Back in the day, I did consider the allure of cross dressing to be an addiction. Seemingly, the more I admired myself in the mirror, the more I wanted to do it. If it was only an addiction though, why did it lead to leading a full time life as a transgender woman?
As with anything else which happens when you tinker with human gender, all of this gets very complex. In my case I think gender dysphoria played a major role. When I cross dressed for a brief amount of time, I was able to relieve the gender pressures I was experiencing but only for awhile. When I "rebounded" back to my day to day male existence I was usually depressed and often mean.
It literally took me years to understand what was really going on in my life. Slowly but surely as I continued to become a more accomplished cross dresser and explore a feminine public existence, I began to feel more natural as a woman. Ironically, at the same time, more and more information on being transgender was becoming more accessible. It seemed, gender doors were being magically being opened for me when I was ready for them.
All of this became even more intense the closer I came to coming out full time. Factors such as the extremely tragic passing of my wife coupled with the Veterans Administration suddenly deciding to accept and treat transgender veterans allowed me more opportunity than ever before to attempt a Mtf gender transition.
As they say, the rest turned out to be history. I succeeded far better than I ever could have imagined.
Now, as I like to do, is present another viewpoint on cross dressing addiction from Connie:
"Remember that old cigarette commercial, with the slogan: Are you smoking more, and enjoying it less? Well, for many - including myself, at one time, the question might be: Are you cross dressing more, and enjoying it less? Not that cross dressing is an addiction, but it can certainly be intoxicating. For myself, it was not the act of cross dressing that seemed an addiction, even if I did spend a lot of time considering the possibility that it was. My addiction, though, was actually all of the conniving I did in order to cross dress. I was only fooling myself into believing that I had everything under control, when, in doing so, I was destroying everything and everybody important to me. That's probably the top indicator of any kind of addiction, and my transition really began when I finally realized what I was doing; I'd reached my "rock bottom." I dislike labeling and defining stereotypes, but I never was a cross dresser. I cross dressed to survive, and then I transitioned to thrive. While I may still hold some admiration for cross dressers who can easily compartmentalize their male and female lives, it just is not who I am. I also admire those who realized early-on that transitioning was what they needed to do. I don't recommend doing it the way I did, as my "transition within a transition" truly came down to "cross dressing more and enjoying it less."
As always thanks to all of you for taking the time to visit Cyrsti's Condo and to Connie for the comment!
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