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| JJ Hart |
I once worked at a great job where the company’s motto was, we exceed expectations.
As luck would have it, about the time I worked there was the
same time that I really kicked my gender explorations into hyper-speed. It was
the time when if I was not spending time with my second wife or working, I was
out the door as a novice transgender woman learning the world. Looking back,
that period of my life seems like a blur as both sides of my gender personality
competed for attention.
In many ways the competition was not fair because I was
beginning to feel so natural in the feminine world as my fear of doing it
subsided. I was discovering that my testosterone poisoned body could indeed be
shaped into something that could blend in with the ciswomen who ran the world I
wanted to be part of. My confidence rose every time I succeeded in presenting successfully
in the world as a transfeminine person. I was exceeding my expectations and many
times I could not believe it was me.
To do so, when I could, I picked out many feminine things I
could do to prove to myself that I could. Such as the time I was able to do the
“Black Friday” Christmas shopping with the overwhelming majority of the women
in a mall I always wanted to go to back when malls were still the place to be
to shop after Thanksgiving for deals. I had tried for years to schedule such
an adventure but finally, the sun, moon and stars came together for me, and I was
able to do it.
When I pulled into the mall, it was already packed and I was
lucky I found a close parking place to a side entrance and wore my most
comfortable boots with my big soft sweater and leggings to brave the Ohio cold
and headed inside the warm mall. As I said, the place was packed with women on
a shopping mission, and I soon learned they could not be bothered with worrying
about a single trans woman going about her business. Sadly, I did not have a
long time to spend there because I needed to go to work later in the afternoon,
so I had to leave my adventure behind and drive home. But, on the plus side, I
could mark another experience off my feminine bucket list as I finally was able
to take on the world as a woman during one of their favorite activities…getting
the best shopping bargains at the post-Thanksgiving Black Friday deals.
As I took that off my transgender bucket list, I needed to
rack my brain to think of other primarily ciswomen dominated things to do. Next,
I decided to try my hand on seeing if I could be accepted in a couple of the
small lesbian bars I had heard of in the Dayton, Ohio area. I turned out to be
extremely successful in one of them and extremely hated in another. Which at
the time, I did not think was too bad. The venue I was intensely disliked in
was essentially a lesbian biker bar which did not accept trans women such as me
at all. But the other bar did and I ended up having several great experiences
there.
Such as the night when I was forced to sing karaoke by a
super-butch lesbian in a cowboy hat who I did not think she ever realized I was
trans. At any rate, I made sure I had paid for drinks and left before she
realized why my voice was deeper than hers when we both tried to sing a classic
country song by “David Allan Coe.” Then there was the night I was approached by
another butch who bought me a beer and told me she ought to pick me up and take
me home with her. The only problem was that I was still married at the time,
and my wife would have never believed me if I told her I was abducted by an
alien lesbian. Probably the best part was, out of all the people I knew in the
bar was the main bartender who by accident I learned knew my male self. I never
knew if she had given my secret away that the “lipstick femme lesbian” everyone
was approaching was transgender. Before I found out, sadly the venue had closed,
but my expectations were exceeded when I knew I could be accepted by the
lesbian culture.
Perhaps my biggest win came when I was able to get away from
the gay venues, I was seeking refuge in from the world and try to become more of
a regular in all the straight I sports bars I used to be a regular in when I
was a man. I say the biggest win because for the first time in my life I was
coming out of my gender shell with the chance to learn who I really was in my
new trans womanhood. All of my expectations were quickly exceeded the night I
finally gathered my courage to go back to the nights I thought I was only a
part-time cross dresser and prove myself wrong. I was so much more as I struggled
to learn about and live my reality. The night I did it for the first time at a
TGIF Fridays, set a standard for me and taught me a lesson I could never unlearn,
I could never go back to being a man again.
Setting up a whole new set of expectations for me was never
easy. Especially when it comes to something as complex as living as a whole new
gender. I was naive about how complex a ciswoman’s life could be, as I
primarily learned I had so much more to work through than just worrying about
my appearance. Which was just the first high heeled step into the real world of
women. Many times, I needed to kick my heels off and dive barefoot into the
girls’ sandbox to survive and exceed all the expectations I had ever had.
Hey You!!!! Thanks for reading along with all my writings
and as always thanks for any comments you may have.
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