Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Therapist Revisited

Often, my therapist visits are mainly very vanilla in nature, with the occasional "aha" moment sneaking in.

We had one of those yesterday when I brought up the relative lack of response to me getting about half my hair cut off. I wondered why out loud and she brought up a couple points.

First and foremost, she said maybe it's because men normally don't mention, or notice things like hair on women. So, perhaps these cross dressers or transgender women haven't advanced that far into womanhood. I am sure you have noticed it is a far different world than the male one. When dealing with another woman, any sort of compliment is a nice way to open communication on a good level.

She also said, to be fair, many novice cross dressers and/or trans woman are still too wrapped up in how they look to notice others. Naturally they suffer from extreme insecurities.

One way or another, I left with a better understanding of the gender world.

1 comment:

  1. How about the fact that trans women are often apt to be comparing their own "feminine look" to other trans women's, and some may be just plain jealous. Of course, there are the cross dressers who post pics of themselves endlessly, and most of them are, at least informally, members of a mutual admiration society. This goes toward your recent post about how some cross dressers think transitioning women to be bitches, so why would they bother to give you a compliment? They would think that a bitchy, HRT-sucking trans woman would not offer them one in return?

    When I lived outwardly as a man, I would almost always compliment women on a new hairdo. I found that they appreciated hearing it from a man, even if it was the woman in me who was expressing herself - unbeknownst to them, of course.

    I remember that my mother was often fishing for a compliment from me when I was young. I'm sure she did so because my father had died when I was very young, and she just needed to receive that attention at home. It did not seem natural for me, as her son, to be handing out compliments to her freely, so it was awkward when she was making it clear that she was hoping for one. The girl in me was quite willing, and I always took note of her style from that perspective. But, then, I expended a lot of energy trying to cover that up. When my mom was attending an etiquette and modeling school, she would always show me what she had learned in class each week. I was very attentive, but made sure that I didn't show my enthusiasm. Just as I learned makeup skills by pretending to need to talk with her, as I stood in the doorway to her bathroom while she was getting herself ready, I learned early-on how to make myself feminine through my mother. If only I had given her the chance to see what she had taught me; the way I turned out might have been the biggest compliment I could have given to her.

    I would add that being gracious in accepting a compliment can be just as important as giving one - and often harder to do.