"Skirting" the Issue

From the earliest days of heading out into the world and exploring my femininity at transvestite "mixers", for whatever reason or another, I was never totally enamored with wearing dresses or skirts.  In return, I was "taken to task" for not doing so.  Very succinctly, I was told why would I wear pants to the mixer if I wear them all the time anyhow.  Of course you all know what a dim view I take of anyone telling me what I should do and women's slacks were always a staple of my very small wardrobe.  (At least my wife approved, so I was "encouraged" to have more.

I'm a believer though, that as a rule of thumb, male legs transition to a feminine look more than any other part of the body.  In fact, in my book "Stiletto's On Thin Ice" I devote several pages of why a dynamite set of legs may be the down fall for novice cross dressers.  If you happen to be like me, the very first compliments I received at Halloween parties I was cross dressing at were, "Wow! You have a great legs!"  I did - but- they were attached to a narrow butt and large feet.  Very simply, I was reacting to the compliments (and the mirror) as any guy would.  I concentrated on my legs and not the entire image.  I think it is one of the reasons you see so many terrible pictures of cross dressers on line who only want to concentrate on their legs when they could transform into pleasant looking women. (Other than the fetish freaks.)

As I said, I didn't stay in the "leg phase" long and began to concentrate on a more complete style.  More importantly I built my style on some sort of an inner voice and bits and pieces of help I could obtain.  Plus, the more I ventured out, the more I had to "blend" with the rest of the women around me-wearing pants for the most part. So here I am today.

Now it seems, I'm coming full circle.  My partner Liz wants to see me in a dress or skirt or two on occasion and even my trans woman friend has commented on why she never sees me in a skirt.  Truthfully, now I don't think my legs justify a skirt.  I did however, run across this fashion update from Fabulous after 40:

Hi Cyrsti,

Does your summer wardrobe consist of the same old pair of shorts, jeans or capris because you just don’t know what else to wear?

Casual dressing is where I see so many women get stuck in a rut - don’t let that happen to you!

A cute skirt is a great alternative - just add a comfy fitted t-shirt, cute sandals and a statement necklace and you’ve got a great casual outfit recipe.

At the right you see Deborah Boland modeling an outfit she was talking about.

Even though there isn't a whole lot of summer yet to come...just maybe I may start "skirting" the issue-next spring?

I know what you are thinking, does Cyrsti even have legs? Yes, I do have legs and to prove it ...to the left is an ancient selfie of me when I had legs.

Deborah did make another really good point which can be strongly applied to cross dressers or transgender women new to the world.  We really don't have much of an idea of dressing causal without looking like "Honey Boo-Boo's" Mom. 

                                                                                                

Life in the Box

Continuing a post I wrote yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo which I compared my MtF gender transition to climbing into the "girl's sandbox" .  I break it down further in my book  "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" but for simplicity (like my mind), here are a couple of thoughts.

For the record, I have nursed my biggest scratches over the years, from two groups-"A-list" genetic and TS women.  I leaned quickly from both, who sought me out for my comeuppance (as they say in my part of the world.) My first lesson came years ago at one of the transvestite "mixers" I used to attend.  I was always fascinated by the diversity of the group and loved to go out with a certain few after the "meeting" and party. The problem was, this group made up most attractive cross dressers in the room.(Not the most feminine though.)  They knew it and were very similar to the socialite/cheerleader types I encountered in high school.  To "tag along" was OK by them, as long as we all knew I didn't really belong. Lesson learned.  Maybe I didn't fit it with those girls in the sandbox, but there were others I was finding who indeed I did!

As most cat scratches do, I heeled and found more acceptance in the box than I ever thought possible.As we have discussed here in the "Condo" most genetic women are curious why you would even want to play in the sandbox at all and move on. My problems occurred when I wanted to use the "litter box" and I got scratched big time.  Through it all, I learned to watch my back because there could be a woman coming after me with a patented "passive aggressive" feminine attack.

Finally, I learned the worst attacks in the box came from those I couldn't even see, transsexual and transgender women who sit safe behind their computers and blast away.  I used to get mad (still do) and hurt (still do) but for the most part understand I put myself out here and with it comes abuse.

So now, I happy with my little spot of sand in the girl's sandbox and I have playmates too.  Plus on the positive side, I have interacted with sooooo many good hearted peeps like all of you.

Thanks for playing in our sandbox!!!

And You Thought You Had This Girl Thing Down!

Stick with me here as I try to "structure" this post.

I'm going to start it with an experience I had 199 years ago as a kid and build from there.  In my youth, every friggin year, our vacation was a two week trip up to the area around Toronto, Ontario - Canada. Dad would rent out a fishing cabin on a lake called "Rice Lake" and we would do our best to fish it out. We caught the fish, cleaned the fish, froze the fish and ate them every Friday for a year until it was time for...you guessed it...fish for more.

One year when I was probably 12 or so, we found enough kids in the camp to form a tackle, no pads football game.  Being the overly compensating male kid I was, my hero was a fullback for The Ohio State University and I wanted the ball.  I got the ball all right and was picked up and slammed down on my shoulder.  My collar bone was broken and my Dad temporarily lost an employee. Ironically,  what sticks with me to this day is when the doctor said to my Mom, "well the collarbone is broken, but he won't have to worry about wearing a strapless dress anytime soon."  He was right in a way- it was several years before I did go strapless.

Then! I read this from the "Fashionista" beauty blog..."Everything You Need to Know About Collarbone Contouring!" Dammit! You mean I spent all those years contouring my collar bone "bump" wrong?  Where was the internet when I was a kid and needed it?

Then! Bobbie sent me a link on Facebook to a Greenville Gazette article where a Tracy Spicer gave a talk about the pressures society puts on women to look a certain way. She explains that women spend an average of 3,276 hours of their lives grooming. Men spend a third of that primping themselves.

“Imagine what we could achieve if we weren't beholden to society’s unreasonable expectations about how we should look,” Spicer says. In the amount of time it takes every year grooming, women could learn another language or get a degree. The sky is the limit to what women could accomplish with that time.   

DUH!

No big surprise there Tracy! What she didn't say was how much of that pressure comes from within the women's sandbox. Who do women dress for first, men or women? Personally, I feel if I present well and blend with the women I'm around I can move around in the world with less potential problems. In other words, I'm passing the girl's "sandbox test".  It's a tough crowd in "the box" though and I'm sure proper contouring of my collar bone would have given me a bit more respect from the "A" listers - if I had only known!

Thanks Bobbie! Here's my second book plug recently (making me feel like Dr. Phil) but there is quite the discussion of the "girl's sandbox" in one of the chapters of "Stiletto's on Thin Ice."

Will You Take Half a Man-Part Two

I have received several very good comments to my recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning a recent coming out to a genetic woman in my family.

The point I don't think she ever really understood- was why I wasn't sexually attracted to men, now or ever. Believe me, I have wondered about that too.  In my past, I have "made out" with guys and kissed a few who bothered not to stand me up on a date...or even didn't spit on the floor after they kissed me...really?  All of that aside, all I can say is-the spark just isn't there. Say what you want (and more than a few will), identifying as a trans lesbian puts me even a notch lower on the mythical "I'm more Trans than you" scale. The fact remains, I'm way past that kind of criticism and I know the rather archaic idea of a man dictating the femininity of a woman wouldn't play well to any of my lesbian and most of my straight women friends. As Marion commented though:

These are questions that many in the cis-gendered world do not have a clue about. They think that gender presentation and identification are related to gender preference. And until they see that these are separate, we have a lot of educating before us....

Education indeed is the key word and it is happening more than we know. In fact, my family friend ( to my surprise) had a real grasp of what a transgender woman was all about, from a couple of television shows she had seen.  More importantly, her grasp wasn't a negative one.  Just because she had problems understanding the gender versus sexuality concept didn't make the experience any worse.  I sometimes don't think many in the transgender - cross dressing community have it figured out either.

So, I think by now all of you know I was happy with the experience. In a future post, I will have to pull a few coming out excerpts from my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book .

Speaking of the book, I do have several readers who took the time to leave wonderful reviews such as Don and Mindy.  I'm so insecure, I was afraid to even look!!! If you follow the Amazon link on the upper right hand side of the blog, you can buy it for your Kindle.

Finally, Jen said it best (instead of a half a man)  I think it's more like two for the price of one, or maybe "get this special bonus" if you act before midnight :-)

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" after missing last week's issue, the presses are rolling with another Sunday Edition!

Page 1.- Old Friends-New Faces.  Yesterday was simply wonderful for a couple reasons-including meeting a couple old friends I hadn't seen for a minute!  One was a transgender man friend of mine.  First of all, I think it's not as easy to judge the progress of one's HRT transition if you see them all the time.  I hadn't seen Draco in a while and the changes are amazing.  He has lost weight, his face is becoming more angular (with facial hair) and his voice is changing-just to name a few of the changes.  Wow! He looks good and happy.

Another chance meeting yesterday was totally different.  I have been writing off and on for the last couple days about going to my grand daughters Bat Mitzfah and the hows and whys of doing it as a guy.  Quickly, I was told I could come as I pleased at my daughter's and grand daughter's request.  Since it was her day, I chose male.  The day was a beauty for a June, Ohio summer day.  blue skies, light breezes and low heat/humidity. Doesn't get much better than that for June around here. I am not Jewish myself and had never attended a Bat Mitzfah and it was different than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised.  After it was over, we all had a chance to eat and visit.  Not long into the afternoon, my partner Liz and I noticed an attractive 20 something woman walking around showing more skin, tattoos and piercings than clothes.  After a second, we locked eyes because we knew each other-kind of.  Over five years ago, she had met a pre HRT male version of me and after that became one of the individuals who was instrumental in accepting me and helping me into a new group of friends. Bottom line was after yesterday she had only met my old in the closet male self twice-ever. Normally, I dearly hate for that to happen but, the experience was crazy fun and deserves it's own post which we will do in the Condo later.  It's a classic story of switching gender names and pronouns-in a split second.

Paula, I simply take my hair and pull it back into a pony tail and either just wear it that way or with a baseball hat - with the hair sticking out the hole in the back.

Page 2.- The Week in Review.  Such a week it was in the comment department around the Condo! We stayed the night with Pat's wife and messed up the why's and hows of going to L.A. with Jen and Mandy.  I encourage those of you who are interested to go back to the posts Nothing to Wear, Owning It and A Night with Paula's Wife to follow the comments. Most of which, were bittersweet in how they were presented by three women who are trying (or thinking seriously of) doing a little more exploration of how their chosen gender could present in the world.

And, yes Pat it is a little scary how many of our lives were so similar, even though we have never met to this day.  The similarities also cross international borders, as I have found with readers such as Paula and Vicki in the UK-among others.  The more we learn about ourselves, no matter if we identify as cross dressers or transgender women and men- the more we come to understand who are the true "gate keepers" of our existence.

Page 3.- Stilettos on Thin Ice.  As you all know by now and if you read a little of my Backward's Both Ways post.  My first book has been e-published and among other places you can get it on Amazon which you can click on the link in the upper right hand corner of the blog.  If you want to check it out, if you can, I recommend Amazon over Barnes and Noble because for some reason I'm not good enough to figure out-it published better, with fewer mistakes.  If life slows down to a slow roar any time soon, I'm going to feature a little from the book (ala Dr. Phil) who is the most shameless huckster of his (and family's) products ever!  

FYI: The hand beaded hair barrette above, is  compliments of Liz T Designs

Again, if you read the "Backwards" post you will understand how special it was for me to do it at all! Paula said it best in this comment: " So, have you heard about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? They would lay awake at night wondering if there is a Dog" Now I know why I can't sleep!

Page 4.-The Back Page.  As you can tell from this edition, Momma Karma is still rocking my world with pure good vibes and I love her for it.  Even though I truly have become a little "winded". Perhaps Mandy said it best with this comment:
  

"We (collectively) always figure it out in the end, so a little confusion adds color to the discussion!"

Thanks to all for spending another week with me here in the Condo!  I hope we can keep "meeting like this!"

Owning It!

Our "Own it Girl" post here in Cyrsti's Condo, continues to generate incredible feedback from some of you regulars-including some who are considering testing the mainstream waters out of the closet.I am going to try to do my best to wrap your idea's and comments around mine.

The positive part of the internet is the realization many of us are in the same gender transition boat-no matter where we live.  Take Jen's comment for an example and compare it with where I am in Ohio or Shelle is in rural Indiana.  I'm relatively sure both Shelle and I would trade you places to begin stepping out of the closet, but then again, our problems doing it weren't all that different.

Jen wrote:

""I work on Hollywood Blvd, very near the Chinese Theater. 

At least several times a week, as I'm either driving to and from work, or out walking to lunch, I notice transgender / cross dressing people. I know there is at least one trans person working here too and she is totally accepted! 

Some are like the person I mentioned, where they are just being themselves, not concerned about being out in public or passing so well (yes they own it!) Of course some you wouldn't pick out at all unless you're looking closely.

I always get a thrill if I notice someone (hope!). Yes guilty - I'm often looking to see if I can notice anyone, because I'm always trying to find "looks" that might work for me when I'm en-femme. I try not to make it obvious :-)"

You addressed a couple very interesting points Jen!  It's interesting to me how all of us "look" for other "sisters of the cloth." Just yesterday, I posted a comment from Pat on how her and her wife have an easy time picking out obvious cross dressers / trans women (with style issues) from the crowd. I am going to write a whole new post on the subject which should post tomorrow. (Pat's Wife and I)

Jen, rest assured,  when you can get to the point where you are at the least comfortable with who you are, you will "pass" better than you ever imagined.  Look, I know it's tough and I'm not just blowing smoke up your skirt (if you are wearing one), just take baby steps! One suggestion though. Chances are, those trans girls or cross dressers who are navigating a feminine society took their clues from the genetic women of the world!  We all know a genetic woman's life is so multi layered she learns early how to present for each situation- so she can "pass" too.  Examples could be shopping, picking up the kids, or going out on Saturday night. Whatever the scenario, she has to own it too.  When she is "feeling it" the world does too!  As we transition, our problem is "syncing up" how we think we ought to feel with reality.  

My HUGE mistake was Jen, I was viewing myself as a woman based on how a man would-not another woman.

Finally, I would dearly love to visit you out there in Hollywood.  Been around the L.A. area in route to Northern California but that's it.

Maybe we could schedule a Stilettos on Thin Ice book signing there and then go north to Seattle and visit Connie?  That's a bunch o books!!!!

New Cover!

If I didn't wait so long to grow my hair as long as it is, I would have pulled most of it out as I worked to get the finishing touches done on my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book.

Thanks to Bobbie putting me in touch with the very patient and talented Sharon Wright of The Wright Impression design firm- she came up with a new cover which was well worth the wait!

Follow the link above to her site, plus we will feature her work later in another post!

I believe the change may delay other two or three days or so the book "going live" on Amazon and B&N.

Writer's "Arse"

"Aw right" it's done and sent to exotic places such as Amazon and Barnes and Noble to sell a million copies. Sometime next week my book should be available for sale.

 Somehow I don't think my humble self published E-Pub "Stilettos on Thin Ice"  is going to make it to the "New York Times" best seller list or you won't see me on Dr. Phil anytime soon. So why did I write it?

Very simply, the years of writing Cyrsti's Condo have led me to believe there are many of you living the same gender struggle I am-or did. Very simply if one person is helped by the book or if an outsider develops any sort of an understanding of a transgender person's life-I have been successful in what I set out to do.  I do know too, my story brings a message of hope to those transgender women of age who are transitioning-or are considering it.

On a lesser scale, I have never been able to actually finish a project such as a book in my life.  I'm literally a "hoarder of words" and have thousands stuck around here in the Condo. The whole project was on my "bucket list" which I have to tell you is very small.  I've been fortunate or crazy enough to just do most of what I wanted.

My problem now is I have a case of HRT "writer's arse".  If you didn't know, later more than sooner on hormones you do begin to "fill out" in the butt and hip/thigh area. For the last week or so, I have had to barricade myself in the house in front of computer to finish the book in time for the Trans Ohio Symposium next weekend.  The problem was, many snacks, very little exercise and a sore "arse" from sitting in this damn chair!  I'm fairly certain I'm getting a dose now of what a genetic woman feels like when she sits at a desk all day and feels those "snacks" going to her rear!

The only fortunate possibility I have going for me now is, I seem to still have some of my old male metabolism left and I can work the extra weight off of where I really need to-in my tummy area.  I'm far from worrying if my hips or thighs are too wide.

Finally, I will let you know when "Stilettos on Thin Ice" actually goes up for sale if you would consider purchasing it. ($3.99) thanks!

Shoes!!!

This turned out to be a dbl "shoe post" by accident, which could describe many of my posts here in Cyrsti's Condo.

First, for the last couple weeks I have been corresponding back and forth with Bernie at  Le Dame Shoes   which you may recall me mentioning not too long ago.  It turns out (thanks to all of you) he received a good response and wanted to do more here on the blog later.  I was flattered and said sure and in the meantime he wanted to send me a pair to try out for my own.  Initially I said, I wasn't a "heels" type girl and he said I might be in his shoes.

Even though, I'm sure there are a certain percentage of your cynics who read the Condo already are thinking "Cyrsti got paid off with swag" (Connie) but it is true - I do love the shoes. I will have more to pass along later!

Speaking of Connie and our mini grammatical discussion of the book title (and a pesky apostrophe). She sent in this comment:

Well, I just assumed that you had but one stiletto on the ice, so "(My)Stiletto's on Thin Ice" would be correct. I'm also imagining your other foot, the one on solid ground, would be in a combat boot. Not too different from your one foot on the platform; the other foot on the train (not that the shoe need be a platform in this scenario). Anyway, if you need a proof reader or copywriter, just send your manuscript to me. Be aware, however, that this old teacher uses a lip liner pencil for corrections. :)

Connie, I'm fairly sure you would charge me mega dollars for all the lip liner you would have to use!  Plus you need it more than the book does! I can't wait for your new book "Smootchless in Seattle"

 I have decided to let the red marks lie where they fall and just get the thing published...I'm sure my old writing teachers will be spinning in their graves.

"Weakly" Reader

Some of you "of age" and from the U.S. may remember the "Weekly Reader" at school when you were growing up.  Actually I found it started in 1928,  ceased and merged with another company in 2012, so for a moment, I didn't feel so ancient.

My reason for bringing it up is I'm only a week away from the Trans Ohio Symposium, this weekend is Memorial Day already and as of this moment I still only have Stilettos on Thin Ice ready for publication on the Kindle platform only. I'm still waiting to hear why the files didn't come across the same on Apple and Nook. I'm still hoping to publish today to give the book plenty of time to get into Amazon and maybe even a chance Barnes and Noble. (Which takes a little longer.) The goal of course is to network it at Trans Ohio.  We will see, at this point I'm a bit frustrated and aggravated but I will live.

In the meantime, I need to put the finishing touches on my workshop presentation next week as well as figure out all the details of what I'm wearing, times and all that fun stuff.  The symposium itself is being held at The Ohio State University Student Union which is approximately only a half hour from where I live, so travel isn't a worry. My partner Liz and I have volunteered to help work next Friday passing out and picking up classroom materials for all the educational and professional types which attend, so I will have to plan for that too.

All in all, I can't wait for the weekend! Last year, I'm sure I learned way more than anyone learned from me and I hope to double it this year.

In addition to the Symposium, The TGLBQ Pride events are starting up around my area in Cincinnati, Dayton and Columbus.  Columbus is the biggest on the 20th of June and my friends and I already have rooms reserved in town for it.  The others are "iffy" or out because Cincinnati is the same weekend as the Symposium and Dayton the same day as a family reunion of sorts I have to go to.

Anyway you cut it, the summer is off to a busy start.  I need a vacation!!!!

My Cover Designer

From Teresa:

Before pushing the "print" button, perhaps you'd like to mention to your cover text designer that "Stiletto's on Ice" is incorrect American English and that "Stilettos on Ice" (without the possessive apostrophe) is the correct usage.


Thanks Teresa!  I have a quick direct line to my "cover text designer" (me).  Changes have been duly noted and changed.  I have nightmares of my high school writing teachers wearing out quite a few red pencils along the way!!!!!

Down to the Wire!

My friends are sick of hearing me say anything and maybe you are too-but it's true I'm down to five days until I send my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" E-pub book off to be published.

With my friends, it's difficult to explain what the book is all about because they don't really know or care anything about my past.  To them, I came into their life as a transgender woman approximately five years ago and that's it. I'm sure they are thinking, "Just do it and shut up!"

For those of you who are Cyrsti's Condo regulars, you already know what it is all about-a synopsis of how I got here in my life.  Along the way of course, are a ton of wrong moves, dead ends and huge discoveries over the course of 50 years.

I suppose the book could be called a tragedy because I took so long to face up to whom I really was or a celebration of actually finding out.  As I have said before, the book will be very inexpensive and I am certainly not seeking wealth or riches from it.  If you do choose to buy it, I'm sure you will recognize certain experiences and thoughts from here.  Hopefully in a lot more depth.

I'm also sure as soon as I press the "pub" button, I will be asked many more technical questions before the book goes "live."  Hopefully by Friday though, I will be one of the millions who have been told "you ought to write a book"-who did.  I guess it's one step up from being told you should be on the "Jerry Springer Show." 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" it's time for another issue of the Sunday Edition in the Condo.

Page 1.- Courage.  Just to be different this morning, I'm going to go a bit out of order with how I structure the edition and go with a comment I received from Jen Smith.  It concerned the experience last week I had last week with a guy who called me "Sir".  To catch you up, I simply lost it and asked the guy "WTF" did you call me?   Jen wrote:

This is an amazing story to me. You must be one special person, so brave, to handle a situation like this. You were in the military with him? I would have probably gone into shock at how to react in a situation like this. It seems like you have tons of confidence! Take care! jen

Thanks so much Jen!  As far as "brave" goes, I think I had my split second angry reaction covered in my brain before he did it.  It wasn't like I was in a situation where I would face physical harm with some redneck guy and his friends-this guy knowingly or not - gender trashed me for years.  I just had had it.  For some reason I turned on him before I knew it.  No, we weren't in the military together.  He was in the Marines and I was in the Army and the only common ground we have is we were both in Vietnam.  He served an entire tour there while I was just passing through (thank goodness!)

Looking back, perhaps I should have an added a "don't try this at home" tag to this post.  I also should point out, I essentially transitioned in front of the regular head bartender in this sports bar. It's down the way from where my wife worked before she passed and both of us stopped in when I was a guy way back then.  She got a kick out of when I verbally "swatted" John because he so deserved it.  I suppose my shock set in Jen, when I got to meet his wife and daughter who were so nice.

Page 2.- Trans Ohio Finally finished all the registration work and overnight lodging reservations for the Trans Ohio Symposium in a couple of weeks.  The problem was (if you are a golfer) the Memorial PGA Golf Tournament is going to held in roughly the same area of Columbus that same weekend.  The Symposium this year is going to be held at The Ohio State University (also roughly in the same area) so I didn't know how that would effect getting a room.  Last year, the event was held in one spot but his year we are encouraged to stay at a nearby hotel with a shuttle.  I lucked it out and took the last room though and booked a 4 star room for less money right off campus-come on Expedia!  The whole weekend should be more interesting if the primarily cross dresser group still has their mixer that Saturday night at a place called Club Diversity .  In the past the CD group (which has it's share of cross dressed sharks) has manged to act up and get kicked out of there. Regardless of the little spice they add,  I have always loved the place and it is diverse in it's clientele.  Plus I believe it's co-owned by a trans person.

Page 3.- "Book 'em Danno!"  Of course my deadline to hit the button with Vook and publish my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" is this Friday.  So this week I will be kicking my virtual butt because I didn't get more done before now.  In my past there were those who thought I worked better under pressure, so I will find out again as I dig out literally from years of procrastination! (Book 'em Danno! is a vintage saying from the Hawaii Five-O television show.)

Back Page.- Last week brought all kinds of enticing news to the transgender community.  Reports surfaced the Pentagon and Defense Secretary Hagel were going to reopen the un American ban on transgender military service-finally!  On a lesser scale Tyra Banks felt the need to produce an upcoming show of some sorts on a group of transgender women in Chicago.  Called me jaded, but the whole project sounds a little too "fierce", glossy and profit driven to mean much to me here in small town Ohio. There is hope though if Carmen Carrera (left)  is heading up the project.

Well kids, that's it for this week's edition. Hope all is well for you in your part of the universe and we can get together again next week to do it again!

Busier Than a One Armed Paper Hanger!

I think this was one of my famous phrases in the daily management communications log in one of the restaurants I worked in "Outta Time, Outta Money, Outta Luck!" (The evening was particularly tough.)  The statement could describe to a degree the rest of this month for me.

Liz and I are only two weeks and a couple days from the Trans Ohio Symposium weekend May 30, 31, and June 1st.  My workshop will be the same as last year-the basic where, how and whys of how I was able to begin HRT and transition so late in life.  Liz, on the other hand should be doing her own workshop about being the partner of a person who does.  The dynamics of how we identify alone, causes many heads to spin.

As of now and probably in the foreseeable future, both of us retain our birth genitalia. I retained my sexual attraction to women as did Liz.   All of that is simple enough until everyone wants to know how Liz and I met and was it when I was more or less a guy.  (No I wasn't.)

Perhaps a workshop could be called "The Taboo of Trans Lesbianism and It's Effect on the Gay and Lesbian Community."  Then again, I'm lucky to get done what I have to do, with workshop handouts etc.

I have also given myself a deadline to get my book "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" E-published by then.  I'm going through the "Vook" publishing tool, from which for a fee, they distribute to Amazon and Barnes & Noble. In order for all that to happen I have to leave an extra week of time.  So, using anther time honored expression from my Dad growing up, "It's time to S__t or get off the pot."  As you can see, I'm a "outta time person writing."

In the cash department,  no difference either.  I knew coming into all of this and taking an early Social Security retirement, I would have to scramble to make ends meet-and I have.  So now,  I'm not buying any new sun dresses for a Caribbean cruise.  I would just get sick on it anyhow!  I'm just trying to scratch together a few extra sheckles for some party time in Columbus (Ohio) which is a wonderfully diverse city.

Finally, I have always believed luck is what you make of it.  When I set myself up to do dumb or impossible things, I did fail and vice versa. Sort of like thinking the mini skirt and heels I wore to the mall so many years ago was a good idea! Now,   to the best of my ability, I think what I'm doing at Trans Ohio is the right thing for the right reasons and at the end of the day-that's all I can do.

So forgive me if Cyrsti's Condo is looking a little dusty these days.  Maybe I can get one of those cross dressed  "French Maid Sissy Types" (Pictured at left.)  to come clean it?  Will she work for fish nets and heels?

A Blast from the Past

As I was "cramming" to get another chapter of my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book completed today, I was working on a section with a very unremarkable name- "Transition."  I have always wondered how each of us seemed to have our own personal "switch" as we decided to go down this road.  Some stayed as cross dressers and others went the route to SRS.  Why?

I'm certainly not smart enough to figure it out but do have assumptions like everyone else.  Today, as I was remembering back to the early Tri-Ess meetings I went to in the late 1970's, what I observed and how I thought I fit with the others around me.  Ironically, it's still tough to figure it out. Finally, I came to the conclusion that somewhere along the line back then, I walked two separate paths.  One path was living in the mirror as a girl and the other was more of a complex look into how a genetic woman lived.  I remembered too, the cross dressers in the room who I called the "A Listers". The small group just knew they were the most attractive critters in the room and they were.  Something was strangely missing though from how they acted. Sort of like you left the pepper out of your favorite recipe.  They just weren't real.  

Also,  there were always a couple of women attending who for all the world looked like one of the genetic spouses who came along but they weren't. Transgender or transsexual terms were just beginning to slip in to our vocabulary and it took me decades to get it through my thick noggin' - that was them.   The "A listers" on the other hand, went over the top to look the part but just quite couldn't tap into their feminine side-because there wasn't any.  I knew one in particular who (as she called it) went down the slippery slope of beginning electrolysis, hormones and then even SRS.  She turned out to be beautiful- but miserable.

So, I don't know, maybe for what ever reason, she never progressed past the mirror side of being feminine into the real world?  I think I did for a couple of reasons.  The most important one was my wife kept chiding me for knowing nothing about being a woman.  Never one to back away from a challenge, I began to do it which leads me to my second point.  When I did check out the "other side" I liked it a lot and it felt real.  

My problem was I could see both paths from the one I was on which led to the tremendous gender turmoil I experienced.  Being more stubborn than smart led me to do the natural male thing-internalize and fight.  I never do much crying over the past but the historian in me tells me there were certain points I really could have learned from.  Talking with the "real girl's" at the Tri Ess Meetings would have been soooo much more beneficial than wishing I could be an "A-lister."

In a companion post, we will discuss what determines how badly you want to flip the gender switch.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!  It's Sunday here in the Condo and time for a cup o joe and our Sunday edition.

Page 1.- Really Chuck? Recently in a totally unbelievable moment, U.S. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel and his cronies in the Pentagon got together and hurt their backs as they patted each other for the new diversity and equal opportunity in the U.S. military.  Of course Chuck happened to forget the transgender military members who are banned from serving.  They either serve in fear of discovery which could lead to loss of jobs and careers, or are separated from duty.  For the life of me, I can not understand how this hypocrisy on the highest level is continuing to be supported by congress and especially a so called "liberal" president. How big a hole does OBama have in the White House lawn to bury his head in the dirt and ignore this?

Also on the subject of trans vets, I should get a chance to meet one of the leading transgender military activists, Brynn Tannehill (shown above) at the Trans Ohio Symposium coming up this month in Columbus.

Page 2.- Really Cyrsti?  Like a college student who puts off studying for a long time and ends up running out of time, I find myself in crunch mode for my work shop at the fore mentioned Trans Ohio event.  My basic theme is "MtF Transitioning later in Life."  I presented it  last year, so I know much more on what to expect. The real problem is my book, Stiletto's on Thin Ice" which I pledged to have done by then.  Come hell or high water, I will, but the fact remains I'm a terrible closer.  Always have had a difficult time finishing projects.  To the right is a cover image I'm working on because my budget is non existent.  Certainly, I'm not looking to get rich or win a Pulitzer Prize - I just want to do it-preferably before I die. Which leaves me approximately another four weeks.

Page 3.- "Mo" Mail!  We have had so much mail around here (and I thank you all soooo much :) I am finally getting around to answering it all.  I got to most of Connie's comments yesterday and it's time to get to more today:  Our Prom Daze post struck a cord with many including Mandy Sherman:

The 'male privilege' I was allowed was severely restricted - more like completely hogtied. Rules I had to deal with included, but were not limited to: I couldn't drive her anywhere, for any reason, at any time. We either had to take public transportation and bring a chaperone along (no public transportation available in our rural area), pay for a limousine and bring a chaperone along (the limo driver was not a sufficient chaperone), or have my father (NOT my mother - do you see a touch of discrimination there?) drive us. With the price of a limousine what it was, fortunately good old Dad agreed to being chauffeur and chaperone.

This is a great comment from Mandy and there is much more to it.  As is another comment from Connie on the same subject.  Follow the link above to see them. Perhaps all the feminists who love to bitch about the male privilege bit, just need to understand each gender's grass is never as green as you think it will be. (No cheap shots about smoking it!)

To Pat, about the "The Transvestite Diet" post: I don't don't if she did too much dieting or if was a hoax or if the wife found out, but it seems to have disappeared.  (Liz told me a day later the blog was gone.)  My question was going to be if this person was on HRT or not.  The hormones of course have a dramatic effect on weight gain (and loss).  The male metabolism slows and a few of the meds want to make you eat your wall paper off the wall or maybe even your cat.  But alas, we may never know. Plus normally when I plug someones book here in Cyrsti's Condo I get a response and I got "nuttin honey!"

Page 4.- My Grandson Speaks.  This week I posted a comment from my 10 year old grandson saying I was his hero because I was gay.  My daughter was a little surprised and said that's wonderful but your grandpa is not gay-but transgender:

Pat commented:
Good luck. It is harder to explain T issues than gay issues. I am sure that you will remain or at least regain hero status. At a minimum he will come to recognize the courage that it has taken for you to be true to yourself while still fulfilling your obligations of being his grandparent and the parent of his mother.

Thanks Pat, he is an incredibly diverse kid already.  His fourth grade teacher last year is a very out gay man and one of the top drag performers in the Dayton, Ohio area.  He was just taking the easy route to connecting the dots.  We all know the difference in light years of being gay versus transgender and once he grasps it, all he will have to do is change the wording from "hero" to " heroine" I hope.  One way or another, it will be time for a sit down talk with him and older sister this June when they are out of school.

Back Page.- WHEW! We had a lot to cover this week.  I hope the delivery person didn't heave this issue through your window!  As always....you all are the best and my special positive thoughts go out to all of those of you in or near where the tornadoes hit!  Sort of a constant reminder of how small we really are.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!"  Another edition of our Sunday edition has hit your computer!

Page 1.-Mom.   Mother's Day is  still a ways off, but I couldn't resist a couple references to my Mom because they fit so well!  The first came when I was thinking how fast the week went by.  My Mom, the noted philosopher, said at one time "life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you come to the end, the faster it goes."  How could one forget knowledge such as that?  The other indirectly came from a recent post which referred to my lack of expertise in math- I sucked.  I was not alone it seemed as a received this response from Mandy Sherman:

If girls "aren't supposed to be good at math" and "boys are," then it's quite clear that I really am a girl in a boy's body. 'Cause without a calculator, my math ability sucks, and with a calculator it isn't a whole lot better.... Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to take home economics in school...it might have been the better choice! Mandy

As it turned out Mandy, my Mom was a Home Economics teacher at the high school I went to.  I too would have enjoyed "Home Ec" more than the college level math and science classes I was forced into except if Mom taught it.  I was in enough trouble already being in the same school as her.  Sadly the whole lack of freedom in high school was just another example of being pounded in a square hole as a round peg.

Page 2.- Coming Soon.  As Mom said, I'm getting close to the end of the TP roll this month and into May and time will fly. I'm sure how over the next month or so you will get tired of reading me whine about situations I put myself into.  The festivities start out the end of May when I present my workshop at the Trans Ohio Symposium and roll out my book "Stilettos on Thin Ice."  No pressure, right?  The next weekend is a huge party of sorts for my grand daughter.  Peeps are expected from all around the country and an occasion I have decided will be highly androgynous for me.  I had thought about coming as me but then thought it should be her day, with no distractions.  I will have to find an extra large loose shirt, tie my hair back and go for it. Finally, beginning the end of May and into the latter part of June, there are tons of Pride events in the cities around me which sound like great fun.

Page 3.- Cha-Cha Changes.  This morning I had a pleasant surprise when I put on a bra I haven't worn for awhile which is a real live "C" cup and I actually almost totally filled it out.  Truthfully, I hadn't paid much attention to development.  I either used my old breast forms or just went braless. Instead I was focused on improvements in my hip and butt areas.  My goal is this summer to do natural justice to a summer sun dress.  Standing in my way is weight loss and skin care.  I have very sensitive "sun burnable" skin.  To take the weight off, I like to work outside, which of course means plenty of suntan lotion.

Page 4.-Back Page.  This week there isn't one.  So simply, Y'all have a great week and as always, thanks so much for visiting Cyrsti's Condo!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk" this Sunday Easter Edition of Cyrsti's Condo just hit your door! (I hope-or look in the bushes!)
Section 1.- Easter.  For some of you, Easter does have a deep religious meaning which of course I respect as I was raised with it.  For others, not so much - or at all.  To me, the right to worship as you please, takes all precedence. On the non religious side of Easter, it was one of a few special occasions as a youth, I especially yearned to be a girl.  Of course, I wanted to be the one in the frilly pastel dresses, white tights and new shoes for Easter Sunday.  Ironically, several genetic women I know tell me how much they hated it and got in trouble continually for getting their new clothes dirty.  My partner Liz's Mom, in particular was never happy with daughter dearest wrestling in church with a boy who went on to be an infielder for the Cincinnati Reds. But you go with the cards that life dealt you the best you can.  I'm sure you all felt somewhat the same around prom time or even Christmas when you were stuck in a suit and the women in beautiful, colorful gowns.

Section 2.- The Week in Review.  For me, the week here in the Condo was a short one indeed because of computer problems. Looking back, we received quite a few quality comments about our "Trans Girl's Guide to Eating Out" post here on the blog and in my email (cyrstih@yahoo.com).  Several zeroed in on my own personal experience of older women being meaner to me than younger ones. In fact though, if you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person-age does not matter.  Ignorance and bigotry comes in all age brackets.

We all touched on the difficulty of finding a friend of any sorts in the transgender community.  By "friend" I mean someone you can discuss highly unique experiences of say HRT, trans friendly spots and more.  For lack of a better example, the same sort of girlfriend a genetic woman would have. Briefly, severe problems still exist with stealth, closet and trans trolls which make it extremely difficult to find a friend.

Section 3.- Coming Soon!  This week, my first article in Frock Magazine was published.  I'm writing on the subject I know most about-transitioning later in life- and may do more.  In fact, coming up soon, May 30th-June 1st, is the sixth annual TransOhio Symposium in Columbus.  For the second year in a row, I will be doing a workshop on the subject and rolling out my book Stiletto's on Thin Ice-a Transwoman in a Man's World.  In the month of May, I plan on rolling out samples to you here in the Condo.  I can tell you this, it will be E-Published and very inexpensive.

Section 4.- The Back Page  That's it for this week kids!  I just can't get involved with the newest babble about who is transgender enough to speak on the matter, so y'all have a good week and thanks sooooo much for stopping by!!!!