What I Really Learned at Halloween

Kenny Eliason image from UnSplash.

 Sadly, since I have lived over ten years as a full-time transgender woman, Halloween has become just another day to pass out candy to any kids who may come by the house. The neighborhood is becoming older and we don't have the influx of kids we used to have years ago.

Regardless, I still have fond memories of when I went all out for Halloween. I used the experience as a testing ground to see if I could actually go out into the world as a woman and live. Throughout the month, I have focused on several Halloween adventures I had. When I first started, I thought dressing sexy would validate myself as a woman. Then I started to tone down my "costumes" all the way to going to the last party I remember dressed in feminine business casual attire which I was used to presenting in the upscale malls I was going to. 

The party itself was sort of a who's who of invitees held at a real live Victorian mansion in a restoration district in the town I lived in. I received my invitation because I was a fairly well known radio disc jockey in town at the time and happened to know the couple putting on the party. I knew immediately what I wanted to wear and just needed to decide who I wanted to invite to come with me. I knew my first wife was not into Halloween and wouldn't care if I invited someone else to go with me, so I invited the news-woman where I worked to go instead. An example of how easy going my wife really was. I always thought if I told her I was leaving for a month for gender realignment surgery, it would be fine with her. So the stage was set to be out and about as my authentic self. No playing around with a "costume", I wanted to be mistaken for the real deal.

Since there are no pictures from the party, my outfit consisted of a business suit, heels and blond shoulder length wig. Needless to say, my wife was not surprised but my date was completely. Mainly because of my shaved legs and how well I walked in the heels. When we arrived, thankfully, parking spots were not a problem and at the door, a coffin with a real skeleton greeted us . The mansion was really decorated well and we found a seat. 

Predictably, as the night went by, no one knew who I was and I blended in as a woman who arrived late from work and did not have a chance to find a costume. I was having a great time, when another couple came up and said how impressed they were with the way I looked and they thought I was a woman. Furthermore they were leaving soon to go to another party and wanted to know if we or I wanted to go along. Even though I was extremely flattered I turned them down but not before I found out who they were. The couple was a young congressman and his wife, leaving very soon to go back to Washington, DC. So I guess I destroyed any chance I had at a political career. 

What I really learned that Halloween was I could step out into the world as my authentic feminine self and survive. Very much worth all the time and effort I had put into to being a girl over the years. And, as far as the news-woman went, she never said a word.  

I guess you can say with out a doubt although the thrill is gone for my Halloween, the day more than any other one in my life served a wonderful need when I did not have any other outlet.