Trauma

I read a post today from one of my Facebook contacts I know in person. Plus, she also spent time in my hometown where she went to college.

It seems, she went back to re-live the "good old days" on the college campus, instead all she got was a sense of deep trauma. She couldn't figure it out because she was discussing the days before she transitioned into the transgender woman she is today.

Of course I got to thinking of why the town brings me so much trauma too. In my case it has to do with several factors. The most major of course, had to do with all the loss of life which happened around me.  From parents, to spouse, to close friends, I lost them all there. Then there were the two businesses I lost in the city I'm from. And, finally, there are the two properties I still own there I am trying to get rid of.

In fact, I don't have to go there to suffer the trauma, I feel it right now. I have my own little trick to get rid of the stress by using a phantom eraser in my mind. With my meditation it works fairly well...most of the time.

The trauma which I suffer which still baffles me is when I go for a night out. Literally, it has been over five years ago since I have received a very negative comment. Outside of the occasional mis-gendering, I just don't have many problems. So why the trauma? I consider it a form of PTSD which most likely will be with me forever.

Might as well learn to live with it. Such is a transgender life.