Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Shakina Nayfack

Shakina Nayfact is an American actress and transgender activist. She is most known for her series regular role as Lola, a "trans-truther" on Hulu's television program "Difficult People." She was on the second and third seasons and also worked as a writing consultant. 

Monday, June 29, 2020

Jari Jones

Jari Jones is a Black Trans Actress, Model, Creative & Activist.and the front person  Calvin Klein;s Pride campaign. She also identifies as a plus size, lesbian model.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

More Mr. Hart

I received a couple great comments on the "Mr. Hart" post. I you remember, the post basically was about the auto repair man who called me Mr. Hart on the phone and "sir" in person. The first came from Tiffawmy:  " Hello Cyrsti
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.
Do you think the guy was being vindictive or maybe he just didn't know what to do.
Regardless, you persevered.
Next time give me a call. I still carry a set of jumper cables."

Looking back, I don't think he was being as vindictive as much as he was being tunnel visioned if that makes any sense. What I mean is, he had male in his mind from the beginning and nothing I could do changed it. Then again too, maybe he just didn't want to deal with a woman anyhow. Thanks for the offer for the jumper cables. I too have a set around here, I my age you never know when you are going to need a jump! :)

And then, we heard from Connie: "Being called "sir" to your face definitely stings, and it's difficult to not react in a negative fashion. Usually, though, the hurt makes one too upset to be able to react at all. The clever comeback may come to mind, but it's most likely too late when it does. I'm fortunate in that it has happened to me so rarely, but the last time it did I think I came up with the right response. I said, "Why stand on formality? Call me Connie." It got the point across, and it made me feel less of the sting because I had gained control of the situation. In your case, I'm pretty sure that would have worked better than calling him "Grease Monkey" in return (even if doing so might have brought some temporary satisfaction)."

I like the "name" reply and will have to try to remember it if something similar to this happens again. The truth is, it happens so very rarely, i am not prepared. As far as the car goes, in the future I will have to call the auto club again tn the future. In all fairness to them, I have never had a problem in the past. I have always been treated with respect. 

I have thought this through in depth of course and have come up with an idea my whole reaction to the whole situation may be part of my transgender PTSD which i will go into in a future post. 

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Kiley May from Canada

From IMDb:

Kiley May (above) is a Hotinonhsion:ni Mohawk multidisciplinary artist from the Six Nations reserve. She is now living in Toronto. Kiley is an actor, screen writer, educator, public speaker and author of the upcoming book "How to Love a Trans Girl." 

Friday, June 26, 2020

Finally! Someone got it Right

I wondered after the problems I had encountered this week on the phone with people and after I was mis-gendered in person. How my mammogram scheduling call would go. After virus delayed the call for several months, it finally happened yesterday. Most likely, since the vast majority of his calls were women, the male scheduler with the VA didn't have a problem with my gender. During two calls, he properly called me Miss and her. I decided to work harder on my phone voice too, so maybe some of that worked also. After the week I have had, I needed a little affirmation.

Speaking of affirmation, my noggin finally kicked in with the other "Bucket List" idea I had a week or so ago and promptly forgot. As Mandy said, my bucket could be more appropriately described as a spaghetti noodle strainer. I like the idea, because I have next to no chance of ever doing exactly that. 

As I have written before here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am addicted to the Public Broadcasting System's line of cooking shows. One of which is called "Movable Feast" by Fine Cooking Magazine. Every week they close a couple chefs around the country and Europe and prepare what amounts to a feast. Then, approximately ten to twelve quests sit down to eat it. Every week I so much want to be one of the women enjoying the dinner! I wonder what I would wear and how much I would enjoy the food.

As I said, I know this Bucket List item has nearly no chance of happening but I can come a little closer this weekend when I get a chance to wear one of my maxi dresses and join a small group for my grandson's bar mitzfah. 

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Where the Hell is Mr. Hart?

As I wrote about before here in Cyrsti's Condo, yesterday our auto repair service came to hook up their battery charger and start our second car which has been sitting for quite a while now. For any number of reasons, the experience wasn't a good one. 

Maybe it was my fault since I did't feel the need to dress up for the occasion. I wore my culottes, a tank top and only basic eye makeup with my lightly colored/flavored lip gloss. Somehow I thought my "natural" look would carry the day. To put it mildly, I was wrong. 

To start with we got off on the wrong foot when he called me and said he was waiting outside and called me "Mister Hart" on the phone. I told him then this was Ms. Hart and I was coming out to meet him. I thought all would be good because I have never had a problem with this company before. 

I don't know what his problem was when called me sir without ever really looking at me. Maybe he didn't want to deal with a woman at all. let alone a transgender woman. After he called me sir, I almost said did he want me to go back in the house and get Mr. Hart? To make a long story short, I ignored his comment and he quickly started the car and went on his way.

By the time the day was over, I had managed to restore my feminine ego without any damage to my fragile gender dysphoria. So all was good. Regardless of the jerk.  

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

The Speaking Part

This morning during a phone call setting up my yearly mammogram, the receptionist said, so there is no Mrs. Hart? I quickly replied no there isn't but there is a Ms. Hart which seemed to work, As I imagined her looking through my file (which says female) for a gender. Shortly after that call I received another call. This one was from the auto repair company which is coming to check the battery on our old second car. This time the woman on the phone asked if Ms. or Mr. was the proper greeting. Which was nice. From then on she referred to me as Ms. 

Then, later this week is my grandsons's Bar Mitzvah in which I also have a speaking part.  It's very short with all words in English (my only language) so I don't expect many problems with it. 

Years ago, I did go through several feminine voice training lessons which I decided to discontinue when I became frustrated with them. Sometimes I wonder if I was too quick in my judgement but it's too late now. Plus, I think my voice matches me when you see me in person.

Finally, my daughter added what all of them were wearing Saturday which should help Liz and I with what we are going to wear. Since I know everybody in the expected sparsely attended event, all should be easy to do. Voice and all.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

An Active Week...for Once

After yesterdays debacle when I couldn't remember the other item I had thought of for my Bucket List post, at least this weeks posts could be a little easier. Mainly, because I actually have things to do. Socially distanced of course. 

Tonight, for the first time ever, I have conflicting Zoom meetings. One is with the Rainbow Alliance group I am a board member of and the other is the cross dressers - transgender support group I have been going to for years. Of course I am choosing the LGBTQ Rainbow Alliance group over the other. I guess in my old age I am opting for the group with the most interesting people. One person in particular in the support group drives me crazy when she talks so low I can barely hear her and when I do, it's normally a rehash of what she went over the meeting before. See? How grouchy I have become in isolation?

Tomorrow will be another semi interesting day as I get a chance to briefly visit with whomever AAA car service sends out to put a new battery in our second car. For what I am paying, I hope it all goes well as it should. 

Plus, sometime this week I have to get out the mask and go to our local store and buy a couple cards for this weekend. Saturday, is Bar Mitzvah day for my youngest grandson. In advance I have to get him a card and also one for my granddaughters birthday. Then I have to get to the bank to withdraw money for gifts. I am far past trying to shop for anything for anyone. I guess on Saturday, I will have a small speaking part to do for the very small gathering. For which I am honored.

To make up for all this activity this week :) I am going to have to pay more attention to my afternoon naps!  

Monday, June 22, 2020

Bucket List

I am spoiled. Over my life, I have accomplished much of what I set out to do. Long ago I was told there was no way I could become a part of the American Forces Radio and Television Service as I was drafted into the Army. Well, I did and was sent to three continents over three years. Destiny was on my side. Destiny was to stay on my side in the years to come with the birth of my cherished daughter. Then, I was able to embark on a twenty five year relationship with a woman I loved deeply and was able to establish myself  in a successful career in a male dominated world. In other words, I accomplished almost everything in my bucket list except the biggest desire of all. I wanted to be a transgender woman, full time. 

As it turned out, destiny was on my side again and I was able to even accomplish the very difficult goal of living a feminine life. All of a sudden my bucket list became full again as I looked for things to do as a transgender woman I had never done before. In other words, today, my bucket list remains very empty. In fact, I can only think of a couple items which are still in my bucket. 

At my age, my list has become very simple. One is my desire (once it becomes safe again) I want to go with Liz to a couple local lesbian bars. Also, one of the good things about having a bucket list at my age is you forget what is in it. For example, I can't think of right now what was the second part of my idea about his post. I will get back to you when I remember.

I guess you say my bucket has quite a few holes in it!

Sunday, June 21, 2020

These Days

With all the ultra important happenings going on in the world right now surrounding BLM and Juneteenth, it's increasingly difficult for me to find things to write about. It is just too easy to say I am a privileged white person who grew up in a predominantly rural white school  without even the benefit of history books which conveniently left out most of the black history all together. Tragically, the only racial knowledge I heard came from my Grandma who passed on stories about going to KKK meetings in my hometown in Southern Ohio. Juneteenth, or anything similar had no place in my house. In fact, the only dealings I had with a POC was with one family which went to my small school. This was back in the 50's and early 1960's when things were about to change...somewhat.

Today, I feel guilty when I see all the peaceful demonstrations I can't take part in due to my physical problems walking. I am still too vain to attempt it in a wheelchair.  On the other hand I still have this blog to sound off on my feelings. My fondest hope is the younger generation can be counted on to finally put an end to the systematic racism going on in this country today.

This also extends to the continuing rash of transgender women (mostly of color) being killed. Just recently, a young transgender woman was involved in a robbery and killed here in the Cincinnati, Ohio metro area.  

Any way you look at it, we have a terrific amount of ground to cover in our country when it comes to race relations. In November maybe we can really jump start the process going on now in the streets. 

Finally, a thought about privilege to leave you with:

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Nip Tuck Returns

The "FX" television network is teaming up with the "Hulu" viewing platform to stream some of their old shows. Included is the "Nip Tuck" show.

If you remember, the show was among the first to feature a transgender woman in a trans role. The transgender woman was/is the beautiful Candis Cayne. (below)

The show aired in 2009. For more, go here.

Friday, June 19, 2020

Pass the Wings Please

Recently, after I passed along the experience between my wife and I when she was approached by a man in a tavern we were in and it was one of the first times I was out with her cross dressed. Connie commented: Better to be a wing-woman for a wife than a competitor. How would she have felt, had the guy decided to sit down next to you and chat you up, instead?  

Since she has passed on, of course I can't ask her and can only speculate but I think she would have reacted  with a mixture of humor and curiosity. Humor because I was so new to any feminine experiences I would have been extremely ill at ease with the experience. Curiosity of course would have followed closely because she would have been closely checking out how I would have handled it. I can only say, it I had handled it smoothly, it would have cost me dearly in our relationship in the near future.  She would have wondered I am sure how I was able to handle it so naturally. It didn't matter because she ended up talking with the guy. 

You Cyrsti's Condo regulars may recall though I had a chance much later in life a couple times to be a wing person for one of my lesbian friends. Even though it was fun and flattering to do, I was never successful. I think deep down inside I knew it would be one of the few times in my life I would able to interact as a wing person for someone else. If by chance you don't know what a wing person does, she (in my case) was asked to approach another person in a bar and tell them my friend was interested in talking to them. 

One way or another, I wasn't successful so I will never really know how the person's I approached truly felt about me. I only know I had come a long way as a transgender woman in the mean time,

Make my wings spicy! 

Thursday, June 18, 2020


Every so often, there comes a time (or times) when we as a transgender community seem to be taking steps forward. Of course the recent Supreme Court ruling upholding employee protections for trans and gay workers is one of those moments. No matter how brief it is before we face another major ruling, it's good to see one go our way! 

Then, there is the documentary on Netflix called "Disclosure". It is written and produced by leading transgender creatives and thinkers who share heartfelt perspectives and analysis about Hollywood's impact on the trans community. It's directed by transgender filmmaker Sam Feder.

Of course Laverne Cox is involved too.

Lets not forget too the massive black trans lives matter march which recently. This is a view from New York City: Times could be a changing!

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Multiple Transitions

As promised, here is the second comment (from Connie) concerning the Cyrsti's Condo post on how I felt when my wife and I were out very early in my transition and she started to talk to another guy:

Better to be a wing-woman for a wife than a competitor. How would she have felt, had the guy decided to sit down next to you and chat you up, instead? There's no doubt that the husband/wife relationship gets turned upside-down and sideways when one of them switches gender.

Years ago, my wife came to a bar where my band was playing (starring "The Fabulous Connie Dee"). After the first set was over, I was going to sit with her, but went to the bar for a drink, first. While waiting at the bar, a guy commenced to hit on me, and, by the time I got rid of him, it was time to go back on stage. A few songs into the next set, the same guy appeared on the dance floor with my wife. I remember the mixed feelings I had, being jealous (as a husband), and helpless (as a woman). I also felt jealous (as a woman), and helpless (as a husband). I really had no reason to be jealous, but I was helpless because I'd given up any rights I had had as a man and husband. It certainly wasn't her choice for me to become her girlfriend.

At that time, we'd reached a point in our changing relationship where my wife was much more aware that my manhood was fading away than I was, myself. She'd already started mourning the loss of her husband, while I was just at a loss of how to be a husband as a woman. I've always felt that it is important to be aware, as part of one's own transition, that it is a catalyst for everyone else involved to go through their own transitions, as well. Because the trans person has, most likely, had years to make the decision to transition, it would be foolish to expect a spouse - or anyone else - to make such an adjustment immediately. In our case, however, my wife's transition had progressed further than my own, at that time.

I'm lucky, if not mystified, that we are still married, just a few days short of forty-eight years. We probably won't be having a big celebration, and I know we won't go out dancing. I'll probably buy her some flowers, but she'll know that I'll be enjoying them just as much as she does; she has for a long time.

Congratulations on your anniversary! The complexity of the gender situation in a transgender person's relationship  is amazing.

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

A Partner Or?

I received several very good comments on my recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning the day my wife suddenly had the chance to turn into my competitor when it came to a gender confrontation with another guy. It was turning into an increasingly flirtatious situation. 

The first comment comes from Michelleisback:  " I know that the situation, where one realizes the dynamics of male/female interaction, has both good and bad connotations when it comes to wife and husband relationships. It's a real eye opener when you realize that you are the third party wallflower girlfriend, when watching you spouse interact with a male. It makes one wonder if she sees you as competition or just someone that has no recourse but to just go for the ride along and just sit quietly in the background. i guess all you can hope for is that your relationship with her is strong enough to remind her that you are partners in life."

Thanks for the comment! Unfortunately, I don't think my wife ever got to the point of ever seeing me as anything else but competition. In other words, our relationship as two women was toxic. Even though over the years I changed so much  as I grew into being a transgender woman, I am not so sure we could have ever made it together as a couple. 

In fact, before she passed away I was trying to live as a man the best I could. If I had to guess, I don't think I could have made it much farther the way I was going.

I will post another comment later!

Monday, June 15, 2020

If You Had any Doubt

With the upcoming election, it's getting clearer and clearer the choice we are looking at on the ballot. As the nation continues to be embroiled in well deserved protests and the Covid 19 threatens to overwhelm us again. the administration in Washington continues to take our transgender rights away. If for some reason you are still confused what it means to your present or your future if you decide to live a trans life, it is worth it for you to read up on exactly what is in it.. Among other things, in the future, you could be refused care at a physicians office because you are transgender.

The message is clear folks, Biden is far from the perfect candidate but the current evil idiot is a disaster. Further more, if you tell me you just aren't going to vote, or vote for a third party candidate, you are telling me you are indirectly voting for the evil transphobic idiot who occupies the White House currently.  

Buckle up kids, It's going to be a rough road ahead! 

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Water Proof?

It's still Pride Month even though most all events around the Cincinnati Metro area have been postponed. As a matter of fact, the main LGBTQ Pride event here has been rescheduled for October. 

This morning I saw an commercial on television for some sort of a water proof make up product. Then I remembered I thought I had a picture from a Pride "Pub Crawl" Liz and I went on several years ago. Of course, right in the middle of it, a rain began to fall. My motto is you can only get wet once, so we bravely moved into the next stop on the crawl schedule. 

Ironically, once my hair began to dry out it more than regained it's normal volume and waves. As the evening concluded, we were able to celebrate Pride in style, if not a dry one! 

It is a Pride I will remember because it was the night I slipped on a curb and re-micro broke my ankle.Hopefully this October at Pride I will be more careful!


Saturday, June 13, 2020

Another Transgender First

From CNN:

"Rosemary Ketchum won a seat on a City Council in West Virginia, making her the first openly transgender elected official in the state. Ketchum, 26, was elected to the Wheeling City Council, after running on a platform addressing affordable housing and opioid addiction.
I am incredibly grateful to get the opportunity to represent my city" Ketchum said in a statement to CNN. "I hope that this election helps us push the needle in West Virginia so that we can fully embrace the power of culture, diversity, and representation in politics.

I ran for office because I believe the job of an elected official is to reflect the values of their community in the actions of their leadership and that is why I am excited to serve."

In the transgender community we need all of this style of young trans leadership.rship we can find!

Friday, June 12, 2020

Another Man in my Life...Sort of.

As I was writing another chapter in my book called the "Men in my Life", I happened to remember this experience which happened years ago to my wife and I in a small tavern in Cleveland, Ohio. As I recall, we were just trying to waste a bit of time creatively (by having a drink) before we were going to a transvestite mixer that night. 

As we sat at the bar, a guy on a big Harley motorcycle rode up outside and ended up sitting next to the two of us at the bar. Fortunately (I thought) for me he took the seat next to my wife and began to talk to her. I was desperately shy and insecure about myself since I was so new to going out in public as a woman at all.  I also at that time hadn't absorbed much of the interaction of the genders' from the women's viewpoint.

As time went on, my wife and this guy were talking more and more and for a second I wondered what I could do if she decided to take off for a ride with this guy on his motorcycle. The answer was simple. I could do next to nothing except wait for her to come back. 

Probably, the worse part about the entire situation was both my wife and I knew she was totally in control of the whole thing. 

After leaving me to worry about what was going to happen for an appropriate amount of time, in her mind, she excused herself from the guy and we went on on way. 

From the whole experience I learned the hard way I needed to improve my feminine appearance quickly so I could compete more completely if a single guy ever approached my wife and I again. I wanted a fighting chance not to be ignored.  I learned too, the dynamic of wife and husband between my wife and I had probably changed forever. Especially when I was dressed as a woman, all of a sudden I was competition too. 

Thursday, June 11, 2020

A True Trans Legend

From the Inside Edition:

"Robina Asti has led an extraordinary life: she flew planes with the Navy during World War II, managed a major mutual fund in New York City and, at 99 years old, still serves as a flight instructor. But don't expect her to get sentimental; Asti has embraced her more than nine decades on Earth with her signature wry sense of humor.

"Being 99 is just a number," she told InsideEdition.com. "It's a number that means 100 years ago, in 1921, some little jerk was born. And that's me."

"I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is see out the window that it's daylight, and I think, 'Hey, I survived the night. Isn't that great? I got a day to look forward to. I don't care what happened. I'm going to enjoy this day,'" she added. "In other words, I've already made me feel good." 

Asti transitioned in 1976 and has become a vocal advocate for LGBTQ rights in her later years. She married the love of her life, artist Norwood Patton, in an old airplane hangar in 2004. The pair had been together for decades before they tied the knot. But when it came time to apply for widow benefits from the Social Security Administration after Patton's death in 2012, Asti was denied because the agency said she was "legally male" at the time of their marriage." 

For more, go here.

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

The Reality of the Dress

When we are young novice cross dressers and/or transgender women, the power of the clothes and makeup is nearly everything we experience. For some of us the allure of the clothes began to fade early. I began to want to be the girl, not just look like one. 

I think the recent quarantine has heightened the differences in those who have to cross dress to reestablish who they are gender wise. If you use me for example, I always know who I am gender wise and would have to go out and buy men's clothing if I even wanted to try to express any of what is left of my male self. I am making up for all the years when I questioned my gender continually.

So, while I don't need the dresses, hose and heels to feel feminine, it is certainly fun on occasion to get dressed up like I did Saturday night when we went out to eat for the first time in nearly three months. Nothing wrong with any of that since all women get a chance to feel the same way during their lives too. It's part of the fun of a being a girl. 

With my HRT induced body changes, I have found I have made it easier to find "fun" outfits in my wardrobe. If the stars and everything else align, I may even get my favorite summer "boho" outfit past Liz and get to wear it to a lesbian bar in the area. The outfit consists of a spaghetti strap tank top and my well frayed jeans I roll up to mid calf. I wear the whole thing with sandals of even flip flops. I love the feel of the top I wear with no bra...if Liz approves it. Once again I am experiencing extra fullness in my breasts with the increased dosage I am on and I can't forget my hair which is growing rapidly again. 

The problem is the two lesbian bars we could go to are across the Ohio River in Kentucky which is just re-opening on a limited basis and Pride has been moved back until October. I love me some lesbians and hope it happens! In the meantime the reality of the dress (or the fantasy) may just have to wait.  

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Do the Clothes Make the Trans Person?

I happened along this article from the Huffington Post which may interest all of us transgender and/or cross dressers. It's about trans woman Stella Sacco and her feelings when she tried on a new dress:

"Whether we do so intentionally or not, many of us use clothing and makeup to express ourselves every single day. When a person transitions their gender, that notion of self-expression takes on an even deeper meaning. 

For Stella Sacco, (right) finding clothing and building her wardrobe felt daunting when she first came out as transgender in November 2017.  

“I know there are people who can really pull off wearing clothing for their authentic gender right away,” she told HuffPost. “But just like cis women, trans women are all different. We all have different body shapes. Some of us are traditionally feminine to start and some of us are not. I’m 6′1 and shaped like a carrot.” 

Finding comfort and confidence, then, was somewhat of a challenge in the beginning. Sacco, 32, had her first experience shopping publicly in the women’s department when a friend and his wife gave her an H&M gift card to kickstart her new wardrobe. She recalled the experience as daunting ― but powerful. 

“That first time I picked out an outfit for myself felt amazing,” she said. “Even the feeling of going in and being really stressed out ― and thinking, ‘Are people judging me because I’m in the girls section and people think I’m a guy?’ ― was hard. But picking out the outfit and being like, this is a full outfit I picked out ― that’s a feeling even now I carry with me every time I go shopping.” 

All great points we will consider in a later Cyrsti's Condo post.

Monday, June 8, 2020

Socially Distanced

Saturday night Liz and I finally braved the dreaded virus and went out for dinner. As i prepared for the first special night out in over ninety days I jumped in the shower to provide a fresh canvas for any possible germs which may come my way. Even though I was planing on practicing social distancing in our small group, one other drunk cis woman was too touchy and she didn't.  Hopefully, she was not a carrier.  

Other than that, the night went smoothly. I wore one of my silky maxi dresses along with my black flats. When I washed my hair (which is getting long again) I used a volume inducing mousse which really helped to give me the body of hair I love.  Especially when it falls softly across my shoulders and back. 

The venue we went to was a regular place we stop at quite a bit, we went fairly early and the place was very sparsely populated. I felt fortunate in that it was still open at all. The place we used to go to all the time declared bankruptcy and closed it's doors for good. Since the place was almost deserted, the sound volume was low enough we could actually talk. The cis woman I was writing about who comes with a cross dresser was somehow amazed again when she found out I was in the Army. I guess I don't fit the appearance levels she would think matched the Army stereotype, We also talked in depth about our relationships, which included her four kids she had before she was 21 to my long and varied list of fiance's and wives.  Even including how Liz and I met nearly nine years ago on an on line dating site.

The only draw back to the venue is the chairs at the tables. They have a tendency to make life very uncomfortable for my back after about a hour and a half. So we were able to excuse ourselves and leave.

It was good to get out!

Sunday, June 7, 2020

A Choice?

Yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo we explored the issue of trust when it comes to novice transgender and/or cross dressing women. During this post, I would like to preach to the choir concerning choice. 

The problem we have is as we come out is a severe problem with being selfish in our drive to discover our true selves. Often, we are so frenetic in our approach, we have a tendency to forget those around us. All of a sudden, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock is family, finances and friends the hard place is the fact we really don't have a choice.  The pressure increases if you are considering hormone replacement therapy. Unless you are on a radically different regiment than I am, you can say goodbye to most sex lives as you knew it. The prospect didn't bother me as much as some because in my own way, I had approached sex to me as being between two women anyway. Which did not meet with success in the bedroom with my wife. 

As selfish as all that was, it was the only way I could save my own life. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just cross dress every now and then to decrease my desires. It just didn't work that way with me.

All of this led me to massive fights with my wife, especially on the occasions when she caught me breaking our pre approved cross dressing curfews. I remember vividly the day she told me to be man enough to be a woman and leave our relationship behind. As you can tell, she was wiser and I was stubborn. I had yet to realize being a woman was not a choice with me. Once I did, she had passed away before I made a total Mtf gender transition.

If you are a better person than I, try to look into your soul and take the gender path which is the most natural to you.

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Gender Trust

Connie tipped me off to a blog post concerning a long buried happening I went through years ago. In fact, it took me years to realize how much my why didn't really care about my cross dressing gender tendencies as much as what happened when I lied to her about sneaking around behind her back. To clarify though, my wife never accepted any thoughts of me being transgender and beginning hormone replacement therapy. Before we go any farther with those thoughts, here is Connie's comment:

"My wife was so much more upset by my manipulation than she was about my gender identity and the expression thereof. When we finally had the big "discussion," the thing that rang loudest to me was her asking, "Do you think I'm stupid; that I don't know what you've been doing?" Of course, the "discussion" led to me trying to explain the "why," followed by "who" I was, and not just "what" I was or what I was doing. When a spouse sniffs you out, no matter how perfume-y you try to make it, it's an awful stench."

Thanks for the comment!  When I look back at all the not so intelligent contortions I went through to hide my other life from her, I wonder why I tried at all. An example was every night she worked late, I couldn't wait to get out the door and lead my feminine life. The problem was, when she got home, I had to be cleaned up the best I could so she wouldn't notice any excess makeup.  No matter how hard I tried, most of the time I had difficulty passing the scrutiny she put me through. Looking back on it now, I wonder how I even put up with the stress of passing twice a night. As a woman when I went out and as a man when my wife came back home.

Indeed the stench was awful since the gender issue was the only point of deception we had in our relationship. The stress was horrendous.

Friday, June 5, 2020


Last night I was officially elected to the board of the Greater Dayton Ohio Elder Rainbow Alliance. Due to my over active activity with certain social media platforms I am almost sure I will be pushed in that direction to help out. The only problem is I may have to cut back on a few of my radical comments on the worthless liar in chief in the White House. Then again, maybe not.

Interestingly there are three other women on the board who are also veterans. As far as I know, I am the only token transgender member. My goal is to provide  quality "T" representation to the overwhelmingly LGB membership. During my screening interview, I was naive and thought the other four people knew anything at all about a transgender person. They didn't. But at the least, they can now tell their friends they have met a trans woman.

Of course, my ultimate goal is to being able to speak to elderly care facilities about caring for transgender orientated patients. In other words, the closet looms large for us who are elderly in the near future. So far, there still is an elderly summit scheduled for the area in the fall. It is all dependent on the status of the virus by then, 

Perhaps in my small way I can help.

Thursday, June 4, 2020

Georgie Stone

From Australia, transgender actress Georgie Stone.  Georgie was born on May 20th, 2000 in Melbourne, Australia.

The actress was born as one of two male twins. Unlike her twin Harry, Georgie embraced her female characteristics from a young age.

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

On Line Action?

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have slightly covered the subject of on line dating sites and their availability to transgender women or men. In fact, over the years many have become nothing more than glorified porno sites attracting "admirers" of trans women and/or cross dressers.I have another experience which goes back to the very earliest days of on line chat rooms. But first, here is an experience from Connie:

"Maybe I shouldn't admit this publicly, especially just two weeks away from a 49th anniversary, but I dabbled in dating sites a number of years ago. I labeled myself "woman 'curious' about women," and I never mentioned that I was trans. I did say that I was married, although I was careful to always say "spouse" and never used a pronoun. I was not interested in finding a relationship; I just wanted to see if I could be seen as a woman (or be seen as attractive by another woman). I don't think the term "catfishing" had even been coined yet, but I guess I was sort of doing it. I'm not proud of what I did. There were a couple women who were really interested in meeting me, even though they lived in California. One was ready to buy a plane ticket to Seattle, and I had to be nasty to her just to get her to give up on me. I could have told her the truth of my gender, but that may have been even more hurtful to her at that point (or so I rationalized). I was scared to death, and never fooled around with dating sites again."

Thanks for your comment! Mine as I said goes back to the very earliest days of the AOL chat rooms.  I was married too of course and somehow had managed to establish a fairly regular "chat" with a person attracted to transvestites in a city not so far away. Even I was very naive and continued the chat until my wife walked in on me one day and found out. I remember it took me weeks to dig out of that predicament  I had put myself into. It was almost as bad as when I was caught sending of Polaroid photo of me cooking in the kitchen all cross dressed up to a "friend" who responded with a perfume scented letter. Again, not what your wife wanted to find in the mailbox. Again I had to promise to never go down that road again. 

My problem was technology stayed one step ahead of me and I began to learn how to contact others. Of course, after my wife passed away, I was free to experiment on line and you have been able to see some of the results I had shared. Looking back on the later experiences, I think I was stood up on so called "dates" in restaurants approximately two out of three times by men. 

However I did much better with women whom I met in person and my future was to be much brighter. 

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Zion Moreno

Who is this transgender model?

Add caption

She's about to become a household name.

Zión Moreno stars on the new Mexican Netflix series Control Z, which follows a group of high school students who unfortunately get their secrets spilled to the whole school by a mysterious internet hacker. 

One observant but "socially isolated" student, Sofia, attempts to find out who is behind her classmates' secrets being leaked.

Zión is part of the LGBTQ+ community and reportedly transitioned at a young age. She initially started her career as a model and has since entered the world of acting. She previously appeared on TNT's Claws.

Among Other Things it's Time for Pride

With the world in agony over so many problems, it is still time to pause and remember June is still Pride Month.  The riots over the senseless death of yet another black man have reached close to home around here in Cincinnati with public curfews in the city over the past several nights. The only positive tie in between the unrest and Pride is as you probably remember the "Stonewall" riots in NYC were the beginning of Pride.

Around here too, all the many Pride celebrations have been cancelled until later in the year due to concerns over the virus. 

I simply ask all of you to join with me in remembering all of those who have gone before to secure the very tentative rights we enjoy.

Monday, June 1, 2020

A Transgender Powerhouse

If you hadn't noticed, transgender powerhouse Laverne Cox is and has been a spokesperson for Smirnoff Vodka. Here is one of her latest commercials: