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Showing posts from November, 2019

Ex Wives

One of the very few times of the year when I have to deal with people who knew the old me, is when my daughter has get togethers for the family. Over the years, I have two ex wives (one is deceased) one ex fiance, long gone since before I joined the Army and a partner (Liz) who I have been around for over eight years now. One thing I need to say is all of the women I mentioned knew in some way of my gender struggles. However, only one...Liz has been able to nurture my transgender nature. My surviving wife remains a solid acquaintance and she is the mother of my only daughter. So, I normally see her a couple times a year during one of my daughter's meet ups. I did see her a couple days ago on Thanksgiving. As we were getting ready to leave, she turned to me and said how good I looked. I was stunned and (even I) was temporarily without words. Finally I recovered and deflected the compliment to my VA health care for some unknown reason. I can only imagine what she really thoug

Loose Ends

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Today I have several loose ends to take care of here in Cyrsti's Condo. First of all, Mandy (who is a fellow train buff) asked about the picture I posted of Liz and I on the Royal Gorge train in Colorado. It by far was my favorite of the trips we took. The road bed was better and the rail coach was more comfortable. Also, more importantly, the view of the river which ran next to us was gorgeous. My next favorite was the  Durango and Silverton narrow gauge trip, also in Colorado. I enjoyed the fact the trip was pulled by a real steam engine. Also I enjoyed both Durango and Silverton. Silverton was especially authentic to me. Finally, we also rode the Georgetown Loop narrow gauge railway. It was fine but still my third favorite to me. So there you go Mandy, my humble opinion on the rails we road. As you can see in the picture, it was definitely windy on several of the trips, so bring a brush for your hair (or wig). Speaking of pictures, Connie sent in a festive new holida

Merry Thanksgiving

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Hello again! I hope you still have a family of sorts you can enjoy Thanksgiving with. I am acutely aware of those who don't. In fact I sacrificed seeing my only brother and his extended family again after I came out as transgender to him. I seemingly have an embarrassment of riches now. Starting with my partner Liz, my daughter, my grand kids and an ever widening group of accepting friends. In the midst of all of this though, I still wonder why I still have a difficult time on occasion accepting what I have. Last night was a good example. Approximately two thirty in the morning, I found myself wide awake and thinking about Thanksgiving. In addition, I have a tendency to sleep with the Hallmark cable television channel on. Somehow, I am ashamed to say a few of the movies have driven me to tears. It happened last night. As I internally churned, I finally came to the conclusion I should do more embracing of who I am. Being weepy on occasion is just fine. Especially after the

Going Out to be Alone?

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Every once in while, or especially after the transgender - cross dresser support group meetings I go to, I like to reflect back to the early days when I was exploring the feminine world. Overall I was trying to figure out when and if I could live full time as a transgender woman. Back in those days, for the most part I was having fun. These days I receive satisfaction from the rare days when I think I look my best. I know years ago when I went out, I liked to think I was going out to be alone. Let me explain. First of all, I was still grieving the passing of my wife and close friends. I was intensely lonely but was aware any or all of my forthcoming friendships would have to revolve around me as a different gender. Not an easy thing to do. Liz and I's vacation picture from the "Royal Gorge" train in Colorado. So I cross dressed all up and went to several of the sports bars I used to go to before as a guy. For the most part I was successful. For awhile I was able

Charlie Martin

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Transgender Le Mans racer Charlie Martin:

Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

"As I so often say, we are just like everybody else, some of us have faith, some don't some of us are musicians some aren't, some are tall some are short, we are everywhere and we are everybody. I recently looked at an old post of mine about yeast ~ I wrote about how yeast permeate every part of what ever it is added to, whether it's beer or bread. In a way Trans people are like yeast, we permeate all of society ~ maybe it's time society realized that we add something special, just like yeast, and celebrate us instead of trying to get rid of us ~ who wants an unleavened society?" Paula Goodwin

"Hair" and Gone

My final visit to my "magician" has come and gone. As I previously wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am going to have to find another hair dresser to go to. Sadly my regular stylist retired. I found out during my final appointment she is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. Which causes pain in the hands. As we said our goodbyes, I almost teared up (damn hormones). As you may recall, she, my stylist, is the one with a transgender son. As always, she worked her magic with my hair and I went upon my way. My hair grows relatively fast, so I will be on the outlook for another stylist. Now, onto another topic. fellow Blogger Mandy Sherman   wrote in with a comment about my trip to the auto repair shop: "Good for you about going to the shop en femme. My mechanics know me, so doing that wouldn't work well...although I go in capris, a blouse, and flats when the weather is warm. Such fun!"  Thanks Mandy! I thought it was a good time to explain a coup

Abby Stein

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From ultra orthodox rabbi to an openly transgender woman, Abby Stein. Stein is thought to be the first openly transgender woman raised in a Hasidic community, an experience she chronicles in her memoir, “Becoming Eve: My Journey from Ultra-Orthodox Rabbi to Transgender Woman,” which was released Nov. 12. Though Stein said she always felt different and was not interested in playing with boys when she was younger, she felt pressured to keep her identity secret and follow the more traditional path of living as a man, getting married and becoming a rabbi. Stein, now 28, lives in New York City. She announced to her parents and the world in 2015 that she was a transgender woman. Stein became what is known as “off the derech,” or path, and left her insular ultra-Orthodox Jewish life and most of her beloved family behind.

A Whole Lot of Stress about Nothing

Well. my trip to the auto store to get the oil changed turned out to be very uneventful.  In fact the guy at the counter barely looked at me as he made small chat about the vastly newer car I brought in to replace one of our ancient ones. I thought at the time he was somehow afraid to look at me but as the afternoon progressed, no one else paid me much attention either. It was highly satisfying just to blend into society and not be outwardly read as a transgender woman. Last night I continued my string of good luck by going to one of the socials put on by my cross dresser - transgender support group. Anymore it is fun for me to just sit back and watch some of the more flamboyant cross dressers out themselves. However, it's a very inclusive group anymore since sitting close to me were two acquaintances who are scheduled to go under the surgeons knife in the upcoming month by undergoing genital realignment surgery. Both have a lot more courage than I have! Not so long ago, we had a

Having Fun?

Way back in the day when I first began to live a little in the public's eye as a woman, I thought it was all "kicks and giggles." After all, what could ever be so bad about getting dressed up and going shopping or eventually even out to eat. As I slowly advanced my cross dressing bucket list, I started to consider doing things which weren't so appealing. Since that time, I have done many different activities which revolved around very male domains. Over the years I have been stared at in auto parts stores and even visited a self serve auto junk yard once. Today I get to go and get the oil changed in the car which I am not really looking forward to. Sometimes though, I look at it all as a rite of passage into the feminine world as a transgender woman. As much as going through a mammogram. On the positive side, watching some guy change the oil in the car is a lot less painful than having a big machine squeeze your breasts.

TDOR Revisited

As predicted, last night's Transgender Day of Remembrance here in Cincinnati was a somber quality event. The speakers did a very good job of relating their personal trans experiences growing up. All five speakers were of color which represented the great majority of slain transgender people so far in 2019. Over 200 people attended. The goal for next year of course is not to have to have a TDOR at all. Maybe all these senseless crimes against our community will end.

TDOR

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Wednesday (today) is a sad day. November 20th is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. The day we pause and remember all the tragic deaths around the world Sadly, so far in 2019 we have lost an estimated 22 transgender or gender non conforming people due to violent measures. Most of which, are trans women of color. It's important to note, these are the reported deaths. I am fortunate enough to be on the planning committee for the local Cincinnati, Ohio solemn get together/vigil. I am proud to say it is going to be a quality event. For a complete list of transgender individuals slain this year, go here to "HRC's" site .

Maxine Heron

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Transgender model Maxine Heron:

Does a Dress Change a Man?

It seems like everytime I turn around I run into another rump supporting old cross dresser on Facebook. The ones who always are so into showing only leg and crotch shots on their profile pictures.  I guess I shouldn't get so upset. Not to aggravate any cross dresser more than I have already done, really you don't have a dog in the transgender discrimination race. After all, you have a vested interest in keeping your white male privilege alive as long as you can. Ignoring completely the future problems of transgender citizens under a thoroughly negative administration in Washington. Perhaps too, I should look at it the same way a dear transgender man friend puts it: He says they are wearing their wigs too tight which is cutting off the circulation to their brains.  It proves once again you can put an old white man in a dress but you can't make him think like a woman or care about the LGBTQ community. Enough of my rant.

Cyrsti's Condo Thought of the Day

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The Future

Since we have been focusing on the past here in Cyrsti's Condo, now lets take a look at something which may benefit you in the future: "Don't believe in luck. Believe in destiny. Put yourself in the best place for it to find you!" Jessie Hart

Trans of a Certain Age

If you have been following the three part series about my life lived mostly in the gender closet, perhaps you saw a glimpse of your life too. Connie did, and here is her comment. *Please note we share several similar experiences because of our age. "For those of us trans women of a certain age, there was no way to know anything, other than some confused notion that being a boy for us seemed to be different than it was for the other boys. Whatever might have been drawing us toward being the other gender (there were only two back then, you know), did not seem to be enough for us to be like the girls, either. Not only was the knowledge and language yet to be formulated by the professionals, let alone society in general, our young minds had no means with which to express ourselves, either. I must have been about three when I felt the need to express my feminine side. While my mother was busy doing something in the living room, I went into her bedroom and climbed onto the bench i

Are You Man Enough

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Part three of my transgender coming of age post revolves around the toughest part of my life. Backtracking just a bit, to the point when I discovered there were more than just one type of cross dresser. It was the most enlightening point when I went to my first "mixers." As I wrote before there were everybody from macho crossdressers to wonderfully feminine creatures. Of course, cliques were formed in the overall group. Basically, the more feminine group went out and partied after the meeting while the others stayed in the hotel. Very quickly I determined I was going to tag along with the group which went out and partied. Ironically I didn't quite fit in with most of them either.  They were basically the "mean girls" of the group. So I did my best to look like them without acting like them. My biggest moment came the night about four of us went to a late night tavern and to the surprise of everyone a guy tried to pick me up and not them. While all of this

Welcome to Hell

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As I continue my Cyrsti's Condo post from yesterday, the best place to pick up the story is when I was honorably discharged from the Army. All of the sudden I had this incredible sense of freedom. As in all freedom's though, this one carried a price. It all started with the naive notion I could continue to come out to others as a transvestite (the common term for a cross dresser) in the mid 1970's. As I have written about several times, I was soundly rejected by my Mom and from there mostly headed back into my closet. By "mostly" I meant, only my wife really knew anything about my cross dressing desires except for a few Halloween adventures when perhaps I looked a little too accomplished as a woman in front of a few of my friends. Amazingly though my normal macho exterior I worked so hard for carried the day. As you can probably guess, the yearly Halloween adventure and dressing up at home behind closed doors wasn't nearly enough. The formula was fairly

It's Not a Choice!

One of the most frequent questions I used to get when I met a stranger was, when did I know I was transgender. After many years of fumbling around with the answer, the most correct one finally came to me...I have always been this way. Now, having said that, certainly there were milestones in my life I could look back on which confirmed my gender dysphoria.  As a youth, for some reason I never gave much thought to why I wanted dolls for Christmas instead of BB guns. I also didn't really know why my attraction to girls in school seemed to be different than most of the other boys. I don't remember acting on any of my cross dressing or girlish desires until I was ten or twelve. In fact, I had a paper route which I used the money from to primarily buy feminine clothes and makeup. When I did, I could stay out of my Mom's wardrobe and makeup. All I had to do was find a good way to hide my stash. As I grew more accomplished during my high school years, I was also able to

Veterans Day

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Most certainly, being a transgender veteran means I pay closer attention to Veteran's Day. And, I appreciate the thanks I get for my service. Vietnam Vets like me didn't get many when we were discharged from the military. It's ironic though, the person who may have benefited the most from me being in the Army, never thanked me for my service. That would be my daughter. You could connect the dots and determine she may not be around at all if it wasn't for the connection between her mother and I  (who was also in the Army) when we were in Germany. For what ever reason she can't seem to remember. Thanks to Connie, Liz and others for their thanks! This is always the time I thank all you other veterans. I know many of you were not forced to serve (the Vietnam draft) but went on your own accord. The ironic part of all of this is, the percentages of transgender military members is probably much higher than anyone has thought. Think of all who paid the ultimate sacrif

It's All in a Name

Connie brought up an interesting point about responding, or not, to one's old "dead name." "Your slight digression made me want to know more. At that time, you had two names. Today, you have a different one. How, then, do you respond, should someone call you by any one of them? I imagine that you would react differently, depending on which one was used. My dead name has become almost incognizant to me after adopting my new name many years ago. If I hear someone in a crowded place say, "Connie," I will likely turn my head in recognition these days, but I no longer do that when my dead name is heard. Well, not until just a couple weeks ago, anyway. I was grocery shopping, and I heard a woman say, in a stern voice, "(Dead name), stop doing that!" I turned around to see a small boy holding a can of something from the bottom shelf, and Mom was standing right over him with a waving finger. It doesn't take a psychologist to tell me why I reacted

Cowboy Dreams

This is an older experience I haven't shared for awhile here in Cyrsti's Condo. In fact it goes back to the 1990's. In those days, I was spending my life divided between the two binary genders. Along the way, I managed to locate a couple small lesbian bars I liked to drink in. One disliked me totally, the other I was accepted in. On certain nights, the venue I was accepted in had karaoke. I don't sing at all (except for a David Allan Coe song I knew.)  The song was/is "You Never Even Called Me By My Name but I digress. I was only vaguely aware it was karaoke night when I got there. I didn't really care because of course singing was the last thing on my mind. I also remember I was wearing my blond wig with jeans, boots and some sort of tight top. Indirectly, I wanted to look nice for the other patrons. It turns out I did I guess! About half way into my second beer, a big butch lesbian comes up (in a cowboy hat no less) and demanded, not asked, if I wou

Positive Results

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Regardless of all the anti LGBTQ hatred being spewed from the White House, there were positive results in elections this week.  In Kentucky, the home of such notables as Moscow Mitch McConnell, the Democratic nominee for governor managed to narrowly defeat the solidly trumper Republican incumbent. Which hopefully bodes well for the upcoming presidential election. Around the country,  After a string of successful general and special elections, the number of LGBTQ elected officials in the U.S. today stands at 698 — the highest number ever, and an increase of nearly 25 percent over last year, according to the Victory Institute, which tracks openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer elected officials. While in Virginia: From the New York Post:" Danica Roem, the first openly transgender person to be elected and serve in a state legislature, was reelected to her Virginia seat on Tuesday. Roem, a Democrat, bested her Republican opponent Kelly McGinn by a 57-43 margi

Changing of the Season

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Well, as expected, the weather around here in Southwestern Ohio is making a dramatic turn from fall to winter.  Fall has always been my favorite season of the year and I am always sad to see it go. Why? Primarily I have always liked the fashions and maybe on a separate level, football has always been my favorite sport. Long ago I decided just becoming a woman should not stop me from enjoying part of my male life I so loved.  Also, fall has always meant a time of deep change to me. Somehow I always have equated fall with my gender transformation.   Perhaps it had to do with Halloween's effects on the season too.  Long suppressed gender feelings of being a girl were reawakened.  Plus, the successes of going out on Halloween in a feminine costume just urged me on to go farther.  One thing led to another and all of a sudden I was at the tipping point of living full time as a transgender woman.  It seemed too, fall was a great fashion time to present as a woman. As I did,

Being Trans Visible

It's election day and I am proud to say I haven't missed many elections over the years. I am sad to say I have witnessed a couple of very bad presidents in my lifetime. Nixon was one. I think you can figure out the other. I am not going to dwell on politics though in this post. I have a couple of comments to get to as well as the experience of voting for the first time as my feminine transgender self. I was a little nervous when I did it but on the other hand couldn't wait to produce my brand new driver's license which said "F" in the gender category, rather than "M". The license was scanned and nothing was said. I was just given my ballot to cast. Wow! It felt good! I guess now, the bad part is voting as a woman has become very mundane. Both comments indirectly touch on the mechanics of getting to the mundane part if you are considering exploring a life as your true self (transgender) or just feel an affinity to dress as the opposite gender (cro

Thanks

Thanks to all of you who have made comments here in Cyrsti's Condo or perhaps are new visitors to the blog. It means a lot! This includes those of you who comment through Facebook. :) As far as the weekend went, we had another Cincinnati Witches Ball committee meeting to go to plus the ever exciting weekly trip to the grocery store. Both went without a hitch. I switched up my outfits and wore my paisley soft leggings I love so much with my long red sweater along with boots of course. As I mentioned in my last post, the two "C"s (Comfort and Confidence) mean so much when combating my gender dysphoria. Again, as I mentioned, I didn't realize how deep my dysphoria ran.  Perhaps it all stems from a few highly unsuccessful  feminine trips in the public eye years ago when I first began to explore a new scary but exciting world. Basically, this was back in the 80's when times were very different.  Most of my problems were self created to be truthful. Basically, I m

Normal?

Saturday was one of those rare days when I felt relatively "normal." Before you jump to conclusions, I know the concept of "normal" is highly subjective.  To narrow it down, to a gender dysphoric person normality is being able to navigate society without being stared at or unnecessarily being singled out. To arrive at the point I achieved yesterday, first I had to feel secure in the way I looked. I wore a pair of my favorite leggings, boots and a nice sweater. I felt the outfit was slimming and showed off my legs. Also, I was able to mousse my hair Friday night after my shower, enhancing my wavy hair. All in all, for once I felt I made the most of what I had to work with. As far as makeup went, the less is more look worked well without my glasses. And, while I am on the subject of makeup, Friday night when Liz and I went out with the cross dresser - transgender group, another trans woman asked me if Liz did my makeup? I was stunned. I have always done my own mak

Say it "Ain't" So

It doesn't seem possible but Christmas is right around the corner and parties are already being scheduled.  In fact, I have one coming up on December 19th. As soon as I found out, I did what most other cis women would do. I scheduled (or tried to) an appointment with my hair stylist. I found out the soonest I could get in was November 22nd. Not my ideal choice but I found out it was the best I could do. Because I learned she was moving out of town and closing down her business. She is the one who has a transgender son and is so understanding to the trans cause.  Plus, more importantly, she does such a great job. Now I have to find another stylist or just let my hair grow out again. I probably will do a little of both.

Dominique Jackson

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From television's Pose , the gorgeous Dominique Jackson:

Another Halloween

Another Halloween has came and gone...almost. I have seen a few places around here in Cincinnati which are having theme parties this weekend which are loosely Halloween based. After all, some people I know would want Halloween celebrated year around. One of those is the "moderator" who I have mentioned extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo. She is the one who got bounced from the board (and all her activities as social director) of the established cross dresser-transgender support group I am a member of. I am rather proud of the fact I have taken the high road in the whole affair. In fact, at Monday's meeting, I was prodded to give my true feelings on the subject. But just shut up. Since, to my knowledge, none of them read my blog, I can do it here.  I really only have a couple problems with the "moderator". I think she is and has been a little frenetic in the way she approached having "socials."  Her invitations began to take on the idea of when