Cyrsti's Condo "Pretty in White"

I remember seeing this picture years ago I assume Anzhela Adamova identifies as a cross dresser or maybe just this is an androgynous "gender blender" style picture:

Cyrsti's Condo "Blind Date II"

At some time in the past, I must have captioned this picture from an unknown cross dresser on Pinterest because I received a reply on it.  I labeled something to the effect dressing up like a girl is fun and games - until you get set up on a blind date!

The reply comment from Karen L  was, "And, It depended what the blind date looked like!"

And Then There Were Three

Last but not least to be sure came this comment from Connie on our Cyrsti's Condo post "Beauty and the Generic Spouse" :

"Without going into my whole story (nobody really has asked me to write it, anyway), I can tell you that, after 46 years (42 of them in marriage), my "wife" and I are still together. Our relationship has changed considerably in the last six years, so that we are now BFFs (always have been) but now without "benefits". She never wanted to see me cross dressed at all, and so I was always careful to keep it hidden from her. It wasn't until she finally understood that it was so much more than cross dressing that she agreed to let me be myself around her. Had I kept up with the guise of a cross dresser, which is all I ever thought I'd be able to do for the rest of my life, we would not be together now. The seemingly simpler concept of cross dressing was much more difficult for her to understand and accept than the complexity involved with me being transsexual has been. The main thing is that cross dressing is something that one "does", while the other is "who you are". She used to ask, in despair, "why are you doing this to ME?" When she finally realized that I was only doing it (cross dressing) as a means of survival, and that it was only but an outward expression of who I am inside, she also realized that I would never, could never stop "doing it". During a couple's counseling session once, the doctor suggested that we negotiate a specific amount of time each week for me to "express myself", and he even used the analogy of an avid golfer agreeing to playing just 18 holes only on Sunday afternoons. Well, that was a stupid thing for him to say, but it did help in that I was better able to explain to my wife the difference between myself and an avid golfer (I would be happy to lose a couple balls, but the golfer wouldn't - KIDDING).

Anyway, I believe that there are so many variables that each case will be different, even if most of it could be the same. In other words, my story may be atypical; your results may vary."

I too Connie went through the "hobby" aspect of cross dressing, years ago-but not so much with the balls-yet.

Seeing as how I have used several "sweeping generalizations" in this post-we all know what a basic selfish pursuit playing with gender is all about. And, I think those of us who have encountered any number of women who have accepted any matter of what we are.  It's the true measure of the gender we are becoming a part of or expressing the gender we have always been.

The tough/cruel part of this is (as Connie wrote) we are just trying to survive and in most cases don't actually have much control of the process.  Must be why we try to kill ourselves in record numbers?

Personally, I find it interesting the number of people I am running into who think somehow my deceased wife was at fault for only accepting me as a cross dresser. A topic for another post.

Beauty and the Generic Spouse Part Two

Several excellent comments on our Cyrsti's Condo post which among other things discussed how your generic spouse reacts to your feminine appearance   I am fairly unflappable, but getting a comment from a "generic" (other than Liz) is rare around here:

Maria HardingJanuary 27, 2015 at 7:29 PM

Thank you, Cyrsti but, are women really competitive? Yes on one hand, no on the other. Until I found my spouse, I would compete however, at least for me, I did not see him as competition. He is, after all, my husband. The head of my household. I see the flip side, men are the competitive ones. For us, no matter how good (or bad) he looks, I let him know! lol. And she has always been my friend, whether she knew it or not. I always have her back.

 

The reason I wrote that Maria, as in all in the other gender differences, I see women as competitive as men -although in more complex ways. A man competes in a simple world, of physical or monetary power. The alpha females I worked with for years, brought it all to the table.  They listened better, were better in tune with their environment and could "bring the pain" in so many ways it may take you days weeks or months to discover.  Even today, when I'm walking into situations I'm not familiar with, I look for the women in the room first for potential problems.

 

FYI- Maria has a blog many of you may be very interested in!  It's called "A Crossdresser's Wife" See! All of you who think I discriminate against cross dressers-here you go!

Full Time Is In the Mind of the Transitioner?

Paula (left) of Paula's Place came up with a wonderful blog post the other day, essentially revolving around going "full time" as a transgender woman.  Here is an excerpt:


"Without any conscious decision being made I have found that over this last week I have in effect gone full time.   Last week I went to both a rehearsal at my Church and a CIWM meeting authentically,   I also came out to my RSCM committee and the All Soul's Orchestra and have received nothing but support.

Then on Sunday evening I was scheduled to be playing with the worship band for our evening service, when it came to it I just couldn't bring myself to "butch up" and so didn't bother getting changed, just refreshed my lippy and went.   While in no way was I particularly flamboyant I would say that I was pretty obviously presenting female.   I don't know what I was expecting or indeed what I feared, but there was no drama, no lightening bolts, and not even any comments.   I suspect that my being trans in now such old news that everyone was just waiting for it happen!"

For some time now, I think my life has paralleled Paula's in that I am not screaming to the world I am transgender, but in the unforgiving winter weather we are experiencing, and with minimum feminine upkeep , the world still knows something is amiss.  I just don't fit in their comfortable binary gender category.  I know though, I am retired and have not faced the terror of coming to work one day as one gender and the next as another. However, as Paula said people around you have to be pretty dense to not notice any transitional changes, going on with you.

One way or another, I love it when someone else writes a blog post for me!!! Thanks Paula! Follow the link above to her blog.

Rest assured, should you decide to make the transitional gender journey, no matter how you do it-the peaks and valleys and twists and turns will keep you guessing!

Beauty and the Generic Spouse

Yesterday, on Femulate, Stana posted  a picture from one of her readers named Allison.  When Allison described the picture she said (in part) - It was taken by the fabulous Amanda Richards at True Colors Makeup Artistry in Pennsylvania and  "The reason I think it's one of the best (of my pix) is my wife went to the photo shoot with me and I could her gasp for air when I came out of the dressing room; I knew I looked great."  I believe we all agree! Which brings me to my point.

What is more threatening to a generic spouse, when her hubby comes out of the dressing room looking like Allison or when hubby begins to begins to really begin to pick up a feminine persona-with out so called cross dressing at all?

I know, it's an impossible question crossing so many gender and relationship boundaries- for sure- an easy answer is impossible too. 

All I can do is pass along my own personal ideas.  No matter how I looked, my wife made no secret she was not fond of my girl self.  Looking back, I don't blame her but again that is another blog post.  What did happen was, on occasion I could play with the "A" listers who were natural cross dressers-like Allison. It took me years to figure out femininity indeed was more than skin deep.

Just guessing but the slower mtf gender transition may have a better chance of surviving in a relationship. After all, women are very curious and competitive critters. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

 from ift.tt

Cyrsti's Condo "Monday Humor"

Back to the Gender Alphabet

Every once in a while I have to slow down my everyday life again I try to reestablish who I am to others by explaining it all to myself.


In this weeks Cyrsti's Condo Sunday Edition, I responded to a comment from Connie on how I sounded as if I was somehow "talking down to" or "demeaning" cross dressers. Surely, Connie was right, but even more surely I do not feel that way. Ironically, the same subject came up with my VA Doc visit this week. One of his first questions was, "How long have you cross dressed?" Finally (I'm not the sharpest tack in the box) I came up with this answer for the average binary gender civilian: I have been a cross dresser since the age of 12, I have been transgender since birth. It was a "birth right" I didn't ask for but here I am.


Most of the time, at that point, I have to backtrack into the basic difference between gender and sexuality and hope for the best.


My problem is now, I risk offending the very group I respect to the max-cross dressers. After all, I identified with Cd's for decades and even did my best to hide behind my dresses to extend my life. All of it just quit working. I wasn't a cross dresser anymore than I was the macho guy down the street. I just took it all to a point of no return. None of that makes me any better or worse than the next person-cross dresser or transgender!


Finally, in this post, while we are talking about gender words, lets talk about the word I consider a gender slur. That of course is the "tra__ny" word which as far as I know still remains a fave word used by enabled older cis gay men (Rude Paul.) If you have a strong feeling one way or another, Frock Magazine is running a survey you can take here.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Kerplunk!" another edition of our Sunday Edition has just hit your virtual front porch!  Get your hot "Cup o Joe" snuggle in your fave jammies and lets get started:


Page One: The Week that Was or Wasn't. Across the country, news from the transgender world seemed to slow a bit with stories such as the "Transparent" television success and the "Leelah Alcorn" tragedy seemed to fade a bit. Speaking of Leelah, Liz and I were traveling up the very busy Interstate Highway 75 between Cincinnati and Dayton, Ohio yesterday and she noticed a very androgynous fellow driver in another car looking at us. Perhaps, she saw my "Leelah-Fix Society" bumper sticker?
Page Two: I Was Misquoted?"  No actually, I wasn't but what I wrote was taken out of context. Here it is:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 24, 2015 at 4:49 PM " Cyrsti, I have a challenge for you....Is not your statement, "almost as big as being a cross dresser to being a transgender person" something that a trans nazi might say? Well, it certainly sounds like something a "proud member" of a certain social network has said in the past (still being said, probably, but I divorced myself from that network years ago). I ask this because sometimes we may not be aware of "what we is or what we aint". ;) "  Yups Connie you are right and over the years I did grow up in the community (as you did Connie) with a forced understanding of where I "belonged" in a system with transsexuals at the top and cross dressers at the bottom. My fault was I did not add my usual disclaimer to what I wrote. First off, I never ever want to sound like I am insulting anyone who cross dresses and definitely DO NOT want to infer I would be putting myself up on any sort of pedestal-ever. Please forgive me if I do! Thanks Connie!

Page Three: What's Up Doc? Last week, I wrote about my first visit to an endocrinologist who cared more whole heartedly about my gender transitional well being. Actually, a Veteran's Administration assigned Doc. I know it is easy for me to sit here and write about taking advantage of nearly free medical care as I continue down my HRT road-but not having it can be problematic to your health. Real problematic. My new Doc even called me personally Friday night at 6 to "re consult" with me about taking me off the estrogen pill and putting me on the patch because it would be easier on my liver.  Are you kidding me? I can't remember the last time I got a personal call from a Doctor and at 6 at night? I thought he was going to tell me I was going to die!
Page Four: The Back Page-Editorial:  Age gives you a certain confidence that you have seen it all.  Going through a gender transition tosses all of that into the dumpster as I continue to experience. On one hand all the new "bright and shiny" new toys I get to play with are wonderful, on the other, I still wonder how anyone could ever think a transgender person is going through all of this because we merely want to. I have any number of things I want and quite a few I need. I want a new car and my grand kids to be happy but I needed to transition to save my life.


Everyone have a great week! The Goddess willing and the creeks don't rise-we will be back next week with another Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition."

Hows That Working For 'Ya?'

Every once in a while I try to pause and look around at life as a transgender person and I see for certain, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Lately, seemingly one major change has been I haven't read much recently from groups I call the "Rad Fem's" or the "Trans Nazi's" and more from those describing their experiences: Like-

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:52 PM

I use my own voice when I sing. I used to wonder if people were taking me for a drag queen - or even an "impersonator". What I learned, though, is that, by just being genuine and true to myself, people have accepted me as just that. This doesn't apply only to being an entertainer, however, as being genuine and true to oneself always will reap great reward. If you doubt who you are, people will doubt if you are (or worse, "what" you are).

And:

PamJanuary 22, 2015 at 11:29 PM

Crysti, I definitly agree about the Columbus, Ohio being more accepting then other parts of Ohio. I live in Westerville a suburb. My form of advocacy involves being open about myself where I work, the groups I belong to (non-trans) and at church. This give people a chance to see we are mostly just like them and not some exotic person that they find offensive.

Using a well worn term from the "old country" - "you is what you is and not what you ain't." No amount of surgery or HRT is going to change you but it will change how you view the world...a difference almost as big as being a cross dresser to being a transgender person. My partner Liz used to be fond of telling me how wonderful it was for me to be able to reinvent myself.  Then we learned together that wasn't quite the case. I was just me all along, just hidden.  Sometimes good-sometimes not so good.

Then again: 

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:14 PM

I don't think that we can ever wipe out, completely, sixty-years-worth of all the crap. Maybe if we were given sixty more years to do so? Well, only if I can still wear my 4" heels - otherwise, I can't imagine getting that old. I've managed to make it through a whole day without thinking of my "condition", but the fact that I finally came to realize that I had done that, patting my own back for it only makes me realize that I've got a long way to go yet.

Don't we all!

The Doc, The Resident and the Vampires.

It seems like ages since I began my HRT odyssey with the Veteran's Administration when in fact it has been nearly four years if we go back to my initial meetings with a VA therapist.

Yesterday, I hit a new level of sorts as I was finally able to land an appointment with a VA endocrinologist for the first time.  In the years past, my local  smallish hospital didn't have a full time one who would see me, so after fighting and fighting, my visits to an "outsider" were paid for.

My disclaimer on all of this is I have never had a problem with my overall care.  I think the great majority of the people who work within the VA system have a very difficult job to do. Not to mention our government (like it or not) will go off and fight any number of wars without looking forward to how they are going to provide proper care for those who fought them. Another blog post.

My visits to my old endo doc were for the most part, no harm-no foul. Check my vitals to make sure I was still alive, check my estrogen and testosterone levels, get my new "scripts" and "see ya!" Yesterday, my new Doc actually called out my name into the waiting room and asked me if he did it right (he did-I hate when they call Mr. Hart!) and we got started.

For the first time ever as a trans woman, I was really examined. Take off your sweater, drop your drawers kind of exam followed of course by 6,000 questions.  To add to the "fun" was the third year medical student who was accompanying the Doc. The first thing he asked me was "She had never met a transgender person, could she stay?" It turns out she was more fascinated by me, than I am on the mornings when I can't seem to put one foot ahead of another. Her presence in the room definitely provided me a first.  During my 50 plus years of adult life, I have never been "examined" by both genders at the same time-with breasts.

All too soon, my appointment was over and I was off to the "vampires" to give yet another three vials of blood which lately have seemed to get lost in the system. The good news was-this guy really knew what he was doing.

Perhaps my interaction with the Doc in training was the gift which will keep on giving.  She asked several times if I would come talk to her class at a local university about how to treat and NOT treat a transgender patient. Example from my last visit to old Doc- Note to residents- Do NOT make your first question- who do you have sex with-men or women after mis-pronouning you.

Finally, the Doc scheduled another appointment for three months from now and the only major change so far is I'm going on an Estrogen patch and off the pill. I will let you know of any other changes - like an unplanned pregnancy!

They Should Have Just Asked!

I saw this post on theFrisky:

 A study by the University of Basel discovered there’s some truth to the cliched belief that men and women process their feelings differently. Maybe John Gray was on to something?  The study, which will be published in the Journal of Neuroscience, “focused on determining the gender-dependent relationship between emotions, memory performance and brain activity.” The results show that women find intense imagery more emotionally stimulating than men, and are more likely to remember those images.

Previous studies have found that people are more likely to remember emotionally charged events than neutral events, and that women consider such events more emotionally stimulating than guys do. Researchers set out to determine whether this is the reason women do better than men on memory tests. 

What a radical idea?  Of course, results may vary but if you identify as a transgender woman or transgender man, you just knew this was true. And, when and if you decide to start HRT (again results will vary) you really will know how true this is.

At some point in time, maybe every research study on differences between the binary genders will at the least include ideas from those of us who have crossed the gender frontiers.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Seize the power!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Gender Blender"

Meet Kyle Farmery described as a New York City night life "princess."

Activism versus Advocacy?

Recently, I have written seemingly tons of posts here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the Leelah Alcorn tragedy and it's aftermath.  And- I have received tons of response too.  The difference for me now is, I am receiving input not only through the blog but also through places such as Facebook,  Google+ and through personal interaction.  Even my personal interaction is different because of all the different groups I'm interacting with. For the most part, no one I have run into has ever encountered another transgender person.

On Google+, Jenny sent me a great comment questioning (among other things) the true reasons certain individuals or groups of peeps are now jumping on the transgender "band wagon." Specifically she used my example of the mayor of Dayton, Ohio speaking at the recent Leelah Alcorn vigil. Why and were there hidden political reasons? I believe she did feel terrible about the tragedy but yes it is true - Dayton has an ever growing strong LGBT presence. I'm sure an "advisor" was speaking to her political need to be there.

Certainly, I can't speak to the longevity of any political support-except to say- both mayoral candidates in Dayton supported LGBT groups.  To the most jaded of you all (included me) I say-follow the money!  While so many of the well heeled bible thumpers have concentrated on building castles, LGB groups have been building communities. All of the sudden, we "T"s are becoming visible.  Tragically, Leelah never realized how close she was.

Also, around central and southwestern Ohio at least, all any city of any size only has to look at the example of the very diverse LGBT society in Columbus, Ohio as a model of economic success.  A subject for another post!

So, I think when considering the longevity of any transgender acceptance movement, you have to "follow the money." In my geographic area (which is considered far less than liberal except for Columbus) the more trans women and transgender men who are able to establish themselves in jobs, the more advocates we will have and the fewer activists we will need.

OMG!!! Am I Turning into My Mother?

One of the most common terms I hear from generics my age or less is "I am turning into my mother!" I assume they are telling the truth because I never met their Moms and the whole idea is bad.  On the other hand, I have met mine and yes, there are more than a few interesting comparisons.

First of all,  some of us resemble our Mom's.  In my family, it was clear from the beginning-my brother resembled my Dad while I resembled Mom. I know that alone does not make the person transgender. Most of us go on to grow and be masculinized -a "male" version of her.  Early pictures of her Dad made it clear where my genetics came from.

I'm sure generics feel the same way when they look in the mirror and I know they do when they act a certain way and  I'm beginning to feel the same.  All of a sudden, I am seeing all sorts of prime examples of how I am rapidly "syncing" up my personality with hers- and not in a good way.

She was the woman who would kick the drivers door in a cross walk on a car that cut through against the traffic light.  She was the 70 year old who would accelerate her Buick up a hill to cut off another driver driving trying to take her lane. Perhaps, most important of all, was her life long willingness to say pretty much what she wanted-when she wanted to say it. My Dad was decidedly more laid back.

I have accepted I resemble her and I have a real tendency to act like her.  My problem is in the series of "switches" I have had to gone through to accommodate myself.  As I made it through life, I could very much "bluff" my way through a macho existence and was left to my own "mouth."  Then of course as my "male privlidge" began to fade slowly as I grew older and then departed totally as I entered gender HRT transition- away it went. Not particularly a great time to showcase my sarcastic humor (?) on an unsuspecting public.

So I am stuck with all the genetic switches my Mom passed on and I can see them too in my 30 something daughter.  It's very ironic how much I am turning into my mother-more than she ever would want to know.

One thing is for sure-  She would not have hesitated to tell me her opinion on my transgender status and I wouldn't have hesitated to tell her I didn't care.

Boy Meets Trans Girl?

You bet ya and there is a film being released on the subject- and -are you sitting down-it stars a real live transgender woman actress. Michelle Hendley (left) is even a mid western girl and lives in  Columbia, Missouri.

Check out the movie's site here.

I watched one of the trailers and I ended up laughing and crying! For a trans person this looks to be the real deal!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

To the best of my knowledge this is not a transgender woman wearing a quote I love!

In House Diversity?

Of interest Saturday night to me during the Leelah Alcorn vigil in Dayton, Ohio, was the "in house" diversity in attendance.  Fortunately, the great majority of the attendees were young TGLBQ women and men and the "T" was not silent.  Most certainly, the L's and G's of the group just maybe are coming to realize how much trouble the transgender community is in.  In fact, Kevin of the Dayton, Ohio area chapter of GLSEN and gay is one in the trenches helping local chapters in schools.

Others in attendance other than I mentioned, ran the gamut as I said.  Racquel and I sat next to a lesbian couple and behind us was a transgender woman old enough to make me look young!!!  Then, there were several transgender men in attendance including Draco and a couple trans men who I had only known on stage as drag kings.  Plus, even the largest predominately gay dance club was represented.

Finally, even a couple of transgender dinosaurs in the crowd were asked to speak. The idea was sound but it was the wrong place at the wrong time. Here's how it played out. One of the trans women got up and briefly told her story of getting "blown up and out" of her job years ago at an old Dayton job she had.  A worthwhile experience to be sure, but when she then went into a name dropping exercise of knowing the "Who's Who" of transgender culture such as Jennifer Boyle - I am fairly sure the younger part of the crowd was internally drawing a collective yawn. (I was) Then another "more mature" trans woman spoke and promptly mentioned to not forget how we transgender women and men discriminate against each other too. To be sure, true- but again not the right platform or soap box for her "airing of grievances." Moral to the story...do NOT let us talk to a mixed young crowd!!! ME included! (I wasn't asked and that is a GOOD thing!)

My personal fave of the evening was the little girl sitting on the floor below me. I was sitting at a front church pew at the end.  She was dressed head to toe in the pink and blue transgender color scheme. Seriously, I have no idea if she was trans at all but she was young enough to look like a kid at Christmas peering around the corner waiting for Santa! At the least, she learned tons and walked away as a diverse young ally!

Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention the four Dayton cop cars who were providing security- a very sobering thought. And the Dayton mayor spoke-nice!!!

Back to the "Lion's Den?"

The other day, Liz came up and we again went into "attack mode" working on the lengthy process to sell my house.  Later in the evening, we "celebrated" with a drink.  The problem is, in my smallish town, there are only two venues I feel right about supporting and they were closed.  Our option was driving twenty minutes one way to the venues I normally go to.

Finally, I thought "what the hell" and we went to the place where many years ago I had the cops called on me for using the women's rest room.  I just wanted to enjoy a couple "adult beverages" with Liz.  As luck would have it, the same bartender was working last night and we got to talk about "where I had been" In all fairness to her, she didn't call the cops back then.

Plus, since that time, I have gone through many MtF HRT physical transformations in the couple years since I have seen her. Also, even in the backward conservative town I am from, the populace is catching up to what a transgender person is.

So, in and out we went and in some small way, I slayed another one of my smaller dragons.  Will we go back?  Only as a last chance.

Fix Society

My new "bumper sticker"!

It's August Again!

WAY back in the day when I happened along the rare picture of a female impersonator, by the name of Kim August. Of course I was entranced by the idea that any guy could look this good as a woman.  Well, she did and began working as a gender impersonator at age 15 from Flint, Michigan. She sang in her own voice which in it's self separated her from just being a drag queen.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" Another Sunday Edition has hit your virtual front porch!  Get that hot "cup o joe" of yours ready to go and lets get started.
Page One: Is the Third Time a Charm?  Yes, and no-last night I attended my third Leelah Alcorn vigil in the area in which I live. The one last night was in Dayton, Ohio and oddly was a different take in many ways on the same tragic circumstance.  Outside of a few "more mature" speakers, the evening was for the transgender youth packed into a small church.  Afterward, my transgender woman friend Racquel talked with me about the changes she has seen just over the past years.  Here is part of her Facebook post:

Many Ohio trans people have been brutally murdered in the past couple years. In Cleveland, Betty Skinner—a disabled trans woman—was beaten to death. Brittany Stergis was shot in the head. Ce Ce Dove (referred to as an oddly dressed man) was stabbed several times, tied to a cinder block and thrown in a lake. In Toledo, Candice Milligan was called "tranny" and "a dude in a dress" then beaten unconscious. Police said, "This may have been because of his sexual orientation."

In the first reports, they were all treated as defective freaks. The right pronouns weren't used and the word "transgender" never came up. To be fair, eventually the stories got partially updated. But I think we owe Leelah for really bringing the issue out in the open.

We also discussed the racial aspect to all of this, which I am going to write about in a future post.

Page Two: The Good News or the Bad News?  Last night, I walked away from the vigil last night with many, many positives.  However, being a veteran of many corporate brain washing meetings over the years-  I just wonder if weeks, months and years later, how much of the Leelah Alcorn story will be remembered?  I know a group in her hometown Cincinnati, Ohio is attempting to raise money for a memorial for Leelah.  Being the cynic I am though, I know a couple high schoolers who don't even know who John Hancock was and why was the guy in the statue dressed funny? How's the memorial working for John? But- One of the reasons I think Leelah just won't fade away as quickly as many would like her too, were the youth I saw stand up and speak their peace and define their young transgender lives in Dayton (last night) and Cincinnati (a week ago).  I was so impressed with how so many people are working in the trenches such as GLSEN who are trying to do such a difficult job!

Page Three:  Steve Harvey.  Steve Harvey has become a huge media personality and like so many others, came from extremely humble roots in Cleveland, Ohio. This morning, I heard an interview with him. Along the way, he spoke of the ten or so jobs he found and quit before he began the struggle to be a comedian. One in particular I remember. He said, I was working this assembly line job but I was putting more time into entertaining and telling jokes, so I quit.  The job just wasn't him. Doesn't that describe our lives as transgender women and men?  The same as Steve Harvey, we just got tired of entertaining the world as someone we weren't?

Page Four:  The Back Page.  As always, I appreciate you all for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo-with out all of you- nothing else matters!!!!! (Well, maybe nothing else!) You don't have to be good-just be safe Connie!

How's That URL Working for Them?

Thanks Bobbie!

Hitting the Transitional Wall

Some say "You transition a little every day."  That's true, of course in everything. With or without HRT, my 65 year old body is radically different-in a radically different world.

In December here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about the emotional turmoil I went through - right into what I call "hitting the walls." Plural, because it's all too complex to just call the process one wall. I'm fortunate enough to be with Liz- a person who in four plus years has been able to navigate the maze which has always been my noggin better than I can. As I wrote before, yesterday I asked the therapist if she and Liz had talked before I got there.

Although it's still a day to day process-my "passing privilege"  is more and more half full than half empty.  Of course with me, that presents another problem?  After my therapist was almost peeing down her leg telling me how presentable I looked yesterday - I said thanks of course-but....looking ahead at the final public transitional goal of just going stealth, where does that leave me?  If all of the sudden, I am not a trans person in the world-just one of everyone else? And that matters how?

About that time, I'm sure even though she couldn't say it, the therapist was thinking WTH? Isn't that the point? After discussion, the best I could come up with her and Liz is, all the years of being paranoiac about appearance being the only goal of going out-the vestiges are still with me. I have not transitioned past all of that yet.

Perhaps, I never will- I will let you know.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the beautiful MtF transgender woman Kristen Taylor

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Our feature over is feeling blue. She is  Ketrine Lakrine MtF transgender woman from Russia.

Loving Being Wrong for all the Right Reasons

I am rather "persistent" some would call it stubborn?  They are wrong-right?

Regardless of all the word play, there is a good reason for this Cyrsti's post.  Catching you all up on the latest news on my Veteran's Administration front-the last time I left you, I was discussing fighting with them again about not providing me outside endocrinologist care.  By VA doctrine they are supposed to. Knowing the system, I knew I should be able to win again by pounding on the system.  Pay for my outside care bill or provide me in house care.  Earlier this week, after only two months and two zillion calls, I was surprised with the news that not only were they paying for my Sept. outside Doc visit-they were making me an in house appointment next week.  Not bad, it only took me three years.

Now, on to the wrong/right subject.  Today, I had a second monthly appointment with a VA therapist to make sure my inner clock wasn't getting wound too tight.  I went to the first appointment as what is left of my boy self. For some unknown reason, I was going off the deep end agonizing about doing it again. (I am very good at making problems for myself where there aren't any.) Finally, I sat down with Liz and talked it out.  She told me beyond any shadow of a doubt to hitch up my big girl panties and don't go in male drag.  So I didn't and had a great session.  The therapist quite simply said if she never had a chance to meet the true me, how could she do her job.

By the time I was done with my session, I called Liz up and asked if she and the therapist had compared notes?  Plus maybe I may have told Liz she was right-kind of!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Cyrsti's Condo "Movie Trivia"

Darth Vader: "Luke I am your father and this is what I really wore under that robe!"

Professional Woman's Night Out

My partner Liz is a member of several "Meet Up" groups in Cincinnati.  Last night she took me along to her Professional Women's Meetup dinner last night. 

As always, I had very little idea of what to expect. 

At the least though, I should have expected the self introductions when everyone around the table introduced themselves.  Of course, where I was sitting, I was second to speak.  I am not new to introducing myself and anymore, not shy about doing it. I essentially said, "Hello I'm Cyrsti Hart, I am a transgender woman, blogger and writer. Needless to say, I was beginning to receive a little more attention by this time.  My biggest mistake was not bringing enough of my Stilettos on Thin Ice book promo cards as most everyone wanted one. 

As far as the rest of the meet up went, I was flattered to be among such a group of interesting accomplished women.  Accountants, Attorneys, Artisans and all.  My gender take on the evening was, women as a group tended not to talk about the success of their business's as much as giving them a gentle networking nudge.  All the time, they were mixing in tons of "soft" info about where they live, have lived or plan to live.  Of course. I didn't expect a male dominated "sledge hammer" networking approach either, so for the most part (for once) I was quiet and learned.

The most wonderful part of the evening when I walked away from the experience with yet more knowledge of the gender path I was taking.  I'm most appreciative to my partner Liz for taking me and  to the women around the table who welcomed me into their circle!

Cyrsti's Condo "House Keeping!"

As I wrote in my last post, there are tons of items to get caught up with here in the "Condo"-

First, let's not forget THE Ohio State Buckeyes won the first NCAA National College Football Championship!  Go BUX!!!!

Secondly, I don't know if all you regulars around here know that when she gets out of the rubber room she is confined to, The Fabulous Connie Dee's sarcastic sense of humor is far and beyond the best I have encountered.  A classic feminine- stick the stiletto heel in your back-while she runs as you are laughing. 

This comment was a reference to my radio interview with a teen therapist (who happened to be a Christian) who attends the same church with the Leelah Alcorn family:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEE

Is a trans fly one that dresses up like a butterfly? You could light on the cross in the church, which would make you cross dressing. You'd be all the buzz. No swats, but there could be moth balls involved. Tom (therapist) would surely break out with a "Him"......LOVE IT! I remember looking for cartoons like this in playboy's and trans magazines (all bought by me..lol) when i was younger. or maybe a "refrain", anyway. My mother always told me to be pun-ctual for church - Sorry!

 

Interestingly, Liz and I met another transgender entertainer from the Cincinnati area Saturday night by the name of Debi.

 

When the institution let Connie out again, she came up with this: " I have always thought that it would be fun to have a silk purse in the shape of a sow's ear. That, at least, goes toward attitude and confidence; maybe even friendliness as a conversation piece. Some rely on FFS to overcome physical detriments, but my FFS is a bit different in that it stands for "Fast and Friendly Smile". :-)"

 

I second the emotion about FFS- my greatest transgender "passing priviledge" comes from my smile.

 

And, as Pat added:  An old mentor told me that you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. That does not mean all is lost.
Attitude, confidence, friendliness and acceptance of others will overcome physical detriments.

 

Finally, Alicia responded to the classic "cartoon" we posted:  LOVE IT! I remember looking for cartoons like this in playboy's and trans magazines (all bought by me..lol) when I was younger.

 

As always, thanks so much!!!

 

 

: 

Bagging Saks?

Sorry for the delay in answering my mail! First of all- our Cyrsti's Condo post on the Sak's transgender discrimination debacle stirred up several great comments:


The first from Mandy Sherman who mentioned her trips as a youngest with her Mom to Saks and then commented:   Saks management apparently doesn't believe that we, as a group, have sufficient disposable income to patronize their stores. Thus they make it known of their scorn for us, and they can't see that they are suffering any harm from their actions.... If they treated us right, I (for one) would prefer shopping in the manner Mom did, with all the attention she got from clerks. (Obviously not as often as she did, but then, I'm not an executive's wife!) 


The second from Alana Jane:  I suspect that it's because of Texas and their neo-con far right evangelical beliefs. I say if you want a good shopping experience go to Nordstroms or Bloomingdales. You can get a personal shopper to assist you. That said, a judge needs to slap these Texas yahoo's with a sever damages penalty. 


And the "Fabulous Connie Dee" added:  Sure, Sak's can get by without making sales to transgender people, but they are really concerned about losing sales because of having a transgender employee. They should recognize that this negative publicity may cause them to lose much more than a transgender employee ever could. We, as a group, can boycott, but we really need to expose these people and their ideals [sic] for what they are - [SICK]


Last but far from least -Pat:  It would seem to me that they have the wrong team of high priced, white shoe, lawyers handling this case. From my experience there are some lawyers who will habitually 'over-lawyer' the case and throw every gauntlet down. A defense lawyer should keep in mind that he is a simple and humble defense lawyer. The job is to parry the thrust of the plaintiff's case, not to strike back and enrage the opposition.


I took excerpts from all the posts due to length constraints but you read them in their entirety here.  Good job ladies (and Connie) for providing every idea from geographical bias, to legal angles, to financial considerations on this story.  I'm a firm believer if you follow the money, you will discover the true basis of many decisions.  Like Mandy said, if you can indeed afford the Saks shopping experience-you can afford not to shop there.

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Cyrsti's Condo "Star Grazing"

Here we go kids, a look at our astrological signs, as always beginning with my home sign "Libra"

 (September 23-October 22): You’ll be hearing every excuse in the book, as the flakes will be out in full force this week. Forget trying to set your schedule to any timeline, because there won’t be one that will work out. Avoid the disappointments and be ready to see there are a lot of choices in how you can spend your time, as last minute changes will be your life for the next few weeks — and happily so, if you let it.

My "scope" certainly does reflect how my schedule looks for the next week or so-or how it doesn't look. I'm just rolling with the punches! Also "rolling" in a different way will be all you Pisces: 

(February 20-March 20): Just as your lusts were bordering on irrelevancy, you’ll connect to a new part of yourself that will want to jump into the thick of things, causing you to feel sensations in a more profound way than you have had in ages. Call it a spontaneous rejuvenation and thank those lucky stars for this miracle.


Well, that's it for our look at the stars for this weeks "Star Grazing". If we didn't get to your sign-go here to theFrisky.

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Transparent Wins!

For all of you who disagree somehow on the Laverne Cox's, Janet Mock's and Carmen Carerra's of the transgender women's world, being strong role models of the trans community- because of how attractive they are, here you go: 

Transparent, an Amazon original drama about a family struggling with its father’s admission that he is transgender, won this year’s Golden Globe award for Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy.

Jeffrey Tambor, (above) best known for his roles in There’s Something About Mary, Entourage, and the Hangover movies, stars as Maura Pfefferman in the show, and accepted the award alongside fellow Transparent cast and crew. 

I don't think you can necessarily make the argument either, a transgender actor should have been involved with the role (rather than Tambor) precisely because of the "passing privilege"  he doesn't possess. I saw one of his appearances on a talk show and they showed a clip from "Transparent" coming back from a break. Predictably, I heard a smattering of laughter-until Tambor started to talk about the show and the audience became completely silent.  Nothing funny about this topic. What the hell? How can this be? He doesn't look like a woman????

I'm sure though in the greater transgender community, someone will find something wrong.

The Tortoise and the Hair

As I stood on the Woodward Theater Stage Saturday night during the Leelah Alcorn vigil in Cincinnati Saturday night with thirty plus other transgender persons of all types - of course I wondered what was and is about my life.  We all were encouraged to get up on the stage and honor the memory of Leelah by letting the world know there is so much more to our uncover, closeted world than anyone knows.

When the microphone came to me, in front of 600 people, I said "I'm Cyrsti Hart, a PROUD transgender veteran and senior citizen."  Casually looking through the crowd during the evening, I'm fairly sure I was close to one of the oldest in the room.  I'm the gender survivor with the HRT changes and the hugely age inappropriate hair.

Since my hair became long enough to discard all my wigs, it has defined my transition to the world.  Age inappropriate or not, I use a version of one of Aesop's Fables to explain the life of my hair. Looking back, one of the less than the happiest moments of my life, was when I was riding a night bus into Ft. Knox in January of 1972 to begin Army basic training. Literally, several a few of the other guys on the bus were crying. I was lucky, I was older (21) and had been away from home in college.  Plus, I had several other friends who had been through the Vietnam Army experience came back and coached me.

A few days later in basic, it was haircut time.  The "barbers" were having a great time asking all of us how we would like out hair cut, when there was only one choice- gone!  I look at that point in my life as the beginning of where I am today.  It may have taken me awhile like the tortoise in the fable but I have made it to a point of being able to have age inappropriate hair. Sure, genetics have played a part, but I prefer to think karma has too.

Overall, the memories Saturday, just refueled the tragic frustration I feel about Leelah Alcorn's suicide and the surviving transgender youth who told their stories on the stage. I came away just knowing as much as I think I do-I'm missing way too many of the answers.

Vive La France!

Taking just a moment to remember all of you in France after the terrible cowardly terrorist tragedy in Paris.  May the "force" be with all of you!

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

From Taiwan MtF model Peng Baa:

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" Another robust version of the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition" has hit your virtual front porch. Get ready, it's been a busy one around here!


Page One: Tragedy Strikes.  If Leelah Alcorn wanted her suicide to "mean something" it has.  The LGBTQ community has responded with vigils beginning in her hometown of Cincinnati and spanning the globe all the way to New Zealand-so far.  This last week, I attended vigils in Springfield and Cincinnati, Ohio plus made a radio show appearance with an actual therapist who knew "Josh" and never managed (refused) to call her Leelah. 

Cincinnati's WCPO TV reported an estimated 600 people attended.  It was a moving experience as all of the trans women and men (young and old) were encouraged to appear on stage.  The courageous transgender youth were encouraged to tell their stories - which they did.  I came away from the evening knowing it takes more than a village to nourish a young transgender youth, it takes a city.

To all of you who have refused to mention another true clueless victim to all of this tragedy-the truck driver was mentioned too.

Page Two: I'm Invisible at Saks?  I'm a simple person with a simple noggin.  (Calm down with the cheap shots Connie, Bobbie and all!!)  So, I can never quite figure when a company seemingly draws a line in the sand and decides to support discriminating against one of it's transgender women employees:  In December 2014, Saks Fifth Avenue responded to a sex discrimination lawsuit filed by Leyth O. Jamal, a former employee at a Saks store in Texas who claims she was harassed, then fired, for being a trans woman. Saks could have fought Jamal’s suit by insisting that her claims of harassment are false, or that she was terminated for reasons unrelated to her gender. But instead, Saks has claimed that it has a legal right to discriminate against trans employees based on their trans status...Huh? Really? Of course, there are several theories of why Saks would screw this up so bad- go here to read one and stay the hell out of Saks where you are invisible anyhow.


Page Three: Move Over Bitches.  After the vigil last night, Liz and I went to an ancient looking tavern down the street called Motr Pub.  We had never been there, but were attracted by the sign on the window that they had "writer's night" every Tuesday-so in we went.  I knew I was in the right place when a guy who seemed to be a manager was wearing a jacket with a "Zappa for President" patch.  Before too long, the place began to fill up with 20 and 30 something's before the band began to play.  Also (all too soon) the Hudepohl draft beer I was drinking caught up with me and I was headed to the women's room.  The first visit was quiet and harmless enough but my second became interesting when I came out of my stall right into three rather predatory blonds looking at me.  I thought Whoa! said "excuse me" and headed to the sinks-washed my hands and left.  As I returned to my seat next to Liz, I asked her for the proper "generic protocol" for bitches on "man prowl" in the restroom.  She said they weren't much interested in me except to size me up and I did well.
Page Four: The Back Page.  As I said, it has been quite the week.  All of the sudden, I was in the right place at the right time to rethink how I pay forward into the transgender community. More on those ideas later! Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!

If I Don't Exist-Can I Buy at Saks?

Bobbie posted a reason why I can't-I don't exist at all!


"Saks could have fought Jamal’s suit by insisting that her claims of harassment are false, or that she was terminated for reasons unrelated to her gender. But instead, Saks has claimed that it has a legal right to discriminate against trans employees based on their trans status.
This tactic is quite odd, for two reasons. First, it is morally repulsive. Saks mis-genders Jamal throughout its filings, referring to her as “he” and “him.” Even worse, when Saks quotes Jamal’s own complaint, it adds a stinging “[sic]” after every reference to Jamal as female, as if to assert that Jamal’s identification as a woman is factually incorrect. Saks, then, not only appears to condone discrimination against trans people; it also seems to refuse to accept the validity of a trans identity at all."

This story seems so out of sync to me for a couple reasons. First, why would Saks let this happen at  all and two, why would they hire (or retaining) such an ignorant out of touch legal team?  Saks' sales must be way up since they don't need any additional dollars from the transgender community?  Or maybe they called Chick Fil-A for ideas?

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

"Life is like a wheel. You just have to remember to hang on tight when it begins to turn too fast!"


Cyrsti Hart

Just When You Think it's Impossible:

An unnamed MtF gender transition picture comes along which shows you what just could be: 

Rockin the Airwaves!

I can't say Thursday brought back many fond memories of my radio disk jockey days which ended in the early 1980's , but it's worthwhile to note the feedback from a couple of you who heard the broadcast.
 First, The "Fabulous Connie Dee":  I listened to the broadcast stream - not sure if it was up or downstream-complete with commercial interruptions. I even tried to call in (after making a search for their number), but they apparently have but one line, and they would wait forever to hang up on each caller. I thought that it could be fun if we were on at the same time. You did just fine by yourself, though. I remember a Cyrsti from not that long ago who would not have been so restrained. I would have shamelessly plugged your book, had I been given the chance/ {:-)
Connie, don't worry, I have not developed a new "laid back" personality, unless by some chance HRT is working some sort of changes on me. And, I haven't developed the "Dr. Phil" mentality yet by trying to plug my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book , although I should before I get invited to Ophra's house!


As far as the radio station itself- WAIF, it's a local "subscriber" supported radio station and I really don't know if it is not another of the many "faith based" radio stations around here or simply a non commercial one.  Except for the commercials you pick up on line on their "stream". Yes Connie, being on with you would have been a dream come true- or nightmare when we got kicked off!


And, Janet Warner sent in this comment:  Cyrsti,
I caught part of the show today and heard you when you called back in the second time. I thought the show was very positive, it is so wonderful that finally what it means to be TG is being discussed openly on a radio station with a broad audience. It is a rotten shame however that it takes the death of such a young innocent person to shock folks enough to have the discussion in the first place. Hopefully some good will come of all of this, but as one of the callers said, until it is no longer legal to discriminate against a person on the basis of gender identity, it is hard to see how real progress can happen.


Thanks Janet!  Indeed it is sad a young transgender person has to take her own life for this to happen. Didn't you think the program showed the depth of the problems we face?  Mr. teen therapist Moderator Tom, relayed right off the bat how stunned he was when he found about the "Josh Alcorn" he knew and the problems "Josh" was facing.  At the least now, Moderator Tom has heard about the problems of being transgender and how close to home and well hidden it can be.


While the conversation did show the depth of ignorance we face, until we face up to talking about it-no real progress can happen.  I was happy when I got back in to the show for the third time, I was able to have been one of two transgender veterans on the show. I was able to mention the discrimination active military members face IF they chose to come out.
While I doubt if I will be invited back to participate anytime soon on the station (even though I was not a wild woman), I think perhaps I will get a mention or two at "Moderator Tom's (and Leelah's church) on Sunday. I would love to be a fly on that wall-until I got swatted for being a trans fly.

Cyrsti's Condo Vintage Cartoon

Way, way way back in the day female impersonation cartoons such as this was something I looked for in every one of Dad's Playboy's:

Walk a Mile in My Shoes?

German digital channel ZDFNeo has ordered a six-episode version of Israeli-originated sex-change series Re-Gender.

The format was originally created by Israel’s (now defunct) Buzz Television and started out on Channel 10 in Israel. It is billed as a provocative social experiment and the format sees five men and women swap gender roles to fully appreciate the challenges faced by the opposite sex.

Number one, this is not a sex change series. These people may have a small window to see behind the gender curtain.  I'm biased as I have seen shows like this before.  Along the way, the guys complain about wearing heels or feeling uncomfortable when they always managed to get hit on by another guy.  The women somehow always run into a potentially embarrassing trip to the men's room.  Year's ago, I did see at least one show where the husband turned out to have tons of "passing privilege" His experience was interesting when he ended up working in a temp office job and had a bigger look into a more extensive feminine existence.  

But, as we all know-or should- living as your non birth gender involves more than shopping in the mall appearing undetected as a woman. 

Finally, for the average person on the street, a "fluff" show such as this will be likely to be entertaining to at least the women in the room and/or their closeted cross dressing spouses. For those of us in the real world-not so much.  

Why I'm Leelah Alcorns Greatest Nightmare

And why I could have been her greatest hope.

As you remember, she had written she didn't want to go through life looking like a "man in drag"  It's no secret I have struggled with "passing privilege" my entire life and not the example I would want to show a young transgender girl.  Then again, I do.

I wanted to show her I could have been her greatest hope.  After all, at the least, transgender people like me are survivors. We have been through the taunts, the rejections and the suicide attempts.  With, or without our families we have made it.  If Leelah was sitting in front of me today, I could say yes it does get better to an extent but changes more.

I thought it was interesting Tom, the moderator/therapist of the show (who continually pleaded ignorance on LGBTQ issues) wasn't ignorant enough to not mention one person who went through SRS, lived as a woman for years and now wants to go back to living as a man.  About that time I was trying to call back the final part of the show and rejoin the discussion-but couldn't get back in.

You see Leelah, it would be easy for me to brush off your 17 year old ideas of finality. What you see at 17 is a brush with reality and far from final.  Don't we all know the kids in high school who peaked then?  Tom, could mention attempting to reverse a sex change after 30 years but didn't have the information about puberty blocking medications?  It just seems to me a person who deals with teen counseling would have some sort of idea.

I'm biased of course but if Leelah was my child, I would recommend the puberty blockers as a "hedge bet".

So yes, I am the person (quoting Tom) who sounded "like a man" on the phone. (I do) but Leelah, it's so sad no one encouraged you to go on puberty hold. The gender landscape is changing so rapidly, your future would have been so bright and not similar at all to mine. Plus, due to length considerations on the radio (I assume) no mention was made of the family's desire to pull Leelah out of school.  I didn't bring it up because I am not sure of the extent of the accuracy.

Plus, lost in all of this is the semi truck driver who was just making a living.  Does Leelah's church pray for him?

Between A Rock and a Hard Place And a ----

I really did not know what to expect from today's radio show on WAIF in Cincinnati.  I come away from it still not knowing.  I want to thank Connie and others for your support.  The show was moderated by a teen therapist with a lesbian and I called in for the first half hour and then for approximately ten minutes later.The therapist actually knew Leelah but only as Josh and was definitely trying to walk a type rope over a canyon he knew nothing about.  Then again I question if he wanted to understand at all.

Bowing to forces he would not identify, he refused to use Leelah's first name, referring to her only as "Alcorn."  I pretty much stuck by my guns and went in for the understanding of transgender youth everywhere.  I have to say, he was pretty slick.  He would say if one of his three teen children was transgender, he would support them and he wasn't a Christian therapist -he was a therapist who was Christian.  Then, later on he said "Alcorn's parents didn't know the extent of his concerns." I just said aren't they the parents and shouldn't they?

About this time another transgender woman called and waded in, with more force than I and with the same results-none.  I was remembering about what Racquel told me about fundamental conservative Christians at this point, "They would simply circle their wagons, find others to blame and move on."  Racquel was right and I'm not so sure I wasn't wasting an hour or so out of my life today.

As far as the lesbian co-host went, she was typical too. I wouldn't expect her to spend her life worrying much about the differences in sexuality and gender anyhow. She had her own "cross to bear" coming out to a Pentecostal/ Baptist family. No fun doing that.

So my expectations were exceeded - zero plus zero equals zero.  The therapy peep will to go back to his peeps with no perceived real knowledge or sympathy. After all,  "don't all 17 year old's rebel against their parents like this?" And, by the way, how does Cyrsti get through life if his er her voice sounds like a man on the phone?

The world goes on, I just wish I could have slowed it down a bit more.