Showing posts with label binary gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label binary gender. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Feminine Envy

Many people assume the male of the binary gender spectrum  has a higher level of competitive spirit. Women are just not expected to compete on the same level. But I think they do, in their own ways. Similar to the differences in how men and women communicate, women are often not to up front on their comparative drive. 

Photo Courtesy
Jessie Hart

Take for example sports. While women are supposedly the fastest growing segment of sports fans, often they don't take it to heart the way men do. More importantly women compete intensely on family matters as well between themselves on appearance , among other things. Here is another example from me as a transgender woman.

I can't remember a day in my life I haven't been envious when I have seen an attractive woman walk by. I have so desired to have one day in which I possessed even a portion of her physical attributes. Then I begin to relax and think I am probably doing the same thing any other cis woman would do. I am sure even super models can find something wrong about their appearance on occasion. Plus they have a legion of followers to make sure their makeup and clothes are just right for the camera. 

I think too appearance plays a role in married relationships when a male spouse begins to transition into their authentic selves. When a wife sees her husband dressed as an attractive woman for the first time has to come as a shock and the shockwaves have a tendency to rock all she has ever felt about herself and her relationship. Did she do something wrong? How will her friends react to the fact she is now living with a transgender woman and what about family? Once her spouse gets a high heeled step out of the closet, it is nearly impossible to go back to a "normal" life. As I write about many times, my second wife who was fine about my crossdressing simply drew the line at any suggestion of me being transgender and starting hormone replacement therapy. She simply said she didn't sign up to live with another woman. The problem quickly became, as I progressed, like it or not she did sign up to be with another woman and not one she particularly liked. She called me the pretty, pretty princess for a reason. For the longest time before I learned more and more about the feminine world all I wanted to do was dress up as completely as I could, practice walking in heels and putting on makeup. On the other hand, she rarely wore makeup or heels of any sort. It's no wonder our feminine natures clashed.  

Before you assume I am portraying all women as being too shallow in their life lookouts, there are other aspects to consider. My examples are my former hair stylist Theresa and my daughter Andrea both of whom have transgender children. Both of them too are fierce allies of the transgender community as a whole and their children in particular. I am very proud to know both of them and know from previous experience how fortunate their transgender children are to have such understanding parents.   

Women for the most part live many layered complex existences  The process to learning to understand living a feminine life is often difficult and even lonely. Every door you open to a new life, seems to lead to another and another. The problem with envy is when desiring a another woman's existence leads to not improving your own. We can only improve ourselves by developing our emerging selves. The problem with envy in a relationship is it can result in destroying both parties. 

Friday, September 3, 2021

Trans Survival in a Cis Gender World


No matter where you find yourself  in the coming out process, I am fairly sure along the way you may have encountered some resistance to changing genders. Mine came years ago when I was called a pervert in a women's room I was using. Later on that same evening I was asked to leave the venue all together. From other happenings similar to that, I developed what I call "Transgender PTSD".(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) On occasion, I still experience it today.  

How did I survive? Basically, everytime I had to go through extremely negative experiences, I shed tears and went back to the drawing board and tried to improve my exterior self to match my feminine interior self.  It was tough for me because I had very few feminine traits to build on after spending decades perfecting my macho act. Along the way, I still lived in fear of hearing the dreaded "Hey! That's a man in a dress." 

Gradually I did improve my appearance as I learned to dress for other women and to blend into where ever I was going. An example? If I was going to one of the upscale pub/restaurants I went to socialize I would wear a fancier outfit which would indicate I was a professional woman of some sort. On the other hand, if I was going to meet my lesbian friends at a sports bar we normally went to, I would wear a nice pair of jeans and top. All of a sudden, my life in the cis-world became easier.

When my life really became easier was when I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). All of a sudden I went to the tipping point of no return. My face and skin started to soften as my hair began to grow along with my breasts. Relatively quickly I reached a very androgynous spot in my life. Finally cross dressing as a guy felt very wrong. 

I need to emphasize none of this was easy. I went through terrifying times all the way to feeling euphoric with my progress. Crossing the gender frontier could be a path I could follow after all. 

If you are considering following the same path, don't go it alone. Find a therapist or a gender professional to monitor your bloodwork and hormones. Estrogen can be a good thing until it goes too high and can become toxic.

In the meantime, try to relax and enjoy the ride. Very few humans have the opportunity to experience both of the binary genders up close and personal.

When it happens for you, you too will be a true survivor.  

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Let it Rain


"Rain Valdez just received her first Primetime Emmy nomination for “Outstanding Actress in a Short Form Comedy or Drama Series” for her lead role in RAZOR TONGUE, which she created, crowdfunded and produced. Rain is the second transgender actress to ever be nominated for a Primetime Emmy in an acting category and the first Filipina American transgender actress to be nominated. Rain is also the founder of ActNOW, the first and only acting class in Los Angeles prioritizing a safe space for LGBTQIA actors and teaches beyond the binary. Rain got her start playing ‘Coco’ in season 2 of TV Land’s LOPEZ and doubling in Amazon's TRANSPARENT as Miss Van Nuys on screen and a producer behind the scenes."