The Original Girls Night Out

The Rubi Girls

Over a space in time, I have written about the girl's nights out I was fortunate to be invited to. During each one, I learned tons of information about how cis-women interact by themselves when there are no men in the group.

Last night it occurred to me I had forgotten perhaps the most important night out with women which I had ever experienced. My excuse is, it happened such a long time ago. Just after I came out to my daughter who immediately began to explore ways to get me more situated as a transgender woman. This time, she came up with the idea I should go along with her and her girl friends to a glitzy drag show in Dayton, Ohio.

The drag show was actually put on by a very entertaining group of female impersonators called the "Rubi Girls". They are still together to this day and have raised well over a million dollars over the years for AID'S research. They have been performing since the 1980's and I had heard about their legendary shows but had not ever made it to one...until my daughter stepped in.

It turned out the drag troupe had closer ties to my daughter's family than I had ever imagined. So close, my oldest grandson had one of the Rubi's as a fourth grade teacher where he went to school. Thanks to a remarkable amount of diversity back in those days, the teacher was a fully out gay man being allowed to teach. Further more, after I let my three grandchildren into my world, my fourth grader came home from school one day and announced how proud he was that the teacher and his new transgender grandparent were the same. Then my daughter need to explain the differences between the two of us. Which she gladly did. Diversity at it's finest.

At the point of going though, I wasn't thinking about the warm feelings involved with my new found family diversity as I was thinking about how scared I was to go at all. The last thing I wanted to do was embarrass my daughter or myself in front of her friends. As we prepared for the evening, my daughter even prepped me on the other women in the group to try my best to steer clear of. After what seemed like forever, the night rolled around as I obsessed on what to wear. I only remember now I just wanted to fit in with the suburban chic fashion my daughter and her friends were wearing. I also remember being very quiet and speaking only when I was spoken to. Again, because I was so scared. 

The whole evening really served to kick me out of my gender closet. I had it coming because I opened up to my daughter about my reality and she followed through in a big way. I survived by putting on my big girl panties and doing the best I could to enjoy the drag show. Looking back, after I was able to breathe, I think I could even be a little proud of myself for my accomplishment. In my mind at least, I felt I had made another giant step from being a cross dresser, all the way to achieving my dream of living as a transgender woman. In other words, I reached down and just pulled the band aid off as quickly as I could to preclude any pain.

Since my daughter owned a big van, she drove that night and for some reason I have never asked her if she had any negative feedback from any of her friends. If I remember, someday I will have to ask because I was just trying to act as if it was the most normal thing to do. When in fact, the whole evening was my first girls night out.

My Mirror and Pastries

Of course over the years from a closeted cross dresser into the transgender life I lead now, I have fought epic battles with my mirror. But I'm not alone, I see genetic women who have fought and lost the same game daily.

It's a tough battle. Both Genders pay attention to us. It's the age old question of "do women dress for women - or men?" Easy answer, women overwhelmingly dress for ourselves. Sure I want to look nice for guys too but if I'm not getting a passing grade from the women in the crowd, I need to keep trying until I do.

None of this was an easy process to work my way through.

First of all my mirror is a Stone Cold Bitch. By law she deals in one dimension (hers) which just happens to be a much different one than the public. My first conversation of the day is "Bring it Bitch!" But we both know I need her as a tool to help me. As long as she stays away from that dishonest feedback deal. I have finally come to the conclusion I don't look as good as she says I do but not as bad as I think I do.

Second, I was stuck right in the middle of several dominant forces.  I was a guy attempting to appear as a woman in public but I was going about it in all the wrong ways.

I was dressing for men from my perspective of what a man wanted to see. Cool, except I was leaving out a huge majority of the population who could make my journey easier-women. If I was going over the top with the such forgettable "Rodeo Clown Drag Queen" look, then I was missing everyone.

And finally, I knew very few  of the "tricks" of the style game such as fashion, sizes and shopping.

As the years passed painfully by, even I began to realize the path I was taking was going all wrong and I was lost. Of course life is better now as I became honest with myself.  Even the mirror and I get along now. No matter what she says I know my limitations and similar to any woman I try to do the best to work around them. In fact, just last night she was whispering sweet nothings into my ear as I finished dressing, brushing my hair and touching up my makeup. Finally I was ready to head out to a mainly straight bar/restaurant last night hosting the fabulous Rubi Girls.  I knew I was far from the sexy "thang" she said I was but I did feel  I wasn't over or under dressed for the night which is exactly what I tried to do.

Of course all of this progression has been something I have tried to over think for years. Actually, I came to a fairly simple conclusion.  As I do with many things in my life, again I was trying to shortcut the femininity process in me. For years I thought simply the best clothes, wigs and makeup could take me where I wanted to go.  As it turned out the process was similar to eating your favorite donut. Tastes great eating it but the sugar buzz and empty calories don't last long.

If you are a novice in our world as a cross dresser or a transgender person, just take a second and look around.  There is nothing wrong with eating a tasty pastry but if you are losing your buzz in a big hurry-it may be time to look in your mirror and think about a new diet.

Culture Chic

Of course I walked away from last night's trip with daughter and friends to the HIV Aid's Benefit Show with more than a couple new impressions.
First of all if you ever have a chance to see a drag group called the Rubi Girls in the Dayton, Ohio area- do it!!! The group has been doing the particular show in Dayton for the past 17 years or so and has raised over a million dollars for Aid's research...Wow!
As I have said, I was invited by my 30 something daughter and we were joined by six or seven of her rather upscale suburban girl friends.
Ironically, I felt slightly out of place and ill at ease not because of my "trans-ness" but because of being totally out of touch with women raising pre teen kids. I was introduced as just another of the friends my daughter knew. One though had met me before and was told my story.  So more than likely in a couple days all of them will know I'm really a parent. The only real result could be the impact of other kids finding out my grand kids have a transgender grand parent.
The most amazing part to the whole evening was the turnout from the elementary school where a couple of my grand kids go to school. They turned out to see a fourth grade teacher from the school who is also a "Rubi Girl". Call me crazy (some do) but when I was in the fourth grade, a teacher doing a drag act would have not been too popular.
Dare I say last night the concept was cool and even chic. I also should mention he mentioned the school and the visiting group two or three times during the show.
At one point he even stopped the show to introduce a sexual/gender diversity professor from the University of Dayton.
So all in all I walked away from the evening with the feeling things are changing for the better from the kids up. Perhaps those who noticed I was transgender also noticed I was much different than the drag queens. But in the meantime I was more than happy to watch a dyamite show, see a glimpse of the future and be chic in the meantime!