The "Big D"

 No, I am not writing about Dallas and all of it's problems with winter time.

My "Big D" concerns my gender dysphoria. 

Yesterday I virtually attended a meeting for the upcoming Transgender Month of Visibility which is being produced as a month long celebration of everything transgender by the Trans Ohio organization. As I have previously written about, my small part of the presentation will be on March 26th. As it gets closer, I will have information for you on how to access it. As it stands now, it should be on Facebook Live. The topic will be my pet passion...care for elderly transgender persons. 

At any rate, yesterday, the Zoom meeting meant I had to put together some sort of a basic "look" for the hour. The whole process didn't take long. A close shave, eye makeup, and lip gloss left me extra time to experiment with all the hair I am blessed to have.

When I was done, I was able to look in the mirror and see the me I was always destined to become. In other words, I was able to defeat the "Big D" temporarily at the best. 

I know deep down my gender dysphoria is a nasty beast which I know is difficult to defeat. Even more so since going out in public is so rare. In fact, so rare is I am basically looking forward to my appointment Tuesday with the vampires when they are going to take out a pint of my blood to control my iron.  

Fortunately I am looking forward to riding my temporary victory over the "Big D" and making my upcoming two public visits more comfortable.  Looking slightly ahead, I have my second Covid vaccine coming up on March 13th. 

My goal is to blend as an "more mature" old hippie woman! Now I need to find a pair of wire rimmed glasses. :) 

In the meantime, I will do what I always have done to defeat the "Big D." I will have to keep exploring my options and working hard to be the best transgender woman I can be. 

Trans in Trumpland

 This new documentary "Trans in Trumpland" has been recommended to me by a close friend but I have not had a chance to see it yet. Here is a quick excerpt on what it is all about:

Evonne from Trans in Trumpland

" Trans In Trumpland is a powerful docuseries with a total runtime of under two hours. Filmmaker Tony Zosherafatain takes a road trip across four states in the U.S. that have transphobic laws—North Carolina, Texas, Mississippi, and Idaho—to converse with four transgender people of different ages and races as they cope with or fight against the anti-trans policies implemented by the Trump’s administration. Zosherafatain, who is a trans man himself, gets to tell his own story over the course of four episodes as he meets members of the community to unpack the intersectional issues they face, whether it’s related to race, immigration, poverty.

 Trans In Trumpland doesn’t just focus on these issues; it also demonstrates how these four people try to overcome them on a daily basis. While certain direction and music choices skew on the dramatic side, the docuseries works because of the compelling subject matter, especially the story of trans Latinx immigrant Rebecca, who moved to the U.S. at the age of 10 with her mother and has been detained by ICE three times. It’s a step beyond negative headlines, offering a glimpse into the lived experience of those directly affected by laws such as the discriminatory HB2 bill, which prohibits trans people from using bathrooms and lockers that align with their gender identity, or the trans military ban. 

Created by TransWave Films with Transparent’s Trace Lysette as an executive producer, this docuseries is a heartfelt must-watch. [Saloni Gajjar]"

Check out the trailer:

From India with Love

 Gaurav Arora (below) who is now known as Gauri Arora is a known TV personality and has been a part of many Bollywood and television projects.  Before her sex change, she had participated in the reality show Splitsvilla and then took part in India's Next Top Model as Gauri Arora after having undergone  sex-realignment surgery. Back then, she had said that it takes a lot of courage to accept the reality and come out in public

. "I hope my stint on the show gives courage to a lot of people."

Saints

 Parents who love and support their transgender children are saints! I can't imagine having such supportive parents when I was growing up. In another era before the internet and any social media. Perhaps we can refer to the time as the transgender "dark ages"/

Change is slow though and it wasn't so long ago I was writing about the local transgender teenager Leelah Alcorn  (below) who committed suicide when her parents tried to force her to continue intense religious conversion therapy. 

I am writing this post today because of a comment I received from Janine :

" My son is trans and it is great to read insight from others so that I can support him better. Thank you"

Janine now joins my former hair dresser Theresa as transgender advocates of trans children who have commented on the blog, or in Theresa's case, in person. (Theresa is the proud mother too of a trans son.)

It's a far cry from the experience I had with my Mom when she offered to send me to electro shock therapy. Fortunately, I was old enough (22) and secure enough in myself to reject her and it was never brought up again  by either of us. 

Finally, thanks Janice and Theresa for restoring my faith in human nature. You are saints!

Impostor Syndrome

 If you feel "Impostor Syndrome" in addition to, or part of gender dysphoria this post from Kira Moore's Closet may help.

To me in my past, Imposter Syndrome has crossed gender lines many times in my life. For example, as I climbed the professional ladder in my business profession as a guy, even though I had nearly reached the top, feeling as if I did was still difficult.

Actually,  the term dates back to the early 1970's when it was mentioned by two women :

One of its early introductions was in a 1978 article titled, "The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention," by psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Dr. Suzanne A. Imes. “Impostor syndrome is a set of beliefs that leave you feeling doubtful of your skills, ability, and whether you deserve to be at the table, and that you will inevitably be exposed as a fraud,” says Dr. Ayanna Abrams, Psy.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist and owner of Ascension Behavioral Health in Atlanta, GA.

 Outside of the clinical look at the process, the whole idea to me brings back memories of my "girls' nights outs." Outside of being scared to death, I kept having the deep seated fear of not belonging. Even though the conversations still involved me and didn't really have any of the mystical gender fantasies I had manufactured in my mind and held onto over the years. In other words, if I could finally make it  into the "woman's" gender sandbox, I could gain so much knowledge. Indirectly I did.

The article goes on to explain how the syndrome is extra difficult for marginalized communities such as the LGBTQ groups to overcome. And, how becoming part of a community can help. 

Agsain, using myself as an example, I think I was able to overcome my idea I was somehow an impostor in the cis woman sandbox because I started to understand many of the cis women respected me for making the transition into being a full time transgender woman.  Even though I still had my detractors in the group, I was overwhelmingly made to feel welcome. 

Once I finally came to the conclusion I could never fully play in the girls sandbox as a native, I had earned my way in as a woman of transgender experience. Once I arrived, I lost the impostor syndrome for good.

To read more, go here.

Searching

 Recently, we had the second Transgender Day of Visibility virtual meeting which I have attended. What is going to happen is the whole month of March is going to provide different transgender visibility topics. 

Early on, I volunteered to lend my ideas on issues facing elderly transgender senior citizens when they face being housed in assisted living  situations. The group thought it was a great idea, especially if I was able to come up with individuals who have experienced it. Of course, it is a tremendously difficult task to find someone who is at the most still alive and able to speak to their experiences.  

So far, along the way I have left messages on the "Trans Ohio", HRC, and two Cincinnati based transgender groups looking for input. So far, I have received nothing back. Which wasn't non expected. 

Ironically,  the only good information I received led me right back to the board I am part of in Dayton called the "Rainbow Elderly Alliance." The former leader of the group was the undisputed expert in the senior citizen LGBT field was the man who tragically just passed away. On the fortunate side, I was able to virtually attend two of his seminars before he passed. It was then decided it would be fine if I was to come as close as I could to re creating one of his seminars. 

The only problem I possibly encountered was a unique one. Nearly half way into the meeting a person from one of the state wide agencies who is very effective in providing transgender mental health and over all health care joined the session. Immediately, he started talking about contacting doctors about the problem which still provides no input into finding someone who is transgender (not gay or lesbian)   in the system. 

For once I kept my mouth shut and didn't sound like a trans elitist and say to the best of my ability the month after all was about transgender visibility, not LGBT as a whole. 

In the meantime, I am still searching for someone in the assisted car system who has the where with all to speak on their issues and maybe more important the way to do it. 

If you are in the Ohio area and have ideas, please let me know.

Trace Lysette

 Even though I had heard of Trace from her work on television, I didn't realize she is from Dayton, Ohio which is very close to my hometown of Springfield. 

Not surprisingly, Trace went through more than a few troubling times to arrive where she is today. Including losing a job at Bloomingdale after she was denied using the women's restroom. 

She underwent successful gender realignment surgery in Thailand and returned to New York to work as a dancer in Manhattan for nearly eight years.

Trace Lysette's big career breakthrough happened when she landed the role of "Shea", a transgender yoga teacher on the "Transparent" series.

Red Head

 This picture was taken back in the winter of 2018 at one of Liz's martial arts award banquets. My hair is as long now but has reverted to it's natural color. At the request of my hair dresser.

 

Munroe Bergdorf

Recently Transgender model Munroe Bergdorf  has taken on the giants of social media. This excerpt comes from "Reuters":

"LONDON, Feb 16 (Thomson Reuters Foundation) - With online abuse pushing her to quit Twitter, transgender model Munroe Bergdorf has called for social media companies to act faster to tackle racism and transphobia on their platforms.

The Black trans model, who said she regularly receives threats and waits hours for racist comments about her to be deleted, called on social media firms to invest in minorities to design algorithms to better protect themselves from abuse.

"If you can censor a nipple and a picture gets taken down with a nipple on it straight away ... then why can't you develop an algorithm that targets transphobic speech or racism?" the London-based model asked the Thomson Reuters Foundation.

"If you're only investing in cis white men, or cis white people, to write the algorithms then there's a huge oversight there when it comes to lived experience and the nuance of hate speech," she said, using a term to describe non-trans people."

Best of luck!

Covid Slippage

 Recently, I have been reading the posts on Paula's Place and Femulate basically concerning wearing high heels and dressing up with no place to go during the pandemic shutdown. 

I literally have not had to worry about wearing heels for years because my feet and ankles are in such bad shape from pounding concrete floors  during my thirty plus years as a restaurant manager. The last time I can remember wearing heels was six or so years ago when Liz and I went to one of the witches' balls which used to be a regular date for us.  It turned out to be agony until I could slip out of my shoes into my nylon covered feet. Also I have a pair of two inch high heeled boots I wore one night...again years ago. The whole experience was ill advised as it was a wet evening and I ended up being seated with Liz at a big table in a winery with several wires from the band I had to negotiate when I got up and went to the restroom. To add insult to injury (almost) my heels took my height to well over six feet, so it seemed the whole room was staring as I walked through.  I did make it without bodily injury and decided since everyone was seemingly noticing me, I would stand up as straight and proud as I could. To this day, I am surprised I didn't slip and embarrass myself.

Not surprisingly,  both Paula and Stana (of Femulate) have written in depth on the effects of how their Mothers' fashions influenced their own. Age has dimmed my thoughts on the subject considerably but I do remember my Mom being in dresses most of the time since she was a high school teacher. Plus, of course, I must have been fascinated at some point by her makeup, since I couldn't wait to try it on me too.

Speaking of makeup and getting dressed up, I must be slipping in Liz's eyes. In fact she has even volunteered to do my makeup and hair someday when we can go out again. 

I guess the "Covid Slippage" may actually be getting to me more than I thought. 

At least I am looking forward to receiving my second vaccine the second week of March. While I am not naïve enough to think life will return to some sort of normalcy,  anything coming close will be appreciated!

Inspiration

 

Ain't no Trans in Heaven??

 In nearly a decade, I think this is the first ultra religious comment I have ever received.  It came from "blessed be9, Catalyst for Christ" :

"I refuse to hate: thats Satan's tactic; however, Im gonna tell you the Truth: when we breathe our last, what do you wish to called? Aint no trans in Heaven; you cannot stay on earth. Seek help. I did. GBY (the most non-threatening piece I have ever wRITTn. Again, I dont hate; I love everyone. I would sooner die for you than see you in any other realm but where Im after your lifelong demise). be@peace."

If the truth be known "blessed" you are the hater. If you weren't, you wouldn't wish the ill will on anyone with gender dysphoria who also happen to be transgender. 

As far as your question goes in what I wish to be called on my death bed is my authentic true feminine name which I have struggled so long to obtain. 

Shame on you for worshiping a false God that hates!  You are right "Ain't no trans in Heaven." We have paid our dues to be decent human beings. We will be just us in Heaven. 

I hope somehow you can turn your life around and make it to heaven yourself.

More "Blind Dates"

Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo which revolved around an idea I picked up from "Emma Holiday" about having a blind date with herself.  I added my own perspective to the post by writing on my early memories of secretly wanting to out my old male self to several of the cis women friends I had made. Fortunately, I was rebuffed in doing such a thing because the women couldn't/didn't want to see any male in me. After reading the post, Connie added her ideas:

" If I ever had a blind date with myself, it was because I was blind to the fact it might have been happening, at all. It had always been such a relief to me when I could express my femininity, which was natural to me, and to lose the masculine façade I spent so much of my time and energy to present. Not that my façade was anywhere near that of a macho man, in the first place, however.

I have always been athletic (slowing down in my old age, now), and I enjoyed being that way. That's not necessarily a masculine trait, but it helped in covering up my femininity. I hated all of the "dirty jobs" that I purposely took on to appear manly, and slithering around in crawl spaces is helpful in forgetting about one's gender (if only temporarily). On the other hand, I was the envy of many of the wives in our circle, as I did a lot of the cooking and cleaning around the house and have always treated my wife like the lady she is. I was the only one who knew that I did all of this because of my hidden feminine-self, and that I was, in a way, living vicariously through my wife.

I had a cross dresser friend who would manipulate encounters with women by showing herself or himself (depending on the current presentation), either by showing pictures or showing up again soon thereafter in the other mode. She/he would always take much delight in doing so, and I was often embarrassed by this when we were out together. I only showed a pic of my worst male-look, complete with scraggly beard, one time. It was to a woman who had only ever known me as the woman I am, and she reacted with horror - not necessarily because it was a most unflattering picture of me, but because, as she told me, she had never thought of me as being anything but a woman. It certainly caused her to gasp, anyway. It also taught me that I don't need to confirm my femininity by comparing myself to the dichotomous male façade that I once wore.

The only way I date myself is by making archaic references. Like, the Twist was a dance from the 60s, and not about my gender identity. :-)"

Thanks for the insight! In some ways I think wanting to show a picture of your male self is just a narcissist's way of fishing for a compliment. Similar to you look good as a woman...for a man.

One of these days I will have to write a post concerning how I felt about going out as a transgender woman to be by myself.

Nicole Gibson

 British transgender actress Nicole Gibson:

A Blast from the Past

 Recently I was surprised to see a post on Facebook from one of my old transgender friends from the earliest days of us exploring the feminine world for the first time. Over the years we have moved far away from each other and she has undergone several surgeries to enhance her appearance as a transgender woman. Her name is Racquel (pictured below).

Interestingly her post concerned several early visits to "straight" venues when we went through unique musical harassments:

" I’m eating a burger at Buffalo Wild Wings. And they just played Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith. And that’s fine. Because if I complained about it the staff would apologize profusely.

Six years ago the world was very different. I would hang out with Cyrsti and people would play Dude Looks Like a Lady on the jukebox just to intimidate us, and there was certainly nobody who cared if we complained."

All of Racquel's memories are unfortunately so true and even she didn't get to witness the night when a group of drunk rednecks kept on playing the mentioned hated song. It got so bad, instead of doing anything about it, the manager just told me to leave. Even though weeks later I was approached in a neighboring venue by a bartender in the banned place and asked to return. It seemed the person who kicked me out got fired for drug abuse. Revenge was mine but the hurt remains, even to this day.

I do agree with Racquel though the world has changed from the "mean" old days but we still have such a long way to go.

I "Stuck to It"

 Well, yesterday was my appointment at the Cincinnati Veterans Hospital to receive my first Covid-19 vaccine. As always, as first experiences go, it was an interesting time.

First of  all, the weather was cold (25 degree's F. )  so I had to plan ahead to make sure I was warmer outside until I arrived at where  I needed to provide a bare arm for the vaccine injection. What I finally decided on was to wear a loose fitting long sleeved sweater over a T-shirt so I could strip off the sweater for the vaccine. 

For the most part, the plan worked relatively well and I only dropped all my paperwork once. So I was able to slip out of my coat and sweater without too much of a problem. 

Overall, I respected the organization of the whole operation. At the door of the main entrance directing traffic was a person I thought was a transgender man, although it was tough to tell since they were wearing a mask. Then came the walk around the hallways until I finally arrived where the vaccines were actually being given. As I was being directed forward, I actually was only mis-gendered by two people out of approximately fifteen. Which I figured wasn't too bad considering how much work I didn't  put into what I was wearing. My sweater coat is not form fitting at all and I just wore jeans and boots. Plus, since I was wearing two masks, the only makeup I wore was on my eyes. 

Knock on wood, the best part so far is the only reaction to the vaccine so far is a slight itching in the arm.  

Plus, the best part is, my second vaccine is already scheduled for thirty days out in March. I was fortunate too it was just cold today as we are expecting close to or over a foot of snow over the the next several days. 

The Last Gasp

 As you make the Mtf Gender Transition, there are certain milestones you must pass as your male self slips away. As it turns out, your male self often fights harder to give up his privilege than others.  I ry remember vividly a few of those moments as I transitioned. 

As often happens, my memory was jogged by reading someone else's  post on the topic. This time it was another by Emma Holiday who I read on the "Medium" format which has been difficult to link to because it is a paid format. Regardless, Emma's post was called "A Blind Date with my Trans Identity." In it she details her first trip to a feminine make over artist and her feelings after the experience.

It turns out I had a similar experience years ago which started my slide towards living full time as my authentic transgender self. 

As I said, this happened years ago when I went to a transvestite "mixer" in nearby Columbus, Ohio.  The evening included a chance at having a professional makeover, if you were brave enough to do it. Finally, after agonizing I decided to hitch up my big girl panties and go for it. Of course the first problem was having to remove my wig and existing makeup. To make a long story short, the makeup up artist was a guy and he did a fabulous job! It was the first time I had seen the real girl me staring back at me from a mirror. Deep down, somehow I knew I could never go home again to being my routine guy self again. Then it was reinforced by a guy approaching me in a venue some of us went to later in the evening.

I had experienced the first of many blind dates with my transgender self.

However, my male self would never go easily and fought totally against my feminine self. Even to the point of him wanting to show himself to a couple cis women I knew who totally were accepting me as a transgender woman. 

Finally it took my relationship with my partner Liz to completely accept my natural self. 

The last gasp took years to get to. Thanks Emma for the memories. 

Emma Holiday

Wrestle Mania

 First of all, I need to send out an apology to all of you who have commented on previous posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. My excuse is, for once I have been busy in my everyday life with Doctor's appointments, completing taxes and other fun filled things to do. 

So, I am going to try to get to a few comments, including the one featuring WWE wrestler Tyler Reks  coming out as transgender. 

Gabbi Tuft Tyler Reks

The first comment comes from "Sara":

"Tyler Reks as I remember was not a big name wrestler and these guys have dreams of making it big, but all too soon fade away... So I was quite surprised to hear you mention this! I checked his bio and sure enough the 1st sentence mentions her female name and pronouns! unfortunately it also mentions her "dead name" because wrestling ring names are often an attention getting stage name, there are only a few that actually use their real name It's not that I doubted what you reported, but it just sounded too good to be true!"

Thanks for checking Sara. I do the best I can to check sources but most of the time it is very difficult.

The next comment from "Connie":

"How does one wrestle in a wig and wearing silicone breast forms? I have enough trouble just doing yard work; bending over, lifting, and perspiring. More than once, I've had to grab my wig as it's been snagged on a limb, not to mention a breast form that slipped out of my bra because it had gotten so slippery from sweat.

John Lithgow played the part of an ex-NFL tight end who was transitioning mtf in "The World According to Garp." His portrayal was, at that time, far from the weirdest thing in that movie. I would hope that it wouldn't seem to be weird, at all, these days.

Who knows, maybe Tom has a desire to be Marsha Brady. He's tried to deflate his balls, anyway. :-)"

For those of you who don't remember, NFL QB Tom Brady was once accused of using deflated footballs to get a better grip and cheated in the process.

As far as having my breasts slip out of their bra, I still have that sensation every now and then even though my breasts are now attached to my body through the miracle of hormone replacement therapy. Also, in the past when I wore wigs, I had the misfortune one night when I ran out of gas and was walking home to have a low hanging tree snag my wig. 

Finally, I am sure if Gabbi Tuft tries to continue to wrestle, she will soon learn how sensitive the breast area becomes and will have to perhaps learn from other women wrestlers how to protect herself.  Could be the least of her problems!

I really appreciate all of your comments!

Lux

 A Chilean actress recently came out as transgender. Her name is Lux Pascal. Here she is:

Passing Confidence

 Recently I received this comment on "passing" from the Cyrtsih@yahoo.com email from Tami:

"It seems that many have different views on the importance of passing, and I won't argue that.  To each their own.  I put high value on it however.  Like many, my initial experiences out in public were guarded. My wig was ok, my makeup just ok, outfit not quite right.  Then I matured, the facial hair was 95% removed, and I grew my hair out.  Already small at 5'9" and 145 lbs at my heaviest.  My dermatologist helped with a little botox and fillers to feminize my facial cues.  (So supportive too!) I took some voice lessons at U of A in Tucson .  It all just came together for me.

I still go to work as male, push my medium length bob back and play it straight.

At a business lunch with a speaker recently, I sat next to a woman at our table of eight women.  I invited her to lunch a few days afterwards.  She had no clue I was trans and said so, when I mentioned it late into our second meeting.  So I don't need to be 'stealth' but if it happens, I let it.  I could share a dozen more stories that warm my heart given the intimacy, good humor, and kind words that were shared. 

I pass now 99% in any setting, and there isn't anywhere I won't go or do confidently.  Friends have said I own the room with my confidence.  I can (and do sometimes), have a bad 'voice moment' and leave someone wondering, but never a discouraging word is heard.  Always a compliment!   I always want to be the best ambassador for trans people and it works.  So the icing on the cake (for me), in passing is the total acceptance from others; the many female friends I have developed long and lasting relationships with.  And, sometimes their husbands too.  I had once thought that other women might only see me as a novelty, and their interest would fade.  It hasn't.  They are remain friends and the circle grows.

So it's the relationships - normal friends and a social life that makes passing rewarding for me and easy for others to befriend me and stick with me."

Thanks so much for the comment! I know another local trans girl who is a "natural" and passes easily. Even to the point of being a wonderful karaoke singer (when there was such a thing!) but she still goes to work as her male self. 

To each their own! 

My own story was a little more complex as I was slightly under six feet tall and weighed over 275 lbs  when I started to transition. I then promptly lost fifty pounds. I too though began to rely on my personality and confidence to gain any "passing" privilege I could.

Former WWE Superstar Comes Out

 For years I have wondered how long it would be before an NFL Football player comes out as a transgender woman. With all the thousands of men who have played (or are playing) the sport, the odds have it a couple have to be trans. After all, several have come out as gay. 

Now, in another sport it seems the transgender barrier has been broken.

Former WWE superstar who wrestled as Tyler Reks has come out as Gabbi Tuft has come out as her authentic self. 

 

She said, I don't expect everyone to agree or understand but it wasn't her place to change any core beliefs. As the outer shell may change, the soul remains the same.

It all makes sense in that so many transgender women seek to over masculinize themselves to over compensate in the world.

Up Date

 I spoke too soon (or wrote) because a couple hours after my meaningless "Robo" call from the VA concerning my Covid vaccine, my phone rang again.

This time there was actually a real person on the  other end waiting to help me make my appointments for both Covid shots. 

So perhaps the best news is I am going on this coming Saturday for the first one which looks like a better day weather wise. The middle of the week, we are supposed to have the infamous snow/ice mixture interspersed with bitter cold.  

The only bad part of the call was, the guy on the other end kept mis-pronouning me. No matter how many times I corrected him. I finally gave up and made sure my name was on the list.

I hope the vaccines are proven to be the beginning of the end of this pandemic madness.

Desperation?

 It's very frustrating when a trip to visit the vampires to have my blood work done becomes such a big deal.

After all though, it was one of the very rare times I have been able to get out of the house these days. I was able to talk Liz into going with me as we had to head north to Dayton to let the vampires do their quick work.

It's my own fault in that essentially I am stuck between two Veteran's Administration hospitals. The first one in Dayton is about an hour and a half away but it is definitely more user friendly than the hospital here in Cincinnati. Plus, it might be my imagination but the Dayton VA seems to be more transgender friendly. 

Be that as it may, as we entered the hospital, we had to be checked in and asked the magical question, "What brings you here today." I so badly wanted to say just to look around or we came just to enjoy the wonderful cafeteria food. Needless to say, I didn't say that and we were allowed to continue our masked journey to where the blood laboratories were taken. 

Very quickly, we were done and making the trip back to Cincinnati.  Since I had fasted for the blood letting, we stated to look for a place to eat on the way back.

Along the way we found one of those infamous fast food strips along the interstate so we left the highway and began our search. Amidst the sprawl was a Popeyes Chicken restaurant. In the past I have eaten at a Popeyes several times but since there isn't one close to our home, I had never tried one of their chicken sandwiches.  I loved my first spicy chicken sandwich and wondered why anyone would ever eat at the hate chicken place, Chick-fil-A.

All too soon after a couple more errands the big day out was over and it was back to covid seclusion to me.   Perhaps a light is coming at the end of the tunnel for me. Sunday in typical VA style I received a robo call from the Cincinnati asking me if I wanted a vaccine. When I pushed the proper number saying I did, the voice came on and told me no one was available to answer my request. I just laughed and thought some things never change in the military...hurry up and wait. 

TDOV

It doesn't seem possible but the days are rolling by and it's time again to plan another Transgender Day of Visibility.   Recently, here in Cincinnati, I was contacted by an acquaintance of mine from the transgender - cross dresser group I participate in every now and then locally. 

For the TDOV issue I was asked if I had any ideas and/or would I participate in the Zoom meetings for virtual planning. After giving it a little thought, I figured the whole subject I could shed some light on was what happens to LGBT individuals when they have to seek out assisted living care facilities later in life. 

As I thought the whole process through a bit farther, I thought how fortunate I was  to have been able to attend two seminars on the LGBT aging subject from the person who not so long ago suddenly passed away. In more than a couple ways, I like to consider him a mentor of sorts. 

Now, if I decide to move forward, I have to come up with how I would present it. 

Girls Night Out

 In my very early days of being out and about as a transgender woman, one of my "bucket list" items was to be included in an authentic girls night out. 

My first happened in 2016 as I was invited by my friend Min to come along. Even though I was thrilled, I was still scared to death.

Most amazingly, I found a picture! I am on the bottom left holding my breath :) The picture was taken by Min's (bottom center) husband Ian. 

Terf's in the UK

 Paula responded to our Cyrsti's Condo post on "Trans excusatory radical feminists" or TERFS in the UK where she lives:

' Yes they are a BIG problem here in the UK, they are a very small but very vocal and very well funded minority, and our media seem to hear and listen to them. For me the idea they embrace of bodily determinism is diametrically opposed to main stream feminism ~ but a lot of people who claim to be feminists really aren't or haven't really thought it all through. They also seem to miss understand what it is they should be fighting, men are not the enemy, the patrimony is. I have been fairly active in both the feminist movement and LGBT+ matters over here so I am well aware of how much of a minority they really are, not all feminists and certainly not all lesbians are TERFs."

Thanks for the response Paula!

Gender Frauds?

 In somewhat of a continuation of the Cyrsti's Condo post on "Terf's", here is another idea I have seen recently which effects transgender women during their lives. 

I have a young transgender woman acquaintance who has shaped herself into a very convincing woman. Even though she has transitioned well, she has what she describes as "impostor syndrome." I think it is another description for gender dysphoria. 

She is quite outspoken about her life and the trials and tribulations of working while trans. For awhile, she was employed as a receptionist at a psychiatric clinic which primarily dealt with transgender patients. Along the way she left that job and decided to re-pursue her educational goals. Along the way too, she worked at a deli and was accepted by everyone except perhaps the worst Terf of all, a religious one. Daily, my friend was subjected to religious reasons she shouldn't be living the life she was. 

Fortunately for her, she escaped the Terf and now is advancing quickly up the ladder of a restaurant chain. Since I worked in the same business for over three decades, I whole heartedly think her personality would be ideal for the job. 

I just hope her "imposter syndrome" doesn't reoccur and get the best of her .  We all have to remember we are never gender frauds. Human beings rarely exist on the well worn gender binary. There are more than two genders. Sooner more than later, narrow minded bigots in society will have to work their way through it. Similar to the current waves of Republican bills in state legislatures around the country seeking to curtail  transgender representation in sports all the way to bills against youthful medical transgender transition. This time around, we have the groundwork in place to fight back.

Always remember...Instead of gender frauds, we are the true gender survivors.

Terf's

Do you know what a "Terf" is, or what it means?

To put it simply, a Terf is a cis woman who dislikes transgender women  First of all, here's how the name came to be. It is the abbreviation for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism. Essentially the idea it is impossible for a person assigned a specific gender at birth to transition and occupy the space of another gender. They take it as far as seeing it  as an invasion all over again from the patriarchy and essentially raping women again. 

In their neat conceptual world, men are the predators and women are the prey. To introduce any form of a transgender woman is an attack on feminism everywhere in addition to trans males being a threat to butch lesbians.

I would have to ask Paula for sure but I think Terf's are more publicized in Great Britain where Paula is from. However, a few years ago I was confronted by gender rejection at a lesbian Valentine's Dance Liz and I went to here in Cincinnati. You could definitely refer to the person who literally sought me out to harass me as a Terf. 

I was minding my own business waiting for Liz to rejoin me with a few appetizers when this lesbian approached and started to ask me about what my "real" name was. Unfortunately, I hadn't had my name legally changed yet to produce my driver's license.  By the time Liz returned, the bitch had disappeared again into the crowd. 

Being the glutton for punishment I was back in those days, I even tried to join Liz's lesbian meet up group which put on the dance. Naturally I was rejected for being transgender and not a "real" woman. Shortly after that, Liz left the group, 

Since essentially, my feminine upbringing was helped along by cis women lesbians, I know all lesbians aren't Terf's. Plus, naively I have always felt the more the better when it comes to any form of human movements. In other words, I don't understand why cis women Terf's wouldn't want transgender women involved in their search for equality in gender rights. After all, we have seen the gender world  from both sides and made our choice to leave our male privileges behind. 

In the meantime, I will forever remember the time I was gender slurred and attacked by a Terf. 

Back in my "Howling" Days

 I still love Paula's comment about how many of us novice transgender women go through an early phase when we could be referred to as "Howlers." Referring of course to fashion mistakes which usually are related to trying to dress as a teen aged girl when we are much older. Connie then added "Growlers" (seen below) to the post in a comment.

Back in the day, I was guilty of abusing both. I cringe now when I think back of a few of the ridiculous outfits I managed to put together and then go out in public. Then, to add insult to injury, I would try to find "liquid courage" by drinking mega amounts of beer along with the occasional shot. 

Both of which I was recently reminded of when an old acquaintance of mine's birthday showed up on Facebook. What happened was one of the venues I was going to I thought was safely out of my home town enough to hide my gender secret. In fact, it was a big sports bar and one of the first places I went to and began to establish my own feminine persona.   

I increasingly felt secure in going there until one day when I walked in, sat down and was immediately surprised by the person I knew so well. It turns out she was training to be a bartender there. For awhile she played it cool and never said anything so I wondered if she even knew, until one day she said "Don't I know you?" Of course by then, it was too late to try to lie my way out of it and I said yes. 

Over the duration of time she worked there, I don't believe she told any of the people who happened to overlap our circle of friends about our "secret." From there, life went on and she graduated college, got married and moved away. 

My only regret is she had to witness the "Howler and Growler" period of my life as I started to explore living as a transgender woman. 

She lives many miles away now and it's doubtful I will ever see her again anyhow but it's just another part of my past which haunts me.

Another Month

 All of a sudden it seems, the first month of 2021 has come and gone. I'm not happy to report, the month of January has been more of the same. 

In fact, the only time I have been out of the house was to take one of our very sick cats to the veterinarian for help that never came. He had to to be put down sadly, as he was declining quickly. So you can tell, the trip was far from a social one.  To make matters worse, we even backed out on going on a paranormal ghost hunting trip in a nearby town in Kentucky in an old opera house. We weren't worried about the catching the "Covid" from the ghosts but didn't really trust the so called safety measures by the organizer.

I know I am fortunate in that I really don't need much feedback to reinforce my authentic gender. Even so, public feedback helps my gender dysphoria, especially if it is positive (of course.)  

The light at the end of the tunnel is the vaccine. Which for me should be available in the coming weeks. The way I am looking at getting stabbed is, in order for me to get both shots, it will at least take another two months.

To put it all in perspective, when March rolls around, Liz and I have only been out to socialize at all three times in the year gone by.

The way I look at it too, I will not take it for granted when I get to go out in the public again. 

Fiona Feng

 Meet Fiona Feng who currently lives in Ireland and is a self described "woman of transgender experience". She is one of the writers I follow on Medium. 

Lady and the Dale

 From NPR:

"The Lady and the Dale, a new HBO documentary miniseries co-directed by Nick Cammilleri and Zackary Drucker, has been promoted by the network with most of its secrets held in check. Tune in to this nonfiction biography series, the promos suggest, and learn the tale of a female automobile executive who took on the Detroit automakers and tried to market a gas-efficient car in the 1970s, at the height of the oil crisis."

"The Lady and the Dale has the flavor and momentum of Catch Me if You Can, that Steven Spielberg movie with Tom Hanks on the trail of a teenage con man played by Leonardo DiCaprio. But before the first episode is over, Jerry comes out as a trans woman and changes her name to Elizabeth Carmichael. The kids are raised to call Liz mom and the series goes on from there, with Liz starting the 20th Century Motor Company and introducing the Dale.

Eventually, Liz is arrested for fraud, and goes on trial to defend the lack of production of the Dale. But in the '70s, with transgender issues so relatively unfamiliar and widely misunderstood, she goes on trial in other ways, too — especially in the media."

For more, go here.