Women in the Band

Recently, I wrote a post spotlighting a punk rock musician (Laura Jane Grace) who made the transgender transition to a woman in the middle of her career.

Perhaps you may remember, one of the all time Cyrsti's Condo regulars, Connie (below)

is also a musician as well as Paula in Great Britain. 

Connie sent in this comment concerning her interaction with her fellow musicians:

"Punk fans would, most likely, be more accepting than would, say, Country music fans to see a musician make an mtf transition. One of the things that held me back from transitioning was my music. Not that I had "made it", at all, but it was a big deal for me to make the change from a front man to a front woman. Even though the band's bookings became more plentiful with me as a woman, the guys in the band felt we'd become more of a novelty act.

 I was told that I needed to make up my mind which gender I was going to perform as. It was not difficult for me to make the decision, as my transition was already in motion. It wasn't the first time, nor was it the last, that a woman broke up a band. I just did it a little differently. ;-)"

My only question was did you have to give up your music before the pandemic took it away anyhow?

Laverne Cox Celebrates the Holidays

 Perhaps you have seen the gorgeous Laverne Cox in the "Smirnoff Vodka" holiday advertising campaign.

If you haven't, here is a look:

Combatting Transphobia

 Recently, I was following the lives of some of the Facebook friends I actually know fairly well. 

One of which, I was fortunate to have met during the very beginning of her transgender transition. As with most of us, she has gone through the peaks and valleys of a Mtf gender transition.  She was obviously in a valley as she described a transphobic someone not in total acceptance of her being transgender and a woman for the rest of her life.

Here is what my partner Liz wrote: "Most people say things like this out of fear. They are either afraid of something that they know nothing about, or they are afraid of something they fear in themselves. When people react in anger towards others that they don't understand, it is usually because they fear something in themselves that they refuse to face. You are beautiful, and I am proud of you for finally living as your true self. 

Something that I tell Cyrsti all the time, is you have to realize how amazing you are. You have completely changed who you are! You have completely reinvented yourself into who you are in your heart and soul. How many people can do that? Very few! I am always so proud and in awe of all Transgender humans, people, because of your depth of heart and soul to live as your authentic selves. You are all very special, very magical beings. Those ignorant people could not even begin to understand how special you all are. None of those fools would have the courage or tenacity to completely transform themselves. They walk blindly through life not wanting to see the real world around them. Just think of how sad their lives must be. Believe in yourself! You are more beautiful and courageous than all of those ignorant idiots. Don't waste your time on them, they aren't worth it. Just believe in yourself and know how special you are! Hugs!" 

I am so fortunate to have Liz in my life!

On the Hunt

 While transgender woman Hunter Schafer's only acting credit to date is on the HBO series Euphoria, it's an important one. The character has been praised for being one of the few transgender actors on television to not be depicted as struggling with their identity. Her role showed that a trans person can be seen simply as a person on a show – being trans doesn't have to define them.

Schafer has modeled as well for a number of top brands, from Dior to Calvin Klein and Vera Wang, and continues her work as an activist for the LGBTQ+ community,

Smoke and Mirrors

 Gender Dysphoria and how it effects us separately is often a very personal experience. Also it revolves too on how we interact with the public as a transgender woman. In other words, do we pass. I dislike the term but it is one of the few I could use other than "present."

I remember the days when I first began to try my hand at a feminine life, I chose places which had an abundance of mirrors I could reinforce my feminine image in. One place I recall many visits was a large coat factory store where I could try many women's winter coats I couldn't afford. One in particular was a pale blue mid length wool coat I dearly loved. I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out of the store for being a pest and not buying anything.

Still I persisted with mirrors I even sought out sports bar venues where I could sit facing the mirrors behind the bar to reinforce my feminine thoughts. Of course the feelings were fleeting and all too soon, I was left alone with my Mtf gender dysphoria.

Recently I read another take on the whole idea called "Being Trans in a World of Mirrors" by Emma Holiday:

 "Everyone has moments of self-criticism and self-hate. They can be even more painful if parents, siblings or friends highlight your own perceived weaknesses. That kind of negative attention takes the extra rawness and makes it throb inside our soul. We are all forced to find ways to deal with it and survive; it gives psychiatrists, psychologists and bartenders job security.

But being transgender seems to be the Olympics of internal pain and external vulnerability. Over the last three years I have experienced the transgender gauntlet of gender dysphoria in all its glory. It is an inescapable experience of doubt, confusion, shame, guilt, anger and fear, churning 24/7 in your head. When you have gender dysphoria, the frightening statistic that 40% of transgender people attempt suicide suddenly makes sense."

Of course Emma has more to add and you can read it here.

Post Christmas Transgender Blues

 It turned out once my late wife started to give me a little support as a cross dresser, the last thing we normally did was a Christmas night gift exchange. Slowly it became my time to receive "girl" gifts. Perhaps you may remember me writing about the warm fuzzy sweaters I wore when I went out as a novice transgender woman. I cherished and took care of the sweaters she gave me so I had something nice to wear.

The gift exchange was definitely saving the best for last and once it was over, it was time to return to the boring male world I had to live in. The depression I felt was real after the gift shopping trips I had tried and the chances I had to add to my feminine wardrobe.

Fortunately, work stepped in and kept me occupied until New Years Eve which I will write about later. During most of this time, I managed a high volume casual dining chain restaurant and it took most of the knowledge and skill I could muster to operate it at a high level. 

At least when I was acting like the macho male manager I wasn't, time went by.  

Once I threw in a touch of alcohol to medicate the pain, I was able to sooth the Post Christmas Transgender Blues.

Merry Christmas!

 Of course, 2020 is throwing it's last best shot at us as we celebrate Christmas itself. 

Putting a big red bow on our Cyrsti's Condo Christmas past series, here is a look at a few of my past memories. 

Along the way, I was always the great procrastinator. I thrived on the pressure of finding a great gift at the last minute. So, all of the sudden, here I was out shopping in my fancy black pant's suit, blond wig and wool coat wondering just how much courage I could muster to pickup the perfect gift. 

As it turned out, the perfect gift that year turned out to be an oak book case which matched the oak roll top desk we had purchased for my wife earlier in the year. I ended up bravely going into an oak furniture store and finding what I was looking for. 

So far, I had done the easy part. Then I had to buy it and get it to the SUV and get it home. All before she returned home from work and I had to transition back to my guy self. 

Before all of that, I had to hitch up my big girl panties and approach a rather gruff guy to tell him what I wanted. Surprisingly enough, he smiled and offered to help me complete my purchase. Plus for the first time in my life, I didn't have to be the one who had to worry about carrying a heavy/bulky object to the SUV. My only task was opening the back of the vehicle. 

I made the fifty mile trip home in good shape, was able to find an ideal gift, and the saddest part of all, return to my boring male self before she returned home.

I hope this series of posts hasn't bored you too much. Plus I hope you have a festive and safe holiday season. 

Cyrsti's Christmas Post Three

 During the week approaching the actual day of Christmas, I have been sharing a few of my most memorable moments from the past.

One of the most notable was how I did the right thing for the wrong reason. My point is I was desperately searching for excuses to get out of the house and explore as a transgender woman. I needed to make up reasons for my wife so she wouldn't suspect what I was doing when she was at work. I found the excuse by doing my gift shopping for her as a woman. 

Very quickly I found out how much fun it was and how natural it felt to be out in the world as my authentic self.

My late wife was totally a gardening and Christmas fan. She also loved vintage gifts. All of her likes made it very easy for me to haunt garden stores and antique malls to find her those special gifts. Ironically, all the spots I visited I had been there before with her as a guy. So I knew where I was going and how to get there.

For the most part, I was able to find that special gift and make it back home before she did or before I needed to be at work. The only drawback was I needed to be extra careful in removing any traces of makeup.

I found out too, shopping in the venues I frequented was no different than when I first went out shopping for clothes earlier in my cross dressing experiences. My money was welcomed far more than any ideas about my gender. 

Finally I learned how much more clerks seemed to be to assist me. Even to the point of having male helpers take my purchases to the car. I made the exciting journey from macho man to a woman who needed help with my heavier gifts.

As it turned out, Christmas was turning out to be a very rewarding experience.

Cyrsti's Christmas Post Two

 As we approach the actual day of Christmas, I felt it was a good opportunity to share a few of my more impressive (I hope) holiday memories. 

In our previous post, I remembered the first night I was able to venture out into the public as a transgender woman for the first time and enjoy a major regional Christmas light display. In this post, I am going to share my first time out during a Black Friday shopping blitz at an area upscale mall.

This time, it was relatively easy to find the time to attempt to try my hand at passing on such a major shopping day as a transgender woman, or a just a woman. My wife worked at retail so she had to work and at the time, I was a restaurant general manager to I could set my own hours. I chose to come into work later in the afternoon so I had most of the day to explore another slice of life. 

For an outfit I chose the usual comfortable/blending wardrobe items. In other words, sweater, leggings, boots and wig of course. 

As I left the house, I was more concerned with seeing the neighbors than anything else. I was very secure in my looks but didn't know what to expect with the shopping experience. Since I didn't have much time or the inspiration to find a gift for my wife or others, I was selfishly just there to see if I belonged.

When I arrived, amazingly, it wasn't as difficult to find a parking spot as I had anticipated. I gathered my courage, checked my makeup in the car mirror and headed into my perception of one of the ultimate feminine experiences...Black Friday shopping. 

Once I was in the mall, I found I didn't have any thing to worry about. No one cared who I was at all. I was able to blend in, do a bit of shopping and leave satisfied I had checked off another "bucket list" item off of my Mtf gender transition checklist. 

One again, I used the Christmas experience to do it. 

There will be more to come!

Cyrsti's Christmas Journey...Post One

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past, slowly over the years I have been coming to the realization for me Christmas has nearly surpassed Halloween as the most important holiday for me as a transgender woman.

Years ago, as I started to live a life in the public's eye as a feminine person, one night in particular stands out as terrifying and exciting.

Very close to where we lived in Ohio, there was a very small village with a working vintage mill which featured a huge Christmas display. As a guy with my wife, I had been there several times but something was always missing. By now, you can probably guess, I desperately wanted to be one of the women strolling around enjoying the crisp winter air and the festive scenery. As luck would have it, I finally made it to the place I always wanted to be.

First of all, I had to come up with a night off when my wife was working so I could sneak out of the house. Then I had to come up with something to wear. Following not much effort, I came up with a big warm, snuggly sweater, leggings and a pair of boots. I was set!

The village was only a short ten mile drive from our house but as I was getting ready, the anticipation of the upcoming evening was killing me. I spent what seemed hours getting dressed, applying makeup and wig. Finally, my idea of perfection was reached and out the door I went.

Since I had the protection of night, I didn't have to worry so much about the neighbors for a change plus darkness always helped me to pass the public once I arrived. 

Once I did arrive, I found a parking space, gathered myself, took a deep breath and got out of the car. Into the world I went to experience what I was missing all those years. After my initial nerves calmed down I really enjoyed myself. I even gathered my courage to stop into a shop for a cup of hot chocolate. The best part was, no one seemed to pay me any attention at all. 

As I finished my beverage, it was time to make my way back to the car and head home. I had to be there in plenty of time to take off all my clothes and make up before my wife finished her work. 

As disappointed as I was that the evening was over, the fact I had actually been able to live an authentic life in a feminine world as a transgender woman was exciting.

Christmas turned out to be a bit more festive that year, 

Masculinity and Femininity

 I have written extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the terms "woman and man" are socialized terms and are simply an extension of "female and male." Here is another look from Addison J. Smith: (She/They)

"Masculinity and femininity are cultural concepts that change over time. They are something we can relate to but they don’t come from us. We learn these concepts. We see ourselves in others and we learn what it is to be like them. If you see yourself as a man, no matter what body type you have, you will want to learn what it means to be masculine as your culture currently defines it. If you see yourself as a woman, you will want to learn what it means to be feminine. We identify with a gender and learn to be that gender. It happens at such a young age that we don’t even realize we do this. Instead, we believe this learned behavior is something intrinsic to us."

Our identity comes from seeing others and knowing yourself through others. 

My example comes from when I first started to go out in the world and explore it as a transgender woman. Very quickly of course I was rejected by men because I had left the male club with all of it's inherent privilege's. Somehow I became part of a conversation between a couple men and was startled by the way I was treated. I had lost most of my intelligence it seemed. On the other hand I was accepted more or less by the cis women I encountered. Perhaps it was because I was reflecting their femininity back at them. I know it might be a difficult idea to consider and as a matter of fact, I didn't think much about it until I read Addison's post. Much of it was written about reflection between your perceived and actual gender. 

To this day, since I have not attempted any bottom surgeries at all, my actual biological gender is still male but my perceived gender is female. Obviously it took me years to come to this knowledge. I actually survived well in the male world and played the game as best as I could. I guess you could say I reflected well. 

I did it until it was impossible to do anymore. The gender stress was killing me literally. I drank myself to the point of suicide. 

It was about this time too, I learned the feminine image in the mirror meant nothing unless I could project it in a quality manner to the only gender which really mattered to me...women. 

Finally I will conclude this post with another Addison quote: 

"I don’t have a problem with masculinity (except the toxic kind), I’m simply not masculine. Masculinity is great for people who are masculine. Be masculine, have fun, just don’t be a jerk. I can’t say that I’m really drawn to be feminine in the popular sense, but if you know you’re feminine, go for it."

From India with Love

India has a new Miss Transqueen -- and she's headed for the world stage, determined to speak out for the country's marginalized transgender community.

Fashion designer Shaine Soni (below) was crowned Miss Transqueen India, the country's beauty pageant for transgender women, on Saturday. She will represent India at next year's Miss International Queen, the world's biggest pageant for transgender women. 

I Laughed Until I Almost...

 A couple nights ago we ushered in the Holiday season formally around here by watching one of our favorite Christmas movie classics, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. It stars "Chevy Chase." It was released in 1989 and everytime I watch it I laugh until I almost wet myself. Which I guess is one of the hallmarks of being an older feminine person anyway. It is so popular it is still showing in a few of the local theatres around here which are still open. 

As the holidays are here, I also had a powerful reminder of the season last night. When I went out the front door to do the decidedly unglamorous task of taking our recyclables out to the bin last night, immediately I was surprised by big fluffy snowflakes and a small coating of snow on the cars. The snow along with the amount of colorful Christmas lights on the street combined for a wonderful holiday scene in my mind. 

Once I returned to the warmth of the house, I began to think of the feelings I had during Christmas as I grew up and beyond. As I have written before here in Cyrsti's Condo, much of my early childhood memories of holiday gifts was similar to "Ralphie" in the movie A Christmas Story. 

In the movie, one of the central themes is how badly the oldest son "Ralphie" wanted a BB Gun. In my case, I wanted a doll and got a BB Gun instead. The gift was a direct reinforcement of my gender dysphoria as I was growing up. 

Of course too, there were the trips to my relatives for Christmas. I had two girl cousins who were roughly the same age as I was. They were always dressed in their holiday best dresses with white tights and black patent leather shoes. I remember how I desperately wanted to be them. But of course I was stuck in my usual boring boy clothes and a flat top hair cut. 

Little did I know how times would change for me. 

As I reached a point to be able to live full time as a transgender woman, I began to realize how my feminine Mtf gender transition had as much to do with Christmas as it did with Halloween. As I grew out of the idea of receiving dolls as gifts, I grew into receiving nice women's sweaters and skirts. More importantly, I was able to get out of the house and explore the world.

Between now and Christmas, I will be writing about them here in Cyrsti's Condo. 

Inspiration to Move Forward

 The Cyrsti's Condo Quote of the Day:

She Made it...Then Came Out

 Laura Jane Grace is known as the singer, guitarist, and songwriter for punk band Against Me!, which she founded in the late 1990s. In 2012, she came out as transgender, becoming a rock-music trailblazer in the process. In a 2012 Rolling Stone profile that served as her public coming out, she admitted she was nervous. "Even now, there's a part of me that's not convinced I know what the f**k I'm doing," she said, adding, "But there's another part of me that's completely, 100 percent sure." 

Ohio Inches Forward

 FINALLY the court case designed to allow transgender Ohioans (like me) to change the gender on their birth certificates has been approved in court. This is from "Equality Ohio"

"Until today, Ohio was one of only two states that had a blanket ban against transgender people changing the gender listed on their birth certificate. Today, a Federal District Court struck down that policy—transgender Ohioans will now be able to correct the gender marker on their birth certificate!

Accurate identity documents, including birth certificates, are crucial for trans people to fully participate in society. The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that almost one-third of trans people who showed an identity document with a name or gender marker that conflicted with their perceived gender were harassed, denied benefits or services, discriminated against, or assaulted.

This is wonderful news for trans people who were born in Ohio and, until today, have not had the ability to update the gender marker on their birth certificate—even if all of their other documents were updated. 

The next step is for the Ohio Department of Health to update its procedures for correcting birth certificate gender markers. We’ll be in touch as soon as we have more news about this! In the meantime, please contact the Equality Ohio Legal Clinic through our virtual legal intake if you have other legal needs."

Of course Ohio does have sixty days to appeal this case but is not expected to do so.

Personally I am excited by the fact, I am one of those transgender persons who has gone as far as I could changing my legal gender markers. Even though I have never been asked to produce my birth certificate to establish my gender, it would be nice to have. 

Supposedly, it will take at least sixty days for the Department of Health to catch up to this much needed change. 

Now, if Ohio can pass the anti LGBT discrimination bill currently in the legislature, we may be able to move into the 2020's as a better place to live for transgender people. 

And the Answer Is...

 Transgender woman Kate Freeman sported a trans pride pin as she became the first out transgender woman to win on the "Jeopardy" television quiz show.

She is a financial analyst from Lake Orion, Michigan. Jeopardy has been on the air since 1964 with more than 8,000 episodes.  At least one other contestant has transitioned in the past after winning the game but Kate is the first out transgender person to do it.

Is it Time?

  The vaccine has arrived here in Cincinnati, Ohio and they are administering the first doses to front line health care workers and first responders. While I know it still is predicted to be well into the New Year of 2021 before any substantial changes to our lives will return, I can dream of being on the other side.

My dream includes having a few nights out next summer with my partner Liz. In fact, I stare longingly at my wardrobe. Imagining what I would/could wear on a night out. 

At this point in time, I am thinking of actually getting a pedicure for the first time in my life so I can wear sandals again. 

Also I am thinking of having my extremely long hair trimmed back by the time it is relatively safe to go out again.

In the meantime, we are really hunkered down until vaccines are deemed safe and available. I am sure at my age and my breathing issues, I would show up on some sort of a priority list. 

Just thinking about the future seems to help my thought processes.

It is not time yet but perhaps the light at the end of the tunnel is not the train.  

Monroe Bergdorf

 Munroe Bergdorf is an English model and activist. She has walked several catwalks for brands including Gypsy Sport at both London and NYC Fashion Weeks. Bergdorf was the first transgender model in the UK for L'Oréal, but was dropped within weeks after a racial row. Wikipedia

Check out her picture below:

A Step Forward?

 Recently, I have been reading about and even know a couple people who describe themselves as non binary humans. It's my guess most of them would also be known as gender fluid or even androgynous back in the day. 

Then again, I don't like to become mired in labels. Plus, as Connie has brought up in a few of her comments about how years ago, there were only two recognized genders. Then as the years progressed the transgender term became a reality. I remember the first times I became aware of the idea of a transgender person, the more it made sense to me.

All of the sudden, the impossibly feminine cross dressers I encountered at the very early transvestite mixers I attended made sense. They weren't cross dressers at all but rather, they were transgender. While we are on the topic of labels, a few of them even made the jump to transsexual and went all the way to sex change surgery. As it was known as then. 

Now, I personally have gone way past the idea of operating outside of the gender binary. I am firmly in the transgender camp and have no desire to vary my existence at all back to any aspect of my previous male life. 

On the other hand, I am fascinated by those who aren't and are able to be gender fluid or non binary. Hopefully, all of it represents a step forward for humans everywhere.  

In the meantime, here is the transgender flag. (I think) Because these days, everything changes so quickly in the world of gender.

 

Andrea Razali

 After medically transitioning at 23, Singapore’s Andrea Razali competed in Miss International Queen 2020, has modelled for inclusive brands and advocates for more LGBTQ+ awareness in the country. “Equality is a far cry for now, but every cloud has its silver lining,” she told Time Out Singapore.

Finding Me

Sadly, it seems I have spent the majority of my life searching for my true self. Selfishly, on occasion, I want the time back. 

Of course, I know it is impossible to regain time spent, so I try to make sense of it all. I try to remember all the highlights (and low lights) of desperately trying to discover my true gender. Unfortunately, I didn't make all the right moves as I went down the gender path to transgender womanhood. One major mistake I made was trying so hard to make my presentation perfect, I neglected the most important part of my Mtf gender transition, what kind of feminine person did I want to become. As I started to go out to the same venues, I was recognized as a person. I recognized at the time, it was because I was trying to discover a new world as a cross dresser but I didn't want to be known as a bitchy one. 

Then I came to the point when I couldn't "put the genie back in the bottle." I was seriously beginning to establish myself as a feminine person and it felt good and natural. Better yet, it was easy for me to be a "nice" person since the greatest majority of the people I met were nice to me. Essentially I was taking another giant step out of the mirror. Early on when I went out shopping or whatever, it seemed all I was doing was going from mirror to mirror to try to re enforce my feminine appearance. 
Looking back on all of this now, it seems like a blur when in reality it took years to happen. 

As I like to do, I'm bringing in another quote from a person named Emma who went through a similar experience

:
"I have searched a lifetime for me, never understanding who I was. My ignorance made me afraid of me. Everyone around me shared the same ignorance and fear.

How desperately sad. How tragic. What a heartbreaking thing to finally realize… but what an amazing discovery. What an exciting realization. What an opportunity to touch a part of your neglected heart, an untouched part of your soul, and to know it’s ok to share it all with the world. It’s ok to feel these hidden pieces mend and meld to make you feel whole, finally, and to tenderly feel their warmth.

It’s like the passing of a storm. The clouds part, and the warm rays of sun create your own personal rainbow. You suddenly breathe in and know that your lungs are filled with the joy of life.
I always will hold on to these moments of discovery for the rest of my life. No one will ever take them away from me."

Well put!

Cyrsti's Condo Quote of the Day

 

Welcome to the Sisterhood?

 Very early in my Mtf gender transition, I was "ushered" into the sisterhood of cis women by several very well meaning women. Having said all of that, I learned too all women were not real happy with my showing up to play in their gender "sandbox." I also learned quickly the feminine power of passive aggression. Or, I discovered to quickly learn a smiling face could hide a sharp knife heading for my back. 

Take the restroom acceptance for example. One night I remember vividly was years ago when a woman I met briefly at a sports bar was going to the ladies room and invited me to go along. The whole process caught me by surprise and I declined...that time. The next time she asked, I took her up on the invitation and conducted myself well. I took care of business, made sure to wash my hands, checked my makeup and hair and took off. Everything went well with the person who invited me but not so well with a couple other women in the venue. One of which ended up complaining to the manager. He ended up letting a couple play "Dude Looked Like a Lady" three times in a row on the juke box and finally asked me to leave.

Several weeks later though I got my revenge on the jerk after he got fired and two staff members met me in a neighboring venue and invited me back. A friendly attitude and good tipping got me by almost every time. Interesting enough, it was during this time I met another transgender woman who ended up moving away years later after we did some quality partying together at several different venues. One of which had a enormous bar area and a famous two dollar draft beer night on Tuesdays. Most nights, finding a seat was difficult but somehow we managed being the only trans girls in the crowd having a great time. It was in this venue I did meet the two lesbian women I was to become best friends with. And from there too we were able to branch out to a couple other spots in a restored restoration district and have a very good time there too.

I guess you could say I networked my way into the "sisterhood." When I was going out to entertain myself and be alone, I was attracting too much attention to myself. When I was with my friends, I had strength in numbers and in fact had the chance to blend in with their lesbian mixers which I totally enjoyed.

I was welcomed into the sisterhood more than I was ever expecting to do.  

Inspiration

 

Hey! Are You Transgender?

 I don't ever try to hide the fact I am transgender. Very rarely is it a potential issue. 

On the other hand, I don't often out myself either. I am far from the dating scene of my past so it also isn't a major deal. My heart goes out to younger transgender women and men who have to negotiate the dating world. Ironically, it seems the better you present, the more difficulty you may have. Even to the point of placing yourself in danger if you are "discovered" by an unsuspected suitor. 

Last night though, I found myself in a situation I don't think I have ever found myself in. Back in the day, I was always surrounded by my cis women friends so I had never found myself in a situation with a man where I was outed. As an aside, I didn't ever feel as if I presented well enough to confuse the public totally on what gender I really was. I always assumed everyone knew I was trans and I was satisfied with all of that as long as I was treated with respect. 

For some reason last night, I went against my basic rule and accepted a friend request from a man. The reasons were  he was in a group I was in with similar political leanings and he was local. If worst came to worst I could always mention my very territorial partner of nine years or just block him. 

I didn't have to do either last night. Interestingly, his first comment was he was surprised to learn I was a woman. Obviously, he had not read my profile...yet. Because after I answered with I was fine with his surprise. He came right back with how cool it was when he found out I was transgender. Followed with how good my picture looked.

Fortunately, a simple thank you from me and he was gone. 

The whole deal brought back so many memories plus a realization I was fortunate to be in a relationship with a partner who accepts me for who I am.

Bibiana Fernandez

 From Wikipedia:

"She was born as Manuel Fernández Chica and spent her childhood in Málaga. Despite being born male, she decided to receive hormone treatment in adulthood.^[1] She completed her sex reassignment surgery in 1991 and changed her name to Bibiana in 1994.^[2]

After spending some time performing in various shows around Barcelona, she went on to make her film debut in Vicente Aranda's Cambio de Sexo (Sex Change).

With this movie she rose to stardom in Spain, appearing in several TV shows and releasing several hit songs such as "Call Me Lady Champagne" and "Sálvame".^[2]

In the 1980s she began working with film director Pedro Almodóvar and was cast in many of his movies. She also hosted different television shows while acting in more films."

Coming Up

 As we are firmly into the holiday season now for many of us, once again it is time to reflect back on the affects of the season on our gender preferences. 

For the longest time, I considered Halloween to be the major holiday of choice for cross dressers and novice transgender women. To be certain, it still is as far as coming out of the closet around select family and friends. 

Now though, I have been using the holidays to remember back over my past and the effects it had on my life. 

To make a couple long stories much shorter, coming up between now and Christmas, I plan on passing along several experiences I had along the way when I actually did pass as a feminine person and did my shopping. Also, how I now view the holidays as a bigger time for me than Halloween. Halloween provided me the spring board to thinking I "probably" could make it in public as a woman appearance wise. On the other hand, my holiday shopping adventures proved to me I could live life as a woman.

In essence both holidays provided an important process towards my development as a transgender woman. 

More will be coming later.

Carla Antonelli

" Carla Delgado Gómez is a Canarian-Spanish actress who uses the stage name Carla Antonelli. She is also a noted LGBT rights activist who maintains a large support website for transgender people, and a politician serving in the Madrid Assembly, the first trans person to serve in a legislature in Spain. Wikipedia "

No Running No Hiding

 Gender dysphoria always has been my most serious competitor.

It seems my entire life, I have tried to outrun it, just pausing for the brief periods when I was able to cross dress and/or pursue my feminine self constructively in public. 

Along the way, I frenetically changed jobs and even places I lived trying to outrun myself. On the positive side, I was able to experience many different cultures (in the Army) as well as several diverse locations in the continental United States such as the metro New York City area all the way to the Appalachian areas along the Ohio River in Southern Ohio. 

Fortunately, most of my job changes led to upward momentum in my career field I made very few lateral moves. Ironically, at the same time, I was refining my cross dressing to the point where I could almost present comfortably as a feminine person in public.

All of success of course did nothing to sooth my gender dysphoria. In fact, it made it worse. The more I succeeded, the more I wanted to. Increasingly, dysphoria was making my life more and more miserable as I struggled to keep my genders separate. I found myself consciously trying to walk like a woman when I was working as a macho man. Not a good idea.

Instead of giving in to the "dark side" and accepting my strong feminine side, I persisted which led me down the ugliest part of my life which should have been one of my happiest. My wife at the time knew I was cross dressing but never ever accepted me taking the next step and beginning hormone replacement therapy. Instead of doing the courageous thing and gracefully ending the relationship, I began to sneak out as a woman and try to lie about it. Through it all, I was and am a terrible liar and was in constant trouble. As I have written here before, my gender dysphoria ultimately led me to a very serious suicide attempt. 

From there I decided to retreat back to my male self and save the relationship. It worked, even though I was miserable. Tragically, I didn't have to wait long for my life to change. My wife suddenly passed away a year later. It was an extremely dark period in my life when I lost several other close friends also. 

Finally, I gave in to my feminine side and went back to cross dressing as much as I could. As I "gave in" to my natural self, I didn't have to run and hide anymore. What a relief. The more I learned about transgender humans, I knew I found what I had been looking for. I was tired of running.

Manuela Trasobares

 As a politician and trans woman, Manuela Trasobares  is the first Spanish transsexual town councilor in Geldo with the political party Acción Republicana Democrática Española (Spanish Democratic Republican Action).

Say What?

 Somewhere in the past I remember hearing that any publicity is good publicity. Most certainly the idea is not true when it comes to the transgender community. I was going to add the entire LGBT community into the idea but decided not to. After all most of them decide to ignore the trans part of the gay, lesbian and bisexual communities until they suddenly need us for something. In fact, I don't know how we began to be included in the first place. It probably came from the days when cross dressers and transgender women went to gay bars for "safety."

Then again, there are the lingering affects of the Jerry Springer type shows which did damage to an already fragile transgender image.

This quote which comes from "The Age" in Australia sums up to a differing degree what trans folks are facing now with the seemingly flood of new transgender stories:

"  We trans people are endlessly spoken about, as though we were children or animals rather than fully-fledged humans expert on our own lives. The ‘trans issue’ is reduced to what cisgender people feel about transness, leaving little room for trans knowledge and experience. This is similar to the centering of white people – at the expense of Indigenous and Black voices – that too often characterizes conversations about race. Again and again, discourse about marginalized communities remains dominated by the instigators of that marginality.

It’s not that cis people can’t be useful trans allies; cis folks can and do use their platforms to advocate for trans rights. This is valuable work. The problem comes when cis voices become a deafening chorus that drown out trans perspectives."

Ironically, other problems can occur when a transgender person becomes too comfortable and decides to for all intents and purposes goes stealth. Every voice in the chorus is needed to present the trans perspective.

After all, we worked so very hard to arrive at the place we are. 

Cyrsti's Condo Quote of the Day

 

Her Story

 Richards not only starred in Her Story, she also co-produced it. The show went on to receive an Emmy nomination back in 2016. But more importantly, Richards, who has since appeared on TV series like Nashville, Better Things, and Tales of the City, has been working hard to promote trans visibility.

She founded an organization called Trans 100, which works to honor and recognize trans people and businesses that are doing positive things for the community. She has also been an advocate for pushing producers to cast actual trans people in trans roles. Her picture is below.

Another Supreme Court Win

 From "CNN":

"The Supreme Court declined on Monday to take up a case from parents in Oregon who challenged a public school's policy allowing a transgender student to use the bathroom that corresponded with his gender identity.

The petition was considered a long shot because of several complicated threshold issues, including the fact that the policy had been put in place five years ago for one student -- referred to as "student A" -- who has since graduated from the high school located in Dallas, Oregon. At issue was an individualized plan drawn up specifically for "student A."

In declining to take up the petition, the justices left in place an appeals court decision earlier this year that held that the school's policy intended to "avoid discrimination and ensure the safety and well-being of transgender students."

Good news indeed!

Jamie Clayton

 Honored by Out magazine back in 2011 for being one of the top transgender personalities, Jamie Clayton (below)has been portraying transgender characters for the last decade, starting off with HBO series Hung in 2011.

She has also done work to help young kids going through the confusing stages of their lives and gender identities by narrating the young adult novel George about a transgender girl. Sense8, the Netflix series that garnered Clayton an even bigger following than she already had is one of many that fans believe was cancelled far too soon. It has since developed a cult following.

Building on the Positive

 

Sex is Power?

 Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote a post about the idea of why women (cis or trans) scare men so much. Essentially it is because sex is power and to many men, women hold most all of the power. After all, women are often stuck with raising children if unplanned pregnancy's occur. Along the way too, men end up perceiving women as possessions. 

Many women (again cis or transgender) eye being with a man as a validation of their femininity. I was guilty of that also when I started to date after coming out as transgender. Plus I thought if I could find a man to be with, I could present better as a woman in public. Ironically, my brief flirtation with men didn't last long after I found I was experiencing much more attention from women.

But through it all, I found sex was power as I pursued companionship with men on the newer dating sites which were springing up on that new found contraption called the internet. I don't want to remember how many times men were willing to flirt with me on line and just as willing to stand me up in person. After seemingly hundreds of contacts, I did experience several dates with above average men...including a couple way above. Including a transgender man. 

During it all, I was always acutely aware I was different and yet I was still able to sense the strong sexual attraction rarely between men and I and seemingly always with the women who were intrigued by me. So, sex was power.

Actually this whole post came about from this comment from Michelle:

"I have to agree with you about ego vs need to feel wanted. As for the complexity of the subject, it's somewhat simple in the way, women need to feel the emotions of wants and needs. We give ourselves freely in order to secure those emotions, with the hope that a man can live up to the responsibilities of providing the security. We need to understand that it isn't just for a one night stand but a long term commitment.

As for the sex drive portion, in today's society, it's because of several factors. One is that women have learned from our male counterparts that sex can be used to secure power. It can be used for both aggression as well as passiveness. The second factor is that we have been inundated, since the 60's, with people telling us that sex is the pleasure we need to maintain our sanity. In a way they are right since a woman's body does need that kick of hormones that sex gives us to help maintain a healthy body."

Thanks Michelle! One of these days we will have to examine the role high heels play in the gender power struggle. 

Isis King

Isis King, the first transgender woman to compete on “America’s Next Top Model,” has been making inroads since her groundbreaking appearance on the show, most recently appearing in an episode of HBO’s “Equal.” Her picture is below:

Adjectives

 We all spend incredible time and effort to achieve a feminine transgender life. 

Seeing as how most all of us had a late start on the world and had to make up all of our own rules as we went along, changes were inevitable. Over the years, the woman in the short jeans skirt (me referred to in an earlier post) became the woman who is rarely seen in a dress or skirt at all. Instead I concentrated on refining and building my new person I was building. Seeing as how, very few humans have the opportunity to legally reinvent themselves, I didn't want to screw it up. Since I ran into fewer and fewer other cis women I encountered dressed like I use to dress, I began to dress to blend. 

Instead, I will let Connie add a few adjectives I wanted to achieve:

"Qualifying adjectives I like are: smart, witty, loving, caring, kind, lovely, pretty, talented and capable. The more I try to present myself as a woman who could be described by any of these, the less important it becomes that anyone might also add "transgender" to my identity."

Great words to live by! Thanks.

Giggles

 There are many reactions I have encountered over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo. The most memorable being "Just another old guy on hormones." When I wrote on starting hormone replacement therapy. 

Recently, "The Cat Lady" commented on another reaction...giggles:

"I'm sorry but you made me giggle when you talked about learning the ways of the bra. I guess since I've worn bras, off and on, since I was in my teens, I don't even think about it anymore. For me, it's like putting on a blouse, a tight fitting tee shirt or stretch jeans. You feel it at first but not until later in the day do you feel it again. Yes, I still feel the restriction at times but in reality it all depends on the bra.

Now on to you mentioning about cup sizes. I learned a long time ago that when transitioning our breasts will usually only develop to one cup size smaller than our mother's size. I am a C cup and my mother was a DD cup. But here's a little insight into womanhood, a lot of women will tell you that they are not satisfied with their breast size. They are either not big enough to be ultra sexy or too small for the same reason. That's why plastic surgeons make so much money.

Here's an article you may want to check out and talk to your endo about: https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Just remember lady, being a woman is a complex situation that we all find somewhat confusing at times. Especially to those of us that didn't have the luxury of learning in our younger years."

Thanks Michelle and a giggle or two is fine, I am sure I have had much worse! 

Unfortunately, I somewhat restricted by my Veteran's Administration endo doc and what she can prescribe by the VA standards. I can say though she is learning quickly and is suddenly asking all the right questions about feminine results to my body. The link above refers to progesterone which will be an interesting conversation. As I have written before, my endo is concerned about my age when prescribing me meds. 

As far as all women and their breasts are concerned, it seems to me the "grass (or the breast) is always greener on the other side. I know my partner Liz (DD breasts) comments on hers are too big and a hassle.  I feel with my frame, D's would be ideal but I can certainly live and be satisfied with what I have achieved. A "C" cup. 

When the Covid crisis lifts and we can begin to go out again, I plan on doing some serious bra shopping.

Obviously the model below is not me!

Have You Seen "Big Sky?"

 From NBC:

"As a rising nonbinary and transgender actor, Jesse James Keitel was hesitant to audition for the role of Jerrie on ABC’s “Big Sky.”

Keitel, who uses she/her and they/them pronouns, felt there was something “murky” about the inconsistent character breakdown that cast doubt on the show’s ability to properly represent a transgender character. After landing the role, Keitel — the first nonbinary series regular on primetime television — was able to sit down with the writers and producers to craft the character into something that was much more representative of the contemporary queer experience.

On the new procedural drama from creator and executive producer David E. Kelley — about two private detectives (Kylie Bunbury, Ryan Phillippe) and an ex-cop (Katheryn Winnick) who team up to solve a kidnapping case in Montana — Keitel portrays Jerrie Kennedy, a transfeminine, nonbinary musician and sex worker abducted at a rest stop by truck driver Ronald Pergman (Brian Geraghty) for a potential sex trafficking ring. Keitel said they have been able to bring their own lived experiences to Jerrie throughout the season to rebuild the character’s appearance from the ground up."

There is more here as well as a picture below.

Jenna

 Talackova entered the history books in 2012 when, after securing entry to Miss Universe Canada, she was outed by someone who recognized her from a 2010 Thai beauty pageant for transgender women. The Miss Universe pageant disqualified Talackova, who contacted famed feminist lawyer Gloria Allred, who took on the case and challenged the pageant. The organization reversed its stance under the pressure, and Talackova made it into the top 12 contestants before losing out, though she was one of the pageant’s Miss Congeniality winners that year. A picture below:

A Blast from the Past

For those of you who don't know, I have a Facebook page which also has a very loyal group of followers. The difference in the group is many of the people I know personally and have interacted with over different periods of my life. 

One of which is Zena ( a cis woman) who I briefly met and saw a number of times when I first started to come out as transgender. This would have happened around 2010:

"The first time I saw you in a short jean skirt I was jealous, for lack of a better word. I have hardly had the courage to wear one as a cis female and you were so nonchalant and darling....I will never forget that day or your idyllic sweetness. You are so strong. I admire and miss you so"  

Shortly after the jean skirt our lives went separate ways and I remember vividly a few of the feminine "lessons" Zena tried to show me. One of which was mentioning I should probably practice a few of the feminine arts on bananas if you catch the drift. All along I was dazzled this beautiful woman was willing to meet me out in public. 

I also remember the wonderful spaghetti dinner she invited me and a couple other of her friends over for. I think I also wore the short jean skirt then too. Ironically, while she thought I was nonchalant, in reality I was terrified on the inside. Fortunately for me. I was able to learn from women such as Zena and move forward into my own feminine creation. 

Zena, thanks so much for the memory and I miss you so too!

A "Passing" Game

 If you follow American professional football at all, you probably have heard of the frustrations over the years from the hapless Cincinnati Bengals. This year, once we drafted Joe Burrow our passing game dramatically improved until he suffered a major injury and is out for the remainder of the year. In other words, their "passing game" went away.

The same can happen to transgender women as they work their way through life. Early in my life, as a prolific cross dresser, I had various levels of success and failure when it came to my appearance. When I came out as a transgender woman in my sixties, I relied on any natural success I acquired cross dressing along with the changes brought along by hormone replacement therapy to mostly succeed at presenting as a transgender woman.  

Along the way, I received several comments on the passing post. Ironically, the last thing I wanted to do was try to fish for compliments on whether I passed or not. At this point in my life I am way past all of that. If I can't get by in the world the way I am now, I never will.

As a change of pace in this post, I have decided to pass (no pun intended) along a couple comments.

The first is from Connie:

"  Gee, the way you started this post, I thought you were referring to a Hail Mary Pass. ;-) Self-deprecation does not become you, sweety.

If one looks at passing as a last-ditch effort or a win/lose proposition, it rarely works out favorably. Desperation is more telling than one's actual physical presentation. In continuing the football metaphor, I am a Seahawk fan who has learned that attempting to force a pass (as in a certain now-infamous Superbowl play) can lead to disaster. :-)"

If you don't know, the Seahawks were basically on the goal line attempting to score the winning touchdown with time running out. They pulled a Bengals and tried a pass which was intercepted in the end zone as time ran out. No "passing privilege" for them!

And now, here is another comment from Emma Gray:

"I love your self-description of yourself: "a woman of transgender experience." I use that a lot for myself too.

As for "passing": I know it's the common lingo and although I've tried I haven't come up with an alternative. The thing is, I don't care for that word because it implies that I'm like a secret agent, passing within society for something I am not. I thus worry that it could reinforce unsupportive cis people's ignorance. Anyway...

I also like Rachell Brindell's quote. I've wondered that myself, for me, but especially for trans children who are increasingly being raised with pubertal hormone treatment that supports their authentic gender. So, they won't be identified as trans until and unless they disclose. I suppose there will always be post-pubertal transitioners so we won't disappear per se.

Then again, it seems to me that gay people are not nearly as identifiable as they were in the 70s and 80s when they needed to establish pride, self-esteem, and community identification.

The worst situation IMHO is for non-binary (NB) people. My therapist is AFAB NB. Visibly feminine, they are consistently triggered by well-meaning people using the wrong pronouns and gender for them. And there's nothing they can do. Should they wear a sign? I certainly don't think so as it brings the Nazi treatment of Jews to mind.

Anyway, being identified as a woman without qualifying adjectives is delightful isn't it!"

It is indeed! I look at it as a payback for the years of harassment I went through! Thank you all.