As you make the Mtf Gender Transition, there are certain milestones you must pass as your male self slips away. As it turns out, your male self often fights harder to give up his privilege than others. I ry remember vividly a few of those moments as I transitioned.
As often happens, my memory was jogged by reading someone else's post on the topic. This time it was another by Emma Holiday who I read on the "Medium" format which has been difficult to link to because it is a paid format. Regardless, Emma's post was called "A Blind Date with my Trans Identity." In it she details her first trip to a feminine make over artist and her feelings after the experience.
It turns out I had a similar experience years ago which started my slide towards living full time as my authentic transgender self.
As I said, this happened years ago when I went to a transvestite "mixer" in nearby Columbus, Ohio. The evening included a chance at having a professional makeover, if you were brave enough to do it. Finally, after agonizing I decided to hitch up my big girl panties and go for it. Of course the first problem was having to remove my wig and existing makeup. To make a long story short, the makeup up artist was a guy and he did a fabulous job! It was the first time I had seen the real girl me staring back at me from a mirror. Deep down, somehow I knew I could never go home again to being my routine guy self again. Then it was reinforced by a guy approaching me in a venue some of us went to later in the evening.
I had experienced the first of many blind dates with my transgender self.
However, my male self would never go easily and fought totally against my feminine self. Even to the point of him wanting to show himself to a couple cis women I knew who totally were accepting me as a transgender woman.
Finally it took my relationship with my partner Liz to completely accept my natural self.
The last gasp took years to get to. Thanks Emma for the memories.