Validation II

I have received several comments here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning transgender public acceptance I wanted to share with you.

The first comes from Gracie:

I had a similar validating experience at the 5/3 office on Fountain Square. I had euros left over from a trip that I wanted to convert to dollars. I was chatting with the teller and the adjacent teller (I was the only customer at the time).

Everything was going fine until the teller asked for my ID. Not sure why the needed it, but their process wanted to link the transaction to someone in their records. So I reached in my purse and handed her my male drivers license. She started typing from the license, then got a confused look. She looked at me and then looked at the license and started fumbling for words. In my male voice, I said, " I wasn't dressed as nicely for the license photo." She smiled and continued on with the process. When I left she said that it was really a pleasure to meet me. The guard held the door on my way out and said, " Good morning Ma'am" . Great validation. I was on cloud nine.

Thanks Gracie! So exciting!!

The second comes from Connie and her unique personality:

The other day, I did my weekly grocery shopping (the only thing I'm doing in public these days). I was trying to ignore the dysphoria that lingered from what I saw in the bathroom mirror at home. It's always been the lipstick that adds the finishing feminine touch to my appearance - to me, anyway. Wearing a mask over made-up lips seems ridiculous, if not downright messy, so I left the house feeling somewhat undone.

While the checker was running my items through, I made some smartass remark (who, me?), and it suddenly dawned on me that my facial expression may not have been detectable because of the mask. Also, I couldn't tell if the young man behind the counter knew I was joking because he was wearing a mask, too. I immediately followed up with saying, "I just realized that no one can see my smile behind the mask. I was just joking...really!" The woman in line behind me, who was not wearing a mask, had heard me, and she bust out laughing. Aside from the probability that her robust laughing was sending airborne particles far beyond the six foot safe zone, the incident completely distracted me from my dysphoria at that moment.

Even though, after I'd loaded the car with my purchases, I applied my lipstick in the rear-view mirror for the mask-less drive home, I did so out of a positive attitude, and not out of a desire to mask my dysphoria from myself. Hmmm, should I call it an "e-mask-ulating experience? :-)

Thanks Connie!

Teddy Geiger

Transgender singer songwriter Teddy Geiger:

A Transgender Alice?

Transgender author Juno Dawson has come up with a book following in the footsteps of Japanese and Black "Alice's in Wonderland" by writing about a trans Alice.

Dawson herself didn't gender transition until her thirties after already becoming a successful author (James).  The new book itself has been described as being full of cocaine, cosmetics, taboos and tattoos

Be sure to check out this interesting interview from Claire Armistead here.
Check out the book cover too.

Juno Dawson

The Elephant

Connie came through with a comment which may help us all who struggle with how our Mothers viewed our coming out as transgender:

"I'm sure that my mom did not understand my behavior any more than I did. She was embarrassed of me, and probably figured I might have been gay - or some other kind of 'pervert.' Then there was the fact that she had to raise me alone, after my father died when I was eight-years-old. She must have felt as though she was a failure as a parent, and then, maybe, placed some of the blame on no male influence in the house. I'll never know all of this for sure, as we never discussed it - the proverbial elephant in the room."

I think too, women (Mother and/or spouse) do take it personally when we transition. Feeling somehow it was their fault. Unfortunately, many never come to the realization we (the trans person) never had a choice. In many cases, the choice was to transition or to die. 

I have always felt my spouse in particular who didn't mind me being a cross dresser but drew the line at any kind of transgender ideas was (rightfully so) more concerned about what friends and family would think than what she thought. Since she is deceased, I can't ask her. As far as Mother's are concerned, they are more concerned if they did something wrong.

My final point is, never underestimate the influence of a cis woman's ego.As with everything else in the gender spectrum, the feminine ego is as strong as a man's, just in a different direction.  Inheriting a transgender person later in life can't be easy. It is about as far removed as possible from the fairy tale romance a girl may have dreamed of in their youth.

It is just so sad any of us have to negotiate such a traumatic experience in our life. Either transgender women/men or their Mother's and spouses. The elephant is hard to move.

Transition Can be Such a Bitch

As we have recently discussed around here in Cyrsti's Condo, often a gender transition is a peak and valley experience. In my case, the climb out of the valley of gender dysphoria was long and often painful. Quite possibly one of the top two or three people who have followed or been around me over the years has been Connie. I can't quite remember the transgender discussion site we met on so many years ago. I just remember Connie's sharp wit and sarcasm when she "discussed" a topic with one of the many "trans nazi's" who tried to rule the site. These were the days before being "transer than you" became fairly well known. Back in those days, many transgender women thought the amount of operations you had endured made them an entitled class of people within the community.

I remember well, engaging in many not so pleasant discussions with the ultimate...a transphobic trans woman. I remember also making a conscious effort  trying to mold my emerging new person in a different direction, away from being a bitch.  In a recent comment, Connie was kind enough to mention my efforts. And in a new comment mentions it again. Plus builds upon it:

Connie with her "realtor pose"

" And, here, I was hoping you would have, first, picked up on my comment about how you could be such a bitch before transition. :-) I did say that I was willing" to give up my male privilege. I can't say that I totally lost it by transitioning, however. Nor will I ever be able to enjoy the totality of the privilege of being a woman. In a sense, we end up in No Man's/No Woman's Land. We bring with us all that our male privilege had gotten us before, and we try to immerse ourselves in womanhood with hopes that we will be granted some privilege that comes with that. Symbolically, a man can open a door to a world of privilege, while a woman may just wait for a man to open the door for her, so that she can enter one room. Of course, it's much more complicated than only that, but having lived with the privilege of a man's world gives us a unique perspective.

I've thought that the old joke about a man refusing to ask for directions kind of sums it all up. The picture that plays in my mind has a man and a woman in a '57 Thunderbird, top off, stopped at one of those old gas stations along a deserted highway. The man is in the driver's seat, of course, and it's probably out of dumb luck that he came across this gas station with only a mile's-worth of gas left in the tank. He's lost, but he won't admit it, and the woman is frantically studying a road map - which the man assumes she can't read. In fact, he's even annoyed that she opened the map, in the first place, because he thinks she won't be able to re-fold it properly when she's done with it. As the attendant is replacing the pump handle, the woman is saying, under her breath, "Ask him, just ask him!" The man hands the attendant a five dollar bill (more than enough to fill the tank of a '57 Thunderbird in those days) and, while the attendant is fumbling in his pocket for the change, the woman, pointing to a spot on the map, blurts out, "How do we get HERE?" As the man sits in silent embarrassment, the attendant takes a quick look at her map, and then drawls out, "Well, y'all can't get there from here." No Man's/No Woman's Land."

Excellent! You have come a long way too my friend!

Building a Dream

I am currently working on one of chapters of my book which focuses on the past decade or so of my life. I did it because it occurred to me a large majority of the book dealt entirely with my life before that time and nothing more current. 

One of the ideas which occurred to me was how long it actually took me to leave my male self/life behind.  I literally wasted decades seeking out an answer to my gender dysphoria which I had known all along and was afraid to confront. I only knew the time I was spending as a prospective transgender woman felt increasingly natural. The changes came because the time I was spending in a feminine world had changed because of my perspective. Suddenly I was approaching my life as a transgender woman as just that...not a cross dresser. There was a huge adjustment to face when I did it.

There was also the question of what I was going to do with the decades of male baggage I carried with me. I was fortunate in that I discovered I could go to and be accepted by others with similar "hobbies" such as drinking draft beer and watching sports. In fact, back in those days, it was just becoming fashionable for all women to enjoy a craft beer and watch a game on one of the many new giant televisions in the venue. 

I began to appreciate the male years which had did their best to deliver me to the spot I had finally arrived. After all, the body I inherited proved to be very resilient to health problems and provided me just enough background to not be bullied much at all. Plus, good or bad, my body had carried me through three years in the Army and provided my share of DNA to reproduce a very talented and intelligent accepting daughter. 

I'm not a big fan of "what if's" but if I had it all to do over again, I would have followed through on my wife's advice to be man enough to be a woman much earlier. I was just too stubborn to do it.  

Southern Style

Susan Lee was kind enough to send in this You Tube video on Girl Code "Southern Style." Thanks!!!!

Shopping

No! Not that type of shop till you drop! No combing the thrift stores for every little and/or major bargain. The only shopping I am writing about is getting up at the butt crack of dawn to make it early to our favorite grocery store before the stock was all gone thanks to a bunch of crazy people still hoarding. As it was, we arrived a hour after the place opened and all the toilet paper and pasta was already gone. 

Of course we were all practicing social distancing even to the point of one third of the people in the store wearing masks of some sort. It seemed people were so intent on maintaining the correct social distancing, no one even took the effort to even side glance at me. So much for the painstaking time I took to apply a light makeup designed to look as if I wasn't trying at all.

Actually though, all the distancing was just fine by me. At my age and with my previous breathing issues, I definitely qualify as an "at risk" person. Also this morning was the first time in nearly two weeks I have ventured out at all.

On another level the pandemic has affected us as a family. Yesterday my partner Liz learned she was being furloughed from her job indefinitely. Now she has to try to navigate the bureaucratic mess which is the Unemployment System here in Ohio which of course is being terrifically strained from all the people suffering job losses. 

The moral to the story (or this post) is stay in, stay safe and do the best you can during these difficult times.  

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" Here comes a new Sunday Edition "fresh off the press!"  The coffee pot is on, so have a seat in your comfy "jammies" and lets get started.

Page 1.- Don't Look Now.  The big public relations "splash" this week was when previously androgynous super model Andrej Pejic, came out as transgender woman Andreja.  This move most likely wasn't a complete surprise to those who have followed Pejic's career.

What is important is what she (Andreja) said:  announcing on social media Thursday that she’s officially transitioned from male to female, and that doing so has saved her life.“As a transgender woman I hope to show that after transition (a life-saving process) one can be happy and successful in their new chapter without having to alienate their past,”

Now I would expect her to make talk show rounds on places like "The View" which would bcome decidedly become trans-centric after the recent appearance of Laverne Cox. (**Editor's Note-  maybe closet blond transphobe bigot Jenny McCarthy will keep her moth shut!)
Seriously, when coming out as transgender becomes rather "Ho-Hum" we will finally begin to ascend the power ladder in the GLBT hierarchy.  Pejic's move will certainly help!

Page 2.- Women Drivers?  A topic this week in the "Condo" which garnered much attention were the stories of being "caught" cross dressed as a woman behind the wheel of a vehicle. Just jump back two or three posts and catch up if you haven't!!!!

As Mandy commented, there is really no way to control the other drivers of the world and driving cross dressed (or en femme) does have it's inherent risks.  No way around it.  My original point to the discussion was, if you are really thinking about transitioning further, a little peak into what a woman goes through in a male dominated profession is when you have car problems!  We don't have enough space here for me to tell you all the dumb things I did when I first began to explore the world in my car as my feminine self.  These days though it's a bit different for me since I'm more confident of myself and more apt to understand a man trying to "over explain" why my tire does not hold air!  I'm not above playing  the "dumb woman" card just to get my damn tire changed! Somehow it's Karma. 

FYI Mandy et all, my little prayer for everything I do is, "But by the grace of the Goddess go I!"

Page Three .- Pot Potpourri.  This week I proved once again why I'm not the sharpest tack in the box by not taking my meds right and cheating myself out of approximately six months of a higher dose of the testosterone reducing drug Spiro. As I wrote last week, I really don't "measure" the girls too much but I do know I'm getting close to a full  "C" cup bra these days.  To me one of the bigger changes I have felt is the amount of extra "tissue" under my arms. I am fairly certain my Mom was a "D" or "DD" (we never discussed it) so genetically - on HRT, any thing past a full "C" cup may exceed my expectations.


Once again there seems to be a steady push going on to establish equal rights for transgender veterans.  In many ways, the Andreja Pejic of we trans vets everywhere is former Navy Seal Kristin Beck. (shown at left) It's important to note on Facebook she is pretty much disowning what happened to her in her first book "Warrior Princess". She has a new web site called "Lady Valor" you may want to check out.  The link is above. 

Finally, if you are a transgender vet, there is a survey for you to take from the VA.  If you need the link, please email me- cyrstih@yahoo.com.

Page 4.- The Back Page.  As I said, it has been quite the week around the "Condo" and I soooo appreciate all of "youse girls comments!" "Goddess willing and the creeks don't rise, have a great week!!!"

A Transgender Journey to Discovery

This video shows the torment young transgender women go through and the steps taken to try to "relieve" the problem.  Don't expect an "amazing" transition here...expect reality.  Check it out for yourself on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen: