Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Trauma

I read a post today from one of my Facebook contacts I know in person. Plus, she also spent time in my hometown where she went to college.

It seems, she went back to re-live the "good old days" on the college campus, instead all she got was a sense of deep trauma. She couldn't figure it out because she was discussing the days before she transitioned into the transgender woman she is today.

Of course I got to thinking of why the town brings me so much trauma too. In my case it has to do with several factors. The most major of course, had to do with all the loss of life which happened around me.  From parents, to spouse, to close friends, I lost them all there. Then there were the two businesses I lost in the city I'm from. And, finally, there are the two properties I still own there I am trying to get rid of.

In fact, I don't have to go there to suffer the trauma, I feel it right now. I have my own little trick to get rid of the stress by using a phantom eraser in my mind. With my meditation it works fairly well...most of the time.

The trauma which I suffer which still baffles me is when I go for a night out. Literally, it has been over five years ago since I have received a very negative comment. Outside of the occasional mis-gendering, I just don't have many problems. So why the trauma? I consider it a form of PTSD which most likely will be with me forever.

Might as well learn to live with it. Such is a transgender life.

Monday, July 30, 2018

Finding a New Voice

As I am only approximately a week away from my voice therapy session at the Veterans Administration, I am keenly aware of any posts I find on my email feed on the subject.

I found one this morning on "The Washington Post" which put a bit of a different spin on the subject. 

I have decided to pass along a few excerpts:

 “We’re not just changing their voice pitch,” said Adrienne Hancock, an associate professor at George Washington and a pioneer in the field, according to many of her professional peers. “We’re changing how they express themselves.

”It is vital to transgender women to find the feminine voice that matches their gender identity, gives them confidence and helps prevent harassment.
Dena, the woman undergoing the training session — she asked that her last name not be used — explained the danger of being a transgender woman with a man's voice in the company of strangers.
“Passing is a safety thing for transgender people, and the voice is part of that,” she said. “It’s not just for me to be comfortable, but to protect me.”
The problem for transgender women is that finding a feminine voice is no easy task. As The Washington Post reported, testosterone, which transgender men take to build up their muscles and grow facial hair, also increases the size of their vocal folds, making their voices deeper. Estrogen, however, which most transgender women take, can’t shrink the vocal cords.
Go here for more.


Thanks

Thanks for the responses concerning my test post. One thing I neglected to mention, the G-pad was nearly free with my phone upgrade. I feel pretty spiffy with my new girly sparkly phone case :).

And, no Connie, it's not a G-spot phone. Jeni, I wish I could understand half of what you were telling me. I am very technological challenged!

 If the device turns on and works, I am happy. Plus, the cute guy who did all the work,  managed to transfer everything from my old phone and didn't mis-gender me once.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Testing a New Toy

I am trying out a new G pad 8.0 to see if I can post directly to the blog.

It has the possibility of making life more productive when i wait for upcoming doctors appointments.

Another Night Out

Last night turned out to be a fairly uneventful evening. The group was a little different with two confirmed cross dressers, a gay couple and Liz and I. It seemed, I was the token "bitchy"transgender woman.

The gossip last night revolved mostly around people I didn't even know, so I wished they were there to defend themselves. One, I think, was a dating interest of one of the cross dressers who prides himself on the number of cis girls who supposedly want to date him. (As you noticed, I do use the "he" pronoun with him.) If you knew him, you would agree.

Overall, yesterday was a very busy day. I started by joining Liz for her karate class, then spent an hour and a half of my life I will never get back waiting to get a new cell phone to replace the ancient one I had. From there we made another stop before going shopping for a dress to wear during dinner. Fortunately, I found another very sharp green patterned maxi dress which offset my still reddish hair. Plus, while I was there, I found a couple of "softies" night shirts.

Finally, we went on attack mode and took on the grocery store.

Throughout the day, no one mis-gendered me and it was great to just be myself.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

You Can Call Me...

Following a post essentially about labels and the trans girl....Connie sent in this comment:

"Since my early days of suffering from gender dysphoria, I have never heard a word that could describe who I am. What I apparently WAS, though, before the term "transgender" had ever been coined, was a transvestite. Still, I could not accept that term as one that defined who I was. I feel the same way about how the term "transgender" does not describe well enough who I am now. If others need the term to have something with which to define me, so be it; I do not use it for myself. Now that just "trans" seems to be the more popular word, I prefer to say that, for me, it is short for "transcend", as I feel I have done more than simply crossed a gender line.

I like the other joke: The difference between a trans woman and a cross dresser is that a cross dresser can't wait to get home to put her bra on, and a trans woman can't wait to get home so she can take her bra off. If only it were so simple, however. There is also a difference between a cross dresser and cross dressing, even if that is what a cross dresser does. When one determines that she will, henceforth, live the rest of her life as a woman, I don't think she cross dresses at all. I was never a cross dresser, but I cross dressed for many years as a means of survival until I could transcend. Transcending coincided with transition, but the first is the spiritual part, while the latter is more physical in nature.

Whatever "trans" word one wants to use, we all have the same seed that prompts us to want to express our feminine side. In that sense, "transgender" could be as good an umbrella term as any. We're not all the same, in gender or otherwise. I have long since given up wondering if I should be the one holding the umbrella or just be one out on the fringe with one foot in and one out. There was a time, for a short while, when I was happy to have the protection of that umbrella, and it was instrumental in getting me out of the closet. It wasn't long, though, before I realized that just expressing my feminine side on Thursday nights was exactly seven days and six nights short of what I needed.

Another thing I have had to endure in my life is whether I am a real musician or not. I am a drummer, even considered to be a percussionist by some, but have been told that drummers are not real musicians (How do you know the drummer is knocking at the door? Pizza is being delivered). I sing, as well, which can be just a problematic. My point is that, with many things in life, there will always be some people who will try to diminish others in order to bolster their own egos. But let's not let that get us into presidential politics now...... :-)"
Yes! No politics Lol! Thanks :)

Upcoming Events

Once again, our Saturday social calendar filled out for this weekend.

Unexpectedly last night, Liz got a text from her new BFF inviting us again to an upscale Italian venue for dinner. It means we must have passed the stringent requirements after the first one. You may remember, it was the evening I wore my maxi dress for the first time.

Actually, I find the whole adventure relatively strangely entertianing  due to the other participants. You may also remember the organizer is the one who said all transgender women on HRT are bitches. If she only knew how much fun we had with that one!

Also, as August comes closer and closer, it is turning out to be a busy month for us. I have my vocal/speech appointment coming up August 6th and four more scheduled visits for other reasons during the month.

Week one is my second hair appointment and week four, we are headed back to Columbus, Ohio for another mini vacation.

Add in a couple more "tag a longs" with Liz and our Friday night karaoke party and August should be quite the month.

Friday, July 27, 2018

You Talking to Me?

Monday night, at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I go to, one of the co-moderators climbed her high horse and said something I hadn't heard since a transvestite mixer I went to in the mid 1980's.

She puffed up like a rooster and said, "Why should I wear pants, I had to wear them my entire life." "I never wear them." Fortunately I didn't have to open my mouth because another "jeans wearer" was sitting almost next to her and let her have it.

Plus, if you didn't know it, nearly 80 percent of the time, I don't wear dresses. I call it my lesbian upbringing. But, I regress:

In no uncertain terms jeans woman reminded the moderator, these days (if she noticed) almost all women wear some sort of pants and/or leggings. And, then added the clincher, if the moderator wanted to blend better or even look better, she may want to consider adding some sort of pants/slacks to her wardrobe.

Similar to a summer thunderstorm, the disturbance came and went without further comment.

There is nothing wrong with always wearing dresses...or pants. Just be a woman and enjoy the fact you can. Then, do your best to stay out of someone else's business.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

A New Friend?

Yesterday, I tagged along to one of my partner Liz's therapy sessions and was sitting there casually fooling with my phone, when a younger (twenty something) girl sat down close to me.

She was very friendly and almost immediately started a conversation the tried and true feminine way, she complemented me on my hair color. I told her thanks and it was in transition back to my original color.

She was wearing some sort of a blue/green lipstick and light green feather earrings...both of which I complemented her on.

After our brief enjoyable conversation, I asked if she was there to see the same therapist as Liz and she said yes. So when Liz came out I learned her name (Alex) and prompted introductions all around.

Hopefully, I will get to see her again and no, nothing was ever said about me being transgender.

Is Transgender an Umbrella Term?

At Monday nights' cross dresser - transgender meeting, an interesting topic was brought up...is a cross dresser in reality no different than a transgender woman. Or, as the old joke goes, what's the difference between a cross dresser and trans woman ? Normally, about two to three years.

The point at the meeting was a good one. If you are dressing as the opposite gender, aren't you crossing gender lines and being transgender anyhow?

As I see it, the difference for a transgender woman is how she thinks. A cross dresser is likely to be more gender fluid and still enjoy her time being a guy. A transgender brain tells the person it's a "no brainer" (no pun intended). The trans person suffers a constant conflict between what their senses are telling them versus the body they were born with.

Thus, I still use the term transsexual to describe most of the people who are able to go the distance and get a sex realignment surgery. From the beginning, these trans people just know to feel complete, they just need the surgery.

Then there are transgender women such as me, who go against many lines of thought and see no need for surgery. If I was much younger though, I am the first to admit, my thinking could be different.

So, I have no problem with combining the cross dressers with the trans group and then leaving them out at surgery time.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

He's Such a Girl

Everyone once in a while, my partner's twenty year old son does something to cause both of us (or at least me) to think, he is such a girl. Of course, I may be just thinking out of jealousy, when he gets part of his hair dyed blue, or something else.

At his age I was never able to think much about acting girlish. I was too busy getting ready for three years serving Uncle Sam. Looking ahead to basic training takes most girly thoughts right out of your head. Or at least, it did for me.

Ironically though, I can't remember thinking three years of intense testosterone training would solve any of my gender malfunctions, commonly known as gender dysphoria. I know many transgender women join the military hoping to do just that.

When I go to any of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings, one of my favorite things to do to keep me remotely engaged, is to imagine what other attendees were like before their transition. I usually do it for everyone, especially if they are a novice cross dresser. Many, I wish I had their body style because they are naturals!

Very simply put...he is such a girl!

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

HRT

First of all, "HRT" refers to hormone replacement therapy or the taking of hormones of the opposite birth gender, while taking another med to decrease your existing gender hormones.

If it sounds complicated, some time it is and sometimes it isn't, depending many times on your age and health. For example, taking extra estrogen (or a synthetic replacement) has been linked to extra blood clots and other health problems.

So, HRT is not for everyone and should always be administered under the guidance of a physician.

My reason for outlining all of this comes from a comment from Connie:

"I'm always so happy when one of my comments elicits a meaningful response (less often, my meaningful comments cause illicit responses). I'm sure that my proverbial check is in the proverbial mail - and lost, once again. :-)

If I may respond to Melissa's comment, I want her to know that I have not undergone hormone therapy because Of a medical condition (blood clots), so I talk of HRT mainly through my observations of other trans women. I have come to the conclusion that HRT is powerful fuel for one who is ready to handle it, but I've also noted that those who aren't ready can be powerfully fooled by it. You need to first develop a thick skin to handle the adversity that comes with transitioning, and HRT can lead to thin skin - both literally and figuratively."

I will have to check with the post office to see if your checks have found their way to the same place as mine! :)
Thanks for reminding everyone, HRT is not for everybody and will cause powerful changes. So, if you are considering beginning hormone therapy, expect your life to change. Often in more ways than you would ever think.
In no way though, does taking hormones make you more transgender than the next trans woman. 

Monday, July 23, 2018

Feminine Spirit

Back we go to Michelle West's comment concerning meshing your feminine spirit with your male physical being.

One of the most common questions I get, continues to be, when did I know I was transgender.

Looking back, I probably always had a feminine spirit I was trying to contain. My physical male self fought quite the battle for over a half century.

Along the way, I worked when I could on transforming my male side into something more palatable to my feminine spirit just screaming to get out. Each time I was able to cross dress and get a short fix, life seemed better for a short while. All too quickly though, my inner girl was screaming for more. Ironically, she didn't seem to understand I was doing the best I could and my male self was fighting too.

Life was hell, when both of my genders battled. I self medicated too much with alcohol and became a "macho" drinker. Along with that came participation in many ultra masculine activities, like sports and smoking cigars. What made life even more frustrating, was being a guy came so easy to me on occasions and was even fun. At the same time, I never lost my feminine compass.

Slowly but surely, my feminine side began to gain a bigger foothold as I cross dressed and went out a couple days a week. I learned small lessons each time but was forced to go back to guy mode and forget most of them.  I endured though, and even began to establish a small life where people only knew me as a woman...transgender or not.

Of course, we all know how this story ends. All the doors magically began to open in my early 60's and I was able to complete a MTF gender transition. For years now, I have been able to live on HRT full time as a woman.

It took my feminine spirit a long time to do it but like any patient woman, she knew what she wanted and she got it. 

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Spiritual versus Physical Transgender

Melissa West sent this comment into Cyrsti's Condo which prompted me to think about a different Mtf gender transition idea. It came via another comment from Connie.

"Thank you Crysti for posting the FabulousConneDee comment.

I strongly identify with her last two paragraphs even though I am a continent away (UK England) and have not seen Lost in Transition. I had planned to move over to taking pharma hormones but I now realize that I am not yet ready. I have more work to do on self-acceptance and social integration into the female environment. In other words, my spiritual journey needs to catch up with my physical journey."

As I said, I never considered my spiritual versus physical transition., but it is a very real deal. And, it took me years to merge the two. Thanks to  you Melissa. Here is Connie's comment she referred to:

"I found it hard to understand how these trans women could be all-in on the hormones and surgeries before even taking the rudimentary step toward social transition. Whatever happened to the rule of living authentically for a year beforehand? I think it's a wise thing to do, even if it's not a requirement. If you are not able to accept your feminine-self, or can't cope with presenting yourself to the world without a professional makeover, then your chances of being happy with yourself are greatly reduced.

Of course, I think I've been successful with my transition because I've done it the right way! Then, I think again and realize that no two transitions are the same - nor are any two trans women. You won't see my wife and I on this show, if it is extended, however."

Finally, here is a link to the original post.

Super Trans!

From the "Hollywood Reporter" :

"The CW's Supergirl is making some important TV history.
The DC Comics drama has enlisted transgender activist and actress Nicole Maines to play TV's first transgender superhero.
Maines will join the fourth season of the Warner Bros. TV-produced drama as Nia Nal (aka Dreamer), a character described as a soulful young transgender woman with a fierce drive to protect others. Nia's journey in season four means fulfilling her destiny as the superhero Dreamer, which is similar to Kara's (Melissa Benoist) journey to become Supergirl."

"The role arrives as transgender stories are becoming increasingly common on the small screen. FX's dance musical Pose, already renewed for a second season, set a TV record earlier this year for the largest cast of transgender characters portrayed by transgender series regulars"


Saturday, July 21, 2018

Just a Touch


Finally! In Deborah Boland's Fabulous After 40 fashion blog, I glimpsed my first view of Fall fashion. For several reasons, fall is my favorite time of the year. First, the weather is cooling down and the leaves are turning beautiful colors. Second, I love the fashions with soft sweaters and boots returning to the fashion scene and three, fall always represented to me a certain finality of change. One of which could finally propel me into a dreamed of life of living as a woman. 
Plus, as I looked at this outfit, I remembered the boots I have which look just like these. Somehow, I had tucked them away and forgot I had them! So I have a brand new pair for this fall. And, of course I love the jeans and sweater! Can't wait for Fall!

Friday, July 20, 2018

Stuck to the Tube?

I guess the correct way to say it these days is "binge watching" a certain television or cable show on whatever media you choose.

All season long, I stayed fairly current with the TLC Network show, Lost in Transition. As with anything else in the transgender community, the show had to deal with many complex situations as it followed the lives of four couples dealing with the husband coming out as trans.

Connie followed up with us here in Cyrsti's Condo on her take on the show:


"I did a mini-binge watch of episodes 7, 8, and 9 a couple of days ago when it was 93 degrees outside and I didn't feel like moving around anyway. I cried a few times, but not for the couples who were breaking up over their respective transitions. Rather, I cried for the acceptance of family and friends for the others; happy tears!

I decided to watch the series based on your blog post, but I was still a little tentative about it. So much of these shows seem so decisive in their edited presentations, and I get so tired of the "reveals" and comparisons of the subjects' presentations between male and female. There was definitely some of that here, but I put up with it in order to see how the wives handled their husbands' transitions. After all, my wife and I just celebrated our 46th anniversary last month, and I'm still in awe of my wife for sticking with me through all of this - even if our relationship has changed significantly as a result of it. I can't say that my transition and relationship fit into any of the experiences these couples demonstrated, but my wife would probably relate to every concern these wives had. I say "would probably" because she has no interest in seeing this show.

The one thing that I liked was that the producers brought out the fact that a transgender person's transition is not hers/his alone, but requires transitioning by everyone else concerned. I have been very mindful of that reality throughout my own transition, and that may be the reason I'm still married. Still, as I have said since day one of our marriage (throughout the many years of my repression and beyond) that my wife deserves most all of the credit for its success. Musicians don't always make the best partners, anyway, but throw in the gender identity thing and........

I found it hard to understand how these trans women could be all-in on the hormones and surgeries before even taking the rudimentary step toward social transition. Whatever happened to the rule of living authentically for a year beforehand? I think it's a wise thing to do, even if it's not a requirement. If you are not able to accept your feminine-self, or can't cope with presenting yourself to the world without a professional makeover, then your chances of being happy with yourself are greatly reduced.

Of course, I think I've been successful with my transition because I've done it the right way! Then, I think again and realize that no two transitions are the same - nor are any two trans women. You won't see my wife and I on this show, if it is extended, however."

Thanks! Congratulations on your Anniversary. :)

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Extensions

Looking back at the television show on TLC, "Lost in Transition,"  I think enough time has passed not to have to issue a "spoiler alert."

I think the producers did a fairly decent job of tying up many of the loose ends which occur when long term couples split up from transgender issues...or don't. Two couples on the show were very much on the relationship ropes and two weren't.

What was nice was all of the trans women managed make-overs somehow and appeared presentable. Especially the one from rural Washington State who was going to attempt to move her family to Wisconsin to look for a suitable job.

Of particular interest to me through out the entire series was the couple from California. Not only did the wife have many of the similar ideas of going into a transgender relationship that my deceased wife had, they even shared the same name. The back and forth between the couple continued full force until the end. I think once both of them saw the trans woman after a quality makeover, they knew they could never go back.

It was like another of the transgender women said, "I finally saw my true self in the mirror."

Then, there was the "go to hell" breakup with the couple from Ohio. Which could have been the most truthful of the four.

All in all, I think the producers of the show tried and succeeded in covering quite a bit of complicated ground in a short period of time.

Maybe the show will be "extended" into next season.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Acceptance?

I have a fairly new acquaintance who considers herself transgender.

In one sentence she is bemoaning her voice, or her looks. In the next, she is validating her femininity by the number of "straight" guys she dates. She seems to be a bit confused when I tell her the "straight" term is a bit murky.

I haven't old her yet my theory, dating men is fine but you haven't even began to make it in the world as a transgender woman, until you receive/earn acceptance from cis-women. In doing so, you begin to understand what it is really like to live. Women are much harder to gain real acceptance from than men in my world.

Why? Because men normally run from me and women interact. I have to be a more complex person to operate on their gender level. Men operate on very basic "power" levels, while women can outwardly really seem to accept you, until you do something wrong (like use the restroom) and the knife comes out.

Plus, as we all know, as transgender or even cross dressers, we have male admirers. Nothing wrong with any of that, but a problem lots of these guys have is coming to grasps with their own sexuality. It is their problem-not ours but we inherit it.

And, oh yes, I have told my acquaintance to be careful.

One never knows how easy to get the tables turned on you, until it happens to you. (As it has to me.) Unfortunately, it seems to be part of the feminization process. If anyone likes it, or not.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

What to Wear?

When in doubt on what to write, which happens quite a bit when you write a daily blog, my mind normally turns to what I am going to wear.

As I think "back to the day", I remember Liz asking me what kind of woman I would become. Meaning, would I be more of a "girly-girl" needing makeup to even go out the door. Or, more of a "tom-boy"

Moving forward to today, I am a little of both. Even though I hesitate about not wearing makeup on my daily walk, I normally don't see anyone anyhow, so it is OK. Of course, anytime we are going out and will see the public, I always try to look my best...with makeup. Many times it doesn't matter on  these hot summer days, when makeup seems to disappear as fast as I put it on. Thank goodness for my smoother HRT induced skin!

Then, there are the clothes I wear. During the summer, I have several "softy" tank tops I wear around the house with an old pair of culottes. I have enough breast growth to tell but not enough to appear overly promiscuous. After all, we have a 20 year old man/boy running around here.

When I go out, I am still fond of my jeans and jeggings but seemingly am moving the bar upward with more feminine tops and my maxi dress. I also have have an embroidered long black skirt I plan on wearing to a picnic we are going to in early August along with the black and cream tank top I wore to Pride this year.

Over all, I guess I am starting to move the bar higher in the girly-girl department and out of the tom-boy scene.

It feels fun!

Monday, July 16, 2018

Monday, Monday

Not much interesting happening for me today. Tonight one of the cross dresser- transgender support groups I belong to is having a meeting discussing attempting to secure insurance as a transgender person. Since I am a trans vet and have all my health care through the Veteran's Administration, I have no need to go to the meeting.

Tomorrow could be be interesting because my other LGBTQ support group meets. One never knows what sort of interesting cast of characters could be attending.

I will let you know what happens.

I found this old picture I thought I would pass along. I didn't know ii even existed. It includes two of my oldest friends who accepted me...as me and helped me in my MTF gender transition more than I could ever say.

The woman on the right is the one we visited for the Fourth of July party.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Birthday Party

Last night was my youngest grandson's birthday party, which at his age (sixth grade) mattered to everyone else more than him.

We all met at an upscale Japanese Steak House for dinner, then went to the nearby in laws for after dinner relaxation and chats.

I wore the pre-mentioned maxi dress and was very comfortable all night long in my black flats. It's nice when I am not subjected to stupid stares. I wasn't.

More importantly though, I felt comfortable with the other attendees. As I have mentioned often here in Cyrsti's Condo, the side of the family who came last night is totally comfortable with a transgender member of the family.

I can't say enough, how much I appreciate them!

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Female vs Woman

In all the posts recently when we have "skirted" the issue on compliments from all people including cross dressers, transgender women and even cis women.

Along the way, it occurred to me, I had forgotten one of the oldest concepts I used to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo. The fact being born female does not make you a woman. The same as being born male does not make you a man. Both are socialized positions, so to speak.
Class? All Low?

Unfortunately, as trans women and/or cross dressers, some of our most strenuous ridicule comes from females...not women.

I always figure they think they are superior to us because they were born with a vagina. Most likely though, they are a little jealous when we happen to outdo them in the looks department.

It is also one of the reasons we have to make our look appear effortless. Which any woman will tell you takes a lot of work.

I just figured it was important again to make sure we all know the difference between a female and a woman. There is a huge divide.

Friday, July 13, 2018

Party Animal?

All of a sudden, weekends are the place to be for Liz and I. In fact, this Saturday, we had to turn down one event with friends to go to a family birthday party. The family that accepts me totally. One part doesn't. Naturally, the friends do too. I am so fortunate.

As luck would (or wouldn't) have it, Saturday is supposed to return to heat in the mid nineties...the bad news. The good news is, the birthday party is going to be held at another upscale food venue, perfect again for my "maxi-dress." 

No one there will have seen me since I got my hair done, lost a bit of weight or have seen me in the dress in person. So I am looking forward to the get together.

Then on Sunday we have another Witches Ball Meeting to go to. It is not till October but it is now only one hundred days away. So there is planning to do.

I am not sure what I will do when all this social activity begins to subside. I guess, go back to being bored! Except Liz and I have already decided to take a couple days off in August to take another mini-vacation.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

You Look Great!

Just what everyone wants to hear, right? Especially after seemingly spending hours finding the perfect dress and then adding the perfect makeup to go with it. Plus, how about the extra ten pounds you have just dieted away to make the "perfect dress" look even better. It turns out though, even compliments seem to be gender directed on occasions.

With a similar take on compliments, let's check in with Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 11, 2018 at 12:55 PM
"How about the fact that trans women are often apt to be comparing their own "feminine look" to other trans women's, and some may be just plain jealous. Of course, there are the cross dressers who post pics of themselves endlessly, and most of them are, at least informally, members of a mutual admiration society. This goes toward your recent post about how some cross dressers think transitioning women to be bitches, so why would they bother to give you a compliment? They would think that a bitchy, HRT-sucking trans woman would not offer them one in return?

When I lived outwardly as a man, I would almost always compliment women on a new hairdo. I found that they appreciated hearing it from a man, even if it was the woman in me who was expressing herself - unbeknownst to them, of course.

I remember that my mother was often fishing for a compliment from me when I was young. I'm sure she did so because my father had died when I was very young, and she just needed to receive that attention at home. It did not seem natural for me, as her son, to be handing out compliments to her freely, so it was awkward when she was making it clear that she was hoping for one. The girl in me was quite willing, and I always took note of her style from that perspective. But, then, I expended a lot of energy trying to cover that up. When my mom was attending an etiquette and modeling school, she would always show me what she had learned in class each week. I was very attentive, but made sure that I didn't show my enthusiasm. Just as I learned makeup skills by pretending to need to talk with her, as I stood in the doorway to her bathroom while she was getting herself ready, I learned early-on how to make myself feminine through my mother. If only I had given her the chance to see what she had taught me; the way I turned out might have been the biggest compliment I could have given to her.
I would add that being gracious in accepting a compliment can be just as important as giving one - and often harder to do. "

Great points as always! Thanks for sharing.


Vocalizing?

Recently, we received a couple comments to a Cyrsti's Condo post called "Voice Police" which I have been meaning to pass along and just couldn't find the time (sorry!)

Here they are:

  1. "Cyrsti -

    I found that one of the local colleges near where I live helps Trans folk learn to speak in the Androgynous vocal range with appropriate speech mannerisms. Maybe something like this can be found where you live. Hearing and Speech labs in many colleges like to use TGs as their guinea pigs in exchange for low cost therapy.

    In the NYC area where I live, each session from one professional costs $150. At the local college, the same basic therapy (under the supervision of a board certified supervisor) costs $60. Yes, it may not be as good as the $150 sessions, but you get 80-90% of what you're looking for for about 40% of the cost.

    M"
  2. "You may find that after you find your female voice, it will be hard to use the vocal patterns that youve been using for years."
  3. Marian, thanks for the reminder! I have heard the educational voice connection idea a couple times. Since I can go through the Veteran's Administration for free, I forget on occasion to mention other options!
  4. Michelle, I can't wait for that to happen! :)

Too Much Information?

My transgender - cross dresser support group meeting the other night, turned out to be less than exciting.

We had two new attendees, who, unlike most new people in a group weren't shy about letting us all in on their life stories. I guess I am the bitch in this situation, because I am fairly sure the so called moderators of the group should have called time out on both of them. Then again, one of the moderators should call time out on herself after telling the same stories every two weeks.

She is fond of telling everyone of her new found success in the world as a woman, which is fine, except for two people in the group who have been fired from their jobs for being trans in the last year.

I did get to see the person known as the "ultimate cross dresser" in guy dress and he is right that he is very gender fluid.

I suppose too, the people who talk the most, don't normally have anyone to talk to. I am fortunate to have a partner who encourages me to talk when I get quiet.

So, I should be more understanding and I am working on it.

Maybe, just maybe, the moderators could bring an egg timer, to pass along a gentle hint when another abusive father story goes a little long?

And oh...by the way, I can get very agitated when someone calls me a "gurl." I just don't want to know what that means.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Therapist Revisited

Often, my therapist visits are mainly very vanilla in nature, with the occasional "aha" moment sneaking in.

We had one of those yesterday when I brought up the relative lack of response to me getting about half my hair cut off. I wondered why out loud and she brought up a couple points.

First and foremost, she said maybe it's because men normally don't mention, or notice things like hair on women. So, perhaps these cross dressers or transgender women haven't advanced that far into womanhood. I am sure you have noticed it is a far different world than the male one. When dealing with another woman, any sort of compliment is a nice way to open communication on a good level.

She also said, to be fair, many novice cross dressers and/or trans woman are still too wrapped up in how they look to notice others. Naturally they suffer from extreme insecurities.

One way or another, I left with a better understanding of the gender world.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Maxi Dress?

Connie wrote in to Cyrsti's Condo to comment on a recent blog post which included a picture of me in my new "maxi dress'" Included in the post was my reference to a self proclaimed cross dresser who made a point of saying all transgender women on hormones were "bitches." Even though, the comment could have included me (I have been on HRT for years), I kept my mouth shut and listened to all the petty gossip. I guess if you don't have anything good to say...go ahead and say it anyway!

At any rate, here is what Connie had to say:


"Well, I'm not on HRT, but I can still be a bitch sometimes. Right now, though, I'm in a pretty good mood, and I just have to compliment you on your dress. You look great! There's nothing so cool(ing) to wear on a hot day or evening as a long, sleeveless dress or maxi. The air conditioning is built-in. :-) I've often wondered, when you've described your outfits for different summer occasions, why you weren't wearing a long dress, instead. Jeggings or leggings always sound so hot (or not so hot) a choice when the temperature gets high.

Having hung out, in the past, with a cross dresser group, I can attest to the bias many of them have on female presentation. I think it's because they relish the dichotomy of living two distinct lives, as far as their gender is concerned. Most of us have gone through the overcompensation at some point. For one to think there is no other way to be, though, and then to voice that opinion, is pretty much the definition of "bitch" in itself. On the other hand, I have also attended trans functions with mostly "HRT transitioners" who made me feel uncomfortable for being too "dressed up." I've even been told that I can't be truly transitioning just because I wear wigs - when, if I didn't wear them, I feel I would look pretty ridiculous with my male-pattern baldness showing itself! But, if someone else with the same condition didn't care how she looked, I surely wouldn't say anything about their presentation - although, I'd be thinking it. :-)"

Great point on the dress and thanks for the compliment! I truly didn't think it would look that good on me and yes it is much cooler and comfortable than the "jeggings." Since I wasn't wearing much of anything at all under it, I was able to feel all the sensuality of the dress.  All in all, I felt like I deserved the feelings because of all the work I have been through to get here.
If I can find another dress similar to it, I am sure I will wear one again! I just don't want to wear the same one for the same people.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Travel Days?

Well, today really isn't. Tonight is another support group meeting and.if I happen to get there in one piece without hitting a curb or worse, I won't be traveling far today. Before the last transgender - cross dresser meeting I went to. I was so busy trying to navigate a turn off a very busy street, I hit a curb so hard, I blew a tire. Which meant yet another get together with a tow truck driver. As it turned out again, my fears were unfounded, because he treated me with respect and got me on my way, without incident. Plus, there is some sort of poetic justice in just standing there and having a guy take care of things.

Tonight I plan on not hitting the curb and making my way into my fave coffee shop for some sort of cooling coffee blend. Not in my diet but tasty none the less!

Tomorrow is the real travel day. It's time again to make the three hour round trip to see my long time therapist up north at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration campus. Hopefully, she will be glad to hear my referral for voice therapy has gone through for July 18th. Since she was instrumental in setting it up.

Plus I have sold an item in one of my Etsy shoppes, so it will take me an hour or two or so, to find a box and get the proper documentation together to get it shipped.

Should be a busy couple of days!

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Out and About?

For some reason, Liz and I had Friday and Saturday night invitations this week.

Friday, we went to the usual karaoke we attend once a month. We even stayed way past our bedtime, all the way till midnight.

The longer we stayed, the worse the music got with people thinking they were drunk enough to sing. Fortunately for everyone, I was not among them.

Saturday, we finally collapsed to the pressure of a self professed proud NOT to be on hormones cross dresser who comes every time to karaoke. She always seems to be unnecessarily edgy and I always wondered why. It turns out she thinks all of us on HRT are just bitches. It could expelling why she/he is always nicer to Liz than I. However, I just don't play their little stupid high school girl games they play.

At any rate, she/he was always on our back to wear "something nice" to the restaurant we went to. So, I thought it was time to break out a first...a long flowing, slinky dress. I loved it! It was perfect for a nice summer Ohio evening.

Kind of hurt my feelings, she/he didn't even mention my dress or my new hair cut. But then again, I am one of those evil transgender bitches on hormones.

Better luck next time. 

Friday, July 6, 2018

Voice Police

Yesterday, the "voice police" called. Yes, I finally set up an appointment with the speech department at my veterans administration hospital.

After setting up the visit, I immediately thought, what did I just do? You see, my voice is very horse most of the time, so I hope there is nothing majorly wrong which would require surgery.

One way or another, it's time to hitch up my big girl panties on the 18th and get it looked at.

Of course my end game is having a more feminine voice and I am willing to put whatever work needed to insure it happens. My major issue now is keeping my voice in what I consider a feminine mode all the time.

I have set my first goal. It is to try to not get mis gendered on the phone.

It would be a huge success!

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Where to go From Here

Independence Day has now come and gone, so now we have a fairly long stretch of summer coming up with very little happening. Plus, this run of brutal heat is continuing for at least another day before we have a respite this weekend.

Next week though, I have a transgender-crossdresser meeting on Monday, which should be fun because one of the trans moderators just got engaged this weekend. Then on Tuesday, I make the journey North to see my therapist at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration campus. 

As far as summer fashion goes, I am pretty well set, so I should start looking ahead to the fall and it's new fashion trends. Perhaps I can find a deal or two on the racks where I shop.

Also, Liz and I want to take another "mini" vacation sometime in August. Most likely, back up to Columbus, Ohio. We might want to work it in before The Ohio State University gets back for it's fall session towards the end of the month. (August)

It's tough to wish time away at my age, so this time I will call it...advanced planning!

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Fourth of July

I wish I could write a flowery post about what the Fourth of July, or Independence Day should mean to all of us Americans.

I am proud to have a distant relative who fought in the Revolutionary War. I often wonder what he would think of all the contortions our country is going through now.

Under the guise of "fake news" and a worn out amendment, special interests and crooked politicos have managed to take over our country. Over the years too, we have managed to neglect our educational institutions so much, it has "dumbed" down our country so far, that in breeding seems like a real possibility in some groups.

For some reason, I still know a few transgender people who support a president hell bent on taking away what rights they still have. Plus, just wait, as soon as the leader appoints another conservative to the Supreme Court, and LGBT rights come under fire, just wait and see how fast the gays and lesbians come looking for our trans support again.

I also don't know what to say about all the mass shootings which take place, almost all at the hands of white males. Even still, we blame immigrants for the violence. As we consider immigration too, who would have ever thought our country would be the one caging children. Just consider for a moment what the desperate people looking for asylum on our borders were running from.

It seems our country has taken it's lead from a leader who has no compassion or morals and is under indictment at the highest levels.

This Independence Day, it's time to seriously consider what we have to do to reclaim what made the US the country it was. And, not the one known for slavery and genocide of it's native citizens.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Party Number Two

We awoke fairly early to eat at the free hotel breakfast service before heading back to our room for a couple of hours before we set off in the 90 degree (F) heat. For once, the eggs weren't green and rubbery and the sausage was fresh...unless I was really hungry.

Departure time was twelve noon and we had about four and a half hours to kill before the evening picnic/party. First of all I decided to make the thirty mile round trip to Springfield to check on the property I still own. From there we headed back to the Dayton, Ohio area and had an early lunch at one of the first places I went as a cross dresser and was the place I decided I was transgender. It was there I decided to go on HRT and start my Mtf gender transition. I was wearing my "stars and stripes" top and was feeling pretty secure about myself following the real good day, the day before. Our server was busy, so she didn't seem to know or care about me one way or another. Except I was paying.

From there, we went to one of my least favorite places, a mall. This particular mall brought back quite a few bad memories from my cross dressing past and my back was starting to bother me. My partner Liz though was able to find some elaborate hair tie backs in a store which even had a transgender themed t-shirt. They also had a very androgynous employee who was very friendly. We wasted some time in the food court to let my back recover and it was time to head back out into the heat which was made worse by a passing thunderstorm.

The next stop was back into the cool of a big grocery store to pick up supplies for the party and then try to fix our makeup before we headed out.

Finally, we made it to the party and received a warm greeting from all who were there. It was raining again, so we had to hang out inside until it stopped. When it did, it turned out to be a pleasant evening.

I had a very good time and was only mis-gendered once.

From there, we made the hour and a half trip back to Cincinnati and the party weekend was over.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Party Number One

The first party we went to this weekend turned out to be a fantastic affair. We were able to get an early enough start to stop off at one of the "New Age" shops in Yellow Springs we like so much. Little did I know, it was also Pride Day in the village, so there were plenty of LGBT Pride flags to go around. Plus, while we were at the shop, we were able to drop off brochures for the Cincinnati Witches Ball in October.

I bought a pair of "peace symbol" earrings in the shop and had an affirming chat with her. No one else even gave me a glance except one woman who smiled. As we had discussed in depth here in Cyrsti's Condo, it is not unusual for women to smile at each other, so I don't know if the transgender dynamic had anything to do with it or not.

Saturday was one of those days when I felt very secure of myself, even with the temperatures hovering into the nineties. Confidence is always the best accessory!

From the village, we headed about ten miles up the road and checked into our hotel room, which had a great air conditioner. Party time was later in the day, so we had a chance to relax before we fixed up our make up and headed out. I wore the black and cream embroidered tank top I wore to Cincinnati Pride with a pair of Jeggings for comfort.

Seeing my old friends at the party was fun! We haven't seen each other for about three years. Everyone else in the group were very accepting too and no one mis gendered me. At least internally I was able to drop the transgender part of me and just be me.

All too quickly, they lit off their fireworks and it was time to make the journey back in town to our hotel room.

It was a remarkable day!

Sunday, July 1, 2018

On the Transgender Road

Very simply today, I will be on the road and unable to write a blog post.

When I get back, I will let you know how everything went.