Coming Out to Your Best Friend!
This is another article I wrote for "Hub Pages". In many ways this is my first work of fiction in that none of this ever happened to me exactly. I did come out years ago to a couple of my male friends without much drama. In those days I was very much an occasional crossdresser so life was much simpler? Maybe at my age I just can't remember!
Here's the post:
Do I laugh or cry?
Here's the post:
Do I laugh or cry?
You are a guy and your best friend has been hinting for months about how he is unhappy with his life. He is getting better at changing the conversation from sports to. "Did you see the show last night with the beautiful guy/girl?" Sooner or later, even you get the idea your best friend is trying to tell you something.
Finally (during a private moment) he blurts it out. "I want to be a woman." As you process what he just said, you think "so that is why he dressed as "Cher" last Halloween!"
Well it's all good... maybe. After all, he's still my friend and so what if he goes home on occasion and throws on a dress. There are worse things and I have won't see it. Then the finality of what he said strikes home. "I want to be a woman." Damn! What now? Why did he tell me?
"What now" depends on what kind of friend you are. How secure are you in your masculinity and then again..."What the hell is he thinking?"
At this point, is it time to either blow off the whole situation or even the friendship? How serious is he? After all he is sitting across from you drinking a beer with a five o clock shadow like so many times before. He can't be serious.
Then he says " this is so much more than wearing a dress on Halloween. I want to be a woman." Enough is enough. It's time for one of you to leave and the other to stay with a double shot of whiskey to ponder what just happened.
A week or two or three goes past without so much of a word from your transgendered friend. Finally she calls to sound out your feelings. She tells you she values your friendship. Past, present and future. There is nothing overtly sexual about this. She wants you as a friend and can they meet?
Sure, what's the harm. Same old spot. Same old beers, sports talk and 5 o'clock happy hour shadow. That's when it becomes complicated when his friend wants him to meet "her".
The dynamics are intimidating to say the least. For the sake of discussion, let's ignore all the sexual tension and let's forget how much courage and trust was needed to even attempt the connection.
Men are visual creatures and seeing his best friend as the opposite gender is traumatic for the vast majority of men. Just how is that vision working for him? That depends on many intangibles and one huge one. How does she look?
Let's say she doesn't present well. The less than attractive female image projected by his trans friend can cause immediate problems. Hey, she can't be serious.. This is some kind of joke and he will definitely grow out of it! My friend can never expect to even try to be a woman looking like that! A doubled edged sword to the transgendered friend who so desperately wants to be taken seriously.
Let's say she is gorgeous. Face, hair, legs and clothes just could make her the best looking woman in the room...with you. Another set of problems. You are reacting to him as a woman. What's going on with that? What does that make me? Why is your old drinking buddy teasing you with this? Where did those breasts come from anyhow?
If the truth be known, the middle point of the two scenarios is probably the most common. Your transgendered friend mustered a tremendous amount of courage to tell you at all. She put it all on the line to salvage any of a future friendship. Quite possibly the decision to live as her chosen (not birth) gender was a life or death decision.
You should be honored, frustrated, sad or mad. Your friend as you know him is never coming back. The well worn "still the same person..just looks different" doesn't work. Even when she wears jeans and and a sweat shirt to meet you, it will never be the same. She left the boys club.
Just remember, she didn't leave your club. It may take years for her transformation to become complete and just as long for your friendship to recover. Good luck!
Finally (during a private moment) he blurts it out. "I want to be a woman." As you process what he just said, you think "so that is why he dressed as "Cher" last Halloween!"
Well it's all good... maybe. After all, he's still my friend and so what if he goes home on occasion and throws on a dress. There are worse things and I have won't see it. Then the finality of what he said strikes home. "I want to be a woman." Damn! What now? Why did he tell me?
"What now" depends on what kind of friend you are. How secure are you in your masculinity and then again..."What the hell is he thinking?"
At this point, is it time to either blow off the whole situation or even the friendship? How serious is he? After all he is sitting across from you drinking a beer with a five o clock shadow like so many times before. He can't be serious.
Then he says " this is so much more than wearing a dress on Halloween. I want to be a woman." Enough is enough. It's time for one of you to leave and the other to stay with a double shot of whiskey to ponder what just happened.
A week or two or three goes past without so much of a word from your transgendered friend. Finally she calls to sound out your feelings. She tells you she values your friendship. Past, present and future. There is nothing overtly sexual about this. She wants you as a friend and can they meet?
Sure, what's the harm. Same old spot. Same old beers, sports talk and 5 o'clock happy hour shadow. That's when it becomes complicated when his friend wants him to meet "her".
The dynamics are intimidating to say the least. For the sake of discussion, let's ignore all the sexual tension and let's forget how much courage and trust was needed to even attempt the connection.
Men are visual creatures and seeing his best friend as the opposite gender is traumatic for the vast majority of men. Just how is that vision working for him? That depends on many intangibles and one huge one. How does she look?
Let's say she doesn't present well. The less than attractive female image projected by his trans friend can cause immediate problems. Hey, she can't be serious.. This is some kind of joke and he will definitely grow out of it! My friend can never expect to even try to be a woman looking like that! A doubled edged sword to the transgendered friend who so desperately wants to be taken seriously.
Let's say she is gorgeous. Face, hair, legs and clothes just could make her the best looking woman in the room...with you. Another set of problems. You are reacting to him as a woman. What's going on with that? What does that make me? Why is your old drinking buddy teasing you with this? Where did those breasts come from anyhow?
If the truth be known, the middle point of the two scenarios is probably the most common. Your transgendered friend mustered a tremendous amount of courage to tell you at all. She put it all on the line to salvage any of a future friendship. Quite possibly the decision to live as her chosen (not birth) gender was a life or death decision.
You should be honored, frustrated, sad or mad. Your friend as you know him is never coming back. The well worn "still the same person..just looks different" doesn't work. Even when she wears jeans and and a sweat shirt to meet you, it will never be the same. She left the boys club.
Just remember, she didn't leave your club. It may take years for her transformation to become complete and just as long for your friendship to recover. Good luck!
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