I read a thought on my Facebook feed recently which started me to think and remember my experiences as a "cross dresser".
The person said basically all the make up and clothing expertise in the world were just a hobby for cis and transgender women everywhere. I agreed and did remember I used the hobby excuse at one point of time for my desire to look like a woman.
As I began to understand what was going on though, the use of external basics such as make up became a way for me to show the world who I really was. So then the "hobby" became more intense.
As a matter of fact, Friday night I met another self professed cross dresser. It would have been a great time to crash his/her ego run by asking "how was her hobby?" Mind you, I only consider it when I perceive a slight on transgender women.
As it was, I couldn't add much into the conversation of building one's own house. Don't break a nail.
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The inspiration for this post comes from a new participant in my cross dresser- transgender support group. She recently posted for the first... -
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You don't have to know how to build a house, you just need to get and keep your own house in order. When one's hobby becomes so intense that it becomes impossible to do that, it's time to stop and make some hard decisions. That's what happened to me. BTW, I've also renovated quite a bit of my house, and I could have accomplished much more had I not let my "hobby" take up all of my spare time.
ReplyDeleteI have (had?) a friend who is a cross dresser. We used to go out and about together fairly regularly. It used to bother me that she would manipulate any interaction we had with others (usually sales clerks or waitpersons) to declare that she was doing her hobby. I got tired of trying to make it clear that her hobby was not an example of who I am. I asked her to stop doing that, but she couldn't - because it is an integral part of the hobby, itself. It's like, "Look what I can do! Wanna see a pic of me in real life?"
Years ago, my wife and I saw a therapist together. Because I felt that I needed to hide my feminine-self from so many people, I had cut myself (and her) off from friends and family. I was hopeful that the therapist would be learned enough about transgender people to know the difference between a cross dresser and "whatever" I was. His solution, though, was to make the analogy of an avid golfer, and that I should agree to limit my "hobby" to one round a week. I told my wife, afterward, that I couldn't abide that, as I woke up every morning feeling like a woman. To deny my own very being six days a week was something I wouldn't be able to do. Although this therapist didn't help us directly, it was his suggestion that was the catalyst for her understanding the difference between cross dressing and living authentically.
My makeup and sense of fashion are extensions and expressions of who I am. I enjoy them, but they are not a hobby for me. Renovating my house might be one of my hobbies, yet the house doesn't look anywhere near as good as I do. :-)