Friday, January 31, 2020

Ganga

From the "Times of India.":

"Ganga has become a household name now; thanks to her popular reality show ‘Yuva Dancing Queen’. She is co-hosting the show with Adwait Dadarkar. The transgender host commands respect with her sheer talent and hard work. In her recent interaction with media, Ganga shared how special dance and the dance show is for her.


Talking about her passion for dance, Ganga said, “Dance is important for me. I have got an identity because of dance. No one knew anything about Pranit (as she was earlier known as) except for the dancing talent. I got the opportunity to introduce myself as a dancer.”

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Thanks for the Input

I am on several other blogging and social media platforms with my Cyrsti's Condo Blog. In fact, I have several great friends who follow posts on Facebook. A couple of these friends I was fortunate to meet in person, years ago. Recently one of them, Jen sent me this comment concerning our journey as transgender women and men:

"Im sure it's a journey that isn't a bed of roses. I'm sure most people don't understand so much especially about this subject. I think its important to have light on this and along with many other struggles people face. I have no doubt that the victories are won when its realized how strong one has become through the struggles, pain and finally becoming the living story that says you can do anything you set your mind to and love yourself and be who you are even when no one else doesn't accept you. 

Many like to turn their noses or point the finger while all along, they have their own skeletons and struggles they hide and hate on others. I applaud you, I applaud the one suffering silently, the one that suffers publicly and the one who takes that first step and the many others that you yourself and the others that you have shared about.the struggles and victories are a testimony and inspire me. Thank you."...  Thank you Jen! You inspire me!

On another subject, Connie wrote in on the "Rude Paul" post commenting on my speculation that Paul was yet another old, cis gender male rump supporter:

"Well, I'm sure that Trump is a Paul supporter. Not that he supports his lifestyle, necessarily, but he seems to hold admiration for anyone who can turn a buck by using their "personality" to garner favor from the public. Even if it is more like the appeal of a train wreck, playing to the fools who would be attracted to whatever they are selling is Trump's MO. Of course, it's not so much the product, but the self-branding that is important to their successes. B.T. Barnum depended on the "sucker born every minute," and knew that he could still sell circus tickets to the very people he publicly deemed to be suckers. Trump and Paul are no different, except that they have the ability to use modern technology to draw many more people into their circuses."

Imagine rump watching drag race at the White House and trying to figure out how he can rip off more votes by watching it?

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Jazz Jennings

Recently,  young trans activist Jazz Jennings and family began season six of her transgender journey television show "I am Jazz." If you are not familiar, over the years, the show has traced Jazz from being a young trans girl to present day. All the way through gender corrective surgery. Unfortunately, all didn't go as planned after the major operation and the premier show on "The Learning Channel" covers it. Here's an excerpt from "Women's Health.":

"Season six of TLC’s I Am Jazz starts out in a familiar place: LGBTQ+ activist Jazz Jennings and her family are preparing for a life-changing surgery.
This will be the third in Jazz’s gender confirmation journey, and, while everyone is hoping this will be the last, the serious complications that Jazz experienced after her first surgery are at the front of everyone’s minds as Jazz and her doctors walk back to the operating theater in Tuesday’s premiere on TLC.
“I’m hoping for a noneventful, positive surgery, where Jazz comes out, and the doctors say everything went exactly as planned, and they don’t have any ‘buts’ along the way,” her dad, Greg, says as he, her mom, Jeanette, and brother Sander wait for updates on the procedure.
“And Jazz lives happily ever after,” Jeannette is quick to add.
The outspoken 19-year-old is the star of I Am Jazz, but her supportive and loving family also deserve some of the credit for giving the show so much heart. This week’s episode opens with a Jennings celebration fit for a season premiere—a beachside 21st birthday party for twin brothers Sander and Griffen."
For more, follow the link above.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Rude Paul

If you haven't heard, "Rude Paul", Mr. transphobe himself is going to host one of my favorite shows, Saturday Night Live.

This comes from The Advocate website:

"RuPaul's Drag Race unveiled its new crop of contestants for season 12 last week. And once again, the cast is composed entirely of cisgender men.
Transgender inclusion has long been a point of controversy for the VHI reality series. While several notable transgender contestants emerged from the Drag Race universe — among them, Carmen Carrera, Jiggly Caliente, Sonique, and Monica Beverly Hillz — only Peppermint was an out trans contestant, on season 9. Gia Gunn also competed on All Stars 4 after coming out but noted in a follow-up interview that she felt "completely disregarded" by RuPaul and the show during the experience."
Detox, Carmen Carerra and Aja

Ironically, on Facebook recently I became embroiled in a heated conversation with a big fan of the privileged "Rude" one who positively makes me sick anytime I see him. 
Then again, I am seeing an uptick of rump supporters too lately which I am busily blocking. For some reason, I have been running into a number of old cross dressers who really don't care rump and his minions are busily trying to erase us as LGBTQ citizens. 
It wouldn't surprise me if Rude doesn't support him too. 
To be sure, I won't be watching the Saturday Night Live he is on. 

Monday, January 27, 2020

It's Nice to be Wanted

I missed posting yesterday in the Cyrsti's Condo blog because I was traveling north to my oldest grandson's birthday party.

It usually is a positive experience as most all the parties are held at my daughter's in laws in Dayton,Ohio. where I am fortunate to be accepted for who I have become.

I was lucky yesterday when my daughter texted me and reminded me of the address again where I was going. I for some reason had forgotten and thought the party was next weekend. I barely had enough time to get ready, stop for gas, pick up a card and go to the bank machine to withdraw a cash gift for my grandson.

The problem was, the place I was going was an hour away. Somehow I was able to do a fairly respectful job on makeup and hurriedly put together an outfit of leggings, sweater and boots.

One of these days I am trying to remind myself to thank the whole family for accepting me. They seem to take it for granted but it means so much to me.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Are You Man Enough?


These days, when I write, I am dividing my time between the Cyrsti's Condo blog and the book I am trying to put together. In my mind it is much easier to write a blog post because it fits my short attention span.  As I work on a book chapter, I have to go more in depth. 

Here is an example for a chapter I am working on which revolves around leaving your male closet and finding your life as a transgender woman:

In many ways, it seems those days of rummaging through my meager wardrobe of girl’s clothes and make up were just yesterday. Then again, taking my precious time to admire myself in the mirror seems so long ago. The impossible dream was to try and get out of my restricting closet and try to live a feminine life. Along the way I had so many misconceptions of what that life would be like, it seemed I was hitting wall after wall. The only thing I do know is I went from hiding behind my skirts when the world threatened me all the way to becoming an out and proud transgender woman. Let’s go back now to how you change closets and why.


The “why” is simple. If you don’t feel the need deep down inside to change your gender, don’t do it. Because really you are not changing anything. You are connecting the dots back to the person you have always been deep down inside. Perhaps, this idea is the hardest to explain to an outsider trying to understand being transgender is not a choice for us. We are simply trying desperately to live the life we were always destined to live. Unfortunately, most of us are subjected to what is referred to as “testosterone poisoning” The time starting at puberty when we begin to develop the male characteristics which will come back to haunt our attempts to externally transition later in life. Very few of us are lucky enough to physically transition seamlessly into the feminine gender. For the rest of us, it is a real struggle.  Once you decide it is time to change closets, the problem arises on how you are going to tell friends and family.

There is no easy way telling others. Some decide to slowly tell family and friends while others decide to quickly pull the band-aid off and tell many people quickly. Younger trans people have their entire lives to try to carve out a niche where they can find employment and hopefully someone to have a relationship with. Older trans people have the opposite problem with primarily telling a lifetime spouse and family. Naturally, many spouses feel as if they have been deceived. They married a man, not a woman. It leads to heartbreaking dramas on both sides. In my case, my wife of twenty-five years accepted my need to be a cross dresser but never my need to be transgender and more of a woman. We had massive disagreements. Looking back on it, she was right when she told me to be “man enough to be a woman.” In gender disagreements each side essentially is right and it makes the whole situation very difficult to navigate. There is no easy answer. I certainly am not wise enough to suggest one.

I have such a long way to go!




Candis Cayne

Candis Cayne was born August 29, 1971 and is an American actress and performance artist.
Cayne performed in New York City nightclubs in drag since the 1990s, and came out as transgender in 1996; Cayne came to national attention in 2007 for portraying transgender mistress Carmelita on ABC's prime time drama Dirty Sexy Money. The role makes Cayne the first transgender actress to play a recurring transgender character in primetime.

Friday, January 24, 2020

Jin Xing

From the Thomson Rueters Foundation News:

"China's best known transgender celebrity says she never aspired to be an LGBT+ activist but now Jin Xing has an eye on politics, saying she has the power and presence to help society.

Jin admits her journey from teenaged soldier to ballerina to one of China's top TV hosts has been extraordinary, as has her widespread acceptance as a trans woman in conservative China.
Next stop: the political stage in one-party communist China.
"If you have the power and the guts and will and thinking to do something for society, why not? My talk show already had a political impact," she told the Thomson Reuters Foundation in an interview on Wednesday at the World Economic Forum (WEF) in Davos, a ski resort hosting some 3,000 of the global elite."
Follow the link above for more.

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Transgender Lesson Learned

As I go back through the ideas I have compiled for another book, I find myself living too far in the past.

My noggin tends to remember the good times and forget the bad ones. For instance, there was the rime I went to an urban downtown festival in Dayton, Ohio. I searched and found a post about it years ago here in the Cyrsti's Condo blog. It has always been interesting to me how in depth I went into what I wore. I mentioned the silky tank top I tried along with my favorite pair of distressed jeans. I even wrote about showing off "the girls" which back in those days were silicone breast forms. Not that there is anything wrong with that!

What I didn't get into was how lonely I felt. Even though I made sure I went out to my favorite venues afterwards, I remember the distinct feeling of being envious concerning all the couples I saw. During this time period I was still a year or so away from finding others I could socialize with. The lesson I learned was to keep trying and try to stay public hoping someone would find me...as they eventually did.

It was tough to keep looking forward and not back at my numerous failures. Especially the guys I met on line who "couldn't wait" to meet me. Then stood me up.

Ironically, I learned the looking forward lesson when I was in the Army. In the final weeks of basic training we were on a very long forced march in the winter hills of Ft. Knox, Kentucky. I remember distinctly having a brief moment of feeling sorry for myself as I looked up the rather intimidating hill we were on. It lasted until I happened to look back and see how far we had come. From that point forward in the life, I tried to remember that lesson.

I can't tell you how many times I applied the lesson to my Mtf gender transition. Little did the Army know they were helping me learn a valuable transgender lesson. Never despair where you are. Just look at how far you have come!

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Trace Lysette

An Ohio native and mother of the ballroom scene's renowned house of Mizrahi, Trace Lysette is rising from her Midwestern background and career in the underground into a household name. Lysette appeared in Law & Order: Special Crimes Unit in 2013, but her star truly rose as Shea on Amazon’s Transparent. What was meant to be a guest appearance grew into a recurring guest role, thanks in no small part to Lysette’s undeniable talent on-screen.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Summer Time Dreams

As I said yesterday in my Cyrsti's Condo post, the drab and dreary days of January and February bring back memories of summers gone by.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Honoring Martin Luther King Jr.

More than ever, we need his messages to resound with us.

Colder Than?

It's downright cold here in Southwestern Ohio. Yesterday and today, wind chill temperatures went down as low as the single digits (Fahrenheit).

Of course, as luck would have it, Liz and I had plenty of errands to run yesterday. Getting bundled up for the adventure reminded me of Ralphie's younger brother in the holiday classic movie "A Christmas Story." If you are not aware, his mother dressed him so warmly, he looked like the "Michelin Man."

For the weather and cold, I pulled out my heavy duty tan and brown 3/4 length fringed sweater coat and added a warm hand knitted cowl to keep my neck warm. Liz's son referred to me as a character from "Game of Thrones." No matter, I figured it was a popular series and I just wanted to stay warm.

We needed to make three stops yesterday. The places we shopped were for food and medications so there was no lingering over any fashion needs. By this point in the season anyhow, I'm starting to reassess my Spring wardrobe. I did buy refills on my daily moisturizer, skin deep cleaning wipes and foundation.

For some reason, my gender confidence level was at a recent all time high. You might say I was out and proud. Of course it's so very rare anymore I get any negative reactions, I don't expect anything else. So the afternoon of errands was over fairly quickly and we made it home to warm up with a big bowl of Liz's home made chili.

A good cold day, ended up a warm cozy one.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

To Be or Not to Be

Don't worry, this post won't be influenced by Shakespeare and you are not back in high school literature class. In this case, the popular phrase involves coming out as stealth.

Wait? Can you come out as stealth? Isn't that a "Catch 22?" It is but it isn't.

When and if you are in the position to live "stealth" as a transgender woman, should you do it? Remember "back in the day" stealth was the only way to go once you had gone through genital realignment surgery. You were expected to move away and start your life all over again. In many ways, the whole process ignored the basic premise that sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears. I am a prime example. While it is true I have been living full time as a woman for years now, I have no desire to have any invasive surgery.

Now I find myself again  at the crossroads of going stealth...or not. It would actually be a fairly easy decision. The cross dresser - transgender support group I am loosely involved with is increasingly imploding. As a result of a high drama split up, we now have two similar but separate groups. The most recent example of the in fighting was the Thursday night social Liz and I went to. Before the split up we could expect approximately twelve to fifteen diverse individuals. Since the other group decided to have a social the same night, they had ten attendees while we had seven.

So now I am encountering the same small group of people I actually have very little in common with. The only reason I started going was because of the chance to meet new and interesting people. Thursday night the most interesting person I met was a cis woman who was entranced with me enough to smile and say hello. Any number of factors could have been in play. Probably she knew I was trans and her and her feminine friend approved. Or they could have been lesbians too and saw Liz and I holding hands. Then again, maybe she was just laughing at me. Which didn't seem to be the case.

The main force behind me not just saying to hell with it all, is my underlying desire to help anyone who needs it who may find themselves on the same path as me. Plus now I need to see how my upcoming meeting concerning LGBTQ aging issues goes.

If the past is any indication, I probably will continue to not to be...stealth.

Friday, January 17, 2020

A Life with Therapy

Out of the clear blue sky, I was contacted the other day by a person in Dayton, Ohio who wanted me to be involved in some way with their LGBTQ elderly health initiative. On the negative side, the trip from Cincinnati is nearly an hour and a half (one way) but on the positive side, I could do it on the days I see my therapist in Dayton which I am done with at 11 in the morning. Which would give me plenty of time to have a meeting over coffee. It will be interesting what if anything comes of it.

Now, back to my therapist. As I was writing a chapter in my book about therapy, I began to think of all the therapists I have had in my life.

Interestingly, it was the first real gender therapist I went to who diagnosed me as being bi-polar. She correctly told me the bi-polar disorder could be controlled with medication but the gender issue I was suffering from couldn't. Somehow I would have to come to grips with it and do the best I could.

Unlike the two therapists who came before her, she tried at least to do her job. And, explain what she was doing. The others simply tried to medicate me for anxiety. Then again, back in the day, not much was known about the treatment for bi-polar disorder. At least the recommended treatment wasn't a lobotomy.

When I didn't have any insurance for awhile and was feeling very bad, a friend of mine who also was a veteran suggested I go to the Veterans Administration for help. It was there, nearly ten years ago I was set up with my current therapist. With the turn over at the VA it's hard to believe it's been that long.

Lessons I have learned along the way also are, you only get out of therapy what you put into it. A therapist is not a miracle worker. Also, don't give up if you go to a therapist you don't particularly like. One size does not fit all as far as therapists are concerned. Plus, more and more these days you have a better chance of finding gender help from someone who at the least has some sort of understanding about your issues.

You just have to understand you are a complex human being with very complex issues! 

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Changing Closets

Yesterday's Cyrsti Condo's post concerning You Tube make up star Nikki de Jager as well as a couple of well read posts on my Facebook feed led me to think again how difficult the changing of one's gender can be. 

First of all, it needs to be pointed out Nikki de Jager was essentially forced out of her closet by a threatened blackmailer or blackmailers. How sad is it has to happen in this way. Here is a closer look at Nikki's background from Wikipedia:

"Nikkie de Jager, better known by her YouTube channel name NikkieTutorials, is a Dutch makeup artist and beauty vlogger. She gained online popularity in 2015 after her YouTube video, "The Power of Makeup", went viral and inspired many other videos of people showing their faces with and without makeup."

Her story led me to think about some acquaintances I have encountered on Facebook. It seems the more festive smiling party pictures they post, the sadder they become. In fact, one of them just said the exact same thing. Changing closets had become too brutal for her and she felt she had to go one way or the other.

I remember vividly how terrible it was for me when I was splitting my life down the middle between genders. Finally, when my wife passed away and I could actually look at beginning HRT, I could see which way I could go and live my life full time as a transgender woman. 

It was quite the slippery slope and until Liz came along and we found each other, I couldn't see another solid relationship in my future. I viewed myself as slipping down on long hard road towards a cliff. At the bottom of the cliff I changed my male closet for a feminine closet. 

It all worked for me although I needed to lose almost everything in my life when I did it. Fortunately, I was able to sneak back into my male closet and bring former interests with me (like sports) and family members such as my daughter came with me.

Leaving all the male clutter behind though never really bothered me. After all, how many humans really get the chance to start over?


Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

From transgender model and activist Billie Lee:

"The journey to self love brings you down a dark alley of emotional shame, guilt and abandonment. If I want to fully love myself, I must begin where it all started."

Monday, January 13, 2020

Daniela Lourdes Falanga

Daniela Lourdes Falanga was the first trans woman to be elected president of a section of Arcigay, an Italian group defending LGBT + rights (Instagram / @ danylourdes)
The eldest child of a mafia boss overcame his strict family education to become a transgender woman and one of the main LGBT + activists in Italy.
When Daniela Lourdes Falanga was born, it was believed that she was the first male heir to the Camorra clan and was to take over “the family business”.
She proved them wrong!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

What's Next?

Seemingly, the more I think about my past, the more I consider the future. Realistically speaking, most of my life lies behind me and I have written many times here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning my fear of being "cared" for in a nursing home with a very transphobic staff. Hopefully society will continue to inch forward in it's knowledge and support of transgender women and men.

Then quickly my mind returns to thinking about my past experiences I can put in the book. Many are buried deeply in my mind to a point where I can barely remember them.

Currently, I am writing about the very few men in my life including the first one. My meeting with him was brief and happened the night of my first professional make over at one of the transvestite mixers I went to. I guess I could say I had interactions with two guys that night since the make up expert who worked his magic on me was the first. Indirectly leading to the second.

During these mixers, I loosely tagged along with the "A" crowd or as I also called them, "The Mean Girls."  Approximately five or six of them always formed a clique which very few others were ever welcomed into. It turned out on that magical night, not even did I tag along, I crashed the clique.

Perhaps you noticed I said "crashed" and not joined. No matter how popular I became for one night, there was no way I ever wanted to become a permanent part of their exclusive group.

Now, back to the evening.  As I said, the make up expert did a wonderful job on me and even I was amazed. It was my first experience with someone else (who knew what they were doing) doing my makeup.

As I have written about before, the clique of the most attractive cross dressers or transgender women (before there was such a word) went out to party at gay venues after the mixer. Early in the evening I had the usual unremarkable time tagging along. It was later on when I was approached by a guy in the last venue we went to. He asked me to stay and he would by me a drink. Since I was dependent on the clique to get me back to the hotel, I declined.

More importantly though, the clique was dazzled I was approached and none of them were.

Sadly, the next day I had to go back to my usual male boring existence.

Saturday, January 11, 2020

Mixed Emotions

Thanks to the wonderful people at Facebook, recently they pulled up this ancient picture of me in the summer of 2014.

I like the picture on a few levels and on the other hand don't like.

In many ways I consider this a transition photo. I was moving away from being a blond and closer to wearing my own hair.

What you may not see in the picture is the torment I suffered from the wig's hairline. It's one of the few wigs I ever owned I even took a pair of scissors to. It's a wig though which brings back fond memories.

I wore it to my first "girl's night out" when I was invited by a group of young women I had met at one of the venues I frequented many times. Even though I was scared to go, I also was excited to tag along also. I put together one of my black outfits with a tank top and a long black skirt with a slit up the side. It turned out not to matter much as the younger more attractive women received most of the attention anyhow.

I had more luck when I wore the same outfit (and wig) to a big gay venue one night to meet a couple of friends. One was a trans man and the other a lesbian. I ended up having a fun evening and asking them to accompany me to my car when I was leaving. I had learned the hard way not to walk around the venue by myself.

Now, back to the picture. What I do like is my expression. I feel as if it gave me an impression of strength. The breasts of course were not natural. They were mine only in a sense they were given to me as a gift years earlier from a cross dresser who was purging his storage shed. Plus the way I was sitting only gives a slight indication of how over weight I was at the time.

I am sure you have to be transgender to put so much effort into breaking down an old picture.

Friday, January 10, 2020

Mara Gomez

From News Chain:
"Argentina's premier women's football league has seen the signing of its first transgender player with Mara Gomez joining Villa San Carlos.
The move will mark the first time in history a trans woman plays in an official Argentine FA tournament.
The 22-year-old said: “Football helped me change my sexuality and my personality. It was a moment of distraction. I have been treated well in every club I have ever played for."
Congratulations!

"Book Em" Cyrsti

I have finally decided to start on my second book.My first E-published book is now out of "print" so it is time to attempt a bigger better one.

Of course the Cyrsti's Condo blog is always a good place to start, since over the years I have accumulated over 5500 posts. Plus I have chapters I already attempted for book number two. So, my problem becomes having all these loosely connected thoughts floating around. I even have about ten ideas I have been collecting on my phone in a memo app I have.

What's a girl to do? This time I am using a loose leaf notebook to compile my ideas. For example, my initial chapter will include a glossary of terms plus a short bio. It amazes me how many more terms I have had to add since the first book was started nearly seven years ago.

Initially, as I move along I am planning to insert new ideas into the binder under headings I think they belong under. Another example would be the chapter I am building under the pain of being mis-gendered and rest room usage. Both carry bad consequences. As I write more about them, now I can insert the extra content into the proper place in the binder and edit it all when I get ready to finish.

The average book (according to Google) contains between 60,000 and 100,000 words depending on the genre. I'm writing a non fiction book so I have found most sources say the same thing.  lo short,  I am aiming to write at least 75,000 words.

You may ask what will make my book different? For one I am steering clear of supposedly scholarly ideas on the subject of being transgender. Zeroing instead on the life aspects of our culture. In other words, what I try to go in the blog.

There are several self publishing companies I am in contact with, plus I am fortunate in that my partner Liz is a book editor of sorts. Having her edit my book would save at least nine hundred dollars.

My problems are staying organized and finishing the project. This time I want a paper copy of my book which I know will cost quite a bit. So along the way, I have to save up the money to do it too.

I will keep you all posted.

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Josie Totah

Yet another transgender step forward is coming to television screens near you!


The most popular girl at Bayside High will be portrayed by a transgender teen.
Josie Totah has been cast as Lexi, a lead role of the Saved by the Bell reboot. The series will live on Peacock, NBCUniversal's streaming platform that will debut in April.

The Hollywood Reporter, which broke the news, describes Lexi as "a beautiful, sharp-tongued cheerleader and the most popular girl at Bayside High who is both admired and feared by her fellow students."
Go team go!

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

What Came First...the Wig or the Name?

Recently, I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo about my early cross dressing days when I would on occasion change my name to match (in my noggin) the spirit of the wig I was wearing. For example, I had exactly the wrong wig choice for me when I bought this big curly platinum blond wig. When the mirror lied to me and I wore it, I would change my name to "Roxie." I had so many other names back then I forget most of them. Most importantly though, I was successfully and needlessly confusing anyone I met when I foolishly tried to change my persona. After all, how many cross dressers were they meeting? I certainly wasn't accomplished enough yet to present feminine consistently.

I managed to confuse Connie and a few of you when I wrote this post. Here is her (Connie's) comment and her own story:

"LOL Forgive me, but I'm laughing at your mistakes, too. Naming yourself according to the wig you were wearing! I think that the name of the first wig I got by mail order was "Sultry." I may have felt a little sultry in it, but I was far from being that way, I believe now. :-) I learned, pretty fast, that gay bars were not necessarily the friendliest places for a trans woman.

Then, again, I also learned that they could be too friendly, when I was hit on by a very large drag queen one night. I was with two cross dressers, who did nothing but laugh at me, as the drag queen moved in on me with a vengeance. It was all I could do to resist the unwanted attempts of molestation and grinding against my hip as I sat on the stool. This is not one of the occasions for which I can look back and laugh, but it was definitely one from which I learned some things - about myself, as well as others. My first solo trip out was about six weeks after I had ventured out of the house to attend a cross dresser meeting for the first time. It was a trip to a grocery store across town to do the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. 

I've always done the grocery shopping in our house, so there was some level of comfort in doing something that was routine to me. While sorting through the pile of frozen turkeys, a woman asked me how big of a bird I thought she would need for her large family. From there, after a rather long chat, I ended up writing out my cornbread stuffing recipe for her. Later, when I requested some cheese at the deli counter, the woman there responded with: Oh, that voice! Your voice is so...so...sultry...I love it! No, I was not wearing my Sultry wig, but I do think I was making a rather cheesy attempt at feminizing my voice. :-)"

You should have not resisted the drag queen! She may have changed your outlook on life! :)

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Michelle Hendley

Michelle is an transgender actress and YouTube personality. She is best known for her role in the "Boy Meets Girl" movie in 2014.

The plot of the film is when 21-year old Ricky (Hendley) is a transgender woman living in a small town in Kentucky with big dreams to move to New York and attend a school of fashion design. Ricky is working as a barista and spends most of her time hanging out with her only friend Robby who has been by her side for the past 15 years. One day while Ricky is at work, Francesca, a woman from town, walks in and a friendship unexpectedly blossoms, which then turns into an affair.

For more, follow the link above.


Monday, January 6, 2020

Burger King Revisited

We received several cute comments regarding our Burger King "Impossible Whopper" post. Here they are...

First from Stana at Femulate: "The Impossible Whopper is pretty good. Tastes just like a "real" Whopper and now I'm pleased to learn about the added benefits!" 

Then there was Connie: "Well, now the zealots will have to admit that transgender people are real; not impossible at all! Why be a Burger King, when you can be a Burger Queen?

Does the new sandwich also make one grow buns?"

and Mandy Sherman:"Wow…all I need to do to get some nice boobs is eat the sandwiches at Burger King? Nice…if it’s true. And the calories will help them to grow! Once it’s proven to be a fact, I’ll try to eat there as often as possible! Wonder how long it will take to grow C-cups?"

Thanks all! I'm not a vegetarian but I may have to try an "Impossible Whopper" now to see if it speeds up my HRT process! :)


Sunday, January 5, 2020

Mirror Mirror...

Over my life, I have suffered from a love/hate relationship with my mirror.

It started early on as I benefited from a long hallway we had in the house which featured a full length mirror at one end. I could get cross dressed up and fantasize I was a beautiful girl. Unfortunately it was much later in life when I learned how wrong the mirror could be. The best example would be when the mirror thought one of my best described as a drag queen outfit would look good at the mall. I even put together a tennis outfit once. I can only imagine now how ridiculous I looked. In fact, many times the public told me with their reaction.

As the cell phone camera began to emerge though, the mirror emerged in a new light. Even though I owned an aging regular camera which has since went totally obsolete, the cell phone gave me a new avenue to view myself and show myself to the world. After extensive experimentation, I found I could take a better picture of myself if I took it from the mirror. Or so I thought. Seemingly, I could put any picture on a dating site and get a positive reaction.

Actually though, one of my pictures attracted my partner Liz on a dating site called Zoosk. Rest assured the process was long and grueling, as I suffered many cases of being stood up by men looking for a date. On the other hand, Liz was attracted to my photo because of my sad eyes. She felt a connection.

Every once in a while, I still sneak in a mirror picture. Here is one of my favorites from two winters ago. It was taken after a fun night on the town with Liz, in our hotel room. It had one of those fancy lighted mirrors in the room and I couldn't resist as Liz was already asleep.

After I see it, I want to color my hair again and shift the part back to the center. I have to keep telling myself to stay the course with my current silver gray hair which according to my "experts" (Liz and my stylist) is kinder to my complexion, age etc.

Plus, this mirror pic does not represent my real everyday life anymore. As with any picture, it only represents a small slice of time.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

Trial and Error

Over the past decades I have learned the hard way there is no easy way for most of us to feminize ourselves and face the public. I can't tell you how many times I was brought to tears by people snickering at me.

What happened though was I developed a thick skin while I learned to take better care of my own. Also ironically the more harassment I received, the more determined I became to present better in public as a woman. The more I progressed, the more natural I felt and over an extended period of two things happened. Probably the most important was gaining all an important confidence. More and more any resistance to me from the public was their problem, not mine.

Equally as important and a factor which took me years to research was how far reaching my possible transgender leanings went.  All of a sudden, I decided to throw my easy cross dressing trips shopping out the window. Even I learned clerks in stores didn't care who I was compared to how green my money was and easy trips to quiet book stores didn't really challenge by goal to be more feminine.

Finally I decided I had to take steps to establish myself as more than the occasional cross dresser if I was ever to explore if I could ever live full time as a transgender woman.

Here was my method as I have written about before here in Cyrsti's Condo. First I had to try to take a realistic look at what I wanted to accomplish. Little did I know how quickly I could establish myself after I quit doing dumb things like basically changing my name to match new wigs and going to gay bars looking for acceptance.  An example was when I dressed to match all the other single professional women that first night when I slid into an upscale bar stool at a Fridays outside of a close by busy mall. Make no mistake, I was scared to death! I still remember what I wore and each and every emotion like it was yesterday. Basically I wore a black pants suit with flats. With my restaurant/bar experience, I knew once I made it past the hostess stand with no problems all I had to worry about was finding a seat at the bar.

To make a long story short, I ended up becoming a semi regular at the venue and was treated well over the years.

Of course others have different yet similar experiences. Let's check in with Connie:

 "I must say that this is certainly the time for 2020 hindsight! :-)

There's so much more for a trans woman to change than just her clothes. If only it were that simple for most of us. When one becomes uncomfortable with what had once been her comfort level, pushing a few limits is then necessary. Although there are copious amounts of information and anecdotal stories that are readily available, we all must subject ourselves to some personal trial and error, if we expect any change. Learning to laugh at one's own mistakes, and to celebrate the successes, is a change for the better."

So true! Thanks!

Friday, January 3, 2020

Burger King in the Gender Business?

Perhaps you have heard (from the far right) fast food giant Burger King is offering a new vegetarian Whopper sandwich.

According to right wing zealots, when men eat the new sandwich they can grow boobs, decrease the size of their genitals and become homosexuals.

So, there you go, I have an inexpensive way to cut back on my Estradiol and Spiro! :)


Battle Scars

Trend setting young transgender woman Jazz Jennings has always been in the fore front when it comes to publicizing her own life. Her most recent landmark came when she went under the knife and completed genital realignment surgery.

The picture of her in a swimming suit dramatically shows the extent of the surgery.

This is just another instance of how Jazz has stepped up and showed the world yet another slice of transgender life!

Plus, another very accomplished and talented transgender woman is appearing in another very visible television role...Laverne Cox is a judge on the Bravo TV's design show Project Runway.

As always, Laverne is an articulate, gorgeous representative of the trans culture.

Before you head off thinking all I am doing is glorifying the very attractive upper portion of our culture, I am not. The greatest majority of us struggle to achieve our own level of femininity at all.

My only point is to show those who have achieved it and put their efforts to good use!

Thursday, January 2, 2020

What Was I Thinking/

I still can't get enough of the decade just past. The more I think of it, the more I remember doing crazy things. A few I remember vividly.

When I first started seriously down the feminine road, very early I decided I really didn't like the gay bars I was going into. It was about that time I discovered two small lesbian bars I began to frequent. One of which was the equivalent of a dyke biker bar. To say the least, they hated me there. The other was a different story and was the venue where I was strongly encouraged to sing karaoke by a super butch lesbian in a cowboy hat. I was also told one night by another lesbian I was pretty cute and maybe I should go home with her.  The major problem was I had a spouse to go home to!

Them again, there was the one evening I will always regret not being able to experience. That night  a group of stripper were supposed to entertain at the bar one night. Unfortunately, my wife was due home and I had to get back and change back into my male self.

Along the way, a few guys (including one trans guy) did enter my life. It was quite the adjustment and one it turns out I didn't have to accept. Every time I turned around, it seemed my life pushed me towards lesbians.  One of the highlights was acting as a "wing person" for one of my lesbian friends.

About this time too, as I have written about before, is when I met Liz. I was coming out of an intensely sad period of my life. I had just lost my wife of twenty five years and three out of five of my closest male friends to heart disease and cancer. I met Liz on an on-line dating site eight years ago and we have been together ever since.

Here is a New Years Eve picture:

The final point I need to make was, how difficult the decade really was. As with anything else in life you remember the upside and have a tendency to downplay the downside. Like the time I went to a downtown urban summer festival one night in Dayton and another time I went to a Christmas festival in my favorite boots, leggings and sweater. I remember the excitement and satisfaction of living the feminine experience but not the loneliness of doing it alone.

The only words of wisdom I can offer are, no matter how lonely and lost you are, if you don't keep putting yourself out there, nothing will change!




   

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

A New Decade

I suppose at my age (70) it's not good to measure my life in decades but then again age teaches you to do just that.

In my last Cyrsti's Condo post I said I would hitch up my big girl panties and show you all the hated "before" picture. It's the only picture I know of me and goes back over a decade to circa 1997.

Naturally enough, since I have been living full time as a transgender woman for over seven years now, there are no pictures of me as a guy.

So, here is a picture taken last summer in Columbus, Ohio at Club Diversity.

But hey!!! So much for me. May the New Year and new decade be safe, healthy and prosperous for each and every one of you!