Showing posts with label male to female cross dressers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label male to female cross dressers. Show all posts

Monday, November 21, 2022

Why Men Don't Trust Me

 I left the men's club is the main reason. Men don't trust me. I knew how to play the game. On top of just playing a game I never wanted to play, I was able to play it fairly well. I had a loving wife and daughter, a good job, two college degrees and my own restaurant when I decided to leave the club. I was macho and tried desperately to hide any feminine tendencies I inadvertently would show a friend or stranger. Cigars, many beers and sports were my best friends.  As you can see by the image I worked hard at it. 

My before picture cross dressing as a man.

The problem was, I didn't want to play in the club at all and never did want to play. In fact years later I finally came to the conclusion I wasn't cross dressing as a woman, my inner feminine dominant self was cross dressing as a man. Even though I took my time transitioning to my authentic self, there were still surprises I was too na├»ve to realize they were going to happen.  

What I am referring to is all the male privileges I lost and relatively quickly. In fact, I was able to measure how well I presented by how I was treated by men. I can't say I was treated as a cis woman because I didn't know exactly what that was, I just know I was treated differently the better I presented as a woman. The first time I felt it was a night in a large sports bar venue when for some reason I ended up in a conversation with a group of men. Through it all, even all I was knowledgeable concerning the subject, I was ignored. It was my first experience at being ignored  as a woman in a male dominated conversation. Of course from there more was to come. Much more as a matter of fact. Along the way I learned how vulnerable I became as a transgender woman when a much larger man cornered me in a hallway and I quickly learned how women could be taken advantage of sexually. 

Then there were the times I almost was attacked in dark spaces I shouldn't have been in to start with. I finally learned to ask for friends to escort me to my car. The so called honeymoon phase of leading a feminine life and leaving the men's club was rapidly disappearing. I knew it was coming, just not as fast as it did.

Another reason men didn't trust me is for the same reason the two main binary genders have a difficult time communicating to start with. The men who knew I used to be in the men's club also knew I had knowledge of what went on behind the male gender curtain which threatened their often male senses of being. I have often mentioned how men in reality are the most frail gender and they proved it to me again after I transitioned and even began to try to date a few guys. After being stood up a number of times when I insisted meeting in a public place and meeting a few guys who wanted to wear my panties I finally gave up on the pressure of trying to find a good man and fell back into the circle of women friends I had been fortunate enough to develop. I didn't end up missing the men's club or their mistrust of me at all. Before I go any farther trashing men as a gender, let me say stereotypes are wrong to use and I did encounter several decent men along the way. Timing and destiny, or mistrust on my end could have spelled doom for any potential relationships I may have developed. 

As it turned out I never burned my military draft card during the Vietnam War and I served my time. On the other hand, without any remorse I burned my men's club card and moved on. I had again served my time and I was able to move on. I guess you could say my failed attempt to live out my life as a man was as doomed as the war in Vietnam anyhow. It was just wrong.

Monday, November 14, 2022

Popcorn Girl

 Recently I wrote a post explaining how I always wanted to look like one of the old time cigarette girls who sold tobacco products in nite clubs. Later on, after I wrote the post, I happened upon this photo of  famous female impersonator Grae Phillips. 

Photo Courtesy 
Grae Phillips 

Perhaps you may remember Grae from the early era of talk shows such as Jerry Springer, Maury and Sally. Just to scratch the surface. Over a period of time even I tired of the shows efforts to exploit cross dressers such as me.

Every once in a while though, I would see an impossibly beautiful cross dresser or female impersonator who I wanted in the worst way to look like. Grae Phillips, billed as the real live "Tootsie" (after the movie) was one of the best. Grae could sing as well as any cis woman and totally looked the part.

So naturally I was impressed when I found this photo on social media of Grae dressed as a popcorn girl several years ago in New York City. My knowledge of Grae plus classic drag or cross dressing stores such as "Lee Brewster's"  were a large part of the reason I moved from my native Ohio to the NYC metro area. Sadly, I never did have the opportunity to visit Lee's but I did take advantage of the opportunity to go a transvestite "mixer" one night on nearby Long Island. 

It turned out to be one fantastic evening as I almost didn't get admitted to the mixer at all. There were two women at the door standing guard so to speak and told me no "real" women could be admitted to this private event. I had to show them my then male drivers license to get in. Needless to say I was extremely flattered.

I also never had the chance to see one of Grae Phillips shows in person when I lived in New York. The closest I ever came was when they accepted my friend request on social media. I guess you can say I am a groupie but then again I couldn't understand how someone who looked that good as a woman  could ever not want to live fulltime. I was still in the period of my life when I was obsessed with appearing as a woman. Not living as one. 

In many ways life was simpler back then before I began to learn the many hidden facets of a woman's life. Much more difficult than just looking like the cigarette or popcorn girl.