Sunday, September 30, 2018

Sunday Rumblings

Truthfully I am still buzzed (naturally) by The Ohio State University football team's victory over Penn State last night! What a game, as predicted. Penn State truly has one of the most intimidating stadiums to play in when they do their "White Out", when everyone wears white and goes crazy. Supposedly, their stadium is the third largest in the world.

This post is about so much more than football though, I have never been one to make much out of my birthday, but Liz is making a big deal of mine this year. I don't completely understand because it's next year I turn seventy. I'm going to quote Mickey Mantle (the famous baseball player) when he said "If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."

My birthday is actually next Friday, so my daughter and Liz are off and are taking me out for breakfast. The rest of the weekend will be jammed packed too. Friday night is our regular monthly karaoke social, Saturday Liz wants to take me out to dinner and Sunday is her company picnic. When you mix football in with The OSU Buckeyes and the Cincinnati Bengals, I will struggle to find time for my afternoon naps!

Throughout the week also, I have dedicated myself to working on my voice homework and not get ambushed the next time I go for an appointment, in a couple weeks.

Now, I just have to figure out what I am going to wear everywhere next weekend! The weather so far looks pretty good and mild. So maybe we will get the lawnmower back and get a less than ambitious twenty year old to sacrifice his precious game time to cut it. He is not my son though, so he is Liz's problem!

Finally, thanks to all of you and especially Mandy who complimenting me on my picture (s). As you know, I am not a big fan of any pictures of me and have never been. Even as my old male self. 

Equal Time

I received a dare to publish this comment and I am not sure I know why, except I was a little flippant in my brief discussion of the recent Kavanaugh hearings: Believe it or not, I try to not dwell on my politics here here in Cyrsti's Condo.


" I just felt uplifted watching Dr. Ford and slimy after watching Kavanaugh testify yesterday". (my comment)

"I find it very sad and disturbing that so many people are buying in so unthinkingly into what is so obviously a scorched earth strategy of smear and destroy ANYBODY nominated to SCOTUS by President Trump.
This strategy was made clear by numerous Democratic party leaders in early July when they clearly and publicly laid out their stated strategy to use "any means necessary" to block ANY nominee to SCOTUS by Trump.
What you are ignoring is a very well executed and perfectly time smear attack"
There you go! Thanks! 

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Fun in the Jungle

As promised, I did twist Liz's arm into taking a picture of two of me after my hairdressing appointment yesterday.  To show the difference in length, I added the top picture of  my hair at it's longest. 

The new picture (or the bottom one) was taken in our overgrown front yard, due to a late summer (of course) mower break down. Also, I was too lazy to crop it.

Friday, September 28, 2018

No Comment

I have steeled myself to the idea of a compulsive liar/drinker joining the Supreme Court.  I just felt uplifted watching Dr. Ford and slimy after watching Kavanaugh testify yesterday. Enough said.

On the bright side, I made it through the BMV....Board of Motor Vehicles this week with no problems, not that I expected any. I managed to have a pleasant attitude and it was returned by the woman behind the intimidating counter.

Plus my hairdressing appointment also was pleasurable as always. We exchanged idle chit chat about her transgender son starting testosterone soon and the negatives of his separated father not accepting him. Which is especially tough around the holidays.

My new natural hair color is coming along nicely, and it almost looks like I have highlighted hair, plus it is soooo soft!

With a little bit of luck (and a promise from Liz) I will have a picture for you today.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

You are so Pretty

As I think back over my rather lengthy life, I don't remember many times at all when I have been complimented on my appearance by a spouse. I have had two spouses spanning approximately 35 years of my life and I am not including Liz in this because she will at the least tell me I look "nice." In fairness, I didn't have the extra benefit of HRT "back in the day." Also,  I am the first to admit I didn't look good enough to deserve any kind of a compliment.

Overall though, I have always believed spouses and/or women in general have a difficult time truly complimenting another woman. I'm leaving out the small conversational complements on accessories/ clothes etc. Many times I feel, another woman is just fishing to find out more about me. Or, am I transgender or what. Plus, there is the dreaded "You look good!" not adding out loud...for a man dressed as a woman.

Here is a comment on the subject from Connie:


"However, my wife has never told me that I'm pretty. She'll tell me that I look good in a particular outfit, but almost always after I've fished for it. I know it's because her transition is still a little behind mine, and her memory of the guy she married is not as distant as mine. This is why I say that transition never really ends or comes to some definite conclusion."

Some believe women aren't as competitive as men, which I think is wrong and appearance is one of the top areas of competition.  Never believe women don't dress for other women on the same scale as they dress for men. I know when I am going someplace relatively upscale, I consider what the other women will be wearing.

One way or another, the subject gets very complicated. Not unlike gender interaction itself. 




Wednesday, September 26, 2018

I Flunked

My vocal appointment didn't go so well. I use the excuse of having a cold but if the truth be known, I was lazy. I think I thought I could take this whole vocal improvement thing for granted and I could slack my way through it. After yesterday though, I realize it may be one of the most difficult tasks I have ever taken on.

My main problem is how I phrase my words. I still have all the aggressive vocal tendencies from my male past. Plus, they want me to improve my breathing all together. I can only hold an "O" or "U" sound approximately four seconds when I need to hold it for at least eight.

I need to take this all more seriously and get to work!

My therapist appointment was very predictable. If I am going through one of my healthier mental phases which I am now, we basically find other things to talk about.

For example, yesterday, we spent quite a bit of time discussing my birthday and the upcoming witches ball...both in October.

No news is good news!

Boogey Down

So far the week has been very predictable, except for a couple exceptions. At Monday night's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, I met an interesting couple. The transgender woman was a 28 year old natural beauty. She was with an adoring self professed gay man who said he loved her. Plus it seemed they met in a gay situation and fell in love. Then she started to transition and was just starting HRT.  Finally! Someone new and interesting.

For some reason, quite a bit of the discussion centered around finding a significant other for a relationship. Of course someone asked me how Liz and I got together. I said we met on line when she saw my picture and said I had sad eyes. Which back in those days (seven years ago) I most likely did. The fact of the matter is, most of them like Liz more than me!

The rest of the meeting was predictably boring.

Tuesday, my two self improvement appointments weren't so predictable.

More on my vocal and therapist visits later in another post.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Busy Week Ahead

I have quite a bit happening this week.

Tonight is one of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. The one I don't have to drive an hour and a half to get to and normally the one which someone interesting shows up to. So I have something to write about.

Tuesday, I have two doctors appointments. The first is with my speech therapist, which should be interesting since all I have done today is cough. I have been working on my homework though, so I should be able to pull success from failure. Shortly after is my therapist appointment. Which should go well since I found out where her new office is. I find the older I get, the more resistant to change I am. You would think since I have seen quite a bit of life and accomplished such unique touches as crossing the gender frontier as a trans woman, I wouldn't get intimidated much. But I do.

Wednesday or Thursday, I have to go to the BMV and get my car license tags renewed. Which is always one of my least fun things.

I make up for it on Friday when I go to my hairdresser. Always a fun time.

Also this week, I plan on thanking my speech therapist, therapist and hairdresser for all their help in furthering the success I have experienced recently with my MtF gender transition.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Gratitude

One thing I don't do nearly enough is express my gratitude to all of you who stop by Cyrsti's Condo! Thank you! All of you and your comments make the work of posting a daily transgender blog so worthwhile.

Yesterday, fall hit in a big way around here in Southwestern Ohio. And, as luck would have it, Liz  and I's circle group had a get together last night celebrating the first official day of Autumn. As it turned out, we had a small group of hardy souls get together under a park shelter in the rain to share food and fellowship.

Every once in a while, I run into someone I haven't seen in a while. Last night it was Monica. Monica is a delightful German native (cis woman) who is able to travel with her significant other to many different interesting spots. We bonded last summer during another meet up when I learned she is from a location in Germany close to where I was stationed when I was in the Army.

For some reason, yesterday was different (as I wrote about before) when I thought my whole look just was very good. I thought I looked good and fit in for where I was going. Monica must have thought so too because along the way in our conversation she paused and said something to the fact I was really coming along with my presentation. I was floored. It was one of the nicest straight forward unsolicited compliments I have received in a long time. Never in my life would I have ever dreamed I could have gotten this far with my MtF gender transition.

The whole day spurred me on to be more diligent with my night time preparation, make sure I do my vocal homework and keep my schedule with my hairdresser. One thing I need to do more work on is my nails. I try to work on mine (with a file) every week when I accompany Liz to her karate class on Saturdays.

Finally, I try to watch what I eat to keep my weight down.

However you look at it, gratitude takes a lot of work! It's true, you get back results equal to the work you put into it.

 If you are just beginning your journey as a cross dresser or novice transgender woman, it's a labor of love.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

It Always Gets Back to...

This morning we did our weekly shopping. And Paula, this was just down the street...not a hour and a half away like my medical appointments. She commented across the pond in Great Britain, people just don't have to travel the distances we do here in the United States. I did neglect to say, I travel by choice to my original Veterans Administration Hospital, which I like better than the closer one here in Cincinnati.

At any rate, before I ramble any further, let me get back to my original point. For some reason, with the help of a couple ibuprofen, I felt physically very good this morning, and was able to throw my shoulders back and do my best to glide like a woman.

The best part was, I didn't care what others thought. Once I get to the point of having the confidence to look strangers in the eye and try my new speech patterns on them, it's all fun. I am in control of the situation. It helps too if I am not in some sort of physical pain in my hips or legs from thirty plus years walking on concrete floors in the restaurant business.

Also, I thought my make up was purposely subdued as were my clothes...designed to blend with the majority of the other women I saw shopping. Just done to the point of looking as if I wasn't trying.

The icing on the cake was when our coffee shop barista said "You ladies have a nice day."

I just love it when a plan comes together, even though it took decades. 

Friday, September 21, 2018

Doing the Right Thing

One side of myself through all my cross dressing closeted years wanted desperately to believe I was made of the "right stuff" for continuing to fight all the evil urges I had to be a girl. In fact though, all I was doing was tearing myself up. Would not wish it on my worst enemy.

On the other hand (as I mentioned a couple of posts ago) there were the occasional shows on television which had a male actor cross dressed as a woman. I remember distinctly hoping no one else would start complaining to change the channel and me trying to act like I didn't care.

Of course, many of us transgender women feel the same way and were raised close to a similar way.

Take Connie for example, discussing "Geraldine" on the "Flip Wilson Show."


"Those were my college days, when the Flip Wilson Show was on TV. I had gone into my "Great Suppression" in 1968, after a fairly regular closeted cross dressing life of six years. I was very aware of the term, transvestite, and sexual deviant, too. As was my sneaky way in those days, I took Psychology courses as a way to safely research my "condition" (which, of course, I had overcome with pure will power...push down the urge and live with the purge). Wilson's character, Geraldine, was of interest to me academically, and I was very attuned to what others were saying about the characterization.

I had one of the only TVs in my college dorm, so there were usually a few guys in my room watching the show with me. I studied their reactions and made mental notes of their communication - both verbal and nonverbal. My conclusion was that I was doing the right thing in suppressing my gender identity, as I would have surely suffered total humiliation had my secret been revealed. I did consider a ploy, whereby I would suggest that I cross dress for a skit for the all-dorms talent show. That may have been putting myself on a slippery slope, I thought, but the real reason I couldn't do it was that being a clown was not the way I felt about myself.

I remember that the skit we did do was a mock Tonight Show, and that I played a Frank Sinatra-type character, singing "My Way." What would have happened had I come out as Doris Day, singing "Que Sera, Sera"? Many years later, "whatever will be" finally turned out to be my way!

BTW, I rewrote the lyrics to "Que Sera, Sera" for a show I used to do called "Passing Fancy with The Fabulous Connie Dee." It goes like this:

When I was just a little boy,
I asked my mother, What will I be?
Will I be pretty, or just some bitch?
Here's what she said to me:

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
Whether you're "He" or "She",
Que Sera, Sera.

This is, of course, pure fantasy. My mother would never have said that!"

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Pitch Perfect

Recently, I received a comment from Bobby ross, in Cyrsti's Condo concerning a vocal training course:

"Thank you very much, you have an engaging blog … keep it up Cyrsti

BTW, I have been trying to feminize my voice. I did a research and discovered that it is possible to feminize your voice without another excruciating surgery. I searched around and found this tutorial: http://bit.ly/2PKkjjd (Sorry I don’t know if I am allowed to post links or not). It is a set of easy to follow at home exercises. It looks interesting and the testimonies are inspiring. I like to know your opinion, do you think it is useful? (I did study some research papers and their claim seems legit)"
Thanks Bobby for the kind words! As far as the link goes, I checked it out and realized I had seen it before. First of all, I think you can get out of anything you want with the proper amount of effort. For those of you who don't know the course Bobby is referring to lasts about one month and costs one hundred twenty seven dollars. I'm sure if you take the course and put the proper amount of work in, it could be very effective. 
I think the most important part of vocal training is to have someone in the field make a determination on your natural voice pitch. Once you have it, you can work to make it more feminine by the way you communicate. Basically, women start and end their sentences on a smooth tone...men have the tendency to be choppy and to the point.  The easiest way for me to describe it is to add a "sing-song" rhythm to your speaking. It has been very difficult for me because of all the years of male training I have had to NOT sound that way.
However, I am the first to say I'm far from an expert. 
 Now, I better get into my voice homework!

Geraldine

A recent conversation I had with Connie jogged my slow memory about Flip Wilson and his character "Geraldine" .

I do distinctly remember liking to watch the show just to  sneak a peak at what "Geraldine" was up to. This was way back before even the term transvestite had entered my vocabulary, let alone transgender, His show aired from 1970 through 1974. My closet in those days was built with heavy concrete blocks!

If you remember Geraldine, she was fond of saying "The devil made me do it."

I wondered to myself if the devil was making me wear girls clothes and thought well, the devil was showing me a good time!

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Brutal

I need to make the drive to Dayton for one of my support group meetings. The trip up to Dayton takes about an hour and a half, one way...in easy traffic. When I go to my monthly veterans LGBTQ support group meeting, it doesn't let out until four o'clock which means in rush hour traffic, I won't get home for two hours minimum. I'm going to have to tell my therapist I can't make it anymore unless something changes.

In the meantime, the group was very small yesterday. Only another transgender woman and a gay man  The gay guy told a very sad story of being HIV positive in the gay community. And the total rejection he felt.

So, not much else to report from the meeting as none of the fun people attended! My problem is, I can't enjoy the meeting because I am worried about the drive back.

Monday, September 17, 2018

A Tweet in the Night

My phone is set to loudly announce a text message or tweet whenever I happen to receive one. Every now and then, I set my phone on the end stand beside the bed when I sleep. Rarely, does anything happen until last night.

About three or so in the wee hours of the morning, I got a tweet. Mind you now, I don't do much on Twitter, so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I did check it when I got rolling in the morning and it simply said "I want to be a woman." First I thought well duh, who doesn't?

Then, I got to think how hard it is for a transgender person to come to grips concerning their inner gender. And, after that, how difficult the journey is to sync up your inner and outer persons.

I wondered if the person who sent me the text was serious enough to face all the challenges of crossing the gender frontier.

Or was the message just a lost soul in the night, who I will never know.

I don't sugar coat much of anything, so it's hard for me to paint a rosy picture for any questioning transgender person. The easy answer of hitch up those big girl panties and proceed to go at it alone, because many times there simply is no one to help you.

However, I do have a big shoulder to cry on.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Seattle

Our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning places to live when you are transgender, elicited several responses about the City of Seattle:

  1. "I suppose I might have it easier here in Seattle, but it only takes one hater to ruin a day. They are out there, and it's true that some of them may feel more emboldened due to the demeanor of the current president and administration. It really wasn't that long ago (ten years) that I was still hiding myself for fear of anyone seeing who I thought was the "real me". As we spoke of on an earlier post, getting one's own house in order should be first on the list. No matter where you may live, if you don't show your self-confidence, along with a sincere effort to blend in, you are setting yourself up for a possibly terrible experience. The bullies are drawn to signs of weakness. Developing a thicker skin is also helpful, but I wouldn't depend on it as defense against physical assault.

    I have been accosted a number of times, and assaulted once. There have been a few "Me Too" incidents, as well. Everything physical happened in drinking establishments when I was alone, so I take care not to put myself in those situations anymore. At least my self-confidence and self-esteem have risen to the point where I don't run back to the closet in tears when something negative happens. I refuse to allow my gender identity, or someone else's perception of it, to make me a victim. No matter how bad the world may look, having a victim mentality only makes it worse.

    I have my pride, I won't abide!"
  2. Great advice! Thanks :)
  3. "I moved from the SF Bay Area (where I was born, raised, schooled, and worked) to Seattle just over a year ago. Maybe my opinion is biased by the wonderful change in scenery but, in my opinion, Seattle and environs are a transgender Mecca. I love it here."
  4. Thanks to you too Emma!

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Transgender in Today's World?

Is it better, or worse being transgender in today's' world?

I think for the most part better, even with the current climate in Washington, which is decidedly anti-trans. I know too, much of being transgender revolves around where you live.

For instance, where I live in a relatively upscale suburb east of Cincinnati, Ohio and life is very good for me and my acceptance level. (Knock on wood.) I have an acquaintance though who lives in Port Huron, Michigan and always bemoans the fact she is stuck in an anti-trans environment. To make matters worse, she only has a bicycle to get around on.

Living where Stana from Femulate lives on the east coast, or where Connie lives in Seattle most likely are a couple of the most diverse locales to live but of course it's impossible for everyone who is transgender and stuck where they live to pick up and move.

In that case, each of everyone else who lives in  non accepting situations, has to carve out their own life and it's certainly not easy. Most are stuck with learning all aspects of looking feminine all alone or even relying on dating sites to try to get validation from men.

So all in all, I still think, for the most part, living is easier for a transgender person because of some of the positive publicity we have received recently. Caitlyn Jenner excluded.

Hope you all are experiencing an easier way to go as a trans person in today's world. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the work it takes to present as  the best woman you can be!

Friday, September 14, 2018

I Got "Nuttin" Honey

Every once in a while, I draw a blank when it comes to writing a blog post.

It seems lately, I have missed several opportunities to go to places I could have written about, which is going to happen again this weekend. Liz and I were invited out again to the restaurant venue we have been going to, which is slightly upscale.

This time, we can't go because of financial duress caused by having to put a new brake system on one of our cars. Plus, The Ohio State University Buckeyes play Texas Christian University Saturday night. It should be a great game.

Next week though, I have a Veterans Administration LGBTQ support meeting Tuesday and I better start working on my new voice lesson homework. So, I have something to show the other transgender women (and everyone else) in the group.

So things should be picking up soon.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Good and Bad

The bad of course is hurricane Florence which is threatening a good portion of the East coast of the United States. For those of you in the path, please take cover and stay safe! Or of course, evacuate altogether.  As we all know, disasters such as this are specifically hard on fragile trans communities.

The good is the study which found (as we already knew) there is no link between transgender bathroom rights and sex crimes. From the Boston Globe:

"A first-of-its-kind study was released Wednesday and refuted the premise that the state’s transgender antidiscrimination law threatens public safety, finding no relation between public transgender bathroom access and crimes that occur in bathrooms.


Researchers at the Williams Institute, a think tank focused on gender identity at the UCLA School of Law, examined restroom crime reports in Massachusetts cities of similar size and comparable demographics and found no increase in crime and no difference between cities that had adopted transgender policies and those that had not. The data was collected for a minimum of two years before a statewide antidiscrimination law took effect in 2016."

Perhaps the Catholic Church should have been included in the survey!

Thanks to Bobbie for the heads up!

Also, our illustrious non leader continues to recieive push back on his idea to ban transgender troops from the military. Recently a group of congress persons got together to send him a rebuttal on the idea.  Although, I am sure he has bigger fish to fry right now!

Finally, I briefly saw a promo on what looked like a series or show on a transgender marriage. All I think I know now it is on Monday, airing on NBC. I will let you know if I find out more.  

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Keeping Your House in Order

Connie responded to a post I wrote about a cross dresser at our karaoke get together Friday night who went into a lengthy mainly one sided discussion (with another cross dresser) about how they built their own houses. I also neglected to mention during her discussion, he/she managed to add into the conversation why she wouldn't ruin her above average male voice trying to sing like a girl.

Here is Connie's comment:

"You don't have to know how to build a house, you just need to get and keep your own house in order. When one's hobby becomes so intense that it becomes impossible to do that, it's time to stop and make some hard decisions. That's what happened to me. BTW, I've also renovated quite a bit of my house, and I could have accomplished much more had I not let my "hobby" take up all of my spare time.

I have (had?) a friend who is a cross dresser. We used to go out and about together fairly regularly. It used to bother me that she would manipulate any interaction we had with others (usually sales clerks or waitpersons) to declare that she was doing her hobby. I got tired of trying to make it clear that her hobby was not an example of who I am. I asked her to stop doing that, but she couldn't - because it is an integral part of the hobby, itself. It's like, "Look what I can do! Wanna see a pic of me in real life?"

Years ago, my wife and I saw a therapist together. Because I felt that I needed to hide my feminine-self from so many people, I had cut myself (and her) off from friends and family. I was hopeful that the therapist would be learned enough about transgender people to know the difference between a cross dresser and "whatever" I was. His solution, though, was to make the analogy of an avid golfer, and that I should agree to limit my "hobby" to one round a week. I told my wife, afterward, that I couldn't abide that, as I woke up every morning feeling like a woman. To deny my own very being six days a week was something I wouldn't be able to do. Although this therapist didn't help us directly, it was his suggestion that was the catalyst for her understanding the difference between cross dressing and living authentically.
My makeup and sense of fashion are extensions and expressions of who I am. I enjoy them, but they are not a hobby for me. Renovating my house might be one of my hobbies, yet the house doesn't look anywhere near as good as I do. :-)"

A point I forgot to make is, less is definitely more when it comes to make up. Transgender or cis, the women who make it look effortless are the winners and their house is in order. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

It's a Hobby?

I read a thought on my Facebook feed recently which started me to think and remember my experiences as a "cross dresser". 

The person said basically all the make up and clothing expertise in the world were just a hobby for cis and transgender women everywhere. I agreed and did remember I used the hobby excuse at one point of time for my desire to look like a woman.

As I began to understand what was going on though, the use of external basics such as make up became a way for me to show the world who I really was. So then the "hobby" became more intense.

As a matter of fact, Friday night I met another self professed cross dresser. It would have been a great time to crash his/her ego run by asking "how was her hobby?"  Mind you, I only consider it when I perceive a slight on transgender women.

As it was, I couldn't add much into the conversation of building one's own house. Don't break a nail.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Grounded

Normally, tonight would have been time for another of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. Unfortunately though, we are having problems with both of our cars at the same time (of course) so I will have to miss the meeting.

In the greater scope of the world, it's no big deal but it is always good to write about.

Plus, it will be interesting to see what happens since a new moderator is taking over. The old one is starting some sort of classes on Monday nights.

Being a bit snarky, the new moderator doesn't play the "clique" game as well as the old one. Who refused to get tangled up in all the stupid politics which seemingly you can't get away from in a group of women who used to be men.

We will see!

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Vocal Help

As predicted, "Gordon" dumped nearly five inches of rain on the Ohio River Valley and proved the decision to cancel Liz's company picnic was a correct one. I was disappointed because  I love free food as much as the next girl. Speaking of food, Friday night came off without a hitch. A smaller turnout than normal, with even the fetish cross dressers dressed respectively. Most important to me, was the chance to practice my vocal training. If you are thinking of proceeding down your own voice path, there are plenty of ways to do it. Here's one from Connie:

"The first phrases I worked on with my feminine voice were salutational in nature: "Hello, how are you?", "I am fine, thank you, how are you?", "Thank you", "You're welcome", "Have a nice day!" etc.. First impressions of our voices are just as, if not more than, important as our physical presentations. I also made up affirmations that I would speak aloud either in the mirror or in front of a video camera. I would say something like: "I am Connie. Connie is a woman. The woman you see before you is Connie." I don't need those words to convince myself that they are the truth anymore, but the way I say them out loud does make a lot of difference, especially when reviewed on a video recording."

Speaking of video recording (a contradiction terms?)  It is very important to watch yourself talk to reinforce your feminity. Thanks for your input Connie.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Damn You Gordy

Well, Sunday was supposed to have been Liz's company picnic at one of the area's premier local parks.

As I have written in a previous post, what's left of Hurricane Gordon, is going to drop a ton of rain on us all weekend. Thus, the picnic has been postponed.

I am being a brat and feeling down because I have always enjoyed their company get together s. Maybe I will be lucky and they will be able to get it rescheduled for October.

What I really wanted to do was work on my voice again in front of a bunch of people either I have never, or barely have ever met.

The branch of company too, is run by an out lesbian so there is a LGBT connection which helps.

I guess though I should stop my whining over four inches of rain from a hurricane. There were so many who had it much worse.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Tonight is Date Night

It is the first Friday of the month and the night Liz and I have been heading to Karaoke with one of my cross dresser-transgender support groups. Basically, I go to watch all the others and Liz should go to sing, which she doesn't.

So far, as I have written before, most of the attendee's conduct themselves in a civilized manner (as far as dress goes) and, to my knowledge haven't trashed the women's restroom. I have had times in the past with other groups which that has not been the case.

What am I going to wear is the question. We are supposed to be getting hit by the remnants of Hurricane Gordon  this weekend so I am thinking about a simple pair of leggings and a frilly top. The last time I went, I wore my empire green high wasted maxi dress and solicited  a little smile and goodbye from the bouncer checking I.D's at the door when we were leaving.  Hopefully, he was't just mocking me :).

Other than that, it probably won't be a very chatty evening for me unless I can break out of a little circle, I have found myself trapped in. I have grown tired of the "lead" cross dresser and her never ending crummy jokes. So, if no one says anything interesting, I just withdraw into myself, knowing though, Liz is having a great time.

I will have a chance to work on projecting my voice, as the place can get quite loud on occasion. 

The whole event is usually well attended (approx 20 peeps), so someone interesting is bound to show up.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

And the Frog Said?

Yesterday was my third voice lesson and the first since still battling a throat cold.

Fortunately, I was able to battle my way through and get another good session out of the way. In fact now, I have a sheet of whole sentences to practice on. So, in three sessions, I have gone from making sounds to trying full sentences. Now, it gets tougher.

For example, I encountered the receptionist who called me "Mr. Hart" the day before, when she called to remind me of the appointment. With my speech therapist listening I told her "There is no Mr. Hart." I immediately then wondered if I had said it correctly with the proper intonation. At that point, I just wanted to get my point across and didn't much care.

However, I want to be perceived as more as just a good mimic and actually am learning. I think I am and the last dinner Liz and and I went to was a turning point. It was the first time in my life I actually felt my voice was beginning to sync up with the rest of me. Even though, I still have a problem using the phone. Because I still need to call Connie and check in.

Today may have been a good day since here in Cincinnati it was our turn it seems to have a active shooter situation downtown which resulted in approximately three dead. Obviously, I am OK and wasn't even close to the situation.

Selfishly, the problem I am having with developing a new voice, is learning how to use it in any situation. It is very much like a new toy.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Saturday Night Lights

Well, our Saturday night turned out to be a very pleasurable evening.

I wore what I wrote about wearing and was very comfortable doing it. I went with my long black embroidered skirt and cream fringed black tank top.

What has become fun now is the managers and some of the crew are beginning to recognize Liz and I as regulars and are reaching out to say hello. It doesn't mean they don't know I am transgender, it only means I have crossed into the "so what" mode. Plus I didn't notice any of the other patrons paying me any undue attention.  I still am waiting for the day when someone comes up to me and asks if I am trans because they know someone who is. It has happened to me from friends/acquaintances but never a stranger...yet.

Then again, very few of us can "pass" totally and I thought I would "boost" this post with a comment from Connie:

"I have to believe that very few of us can be completely invisible. What we can do is live in such a way that our transgender status is inconsequential. That is, we can define a new normal for ourselves, find a peace with it, and just go on with our lives. Although I'm quite certain that I will never go through a day without some sort of reminder that I am trans, I don't worry anymore about what that might mean to me, and I don't very often care what others might be thinking of me. Whatever being trans really means to me, I restrict those thoughts to the reading and commenting on trans blogs. I do feel that I have gone through quite a lot to get where I am now, and sharing with others - trans or not - those experiences and feelings may be of some help to them, just as it tends to be therapeutic for me. Otherwise, the rest of my life is not centered around my trans status, and I believe that most people sense that about me.

I hid myself for most of my life. I didn't start this transition journey with the thought of ending up invisible again. Yeah, I'm a trans woman - SO WHAT?! I'm so much more than just that."

Great points! Thanks

Monday, September 3, 2018

I am Transgender

Bye now, you should be thinking, well...Duh! But there is a reason to the madness of this post. The reason is:

I started playing with book ideas (finally) yesterday.

One of the happenings out of the past was just owning up to the fact I was?am transgender. The sentence went something like this: I am transgender...there I said it.

Before you judge, please remember all of this could change a number of times as I work my way through another "epic" non fiction work. This time, I am trying to structure the whole process to actually get it published in paper form. Not just in "E-Book" form like my last attempt which has just disappeared, along with the original publisher who shut down.

So, I am trying to make it more basic and informational than my first effort.

I need to focus on the fact this whole process  wasn't a choice and took a long decision process. I'm still amazed I can remember the night I came to the conclusion I was trans is still so clear to me, it seems like yesterday. 

At that point I backed track a bit an explained what being transgender means to me.  More precisely, trans to me means exactly what it says...crossing genders.

I also want to point out early in the book the idea transgender people live in the world often invisible to the public. And do I very good job of it.

All of this now is such a daunting task as I get started and (as I said) much of it will change numerous times as I work my way through it.

Then again, you have to start somewhere,

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Labor Day Weekend

With the last long weekend of the summer upon us, I paused to think what the holiday means to me. Selflessly, not so much. Growing up and well into my working life I never worked in a union, so I could only rely on my friends who got back from Vietnam and went to work in a local truck plant for any ideas I had.

I like Labor Day because even though the hot weather stays around for awhile, I know fresh fall weather is coming sooner more than later. So, I am looking forward to the final days of wearing my summer time maxi dresses. Plus, I am beginning to look around in my closet for fall/winter sweaters boots and leggings.

I respect Labor Day too, because it gives me a bit of time to step back and admire the work it took to come as far as I have in this transgender journey. For those of you who are in the midst of your own trans journey, you know what I am talking about. So, congratulations to you.

The Ohio State University
Also I would be remiss if I didn't mention the sport of American Football is finally underway. And, with or without Urban Meyer, The Ohio State Buckeyes pummeled a much lesser opponent...The Oregon State Beavers. As the season progresses though, the Buckeye's will have some very tough opponents. Then, there are the other professional teams in Ohio, the Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns who normally aren't worth mentioning.

For those of you who have a holiday weekend this week, I hope the leisure time finds you relaxing!