Transgendered Questions with No Answers

This is just a bit of an addition to my recent "Mirror" post.
The trans woman I quoted and I had also been chatting back and forth about the difficulty in locating a true trans girlfriend. I feel her ideas are relevant enough to pass along.
For clarification I'm talking about a friend to share life experiences with. A person to hang out with and do girl things with.  As it turns out, the person who fills that void in my life now is a genetic woman but I certainly wasn't always that lucky
I am not talking about the huge group who want sex or for me to "dress them up". That's not being a friend.
Here is her question:

"I would love to have a trans woman girlfriend to do things with together.  Women click together, the gay community clicks together like mad (however loosely), gender queers click together, but in my experience the trans community does not click with anyone (gay, straight, bi, or trans).  It really pisses me off.  I don’t get it.  The only place we can really bond with people is online."

As our "chat" continued, I essentially told her how weary I was of endless discussion and no progress. Except for my theory that many in the transsexual culture went to the "promised land" of no return and the grass wasn't so green. They simply missed the feminine essence except for appearance.
 Her reply:

"(I) agree that the feminine essence is neglected.  To me a lot of what feminine means is thinking and caring about others.  It is totally missing in my experience.  I find trans women seem so isolated and disconnected. I don't get it.  That is why I have been going to a gender queer group instead.  I am getting more of what I am looking for and I guess a little less of other things.
I can understand your disappointment.  It would be so nice to have a real life common girlie bond with a like minded trans woman."

I'm weary of the whole deal but still would love to hear from those of you who have had success establishing a girl friend with transgendered experience.
Obviously, I'm just one voice in the wilderness. My experience is just one.
I just don't have any quick answers to any of these questions and I hope my experience does not reflect the attitude of the overall transgender community!
Unfortunately I'm judging our culture guilty until proven innocent.