Why Trans People will Win

 These days as we transgender women and transgender men are under unpresented attacks from unresponsive bigoted politicians across the country, our future often seems dim. With all which is going on, what everyone against us doesn't realize is, we as individuals and as a community have been through this all before. An example would be how many of us grew up with no family support when we thought of attempting to express our authentic gender selves. We were "born" into our gender worlds with extreme problems on how to survive. As an example, I was born into a very male dominated family where any femininity on my part would have been dealt with drastically. I learned the hard way how to exist with no outlet to my gender needs. 

Equally as important was the fact I had little to no information from the world concerning others who may have felt the same way as I did. I didn't know how many ancient societies actually held transgender individuals in high esteem. Some to the point of worshiping them. In todays' western societies difference is bad and often gender is regarded as one of the most different personal differences a person can face. But face it we do and I use the "tunnel" example to explain why. Once we are able to finally take the steps to open our gender closets and explore, we are faced with looking down a long tunnel with a small light at the end. It takes all of us differing amounts of time to recognize the light at the end of the tunnel is not actually the train but actually an exciting new world.

Now we have the public knowledge and information to never go back into our gender closets. We as a transgender community are also realizing the time to put away petty differences is behind us because the bigots are coming after us. ALL of us, including cross dressers who comfortably (or not) stay hidden away in their closets. Many are now learning the chance to ever escape and live their truth may be taken away. The rejection of drag shows in states such as Tennessee could be just the start of going back to the 1950's and early 60's when merely being dressed in public as a member of the opposite sex could get you arrested. I was a pre teen during those times and remembering it happening where I lived near Dayton, Ohio. Something all cross dressers should think of. 

Another reason we will win is even though we as part of the LGBTQA community are taking the countries bigots best shot, we are becoming more organized than ever before. Even the rather conservative non political transgender-cross dresser support group I am part of came out in public against all the anti-transgender propaganda and legislation. It is very real to those of us who live in Cincinnati, Ohio just across the river from the Commonwealth of Kentucky which just over rode a veto by it's governor to pass a strict anti trans bill. 

What all the bigots don't realize is how hard we have worked and how much we have sacrificed to live as our authentic selves. We simply won't go back. The more we transgender people are out in public and into society the more people will understand what we are really about. It may take awhile but we still will win. 

Why Men Don't Trust Me

 I left the men's club is the main reason. Men don't trust me. I knew how to play the game. On top of just playing a game I never wanted to play, I was able to play it fairly well. I had a loving wife and daughter, a good job, two college degrees and my own restaurant when I decided to leave the club. I was macho and tried desperately to hide any feminine tendencies I inadvertently would show a friend or stranger. Cigars, many beers and sports were my best friends.  As you can see by the image I worked hard at it. 

My before picture cross dressing as a man.

The problem was, I didn't want to play in the club at all and never did want to play. In fact years later I finally came to the conclusion I wasn't cross dressing as a woman, my inner feminine dominant self was cross dressing as a man. Even though I took my time transitioning to my authentic self, there were still surprises I was too naïve to realize they were going to happen.  

What I am referring to is all the male privileges I lost and relatively quickly. In fact, I was able to measure how well I presented by how I was treated by men. I can't say I was treated as a cis woman because I didn't know exactly what that was, I just know I was treated differently the better I presented as a woman. The first time I felt it was a night in a large sports bar venue when for some reason I ended up in a conversation with a group of men. Through it all, even all I was knowledgeable concerning the subject, I was ignored. It was my first experience at being ignored  as a woman in a male dominated conversation. Of course from there more was to come. Much more as a matter of fact. Along the way I learned how vulnerable I became as a transgender woman when a much larger man cornered me in a hallway and I quickly learned how women could be taken advantage of sexually. 

Then there were the times I almost was attacked in dark spaces I shouldn't have been in to start with. I finally learned to ask for friends to escort me to my car. The so called honeymoon phase of leading a feminine life and leaving the men's club was rapidly disappearing. I knew it was coming, just not as fast as it did.

Another reason men didn't trust me is for the same reason the two main binary genders have a difficult time communicating to start with. The men who knew I used to be in the men's club also knew I had knowledge of what went on behind the male gender curtain which threatened their often male senses of being. I have often mentioned how men in reality are the most frail gender and they proved it to me again after I transitioned and even began to try to date a few guys. After being stood up a number of times when I insisted meeting in a public place and meeting a few guys who wanted to wear my panties I finally gave up on the pressure of trying to find a good man and fell back into the circle of women friends I had been fortunate enough to develop. I didn't end up missing the men's club or their mistrust of me at all. Before I go any farther trashing men as a gender, let me say stereotypes are wrong to use and I did encounter several decent men along the way. Timing and destiny, or mistrust on my end could have spelled doom for any potential relationships I may have developed. 

As it turned out I never burned my military draft card during the Vietnam War and I served my time. On the other hand, without any remorse I burned my men's club card and moved on. I had again served my time and I was able to move on. I guess you could say my failed attempt to live out my life as a man was as doomed as the war in Vietnam anyhow. It was just wrong.

Popcorn Girl

 Recently I wrote a post explaining how I always wanted to look like one of the old time cigarette girls who sold tobacco products in nite clubs. Later on, after I wrote the post, I happened upon this photo of  famous female impersonator Grae Phillips. 

Photo Courtesy 
Grae Phillips 

Perhaps you may remember Grae from the early era of talk shows such as Jerry Springer, Maury and Sally. Just to scratch the surface. Over a period of time even I tired of the shows efforts to exploit cross dressers such as me.

Every once in a while though, I would see an impossibly beautiful cross dresser or female impersonator who I wanted in the worst way to look like. Grae Phillips, billed as the real live "Tootsie" (after the movie) was one of the best. Grae could sing as well as any cis woman and totally looked the part.

So naturally I was impressed when I found this photo on social media of Grae dressed as a popcorn girl several years ago in New York City. My knowledge of Grae plus classic drag or cross dressing stores such as "Lee Brewster's"  were a large part of the reason I moved from my native Ohio to the NYC metro area. Sadly, I never did have the opportunity to visit Lee's but I did take advantage of the opportunity to go a transvestite "mixer" one night on nearby Long Island. 

It turned out to be one fantastic evening as I almost didn't get admitted to the mixer at all. There were two women at the door standing guard so to speak and told me no "real" women could be admitted to this private event. I had to show them my then male drivers license to get in. Needless to say I was extremely flattered.

I also never had the chance to see one of Grae Phillips shows in person when I lived in New York. The closest I ever came was when they accepted my friend request on social media. I guess you can say I am a groupie but then again I couldn't understand how someone who looked that good as a woman  could ever not want to live fulltime. I was still in the period of my life when I was obsessed with appearing as a woman. Not living as one. 

In many ways life was simpler back then before I began to learn the many hidden facets of a woman's life. Much more difficult than just looking like the cigarette or popcorn girl.