Sunday, July 31, 2011

I'm One of You and One of Them

Is there an easy answer to "what's your story"?
I've considered this answer. "I'm one of you and one of them."
Quick, concise and to the point. Right?
If I'm talking to either gender it's true.
I'm one of you and one of them.
Any other questions?

The Russians Are Coming!

This is part two of my last post.
On the same day I had the "connection" with the gay guy in guy drag, this happened to me at night.
I headed to my current "fave" spot. Very early into the evening,  one of the "other" sorority girls had enough "liquid" courage to sit down next to me and ask the magic question...what is your story?
I have seen her many times but never understood how close she was to the "ruling Alpha Females" in the pub...including the one who got me banned from the women's room
My immediate answer was "you ask me questions" what do you want to know?
As she fooled with my hair and dabbed at my eye makeup, the only real question again was the use of the restroom.
It turns out (according to her) some of the *sorority sisters have a problem with my restroom choice when they get a little intoxicated. I didn't mention the woman is Russian and consumed two shots of liquor and a beer in the short time she talked to me! In her thick Russian accent she said she didn't care but some of the others were not so liberal and were very narrow minded Ohio girls. (I need to throw Oklahoma under the bus here, because I know at least one is from there).
I kept trying to impress upon her how happy I was she took the time to talk to me and attempted to get to know me.  I had hoped to do that with the rest of the sisters.
Several very important things could come of this. First and foremost maybe I made another friend in the group. IF she remembers any of the conversation. Some night I want to gather my courage and sit down with the group and have a chat.
My fear is the rest room discrimination card is still very much in play here. If I never had to use it that would be fine but that is not possible.
I considered not going back for awhile. Then again, why should I penalize myself for a couple others feelings and I am sooo tired of running. I like the place!
I know I'm a curiosity but I don't want to be a distraction and definitely don't want to be a problem! 
Maybe nothing will happen and hopefully I will find the courage to chat with the sorority,
Time will tell and it is moving at "warp" speed!

*The group has nothing to do with a real sorority.  I use the term to describe the female gender as a whole and their reaction to a transgender woman. In this case a group of 4 to 5 regular single females in the pub who hand out together.

Gay/Transdar?

Recently I have found myself in social situations with a couple of gay men. It all happened at work or at a store while I was in guy drag.
This is all so interesting because I have never had a total sexual experience with a guy...ever.  To my knowledge, I have never been remotely "socialized" by a gay man. What I mean is any more interaction than normal pleasantries. Somehow this is more.
Why? I can only guess my recent dealings with men has opened me up on a different level that gay guys pick up on. Somehow the one yesterday did.
I would have never have  predicted my life may go this direction.  Three years ago (as I have mentioned many times) I considered myself at the least...a transgendered lesbian.
Today (if you are into labels) I consider myself a very curious transgendered girl. 
The whole feeling is one of liberation at the least and freedom at the best!
My next post will delve farther into all of this and why I can't be making any of this up!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Transgendered Actresses Playing Trangendered Roles!

The "New York Times" recently featured several transgendered actresses in an article called "When They Play Women, It's Not Just An Act." Pictured above is Harmony Santana who stars in “Gun Hill Road”
One of the other featured actresses is "Laverne Cox" pictured above who has being living as a female since the late 90's and was a star on VH1's reality show , “Transform Me.”

Now What Part 28!

Again, I was going out for a quick evening...
Big, long and hot days coming up
No such luck. First there was "Orlando". I persuaded  him I was texting my mean big boyfriend and he was on his way.
Next was the girl who wanted to dance with me...in a sports bar.
Finally, in my own hometown. I figured I would encounter the usual BS encounters.
Not tonite! I was there for around ten minutes or so. Two guys walked up and the one asked if the seat next to me was open.
I said "sure" and the older man sat down next to me and proceeded to not leave me alone, He was cool and we shared many experiences.
Eye to eye we talked and he said or indicated not a word about me being trans.
The frustrating part is  I don't know why  I went through an entire evening being female accepted.
Looks? Maybe?
Confidence, probably. Definitely the evening will be revisited!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Enjoy!

ARIANDA SODI from Chile.  No hormones or surgery. Then again Barry Bonds never took steroids!

Awkward Moment

I have been doing quite a bit of work around the house this week and have had to spent too much extra time in male drag.
As a favor, I dropped off a grille to a friend who owns a small tavern for his annual fish fry.
Of course I had to enjoy a quick one before taking off.
In walks a guy who has seen the real me. I've often wondered if he knew and always assumed he did. (The real me has never been in the tavern)
He didn't stay long but I did have a chance to buy him a beer. He always buys me one in male drag and even one night as my real self.
It's interesting in that I've never really seen him with a girl and he touched my shoulder on the way by.
The awkward moment came when he tried to leave and was going to hug me. I thought a handshake was better.
I'm guessing I'm already out to him!

Bringing Back The Hit's

Life has been so hectic this week that I haven't had much time to play or even write about it. I have however, manged to meet some new and interesting people from both genders. Several of which don't totally understand who I really am.

Taking all of that into consideration and with everything in my life zooming along at warp speed, this post seemed to be appropriate.

"Trans" Got Your Tongue?

Suddenly you find yourself beside or very close to a transgender person. Now what?

You want to say something but don't know where to start
The dynamics of starting a conversation are very complex! You've already figured we are not contagious or harmful. The hard part is over.
Three things could be in your mind. Number one, you are just curious. Why does a person want to change a perfectly good gender?
Number two, you want to expand your experiences. You want to add a transgender conversation into your life experiences. Unfortunately, this usually includes the process of telling all your friends! Hey! Guess what I did?
Number three, you assume the trans person is lonely. You are just being nice!
All three of these reasons are absolutely rational reasons! Curiosity is fine. Just try to be careful with really crazy questions. I do understand though you have no idea what a crazy question is. I'm patient!
Expanding your experiences is fine. Just don't make us the spectacle to do it. Don't be the first of your whole group to have enough courage to speak then go back and have the others "slink" up or worse yet "snicker" at us from across the room.
The assumption we are lonely is as false as the assumption we are all promiscuous. On the other hand a light conversation is usually always welcome.
My assumption is you are a genetic female if you are interacting with me at all. Men just have too many gender bridges to cross to approach us. If they do, the worst are the guys who want to call you "man" or "dude" and want to give you the knuckle buster male power handshake. Rare is the man who is secure enough in himself to converse with us. I'm really insecure with guys. First i have to find out if they know I'm trans and then try to figure out where they are going! I'm not one of the Trans Girl "male bashers" you hear so much about. It's just reality.
I can't speak for the rest of the transgender female community but I welcome approaches on several different levels.
I have no problem on explaining to you what I am. If I have the courage to express my true self and you have the courage to ask me... I will do my best to educate you.
I love to talk fashion with you and even guys and sports too! On the other hand if we appear to be unfriendly it is just that we are really shy and we have to wait for you to make the first move!
The approaches I hate are the "carnival" views and the "guy" bashing. Sure, I'm very different in many eyes but have some respect. I'm sure there are some skeletons dancing around in your closet. The difference is that this isn't my closet. It's my life.
As far you insecure guys go , please don't take it out on me. I know you have that pretty dress hidden at home. Hope it fits!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Want's Versus Need's

We haven't really covered much of the Transsexual vs Transgender discussion.
I am very sure I don't fall into the transsexual category for one major reason. I want to live as a girl. I don't have to.
Nothing told me when I was seven that I was a girl. Something did tell me at 10 I was very different. Life went on and signposts slowly were pointing me towards my female side.
Comments such as "you look better as a girl"  made me want more.  The trial and error learning process of living female in the public's eye left me wanting still more.
So what came first. The want or the need?
I can tell you the want has allowed me to feel deeply satisfied in the female role.  Do I need to?  I'm sure if you took the opportunity to live female away tomorrow; I'm certain I would need to.
Does it matter? No, not really in the scope of life. I do wonder sometimes how the transsexual tag fits me.
Then again, I'm probably the only one. My circle of friends don't seem to care.
So if no one cares... just forget I brought this up! lol

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Catching Up

Hi friends, just wanted to catch up on the week.  The weather is been very hot and humid in my part of the world.
So bad as a matter of fact that some of my faves closed early last night from lack of business.
The challenge of course is to be able to dress for the heat and not melt.
I'm not exactly sure, but this summer I seem to melt less and my makeup stays put. I have finally found a foundation I use which covers well with less.
The fun part of the summer is I have been able to put together several new outfits. Always a major problem.
I believe I have told you I can not shave my arms so covering them is a problem. The solution has been several several very light weight tops that I wear over bras and halter tops or even nothing at all. I have been able to finally highlight a woman's best fashion accessory in the summer...skin.
Flip flops, bare legs and a short flared skirt are fun to wear and help to cool a warm evening. My diet has served me well in that I can open my top to the air with a flat tummy.
I don't tan well and the thought of tanning beds sends me into shock so  I use a "skin glow" product which is a lotion that softens and gives the skin a warm glow.
So the hottest week of the year around here has been quite the learning experience!
Will I miss it when it goes? No! Will I remember the fun? Yes!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Yet Another Transgendered Model!

26 year old Nikkley Chawla is making a bid to be the next well known transgender model.
She is busy doing Indian and international ramp shows and will next be seen on a popular reality show. 
 Chawla's story is very typical.  Her journey hasn’t been easy. “I come from a orthodox family and they did not talk to me for five years when I told them I wanted a sex change. I went through hell. I never had a good life as a man.”

She Won!

The landslide winner of a radio station's controversial breast implant contest is a transgender Calgarian. Avery is the winner of a Calgary radio station's breast implant contest. Avery is the winner of a Calgary radio station's breast implant contest. (Amp Radio)
The winner of the Amp Radio contest, named by the station only as a musician called Avery, tallied 76 per cent of 30,000 online votes.
Good job!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What It Feels Like To Be A Girl

Good question. I know what it is to be me.
I can tell you the dynamics of the clothes and where the breeze caresses your body in new and exciting places.
I can assume a woman gets used to all of that.
Certainly I will never be able to feel the birthing process or menstrual periods.
Many women though, never go through child birth and if I embark upon the hormone journey I may feel some of effects of overdosing on female hormones.
Actually, I'm teasing with you with much of this. If an editor of a certain trans magazine and I can come to an agreement; I may being writing a much longer article on this subject. (or most certainly on another)
I will never be able to tell you how it feels to be a girl. I can tell you very precisely how feminine I feel.
Then again the transgender community wants to tell me how I'm allowed to feel.
Have you seen any of the endless arguments about what is female?
In a typical male fashion, many transsexuals set standards of feminity. All of the sudden if you didn't open your first Barbie until you were 12 or did not subject yourself to thousands of dollars worth of operations...you can't really feel female.
Before I start an inane rant on a topic with no answer, feeling like a girl to me is admission to a sorority. More later!
Cyrsti

This "Bud's" for You!

Tonight I got called "Bud" in the women's room of one my fave spots. Not in the beer (Budweiser) sense...but the male name. I managed to control myself until the two women left.
I know one by name and the other by looks only. She looks suspiciously like the woman who got my rest room pass revoked years ago.
I thought, should I leave it alone or talk to her?
The problem was she was very intoxicated  and may not remember much of what we had to say anyway, so I  left it alone.
Later on in the evening I had to use the room before heading home. As luck would have it the other woman was back in the the bathroom,
Not one to be quiet , I said to her"why did your friend call me Bud?" She said "aren't you the one whose wife died?" Damn!
To make a long story short, I guess my history still precedes me. It's difficult to believe but I have been going there for close to 4 years now.
I did just lose my wife and I was very confused about life all together. One of the very unwise (stupid) things I did was go to a couple of the same places as a guy and a girl to see if I could. Well, I couldn't there and was immediately busted one night by one of the bartenders when I was in guy drag. Of course I went a step further and told her a little about my immediate life. Truthfully, I was so lost I didn't care.
Then came the experiment period when I changed hair colors and styles more than "Lady Gaga".
So realistically these women still see me as a guy who was married and visits in women's clothes.
I told her yes that's me...but not the same me and I would love to talk to all of them.
Keeping this all in perspective is tough, In grained reactions tell me maybe they are right. I am the same guy in women's clothes. Reality then sets in and I know I'm not.
The interesting part will be how well I can explain it to them.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Another Sorority Visit

I posted a very short response to the date I went on a week or so ago. Out of respect to him (since he reads the blog) I wait to post before I chat with him and will not go too deep! He turned out to be tall, attractive and intelligent! (He even turned out to be a wonderful singer.)
The two of us have chatted about what happened after the date. (He doesn't live around here)
Immediately the women I know in the pub treated me different.  Of course, they were typical females in that they were saying it all with their yes. I was non typical in that I wouldn't talk about it!
Most of them work there so they weren't in a position to say anything and the one that will has gone on vacation, Her return should be fun!
If there is a bottom line, I suppose I have climbed another rung on the real person ladder. The women who were hesitant to let me in their sorority opened the door.
I became more than just a trans girl who comes in and enjoys the music, sports and trivia. I normally just speak when spoken to.
As we know women are more into people and relationships and all of this placed me directly into their arena. All of the sudden the man discussion includes me as a woman!
I know I've mentioned I didn't know how much girl I have inside.  I do now...again.
The difference is I don't have to carry off being a girl. Increasingly I have to carry off being a guy.
It's all so exciting and scary at the same time.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Quote of The Week!

"He's a man who is fundamentally a woman." I heard the quote in a movie called Kinky Boots
The movie is an independent film from 2005.  A man inherits a failing conservative shoe factory from his Dad in England.
By accident he ends up helping a drag queen getting beat up out side of a club.  The two form sort of a bond and the idea of manufacturing a line of boots and shoes for performers etc comes to fruitiion.
Slowly, the factory workers come to accept the idea and the person behind it.
The link above will direct you to a YouTube trailer on the movie.
Worth a check if you haven't seen it!
Cyrsti

A Moment inTime

We always remember moments when our life seems to freeze. Everything stops.
I will age myself and tell you one of my moments.  I was walking down a hall at school and I heard JFK had been assassinated.  I was young but I knew deep down inside the moment had to be huge.
People say your life flashes in front of your eyes when you die. Maybe we  experience the same feelings when we are still among the living.
Time stood still for me the other night and I believe I was still alive.lol.
I was back at the pub where I had the date  for the first time. I was passing the time watching my favorite ball team win and winding down from a long day at work.
Four guys came in and sat down in an area on the way to the patio and restrooms. A couple of them seemingly were paying me some attention. Finally I had to use the restroom and knew I had to pass through them to do it. I was able to time my trip to "the room" when they were preoccupied with another couple women. So far so good.
On the way back however the four were not preoccupied. As I moved past them, they went silent as they turned to watch me move by.
No comments, no laughs no nothing. I made my way back to my seat wondering how time had just stood absolutely still. I had no idea what they they thought. The whole episode was in slow motion.
I then thought about what I call Janie's theory." You can pass as a woman but maybe an unattractive woman. I personally would rather someone say, ‘Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s a guy or a girl, but damn, that person’s attractive…. Why am I attracted to that person?’
About that time a player hit a walk off two run homer and won the game  for my team and a very attractive young man was showing too much interest in my pizza. So the moment was gone.
I wonder today if the moment gets lodged for the final "life tour" before I pass and who decides the rankings?



Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Coming Soon


'Born Male, Living Female' Special Airs 7/16 on The Style Network.

 Tune in for the thought provoking new documentary special "Born Male, Living Female" airing this Saturday, July 16 at 9p ET/PT on The Style Network. Photo of Nina – Marco Ovando

 

Help A Sister Out!

This is from Calgary., The Breast Summer Ever 
A local radio station is promoting a contest with a breast job as a prize.
One of the contestants is actually a transgendered girl "Avery". You can go to the site and vote for her!

Innocence Lost

A friend of mine and I have been exchanging reminiscences. Strong memories of our initial excitement of life on the gender frontier.
Here's just a sample from her. " Back in the day, just as my divorce from my first wife was in progress, I used to go to this club downtown  that had male dancers upstairs in the disco bar on Sunday nights. I, like a lot of guys, would go downstairs to a quieter bar that, once the show upstairs was over was the next stop for a lot of the tipsy/drunk horny ladies of all ages, sizes, colors and in some cases species!! Talk about shooting fish in a barrel!!!!"
My memories of shooting or being shot at are as clear as if they happened yesterday.
Back in the day, smoking was permitted in the clubs we went to.  Visualize a mix of genders in a dark smoky room with loud throbbing music and light shows.
The best part if I never quite new on occasion what gender was interested for what reason. I never really knew if that beautiful woman really was born that way and what did that butch really think of me? It was all so exciting.
Certainly I am more accomplished in my gender journey and if the truth be known I am too old to enjoy those clubs anymore. Every now and then I do feel some of the old excitement with a new connection here and there. BUT "it is what it is"! lol I've been waiting years to write that.
My friend ended her message with "those were the days!"  In many ways I agree!


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Washed Out!

We experienced a real storm last night in my part of the world.
Being the stubborn person I am (determined) I just wanted to go the 10 yards or so to stop in to one of my faves.
As I tried to hustle in...my flip flops gave it up in the running water! I mean both of them broke!
Now what? I knew I wasn't allowed in to the place without footwear.
I gathered myself and headed back to my car and headed home. The problem was I wasn't ready to go or stay home.
Should I try to stop at a store and buy another pair of flips (again barefooted) or try to barefoot it across my long back yard. 
I decided to take the home route as the storm had subsided.
I made it OK finally, wet hair, clothes and all.
The whole experience just turned out to be another female lesson!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Transgender Fiction

Yet another layer of our transgendered culture is transgendered fiction. I've seen it on occasion and even downloaded an on line book at one occasion.
I equate transgender fiction with a frustrated non practicing crossdresser who wants to spend some time with me. I don't say this negatively. If we are stuck deeply in a closet outlets are needed. In addition, I love to meet good people in our culture and if in any way I can help is good karma!
Meeting a practicing "out" transgendered girl such as myself or reading transgendered fiction serve a basic need.
I'm passing along a fictionalized story based on the short lived "Ask Harriet" TV show.
It is called Ask Harriet:Disguise in love with you .
Being able to easily locate and read transgendered fiction is yet another positive influence of the internet. At least now the closet has access to the world wide web and that's a good thing!

Favorite Fantasy?

Two Japanese male servers preparing for a shift.
Every once in a while a story surfaces abut a bar or restaurant where the servers are men working as women.
How much fun would that be? Or would it?
I'm sure the workers would have many amazing stories of the reactions they receive.
Even more fun would be to work in  a place where no one knew.  Interaction with the staff would be classic!
Somewhere in the very dim recesses of my noggin, I seem to remember a short lived series on one of the cable networks that focused on two men. They were made over into a couple fairly attractive women and sent out to work.
One ended up in professional attire in an office setting. The other behind a bar I think. I've worked in the hospitality industry before and know what many females go through behind the bar. The "rookie" behind the bar was attractive enough to surely earn some positive comments.
Unfortunately, I never was able to see the whole show.
I'm sure the end result was the men spoke of what a different learning experience it was being women. I think we all know that. I'm sure at the end of the day the "office girl" commented on the experience of wearing heels all day.
Obviously, I've been lucky enough to"experience" most of my fantasies. If you see me behind the bar say Hi!


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Girl's Night Out!

It seems when I want change to occur just write it about it here.
Several posts ago I wrote about my recent attraction to male attention and them to me.
Last night of course that all changed.
One woman gave me her phone number and two others just wanted to meet.
I also did have a couple drunk guys fool around like drunk guys do. Maybe there was a full moon somewhere. Well it found me!
Maybe it was my new strapless top. OK, not so new, I just wore it without a bra. For the first time ever I ventured out without a bra or padding. I probably have small "A " cup size breasts without hormones.  I really liked the look and it was very cool on  a hot and humid evening.
I've never been one to tape and bind and enjoy the feel of the clothes so the look was a plus. Most importantly I was able to follow my motto "Own what you wear".
I threw my shoulders back and was proud of  my "little A's" lol!
Now what do I say if I call the woman who gave me her number?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Film Critic Cyrsti!

"Gun Hill Road" has been chosen to kickoff the 2011 version of LA's oldest film festival.
The drama  marks the directorial debut of actor Rashaad Ernesto Green. Esai Morales stars as a dad who, after three years in prison, returns home to find that his teenage son has become a transgender woman, played by real-life transgender female Harmony Santana (pictured).

Actually it would be nice if this picture comes close enough to my part of the world to be a critic.
Santana was just starting her transition and was an ideal person to play the part. She needed to play both male and female in the film and was just beginning her development and.... what a wonderful name!!!!

A Man's Woman?

Used to think I enjoyed the company of women more than men.
Now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm one of those women who doesn't have many female friends or doesn't like other women? Why?
Lately I've been craving interacting with a guy as a girl.  Feeling the passions of his life.Certainly this is not the first time I have thought this way. BUT
Just the thought of all this confuses even me!
A trans girl who wants to be one of the boys? Really?
Maybe this is coming from the amount of time I'm spending recently at work with women. In guy drag.
I found myself thinking "Wow I need some time with another guy to find my sanity!" BUT this is how it spins. I want to spend it with them as a girl. Maybe the whole idea is not so rare?
I have known women who feel their gender drowns in drama. They hate the "passive aggressive" nature of females as a whole. They prefer hanging out with guys.
Sure I'm speaking in broad generalizations. No matter how much it is denied, there is always a dose of sexual tension between the genders.
On the other hand, we have all known women in our life who function very smoothly with men, sexual or not.
At this moment that seems to be a very comfortable place!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Time to Process?

Met a real live man tonite. One with a personality and even a sense of humor.
He is a man's man with macho hobbies and all.
We met at one of my regular spots and the bartender who was working is one of the few remaining people anywhere who has seen me both ways.
So,I knew she was taking great interest in my "date"
We went our separate ways and he left first, kiss and all. As I sat for a second and collected my thoughts, the bartender came by and asked how everything was.
I could only say "great, I'm just trying to process the evening.
Maybe I could have said I needed a second to find my way down from cloud nine!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

On the Horizon

I know things have been a little quiet around here in the "condo".
I have taken the creative energy to do a little work on my "how to" book.
It's called the "common man's" guide to becoming a girl.  I know what you are thinking. "Not another how to book"!
Before you throw it in the trash, here's my angle. My niche.
The guide will be aimed at the novice crossdresser attempting to navigate her way through a confusing gender minefield.
Most of the so called help guides I've seen start with a very pretty boy with a thin body.  He of course transforms into a gorgeous female.
What about the rest of us? The ones who can't afford or can't sacrifice family and loved ones while they make the most important decision of their life?.
What about the rest of us who have to work very hard to present female.
I have a real problem with self discipline and organizational "stuff" so my guide may be a work in progress for awhile!
Just wanted to let you know what was going on, other than a bra less look I'm working on!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Transgender Love Scene Coming To The Small Screen

From TV Guide and William Keck, the Hung series will take a transgender turn.
Ray Drecker, the male prostitute played by Thomas Jane will bed down with transgender beauty Jamie Clayton.
 Initially, Jane was not so sure of the idea. "When Thomas first got wind of Ray's new adventures, "the idea of kissing a man was not a comfortable one for him, but he did great," says creator Colette Burson, who is exploring the possibility of making Kyla Ray's full-time girlfriend in Season 4. "They had to kiss for hours. After his initial shyness, she became a woman for him."

Any insecurities Thomas had disappeared when he arrived on set. "I asked, 'So where's the guy?' and was told, 'That's her!'" he told me at the 2011 Saturn Awards. "There was this beautiful girl who blew me away."
Agreed!.

Independence Day!

Happy Fourth of July to all in my part of the world. I've touched on what independence means to all of us.
Thanks to all of you transgendered veterans who helped make our independence possible.
Most of us know others who paid the ultimate sacrifice... trans or not.
Happily, it now looks the Veteran's Administration has recognized our needs and is moving to address them.
Have a safe a good 4th!!!!!!!!!
Cyrsti

One Year Ago!

It is very hard for me to believe I can go back on the blog now and see what I was up to a year ago.  Have I learned anything or not?
Here is one of those posts I would like to share:

"Becoming transgenderized takes a lot of work!
In my little corner of the world the heat and humidity has returned- along with the need for cool summer fashion.
The transgenderized process becomes a bigger challenge. Obviously  body hair is a priority along with foot and toe nail maintenance. No winter jeans, sweaters and boots to cover imperfections.
Fortunately, I've been able to put together some outfits that have presented well.
No matter how you present and how complete the transgenderized process becomes, you still have to exude the confidence to enjoy the process. There is nothing wrong with me!
One very good way to build your confidence is with the "sun glass" game.(Or destroy it)
Put on your best outfit and your sharpest sun glasses and head for people.  My choice was Friday about 6:30 at an outdoor upscale mall.
No big secret to the process. I could observe everyones reaction to me young and old, male and female.
Would all or none recognize I was a transgenderized person?
Friday, I'm happy to say was a huge success.  I got nothing from the public. Window shopped the mall and made my two pub stops.
The only contacts who knew my background were my regular bartenders.  Seemingly, the better I present, the more fun they have with our "secret".
When this happens to you it is the time to push your boundaries and build your confidence!
Work on your voice and interact more with others. Reach out to them!  Regular contacts will view you more as a person!
If by chance you didn't present so well go back to the drawing board! Unfortunately, trial and error has been my drawing board.
So many problems with so many looks starting with the hair. I really don't want to tell you the number of different wigs  I have accumulated!
I have one I call the "suicide" blond. I dearly love it! Streaked highlights and great volume. It's fun hair.  BUT:
If I wear it I'm way more likely to be read. I learned the hard way!
I fight a constant battle with my transgenderized self. She needs to stay within herself.
When she does the world is a much better place!"

The first thought that stands out to me was that I was looking for reaction to me.  These days I don't. Of course I'm always searching for that perfect outfit to look my best! What woman shouldn't? Overall though, I have made huge strides feeling comfortable who I am in my chosen gender.
Throw out my blond debacle a couple months ago and I have followed much of my own advice. Certainly the year has made a huge difference...mostly mental.
As my interior female has enjoyed her chance to grow, life has become incredibly more enjoyable.
I can only guess what next years post will say!

Woman's Best Friend?

I have two dogs who are very close to me. As dogs do, they give unconditional love. I needed their love during some very difficult times in my life.
A friend of mine asked me several months ago if the two reacted different to the two me's.
Good question and the answer is yes.
Both are partial to the male me which is not surprising  He takes them for rides, feeds them and gives them more attention.
When she starts to get dressed they disappear.
It is very easy to give dogs too much credit. Sure they are keen observers of humans but I'm not so sure they are capable of reasoning why she's a bitch and won't treat them to the moments they enjoy.
What they don't understand their combined weight of over 160 pounds does not put them into the stylish "Pocket Pooch" status. They don't understand I cant risk them doing something crazy my girl self can't control. Yet.
So for the time being they will have to keep thinking I'm just the bitch who takes over quite a bit.
Then again, dogs can be bribed and maybe it's time for her to do it!
It will be their little moment of transition.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Donna Milo

You may remember Donna Milo. She is the conservative Republic transwoman who is running for congress from Florida. It seems Donna has some inconsistencies in her campaign according to Queerty
As you can imagine, some of us have watched her campaign with some interest.
Regardless of how you feel about her, you have to love this excerpt from Queerty:
"Milo married her sweetheart (a woman) at age 19 and had two kids. That means that Milo—who transitioned from male-to-female via surgery sometime after becoming a spouse and parent—considered herself a woman when she married her wife; that is, she got gay married, something she’s now against. Ironically, if Milo tried to remarry Florida courts wouldn’t allow her to marry a man because they only take into account your biological gender at birth. So if Ms. Milo wanted to remarry in Florida, she’d have to marry a woman—gay marriage, something she’s against.
It’s important to point out this hilarious contradiction because it highlights what makes Milo such a horrible candidate for Congress. She’s a teabaggy mix of Conservative contradictions who supports ENDA (because her trans-ass could be fired from Congress with no legal recourse otherwise) but is against giving LGBTs other marriage and parental rights. She’s benefited from the same sorts of entitlements she’s now against and that glaring oversight makes her not only a poor congressional candidate, but one who would work hard to make sure none of us ever get married or have kids. Even though she got to do both."
Of course, being a politician (trans or not) Milo is saying she is not against gay marriage... As such.
I believe it is totally feasible to be a conservative trans person. I am one myself in many areas.
In Milo's case, she certainly had to see this one coming which makes her just another slippery politician.
My disclaimer here is I am only presenting one side of the story and coming up with a conclusion dissenting opinions will be given equal space! lol

Legs and Hair

The look of the night last night was fun-fun -fun! As luck would have it, I enjoyed lavish attention from male bartenders all night long.
A close leg shave and tanning lotion gave me the wonderful soft feel I love on a hot day with a short skirt.
The evening never cooled down much as I made my way through it. Long hair brushing slightly on my bare shoulders and back was a constant sensory thrill.
I know I gave more than one show as an older guy nearly lost his baseball hat turning to look at me walking slowly across the parking lot. Sunglasses gave me the opportunity to really watch him watch me without really knowing it.
I'm told I have the legs to show, so why not?
I did mention the "slow" part of the walk. At that point in time I was celebrating my own start to the "Independence Day" weekend.

We all know "independence" is not a one day, week or year deal.  A person has to fight for it and nourish it to make it happen.
The nourishment of finding the perfect outfit and shoes or doing the perfect makeup and hair makes up for the extreme disappointment I felt last week.
As for all of you I hope you can experience your own independence day...wherever you may be in the world.
At the end of the day your freedom is actually all that matters!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Nothing never Happens

A great quote if I ever read one!
Last night when I thought nothing happened and everything went so smoothly. Did nothing never happen?
What about the three guys who I looked up and saw them looking at me.  Was that nothing. Don't know. Was the guy who kept walking by and barely touching my hair on my bare shoulders with his arm nothing? Three times? I believe it wasn't nothing and it happened.
Last night,  I encountered many women, nothing did happen. Nothing never happened I think.
Nothing really did happen with me personally though. I really enjoyed texting my friend and listening to the music I love. More importantly I loved being the real me. Nothing really never happens!