Biden Gets Busy

From "The Blade"

 "The Biden transition team has named transgender veteran Shawn Skelly as a member of its agency review team as LGBTQ advocates are pushing the new administration to undo President Trump’s transgender military ban expeditiously.

Skelly, who co-founded Out in National Security, an affinity group for LGBTQ national security professionals, and served on active duty in the U.S. Navy for 20 years as a naval flight officer, is named a member of the agency review team for the Defense Department in a news statement that went out Wednesday."

Great news!

A Day Out with the Vampires

 Well, I finally made it out of the house for an extended period. Ironically, it was only to visit my Veteran's Administration hospital in Dayton, Ohio to have my blood labs taken. For those of you who don't know, I am a transgender veteran of the Army during the Vietnam War era.

The last several times I have made the journey to visit the "vampires" as I call them has been very much uneventful. This time though, they waiting room was nearly full and once I did take my turn, I had so many vials of blood (8) they needed that the tech who took my blood had to use both arms to get enough blood. He finally did and I was sent on the way past the "admiring public" in the waiting area. 

Liz (my partner) was off from her job and agreed to go with me. Also the day happened to be unreasonably warm and beautiful. I was able to wear an easy to access T-shirt for the vampires pus jeans and tennis shoes. The one thing I noticed was how old the other Vietnam veterans looked. They were all wearing their hats and stood out from the rest of the room,

From the looks I received, I must have stood out too! Of course I was wearing a mask, so all they could see of me was my eye make up and very long hair. Any way you cut it too, I am not a small person at 5'10" and have the thick torso I inherited from living a life of testosterone poisoning. 

Yesterday though, none of any of the blank stares I was receiving bothered me in the least. In my mind I was the most attractive woman in the room. As I walked past all of them I tried to straighten my shoulders, stick out my chest and at the least try to be happy I was out of the house.

Even if it was only for a trip to the vampires.  

Just Google It

 The group which is presenting me with a honor for my LGBTQ transgender military service so many years ago requested a picture if I could find one. It was so many years ago (1972-75) and was a time which I wasn't especially fond of having my picture taken anyhow, I doubted if I could find one. 

I was sure I didn't have any pictures "just laying around" the house. Finally, I remembered a few of the former guys who served where I did on the American Forces Radio and Television Service - Thailand Network actually put together a website years ago. I began to wonder if I was in any of their pictures.

I went out on a limb and googled my deadname and AFTN and amazingly, there I was. Listed in a group picture of the entire crew of the military Udorn, Thailand radio/television station in September of 1972. I would have been approximately six months removed from basic training and the station itself was still fairly new. A year before, a battle damaged fighter jet had crashed into the old station killing all nine of the workers inside. So the surprise picture brought back many memories, many not so good.

At any rate, I have decided to share the photo on Cyrsti's Condo. I am on the bottom row, first person on the left. I worked all nights then and lived off base, so somehow I escaped not having to wear a uniform for the group. Ironically the only other military person shown here not in uniform was my close friend Dave Mallett. 

With this group we operated and tried to maintain a 24/7 radio station and a 14 hour a day television station for the airbase and separate "secret" sites in Cambodia. Our job was to provide as well as we could a connection to home for the others we served.

I am humbled and honored to receive the award!

  

How the Army Made a Girl out of Me.

 As strange as it may seem, my three year stint in the Army, so long ago did wonders to further my goal of living as my authentic self. It turned out it just took me a while to get here.

First of all my forced enlistment was instrumental in ending a toxic relationship I was in with my first fiancé I was with in college. She knew I was a cross dresser and expected me to use it to stay out of the draft by saying I was gay. Obviously, I didn't.

Then there was basic training where everyone learned how to be an infantryman. Needless to say, there was no room to pursue the true source of my gender dysphoria, What it did do though was to make me mentally tough enough to realize sooner or later I could achieve almost any goal. After all, I was heading to what was deemed an impossible Army job as a radio/television broadcaster. I ended up serving on three continents  in three years.

During the process, as I have written many times, I met the woman who was to present me with the greatest gift of my life, my daughter Andrea. Even though she was to find out later on I was a cross dresser (or transvestite) back in those days, when I summoned up the courage to dress completely as a woman at a Halloween party we went to. I ended up admitting to her and two other friends later on my desire to dress as a woman. This was way back in the days in the Army before the "Don't ask, don't tell" LGBTQ so called protection policy. So I could have found myself in trouble if the wrong people found out my "secret". 

It turned out this experience in the Army set the way for me to work harder on my cross dressing feminine presentation and even to attempt to come out to my Mother. Which turned out to be a failure. Undeterred, I continued to stay in my closet and explore being a girl.

Throughout the middle of my life, regardless of what the Army taught me (or didn't), I became a more accomplished feminine person and increasingly wanted to try out my new found skills in the public's eye. It was about this time as I lost almost everything else in my life, I decided to take advantage of the Veteran's Administration medical benefits which would include access to hormone replacement therapy or HRT. It turned out, the meds resulted in a wonderful feminization process which continues to this day.

So you could say again, the Army was and is - is making a girl out of me. 

  

A Busy Morning on the Computer

 Thanks to the virus, almost all of my interaction these days comes through my Cyrstih@yahoo.com email plus comments here to the blog or on Facebook. 

This morning I received a couple of pleasant surprises. The biggest one was finding out I was one of the nominee's for the Greater Dayton Rainbow Alliance veterans awards. Needless to say I was humbled and flattered. Along the way too, I had to reach way back in my rusty noggin to remember some of the service details they asked for. I had to pull back facts from the 1972-1975 days I was in the Army during the Vietnam War. The organization wanted to know such things as awards I received, rank etc. I knew I had four award medals to wear on my uniform but I even had to Google Viet era military medals to see what they were called. Bottom line was with a little help from Google, I was able to shake off the dust and answer the questions. 

The other significant happening this morning was when I was confirmed for a virtual conference on LGBTQ aging later on in October in close by Dayton, Ohio. I even will receive a small book for going. Of course I will pass along any relevant details to all of you!

Finally, of less significance but no less importance is the school group (10th grade) which is forming a LGBTQ group. They have asked for outside help and I responded. Now the big question is, will there be school at all due to rising virus case concerns. Or, will it all go on line. The good news is that so far my advanced age hasn't scared them off. 

I can only say, now I need a nap!

Just Another Meeting

 Last night was the monthly get together of the Rainbow Aging Alliance which was completed virtually of course. Nothing really unexpected happened except I was "volunteered" for a virtual Veterans outreach meeting in November. It was fine of course since I am a veteran myself. November is also the month for an "aging summit" hosted by the group which I am also very interested in. There is no word yet on how I could be involved. 

Speaking of being involved, I am going to add in a comment from Connie on the "What Would the Neighbor's Say" Cyrsti's Condo post:

" I remember, all too well, the days (usually nights, under the cover of darkness) I'd have to plan some Mission Impossible episode just to not be detected by neighbors. For a while, that game was as much a part of my gender identity as the clothes I wore. There was some thrill to it, anyway. At some point, though, it became tiresome and felt dirty and dishonest to me. Shortly after my wife and I had come to our "great understanding," I stopped hiding altogether. I even did some major work on the front of our house, exposing my feminine-self to anyone who walked by. One day, as my wife was walking down the stairs from our house, the neighbor across the street shouted out, asking her if it had been her sister working on the house! She replied that it was (deadname) he had seen, and told him my new name. He has called me Connie ever since.

What a relief and a great improvement to my mental health it was to come clean in my coming out. Caring too much about what others may have been thinking of me was definitely not taking too much care of myself."

I can only say Wow! My wife would have divorced me before something similar  to that would have happened. Looking back on it, it could have been the best thing for both of us. Which in all fairness to her, she said. 

Thanks for the comment. 

Pin Cushion

Yesterday was another medical travel day to see my "Primary Provider' at the Veterans's Administration. I was scheduled to see her in person a couple hours after I had an on line appointment with my therapist. Too bad the appointments weren't reversed since I always have to answer questions on my moods because I am bi-polar. During my second appointment I went ahead and caught up on all the shots I needed (shingles etc.) I was a big baby and they hurt! I.m always asked if I thought about harming anyone. Maybe a little bit in this case :). At least, after the mammogram is done Wednesday this week, all my painful medical appointments will be done for awhile. Between my blood labs last week and the phlebotomy, when they took a pint of blood to control my iron, I have very much felt like a pincushion. On the bright side though, most of my tests have come back very positive. 

On a different note, Connie commented again on our transgender - cross dresser "Role Model" post. She added Monty Python and the Kids in the Hall to the list.  Who could forget Dave Foley as a hooker? Evidently I did! Thanks Connie.

 

Vampire Day

Yesterday I finally made time to take the journey north to the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration center for my three month blood lab and Hematology visit. What happens is I have been getting blood labs also for my Endocrinologist. She (my endo doc)  whats to keep tabs of my hormone levels since I have increased my dosage. Now I have to wait. It normally takes a day or so for them to call about the results. 

I hope the levels are acceptable to her because I am thrilled with the results so far. My breasts are remaining full and my hips are starting to finally fill out. At the least, I hope she keeps me on the same dosage. And, speaking of breasts, I have a mammogram coming up early next week which is always uncomfortable but a right of passage for me anyhow as my maternal grandmother passed away from breast cancer long ago. Because of that and my age, the VA says I need a full breast exam yearly. 

As far as the vampires went, my Hematology results were not so good. Every three months, they check my iron level. My body has the tendency to produce too much iron and it can become toxic. To prevent it from happening, they "take" a pint. The formal term is a Phlebotomy. My iron was too high and the nurse who did the procedure fortunately was possibly the best I have ever had. It was nearly painless. 

So, all in all, it was a successful day, I wore my fashion frayed jeans and a matching form fitting tank top I just "rediscovered" buried in my wardrobe. When my vitals were taken, it was confirmed I have lost nearly five pounds since the last time I was there. Which was great of course. I guess my morning walks and less eating are starting to work.

It's just a reminder of how complex this transgender lifestyle can become.   

Selected

Last night I was officially elected to the board of the Greater Dayton Ohio Elder Rainbow Alliance. Due to my over active activity with certain social media platforms I am almost sure I will be pushed in that direction to help out. The only problem is I may have to cut back on a few of my radical comments on the worthless liar in chief in the White House. Then again, maybe not.

Interestingly there are three other women on the board who are also veterans. As far as I know, I am the only token transgender member. My goal is to provide  quality "T" representation to the overwhelmingly LGB membership. During my screening interview, I was naive and thought the other four people knew anything at all about a transgender person. They didn't. But at the least, they can now tell their friends they have met a trans woman.

Of course, my ultimate goal is to being able to speak to elderly care facilities about caring for transgender orientated patients. In other words, the closet looms large for us who are elderly in the near future. So far, there still is an elderly summit scheduled for the area in the fall. It is all dependent on the status of the virus by then, 

Perhaps in my small way I can help.

Memorial Day 2020

As you Cyrsti Condo regulars know, Memorial Day is special to me for a number of reasons including the fact I am a transgender veteran of the Vietnam War era. In itself none of my service entitles me to be any more patriotic. But then I was forced into service and honorably served my time...the best I was able. Unfortunately,  many of you too know someone who served and paid the ultimate price. It should be for them we celebrate the holiday. 

I celebrate my service too because of what I gained. Most importantly I gained a relationship which actually thrives to this day and provided me with a daughter I cherish. I found the hard way that life is but a circle, the least of which is proven by me finally getting to live as my chosen gender. Other ways though include the Veteran's Administration health care I take advantage of, all the way to my nine year relationship I currently enjoy with my partner Liz. 

Perhaps now, more than ever before our country faces more challenges. On Memorial Day it's time to pause and examine how we got here and how to improve where we are going.

Back in the Saddle...

Well almost that is. I have actually had an active week for a change, even though some of it has been done virtually.

Monday, I had a therapist appointment  by phone. I am so fortunate in that my moods have been stable for awhile now, so the session only went about half the scheduled hour. Hopefully I gave up the rest of my time to a veteran who needed the time worse than I. 

Tuesday was what I call "vampire day". I actually had to travel up to Dayton, Ohio to have my blood labs taken to see if I needed to have a pint taken if I had too much iron in my blood. Also, it was my second try to find out what my hormone levels were. The last time they were taken, the labs disappeared in the system. In a day or so, I will be able to check myself on my veterans health on line site. I am still three months away from my next endocrinologist visit so hopefully all will be fine as it was with my iron. This time I didn't have to have any blood taken.

Tuesday also happened to be the day for the "question of the week." The Dayton VA hospital I go to is now cordoned off so they can control who comes and goes. When I arrived at the guard station, the woman asked me if I was there for an appointment. I so wanted to say, no, this place is so exciting I just come to hang out here. But I didn't. 

Thursday was my virtual meeting with the Rainbow Elder Alliance up in Dayton. The group was screening me to see if they wanted me on their board of directors. My goal is to get to a point where I can speak to elderly housing groups concerning treatment of transgender and LGB persons they treat. If I can get to a point where I can help at least one other person, the whole effort can be worthwhile. 

One other surprise I took from the virtual meeting was how much the other board members didn't know about transgender people. In fact, one of the women said just that. I told them, there haven't been many questions I haven't been asked over the years, so fire away!

Thursday was also the day for our trip to the market. I don't know how you feel about wearing a mask in public. I feel if I want to protect someone else, I should have the right and I expect others to respect me too by wearing a mask. Yes it is uncomfortable and it makes it hard for me to breathe with my breathing problems but I do it and so should they. It's a good thing some of them couldn't hear what I was calling them, under my mask. So much for my rant of the week. 

By Thursday night I was "socialized" out and decided not to attend the first virtual social of the cross dresser-transgender group I am a part of. As snarky as I was feeling, it was probably a good move. As I am back to whatever "passes" for normal for me now!

Transgender Lesson Learned

As I go back through the ideas I have compiled for another book, I find myself living too far in the past.

My noggin tends to remember the good times and forget the bad ones. For instance, there was the rime I went to an urban downtown festival in Dayton, Ohio. I searched and found a post about it years ago here in the Cyrsti's Condo blog. It has always been interesting to me how in depth I went into what I wore. I mentioned the silky tank top I tried along with my favorite pair of distressed jeans. I even wrote about showing off "the girls" which back in those days were silicone breast forms. Not that there is anything wrong with that!

What I didn't get into was how lonely I felt. Even though I made sure I went out to my favorite venues afterwards, I remember the distinct feeling of being envious concerning all the couples I saw. During this time period I was still a year or so away from finding others I could socialize with. The lesson I learned was to keep trying and try to stay public hoping someone would find me...as they eventually did.

It was tough to keep looking forward and not back at my numerous failures. Especially the guys I met on line who "couldn't wait" to meet me. Then stood me up.

Ironically, I learned the looking forward lesson when I was in the Army. In the final weeks of basic training we were on a very long forced march in the winter hills of Ft. Knox, Kentucky. I remember distinctly having a brief moment of feeling sorry for myself as I looked up the rather intimidating hill we were on. It lasted until I happened to look back and see how far we had come. From that point forward in the life, I tried to remember that lesson.

I can't tell you how many times I applied the lesson to my Mtf gender transition. Little did the Army know they were helping me learn a valuable transgender lesson. Never despair where you are. Just look at how far you have come!

A Life with Therapy

Out of the clear blue sky, I was contacted the other day by a person in Dayton, Ohio who wanted me to be involved in some way with their LGBTQ elderly health initiative. On the negative side, the trip from Cincinnati is nearly an hour and a half (one way) but on the positive side, I could do it on the days I see my therapist in Dayton which I am done with at 11 in the morning. Which would give me plenty of time to have a meeting over coffee. It will be interesting what if anything comes of it.

Now, back to my therapist. As I was writing a chapter in my book about therapy, I began to think of all the therapists I have had in my life.

Interestingly, it was the first real gender therapist I went to who diagnosed me as being bi-polar. She correctly told me the bi-polar disorder could be controlled with medication but the gender issue I was suffering from couldn't. Somehow I would have to come to grips with it and do the best I could.

Unlike the two therapists who came before her, she tried at least to do her job. And, explain what she was doing. The others simply tried to medicate me for anxiety. Then again, back in the day, not much was known about the treatment for bi-polar disorder. At least the recommended treatment wasn't a lobotomy.

When I didn't have any insurance for awhile and was feeling very bad, a friend of mine who also was a veteran suggested I go to the Veterans Administration for help. It was there, nearly ten years ago I was set up with my current therapist. With the turn over at the VA it's hard to believe it's been that long.

Lessons I have learned along the way also are, you only get out of therapy what you put into it. A therapist is not a miracle worker. Also, don't give up if you go to a therapist you don't particularly like. One size does not fit all as far as therapists are concerned. Plus, more and more these days you have a better chance of finding gender help from someone who at the least has some sort of understanding about your issues.

You just have to understand you are a complex human being with very complex issues! 

Is Cross Dressing an Addiction?

Back in the day, I did consider the allure of cross dressing to be an addiction. Seemingly, the more I admired myself in the mirror, the more I wanted to do it. If it was only an addiction though, why did it lead to leading a full time life as a transgender woman?

As with anything else which happens when you tinker with human gender, all of this gets very complex. In my case I think gender dysphoria played a major role. When I cross dressed for a brief amount of time, I was able to relieve the gender pressures I was experiencing but only for awhile. When I "rebounded" back to my day to day male existence I was usually depressed and often mean.

It literally took me years to understand what was really going on in my life. Slowly but surely as I continued to become a more accomplished cross dresser and explore a feminine public existence, I began to feel more natural as a woman. Ironically, at the same time, more and more information on being transgender was becoming more accessible. It seemed, gender doors were being magically being opened for me when I was ready for them.

All of this became even more intense the closer I came to coming out full time. Factors such as the extremely tragic passing of my wife coupled with the Veterans Administration suddenly deciding to accept and treat transgender veterans allowed me more opportunity than ever before to attempt a Mtf gender transition.

As they say, the rest turned out to be history. I succeeded far better than I ever could have imagined.

Now, as I like to do, is present another viewpoint on cross dressing addiction from Connie:

"Remember that old cigarette commercial, with the slogan: Are you smoking more, and enjoying it less? Well, for many - including myself, at one time, the question might be: Are you cross dressing more, and enjoying it less? Not that cross dressing is an addiction, but it can certainly be intoxicating. For myself, it was not the act of cross dressing that seemed an addiction, even if I did spend a lot of time considering the possibility that it was. My addiction, though, was actually all of the conniving I did in order to cross dress. I was only fooling myself into believing that I had everything under control, when, in doing so, I was destroying everything and everybody important to me. That's probably the top indicator of any kind of addiction, and my transition really began when I finally realized what I was doing; I'd reached my "rock bottom." I dislike labeling and defining stereotypes, but I never was a cross dresser. I cross dressed to survive, and then I transitioned to thrive. While I may still hold some admiration for cross dressers who can easily compartmentalize their male and female lives, it just is not who I am. I also admire those who realized early-on that transitioning was what they needed to do. I don't recommend doing it the way I did, as my "transition within a transition" truly came down to "cross dressing more and enjoying it less."

As always thanks to all of you for taking the time to visit Cyrsti's Condo and to Connie for the comment!

The Past

As impossible as it is to dwell on any changes one could have made to change a life, we transgender folk seem to always do it.

Take away the fact we are trying to do one of the most impossible things to do in a life (changing a gender) and it turns out we trans people are always trying to figure out a way to have done it better.

One example is timing. Those who transitioned later in life, like me, always have the nagging ideas such as what would have happened if we would have attempted the big move earlier in life.

The easy answer for me is I probably could have accomplished so much more. I spent so much energy and torment trying to live with my gender dysphoria.

When you factor in all the outside factors such as family, society, etc, it just hurts my noggin to even think about it.

My example is if I would have followed my first finance's lead and told the Army I was gay when they came a knocking during the Vietnam War draft. She gave me the option of serving or her. As painful as it was at the time, if I had chosen her, I would have missed out on such tremendous life experiences as having my daughter and traveling over three continents in three years on Uncle Sam's dime. Now I'm happy I didn't choose her!

Still it wasn't good enough. At times I resent the years I spent just trying to live up to the macho code. I can rationalize it all now though by thinking I was just ahead of my time. I was just waiting for the world to catch up. As far as transgender community goes, the good "ol" days weren't so good. After all, I remember men being arrested for just dressing like women.

I could go on and on about the torment of growing up as a boy wanting to be a girl but none of that does any good anyhow.

Maybe I should just keep thinking about how things are, not how they should have been. I am happy where I am now. If you ever would have asked me how it all would end up to this point, I would have not believed you anyway.

Dwelling on the past is useless anyway.

It's All in a Name

Connie brought up an interesting point about responding, or not, to one's old "dead name."

"Your slight digression made me want to know more. At that time, you had two names. Today, you have a different one. How, then, do you respond, should someone call you by any one of them? I imagine that you would react differently, depending on which one was used. My dead name has become almost incognizant to me after adopting my new name many years ago.

If I hear someone in a crowded place say, "Connie," I will likely turn my head in recognition these days, but I no longer do that when my dead name is heard. Well, not until just a couple weeks ago, anyway. I was grocery shopping, and I heard a woman say, in a stern voice, "(Dead name), stop doing that!" I turned around to see a small boy holding a can of something from the bottom shelf, and Mom was standing right over him with a waving finger. It doesn't take a psychologist to tell me why I reacted to the sound of an irritated mother shouting (Dead name), but I can only laugh now about such a thing. 

Among many other things I did, as a kid, that would irritate my mother was my natural walk; placing most of my weight on the balls of my feet, rather than using a firm step on my heels. I did learn to affect a more-masculine walk, but my mother would always let me know when I had "regressed" to my natural one. Later, as an adult, I started shaping my eyebrows as much as I thought I could get away with, and every time mother saw me, she would say the same thing she said to me regarding my walk: (Dead name), stop doing that! Hmm, maybe I have Cowboy Nightmares and Cowgirl Dreams. :-)"

Sometimes I think I more than burnt out the name situation. Like so many other cross dressers and early transgender women, I chose the name of the cis women of the period I was in whom I admired the most. For example, my earliest feminine name was Karen. Because I used to sit close to a cis girl named Karen in middle school. Back in those days, I didn't understand why my crushes weren't really sexual ones but more out of admiration. I wanted so bad to be them.

Over the years, I have been a Darcy, a Roxy a Cyrsti (of course) and finally a Jessie which is my legal name now. Ironically, Cyrsti's Condo was so established by the time I chose my legal name, I decided to leave it alone. Jessie is actually a family name. 

As far as responding to my dead (male) name, I still catch myself turning around on the very rare occasions I hear it. I am more likely to fight responding when someone uses the "Sir" word when a stranger is using it with another person. Fortunately. more times than not they are directly not referring to me anyhow. 

Now on to my Mom:

My mother and I were much alike and thus never agreed on anything.  I was so focused on living a lie as a guy, I don't think walking was ever an issue. On the other hand, I con't imagine she never noticed my forays into her clothes and makeup. Either I covered it up better than I thought, or she ignored my cross dressing urges thinking it was a faze. 

When I came out to her when I was discharged from the Army as a transvestite, she offered to send me to electrode shock therapy. I told her she wasn't going to plug me into a wall socket and the subject was never brought up again. 

I guess I got the final revenge because I chose her name as my middle name.

Looking back on it now, I hope she would have considered it a honor of sorts. You see, it's all in a name.

Back in the Day

I have always had problems with veterans who seemingly hit the peak of their lives during their time in the service.

Even though I have been fortunate enough to live a very full life, last night I found myself in the same spot.

Liz and I joined a mixture of cross dressers and a few transgender friends at a local steakhouse for dinner. Towards the end of the evening, the topic of traveling came up. Along the way, I mentioned to one of the cis-women I lived in Thailand for a year and was able to travel through three continents in three years when I was in the Army...Southeast Asia, Europe and North America (of course.) She was fascinated and didn't really question the why's and when's of why I was there.

At that point I began to feel guilty of acting like that period of my life was the highlight.

As I began to think about it though, it may have been. After all, I met my wife in Germany and she became the Mother of my only daughter. And, since I utilize the Veteran's Administration for my health care, including my gender transition meds, I have to include it too.

Either you could say my time in the service turned out to be one of the unexpected highlights of my life, or I made the best of a potentially very bad situation...serving directly in the Vietnam War.

However, unless I automatically want to out myself, I have to be careful about how I talk about my Army service. I have a tendency to tell the truth and say I was drafted. Of course then and now, women have not been drafted into the military. So I have concocted a story which is semi true, I worked as a contractor for the Army, since I worked for the Air Force for part of my enlistment.

It seems to work.

Blue Skies?

For the first time in weeks, I am starting to feel better.

I am sure it helps that all my critical heart tests are coming back normal. Whatever normal may be for me. Of course I still have pulmonary, colon and the final (I hope) X=ray on my ankle to go.

I also had my two mental check ups the last two days. For once, I needed both of their help. It will be interesting to see if all the survey's and interviews I filled out with the VA are effective. I wasn't in the best state of mind when I did them.

Included in my conversation with my therapist was my unfortunate cross dresser ugly interaction.
Which Connie commented on:

 "Are you saying that, if you spent a whole lot of time worrying about what others think of you, you'd still be cross dressing, yourself? I remember having the revelation that I was cross dressing, but I had come to know that I wasn't a cross dresser. Had I continued to be afraid of what others would think of me, should I transition, I would have retreated back to the closet completely. There's nothing wrong with cross dressing, but it tends to lead to frustration, eventually, if one is not a cross dresser. It's like being a singer who is only allowed to lip-synch or, at best, nailing it at karaoke.

Hmm, maybe I have just pissed off a few cross dressers, myself."

I meant if I worried about transitioning as a transgender person into a feminine life as far as what others thought, I would have never done it. So, I agree with you, I would have found a closet that eventually would have killed me. 

As far as cross dressers, or anyone else goes, I try my best not to stereotype.  Which I guess I failed at miserably Saturday night.  This comes close to saying it all.

Another Busy Week

After a brief break for Labor Day on Monday, life kicks back into high gear again.

Tonight is my vote (or the board's vote) on my application to fill a vacated board post on the transgender - cross dresser support group I am part of. I am running against someone else, so there is no guarantee I will get it. I am experienced in sitting on volunteer boards for ten years or more during my life, so I am qualified. Basically, I am putting myself up for extra hassle because Liz wants me to do something to get out of the house more. So in reality (since I am retired) I do have have more time to give. The one thing which could go against me is a Facebook interaction I had Saturday night with another transgender woman about an ultra right wing bigoted cross dresser who had jumped into the conversation. It's complicated enough for a whole post but making a long story short, I hurt a couple of cross dressers' feelings during the interaction. One of which sits on the board.

One way or another it won't be the end of the world.

Wednesday's appointment is much more important. I am having my third (and hopefully final) heart exam. It's an ultra sound on my heart. The first two tests went OK on my heart, so hopefully this one will too.

Thursday, I head back up to Dayton, Ohio for two more appointments. I have to have more blood taken for a hematology test and also see the doctor who prescribes all my Bi-Polar meds.

Friday, I finish the week with another trip to Dayton to see my therapist. At least this time, we will have plenty to talk about!

Oh, and I forgot, Friday night is another one of the cross dresser - transgender socials Liz and I go to.

Plus, the weekend brings an interesting regional college football game. The local Cincinnati Bearcat team is playing The Ohio State Buckeyes. It is a must watch game.

So far, I think that is it!

Self Promotion

Yesterday, my day was filled with going to see the vampires. What I call my team of lab techs and Doc's who monitor my blood work...or hematology.

It's mostly a hurry up and wait experience. First, I had a lengthy walk to negotiate in my walking boot to even make it to where the blood labs are taken. It was relatively pleasant though as I took my time and three other women spoke to me along the way. I thought I looked OK with my summertime outfit and reasonable makeup. In fact, just wearing reasonable makeup and nice clothes probably set me up to be mistaken for a staff member. At any rate, I waited for my turn and my blood work was taken without any problems. Then it was off to eat some lunch and wait for the results.

I took the easy way out and just picked up a tuna salad sandwich, chips and drink. I can always judge how my day is going when I am in the check out line. No problems as the clerk called me mam three times.

My Fancy Footwear

After lunch, it was time to head upstairs to hematology and wait. The first thing they do is take all vitals including weight, blood pressure and body temperature. My day took an immediate turn to the gutter when the nurse screamed my name as "Mr. Hart." I just sat there until she changed it. She should know better.

When I finally made it to my Doctor, I began my visit with a brand new resident student. She was very pleasant and asked how I hurt my ankle. I told her most likely on a ghost hunt. Of course she was very interested and I gave her a few of the details. I don't know why I didn't think of this years ago but when I was able to refer to myself as "she" a couple times, the Doc did too.

Since my iron level came back high yesterday, I was taken back for a possible phlebotomy (or when I have to have a pint of blood removed to keep it low). All of a sudden I was the topic of a conversation between two nurses and two doctors who used my proper pronouns flawlessly. I believe it all got started when I was able to call myself she and I will definitely try to remember to do it in the future.

The best news of all though was when the lead Doc said I could skip the blood letting because the higher level of iron could be caused by my injury. So I was able to get out of there as fast as my one and half legs would take me!