Karma?

I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the moderator of one of my cross dresser - transgender support groups. Primarily, she has a relatively cavalier attitude of how trans people in general aren't having any problems with the public. Her views went against a couple transgender women in the group who specifically were fired from their jobs for being trans.

Several times, I felt she was just looking for compliments on how well she presented. Plus, she was bragging how she could go anywhere except perhaps a biker bar without consequences.

Life changed for her Sunday night when reality set in. She was meeting a couple other trans/ cross dressing friends at a bar when they encountered a transphobic group sitting next to them at the bar. Words were exchanged including "freaks" and "it." The jerk even tried to take a picture.

The good news was she held her ground and called the guy an "ass" to his face and ultimately even got him kicked out of the venue. Fortunately, she had been going there for literally years and had built up a great amount of good will. On the other hand, the "ass" ended up getting arrested.

The moral to the story, I guess, is we never know when the ugly head of trans-phobia will raise up and temporarily ruin our life.

On the other hand we can win the battle when we are able to stand up for ourselves but all too often, bodily harm is a real threat.

Plus, I am sure the moderator has changed her idea of "universal" transgender acceptance. The challenge continues. Of course much is effected by the amount of "passing privilege" one has. An example is the moderator has quite a bit of privilege but her friends, not so much. None of that should matter but it still does. Saturday night, essentially the same group was the recipient of two bottles of wine from a neighboring table while Sunday the dreaded "freak and it" words were used.

I have my own cases of transgender "PTSD", maybe the moderator is building hers now too. Unfortunately karma still exists in our world.

Transphobia and the Social Media

Here recently, I read about a local landscape company which rejected a transgender woman at their store.

Fortunately, the incident was reported by another on a social media platform so all could be aware. I was surprised the whole incident was written about by the son (not trans) of our cross dresser - transgender support group moderator. The same one who still eats at Chick-Fil-A. I wonder now, or ever, if she will see the hypocrisy of still supporting them.

On the other hand, she will probably mention the case of the local bar owner who experienced problems from other patrons when a trans woman used the restroom. After being mentioned as being a transphobic venue on a social media post, the owner apologized and ended potential problems with a simple fix...installing a lock.

Like it or nor, it all shows the power these days of a social media post.

A Quiet Week

Not much happening this week. I have chosen not to make the one hundred plus mile journey in mostly rush hour traffic to my Veteran's Administration LGBT support group meeting. They are just going to have to make it without me.

Sometime this week I am going to have to reserve our hotel room for the Trans Ohio Symposium. I still haven't heard back yet on my workshop proposal on Mtf  gender dysphoria.  A friend of mine is making her second trip to the "Keystone Conference", A Celebration of Gender Diversity, next week in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.  As a sidelight, the LGBT group I am part of here in Cincinnati is thinking of starting it's own regional conference. Which is quite a bit of work! In a previous life, I was a big part of bringing a state service club convention to my old hometown.

Also this week, I am going to have to quit procrastinating and schedule my mammogram which my Doctor's have wanted me to get done since January. I better schedule it before my Endocrinologist appointment in early April, so I won't catch any extra trouble.

Finally, we supposedly have another Cincinnati Witches Ball meeting coming up. The last one was so rough with in fighting, I just wonder if the whole thing will collapse. We will see.

I hope you all have a good week!

Saturday Night

We did end up going out last night for a special dinner for a visitor from Oregon. Jennifer (the visitor was delightful). We ended up sitting right across from her in the group of twelve. I asked her if she knew Connie in Seattle :).

The gathering included Liz and I, one transgender guy and nine other transgender and/or cross dressers there. Oh, and I forgot, one lesbian. Subtract one of the cross dressers to keep the math straight. (No pun intended.)

A good time was had by all beginning with a neighboring table buying us two bottles of wine before one of them left. Maybe he was a closeted cross dresser himself? At any rate, he set the wine drinkers at the table up for success.

In addition, to our table, the staff of the restaurant was very nice and some of us are bordering on becoming regulars. It is still relatively chilly around here, so I wore one of my usual sweater/leggings outfits.

After dinner, we came home and most of the other attendees went to an Irish Pub to enjoy a bit of St. Patrick's  Day festivities.

Oh, to be young again!

Sports Fan?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have written often about how I felt when I began to cross the Mtf gender frontier and began living as a transgender woman.

One of the problems I had was reconciling my life long love of sports with my new life. Slowly but surely, I learned I didn't have to. Following some unfortunate happenings at gay venues (being discriminated against) I began to seek out a few of my former haunts to see if I could succeed in them. A couple were big sports bars/restaurants. As it turned out, for the most part I could go, watch my sports, drink my beer and be a woman. And, as an extra benefit, I met a couple other women (lesbians) who happened to share my love of sports. We had a great time and on occasion even were joined by another trans woman friend of mine.

Perhaps my biggest sports events came at professional baseball and football games in Cincinnati. One of my friends and I went to a couple Cincinnati Reds games followed by a NFL Monday Night Football game, again in downtown Cincinnati. What I remember the most was the abject fear of discovery from sitting around the same people (strangers) for such a long period. Even outdoing my fear of using the rest room. It all proved to be unfounded because, surprise-surprise, the other people were there to watch the game...not me.

All of this brings me to a similar comment from Connie:

"A major milestone, early in my transition, was reached when I actually went to a Mariners game. Sitting for three hours in one place among the same group of people opens one up to the potential of scrutiny like nothing else could. That was my fear, anyway. While there is plenty of downtime during a baseball game to do some people watching, I don't think I have ever been considered to be much more than just another fan who paid for a ticket, thus having the same right to be there as anyone else. I've been to many games since, and the only time I've sensed disapproval at a game was for snagging a foul ball from the guy who was falling over my back to get it for himself. Everyone else gave me a cheer!

Really, though, if one is tentative about being in a crowd of people, I would urge them to try to forget about anyone else. Chances are that they aren't going to even notice you, either. Besides, there's safety in a crowd. I'm much more aware (and rightfully so) when walking alone in a parking lot; all women should be"

So, if you are thinking of pursuing .your love of sports as a transgender woman or cross dresser, hitch up your big girl panties and do it!

The Weekend is Here

Once again, another week has shot on by here in Cyrsti's Condo. Yesterday was a stay at home day after going with Liz to her Doctor's appointment on Wednesday. The highlight of the trip was a first time visit to a local independent BBQ restaurant for a quick lunch. It was great! The semi bored girl taking our order seemed more concerned in treating us to reward cards as first time visitors  instead of showing any interest in me being transgender.

Thursday was a storm day which saw temperatures in the 70's give way to powerful storms, so since Liz works from home, we didn't go anywhere. It was the first time I have heard the tornado sirens go off around here, except for a test.

Saturday night, I am still holding out hope we will go out to eat. A friend of a friend (cross dresser) is visiting from Oregon and she is having a "welcome dinner."

Much will be determined by how Liz is feeling, she has been under the weather again recently. Knock on wood (for luck) I have not been affected much.

Shoe Sale!

Yesterday as I was struggling through Facebook's latest meltdown, I received a message from Bernie Fatla, who owns "Le Dame Footwear." If you are not familiar, Le Dame makes women's shoes in larger sizes and specializes in  the needs of transgender or cross dressers.

Bernie let me know they (Le Dame) are having a sale you may want to take advantage of. I personally have had a pair of their shoes and can vouch for their workmanship!

Here is your link to Le Dame's on line site,  so you can check out their sale. Plus a couple examples of shoes.

Enjoy.

Therapy Now!

Yesterday was my monthly trip north to Dayton, Ohio to visit my therapist at the Veteran's Administration Medical Center.

Like so many of my visits recently, the conversation revolved around small chat. In other words, how have my moods been and what have I been up to. Since my bi-polar moods have been stable recently, we moved on to the feelings I had following the cross dresser-transgender support group meeting and what was coming up on Liz and I's social agenda.

As I wrote about yesterday, sexuality was my topic at the meeting. I have not heard back on my Trans Ohio Symposium workshop symposium and weather permitting, we are planning to go to the Transgender Day of Visibility in downtown Cincinnati on March 31 st. Interesting enough, the Cincinnati Reds major league baseball team has a home game that day nearby. It will be fun to see how many potential "visible" trans people will be scared off by a baseball crowd. I know at one point in my Mtf gender transition, it would have scared me. The weather on March 31st around here could be anything from a Spring rain to snow, so we will just have to wait on that.

Yesterday I was able to end my appointment ten minutes early so I could go over to the endocrinologist office and check and see if I needed blood work taken before I went. My endo appointment is on April 1st, so I hope it is not an April fools joke! I know it won't be, as they don't have much of a sense of humor around there.

One thing is for sure, time moves too fast. 

Sexuality?

I brought up the age old argument between sexuality and everyday life as a trans woman at last night's transgender -cross dresser support group meeting. I only said in passing (no pun intended), one of the bigger things I learned quickly when I came out was how my sexuality didn't really change.

The very few dates I had with men were always a struggle and very quickly I could see no real future ahead with the male gender. On the other hand, I was always attracted to women and enjoyed immensely my new interaction with them. In fact, I enjoyed it so much, I ended up socializing with several lesbians. During some of the lesbian mixers I went to, there were several women who were more masculine than I ever was. And looking at the long term, I am still with Liz, who identified as a cis lesbian. Now she believes she is more/was gender fluid.

I must have done pretty well because the moderator didn't have any input and the rest of the fourteen attendee's seemed to being paying attention. One of the most presentable trans women who is a couple years out of her gender realignment surgery even had a good comment on the discussion. Several of the group was busy having a love fest about how accepting cis women are and the transgender woman said all that was true until you find yourself between another cis woman and her man. It took a little while for me to understand with some women, the smiling face could be hiding a knife waiting to go into your back. Like so many other things, learned experiences only happen with time.

Speaking of time, our skin is something which reacts to time and we have been writing about here in Cyrsti's Condo. Yesterday we heard from Paula, today Connie:

"Shaving is a double-edged sword, so to speak. It does dry out the skin, but it also helps to exfoliate. I use an apricot scrub before shaving, as it allows for a closer shave, so I've got the exfoliation thing down. I follow up with a serum that goes deeper into the skin than a moisturizer, but I still use the all-important moisturizer after that. Usually, I will apply a light layer of a pore-reducing cream over the "T-zone." Because of my uneven and rather ruddy complexion, I brush on a foundation of mineral makeup. In order to bring back some color to my face (after having had covered it up with the foundation), I use a mineral blush. Of course, this is all after I've used a good cleanser in the first place.

I've spent a good part of my working life out in the elements, and most of it without sun block. I can only wonder how much better my skin might be today had I used it all my life. If all of the sun block properties of those things I put on my face now could be added up, I'd be using an SPF 60. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, and I can only expect the benefits of the SPF 30 in my moisturizer. Unless I'm out in the direct sunlight in the summer, that's minimal protection. I've found that I can apply a waterproof* sunscreen over the mineral makeup without making a complete mess of it, but it's not too difficult to brush on just a bit over the top of the sunscreen to even things out again.

*Waterproof to a degree, as I hate it when I perspire and the sunscreen drips from my forehead into my eyes".

Thanks for the input!

Monday Meeting Day

The second and fourth Monday of the month are meeting nights for one of my cross dresser - transgender support groups. According to my calendar, it is tonight.  One of my biggest challenges is what I wear. I want to look nice without giving any of the overdone cross dressers a run for their money.

I guess the best description would be either looking as real as I can or look like I am not trying too hard.

As I went into during my last Cyrsti's Condo post, The Skin Game, my skin plays very heavily into how I succeed or not. Speaking of that, Paula Goodwin checked in with a comment on makeup/skin:

"Apart from HRT I have found one of the best ways of looking after my skin has been to stop wearing make up. These days I only wear makeup on Occasions ~ the sort of do where any woman is expected to glam up a bit, I have found that most women my age don't habitually wear makeup, and now neither do I. It makes life easier and my skin thanks me for it. That plus a daily moisturiser (and sun block in the summer) seems to do it for me."

Thanks Paula! My only question is have you had any sort of hair removal work done on your face?  I envy some of the younger trans girls in the group who have and have great skin!

If I am not mistaken, Paula is also heading up to her try at stand up comedy during this years' Transgender Day of Visibility. She lives in Great Britain. Talk about bringing it!

The Skin Game

Yesterday as we were getting ready to head out the door, of course I had just finished my makeup and was waiting for her. As she normally does, she looked at me up and down. What she normally doesn't do is compliment me very much. Yesterday though was much different in that she paused and said what did I do to my skin because it was glowing. Of course I thought about being a smart arse and say I always glowed but merely accepted the compliment.

The reason my skin looked better was the result of a rather long and drawn out process.

I have always said if you want to present more effectively as a transgender woman, you need to put the work into it as any cis woman does, except you have to be be better.

To begin with, my skin has benefited greatly from hormone replacement therapy and age. My skin softened a great deal from the HRT and my beard has continued to "gray" due to my age (69). As it tuned out for me, this was only the beginning of skin care for me.

Since I still shave, I use a Gillette battery powered multi blade system. Since I am always financially challenged and aware, I use a Barbasol shave cream. It works for me and I can go a whole day easy enough without a five o clock shadow.

After I shave, anymore I can proceed with a fairly light coating of Cover Girl + Olay "Simply Ageless"  foundation. Once again, a foundation I can reasonably buy at our local Walgreens store.

I think though my nightly skin regime helps me dramatically too. Every night without fail, I use one or two green tea cleansing cloths I buy from "Big Lots" which is just a slightly upscale dollar discount store. I can buy a pack of thirty for one dollar. After a good cleansing, I finish up with a liberal application of a basic Olay moisturizer called "Olay Complete" It comes in a relatively inexpensive six ounce bottle I buy for about twelve dollars at my local Kroger super grocery/drug store. The moisturizer lasts me for months, so I estimate I spend about five dollars a month on my skin care.

If you are still in the closet, these days you can use the excuse of shaving to buy a man's moisturizer.. In addition to feeling good, you can look better too.

Of course, you can go to one of the fancy makeup specialty stores if you have the money and are out of the closet. In the meantime though, I hope these ideas will help you along.