Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Such a week kids!

In our entertainment section, I took a ride on the "A-Train" yesterday.  As some of you know, I'm a huge train buff and yesterday in Cincinnati, my girlfriend and I took in two major holiday model train exhibits.  One was at the beautiful restored "art-deco" masterpiece Union Terminal and the other was in a conservatory.  Needless to say, we had a great time!

Food Review:  Following our long walks around the train exhibits, we built up an honest hunger and decided to try out a place we had not eaten called the "Swampwater Grill".  Both of us have a taste for Cajun cooking way up here in Ohio and didn't know it but we landed up in the right place. (We seriously have a knack for that!)  The "Swampwater" has a nice selection of Cajun dishes and a chef/co-owner from Western Louisiana for all you "purists"! We enjoyed a very unlady like dinner and loved it!

Holiday:  My daughter's family is Jewish so they don't celebrate Christmas and I don't celebrate the Jewish holiday's by mutual consent, so I'm going to break bread with her clan tomorrow before they head out on a mini vacation over Christmas to the nether lands of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  A chip off the old block, I used to love cold weather before HRT ruined my thermostat.  Christmas Eve and Christmas I spend with my brother's family and then New Year's back in Cincinnati with Liz.

Comment:  You are welcome Alice for your holiday video, I was happy I could find it and thought about you! Thanks for being a regular here in "the Condo" and Happy Holidays!  By the way, I think there are fewer womanless beauty pageants on the web these days because participants know their "talent" will be spread far and wide and perhaps more than a couple don't like it-particularly at the middle school level.

Well, that's it for another "Sunday Edition"! Hard to believe Christmas will have come and gone by the next edition is posted!  In the meantime, we have a couple more neat video's to pass along!

I'm Such a Boob!

I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo too much lately about my bra shopping trip recently.  What I didn't mention was how I planned to "fill" my purchase.

Last night, Liz and I were planning to go see her Dad, grocery shop and run a few other errands. I have a low cut long black sweater I was planning to wear, so I figured it was time to "play" with my new bra. It's a "C" cup and I'm only a full "A" with the effects of HRT.  The "B" turned out to be a bitch to fill.  With the bra, I also bought a pair of small inserts to fill out my "C" bra which turned out to not be enough to work.

At my size, I need a full "C" or "D" to fill out my fashion needs plus I feel breasts are one of the top three tools to a successful presentation.  I don't have a visible Adam's Apple to speak of (no pun intended) but do have a short thick neck.  I need a "V" neck top to add a longer line to my upper torso look.  Any cleavage I can add helps me present feminine with less problems plus if a person is in the middle reading me as a transgender woman, breasts may put me over the top but I digress.

I still needed "fill" to go to a full "C".  I didn't want to resort to going back to my "D" silicone breast forms but I did.  Turned out to be a good move.  The only thing I sacrificed was my pride.  My new bra was an under wire push up model so between my natural breast growth and the inserts, I was easily able to achieve a realistic breast look. Specifically when I bent over at all.  I was happy, my girls weren't all mine of course but anymore more, who knows how many genetic women aren't playing the same game?

Once again I wondered "what took me so long, you boob!"

"Power Play"

It's no big secret or revelation the genders operate on a vastly different playing level when power is involved. Men migrate to teams and alpha males, women towards cliques and a passive aggressive life. Each are very effective in their own ways but often cause serious problems between the binary genders. As far as we transgender folks go of course, we have a whole different set of "power settings".

Most of us are very familiar with the male power structure and "put up the good fight".  We went the "macho" route as we struggled to find our gender identity.  The best example is former Navy Seal transsexual woman  Kristen Beck (right) who really pursued a macho profession. (A reason so many service members are transgender)  I played the game well too.  I was a defensive end in football, served my time in the Army and generally was regarded as a macho guy. The problem was though I enjoyed interaction with women more than men and felt more natural. As with other things in my life, it took me years and a ton of thought to have ideas why.

Amazingly to me, I came up with a whole new consideration of my gender social preferences after I wrote the "Problem" post here in Cyrsti's Condo.

 If you identify as a cross dresser, transgender or transsexual, chances are you have always been more comfortable with women rather than men also.  I know there are many reasons we do but I began to wonder if gender power issues played a role?  We must feel more comfortable away from the macho lifestyle. I'm was naive though and found the feminine power set up was not the "peaches and cream" style most men think it is and acceptance wasn't an automatic just because I tossed on a wig and dress.

When I actually started to transition, women put me in a special category of sorts which fit my transgender status.  I was neither a genetic woman or a genetic man.  As such it took awhile to be included to the fullest but when I was, I learned quickly the women's passive aggressive power structure to it's fullest. But I can't tell you I have learned to react as a woman.  Relearning a basic male power system has not been an easy process and before all of this, I believed I liked the girls sandbox because they only talked about neat things such as clothes, makeup and family. Plus they were so nice! Ha!

The important part is I'm flourishing in the feminine system and I love the process. I find the passive aggressive nature is an art form. But more and more, if I have to play, somehow I know I was born to do it. Just don't look for me to do it directly- or to your face.  You are just going to have to figure it out on your own- later.

Fortunately, no one was mean to me at the party and I didn't have to play any power games. I just did my nails before I went and was ready!

Problem?

Two ladies commented on the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition Post".  "Billie" commented the evening must have been wonderful, but asked where was the "problem" I mentioned.
The "problem" was simply one of "habit".  As I struggled to learn more and more of what this feminine life is really all about, it was tough.  Of course, the whole process of dressing yourself, moving correctly and interacting with the public was tough enough.  As difficult though, was having to accomplish the task in "bits and pieces".  I resorted to one to three days a week living as much feminine life as I could.  Naturally, I would lose much of what I learned when I lived as a guy again then started all over.

My problem now is, I have flashbacks to those days.  The rare times from my past when everything seemed to be "working" and I felt good as a woman, I really began to relax, enjoy myself and invariably slip back into male habits.  I had to constantly remind myself of which gender role I was occupying at the time.

I found myself "reminding myself" of the same habits at the party.  The problem is the process really disrupts me being me.  I know I'm relatively outgoing and I enjoy the process more as a woman.  For the most part, men still don't migrate towards me but women do and I enjoy the interaction.  Women of course are naturally curious and want to learn more about what makes me tick so the process works well.

The "problem" becomes when I start "thinking" about the process. When and if any of my male past slips through to my personality, so what?  He has been part of me for so long.  The transgender mix which defines me makes me what I am.

The incredible process I'm going through now, of course is tipping my gender scales more to the feminine side.  I should worry less and less about who I was but ironically now HRT has made worrying about less a bigger force in my life so worrying needlessly about problems such as this comes with the territory?

On a lighter side, Wendy commented about buying a bra as a guy and the register person calling for a "Wonder Bra" price check!  The ultimate in making an embarrassing situation worse!  Another little hint I learned yesterday was a bra made by the same company doesn't necessarily means it will fit the same!

Thanks ladies for the comments!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Socialite Section":
Last night I went to my girlfriend's company Christmas Party.  Before you begin thinking of all the fancy seasonal dresses on the women in the room, the get together was very informal with bunches of kids, so I wore a patterned 3/4 length top, leggings and boots.

What was very special to me was I was introduced as "her girlfriend" to all her co-workers and bosses.  She takes it for granted but I know how utterly rare acceptance such as that is.  It was also very cool none of the other attendees I was introduced to seemed to care less if I was transgender, genetic, Martian or whatever.

I know several of you regular "partiers" here in the "Condo" want to know my choice of beverage. The party was actually in a suburb of Cincinnati and "the Nati" is developing quite a nice selection of locally brewed "craft beers". One of which is Rivertown Brewery, the bar where the party was featured a Rivertown Christmas Ale which had just a touch of a cinnamon flavor and went down very easily.  No cheap shots...I do have standards and I'm not a beer snob like some I know (Racquel and my daughter).  At any rate, several asked what we were drinking and I recommended it.  Turns out, the beer was gender specific to a degree.  The women liked it and one guy sort of said "well it is a girl's beer".  Interesting.

I had a fabulous time and a designated driver, so life was good!  My problem was even I began to take the experience for granted.  Every time, I do that, I have found I open myself up for problems!

Fashion Section:  For the first time ever I went shopping for a bra with a genetic woman, my girlfriend.  I wish I could tell you HRT is magically increasing my breast size and of course it is, but I'm still in an "in between" area of being too thick for my cup size.  Which means I need a bra in the 42 B cup range.  I took three into the dressing room and found one after I tried them on. So, regardless of my frustration, we found a moderately priced bra which will work with my natural "girls" and small inserts.  In the future, the plan is to move up into more comfortable, expensive models and hopefully fill them out better!  The best part of the short shopping trip was not having to look over my shoulder wondering why a guy was in the bra section or the cashier eyeing me when I checked out.

That's it for this week's Cyrsti's Condo Sunday edition!  Thanks for picking up a copy.

Splat!

Hitting the wall is a very popular term or the "glass ceiling" is good too.  Whatever term you want to put to it, I've very much reached the transition wall.

It's not surprising.  In many ways, the last five years of my life have been an incredible blur.  The initial decision I made to live a feminine life and then start HRT was tumultuous enough but nothing compared to the feminine socialization process which followed. Much of which formed the very basis of Cyrsti's Condo.
I was already an adrenaline junkie from my job as a high volume restaurant manager, so in many ways I craved the expectation of what was "coming next" in a life I waited 50 years to live. But now, life seems to being slowing down and to quote an old song "kicks just keep getting harder to find" and I know the reason.
I was warned by a person years ago who asked the simple question, "what kind of everyday woman would I be when I went out to face the world?"  Simple answer, right?  Not so fast kids.  My perception was I would not be the slobby women I see where I live so often.  As it turns out, not only do I not want to be one of them, I can't be. To have a chance of navigating the world in a completely new living situation as a transgender women, I found again I better get to work increasing my presentation skill level. Think of it this way, I have to look better and not look like I'm trying. All the time.  I'm not whining though, I knew  this is what I signed up for. Just have to get used to it.

Perhaps you noticed I wrote "in a completely new living situation."  What I mean is, for the last week or so, I have been totally and completely full time.  To me, I became more than a little intimidated especially following the gender slur in the tavern last week.  Dare I say, it took me a couple days to get my "swagger" back.  Swagger (attitude) to me is at least 70% of presentation but I also did what most other genetic women would do, I started to work on my makeup basics again.
I'm happy to say, I'm reclaiming my equilibrium and making major strides towards moving in with my girlfriend-who for the record, rejects any of my remaining maleness and has not kicked me out yet for any number of my personality issues I have listed here in the "Condo".  In fact, when we visited her Dad in the hospital last night (he is getting better) the nurse said "you ladies have a good night" to us as she left the room.  Music to my ears!

So I guess the future is now and the wall is part of it.  As with any climbing experience, slips and slides do occur and that is just part of the process.  It's a good thing I don't wear heels often, I need all the climbing help I can get!

A Transgender Journey to Discovery

This video shows the torment young transgender women go through and the steps taken to try to "relieve" the problem.  Don't expect an "amazing" transition here...expect reality.  Check it out for yourself on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

We Got Mail!

Mandy commented on my "not so pleasant" recent experience with three guys who called me a she male as well as making general obscene fools of themselves:

Sorry to hear of the issue you experienced... Yes, there are a bunch of nasty folks out there...and we all hope that their paths never cross ours. But the more we live our lives the way we want to, the greater that chance... I know my best efforts at presenting as a woman are still way "short of the mark" and anyhoo, I spend most of my time in androgynous mode. So I make an effort to steer clear of any venues where idle groups of inebriated males could exhibit "juvenile behavior" because of group courage. (Translation - bars and taverns.) Yes, I know - I miss a lot of fun times that way. But the benefit is, it sort of shields me from the less pleasant aspect of being transgender, which unfortunately is harassment. You absolutely did the right thing by leaving. I'd have done the same... But now, as you said, move on. Better days will come. Mandy

Thanks Mandy!  You are absolutely correct about  not putting yourself in the wrong spot at the wrong time as a transgender woman.  Genetic women are well versed in the potential problems! On the other hand, this situation surprised me because I had done my homework. I was with my girlfriend, in a place we were familiar with.  The clientele was older and mellow and the food in the place was good "pub food".  The mistake was we were there a little later than we had ever been there before.  The bottom line is though, we as transgender women can never be sure of possible public situations and have to be aware at all times.

For the sake of discussion, here are my rules of thumb in a possible confrontation:

1.-Size it up.  Is there a chance of a physical confrontation?
2.-Embarrassment? Am I at risk of embarrassing friends that are with me or a place that I have been welcomed in the past? The absolute last thing I want to happen is for them to be brought into a problem I caused. I'm a big girl in more ways than one.
3.-Education. Is it possible to educate my harassers and let them know what I'm doing is not just a "hobby"? I just don't go and throw on a dress as a lark.
4.-Leave with dignity and never let them know how badly they have hurt me.

The problem with these situations are, they are similar to quicksand. You can get in over your head before you know it and have to be so careful!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

This week's edition will be definitely be a different one due the week's activity around here in the "Condo".

In the travel section I already touched on the fact I have been a traveling girl for most of the week and one of the spots you don't really want to drive all over in a ice/sleet/snow storm is hilly Cincinnati, Ohio.  But we all survived, including my car.

In a "Sports Section" update,  my Bengals helped sooth the pain of my Buckeyes tanking the BigTen Championship game last night by winning big today.  As I have written continually, the Buckeye's have provided many good memories and the Bengals, tons of bad during my life.

In the Fashion Section, today turned out to be an early Christmas treat for me.  My girlfriend has mentioned a number of times of how she used to be an Avon consultant.  Today, I just happened to notice two nice aluminum fold out cases.  I asked what they were for and was told they were makeup training cases.  I said Really? and asked if they were both empty.  Turns out, one wasn't and one was and the fun started.

Yesterday she colored my hair into more of a golden brown from the highlighted red it was...so...of course we had to play with new makeup shades from the case to match my hair. The bad news was my small makeup bag I brought with me was too full for everything. The good news was, I had a bigger bag with me. Most certainly I will do quite a bit of experimentation this week with the new shades before next weekend's company Christmas where she works.

That's it for our Sunday Edition! Thanks for browsing.

Not Fun

It was bound to happen, as we all know, life is not all kicks and giggles.

The weekend began innocently enough. I packed up my dog and we made the two hour trip to Cincinnati to spend and extended weekend with Liz.  Of course Thursday, I was running slightly ahead of yet another super storm spreading across the country.  All I had to deal with was rain.  Friday we had a mix of every winter moisture Mother Nature could come with...UGLY.

Saturday, we relaxed and worked around the house until it was game time and we headed out to her nearby neighborhood tavern to watch my Buckeyes LOSE.  It has always been an idea I could never wrap my mind around...but last night, they simply got out played.  However, we were enjoying each other until  drunk guy #1 shows up at our end of the bar and begins to stare...at me.  Of course I knew he wasn't placing me at the top of the most desirable women he had ever seen list.  Then, it got worse. Drunk guy #2 appeared and drunk guy #3.

I suppose these guys were 30 somethings going on  junior high.  They were whispering to each other  and pretty much making obscene jerks of themselves and of course making both of us very uncomfortable.  I even think for the first time I can remember I was called "she male" for the first time.  Of course, by this time we had it with their juvenile trashy behavior, collected our things and left.

Wow, reality struck home and today I am forced to lick my wounds, reassess reality and get back into this transgender game.

Reality is, I'm not at the point {and may never be} that I present to the world as a genetic woman.  But that is OK, I have faced that reality forever. I have found though, I can navigate the world as a transgender woman if I work at it.  I'm not so sure anything I could have done would have tossed the idiots off their game. On the other hand, I do think I went too casual with dress and makeup.  Then again, the law of percentages simply caught up with me since the two couples before the idiots were perfectly delightful.

Lesson?  Do what I always have.  Hitch up my big girl panties and move on.  I hope the juveniles have major hangovers this morning though. I don't!

All Ready?

Proving once again, time flies when you are having fun, or sleeping, I received my presenter application for the 2014 Trans Ohio Conference.

Last year my presentation was based on "Gender Transitioning Later in Life."  Assuming I didn't embarrass myself too badly last year,  I will be accepted to give it another go this year.  The only problem I had was time, of course I'm so much of a "ham", I could have spoken a few more minutes. Before everyone just got up and left!

Seriously, this year I'm thinking of adding more of a "gender fluid" piece to the presentation and removing the transgender veteran part.  It seemed there was little to no reaction to the trans vet section which was fine of course.  Lately though, I have been wondering if we "old peeps" are missing a valuable lesson which seems to be filtering through the younger parts of our community.

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, I passed along a post from a west coast college.  In it, the comment was made that fewer individuals were resorting to surgery to present their gender needs. I'm wondering if people in my age category who were presented with black and white gender choices all their lives, may be missing out on the gender fluid idea totally?  First, we were isolated and in the dark about what was going on with our gender identifications. Then, we went into the era of SRS being the answer to your gender problems and without the knife you were a pretender.  It's not such a radical thought if gender is between your ears, do all of us need SRS?

All of you know, I am biased and I don't really believe a store bought vagina makes me any more or less of a feminine person but I do respect those that do. Just not the ones who don't respect me.  One way or another, the subject certainly could result in a few lively discussions over adult beverages after the seminars.

Cassidy Lynn Campbell

If you recall, Cassidy was the young transgender woman who won the homecoming queen title at her high school recently.  I thought you might be interested in following along with her feminization on HRT.  Here's a look on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Lessons in the Sandbox

I'm fond of referring to transition as "playing in the girl's sandbox." The process is the time of your life when appearing as a woman takes a back seat to living as one.  All sorts of sand is being kicked in your direction and it is hard to keep up!

I've written here in Cyrsti's Condo many times of my "sandbox experiences" which by the way are far from over. Ironically, as I do transition, I look back and remember experiences which were more important than I gave them credit for initially.

Here's an example:  Years ago, my second wife accompanied me to a Tri-Ess meeting before we were actually married.  We drove quite a distance but still arrived plenty early before the nightly meeting/mixer. Instead of hanging out in our hotel room, we decided to get out and explore a little bit as two girls. We found that not too far away was a sort of a neighborhood tavern that advertised a mixed crowd and even drag shows on occasion. We sought it out and went in for a drink.

Not long after we sat down, a guy literally rolled up to the door on his Harley motorcycle and sat down a couple seats down from my future wife and began to flirt with her. My first thought was a feeling of being powerless in the situation, I had no control as a man or a woman.. I had the sinking suspicion she was going to prove to me I was a mirror "Princess" and knew nothing about being a real woman.. I was right.

Before long she was returning the flirt ever so slightly and the first time he looked past her to me I could see the change in her eyes. I ceased to be her guy in a dress and became a feminine competitor for the attention of this guy and stay the hell out of it. Believe me, I was in way over my head and she could have rode off with him - I was powerless anyhow but in no uncertain terms I knew what she meant. Then almost as fast, she snapped back and he took off,  leaving me with a rather scary first experience with feminine competition in the sandbox.

The problem became, I was way too early into my transition to understand what had just happened.  I never experienced a similar situation with her again.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition" Front Cover

Here we go again, Thanksgiving week is behind us and the legal Christmas season is allowed to start. We have a lot to cover this week!

Entertainment Section:

Last night I was the social "butterfly" and made stops at two events. The first was at the Rubi Girls Show in Dayton, Ohio, compliments of my daughter.  I have mentioned this group before and hesitate to even call their work "drag shows".  Drag "production" is a far better word.  The Rubi Girls don't perform much but have been around for years and have raised over a million dollars for AIDS research. One of them was even my oldest grandson's teacher last year.  That fact alone would seemingly make me biased but with the Rubi Girls I don't have to be.  They are absolutely the funniest and most enjoyable drag group in our area.  If you have a chance to see them...DO IT!

Also last night was the Equality Springfield Ohio show/fundraiser.  I took off from the Rubi Girls and made it in time to finish my evening close to home.  What the Equality bunch lacked in "stage" talent, the group made up for in plain old hospitality.  If you remember, I started attending meetings last Spring and announced I seemingly was the invisible transgender woman in town because they never even went to the "T" in G & L.  From then on I was welcomed with open arms and last night was even more special because I was able to point out to them, there were two more "T's" in the house.  My transgender girlfriend Racquel and her boyfriend Draco (transgender man).  The event was well attended and was held in a small gay venue called Diesel's in Springfield (Ohio).

As closing time drew near, the "butterfly" or beat up moth,  had to fold her wings and head home,  What I didn't mention was, what I was doing before all of this.


Sports Section:  Yesterday was the titanic grudge football battle between The Ohio State University and those "Woverini's" up north.  Most of you know, yes I am one of millions of overbearing Buckeye fans.  Yes, Buckeye Nation is huge and want's you all to know "Don't hate us because we win and win and win." Regardless of all of that, the "other team" played well and set off more than a couple celebrations when Ohio State scored and finally won - including a shot of moonshine.  at my brothers house.  If you aren't familiar with "The Shine" follow the link above for more information but the short description is a clear very high alcohol proof liquor made just south of us in Kentucky and other points south of Ohio...legally and illegally.

The game started at noon and five shots later around four, I was scrambling for any food I could find to calm the beer and moonshine buzz and get started on my evening! I did and was safe doing it but the only thing I can say is, "I'm too damn old for days like yesterday!"

Commentary section:

Im going to bring the mood down and feature a very sad and alarming post from the blog "Raising my Rainbow" called "When The Boys' Room Isn't Safe For A Boy": Here's an excerpt:

My son is six and a half years old. He’s been potty trained with nary an accident since exactly his third birthday. Last week, in his first grade classroom, he peed his pants. He sat in his urine until the dismissal bell rang. His pants were soaked and cold when he got out of school. He was uncomfortable and he smelled. He didn’t want anybody to know. It was his secret. He started crying in the car. “I’m so ashamed of myself,” he said over and over again. Tears rolled down his face, even though he willed them not to. He couldn’t hold them back. 

Come to find out, my son — with his long auburn hair, pink and purple fitted clothes, feminine backpack and wrist full of rainbow-colored loom bracelets – is terrified to use the boys’ bathroom at school. photo 1On his first visit to the boys’ bathroom, he headed straight for the safety of the stall. Boys started peeking through the cracks in the stall to see if he was going pee or poop. Pooping at school is an embarrassment. He avoided the bathroom for as long as he could. The next time he had to go, he, again, walked straight to the stall. He locked the door behind him. He lifted the toilet seat lid and unzipped his pants. He could hear them talking. He could hear them looking. He turned around. Boys were peeking through cracks again. This time they were trying to see his genitals. They wanted to know if my son has a penis or a vagina. 

I talked to my mom about it. Weeks ago she left her bible study in tears. A fellow church-going Christian claimed to have insider information and knew that my son was using the girls’ bathroom at school. There would be hell to pay when “everybody else” found out about it. My son isn’t using the boys’ bathroom, he’s not using the girls’ bathroom, he’s hardly using a bathroom at all. I worry every day. Going to the bathroom should be the easiest part of the school day. But, for my son, it’s not. 

For the entire story, go here.

This story is all so more tragic because of the youth of the child involved.  Sadly, I too know all so well the paranoia of planning my activities on the availability of "safe bathrooms" , fluid intake and even certain meds which encourage peeing. Last night was a perfect example at the Rubi Girls show. Before I left I was sure if I had to go or not but if I did would I get in trouble for using the women's room? The reason being, like it or not, I could have been tossed into the drag queen category. Last night none of them were using the women's room so I ended up heading on home with no problems and not creating a potential scene.

Knock on wood,  the more I transition, the fewer restroom problems I have had but I think the paranoia may linger forever.

Well kids, that is going to do it for this version of the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition" hope you have a great week!

Slip Sliding Away

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a video MtF transition video from Asley Jones.  A classic example of one gender sliding away and a new one beginning:

Kelly Summers

I can safely say I have never ran across a video which had such a powerful effect on me. Immediately I noticed Kelly didn't have the thin "female ready" body style so many video MtF transgender women are blessed with. In addition, she wasn't very young which also adds to the ease of transition. All of that aside though, I was mesmerized with her lifestyle which in many ways mirrors what mine is - or could be. In rapid succession, I smiled and cried with Kelly. I dedicate this video to Liz...she will know what I'm feeling!


 

Females or Women?

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated with the feminine gender.  As with many of you, it's difficult to explain the deep, deep yearning I had to be a woman.  

Of course any success I have experienced in the transition process has been self taught and I wonder when I see genetic females who aren't women, I wonder why.

REALLY?

One of my pet gender ideas is "just because you are female, you aren't necessarily a woman." When I watch my daughter "interact and coach" my 13 year old granddaughter I understand why.  She is actively involved in how she stands, dresses and even does traditional feminine past times such as baking.  I'm dazzled when Ms 13 year old Math and Science wizard bakes.

On the other hand, I just don't grasp how so many females have no idea or will power to be women.  Then again, a dear friend who passed away some time ago told me it seemed to her so many women weren't teaching their daughters to be...women.

So maybe that's it. Where I live, we have an extremely high teen maternity rate. I know the stats reflect more than kids having kids and young females just being "baby makers". Self esteem and family conditions play into their lives too.

None of that takes away from the fact I don't understand why these females so easily toss chances to be women away.  Especially when I know so many transgender women who can't wait to get out of the closet and have their day in the sun.

Living in the Past

As much as I try to never dwell on what could have been if I had transitioned earlier in life, every once in a while the thoughts can't help but sneak in when I'm not watching.

For some reason this specific video triggered them. Check it out on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Donahue and I

"Lots O Comments" concerning the Phil Donahue/Tri Ess?/JoAnn Roberts post.

Francine's allows me to answer a good question:

"Thanks for posting this. I remember those days and later when the internet helped us all realize we were not alone. We were not crazy. By the way, How do you pronounce your first name? the spelling is different, so I have trouble."

Francine, my name is pronounced the same as "Kristi", or Christy. I just wanted to add a little "pizzazz" to it!

Paula's commented: "Yes in some ways we have come a long way, in others nothing has changed at all" Unfortunately, Paula, that is true but that show to me was a great example of the attitudes towards us "back in the day" where I lived.  Speaking only from my perspective.  I don't see that kind of ignorance and dislike anymore, thank goodness!

Finally, Mandy commented "Interestingly, I remember seeing that Donahue show when it was aired "back in the day." And, the "girl inside" has been peeking out of the closet ever since..." Mandy, I believe you speak for many here in Cyrsti's Condo and thanks for commenting!

I have commented before I'm partial to Donahue because he got his talk show start on a local TV station close to where I live (Dayton, Ohio).  I actually went to one of his shows in Dayton concerning the Vietnam War back in the late 1960's before he went national in Chicago.

Later on, one of Phil's shows focused on a former "biker" from Middletown, Ohio who basically came home, told his wife he wanted to be a woman so he cut his beard and off they went to K-Mart for makeup. She was one of the first transsexual guests I remember him having and of course she was much different than the Tri-Ess cross dressers.

I'm trying to find the video clip of her but basically she transitioned into a relatively shy long blond haired "good ol girl" which are so prevalent in my part of the world. The word was, she used to frequent a gay bar in Monroe, Ohio which I had been to a couple of times but I never saw her.

Another episode which stands out in my mind is this interview with an 18 year old Angie Roberts who now claims to go by  Angelina Roberts:

Cyrsti's Condo Featured Trans Woman of the Day

There is no way I could simply call Veronique Renard our Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the day.  She is so much more!

Read on! (From Wikipedia)

"Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard (born 26 May 1965 in Jutphaas, the Netherlands) is a Dutch author and visual artist. She is also known as Pantau, a name that was adopted after meeting the Dalai Lama at an audience at his home in McLeodganj, Dharamsala, India in 2000.


In 1982, at the age of 17, Renard transitioned to being a trans woman with the support of her family, friends and people in her hometown. Renard's mother renamed her Véronique. In 1983, Renard was granted permission by a court in Utrecht to change her legal name, she added her second name Françoise (after her best friend), and third name Caroline (after Caroline Cossey, a British model who appeared in the 1981 James Bond-film For Your Eyes Only with Roger Moore).

Initially unaware of the phenomenon of transsexualism and gender reassignment surgery (GRS), Renard conveyed in her 2007 memoir that the international media attention around Cossey in 1982 regarding her transition helped Renard to self-diagnose her own gender dysphoria. The day after reading about Cossey in a Dutch tabloid, Renard consulted her doctor and shortly after, the Amsterdam Gender Team. Renard was diagnosed with Klinefelter's syndrome, having 47 chromosones (XXY). Females have an XX chromosomal makeup, and males an XY. Renard started hormone replacement therapy soon after. She completed her physical transition 18 months later in 1984."

As a side note, for some reason the picture of Veronique in the bikini took me back to yet another Cleveland, Ohio Tri-Ess meeting I attended so many years ago.  One of the main "gossips" of the evening centered around a member who wasn't there who was reported to be so accomplished that she could wear a bikini to the beach with no problems. She was also "rumored" to have been on the verge of "going all the way" and transitioning into a full time woman. But the story went on she had found the love of her life, an understanding genetic woman and now she had put her decision on hold. Plus there was another very accomplished and attractive "participant" at the meetings who for all intents and purposes put the rest of us to shame in the looks department. The last time I saw her at a meeting, she too was telling everyone she had met a genetic woman and was "hanging up the dresses."

I have always wondered what happened to the two of them. Were they actually able to "pull back" from the transition brink and lead lives as guys?  More than likely I will never know but I have theories.  I believe whatever gender switch is thrown in our noggins can never be turned completely off.  Of course how far the switch is thrown, say from cross dresser to transsexual sex change does vary. But in one way or another the "urge" is always there.