night. Did a closet inspection and came up with some pieces that worked well as a whole.  Even located a gray top that matched my gray boots. (Finally!)
My regular hangout was very crowded but I got barely a look as I got to a seat. Some looks are good but I'll take "stealth" as an affirmation of my "girlness". It's just another version of "don't ask, don't tell". If you think I'm not trans, I won't tell!
I guessed woman...wrong!
Karma then pulled up a stool beside me. Perhaps you remember me telling the story of the base senior master sergeant having a regular "katoey" friend when I was in the military in Thailand. A major airbase is located near where I go for shopping, sports, food and adult beverages. We have a small group of "regulars" in the pub where most of the clientele turns over nightly.  I had seen this man several times but never in uniform. Saturday he was wearing his dress air force blues and yes he is a senior master sergeant and yes he did say a few words to me for the first time.  Karma had to be the reason!
If you follow the "katoey" link above, there is a very fun test. You have 8 chances to choose woman or katoey. I won't tell you my final score!
Finally, "yes I did go there" and posted a picture of both of us at the same time! That truly puts me in a dark state of mind! Lol!!!!

Weiniang Uprising in China?

You are saying what the heck is a "Weiniang" and why is it uprising?
One was captured for a picture and here she is! Her name is Liu Zhu and he is  a sophomore student from Sichuan Conservatory of Music. Liu became famous for his Weiniang style when he participated in the 2010 Super Boy series on Hunan Satellite TV.
The popularity of the "Weiniang" in Chinese society is not going without concern. Sound familiar?
An online "Weiniang" forum has now appeared on baidu. com, China's leading search engine, with over 4,200 registered members.
The recent surge in interest has some experts believing that Weiniang could impede on the healthy development of society.
This  "liberal" quote from "The People's Daily"  pretty much says it all. 
"If the society turns a blind eye to the Weiniang phenomenon, more and more young men will become more female, causing a lack of courage and spirit in enduring hardship," Hao Maishou, a professor at Tianjin Academy of Social Sciences, told the Tianjin-based Metro Express on Thursday.
A quote like that is exactly what we DON'T need!  I guess China has no genetic women that have courage and spirit to endure hardship?
That idea may not even fly with the radical right in this country. Can you imagine "Rush Limbaugh" or " Glen Beck" coming up with that?
At least then we wouldn't have to worry about hearing about them anymore. I'm sure there are enough women in this country with the courage and spirit to ruin their careers.Then the Weiniang uprising could actually benefit their sisters in the "states"!
Hopefully we could return the favor! 

Coming Out to Your Best Friend!

This is another article I wrote for "Hub Pages". In many ways this is my first work of fiction in that none of this ever happened to me exactly. I did come out years ago to a couple of my male friends without much drama. In those days I was very much an occasional crossdresser so life was much simpler? Maybe at my age I just can't remember!
Here's the post:

Do I laugh or cry?
You are a guy and your best friend has been hinting for months about how he is unhappy with his life. He is getting better at changing the conversation from sports to. "Did you see the show last night with the beautiful guy/girl?" Sooner or later, even you get the idea your best friend is trying to tell you something.
Finally (during a private moment) he blurts it out. "I want to be a woman." As you process what he just said, you think "so that is why he dressed as "Cher" last Halloween!"
Well it's all good... maybe. After all, he's still my friend and so what if he goes home on occasion and throws on a dress. There are worse things and I have won't see it. Then the finality of what he said strikes home. "I want to be a woman." Damn! What now? Why did he tell me?
"What now" depends on what kind of friend you are. How secure are you in your masculinity and then again..."What the hell is he thinking?"
At this point, is it time to either blow off the whole situation or even the friendship? How serious is he? After all he is sitting across from you drinking a beer with a five o clock shadow like so many times before. He can't be serious.
Then he says " this is so much more than wearing a dress on Halloween. I want to be a woman." Enough is enough. It's time for one of you to leave and the other to stay with a double shot of whiskey to ponder what just happened.
A week or two or three goes past without so much of a word from your transgendered friend. Finally she calls to sound out your feelings. She tells you she values your friendship. Past, present and future. There is nothing overtly sexual about this. She wants you as a friend and can they meet?
Sure, what's the harm. Same old spot. Same old beers, sports talk and 5 o'clock happy hour shadow. That's when it becomes complicated when his friend wants him to meet "her".
The dynamics are intimidating to say the least. For the sake of discussion, let's ignore all the sexual tension and let's forget how much courage and trust was needed to even attempt the connection.
Men are visual creatures and seeing his best friend as the opposite gender is traumatic for the vast majority of men. Just how is that vision working for him? That depends on many intangibles and one huge one. How does she look?
Let's say she doesn't present well. The less than attractive female image projected by his trans friend can cause immediate problems. Hey, she can't be serious.. This is some kind of joke and he will definitely grow out of it! My friend can never expect to even try to be a woman looking like that! A doubled edged sword to the transgendered friend who so desperately wants to be taken seriously.
Let's say she is gorgeous. Face, hair, legs and clothes just could make her the best looking woman in the room...with you. Another set of problems. You are reacting to him as a woman. What's going on with that? What does that make me? Why is your old drinking buddy teasing you with this? Where did those breasts come from anyhow?
If the truth be known, the middle point of the two scenarios is probably the most common. Your transgendered friend mustered a tremendous amount of courage to tell you at all. She put it all on the line to salvage any of a future friendship. Quite possibly the decision to live as her chosen (not birth) gender was a life or death decision.
You should be honored, frustrated, sad or mad. Your friend as you know him is never coming back. The well worn "still the same person..just looks different" doesn't work. Even when she wears jeans and and a sweat shirt to meet you, it will never be the same. She left the boys club.
Just remember, she didn't leave your club. It may take years for her transformation to become complete and just as long for your friendship to recover. Good luck!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

How to talk to a Transgender Girl!

"Trans" Got Your Tongue?

(another one of my "Hub Pages" posts)

Suddenly you find yourself beside or very close to a transgender person. Now what?
You want to say something but don't know where to start
The dynamics of starting a conversation are very complex! You've already figured we are not contagious or harmful. The hard part is over.
Three things could be in your mind. Number one, you are just curious. Why does a person want to change a perfectly good gender?
Number two, you want to expand your experiences. You want to add a transgender conversation into your life experiences. Unfortunately, this usually includes the process of telling all your friends! Hey! Guess what I did?
Number three, you assume the trans person is lonely. You are just being nice!
All three of these reasons are absolutely rational reasons! Curiosity is fine. Just try to be careful with really crazy questions. I do understand though you have no idea what a crazy question is. I'm patient!
Expanding your experiences is fine. Just don't make us the spectacle to do it. Don't be the first of your whole group to have enough courage to speak then go back and have the others "slink" up or worse yet "snicker" at us from across the room.
The assumption we are lonely is as false as the assumption we are all promiscuous. On the other hand a light conversation is usually always welcome.
My assumption is you are a genetic female if you are interacting with me at all. Men just have too many gender bridges to cross to approach us. If they do, the worst are the guys who want to call you "man" or "dude" and want to give you the knuckle buster male power handshake. Rare is the man who is secure enough in himself to converse with us. I'm really insecure with guys. First i have to find out if they know I'm trans and then try to figure out where they are going! I'm not one of the Trans Girl "male bashers" you hear so much about. It's just reality.
I can't speak for the rest of the transgender female community but I welcome approaches on several different levels.
I have no problem on explaining to you what I am. If I have the courage to express my true self and you have the courage to ask me... I will do my best to educate you.
I love to talk fashion with you and even guys and sports too! On the other hand if we appear to be unfriendly it is just that we are really shy and we have to wait for you to make the first move!
The approaches I hate are the "carnival" views and the "guy" bashing. Sure, I'm very different in many eyes but have some respect. I'm sure there are some skeletons dancing around in your closet. The difference is that this isn't my closet. It's my life.
As far you insecure guys go , please don't take it out on me. I know you have that pretty dress hidden at home. Hope it fits!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Whats in a name?

Every now and then discussion pops up about how we choose our names in our chosen gender.
The unique part of the process is that most of us make the choice on our own. Without parental or family input of any kind.
What happens when your child is choosing a name?
An interesting look into the process comes from a site called "Salon". A woman details the process her 11 year daughter and family went through choosing a new name.
From letting the child have total choice to a suggestion process, she covers it all!
Just imagine if you had the freedom to transition at an early age. Would you or could you have made a sound decision?
If I was in the situation with my family (which of course I wasn't), we could have taken several family directions with a name. It would have not been an option but "Jessie" would have been a great choice. It's softly feminine and has roots in the family history.
I have mentioned before that I would choose the name today. Ironically, the process would be almost as difficult as the transition form my male name to Cyrsti.
As world problems go this is a small one for me. Just imagine how big it would be for a family in the process?

The "Silent T"

We have discussed the "Silent T" many times in regards to the GBLT movement. Recently, I learned a whole new definition of the "T". 
The "Ohio University Post"  ran an article about "Cory Frederick" a FtM trans person who attends OU.
In route to his gender realignment, he realized he disappeared into society as a man. ""When I underwent surgery, I lost my visibility as a queer person," Frederick said. "Others can easily identify you when you look like them. ... But now they see me as just a man." A highly desirable consequence to the great majority of transgender people but not to Frederick.
How interesting and different!
"It's important to be visible," Grey said. "What media has represented
a trans person in a positive light? Zero."
To increase visibility, Grey created the performance art piece "Ask A
Tranny," where he stands in public and answers any and all questions
about being transgender.
"Hopefully this kind of visibility leads to greater understanding and
action," he said. "It takes a squeaky wheel to get the oil."
So much for the "Stealth" route for Frederick! Good for him and women such as "Femulate" founder "Stana" who actually lectures college level groups on our culture!
Pioneers indeed! Some day I would love to do the same!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Football Fashion Tip!

All you "hose and heels" girly girls can put the 3" heels away for the big game this year, unless you want to wear them with a pair of "skinny" jeans and your football jersey.
Latest figures estimate that up to 40% of all NFL fans are now women. Sales of women's NFL apparel is on an all time high.  The favorite seller is Dallas Cowboy QB "Tony Romo". If you don't like the Cowboys just pick "Peyton Manning" or maybe even "Aaron Rogers" of the "Packers". The only unpopular choice could be the "Steelers" Rothlisberger but you can always pick "Palamalu". He has the hair we all want.
Speaking of hair girls, don't worry so much about yours! Read this "Frisky" post about the new look which will fit in perfectly with your football look.
Don't worry, you still can be the perfect hostess and enjoy the game too!

Androgny Rules the Runway!

This is just a fun post I just wrote for "Hub Pages"
Some of it I've covered but from a different angle.

Are Hybrid Models Fair to Women?

Glamorous androgynous male models are becoming the rage on many of the top fashion runways of the world. Most notable are the stunning "Anrej Pejic" and "Lea T".
As a transgender woman myself, I'm fascinated and even a little envious of the look and style. I thought this is good for trans girls everywhere.
When I started to think it through, the whole trend means about as much to me as the average woman on the street.
Sure, a few of the styles seen on the runway will trickle down to my level but certainly not down (or up) to my size. Will I feel excluded again when "Hope Alexander" writes a hub on the new fashions? (Hope is a very prolific fashion reporter.)
Probably so. I'm no different than the majority of women today. Doing the best I can to live up to societies standards. 
I know I will never be a transgender beauty such as "Lea T" as sure as most women know they will never be a "Carrie Underwood"
So no, the runway is not fair to genetic or trans women.  Then again, it was never meant to be.
Androgyny is yet another fun look at a segment of our population who happen who straddle both genders. Custom made for an industry who has featured boyish girls for decades.
Bell bottom jeans and shirt dresses are on their way back anyway. So who cares about the runway?
You go "Lea" Andrej" and "Kate" we'll be watching.

Monday, January 24, 2011

A Radical Queer?"

Yes I have heard the term before and I never really applied the term to myself in any way shape or form.  First and foremost I identify transgender and resent the gay community's treatment of us.
A post I read doesn't change my mind but does bring up some interesting points. The "Trans Group Blog" post centers around pop culture.
Is any publicity of the transgendered culture good publicity? No definitely not. We have made great strides and do not need a return to "Jerry Springer" comedy or "Psycho" killers. This quote is from the blog and comes close to my sentiment.
"OK, so am I the only one who really would prefer it if pop culture
would leave transfolks alone? I'm not saying I don't want our folks in
media, quite the opposite, I want our faces, our stories, our
experiences out there; I want visibility for our people. That said,
there is a difference between visibility (which I define as socialized
educational promotion of our community and cause) and simple
exploitation or just plain annoying stereotyping."
I don't want pop culture to leave us alone and I really don't want to picket the government for transgender rights. But you know, more and more I'm thinking I would and will.
I also would go to courses to educate students and of course continue my one on one life in the public.
Now, does that make me a "Radical Queer"? If it be it.
This seems to be a period of changing my mind!

"Cloud Nine" Heels?

I really don't know if there is a brand name for "Cloud Nine" shoes.
I do know I was walking in them in my mind today at work!  I was still buzzed mentally from my dark look I played with a couple nights ago. Often, that is often not the best way to be!
I have mentioned a number of times my male side is the worker and provider. The problem with  moving between genders is two fold. The biggest problem is gender residue. Too much of one in the other is not good right now in my life. The other hassle is just the mind adjustment of just going back to my birth gender that I'm just not that comfortable with anymore.
I don't exactly why but today the only experience was a euphoria that put me in a good mood.
I wish I could bottle up whatever happened and keep some for later.
Sure the whole change in style was fun but realistically I know it's not a huge departure from the person I am.
Perhaps I just got an idea of why women do change their style and how satisfying it can be when it works!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

More Transgendered Vet News!

Part 2 of "Transgender Veterans" has been released by "Transgender Veterans of America.  Here is part of the press release.
"Welcome to Part 2 of the series on Transgender and Transsexual
Veterans of America. In this video, we will show one person we missed
in Part 1 and several transgender and transsexual veterans who served
in the 20th and 21st Centuries. We will also discuss Don't Ask, Don't
Tell and how the repeal didn't affect trans people.

Several people have sent in their information and pictures, but not
all appear in this video. We will be showing the rest of them in Part
3. If you are a trans veteran and you still wish to send in your
information to be included in Part 3, there is plenty of time. Leave a
message on the YouTube video page or send it to Monica Helms at

[Video <> ]

Important info. Enjoy!

In a "Dark" State of Mind!

I had made a pledge to myself to stay red. My friends and I decided the transition from blond was good and overdue. As I have said, I love the color and all the waves of hair. All was good until last night. A bit of the devil poked her head out and whispered "Go Dark!"
I had arrived home from a very quick night out. I liked my outfit. Long boots, low cut black over the waist sweater and jeans.  I have a black leather coat that has exposed zippers that gives it just the hint of "biker".
That is when the she devil said "try the black"!
I do have a very long and wavy black hair which I have worn on occasion. I put it on last night and I loved it!
Silver over sized earrings and a black and silver necklace gave me some basic bling to go with the look. I just had a little of that wicked look and I loved it!
 OK, it's a woman's prerogative to change and you see many of women change their looks. It's part of the appeal. On the other hand, I had made a pledge to myself to stay red.
Oh well, maybe Draco will have to judge this look!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Personality in a Bag!

I know that more than a few of you have to be purse addicts. Right up there (or down there) with shoes the right purse can make your outfit and heart sing.
Read what "Rachel Zoe" has to say from Merdith Stebbins article "Your Handbag, Your Self.
What your purse is saying about you.
To assess a lady's character, look no further than the handbag she carries to work. "It is an absolute indicator of who they are and what their style is," says Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist and entrepreneur. Since a purse's size and shape isn't limiting like a pair of skinny jeans, a bag is an easy way for a woman to express herself -- especially in the workplace. "For the majority of women, the handbag is the most important part of the outfit because it doesn't have to do with your body type," says Kate Schelter, a New York-based stylist and brand consultant. Perhaps that's why the global luxury handbag and accessories market is about $24 billion, according to Coach CEO Lew Frankfort.
Whether it's an oversize carryall or structured satchel, a bag's details -- right down to the buckle -- reveal clues about its owner. Not to mention that "how you wear the bag is just as important as the bag itself," adds Schelter. Slinging it across your body sends a different signal than nestling it on the crux of your arm. Having your assistant tote it for you says something, too.
In order to decode the language of work-bag-speak, Bloomberg Businessweek called on a panel of fashion experts, including Zoe; Schelter; International Best-Dressed List Hall of Fame honoree Amy Fine Collins; and handbag designer Rebecca Minkoff. Next time you're in the elevator, think twice about rifling around that mammoth hobo for your ID badge: You're giving off a disorganized vibe.

All this time you thought all you had to worry about is the way you looked. The way you walked and the way you talked!
Mom never told me this was going to be this rough! Wait, she didn't tell me anything at all!

The "Hotel Trans"

If the Eagle's can forgive me, I need to borrow a line from their "Hotel California" classic tune.
"You can check out, but you can never leave" describes much of the transgendered lifestyle perfectly.
If you are trans and never have "purged" over the course of your life more than once, you are rare! Two days, two weeks or two months later you are kicking yourself in your padded fanny buying more "stuff'!
Nothing is absolute when it comes to dealing with the human spirit but how many trans people do you know that changed? By changing I mean they never went back to the clothes, the makeup or even the lifestyle? I know of none. I found out it is much easier to purge the clothes than the mind.
Much is said about the closet we find ourselves in. Compare that closet to your "Hotel California" room. Many just changed the size of their room and that's OK.  Your transition can start between your ears and that's fine! But somehow, someway it's always part of you. Maybe there is a "trans" DNA molecule somewhere? You check in and you "don't want to leave?"
Several months ago a follower posted one of the more profound comments received here. Her current situation made it impossible to live out her feminine dreams but she was transitioning her mind for the day she could. How strong is that? Putting the finishing touches on her room before she moves out.
Even the most accomplished here inhabit the same hotel as you.We just opened the door and walked out. We never left the hotel though. We are the same as you. We can never really leave. What we can do is help you find the way out of your room.
Even though you can never leave, you just may find some fun and interesting people in a a huge hotel!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Oldies but Goodies!

With all the recent buzz about the new transgender models, it's interesting to learn of some of the pioneers on the runways  Here are just a couple from the 60's!
In the early to mid 60's , April Ashley was not only a glamorous model, but  became a socialite as well, spending time with royalty throughout Europe. 

 In 1965  "Amnda Lear" began to model for the likes of Paco Rabanne and Yves St Laurent, and then became a muse for Salvador Dali.  She appeared on the cover of Brian Ferry's album "For Your Pleasure" in the early 1970s and then later started dating (and lived with) David Bowie. 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Transgender Kids and The Future?

Lets for a second say there is a transgender  scale. Where are you on the trransgender scale? A three or a four or even a ten?
Rewind the years of your life. You just celebrated your 6th, 8th or even 10th birthday. Your inner being screamed "transgendered!!!!".
In those days probably you were doomed to to stay in the transgendered closet. In the pre internet days, you were certain you were alone in your transgender desires.
Fortunately that world is beginning to fade.
" Inside Out"  is an article from the Netherlands that focuses on the lives of several transgendered children.
One of the featured children is pictured to the right.
One of several arguments against permitting transgendered youths to transition before puberty is do they really know what they want?
Just as crucial is the knowledge that an early transition is normally a more effective one. Obviously, the primary gender characteristics have not had a chance to develop.
As you check the young lady's photo you see that she is beautiful. Much of  her true beauty lies in the fact she had a chance to transition at all. She is not one of the "statistics" we read about from the transgendered community.
The whole story should give us all a little extra enthusiasm for advancing the transgendered cause.  Every little bit we do privately or publicly  makes the face above a little more possible!

Another Look!

For a very  interesting and enlightening look into what our "trans-brothers" face head to "".
A reader writes: “How could one change the current climate for gay trans men in the gay male community?”
My answer: One mind at a time.
This is a continuation of last week’s Ask Matt Monday, which dealt with trans men and lesbian communities. And this is a tough one, because I think there is a different dynamic in gay male communities.
When I first started my transition, I identified as a gay man, which did not go over well with one population – gay men. The gay men who heard me speak complained that I was appropriating their identity, that I didn’t share the “gay male experience” that had shaped the lives of gay men, and that I couldn’t compare my experience to theirs.
Being opinionated, impetuous, and newly testosterone-fueled, I was slow to catch on. But I eventually realized that they were right – at least in my case. I do know some gay trans men who have been gay men since they were old enough to formulate an identity, regardless of their body configuration, but the neighborhood Barbra Streisand fan club that I started at eleven and my childhood obsession with The Wizard of Oz really don’t qualify me
It seems our tran gendered brethren face the same problems with the Male Gay community as we do!
While it's true we do not share the male gay experience per se, we do share the many of the same slights. Hopefully we will never share much of the gay male popuations' lack of compassion.


Check out the latest cover from LOVE. Starring Kate Moss and transgender model Lea T. sharing an intimate kiss, the cover is part of the magazine's 'Androgyny Issue'.That is not the end of it!
Justin Bieber will appear on another cover for the edition. Why "The Beib's? Because the teen pop star has attracted a cult following online of Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. Should make an interesting cover! Maybe they should call it "Justin looks like a Lesbian?" Then again, what's a lesbian supposed to look like?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Fun Horoscope!

Libra (September 23- October 22) Forget the good girl routine, because you know once the doors close the freak in you can work it out in ways no one would ever suspect. This week, time to pull those shades down tighter, because your animal instincts will be sharper than ever and it’s time to take your flirtations to the next level — and yes, you will deserve everything coming!!!!
Yes girls, I'm a Libra and I'm ready to warm the winter up!

Keeping "Abreast" of the Situation.

Can you really think of one part of the body that causes so much attention and conversation as the breasts? The number of different names alone are amazing.
Of course guys are drawn to them naturally but in many senses, women are too. Aren't teen aged girls as worried about when and how their breasts will develop as teen aged boys are worried about looking? As men grow older and a little more wiser, they at least attempt to be a little more sly when sneaking a breast stare.  My classic "Hey! My eyes are up here" moments have come from teen boys. Didn't have to worry about passing them. Their eyes never made it off my chest.
As life goes on breasts help define a woman's femininity. In the case of breast cancer women often worry as much about the loss of a breast as the overall health considerations.
Let's not forget the overall growth of "Boob Jobs" women are using to correct nature's mistakes. If you don't want to go to that excess, just head to "Victoria Secrets" and purchase that special bra! High Tech Chest!
What does all this mean to the transgendered girl?
If you have your own breasts, are you satisfied with the size? If you don't, it is certainly easy to solve that problem. There are many different breast forms on the market. Number one, they are very realistic and number two they give you the option to choose a size.
That is not as easy at it seems.  We all are warned not to go the "Dolly Parton" look with her huge breasts.On the other hand a look that is proportionate to your body is preferred! Not so easy for a first time shopper on a breast form site.  I was lucky. I started backwards from a bra I really liked. I used the cup size to order the form and the look was wonderful.
The next step any real girl will tell you is your bra. From medieval torture device to erotic clothing a bra is your best friend. A good bra can lift you, smooth you and even give you a hint of nipple under that thin top.
Trans girls don't normally have the female mentor to help us with our first or even our tenth bra. Once again it is a trial and mostly error experience on one of the most important parts of our wardrobe.
Once you do get it right and that guy has a hard time finding your eyes...congratulations!

Sunday, January 16, 2011


OK girlfriends and guy is a miss mash of stuff (kind of like my closet!),
Number one is another site dedicated to "transequality". The "National Center for Transgender Equality" web site features great information and even a training piece. Check it out!
Way less serious news includes "The Village Voice" reporting that "Lady Gaga" is going to do a video with transsexuals. That is earth shattering! Really? Lady Gaga?
This soldier,who made the "Top Ten Chinese Crossdresser List" just blew me away!
"Back in the day", I had a friend who delighted in carrying "Mao Tsetung's" little red book. I really never believed he ever opened it, but it really upset many people... All he was looking for in our Midwestern town. Seemingly a thousand years later China is emerging as a world force and I thought we would feature a picture of one of China's former soldiers  Well, here she is!
What would "Ozzie" think! Yes that "Ozzie Osbourne". I don't really think "The Oz" is capable of a coherent thought but was he shocked when daughter Kelly ­tearfully dumped ­fiancé Luke Worrall when she found
out he was ­having a secret affair.
The heartbroken star finally ended her engagement to the model when
she discovered he was cheating with Elle ­Schneider, an identikit

But what Kelly didn't ­realize was that Elle was born a man - and is
now a pre-op transsexual.
Elle, 21, from Miami, revealed her secret to the Sunday Mirror, and
produced an ID card that shows she started life as Reynaldo Gonzalez.
Elle said she was open with Luke that she was born a boy and it turned him on more. Imagine that!
It seems (from my angle) this could be Kelli's fault. Her own transformation resulted in "Elle" and her looking like sisters. Maybe Luke thought that too?

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Visit from The Fashion Goddess!

On a whim I bought a long scarf.
Being the "bargain bitch" I am, it was on sale at one of the big box stores.
It has been exceedingly chilly in my part of the world .Maybe global warming is waiting another year? For such frigid occasions I have a long black wool coat that is very warm and very plain. Hmm, I thought, a scarf! Why not.
Then the indecision set it. What length, what color, fringe or not? Decisions!
In a rare moment of fashion color sense, I chose a paisley style print. It's a rich mix of gold, burgundy and even a little black mixed in. Not too gaudy but enough color to give the coat a little class and me a little more warmth.
Little did I know, the magic scarf would also work well with my "shaggy dog" coat. "Shaggy" is soft warm and fuzzy. The sleeves are long with fabulous soft fringe.
Shaggy and the scarf were instant friends. The gold worked so well with the tan shaggy. The burgundy set off the scarf to make it a highlight. A match made in heaven. But all of us weren't done. A trip through the jewlery box unearthed a little worn broach that happened to have a matching burgundy color.
I did forget this fashion splash began with my creamy tan sweater, tan and black streaked jeans and fur lined boots.
God, I hoped I looked as good as I thought I did! The evening was great fun, so maybe I did.
The bottom line however was the fashion gods just happened to smile on me last night. Why? It may have stemmed from one of the basics learned from my obsessive fashion research.
Build your look and your wardrobe from specific pieces you have collected over the seasons. Last night the newest articles in my wardrobe were my panty hose and the scarf. Everything else was at least a year old and obtained from sales racks to thrift stores.
Lock in on your style and let the shopping fun begin! Be sure though you don't tell anyone about that little "fashion goddess" statue you have hidden in your closet! It's your secret!

Friday, January 14, 2011


I found another link concerning "Transgender American Veterans". This comes from "Navy Seals" and give a few more details of the estimated number of transgendered currently serving our country.
Nothing new about "reruns" in the fashion world. We have already mentioned the return of bell bottom jeans and the appearance of transgender models to wear them.
Now, it seems the "shirtdress" is set to make a return. As with any other fashion item, some of us can wear the shirtdress and some can't.
What this dress does is give you girls with the legs a chance to show them off. The whole look could fit with the "Minimalist" fashion trend being pushed by the industry. Solid colors will be in vogue. Not all bad for those of us with bigger shapes!
Think on the bright side, an oversize belted shirtdress worn over a black leotard and tights may be the fashion kick you were looking for!

Got To Have Some Fun!

It's easy to become too serious about the transgendered situation in the world!
This is when it's fun to bring up a quote from The Frisky about some "girly girl" things!
"These days a formal boudoir is hard to come by, so naturally a girl's gotta stake her territory elsewhere. This adorable cream-and-pink shower curtain will be like a flag, telling your gentlemen callers that this room right here is where the magic happens. The vintage beauty supplies depicted on the curtain — curlers, pearls, perfume diffusers — are too cute for words. Every glamour girl needs a bathtub shower curtain as pretty as she is! 
Think about it! Before you put that silky smooth shave to your legs. Before you slip into that new sexy dress and heels...enjoy your own girly girl bath.
How much fun is that!
One more thing girls, don't forget to add a dash of you favorite perfume!


A couple weeks ago  the "Don't Ask-Don't Tell" was repealed in the American military.  I thought "great deal!" times really are changing. I still feel that way, but once again where does this leave the trans veteran?
I am a Vietnam era vet, complete with all the baggage.
"Back in the day" any examples of any gay behavior were hidden. All I ever saw was the Senior Master Sergeant of the air base in Thailand  with his "Katoey" walking around the base most mornings,
Being openly gay in today's military is so foreign to me that I really have no point of reference.
I do wonder if I was a trans military person, could I walk into my "CO's" (Commanding Officer) office and demand a new uniform and name change? Why do I think a move like that would be nearly impossible without a blast of outside negative publicity.
I am negative about this. I feel the transgendered public has largely been ignored again. I did attempt a little research and did come up with a website/organization for Trans-Vets.
The Transgendered American Vets
site provided me with a starting point, which is all I was looking for. It also brought up another question concerning the treatment of transgendered veterans by the VA.  I have never read an official policy concerning the "VA" approach to us. I have however heard different regions follow different "unwritten" policies when prescribing hormones and other treatments.
I really have no personal evidence one way or the other. If you do let me know!
With the right amount of publicity and pressure from within, maybe we can climb the same mountains as the gay community.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Get Your Sexy On!

Following my post from last night, my surfing adventures brought me to an article that sort of follows up on what I said. The "Own your own Beauty" blog that I subscribe to (free) often has these little pieces of information.
Our own sexuality and how we project it is a fascinating subject.
From our own "Draco's" reflections on the attitude we project in public to various comments on the blog, sexuality is also a popular topic.
Take a look!


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Female Essence!

I believe that most of us assume the true female essence is linked somehow to appearance.  Is the true alpha girl in the room the most sexy or attractive? Definitely not!
I had a chance the other night to watch a very plain woman be the sexiest female in the room. She was wearing the usual tight jeans, modest boots and a top that showed just the right amount of skin around her shoulders. She was far from being the most beautiful, but was the sexiest. Why?
The way she approached and held the interest of the man she was with was classic. With nothing more than her personality, she had his undivided attention.
She was my heroine, the wind beneath my wings and more. She reinforced to me the essence of a real woman and how much learning lays ahead!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A "Teflon" Life?

I get many questions of when or if I would go full time as a girl.
I spend precious time considering if and when I could or would.
The fact remains I can. Being out to my daughter removes the only real family obstacle to the move. Finances are the only remaining question. I've gone this far, I'm certain I can figure out the rest!
I recently read a comment concerning a person who lived successfully on both sides of the gender spectrum. He/she felt no friction between the two lives. Like me, she was considering a "boob" job or electrolysis but not much else. As long as his female side had a rewarding, reassuring life all was good.
Now the future? Who knows?
Teflon does wear out. We will see.

A BIG Week!

My daughter and I scheduled a mid morning  "brunch" This week.
I'm not getting any younger (LoL) and have long desired coming out to her for personal and practical reasons.
The personal is obvious and the practical is because she is the immediate responder if something thing happened to me. I really didn't want her to walk into my house and discover a huge amount of female clothes and makeups.
She normally steers clear of the "what if" death question as do most 30ish year olds. For some reason this time she didn't. Let me preface this by repeating that her mother knew of my "trans" leanings from day one of our relationship. I've always assumed my daughter might know.
She asked about how I wanted everything handled when I pass.  Answered all of that and I then said there was an important part of my personal life that would have to be discussed that would involve her.
I quickly added "later". Well, a couple minutes "later" I just told her "you need to know I'm transgendered". Well there it was. The elephant in the corner now had a name.
Of course I was watching closely for her initial reaction. Did she know already or not. Well she did not.
She was truly surprised, but not in a negative sense. I told her I have felt this way most of my life and on a couple occasions could have made the decision to live full time as a female.  This was much more than just putting on a dress on the weekend or wearing panties under my male clothing.
As the conversation moved on, I told her the story of my brother blaming my Mom, her Mom wondering which one of me was going to pick her up at the airport and my Mom's reaction when I came out to her.
At that point my daughter was getting aggravated. The ironic part of all of this was her biggest problem with all of this was "why was I the last to know?"
Needless to say, the pressure was now off and I was on "cloud nine" for several days.
Where do we go from here? It's all up to her. I told her about this blog, but didn't give her the address. If she wants to persue the real me it's here. I will see if she does.
I understand if she doesn't. She has three kids who more than take up her time.
The bottom line is that both of us feel closer to each other. How lucky I am!

Nothing Ventured,Nothing Gained

One of the most beneficial parts of doing this blog is hearing from you!
Over the past year I have mentioned girls such as "Stana, Misty and Janie" What all three have in common is an uncommon courage to go out and live their new lives.
Recently, "Angel and Draco" have stepped forward to give us all a glimpse of their lives.
All of these persons have ventured out and have shared the experience with us.
They ventured out and gained! I understand the many of us don't have the flexibility or the circumstances to follow in the footsteps of these persons.
On the other hand, I hear so many with the well worn excuse "I don't look as good as you so I set alone in my closet".
I guarantee all of the people I have mentioned felt the way you feel at some point in their life. Very few of us have had the physical attributes to present easily as the other gender. On the other hand, there are a zillion "how to" guides to improve yourself. If you use them.
If you have the opportunity, 2011 could be the year you find your true self!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Read a Book!

I have not read this book but have seen it recommended on other sites so I thought I would pass it along to you!
It is reviewed as a great source for the great majority of the public who know nothing of us!

It's My Own Fault!

I've told you all before I am a "member" of a couple dating sites.
I've got to tell you I have found  a couple of really close friends and good people BUT...
The so called "straight guys" kill me!  At what point does a woman with male anatomy in a porn film cease to be a male? At what point does the man who wants her cease to be straight?
I know I'm dealing with "black and white" labels here in a very "gray" world, but deal with them we will.
Here are a few of my frustrations before you say "what did you expect!"
If you are the "straight" guy contacting me, why is sex the first question after hello? Or how about do you have any other pictures? Do you look like a woman?
The pictures are there. You make the determination.  When I walk past you three things could happen. You think I'm attractive, you don't even notice or that's a guy. Pretty simple stuff. A couple of the restroom pictures are simply posted to prove I was where I talked about. Sure I tried to post some of the best. Wouldn't you?
Here's another good one.  Would you look like a man in the bedroom? DUH!
If I do my absolute best to look as good as I can, why wouldn't that continue over? Would I magically forget the black lingerie, garters, stockings and heels? Guess who will never get to find out?
Here's your chance to say "what did I expect".  Well...some of this but not the barrage of the same mindless babble. I could say these guys are on a dating site for a reason. They are losers. But I'm there too and as I said I've been successful beyond all expectations.
Sure I could jump out tomorrow and chalk it all up to experience. There is however, a relatively minimum financial investment I'm too cheap to give up and the possibility of another truly great friend right around the corner.
I guess I'll let those straight guys get back to their "shemale" porn films.

Getting "Frisky"!

Ahhh! Not what you think girls (dammit). Again I've been scanning the "Frisky" site for little gems of gender wisdom. If you haven't been there yet."Frisky" is a tamer version of "Cosmo" Magazine.
I read many of the articles comparing what each gender likes and dislikes about each other. Then I try to relate it to my unique position in life.
My latest find was "The Ten Commandments for Dating Guys."Without going into too much detail, the article goes into some of the more "masculine" knowledge women use to attract men .
Of course my mind thought "here are some more reasons for guys to like trans girls"!
Ok, the easy ones. Being a good driver (leaves me out) and knowing your brown liquors such as whiskey's. bourbon's and scotches. Being a good cook is here too. (I can excel here!)
The" could but wouldn't" categories include wearing cotton underwear and being handy around tools.
The "not a chance" section includes yoga and downloading torrents. I probably should do yoga and I barely know what a torrent is.
Quoting "Frisky", guys are "men are both exceedingly complex and irritatingly simplistic creatures." Our backgrounds allow us to cut through much of the male complexity then adds it all back in spades.
On the other hand, none of this should be so complex that we shouldn't have some fun with it and a little extra research shouldn't hurt!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Yes! "Nirvana" is what I feel when my gender meets the soul. It took me this long to finally came up with  a word for the warmth I feel.. According to one dictionary "an ideal condition of warmth, peace and joy."
Even in my part of the winter world, removing my coat, knocking the snow from boots and re fluffing my hair equals instant warmth.
Just taking my life to this point has been an extraordinary journey of pain and joy. A person I met on another site summed it up this way to me:
"It looks to me that TGs core problem is really believing they are who they want to be. It can't be easy; especially after years of doubts, then tentative beliefs, and finally self acceptance and belief in who you really are inside, regardless of what your outside is.   
It obviously takes a lot of courage.  Anyone with half a brain should at least respect that part of the transition. Going from one gender to another, especially if you still stay in your current social and work environment has to be an extraordinary effort!!" 
I'm not searching for a compliment here. I am always searching though, for a person who is literate enough to put into words some of our struggle. The words are more profound when you consider his background. A past that had nothing to do with our family.
Perhaps we should all share in his compliment!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Trans Political?

As trans folk around the planet seem to be more and more in the public eye, acceptance in the gay community does not seem to maintaining the same pace. In one way or another we all have felt shunned. Some of my worst experiences have come in male gay bars where I have been flat out discriminated against. What's worse my story is not an isolated example.
What happened? In June of 1969 in NYC the "Stonewall Riots" happened. When police raided the "Stonewall Inn" the drag queens and butch lesbians fought back for the first time. All of the sudden the gay/lesbian movement in this country had a voice.
I guess it was never really clear what share of the voice trans people had or desired.The obvious was easy. Male and female gay people were easier to categorize into nice little boxes. Trans folk, male or female were not so easy to label. We were and are the round pegs trying to fit into the square holes.
As a group we were "annexed" into the movement, becoming the final letter in the "GLBT" movement. It's easy for me to say let's create this great movement of our own. The truth of the matter is that many of us blend into society and disappear. It is another version of going back into the closet but one I understand and might do myself.
In that sense, we already have succeeded in creating our own movement. Maybe the gay activists have made it easier for lawmakers to add gender equality to society's rules. Those rules then help us to build our new lives.
The bottom line is we are as different to gays as gays are to straight people. The best we can hope for are positive media examples and our own interactions in society to pave the way for understanding on our terms.
Maybe we were all expecting too much to be treated as equals in the gay community?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Hippie Chicks Rejoice!

Flare leg jeans are back! Yay!
Check out the "Hope Alexander" fashion post here.
As she says, flares flatter most figures. You can wear them with flip flops or heels.
I just love it!

It's Rare!

To get a glimpse of a life as complex as ours from the other side of the mirror is a special and unique experience.
Over past month or so I've been fortunate to get to know a ftm trans person who is basically going down the same road as I.
He has started a blog which I have offered a link to here:. .
It provides a very complex view to several issues.
To be perfectly honest, his site is much more intense than mine and crosses the boundaries into the "dom" culture.
On the other hand I've been privileged to read some of his softer romantic writings. As his site grows, I'm sure he will share some of those also!


Our lives are complex! Decisions, decisions, decisions!!!
All your life you've wanted to get out and show off those beautiful newly shaved legs of yours. You just know how much better the legs will look and how much better you will feel when you wear your new 3" black WalMart?
Sorry girlfriends, had to bring up the old crossdresser stereotype. But just when you thought you have seen it all in our world up pops a fashion blog we all should subscribe to. It's called "wtforever" and features fashion mistakes.
My picture from Walmart should be in there somewhere!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Connect the dots

With all the changes in my life recently, a new dose of reality is setting it. I've always have been very careful of my male self creeping into my female life. Now the opposite is beginning to occur.
I've passed along the times I've been referred to as "mam" or "she" when I'm not dressed as one. I don't think I have any qualities that would cause that to happen except my personality. I was subconsciously  projecting girl is my best guess. You know the many times a clerk will not even look at you until the very end of the transaction.  I will get the "she" comment until she looks up. Flattering I guess!
One of the other female traits that is showing up in my male life is the compliment syndrome.
Obviously, women are much more in tune with with nuances of a look. Hair, accessories and clothes are all noticed. Guys of course are into the big picture. "You look nice" is more male than "Wow, I love those earrings".
Without thinking now I'm noticing the smaller things.
I suppose too, I realize how much the little compliment feels to you on an outfit you agonized over! The earrings that matched that sweater exactly took you hours to find!
The only real question is now how much of her does he assume in what's left of his life?

Goodby "10"

So much for the big plans for ending 2010.  Not only did work interfere this year,  I worked New Years Eve for awhile and have to work New Years Day. I've also been really sick for about three days this week.
I hoping none of this is a precursor of 2011.
I really don't believe that it is. Fortune or misfortune is a natural part of life and how you handle it makes you the person you are.
BUT being a tad spoiled, ushering 2011 in with some special friends would have really been my choice!
As it turned out it did, but not the way I expected.
I went to a close neighborhood tavern with a best friend as my male self. Yes, the same place I've been going to for over 30 years. My best friend is a genetic female who knows of my female side but chooses not to mention it.
As the midnight hour approached I was texting friends who only know my female self.
At midnight the bar exploded with the usual fun stupid stuff. Silly strings, horns, hats and poppers.
You know what? Guy self broke down and had a great time.
Does this change anything? No. The only thing this does prove is maybe I am a little wiser after 2010. Hopefully 2011 will prove that.
Peace my sisters and may the force be with you!

Trans Peaks and Valleys

Image from the Jessie Hart Archives. Lifetime as a whole presents us with many peaks and valleys to negotiate. Since I am transgender and al...